A/N: This chapter is a bit... dramatic. Ok, a lot.
~Hell sent us the most evil disease and we humans called it love~
We laid in bed after our fuck fest, exhausted, not just physically but mentally – everything that happened during the past twenty-four hours replayed in my mind.
It was easy to forget about all of our problems when we were like this – in my room, naked, open, and vulnerable with the light from the sunset peeking through my window, casting a beautiful glow on our bodies. Surrounded by a comfortable silence, our touch speaking words we can't say aloud, his fingers softly caressing every surface of my body. Consumed by each others smell, touch, and taste.
At this moment – we forget about our flaws, our demons and pretend that we're a happy, normal couple in love. Although, that was far from the truth – everything except for the in love part. That was real, but our love was dangerous – love too passionate that consumed, love that destroyed, love that brought out the crazy green-eyed monster in us.
The saying that you can love someone too much to the point that it will break you, is true.
I could tell that Edward was starting to feel pain from the bruises and cuts that littered his body, with the way he winced when he moved a certain way. Now that his high of violence and sex wore off, his body was sore.
This is the first time I've seen someone able to inflict damage on Edward; every fight I've seen him in, he's usually untouched. Many of his bruises on his body are covered by his tattoos but you can see hints of purple bruised skin.
Neither of us want to break the silence first, knowing that nothing good ever comes from our conversations.
Fight, Fuck, Lie, Repeat - that's our cycle.
Even though we both had the most mind-blowing sex of our lives, this had to stop. This doesn't make me love him any less but this isn't healthy. We need to start growing up before it's too late and we'll really destroy one another.
I'm not going to follow in my Mother's footsteps of living an unstable lifestyle and although I may not be addicted to drugs, like she was – being addicted to Edward was almost as bad. I didn't crave anything but him and it was making me lose my mind.
My heart is shattering in my chest, but I need to be strong enough to do this – for both of us. Maybe we can reconnect and have a do-over when we're better versions of ourselves.
I know that Edward is my soul mate and that I will never connect with someone the way I do with him, but we need to heal if we want to be together – the right way, if we actually want to last.
As cliché as it sounds, I love him so much that I'm willing to lose him to save us.
I'm already over my head for him, if we fall even deeper and things get worse, I don't know if we'll recover from it. It took me a long time to get over what happened with my mom and I was only a child, I can't go through that again.
We're so volatile together, like a bomb disguised, waiting to explode. Every few days we're fighting, he constantly says he's going to try to control his anger and then he just gets worse.
His temper and problems control him and I can't be the one to save him. I know he's not telling me everything about what happened to him back home. I don't want to push and force him to tell me because I know it won't fix anything. He needs to face his demons and deal with them. He can't keep on hiding behind his fists and fury.
It scares me how much his corruption and violence turns me on, bringing out the dark desire within me – that's why I need to stop this.
Edward's fingers leave a trail of goosebumps on my skin, the reminder of how my body reacts to his touch, making this so much more difficult.
What breaks me the most is the little glimpses of the gentle, sweet boy beneath the rough exterior; the boy before whatever fucked with his head. How would our relationship be if we weren't so fucked up, would we be better – would we still love each other as much?
He's very quiet, solemn like he already knows what I'm going to say – and do. His fingers curling through my hair as he's cuddled into my body from behind.
With a crippling deep breath, I break the silence. "We need to talk about what happened," a slight tremble in my voice.
Why do I feel like I'm being ripped apart, limb-by-limb?
I can't look at him.
Why does this man turn me into this meek little girl, I'm never like this.
"What is there to say? It's fixed," he says firmly with no emotion – end of discussion, he doesn't want to talk about it.
That just reminds me why I need to do this. We can't keep on repeating this agonizing pattern. This is his method – fuck your problems away and pretend they never happened until it happens all over again.
I huff in frustration and sit up so I can see his face. "Look Edward, it's not cool that you followed me and you can't beat the shit out of every guy I talk to, without knowing anything about them first. "
I have to glance away from him, it's so hard for me to be serious when he looks delicious lying there only in his boxers, with his arms behind his head, his skin covered in my marks, and his hair wild from my hands. Staring up at me with those smoldering eyes.
That riles him up, he sits up and glares at me. "Well, why wouldn't you tell me you were meeting him then, if it wasn't a fucking secret? I'm just supposed to be ok with my girlfriend hanging out with another guy alone in his house without even knowing about it?" The venom back in his tone.
"Ok fine yes, I should have told you, but I knew you were going to overeact and I didn't want you to freak out. You can't just always jump to conclusions, you need to hear me out first," I complained. "I would never cheat on you, I've only wanted you Edward but you don't fucking trust me."
He doesn't say anything, an unspoken response that admits he doesn't trust me.
I'm starting to get frustrated at his childish way of communicating. "Look I know your ex cheated on you and there's obviously more to the story…" I can't finish my sentence because Edward interrupts me.
"You don't fucking know anything – don't talk about it," he snaps.
Tears spring to my eyes. I can't do this.
"Edward, I can't fucking do this anymore!" I've lost my cool, tired of being the rational, calm one all the time. "This isn't healthy, we're too dependent on each other and you're too possessive, I've lost all of my friends because of you," I sigh and wipe the tears from my eyes. "I'm tired of us fighting all the time, we both need to heal from our pasts."
"That's fucking easy for you to say," he scoffs.
"Excuse me?" What the hell is he trying to say? That my problems with my mom are easier to get over than his? That's not fair.
I'm fuming, my mouth is half way open, about to start yelling at him, but he cuts me off and changes the subject. "Have you fucked him?"
That caught me off guard, who is he talking about? He just said that he didn't want to talk about Jake because the problem was fixed so he must be talking about someone else?
"Who are you talking about now?" I ask in annoyance.
"Your little friend Jacob," he sneers.
I knew he wasn't over the jake thing. He didn't want to talk about it at first, but it was still clouding his mind, fueling his anger.
"No, we already discussed this, I told you I didn't." I regret the next words as they slip from my mouth, but he needs to know the truth. I can't keep on lying to him, plus this was before I even met him. "Not after I met you at least," I mumbled, wringing my hands in my lap.
The bomb has officially exploded.
He jumps off the bed in rage. "You mean you were alone at a guy's house you used to fuck?" He roars, grabbing a decoration I have on my bedside table and throwingg it full force across the room. I jump back in fear even though the item is thrown in the opposite direction.
"We haven't fucked in years, I didn't even know you, what the hell is your problem? He's just my fucking friend!" I screeched, sitting still on the bed, my body vibrating with anger.
I'm only in my bra and panties, I cover myself up in a bedsheet, feeling like I'm in front of a stranger with Edward acting like this. This is worse than I thought.
"I don't care, I should go kick his fucking ass, you're never seeing him again," he snarled, pulling on his hair so hard I wouldn't be surprised if he ripped out some strands.
"Because of someone I fucked before I even knew you existed?"
"The fact that you still hang out with someone you used to fuck who clearly still wants you, and lie about it." His jaw is clenched tight, his veins throbbing in his neck and forehead.
"Edward, you can't control who I'm friends with, you have to trust me or this relationship will never work!"
"Why should I? All girls are cheating, lying sluts," he seethes in the lowest, coldest voice I've ever heard from him - sending chills through me and freezing me in my spot.
My heart drops to my stomach, shattering me into pieces and the dead silence fills the room at his words. I'm in shock, I can't believe he just said that.
After what feels like minutes of neither of us moving, every single nerve ending in me explodes as I lose my mind and freak out. I jump off the bed and start grabbing his shit, throwing it at him. I hear sobs and screams and don't even realize they're coming from me.
This is the last way I expected to do this but my decision was made.
"Go fuck yourself Edward! I fucking hate you! Get the fuck out of my house, we're done!" I've never screamed or cried so hard in my life, my voice cracking and my vision blurring from the tears that soak it. It takes everything in me to not collapse right there in the middle of the floor.
Edward panics, stomps over to me and in a second, he grabs me around my neck and pushes me against the wall - hard. "You're not fucking leaving me," he threatens with an alarming and frightening glint in his eyes, his hot breath casting over my face. Even though his grip isn't hard enough to cut off my air supply and he's held me like this before when we've had sex, this way is much different considering our argument. I immediately grip onto his wrists to pull his hands off of me.
I've never been afraid of Edward except for this moment.
He snaps out of his madness, pulling back in shock. His eyes widen and he immediately drops his hands, holding them up in surrender as agony takes over his expression. "Fuck... what the fuck am I doing?" He mutters to himself in pain, shaking his head.
I can't breathe, I can't move, my soul feels seperated from my body. All I can feel is my body trembling.
"I'm so fucking sorry... Please Bella, I didn't mean that. I don't know what came over me." Tears start pouring down his face as his voice shakes.
It's like the rage in Edward transferred to my body as I rush over to him and start pounding my fists into his chest, bawling, the words I'm screaming out are a blubbering mess. I feel like I'm being sliced in half, I've never felt an emotional pain this deep before. I thought by leaving him, we could save some of our sanity, but it was too late, there was nothing left of us.
Edwards stands there completely numb, allowing me to attack him, not doing anything to resist or fight back. I look up at him and his eyes are swollen red.
He tries to wrap his arms around me to pull me into him, but I fight even harder to resist, until I eventually collapse and just sob into his arms.
How is the person that hurts you the most, also the one that comforts you.
He kisses the top of my head and in a desperate throaty whisper, he says, "you can't leave me baby." He looks so broken and distraught, this is what we do, we love too hard until we hurt each other. "I'd never fucking hurt you." He pushes his lips into mine, tasting his tears. Before he can get any further, I snap out of his hold and push him away.
What, he thinks I'm going to forgive him that easy?
"Stop saying that cause you fucking did, you always fucking hurt me," I choked out. "And I'm not your fucking baby anymore." His hand didn't actually hurt me, but I couldn't handle his possessiveness or temper anymore, it was too much.
No. I can't give in because this will just happen again next time, maybe even worse.
He stares at me as if I pushed my hand into his chest and ripped his heart out from it with my bare hands, I probably did, but he did the same to me.
He holds me by my biceps - begging, sobbing, apologizing, saying anything for me to forgive him.
It's too late.
My lips quiver as a strangled cry leaves my throat, "get out." My eyes trained on my feet.
I feel the heat of his stare for a moment before he steps back, defeated. I doubt anyone has ever made him feel like that before. I'm shocked that he gave up, that he didn't continue to fight until he got his way - that's what he always does.
I hear him get dressed, grab his things and his footsteps trail out of the room.
The last words I hear from him before he leaves are, "I love you so much, that's the only reason why I'm leaving, so I don't hurt you more than I already have."
Why? Why does he have to break me even more with his words? With this vulnerable side of him that I need so bad, but I only get glimpses of.
I collapse to the ground, screaming and balwing out every single emotion inside of me.
If this is what I thought would be better for us, why do I feel empty inside. At least when we fought I felt something - passion, heat, love. Now I just feel numb and broken.
A/N: I know a lot of you are probably not going to like this chapter. I did heed a warning at the beginning of this story and I do not condone abuse of any sort, but this story is about an extremely toxic relationship and unfortunately this stuff is common in unhealthy relationships.
Just have faith in me, there will be a HEA and they will redeem themselves. This story is going to have subject matter that is NOT ok, but just like in real life – not everything is perfect. Some people need to heal through their past traumas because even though it may not make them a bad person, they may do things that aren't 'right'. There is more to the story that hopefully will bring everything to light.