A/N: Thank you all so much for all of your reviews and favourites. They mean the world to me. I'm so glad you are all enjoying this so far even as we continue to spiral downwards. Shoutout to Elliesmeow for all of her help with this chapter (and the next).
Some of you have figured it out and I love that some are catching the little things in it and telling me. Now we find out what happened. Enjoy!
Chapter Thirty-Nine
It takes a day of being coddled by my family to make me wish I was alone. My father is angry and has started to build something to detect poisons in a home. He is adamant that I keep it in my home as well as with me in the future.
Brighton has taken the time to research. He is determined to figure out who did it. Nothing I say has persuaded either of them to stop or relax. It is endearing though dangerous. I do not want them involved.
My mother has the same look in her eyes. The resignation and fear that I feel. It is not enough to simply be well. Not when I am already starting to get demands to be back at work. I need to be back at work.
I am lying on the couch, awaiting dinner when there is a knock on the door. Brighton runs to answer it. I sit up as he enters the room with Eric.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, moving towards me.
"Fine."
"Good." He looks satisfied. It is more than just my answer though. My mother and father both enter as they hear his voice.
"Eric," my mother greets. "We did not expect to see you so soon." She glances at me as she says it.
Eric smiles back at her. "I came with news," he says. "We found the culprit. It was Riley Givens."
"Riley?" I ask. Of all the suspects, he was not at the top of my list. I had dealt with him already.
"Riley?" My father asks. He turns to me. "Your former fiance?"
I see Eric's jaw clench, betraying his feelings about that. "Indeed," Eric says. "He broke into your apartment. The poison was transferred slowly through inhalation and orally. He had it placed on your sheets and toothbrush."
"I see." I try to hide my expression. The idea that someone broke in again...I had known something was wrong. I had thought I imagined it or that it had been Eric again. I did not assume Riley of all people would try such a thing.
"What's to become of him?" my mother asks. "Is he being put to trial in Candor?"
"Don't worry. He's been dealt with."
My eyes fly up to Eric's. He is watching me closely. I know what that means for Eric, even if my family does not. Eric shifts slightly, dropping one of his hands into my eye line. His knuckles are bruised. A myriad of colours and broken skin. I look up at Eric's face to see his smirk before he nods to me. My heart leaps into my throat. He has dealt with Riley. Violently. My stomach rolls slightly with the knowledge that another is dead because of me.
Despite the apparent attempt at reassurance, it provides none. Perhaps it is the Dauntless in him, but Eric sees every problem is one that can be solved with blood. His view of violence is remarkably casual for all the damage that it causes. It is not something to be prideful of, nor something I can thank him for. Not when that violence can be turned on me with a simple order. I cannot trust this the same way that I cannot trust Jeanine. The blood on his hands is a stark reminder of everything I am trying to avoid.
"Excuse me," I say, pushing myself off of the couch and heading for the bedroom. I can hear my mother making excuses for me, saying it is the shock. I feel as though I cannot breathe. The walls are closing in and I bend over, trying to gain control back. I cannot lose it. Not now. Not when Eric is in the other room, proud that he has killed someone he views as a threat to something he feels belongs to him. I half wish the poison had succeeded. If only so I could stop feeling like this. There is more blood on my hands. I did not ask for this though. Why could Riley not have left it alone?
There is a soft knock at my door. It opens and my mother comes in before closing the door behind her. I stare at her, paused in my pacing.
"Eric is gone," she says softly. "He was confused at your sudden retreat but I assured him it was the shock setting in. Are you alright?"
I nod at her, swallowing tightly. "I'm fine."
She peers at me over her glasses. "You are not. Do not lie to me."
My throat tightens. I cannot tell her the truth. I cannot tell her what I have done. Eric has continuously demanded my presence and threatened everything I hold dear. I will not have my family put under his scrutiny or Jeanine's.
"I did not expect it to be Riley," I finally say.
"I know," my mother says. She sits on the bed and motions for me to join her. She stares at me until I join her. "When was the last you spoke with him?"
"A week or so ago. We spoke briefly. He was not pleased that I refused to reconsider his offer. This was extreme, but it is not the first...irrational thing he has done." I stand back up. There are too many nerves running through my system. My mother watches me carefully. There is a look in her eyes and for once she does not hide the fear in her expression. It is also tinged with something that looks like regret. My heart aches with it. I turn away. My mother gave me these skills to survive, I cannot allow her to know just how far they have taken me or what I have done with them in pursuit of that goal. Riley is just one casualty out of many.
"I have to speak to Jeanine."
"Eric has already informed her," my mother says.
I turn back to her. "I need to go back to work." There is no question about it. I have taken two days and my job needs my presence. I also need to discover if there is any suspicion about me.
"Of course," my mother nods resignedly. I am grateful she does not press. "The Dauntless did say that your apartment has been cleaned. Your father will ask that you take his equipment with you."
"I will."
She watches me for a moment before she gets up. She reaches over, kissing me on the top of my head for a long moment. "Just be careful." She whispers it into my hair. Even now the truth cannot be spoken out loud. I can only nod in response. I cannot make promises. Not any more. It is a strange, desolate feeling to know that even the love and security of a parent cannot save me. I am alone in this. I just have to hold on to the hope that I will survive it. Somehow.
I try to hold back any irritation as another person wishes me well. Gossip runs wild in Erudite, the need for knowledge of all kinds includes rumours and endless speculation. Naturally, the fact that I was poisoned had been heard by everyone. I cannot stop the panic that lays in my stomach at each reminder. I have yet to actually fall asleep in my apartment. Despite the knowledge that it has been cleaned, that my sheets and toothbrush have been replaced, I cannot rest. Riley had broken into my home to kill me. Eric has etched his way into every crevice of the place when I am not there. His books have made their home on my shelf. There is at least one picture missing and I do not know which of them has it. I feel violated.
My home was supposed to be safe. A haven. The safety that I once felt within those walls has been torn down. I am left bare and there is nowhere left to hide. The thought threatens to swallow me whole. How am I supposed to survive like this? I can not think of how to bring back that feeling of safety, how to secure my home to ensure nothing like this would ever occur again. Somehow, no matter what I do, I am certain that Eric would still find his way in.
Catherine is waiting at my old desk. She sighs when she sees me.
"I see you survived."
"I did," I say. "I am here for my meeting."
Catherine looks as if she wants to tell me that Jeanine is not in. The only reason she does not is that I have access to Jeanine's schedule and Jeanine requested the meeting herself. "Go in," she grinds out.
I nod and knock on the door. At Jeanine's voice, I enter.
"Amelia," she stands up and comes around her desk. I freeze as she places her hands on my arms. She runs her gaze over me and smiles. "I am so glad you're alright."
"Thank you," I say. I do not understand her reaction. Jeanine is not someone who touches people if she can help it.
"Please, take a seat." She lets go and goes back to her chair. She motions to the chair across from her. I adjust my skirt before sitting down carefully. The smile fades and her gaze becomes sharp as she watches me. "I was informed that the criminal responsible was Riley Givens."
I nod. "That is what I was told."
"I trust it has been taken care of." She says it as though she already knows the answer. I wonder if Eric told her before or after he killed him.
"I believe so."
"Good. Our progress is on track. As there are only weeks before we move forward to the second stage of our plan, I felt it prudent to...inform you of the next steps." She clasps her hands together and leans her forearms on the desk in front of her. "Our faction is the pinnacle of achievement. The other factions have their uses, but they lack the understanding that comes with our knowledge. In order to preserve our ways, we will do what is necessary. With the assistance of the Dauntless, we will eradicate Abnegation."
She explains further. The system that I have been setting in place for her will be the command room. She is going to take control over the minds of the Dauntless and force them into action.
It is unthinkable.
The mind is a valuable thing, especially to an Erudite. Her actions will have devastating repercussions, not only in the murder of an entire faction down to the very last dependant but the damage she will do to their brains and emotional states.
That does not even consider the effects on any Divergents who may have concealed themselves, survived in similar ways that I have. They do not react as others do to serums, that is well known especially after watching Henry in Dauntless. It is likely that they will use this as an opportunity to discover the ones who have hidden, at least in that faction. It is only logical to presume that once she has completed this task, she will move on to rooting out those in the other factions.
"Amelia, are you well?"
I blink up at Jeanine. "Of course," I say automatically. My mind is reeling. "I am simply...in awe, for lack of a better term, at how thoroughly you've thought this out. The drive that you have for our society has always been admirable."
There is a glint in her eyes. They have always looked cold but now she is pleased. Somehow that is more terrifying.
"We move as soon as initiations are complete. I expect the room to be finished before that."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I trust, Amelia," she peers at me over her glasses, "that you are fully recovered to do what is required. The task before us is of the most importance. We have worked too hard to make this possible and I would not have you miss our moment of triumph. It would not have been possible without you, Amelia. You have done well."
The lump in my throat tightens. I simply nod. There is nothing I can say. I fear that if I speak, I may scream and I cannot. I cannot give any indication that I am anything but what she expects of me.
"That is all." She motions for me to leave. I nod. It is a series of simple steps that take me out of the office. If Catherine says anything, I do not hear it.
My body moves on its own accord. I feel stunned. Lost. Jeanine is going to murder an entire faction. I do not know those in Abnegation well, I have had little contact with them, but they are people. This is so much worse than hunting for Divergents. This is a horror I had never considered.
My panic builds in my chest and my eyes start to burn with unshed tears. I need to get out of Erudite. I am able to hold it together long enough to get out of the building. However, my attempts to get home do not succeed. I move off of the regular path and duck between buildings. My chest feels as though it will explode and I am caught between the desire to flee or hide. I cannot stop myself from throwing up. My stomach heaves as the knowledge of what I have done sinks in. It does not stop until the acid burns in my throat. I move away, stumbling slightly in the alley.
There is silence around me as I crouch down, balancing on my heels. I try to stop myself from crying but as soon as it starts, I am overwhelmed. My body racks with sobs. I cannot do this. I can't.
[tbc]