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Chapter Thirty-Nine

I startle awake to a hand covering my mouth.

A scream builds in my chest until I realize it's only Edward. The alarm I feel doesn't fade away completely, though, because his eyes are wide, and his finger covers his mouth, telling me to be quiet.

I wait. We listen. His hand falls from my mouth, but his eyes pierce me with a warning that we're not safe. He mouths a silent plea, "I'm sorry."

He moves swiftly toward the window only a few feet away, but I'm uncomfortable with even that distance. It's then that I notice his gun is gone from the coffee table and secured in his hand. Whatever fear I felt before is full-fledged panic now, but I stay unmoving on the couch, my brain playing catch-up with my racing heart.

That's when I hear the slamming of car doors outside. At least four of them, maybe more. Before I have time to process what's happening, Edward takes my hand in his, and we're moving throughout the dark house, toward the back.

I don't know who's outside, or what to expect, but knowing the enforcers could be here makes my body tremble. The fear nearly incapacitates me. We can't move quickly or quietly enough.

When Edward gestures toward the alarm panel near the back door and whispers for me to set it, it feels like we're wasting time. I don't know why he wants the alarm on when we're about to leave, but I do what he says. With a shaking hand, I punch in the code and the panel beeps to give us a thirty-second warning. It takes less than five beeps until we're out the door.

There's no time for questions as we run toward the lake. I feel exposed under the bright moon, like we're under a spotlight, just begging to be seen. Edward lets go of my hand for a moment to stick his gun in the waistband of his jeans, and it takes everything I have in me not to look back.

With his hand in mine again, I follow his wordless instruction as we walk into the bitterly cold lake until it reaches our shoulders. His movements are slow, controlled. Not disturbing the water too much or making too much sound. We dip underwater completely and swim until we come up beneath the dock, so we're out of view from the house. Our shallow, desperate breaths are the loudest sound. I shiver and tread the water, numbness already taking over as my body adjusts to the temperature.

From beneath the worn wooden slats of the dock, we watch the house. Then the alarm blares from inside, and I nearly jump out of my skin.

"Fuck. They're inside," Edward whispers, and I realize why he had me set the alarm, giving us a better idea of where they are. We watch as light after light flickers on, a domino effect from downstairs up to the next floor. "We need to swim. Stay under the surface as long as you can."

"But—"

"Squeeze my hand when you need to come up for air, okay?"

The back door swings open, and though we're a good twenty yards from the house, my body goes rigid from the sound of boots shuffling on the deck and the shimmer of flashlights shining across the yard.

"Bella!" Charlie calls out.

Charlie.

We hear the sound of voices, but can't make out what they're saying. He yells my name a second time, his voice echoing off the water. It sends a chill down my spine, and though I'm more terrified than I was before, I'm even more determined to get us out of here. History will not repeat itself tonight. I refuse to be separated from Edward again or to have him taken from my memory. I'll put up as much of a fight as I can. I'll even die trying if I have to.

Without another word, Edward and I take one last breath before we sink under the surface.

It's dark underwater, but Edward swims ahead, keeping his hand in mine like he said. I keep my eyes closed since I can't see anyway and trust that Edward will take us where we need to go. My lungs start burning far too quickly, but I refrain from squeezing Edward's hand, so I can push harder and stay under longer. The fear of coming up and having them shine their flashlights on us pushes me to my limit.

We barely break the surface to catch one revitalizing breath before we're underwater again. We do this for too long and too many times. We do this until my limbs are achy, and my bones are numb from the cold. Until my body feels weighted, and I think I can't swim any longer.

When we finally break the surface for the fifth time, Edward stays above the water, looking to see how far we've swam. We can just barely see the house in the distance. The lights are still on which means they're still there.

"You okay?" Edward asks, his breath coming out in pants.

"I can't—" I gasp out, coughing. We tread water, but my body is giving out. The idea of going back under is debilitating.

"Hang onto me." Though he's breathless himself, I hold onto his neck and shoulders as he swims us a little further, our heads above the water now. I don't know how much time passes before I can reach the bottom of the lake, and we're able to walk out onto land.

We both lay on the ground for a minute or two to catch our breath. Now that we're out of the water, my body shivers even more from the cool night air. It's nearly unbearable, and my teeth are chattering, my extremities numb. But Edward's been through worse. He, Emmett, and Rose endured worse and still made it out to the unincorporated land. I focus on that. On their bravery. Their strength. It motivates me to not give up.

Edward helps me stand and guides us into the forest, our clothes soaked and weighing us down. We walk until we're in the safety of the trees, and then he stops and blindly pulls me to him. It's darker in here, and his mouth bumps against my nose, my cheek. I feel his lips press to my skin before he finds my mouth. It's quick, but I crave it.

"You're doing good, baby," he murmurs. "We gotta keep going, though."

Before I know it, we're moving again. We alternate between walking and running, my lungs burning differently than they did in the water. I have no idea how much time passes before Edward slows his pace completely, looking around as if he's able to identify exactly where we are. Maybe he can, but I don't know. I stay quiet and let him do what he does best—lead us to safety.

"Jake should be here," Edward mumbles, his face close to mine, a protective arm around me. "Where the fuck is he?"

I'm too afraid to speak and too cold to think. I'm shivering, so Edward rubs his hands up and down my arms, his teeth chattering as well. We wait for what feels like forever. Eventually, the sounds of leaves crunching and a large shadow moving toward us makes my pulse quicken. I clutch Edward close to me, and he comforts with a reassuring hand on my back and a soft kiss to my temple.

"It's just Jake," he whispers, and though this should relax me, I'm even more on edge because Jake being here means it's time to go.

Zero words are exchanged. Zero plans are made, but I guess there's already one in place. We move swiftly, but quietly, until we're out of the cover of the forest completely. The fence looms in the distance.

In the moonlight, I get a good look at Jake, who's leading the way. Tall and dark. Quiet and determined. He briefly looks back, meeting my eyes. All he does is nod once. We don't exchange hellos or pleasantries because nothing about this is pleasant.

I'm stuck in my own head, then. Terror sets in as the what-ifs begin.

What if Charlie and the enforcers followed us here? What if we can't trust Jake? What if part of the fence is electrified?

We keep walking, and I somehow keep following despite the apprehension settling deep in my stomach. Before I can voice my fears, we're at the fence.

Though my hand is still in Edward's, my palms grow clammy, the adrenaline full force in my veins. We've been conditioned to be scared of this fence our entire lives. Taught that one little touch could kill us in an instant, and here it is, taunting us with the promise of freedom on the other side.

"I can't—" I start to say, my body shaking uncontrollably now.

Edward's quick to cover my mouth with a finger, his eyes wide. He shakes his head, then brings a finger to his own mouth, reminding me to be quiet.

Jake motions for us to keep moving. Edward's grip on my hand tightens, but I don't follow, unable to walk. It feels like the ground is sinking beneath me, holding me in place.

He looks back, confused, but he must feel the panic rolling off me.

I can't do it, I think. I can't leave. I'm not brave enough.

I open my mouth again, but I remember what he said. We need to be quiet. So, I just shake my head frantically, hoping he can sense the terror in my eyes. Edward catches on and gently wraps me in his arms to pull me into a hug. He holds me for a second, warm breath exhaling into my wet hair, lips brushing against my temple.

"It's okay," he whispers into my ear, his voice quiet and reassuring. His words bring comfort for a moment, and I swallow back my fear.

"Wait," I whisper.

Jake looks back, like he's annoyed. "What's the hold up? We need to move."

Edward glares at him. "Give us a minute," he growls quietly.

Jake appeases us, but just before he steps away to give us privacy, he hands Edward a key.

"If you head west from here, my bike's about fifty yards away," Jake explains. "You can take that when you leave. Just don't turn on the engine until you're far enough away."

His words instantly catch me off guard and watching Edward pocket the key confuses me even more. "What?" I ask, but Edward avoids my eyes. "What is he saying?" I look from him to Jake then back to Edward. Guilt flashes over his face, and I instantly panic. "Are you… you're not coming?"

"Not yet. You gotta go first, with Jake. I'll be out there soon, maybe in a week or so."

My body goes colder than it already was. "No."

"It'll be fine. I'm not the one people will be looking for. I need more time to figure out how to get Esme out. So, just—" I clutch at his soaked shirt, and he tries to remove my hands. "You gotta do this, Bell."

"I can't leave you," I murmur, fighting against him to bury my face against his chest. He gives in and holds me tightly, breathing into my hair.

"Baby, you have to."

"Come with me. Please," I beg. "Please. I can't go out there, not knowing if you'll ever make it back to me."

It's selfish of me to beg him. It is. But he lied to me. He said he was coming with me, and Esme would come later. I didn't question it because why would I? Edward staying behind leaves too many opportunities for mistakes. What if someone finds out he's back? What if word gets out, and the enforcers lock him up? Or worse, kill him? He's a fugitive, and he evaded his placement date. What if my disappearance raises questions, and they decide to watch the border more closely, ruining his chances of making it out with his mom? All of the risks don't seem worth it. We're here now, and he should just come with me.

"Don't stay behind," I say again, terror filling my bones.

"I have to," he mumbles, and when I start to cry, he runs a hand over the back of my head. "I'll see you soon. So fucking soon, I promise. I can't leave my mom. You know this."

"No. I didn't know that because you lied to me," I cry. Maybe it's stupid to focus on that right now, but I'm pissed. "You should've told me sooner, so I could've wrapped my head around it. Now we're here, and I'm supposed to just… leave you? Fuck that."

"Maybe I fucked up," he murmurs guiltily. "But I knew you wouldn't go without me. I didn't have enough time to sort of the stuff with my mom and keep you safe. Please understand, Bella. Please."

"I can just hide. Until you and Esme can come. I don't need to go yet—"

"Bella, no."

"But—"

"You need to go. They're already looking for you, I mean… fuck. They were at the house," he reminds me, my stomach twisting with anguish over how close they were to catching us. "You're wasting time." He says it like he's the one annoyed now, and it makes my stomach simmer with anger.

"No." I'm sobbing and clutching at his shirt again, and he's pushing me away. He takes my hands and tries to break the grip I have on him, and I fucking hate him for this. "I hate you," I tell him, crying and gasping for breath.

"I hate me, too. But I love you. So much," he mumbles, voice breaking. "Okay? Please don't forget that. Jake will make sure you get out there safely."

"I love you," I backtrack, scared those hateful words might be the last. "Don't make me do this." I reach for him again, desperate for him to comfort me.

"Ssh," he murmurs, wiping my cheeks with his thumbs. But then I see his own eyes glisten, and I can't hold back. "It's fine. You'll be fine. People are waiting for you. Rose is waiting for you. She needs you. I'll be with you soon."

"Edward—"

"No. Do you think I've fought this long and this hard for you, for us, to have it all fall apart? No. I'm not gonna let anything happen. Please trust me, Bella. Just… go. Please. Fucking go," he pleads, his voice breaking. "If you don't, then I'll let you stay, and I won't be able to push you away anymore. If you stay, they will keep us apart, and I can't live like that. So, just go… please..." His words trail off, breaking my heart.

He's right. I need to trust him, and I need to be strong. For him. For Rose. And for Emmett, too. I'm heartbroken and beyond terrified that this is what he thinks is best, but there's no time to argue. No time to make him change his mind. He did this on purpose to make sure that I'd be forced to go without him. As pissed as I am, I don't hate him. I don't. I could never. The guilt over telling him that makes me feel sick.

There's a faint sound in the distance, and Jake moves closer, shooting a warning look our way.

It's time.

Edward presses his forehead to mine and exhales a shaky breath.

"I love you," he whispers when we pull apart. "I'm sorry."

"I love you, too." I kiss him one last time and gather courage from his lips. "I love you," I say once more, hoping he knows it.

With the fence only inches from us, I stare at the taunting zig-zags of steel. I hesitate, so Edward reaches for it first as I hold my breath. Just as he's about to touch it, I clench my eyes closed. I'm expecting him to be jolted back from the power, but there's only silence. When I open my eyes, he's still standing here, touching the cold, lifeless fence. It doesn't hold any electricity, just like he said.

He motions for me to go, and I take a deep breath, reaching out to lace my fingers between the diamond patterns. With a shaking hand, I finally touch it, too.

And nothing.

No electricity. No power. Nothing other than the invisible control it holds over us to keep us afraid and in line.

My breath catches in my throat, every lie hitting me full force.

I feel like crying or screaming, but instead, I'm filled with a new determination. Edward kisses me one last time before I grip the fence and climb. I don't look down, and I take comfort in the fact that Jake will be right behind me. It's at least fifty feet tall, or so we're told, but it feels much higher. It's flimsy underneath me, and the steel slightly bends and sways with each movement. It hurts under my hands, but I keep going, pushing through. The fear of being so exposed and knowing we could be seen or shot down overpowers my pain.

Once I reach the top, my limbs shake as I try to crawl over to avoid the barbed wire. I get snagged more than a few times, the metal barbs scraping my skin, making me bleed. I nearly lose my footing and slip, but somehow I'm able to stop the scream that bubbles in my throat. Jake's at the top then, next to me, giving me an encouraging nod. My pain and his reassurance push me to keep moving, and soon enough, all that's left to do is climb down.

Suddenly, I'm on the other side, feet on gravel.

Suddenly, I'm free.

Jake jumps the last few feet to meet me.

I look back, and Edward is there, the fence between us. It feels wrong leaving him behind, and I can't decipher the look in his eyes. There isn't enough time. I weave my fingers through the steel and reach for him once more. He entwines his fingers with mine, squeezing once, and the look on his face kills me. He's torn, like he doesn't have the strength to watch me go. I expect him to say one last "I love you," or something encouraging, but he only whispers, "Go."

So, we run.