Chapter 40

Hi guys, we have the new chapter. Do read it and share your thoughts. It is an emotional one, it's continuing from where the previous one stopped. Hope you like it. :)

Jay was leaving and there was nothing Hailey could do. For once she really didn't know what to say to stop him, because he was really angry and hurt. She tried nonetheless, because she just couldn't let him leave like that, more so at such an hour. Not to mention he was still recovering from his injuries. She followed him to the bedroom and saw him grabbing his clothes. She went to him and grabbed one of his hands to stop his frantic movements. He didn't look at her but she spoke nonetheless, "Jay, I am sorry."

He still didn't look at her. She tried to face him but he was not interested. She dared to reach out to his face and make him look at her, but his rigidness told her that he wasn't going to budge. So she continued with her words, "I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't know"—

"Didn't know what Hailey?" he shot back. "You didn't know that what we had was more than just sex?"

"It's not like that. I"—

"It is like that, otherwise you wouldn't have said something like that again. I am sick of you shutting down on me Hailey," he said still angry.

Jay was really letting it all out today. And she knew she was going to have to face it today, she wouldn't be able to defend herself, moreover, it would be wise to let him speak his heart out.

He continued, obviously not done, "I am really tired of that Hailey. You're fine as long as everything is fine, but when something happens it's like I don't know you at all. I can literally feel the walls you build in front of you."

"Jay…" she tried.

"No! You're going to listen to me today. You keep saying you can't take it anymore. Well, I can say the same thing. I can't take it anymore either, I just bloody can't! It's like I am talking to a wall and surprisingly that wall has knives and daggers that pierce right through my heart every single damn time."

She looked at him, slowly losing her composure and becoming emotional. Then he spoke in a gentler tone, "Just open your heart Hailey, please. Don't become a stone the moment something shaky comes our way."

She continued looking at him, because if she started talking she wouldn't be able to stop herself. He went on, "You know what, I am slowly beginning to realise why you think our relationship is only sex. It's because you don't have to invest more of yourself into it, it is simple, on the surface and casual."

"Stop," she said.

That single word told him that he had gone too far and he indeed better stop now. She glared at him, "I don't know what's gotten into you, but this is not the Jay I know."

It was his turn to stare at her blankly. "I never thought you would use my biggest weakness to prove me wrong."

He felt the need to justify, "I am not using it against you Hailey, I am just letting you know"—

"How screwed up am I? That's what you're trying to tell me right?" she questioned him.

"No," his answer was immediate.

"Then what are you trying to do Jay? Because all that you're doing is hurting me. You're practically calling me heartless, and the worst part is you actually believe that."

"No," was all he could say again.

"I have never opened up to someone the way I opened up to you. But who knew you would use that very thing to crush me?"

He looked at her, aware that he had genuinely hurt her feelings, but not sure what to say now. She continued, "You keep telling me to open my heart, but this is exactly what happens when I do. Someone stomps on it and it shatters me all over again."

"I didn't intend to hurt you Hailey, I just wanted to"—

"I know how screwed up I am. But I just wish you knew that and understood me," she said sadly.

"You're not screwed up," he said.

"I am not sure you believe that Jay."

He didn't have anything to say. She continued, "And as for our relationship or whatever the hell it is now, it was always more than sex. I said what I said because I was pissed off and not thinking straight and I am truly sorry for that Jay, but I just didn't know the one time I thought it was more than physical attraction I would be told that it was only that."

He just stared at her, "With Adam it started out like that"—

"Please don't drag Adam into this," he requested.

"I am just showing what the difference is Jay, becasue you seem to have gotten blind."

"Whatever it is, just leave Adam out of this," he repeated.

"Jay,"—

"No, this is about us, it's not about him," Jay said rather loudly.

"Okay, but I really don't know how else to make you understand that what we have is not about sex only," she replied back.

"I have understood, drop it," he said bluntly.

"Just remember one thing Jay, I have never ever used your weakness as a tool to prove a point to you. Your heart is your weakness sure, but it is your strength as well and I have loved you only because of that," Hailey said.

So many facets to their relationship and their beings were coming out that it was too much to handle at the moment. Everything was out in the open but none of them knew how to proceed. But Hailey just had one more thing to say, which for heaven's sake was something positive and uplifting. "I had a word with Voight the other day and he said he wants be back here."

At that Jay's eyes fixated on hers and he wondered what she meant exactly, "What?"

"Yeah, he said he wants me to come back to Intelligence."

Jay stared at her with an open mouth, not believing this was actually happening. The only thing that came out of this mouth was, "Really?"

She nodded. She half smiled and half scoffed and said, "He believes what we have is more valuable than some job and that shouldn't be ruined for that same job. Although, I doubt if he's right anymore."

Jay clenched his jaws. Really things were not working out for them. They needed to do something before they became as distant as islands were to cities. He needed to do something to fix this. He asked himself only one question: did he still love her? And they answer he received was overwhelming, he did love her and suddenly he was ready to do almost anything to make this work.

Hailey on the other hand was not one to go with her feelings always. As much as she wanted to make this work, she didn't know what could draw the bridge that had formed between them over the past few days. She was stubborn but she knew this very stubbornness was ruining her relationship. Was it worth it?

Jay spoke, "I am really glad to hear that Hailey. I am so happy that we'll be liv… I mean you'll be here."

"Yeah, I was thrilled too. But what we're going through leaves me hopeless Jay," she admitted, surprised at her own confession.

"We'll figure something out," he said, sincerely hoping that they would find a way.

She nodded hesitatingly, hoping the same. She spoke then, "I just want to say one more thing Jay. I am really very sorry for all that I said. I didn't want to hurt your feelings in any way, I was just… I was just finding an outlet."

Her tone, her body language, her expression had all changed. She meant what she said and she really wanted him to know that. He got emotional and spoke, "Hailey, I am sorry too, I am really am. You're not heartless, you're not a stone, you're the heart that beats in my chest. I am so sorry for everything."

She looked at him neutrally but tears were threatening to escape her eyes now. She had kept it together throughout their intense argument, but now she couldn't. And his voice and manner were not helping in any way. She turned away and cried softly, the sounds reaching Jay's ears and making him advance towards her. It was true she cried only in front of him and he was the only one who could talk her out of it, but the irony remained that today she was partially crying because of him. He went to her and placed a gentle hand on her tender shoulder, uncertain if he should even touch her. She didn't pull away, she continued in her own way. Jay had to ask now, "Will you give me a hug? I promise I'll give it back to you."

She sniffled and smiled ever so slightly, turning towards him. She looked into his eyes and saw him smile gently. She wrapped her arms slowly around his body and the feeling brought another fresh wave of tears. Boy, had she missed this? He locked his strong arms around her gentl body and rested his face on her head like he always did, and in that moment he realised why he had never let go. He was in love with this girl in a way no man had probably ever been in love with any woman.

They were wrapped in each other's arms, but it was nowhere near the way they used to gold each other. There was an amount of reservation and distance but it was something nonetheless. They were nowhere near smiling the way they used to when they were wrapped in each other's arms, but they were embracing and that in itself was a big moment regarding the current tensions.

Nothing was perfect, but there was hope.

And we come to end of the chapter. Honestly, I have no idea how I am going to make them reconcile. I have probably taken it too far and too deep. It would be a great help if you guys had some ideas. Do let me know what you think and share your ideas if you have any. Because I am speaking, very honestly, I am at a loss at the moment. I'll have to do some extra level thinking to take this forward. In any case, thank you reading. And don't forget to comment, it really motivates me. :)