Hiii. We finally made it to the chapter containing the prologue! It might look a teensy bit different since there were certain things that would give away too much before. But. Anyway. Enjoy?

Love love love to the ladies who hold my hand, and to Hadley for sprucing up this bad boy (mistakes are mine!)

Can't believe there are only 3 chapters left ahhhhhhh

Chapter Thirty-Eight
Edward POV

Everything happens fast.

I call Jasper and tell him, without too many details, we need a car, and to let Jake know we gotta move tonight. Half an hour later, Jasper and Lo show up to my house in a vehicle I've never seen. I don't ask whose it is or where they got it from. The less I know, the better.

Once they're inside, I tell them everything. What James knows. What he told Bella. How the enforcers are looking for her, and want to bring her in for questioning. When Jasper and Lo ask questions I can't answer, Bella steps in. Everyone's quiet, then, like a small moment of respite before potential chaos. If I hadn't already fucked up my hand from punching the wall, I'd do it again just to let out my frustration.

"We need to hide until we can leave tonight," I tell Jasper, urgency in my tone.

"I doubt they'd come here looking for Bella," Lo says. "No one even knows you're back, Edward, and it's not like they know you two remember each other, right?"

"I don't care," I say angrily. "It's not worth it. What if they see her car here? Or…" All of the worst-case scenarios run through my mind. "We can't stay here until it's time to meet Jake. It's not safe."

"We can go to my parents' lake house?" Bella suggests, her arms around her waist like she's trying to hold herself together. "It's almost an hour from here, not that far from the east side of the fence, either. It's a pretty secluded part of the lake, and there aren't any other houses around."

"Isn't that obvious?" I ask, not sold on the idea. I don't realize how condescending my tone sounds until Bella frowns my way.

"No. If anything, I'd think one would assume that'd be the last place I'd go," she mumbles, and I reach over to pull her into my lap. Her body doesn't necessarily relax, but I feel better having her close. "No one's been to the lake house in years," she adds. "That I know of, anyway."

"You could hide out at my place until you go to the lake house?" Jasper offers. Though I don't want to involve him any more than I have to, it's not the worst idea, and we don't have many other options.

"Fine," I say, tone clipped. "Grab your phone and keys," I say to Bella, and she gets up to fish them out of her bag. I look at Lo, then. "Can you drive her car somewhere else? Just… drive into a random part of town and abandon it. It can't stay outside of my house. Leave her phone in the car, too."

Lo immediately nods and grabs both items from Bella, kisses Jasper goodbye, then leaves.

When Bella disappears into the bathroom, I quickly go over the plan I had in mind with Jasper. Bella and I will go into hiding until after midnight when it's safest to meet Jake. I'll leave Bella with him, and let him take her to the unincorporated land. Jasper agrees that it's too risky for me to try to cross multiple times. And if I want Esme to make it out with us, biding my time and bringing her when I can makes the most sense.

"Bella's okay with this plan?" Jasper asks, and I just shake my head, my jaw tightening.

"She doesn't know. She thinks I'm going tonight too and someone's gonna bring Esme later."

Jasper frowns. "Dude."

"Don't."

"She's gonna be pissed."

Guilt sinks in and weighs me down even more now. "I know."

But if she knew I wasn't going yet, she'd be too stubborn and try to stay behind. That's too risky, and I don't have time to convince her otherwise. So if I need to lie to her to keep her safe, that's what I'll do. I'd rather have her hate me than be forced to forget me again. I'd rather have her be in the unincorporated land, living without me for a while than be here in the same city, and think of me as a stranger.

Maybe it's selfish on my part, but I'm doing this for her. Everything I've done is for her. I just hope she understands.

XXX

When the last light drains from the sky, we leave Jasper's place.

I'm on fucking edge as we make our way to the lake house. I drive slowly but purposefully. It's not until we're on winding roads and in the cover of evergreens that I up my speed. Bella and I drive in silence, both of us too keyed up to speak.

She tells me when to slow down and points out where I need to turn. And then we're making our way down a long, dark driveway. I kill the headlights, just in case. It's eerie with nothing lighting our way. The narrow road eventually opens up to a large house, and behind that, the lake.

We get out of the car. Bella moves toward the patch of garden in the front, picking up a few different rocks until she finds the one that's plastic and has a key hidden inside. The bulb above us flicks on automatically but barely lights the porch. She tries to unlock the door, but her hand is shaking, so I reach over and do it for her.

An alarm blares when we open the door, but she's quick to key in the code. The sound didn't last long, but it still makes me wince, worried someone nearby might hear. I know that's not the case, though. Even if there isn't anyone for miles, I still don't feel safe here. But maybe I wouldn't feel protected anywhere. I won't be able to breathe or think clearly until I know Bella's out of here and safe.

I just need her to be safe.

I follow her into the dark house, locking the door behind us. She immediately flips on one of the lights, and I rush to turn it off.

"What—"

"Keep them off," I tell her.

"No one—"

I grab her hand and walk toward the back of the house to peer out the wall of windows that overlook the lake.

"Look. All those houses across the water? We can see their lights. So, they can see us, too. And you said your parents never come out here, right?"

"Right."

"Those people might find it odd to see this place lit up. So, the lights stay off."

She nods in understanding. "The lights stay off."

"Just in case," I tell her, my lips brushing her temple. "Precaution or whatever."

"I get it," she murmurs. "And I should get used to this anyway, right? No electricity in the unincorporated land?"

I stare at her profile, but she's still looking out the window. "I mean, it's not like we'll be sitting in darkness every night," I tell her.

She moves, so I move. I follow behind her as she walks through the house, touching different items, her eyes lingering on different photos and trinkets.

"I haven't been here in so long," she says, staring briefly at the photos that decorate the wall. "Think it's been like… since I was sixteen?"

I look at all these pictures of her life, the one she's leaving behind. I wonder if she regrets it, giving this all up for me. If she does, she doesn't let on. She barely looks over the memories, giving herself minimal time to reminisce, and I feel a little better.

She moves toward the back door and opens it to step onto the deck.

"I forgot how beautiful it is out here," she murmurs, staring at the view. The water is soundless, and the moon reflects off the surface. Yeah, it's beautiful, I guess, but I still don't fucking like being out here. It's hard to appreciate a location like this when we're on the run.

"It's a little creepy," I laugh, standing close to her.

She turns to me and smiles. "Yeah, right now. But in the morning…" Her mind takes her somewhere else, and she shakes her head. "It's not like we'll be here for sunrise anyway, so it doesn't matter."

When she turns to go back inside, I stop her, gently rubbing the back of her neck. "Hey."

"Hmm?"

"You don't have to go," I say, giving her an out. Maybe I should've done this earlier, given her a choice to back out. "Nothing is set in stone. Not until you cross. You can just say you went for a drive or something. Say the James shit freaked you out, and you needed a minute to—"

"What?" Her brows knit together, her mouth turning down.

"Just… you can go back..."

"No," she says immediately.

"Okay, but—"

"Why are you saying this?"

I look down between us, feeling stupid for saying it and even worse for knowing what she's giving up. "I just don't want you to have any regrets. I couldn't live with myself if you went out there and then—"

"I'm not. I won't." She clutches my shirt then pulls on the back of my neck until she can reach my lips for a kiss. "I want to be with you," she says against my mouth, and I tighten my grip around her waist. "I love you. There's nothing left here for me. Emmett's gone. Rose is out there. My parents are traitors, and this world is… toxic. I can't stay here and live the life I want because it wouldn't be with you."

At this moment, I love her more than I ever fucking have. "Okay," I murmur, her words settling me. "I'm sorry. My head is just… all over the fucking place."

"Don't be sorry. Just… are you okay?" she asks, voice soft and concerned. "You're worrying me."

"I'm fine." My head hasn't been right for months, but I push away any lingering anxiety, not wanting to worry her even more. Once I know she's safe, I'll be able to breathe easier.

"Are you sure?" she asks, and I just nod. She doesn't look that convinced, but she doesn't push. "Please trust that I'm making the best decision for myself. For us. Okay?"

I nod again and kiss her with a wordless thank you. She takes my hand and leads us back inside to rummage through the kitchen for something to eat, but we don't find anything. I feel bad for not thinking about that before, but with everything going on, food was the last thing on my mind. She promises she's fine, that searching for something to eat was more out of habit, boredom, than actual hunger. I don't tell her that, soon enough, anytime we eat will be out of necessity. For energy. To survive. Eating out of boredom isn't really a thing in the wilderness. We'll eat what we can hunt, and consume whatever veggies and fruit we can grow.

I follow her through the house again until we're back in the living room.

"Should we go upstairs?" she asks.

"I'd rather stay down here in case…" I don't finish my sentence. She starts to take off her shoes. "Leave those on."

"Why?"

I hate to say it out loud. "In case we need to run."

Her nod is small, her mouth pressed into a frown. "Okay."

She pulls off the white sheet that's covering the couch and lets it flutter to the floor. Sinking back against the cushions, she lets out an exaggerated exhale. I pull out my gun from its holster and place it on the table next to the couch before I sit down.

Bella eyes it but doesn't say anything.

"I'm not trying to freak you out," I promise. "With leaving the lights off and leaving your shoes on and the gun—"

"I'm not freaked out. I'm thankful you're thinking of this stuff," she says softly. "I mean, being cautious doesn't necessarily comfort me, but… I'd rather be prepared."

"You should try to sleep," I tell her.

"I'm not tired."

"You should try, though. Crossing will take a lot out of you."

She moves to lie back, and with her head in my lap, she stares up at me. It makes me think of that last night we shared at my house before Rose and Em tried to run. When we were flirting and whiskey drunk and she didn't even know how much I fucking loved her. Not yet. She didn't remember that she already loved me either.

I brush some hair away from her face and let myself relax. I need to chill a little, too. I won't sleep, but it'd be good to rest before we have to leave in five hours.

When I finally meet her eyes, I realize she's silently crying, tears trailing into her hairline. I brush them away and swallow back my own emotion.

"What's wrong?" I whisper.

"I'm just scared," she says quietly.

I'm scared, too. Of shit going sideways again. Of losing her. I'm scared that she'll hate me when she finds out I'm not going with her, but it needs to happen this way. I'm scared she'll make it over, but something will happen that'll keep me here. I can't fucking do that again. I can't spend months away from her, but the guilt of leaving Esme behind would eat me alive.

I don't tell her my darker thoughts, the ones that will keep me awake all night while she sleeps. I'm terrified someone will find out we're here, and instead of forcing both of us into the Procedure again, they'd erase me from her memory and kill me. Because why wouldn't they? I'm a problem. I'm easy to solve. To dispose of.

"Don't be scared," I tell her instead of voicing my fears. She needs me to be strong and not put awful ideas into her head.

"I'm gonna miss Pepper," she cries then laughs a little as if it's ridiculous. It's not, though.

"Pepper's gonna be fine. Jas and Lo will take care of her."

"I know." She sniffles, her tears coming faster now. She covers her face with her hands, like she's embarrassed. I let her cry and rub a soothing hand over her stomach, tangling the other in her hair.

"Baby," I say gently, trying to comfort her. Her hands fall away from her face and she inhales a jagged breath, trying to calm herself.

"You know what the alarm code is?" she asks, and I just shake my head. "It's a variation of mine and Emmett's birthdays. Just like my dad's computer password. It's so… fucked up. As if he cares, you know? As if he loves us." I stay quiet, letting her work through what she needs. "God," she groans. "I didn't think I'd be this emotional."

"It's a lot. I know."

We sit in silence, and I stare down at her, pushing away the fucking guilt that threatens to creep in. This is for the best, I remind myself. She'll get out, and soon, I'll follow. It's too risky for her to stay. And it's too risky for me to cross multiple times. Especially if they realize she's actually missing soon. They might tighten their security at the border for a while.

It kills me that I'm not the one who'll bring her to the unincorporated land. I fucking hate that it's Jacob. I don't even know him, but I hate that it's anyone but me. I know she'll be in good hands, though, and that's all that matters. My pride can fuck off for her safety.

"It's okay," I reassure her. "Everything is gonna go according to plan. By the time anyone really starts looking for you, you'll be out of here."

I worry for a second, but she doesn't catch on that I said "you" and not "we."

"I hope so," she mumbles, moving to straddle my lap.

She presses her face against my neck, and I breathe in her scent. Memorizing it. Inhaling. Exhaling. We hold each other like that for a while until I think she's finally fallen asleep. Until she presses a kiss to the skin below my ear.

Her lips are there again, but there's passion behind it now. It's heated when her tongue flicks out a little, making me groan. If she wants this, I'll give it to her. If she needs this—the urge to be close and get lost in each other—I'll comfort her this way. I fucking need it too. I need her and want her and will take any last moments that I can get.

She pulls back a little, so I can see her face, and moves her hips just slightly. My dick's already hard, and I know she can feel me. The sadness is gone from her eyes now. It's all lust, all love. I cup her tits, and her hips roll again with more intention this time.

We undress each other frantically. Like our skin can't touch soon enough. I sit back on the couch, and she sinks down onto me, her arms linked behind my neck. She's so good, so wet and warm, and I will never get enough of her. Ever.

With her chest pressed to mine, she sucks on my neck, but I make her sit up. I want to watch her. I want to memorize her skin and her tits, and I want to watch the way her hips pound against mine as she fucks me. I don't know if this will be the last time, and I don't know when the next will be, so I need this. I need to capture the moment and brand it into my memory because she's so fucking perfect.

I want to tell her so many things. How much I'll fucking miss her. How much I love her. How fucking beautiful she is and how I wanted her from the first moment I saw her. That I'd do anything for her. But I know words might fail me. So, I show her instead. I move her so she's lying back against the couch, her knees bent, so I'm between her legs. With my arm above her head, I roll my hips, thrusting into her at a lazy pace. I wanna make it last, and I wanna make her come. I wanna fuck her forever.

It doesn't last forever though. She starts to beg for faster and harder, so I give her what she wants. She turns her head a little and moans, biting at my forearm that's near her face. It stifles her pants for a moment, but then she lets go, crying out loud and clenching around me. I try to ride it out, make her feel good first, but halfway through, I lose it. I collapse against her chest and bury my face in her neck, pulsing inside of her as she holds me tightly.

We catch our breath and stay close. She's crying again, but she tries to hide it, wiping at her eyes, pretending like the bittersweet tears aren't there. I see them, but I don't say anything because I hurt, too. So, I just kiss her mouth, her jaw, her neck, and hope when she's gone she will remember how this feels. How much we fucking love each other. How much I care for her. Because in the end, we'll only have our memories. And she'll forever be burned into mine.

XXX
Bella POV

The room is dim. Faint yellow light glows beyond the sheer curtains, the lone bulb on the porch flickering every now and then.

It's late. Or maybe early. I haven't looked at a clock in a while.

Our time, which was once calculated by hours and minutes, is now measured in lingering kisses and labored breaths.

"Are you sleeping?" Edward's voice is barely a whisper.

"No."

We're lying together, close on the small couch. The cupboards are bare, and white sheets shield furniture from dust. No one's visited in years, and I thought it'd be the last place anyone would come look for us. With each passing hour, it just feels glaringly obvious we would be here, and I jump at every foreign sound.

"I was thinking…" I can hear a smile in his voice, and it takes the edge off the darkness. "About the first day we met."

I know he's trying to distract me with reminiscing, but all it does is bring the sinking feeling of nostalgia for a time I'll never know.

I want to envision that day through his eyes. "What do you remember about it most?"

"I remember everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes."

"Tell me more." I'm desperate. "Please?"

So he does. He recalls our conversation on the bus and my argument with the driver for nearly running over Pepper. My snarky demeanor. His unwavering confidence. He tells me he'll never forget the red of my lips, the way he was drawn to them every time I spoke. How I was buzzing with a nervous energy that he was desperate to tame.

And he did.

He ends the memory with this: "Even then, I knew I'd love you."

I shift a little to look up at him, keeping my body tangled with his. I memorize the angles of his face, the sincerity blazing in his eyes. The tenderness of the moment fades out when dread fills my stomach. I never want this night to end because tomorrow could possibly be just that: the end.

Our end.

Worst-case scenarios fill my mind and cause tears to prick the corners of my eyes. I allow them to fall freely down my cheeks, marking his shirt with salt and sorrow.

"Baby, don't," he whispers, cupping my face and brushing away my sadness. He shushes me and squeezes my shoulder, brushing the top of my head with his warm lips. "We'll get out. We have to. I refuse to believe there's any other option for us."

"If something happens—" I begin to say, only to have him shush me again by covering my mouth with his. I let his embrace calm me for a moment. A soft kiss. Parted lips. I deepen it, craving the closeness.

When we pull apart, my mind goes there again.

"You know what happened to Emmett—"

"Bella. Stop," he says forcefully. But I know he's thinking the same thing. I know he holds the same fears as I do. I just wish he'd let me voice them aloud. I'd feel better having it out in the open rather than trapped in my own mind. "I love you," he says almost desperately. "I love you, and I don't want to imagine any scenario other than us getting out. Okay?"

I love his determination, but I can't help when my mind goes there. To what he and Rose and Emmett endured the last time they tried to escape. I'm worried history will repeat itself, and when we show up, the enforcers will be waiting for us. I'm terrified that this time if Edward gets shot, he won't make it.

He tells me not to think that way. That we'll be fine. We'll make it out to the unincorporated land. He reminds me this time is different because Rose and Emmett had already been brought in for questioning and escaped custody. All I've done is evaded being taken in at all. It still doesn't ease my worry, though.

The wind blows outside, rustling the trees against the window. Branches scrape against the glass, and I stiffen.

"I love you, too," I finally tell him, and my heart aches. "But I'm trying to be realistic," I counter, voice low. "I just… I want you to know I'd come back here. If someone's waiting for us, or if something happens to you again, and I make it out alone, I'd come back. I'm coming back and having the Procedure done."

"You can't," he murmurs and shakes his head in denial. "Don't say shit like that. Please."

"I have to," I insist. "If we're not together or if—" I pause, unable to speak as overwhelming emotion rises in my throat. I bury my face against his chest, not wanting to look at him as I whisper, "I don't want to remember our time together. I can't. I won't do it. And I can't live out there without you."

I can't live with these new memories of him if I can't be with him.

"Promise me you won't come back," he says, voice more than a warning.

"But—"

"No, Bella. If something happens to me, you can't come back for the Procedure," he reminds me reluctantly. "They won't just let you climb back over that fence, knowing what you've done. That you've escaped. Once you leave..."

He's right.

"They'll kill me," I finish for him, knowing the reason for his hesitance. Or they'd lock me away and let me rot like his father. Either way, my freedom would be gone, and I might as well be dead.

My words linger in the air, and he tilts my chin upward, so I can meet his gaze. His eyes are hard, determined.

"I won't let them hurt you," he tells me adamantly.

He says it so assuredly. Like he has the ability to make this happen. To keep me safe. To step in if I'm in need.

But there's nothing he can do because the fact remains—I've already broken the law. Especially if they found me now, with Edward, they could take me in and charge me for any number of things. Not having reported Edward and what I know about his involvement with the resistance. Harboring information about the government and supplying Carmen with those details. Not immediately reporting James works against me, too, because there's no telling what he confessed to the enforcers about my involvement in retrieving those files.

And if Edward and I make it out of here tomorrow… when we make it out of here… that will be the worst offense yet.

I push all worst-case scenarios out of my head. I don't want our last moments to be filled with fear and dread and worry. But there's one lingering thought that won't go away.

It doesn't matter who you are. No one gets away with being unpunished.

Not even a Swan.