Nicole's A/N: Welcome back! You know what's exciting? We've finished writing this installment of Storm, and all we have left to do is post it. There are three chapters after this one. Thank you for being patient and sticking with us. :)
Chapter 39
Early September brings in hints of fall, with more rain and colder winds blowing across the Sound. Meredith likes fall, and the chill empowers her every morning she sticks her nose out of the door to go to work.
The kids are back in school and daycare already, with Zola's first day of preschool as a fond memory for Meredith. Buying all the school supplies, her lunchbox with unicorns, brand new outfits, and then taking first day pictures are moments she cherishes as she drives by herself to work.
Now that they're both working full time again, she takes turns with Derek handling the kids in the morning. It is not a forced routine as it used to be, more of a scheduling dance. They twist and swing and sway between hours, and then they meet at the hospital, and it feels much better than a few months ago.
It's been almost a year of distance, and it's not all that horrible to reduce the gap between them.
Meredith still feels a bit guilty when a notification pops up on her phone, signaling a private message from the grief forum. She knows for sure it's JackCohn. They're still chatting, though not as often, and she has no clue how to stop hearing from him.
She reads the notification as soon as she parks the car in the hospital lot.
Hey!
Just dropped off the kids at school, and thought about surprising my wife with a second breakfast at work. Bad idea?"
JC
Meredith smiles. Derek used to bring her a mid-morning coffee and pastries sometimes, calling it a second breakfast. She smiles at the coincidence and thinks about how nice that used to be. Derek has always been a breakfast freak, and she misses his nagging sometimes.
She decides to reply before she turns into Dr. Grey, then forget about this exchange and the bout of melancholy it brought.
Second breakfast is nice, but maybe plan something special for her as well? Not like a date, but agree to do something or go somewhere she loves and you don't, make it a grand gesture. Not too romantic, though, you will spook her away!
I'm off to work, keep me posted!
She signs off, then sighs, opening her car door. She thinks about the last time Derek surprised her with a grand gesture, and vows to be more open to his romancing ideas, if he ever gets around to those with her anymore. She might hate them, but they sure make her feel special, and Derek loved to woo her, back when things were good.
She settles back into her doctor mode before she crosses the hospital doors, and it feels good. Her work persona is not a grieving, broken mother with a struggling marriage, she is a tumor-removing, scalpel-wielding badass, and that feels less and less like a mask every day and more of her reality.
Today she has consults most of the day, but she's on call for the ER, so she knows her day can be unpredictable. A few weeks ago, that would have sent her spinning into panic, but now it's a welcomed unknown.
She changes into her scrubs and rounds on her patients first thing in the morning, checking how well they're recovering. For her, that is the best part, seeing them awake and smiling after she fixed their bodies and changed their lives.
When she returns to her office, she finds Derek standing next to her door, holding a small paper bag and a cup of coffee. She frowns. Is this her second breakfast?
"Bribery." Derek announces with one of his stupid grins on his face, holding out the food as a shield.
"For what?" She opens the door of her office and lets him in.
"Well, I know you have a long shift today, and you might be paged in the ER anytime, but if it all follows a schedule, would you like to eat out tonight?"
Meredith studies her husband, puzzled. Is he asking her out? Bribing her out?
"It's not...I'm not... Zola mentioned bowling. How fun it would be to go, how we haven't been bowling in a long time, full-on guilt trip," he adds, his eyes soft. What is happening?
"That's because you hate bowling." Her frown deepens.
"I do, but she loves it. And Bailey loves all the lights of the bowling alley and the French fries. You love it." The smile on his face tells her what his words don't say.
"How did bowling come up?"
"I guess one of the kids went bowling and was bragging yesterday, so now Zola is obsessed again." Derek shrugs, his eyes sparkling.
"So you think we should go tonight, take it out of the way?"
"Yes. I am also willing to eat burritos on the same night." Derek grimaces, but with a playful smile. The guy is not a fan of Mexican takeout at all and he holds a special grudge for Taco Bell, maybe due to the fact that she craved burritos for a solid month when she was pregnant with Bailey and he was sent there at all hours of the day and night. But of course even out of her womb Bailey loves tacos and burritos, and so does Zola.
"Burritos and bowling?" she asks, just to confirm that he hasn't gone insane.
"Yes. The pastry here is to prevent you from going into shock." He holds out the bag, grinning as she takes it. Chocolate croissant. She licks her lips.
"Thank you, Derek." She smiles, and his face lights up. "For this and for tonight."
"If pagers allow it." He winks.
"We'll reschedule another night soon otherwise, okay?"
"Of course. Whenever you want. The kids have a pretty open schedule after six."
Meredith giggles, watching Derek lean against her armchair, and she feels transported back into a distant past, when Derek was courting her and she was hell-bent on saying no to him. He has always been this charming, but now he's hers. Forever. If they can keep it going. Forever.
"I'll make it there tonight." And it's more of a promise to herself rather than to Derek.
Derek exits Meredith's office and takes a deep breath. He never thought it would go this well. Some of the ice between them has melted, but he hasn't seen Meredith smile like that in a while. She's been softer and much less hostile since she came back to work, but never this open. Especially not when he puts everything out there for her to dismantle.
Her tip to JackCohn probably involved something more grown-up, like a date to a fancy restaurant, but he knows they have to start small. Having the kids there can surely help diffuse the tension.
His workday drags him from one surgery to another, but nothing too long luckily, so that by five he can say without regrets that he's done for the day. He checks his phone and notices a text from Meredith.
Should be done in an hour. Pick up the kids then meet me at the mall.
He grins. He goes back to his office to change with a bounce in his step.
Derek gets Bailey from the hospital daycare, but waits to pick up Zola before he announces their evening plans.
It takes Zola a minute after he has started driving to notice they're not getting home.
"Daddy, where are we going?"
"We are meeting Mommy at the mall," he says.
"Why?"
"Well, we're getting dinner there."
"Burgers? Pizza?" Zola's eyes are already brighter, and Bailey looks more alert in his car seat, too.
"Tacos."
There are gasps from the backseat.
"Tacos?!" says Zola.
"'Ritos!" adds Bailey. He has always been more of a burrito fan, after all.
"Daddy, you don't like tacos." Zola has an adorable frown that makes Derek smile through the rearview mirror.
"But you do. And Mommy loves them."
"And you love Mommy." Zola is cheeky when she says that, but Derek's heart is warm. He's glad that in spite of all their tension and the fighting, the kids still believe they are in love.
"Yup, and I love you two. Sometimes you compromise when you love someone, and do things you don't like because they want to."
"I don't think I can do that, Daddy."
Derek laughs. "Oh, you will. I'm sure of it."
"Ritos!" Bailey shouts, clapping his hands when he sees the mall in the distance.
The kids basically run out of the car and into the mall, headed towards Taco Bell dragging Derek along. He's happy to have them lead the way, and his tension snaps when he sees Meredith waiting for them in front of the restaurant.
He had the tiniest, most insignificant doubt that she would not be able to show and they'd have to bring her a lukewarm burrito to the hospital, but she's here as promised, and she looks radiant.
Derek lets the kids greet their mother, showering her with hugs and stories of their days, and she takes that in stride. They all walk up to the desk to order before he can get a word in, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
As they all study the menu, Derek leans closer to Meredith, whispering in her ear. "I haven't told them about bowling."
Meredith turns towards him with a question in her eyes.
"I figured we could see how tired they are before they drive us crazy?"
She laughs, nods, and her body moves closer to his, her scent lodging into his nostrils and making his smile wider. He missed her being so close to him. If burritos are the trick, he'd gladly eat a dozen.
As promised, he gets a taco like Zola, while Meredith and Bailey indulge in burritos. Derek hopes Meredith brought baby wipes, because they're in for a mess.
The kids drip sauce and meat and salad down their chins and wrists, bits end up on their shirts, but it's the best family night they've had in months. The kids can't stop laughing, Meredith can't stop giggling at their antics, and Derek feels like he can breathe more easily.
"Let's go bowling," he mouths to Meredith in a moment of quiet as the kids chew the last bits of their food.
Meredith smiles, nods, and her eyes sparkle with joy; she looks genuinely giddy.
Derek sighs loudly then, and puts up some theatrics to make the kids laugh again. "So," he begins, looking serious. "Mommy and I, we decided that you've been really good tonight, so we can do one more special thing."
"More specialer than tacos?" Zola's eyes widen.
"Indeed," Meredith says, her grin infectious. He has a hard time keeping a straight face.
"Well, maybe it will be boring for you, but we wanted to go bowling together."
"BOWLING?" Zola's voice makes a few heads turn at nearby tables. Bailey starts bouncing on his seat.
"Yeah. Daddy is being very condescending tonight." Meredith laughs loudly, but Zola looks confused.
"Mommy, Daddy said he's compromprising, is that the same meaning?"
"Compromising?" Meredith hums. "Almost, yes."
Derek laughs, then, as he starts clearing up the wrappers from their dinner.
"Daddy, you're playing, right? Putting on the gross shoes and all?" Zola asks, almost worried.
"Of course," he says, even though he'd rather not. But between all they've been through, rental bowling shoes are the least of his worries. What's important is that his whole family is smiling, and the weight on his chest has almost disappeared. He can deal with unsanitary shoes for a couple of hours.
"I'll scrub my toes extra well tonight in the shower, I promise!" Zola says, nodding heavily, which brings a smile to Meredith's face.
His wife looks light. He hasn't seen Meredith look this relaxed around him in months, and it makes his breathing easier.
Maybe they can really make it through this. Maybe they will be able to move on.
They scramble to the bowling alley all together, Zola leading the way with Bailey right on her heels. He and Meredith trail slightly back, and she falls into step with him. He almost takes her hand, but only manages to brush their fingers, unsure if they can push it this far.
They manage to secure a lane at the end of the alley, as well as bumpers to help Bailey bowl instead of just hitting the gutter or maybe throw the ball on his feet. Zola settles for the bumpers, though claiming she's a big kid, which makes Meredith and Derek nod with amused smiles.
Derek lets his family go before him, content to watch the delight in Bailey's face as he hits four pins, as well as Zola's excitement when she hits seven. They all laugh until their bellies hurt when Bailey's ball gets stuck and Derek offers to recover it, almost breaking his neck in the process.
While he plays just to amuse the kids, Meredith is really focused on her shot, calculating the trajectory as if it were a tumor she had to resect.
He's fascinated by her knitted brow, all her body bending and twisting to generate the best shot, sinewy and pliant as she releases the ball. She's satisfied with her score, smirking, daring him to do better than her.
Oh, he's not taking the bait.
They tell the kids the score doesn't matter, it's the fun that counts, but she's definitely keeping an eye on the score. And he almost wants to give her this win. He needs to play fair, though, or she'll hate him for it.
So he bowls with all his rusty knowledge from high school and college, manages to keep an even score or almost even with Meredith, as Zola basically destroys them. Zola is a shark, hitting two spares in a row, then a strike which makes her jump up and down for a full five minutes.
Her excitement is contagious, the whole game lighter and lighter, even though the stakes are higher.
"Derek, if I win we're coming back next week." Meredith dares him, a dangerous glint in her eyes.
"Zola is going to win."
"Then if I score more than you, we'll come back," she corrects herself. "Give you a chance to redeem your reputation and all."
He laughs, unrestrained.
Bowling was the best idea he could ever have.
In the last round, Zola is already ahead of them by thirty points, with Bailey trailing behind them by only five points, thanks to some help from his big sister. He and Meredith are tied.
He watches her carefully, both him and the kids holding their breaths as she releases the bowling ball onto the polished wood of the lane. He can see it in slow motion as it rolls and rolls and rolls, and then hits the first pin. And the second and third, and…
Strike.
He'll never live this down.
"Yes!" Meredith gloats. Her eyes are sparkling and she's giggling.
"Mommy, you got a strike!" Zola exclaims, but he barely registers it.
His breath is knocked out of his chest when he feels Meredith jump him and tangle her body with his in a celebratory hug. He needs a moment to react, to remember where he's supposed to put his hands, how to hold his wife and celebrate with her.
The last time they held onto each other, they were crying for Eli. But now…
There's unadulterated joy on Meredith's face, sparkling in her eyes, glowing on her face like Christmas lights. She's gorgeous, and his, and finally in his arms again.
She rests her cheek in the crook of his neck, her hug loosening, her breath warm on his skin. He still holds her, unable to let go.
It lasts maybe thirty seconds, but it feels like a lifetime.
He missed this. He missed her.
"Daddy, you'll miss your turn!"
Zola's voice brings the bowling alley back into focus, makes Meredith untangle herself rather quickly, but he can still feel her warmth under his fingertips, the lavender in his nostrils, and it can be enough. That can tide him over for a bit longer, help him hang in there, cling to the embers of their love, to the small crumbs they have left.
Yet, he believes. They will make it.
Meredith thought it would be awkward after that post-strike hug, that the evening would be ruined, but instead, she feels okay with it.
She breached his space, and Derek accepted her. He welcomed her, even. It seems unreal. Not something they could have done even a month ago.
They spend the car ride back with Zola giggling and gloating, and Bailey who looks just about ready to give in to sleep in his car seat. Derek drives smoothly, a smile plastered on his face, and he looks good, he looks like her Derek from a long time ago.
Except he's still hers. Still Derek. Same man, even when he's broody and sulky and he's mean with his words. She's being mean back to him just as much, so they're even.
"Mommy, can we go back soon?" Zola asks. "Daddy?" There she pleads, Shepherd sparkly eyes and all.
"You don't think Mommy is too good for us?"
"I wanna go back so I can practice and practice and beat Mommy! I wanna win, too!"
Meredith smiles at the determination in her daughter's voice. She's her own stubborn self, and Meredith is loving it.
By the time they get home, Bailey is conked out asleep in his car seat, and she leaves Derek to the daunting task of not waking him through the whole bedtime process. She decides to open the door and start cajoling Zola for bedtime instead, but she knows it will be an easy night. The ride mellowed her, too, and she'll be out like a light soon, no doubt.
Meredith supervises Zola's quick shower, seeing her daughter's energy reserve slowly extinguishing. While she rubs Zola's whole body dry, gently massaging her skin, she can see Zola sagging in her hold.
All her movements are slow as Zola dresses, and they help Meredith unwind as well, after her workday and the excitement of the evening. She feels tired as well, though in a way rejuvenated by the newfound closeness with Derek.
She watches as Zola snuggles into her arms for a moment when she goes closer to her bed to tuck her in.
"Can Daddy say goodnight?" she whispers, sighing right beside her ear, puffs of her voice warming her lobe.
"I'll send him in. Goodnight ZoZo, I love you."
"Love you too, Mommy. I had so much fun bowling."
She backs out of the room slowly, watching how Zola's eyelashes fall slowly shut in the dim glow of her nightlight. She is such a beautiful, smart, funny little girl, that she can't believe they are the lucky ones who get to raise her.
Meredith sighs deeply as she backs out and moves to Bailey's room, where she finds Derek crouched next to Bailey's toddler bed, the little boy clinging to his neck tightly as he tries to maneuver him under the sheets.
"I love you, Bailey," Derek whispers, placing a kiss on Bailey's forehead.
Bailey mumbles something nonsensical back, clearly already half asleep. She smiles at the father-son interaction, taken aback by the gentle, soft, real smile on Derek's lips.
He smiles in the same way at her, when he spots her at the threshold.
"Zola wants a goodnight kiss," she whispers as he comes closer.
He hums and nods, his hand squeezing her shoulder as he bypasses her at the door. She almost holds onto his wrist, keeps him there, close and warm, but she knows they're not there yet. There has been more touching tonight than in the last few months, so his feather-light presence has to be enough.
Derek disappears in Zola's room, and Meredith takes a moment to kiss Bailey goodnight, watching her son sleep, again amazed that he's their baby, that they made him. Half her, half Derek. Maybe more than half Derek? A smile pulls at the corner of her lips. She can't wait to see who Bailey will become as he grows, how he will change, the things he will like.
All the things she'll never get to wonder about Eli.
She swallows the lump in her throat, then backs away from Bailey's bed, ready to retreat in her own bedroom.
Meredith gets there before Derek, so she steals the shower to clear away the grime of the day. It feels good, the warmth and the white noise. It makes her brain stop spinning.
Just like being back into Derek's arms.
"Zola is out," she hears when she closes the water to gather some shampoo. She sees the silhouette of Derek from the hazy glass, then hears the buzz of his electric toothbrush. It's familiar and comforting to know that he's not afraid to come into her space anymore, that they're back to this quiet familiarity between them.
Part of her wants to forget about washing her hair and just pull him into the shower stall with her, clothes on and all. But that's definitely way, way, way more than they can handle now.
"Good," she replies, scrubbing her scalp, ignoring the layer of tension between them.
Maybe this was too much, maybe he pushed it too far. Invading her bathroom, her shower time…
Yet, she wants him there, like it used to be, like it should be. He knows her body probably better than she knows it herself. He has seen everything, every blemish and every freckle, every scar...Well, not really.
He hasn't seen how angry red her C-section scar still looks, how fresh, how new, still.
Meredith closes her eyes, allows the water to rinse the conditioner from her hair while gently massaging her scalp, before she reopens them and looks down at her abdomen, traces the line left by the scalpel, can almost feel the bumps of the stitches.
She misses Derek in her shower, but she's not sure she's ready to show him this scar, yet.
She turns off the water, exits the stall, but Derek is already back in their bedroom. She dries off quickly, and when she's back in their bedroom already in her pajamas, rubbing the water out of her hair, he's gathering his own pajamas, ready for his shower.
Meredith lets him go inside, sits on their bed as she brushes her hair rhythmically, trying to stop her brain from spinning.
She hits the mattress before he's back in their room, only the light on his nightstand to guide him. The smell of his soap and his clean clothes almost makes her dizzy; she closes her eyes, turning herself to the center of the bed, facing him, but leaving space between them.
Derek sighs softly as he lays beside her, switching the light off and plunging the room into darkness.
"Goodnight, Mer," he whispers into the night while he stares at the dark ceiling.
"Goodnight, Derek." I love you, she thinks, but she doesn't say it.
She feels his fingers wrap around hers, a soft squeeze, gentle pressure on her knuckles, a swift stroke of his thumb on hers. She's the one that squeezes back, reining in a blissed sigh that wants to escape her lips. She closes her eyes instead, allowing the night to wrap around her.
Meredith falls asleep in minutes.
When she opens her eyes again, there's the smallest hint of sunlight peeking from the curtains and she knows it's early. Much earlier than they actually need to be up. She feels warm and safe in this cocoon of blankets that she doesn't want to move.
Except, the cocoon of blankets moves behind her, and she realizes that her fingers are tangled with Derek's around her stomach. She's holding onto him, and he's spooning her, solid and warm and hers.
She freezes in horror for the briefest of seconds, but then lets herself feel the comfort of Derek's arms.
This is what she missed the most, what she has always missed the most: the way he makes the world stop and makes everything feel safe. It's always been like that, and it makes her burrow deeper into his arms, because they're broken, but this is not. They're still them.
Derek tightens his arms around her, she can feel his warm breath on her skin, the weight of him surrounding her, and she easily falls back to sleep, lulled by his arms.
Derek breathes in Meredith, the overpowering scent of her, and it takes him more than a minute to realize he's not dreaming, that he's actually holding his wife in his arms again. She's here, solid, real, and asleep. Her breathing is even, her face relaxed, and she is just perfect like this, in the early morning light, a few minutes before the alarm rings to wake them up.
He basks in the silence of the embrace, in the slow start of their morning, for the first time in months that they're together, close, no rift between them in their bed.
He's amazed by how familiar it is, after so long. He's home, he's back home.
After this morning, he knows they will not be going back. He will hold Meredith in his arms every night, no matter what.
When Derek wraps his arms around Meredith the following night, she doesn't pull away. She snuggles deeper into his warmth instead, content.
The night after that, it's Meredith who seeks his embrace, then again the one who holds him for the only hour they get to spend in bed together after his night shift.
And just like that, they start holding onto one another again, seeking the comfort of their embrace, the way the world seems less scary when they're together.
It's their new routine, their new normal, and it feels good.
Irene's A/N: I'm so glad to be back, and so glad we're bringing this installment to a conclusion! You won't have to wait too long for the next chapter, don't worry! Thank you for being still here, reading!