"Let me show you the kitchen," Tom said, ignoring Harry's brief moment of shock. Perhaps he hadn't noticed it, or perhaps he was just being polite and pretending Harry wasn't a giant spaz who freaked out at the weirdest moments. "It's one of my favourite places in the house."
The kitchen was indeed lovely. Large, with light cabinetry and slate floors and an island with a cooktop. Opposite that stood a round, oak table with four chairs.
Inexplicably, Harry's thoughts became fantasies, of spending lazy mornings in this kitchen with his soulmate, bickering about what to have for breakfast while Tom bumped his hip against Harry's to move him out of the way, and in retaliation Harry grabbed Tom's arm and hauled him in for a quick snog until Tom wrenched himself free with a slap to Harry's arse and promises of a shared shower later.
"Harry?"
Blinking, Harry turned to look at Tom, who stood beside him quietly, gazing at Harry with a questioning curve of his eyebrow. That hadn't been real, what Harry had seen with his mind's eye just now. Just wishful thoughts that had invaded his mind and for some reason a sudden lump formed in Harry's throat at the realization that his overactive imagination had spontaneously sketched him a vision of a future for which Harry would do almost anything to achieve.
"You all right?" Tom asked, now looking slightly worried at Harry's blank stare.
Clearing his throat a few times, Harry finally managed to get rid of that annoying lump. "Yeah," Harry whispered with a helpless shrug. "I just realized you've got a home. A real home." Ducking his head, Harry took a few steps away from Tom further into the lovely farm kitchen. He felt oddly embarrassed admitting this but if anyone could understand these feelings it was Tom. "Just the other day I was thinking that I don't have a home. Not yet, at least. I thought it might be Grimmauld Place because I inherited it in my last life and I've been dropping hints at Sirius that he should consider me if he wants to get rid of it."
"But?" Tom asked when Harry fell silent as he looked around the kitchen.
"But apparently I suck at dropping hints because last night Sirius was ready to hand Grimmauld Place over to Dumbledore, again, without a care. And I was forced to admit to myself that it's not my home, because Sirius owns it and ultimately he can do with it what he wants." Harry shrugged once more, turning his back to Tom as he looked out of the kitchen window to take in the overgrown backyard that was filled with six-foot-high shrubs and hedges. It must have been a nicely decorated yard once, but a decade of neglect had turned it into a jungle.
"Harry, you're still young," Tom said quietly as he stepped up beside Harry, briefly glancing at him. "I didn't find my home until I was well into my twenties and I inherited this property. Before that I was homeless as well."
Harry snorted in amusement at Tom's choice of words. Tom had always had a roof over his head, just like Harry, and yet Tom was right. He had been homeless, as Harry was at that time. Yes, officially he lived with the Dursleys, but that had never been home, just a house he was forced to spend time in.
"Perhaps you will find a real home soon, without even looking," Nagini said as she slid closer to them. That confirmed one suspicion Harry had ever since learning of Nagini's beginnings as a human. Nagini might be unable to speak English anymore, she still understood it just fine.
"Why on earth did your godfather want to offer his property to Dumbledore, though?" Tom asked with a frown as he glanced at Harry again. "Does he not realize the old man made sure he ended up in Azkaban for life without a trial?"
Harry sighed and shook his head in both amusement and despair. "Dumbledore lied about me being in danger and like the true Gryffindor he is, Sirius acted without considering any consequences and happily agreed when Dumbledore asked him for the keys to Grimmauld Place because his precious order needs headquarters because Voldemort is back, don'tcha know?" Harry ignored Tom's amused chuckle. "Yeah, laugh it up, but I had just moved all the interesting stuff from the Room of Requirement to the attic of Grimmauld Place and I would be very upset if Dumbledore or Molly Weasley got their hands on any of those books or artefacts just so they can throw them away, which they did in our previous lives."
That sobered Tom up at once. As a genuine bibliophile, Tom looked horrified at the thought of someone throwing out books.
"I think I've managed to convince Sirius to rescind his offer to Dumbledore," Harry said with a small grin at seeing Tom so distraught.
"There is no telling what sort of books might be in the Room of Requirement's collection. Unique tomes that can be found nowhere else," Tom whispered, more to himself than to Harry. He inhaled a deep breath and turned to look Harry in the eye. "Those books and artefacts are not safe there, not if your godfather is so easily convinced to hand over the house to Dumbledore. My attic has plenty of empty space and this house is under a Fidelius so no one can get to them here."
Harry was tempted to hug Tom but he didn't want to overdo it, especially not since his mind was overactive enough already when it came to conjuring up visions of kissing Tom at the weirdest moments. "That's an excellent idea and will help me sleep better. I actually yelled at Sirius last night when he told me he'd given the old goat the house. I'll ask Kreacher to move everything over if you show me where he should store it." Harry's eyes widened and he offered Tom a huge, victorious smile. "That reminds me. Kreacher is officially my elf now."
"Black gave him to you?" Tom guessed. "For Yule?"
"That's what I thought," Harry said, unable to hold back a chuckle. "But Sirius is really bad at giving a house-elf that hates him commands, and Kreacher managed to get the magic to work using one of Sirius' misplaced orders and my conviction he was supposed to be my elf."
"That is terribly clever of him," Tom said with an amused smile.
Harry briefly bit his lip and gave Tom his best triumphant look. "Turns out my elf is more of a Slytherin than yours, no matter Dobby is excellent at sneaking around."
"It's not a competition, Harry," Tom said with his most unimpressed glare.
"I know it's not a competition." Harry followed Tom out of the kitchen and up the flight of stairs in the hallway. "But if it were a competition, I'd win."
"My dear, Dobby managed to sneak spiked tea in front of Dumbledore causing him to lose his position as Chief Warlock." Tom narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Harry over his shoulder as they climbed the stairs all the way to the attic. "Dobby would win, no contest, but again, it's not a competition."
"Pfft." Harry shook his head while he snickered. "It's impressive, what Dobby did, but Kreacher manipulated the magic that holds him enslaved in such a way he got exactly the master he wanted. Now that is impressive."
"I do believe we should simply agree to disagree." Tom pushed open a door at the top of the staircase and together they entered a huge, mostly empty attic with slanted ceilings and a few small, square windows. Several crates and boxes lined one side of the room but they hardly took up any space at all. "Call your elf."
"Kreacher!"
With a soft pop, Kreacher appeared in front of Harry. "Little Master is calling Kreacher?"
"Yeah," Harry said while a soft zing of magic ran up his spine. Harry guessed that was the result of his magical bond with Kreacher. "Sirius almost gave Grimmauld Place to Dumbledore yesterday, so it's better for everyone if all the items we took from the Room of Requirement are moved here for safekeeping. Will you bring them over?"
"Kreacher will."
Harry frowned for a moment as a thought occurred to him. "I don't suppose you can move over the entire Black Family Library as well?"
Kreacher shook his wrinkled head. "No, Kreacher is not being able to move the library books out of the house. But Kreacher can copy the books and bring those here."
"Could you?" Harry asked in amazement while beside him Tom inhaled a sharp breath. "Would you? You can take your time, no hurry."
"Kreacher will." And with a soft pop, Kreacher disappeared again.
"I'm about to say something I rarely do," Tom announced with an expression that was stuck somewhere between shock and admiration. "I was wrong. Your elf wins. Kreacher just procured the entire Black Family Library for us. Even Dobby and his magical tea switcheroo cannot top that."
"Ha!" Harry gave Tom's arm a victorious slap while he grinned at seeing Tom's disgruntled face. "It's healthy to admit you've lost, all the psychology books say so."
"No need to rub it in," Tom muttered, but Harry ignored him.
"There's no shame in coming in at second place," Harry rambled on, just because Tom looked adorable while simultaneously processing an unexpected victory and an unwanted loss. "Dobby is an excellent house-elf, but he lacks that little extra cunningness my house-elf has. It's not a reflection on your own qualities, I'm sure."
"I challenge you to a duel," Tom said with narrowed eyes, much to Harry's shock.
"What?"
"You heard me. The duelling chamber is in the basement. Follow me." And without giving Harry a chance to reply, Tom turned on his heels and marched down the stairs, Harry hurrying after him while he realized he might have just pushed his soulmate a little bit too far.
There was no way Harry would win against Tom in a duel. Not without an enormous amount of luck, like Tom accidentally slipping and hitting himself in the face with a stunner or something. Outside of such unexpected scenarios, Harry was screwed and he knew it.
Worse yet, Tom also knew it and his expression became more and more delighted the closer to the basement they got.
When they finally reached the very bottom of the staircase that accessed the whole house, Tom pushed open one of three heavy wooden doors and flicked his wand to light the lamps that hung on the walls all around the room. The room itself was bare, with a low ceiling with exposed beams, white-washed walls and slate tiles on the floor, but it was quite long and certainly suitable for duelling.
"I assume you know the rules of duelling, my dear?" Tom asked with a sly smile as he walked to one end of the room.
"Of course," Harry replied automatically, while in truth he didn't have a clue. He knew official duels had rules, he just didn't know what they were.
Tom tilted his head and gave Harry the kind of look that said he saw right through Harry's bullshit but instead of calling him out he'd rather just watch Harry crash and burn as a result of his wilful ignorance.
Swallowing, Harry got out his wand, silently cursing his ingrained Gryffindor tendencies.
"Assume your position," Tom said, and Harry quickly copied whatever Tom did. Standing with his legs spread slightly, shoulders tilted back and wand raised. "On the count of three. One…two…three."
"Expelliarmus!" Harry cried out, mostly on reflex.
Tom easily side-stepped the red beam of magic that hurtled his way. His expression was one of amusement and consideration as he observed Harry quietly.
"Stupefy!" Harry tried again, but once more Tom merely stepped out of the way, this time quirking an eyebrow almost in a challenge.
"Bombarda!" Harry cried out in frustration. Tom sidestepped yet again, cool as you please, not even responding when the hex exploded against the wall behind him. Harry couldn't believe Tom was just standing there, silently mocking Harry. Voldemort never had any problems throwing all types of curses at Harry. "Do fucking something!"
"If you insist, my dear," Tom said with a smile that was perhaps the smuggest Harry had ever seen it. Tom never uttered a word, but simply waved his wand around. No hexes or curses came flying Harry's way. Instead, the ceiling suddenly sprouted black tentacles that reached for Harry's arms.
"Finite Incantatem!" Harry yelled as he aimed at the nearest tentacle, but it did nothing to cancel the magic. Suddenly a swarm of wasps sprung to life in front of Harry's face which promptly attacked him with their stingers as they buzzed around his mouth and eyes and ears. Frantically, Harry waved his hands around to chase them away, but the ceiling tentacles closed around his wrists just as the floor beneath him became liquid and Harry fell into what seemed to be quicksand. The next thing Harry knew his wand flew out of his hand towards Tom, who easily caught it.
"Well, that was disappointing," Tom said as he strolled towards Harry without a care in the world.
Harry, in the meantime, hung suspended by tentacles while his legs were stuck in mud and wasps stung his face. Rarely had he felt such searing embarrassment as he did at that moment. His face must be bright red, and not just from the wasp venom.
"You have plenty of raw power, but absolutely no finesse nor any idea of tactics and you lack a sufficient spell repertoire." Tom smiled in a way that slightly softened his harsh verdict of Harry's skills.
"No one has ever actually taught me how to duel," Harry muttered through lips painfully swollen with wasp venom.
"Evidently. And surprisingly, we only ever really duelled once, during my resurrection in our previous life, and our wands connected in a way that made a true duel impossible." Tom waved his wand around and within moments the tentacles disappeared and Harry stood on solid ground again. Another few waves and all the wasps popped out of existence and Harry's swollen face shrunk back to normal, the stinging pain slowly ebbing away.
"Thanks," Harry whispered, staring at his own shoes, unable to meet Tom's eyes since he still felt ridiculously embarrassed by this sound defeat. It only drove home a few points Harry had realized since his second chance. That Dumbledore had wanted him vulnerable and untrained and that Harry never would have stood a chance against Voldemort in a real duel without the quirkiness of their connecting wand cores.
"Well, I shall just have to teach you," Tom said, and Harry snapped his head up, staring at Tom with wide eyes.
"Really? You'd teach me how to actually duel?" Harry asked, embarrassment quickly forgotten and replaced with a warm burst of excitement.
"Of course," Tom said, and it looked for a moment that he wanted to say more but Harry never gave him the chance.
Later, Harry would be unable to explain how exactly it happened, but at that moment Harry suddenly found himself standing against Tom with his lips pressed against Tom's mouth.
For several long seconds, that might as well have been minutes or hours, neither of them moved. But then Harry's Gryffindor courage finally took over and Harry stood up on his toes a bit, cupped the back of Tom's head, fingers weaving through his thick hair, and actually kissed him.
Tom inhaled a sharp breath through his nose, eyes wide, but as Harry gently moved his lips against Tom's, his rigid stance relaxed. Tom's eyes drooped closed as he placed a warm hand against the side of Harry's head and teased open Harry's lips with the tip of his tongue.
A quiet little moan escaped Harry as his tongue touched Tom's and they deepened their kiss.
Whatever had possessed Harry to kiss Tom right there and then, he couldn't say, but he was absolutely ecstatic that he had. This felt nothing like the hesitant and inexperienced kisses he'd shared with Cho or Ginny in his previous life.
Kissing Tom felt like something just clicked into place and suddenly all the uncertainties Harry had ever had vanished and his entire life finally made sense.
Just as Harry felt his body starting to respond to the feeling of Tom's tongue caressing his own over and over again, Tom pulled back, breaking their kiss.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this," Tom said, physically taking several steps back to distance himself from Harry.
"Wut?" Harry managed to say while a wave of icy rejection crashed into him that made him simultaneously want to run away in embarrassment and shout in anger and curl up in a ball and cry in despair.
Tom shook his head and finally looked up to meet Harry's wide-eyed stare. His dark-blue eyes were shining with something that Harry couldn't identify. "It's not you, Harry. I'm just…" Tom blew out a shuddering breath and rubbed a trembling hand across his eyes. "I'm still trying very hard to keep myself on my mental broomstick, if that makes sense."
"Er…" Harry swallowed and nodded, even though he wasn't sure if he understood what Tom was saying. He wanted to know what Tom was saying. Had to know why Tom rejected him.
"Harry," Tom said, and finally Harry recognized the emotion he saw shimmering in Tom's eyes. Vulnerability. Harry was sure he'd never seen that emotion displayed so openly on Tom's face before. "You're not the only one who has been traumatized by their previous life."
"Oh." Harry nodded again, clasping his hands in front of him because he suddenly realized they were just dangling there and somehow that annoyed him.
"And I'm much improved," Tom said, sounding a little more confident now, as if he finally figured out how to explain himself. "I'm doing so much better than in our previous lives, and even compared to the first couple of months since our return. But I still have issues I'm dealing with, things I have to work through for myself."
"Okay," Harry said and then he realized exactly what Tom was saying and suddenly he felt like the most selfish prick in the whole wide world. "Fuck, Tom, I had no idea you were going through the same stuff that I was going through sometimes. I'm so sorry that we've only been working on my traumas."
"Don't be absurd," Tom said with a disbelieving little sniff. "Of course you had no idea, since I didn't tell you or anyone else for that matter. I've never had anyone to share such things with, and even now that you are in my life I still find it very difficult to address such personal issues. All of this is new to me."
"Being a functional human being?" Harry guessed.
Tom snorted and his lips curled up in a smile as if he couldn't stop it. "Yes, being a functional human being. I'm still learning and I'm terrified to fuck this up and turn back into a monster."
"You'd never – "
Tom cut Harry's protests off with a gesture of his hand while he gave Harry an even look. "It doesn't matter what I would or wouldn't do right now. What matters is that I have to convince myself of these things and that is still a work in progress. And I have to figure these things out before I can commit myself to you, sweetheart. You deserve my undivided attention and I simply cannot give that to you just yet."
Harry bit his lip and swallowed against a lump in his throat that made his eyes water.
"It's not a 'no'," Tom said as he took a step closer to Harry, looking and sounding more like himself again. "It's a 'I need time to figure out how to be a functional human being before I can commit myself to a romantic relationship because I really, truly, desperately don't want to fuck up whatever relationship we have between us'."
Harry chuckled, a sense of relief washing over him, taking that stupid lump away. "All right. I get that."
"Thank you." Tom cupped Harry's cheek with his hand and ran his thumb across Harry's bottom lip. "Face it, Harry. We are inevitable."
Hearing Tom say that clinched the deal for Harry, that Tom really wasn't rejecting him, but merely postponing the next step in their relationship. And Harry could be patient. Probably. "Yeah, I got that idea as well," Harry whispered, staring into Tom's eyes. "Ever since we got this second chance the most important person in my life has been you and I don't see that changing anytime soon."
"I feel the exact same way," Tom said with a slow nod. "Give me some time and eventually we'll take that step."
"Take all the time you need. I'll wait," Harry said and was surprised to see a flash of relief cross Tom's face. "I mean that," he added, to make sure Tom understood Harry would wait as long as it took. There was no one else Harry was interested in and Harry honestly couldn't imagine that changing now or ever. Tom was his soulmate since they literally shared a soul, or at least a part of it, not to mention they'd both been given a second chance at life. There was no one in the whole world who could compete with that.
"Thank you," Tom said softly, his eyes warm again and his smile bright. "I promise I'll make it up to you eventually that you have to wait for me to sort myself out now."
"Nah," Harry said with a dismissive wave of his hand while returning Tom's smile. "I can wait, really. And it's probably a good thing for both of us to not jump into a relationship too quickly. I haven't got a clue what I'm doing either most of the time, to be honest. Mostly, I just wing it."
"Gryffindor," Tom said with a smile that was both incredibly fond yet mildly mocking.
Harry grinned. "Guilty as charged."
"Silly boys."
Both Tom and Harry turned to look at the side, where they saw Nagini curled up in a corner, looking terribly amused for a snake that could barely move enough muscles to even have facial expressions.
"Nagini," Tom said with the kind of tired sigh that spoke of decades of being spied on by his serpent sibling. "Enjoying the show?"
"Yes, very much, thanks for asking," Nagini said without a hint of shame. She raised her head a little and gave Tom a long look. "I am very proud of you, Tom, for finally trying to become a functional human being."
Tom rolled his eyes while releasing another sigh, this one even deeper than the one before.
"I'm serious," Nagini insisted with a soft snicker. "You've certainly never attempted such a thing before. It's going to be ever so amusing to see how you manage it. So far I'd say at least your romantic qualifications need some work."
Harry might have fallen a little bit in love with Nagini right then and there, if only for her ability to make Tom Marvolo Riddle blush.
Clearing his throat, Tom shot Nagini a brief, highly annoyed glare and then gave Harry an apologetic smile. "Ignore her. It's what I usually do when she gets like this."
"It never works," Nagini assured Harry while she stretched herself out a little.
Tom did indeed ignore her, even going so far as turning his back on her. "Anyway, about duelling."
"Oh yeah, you were going to teach me." Harry perked up at that reminder. He really wanted to learn how to duel properly and he was sure there wasn't a better teacher in the whole world than Tom. From what Harry knew his soulmate really was very good at it to the point that even Dumbledore with the Elder wand couldn't best him in a duel, and that was saying something. Harry truly looked forward to learn even just a fraction of the things Tom knew when it came to magical duelling.
"First things first, your breathing," Tom said with a knowing little smile.
"What?" Harry asked, eyes widening in disbelief and no small amount of disappointment.
"Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting to hex me silly first thing?" Tom's smile grew into a proper smirk and Harry sighed in defeat. "Sorry to disappoint you, my dear, but for now I'm going to teach you how to breathe."
And that is exactly what Tom did over the next hour while Nagini watched on and offered comments of her own, some mocking but others surprisingly insightful. Harry huffed and puffed and learned to use his diaphragm properly while pronouncing spells and while silently casting in a steady, rhythmic stream of hexes.
Right as they were getting ready to break for lunch, Kreacher popped into the basement room. "Kreacher is finishing bringing all of the Little Master's treasures to the attic."
"That's a relief. Thanks, Kreacher," Harry said while giving Kreacher a soft pat on his shoulder.
"Kreacher will be copying the library now," Kreacher said and without waiting for a reply he popped away again.
"Best house-elf ever," Harry said with a knowing grin while Tom rolled his eyes. And then something occurred to him. "Wait, how is Kreacher able to see the house? You didn't tell him the secret, did you?"
"Kreacher has been let in on the secret the moment I informed you. Since he's your house-elf and he's bound to you, the secret transfers over to him," Tom explained as they left the basement.
"Ah, that makes sense. And I'm assuming that applies to familiars as well? Because Hedwig never had any problem finding anyone hiding under a Fidelius in my previous life and I doubt anyone ever told her the location."
"Yes, it goes for all creatures bound to you." The second they entered the kitchen, Tom called for his house-elf. "Dobby, can you arrange some lunch for us? A light meal since we're having an elaborate feast this evening."
Dobby returned within minutes with steaming bowls of creamy mushroom soup with warm bread rolls and butter on the side. For dessert they had tea with a thick slice of walnut-raisin bread.
After lunch they returned to the basement where Tom spent hours instructing Harry on his footwork and position and more. And while Harry listened to Tom and did as he was told he realized that even though Tom had officially rejected him, things between them had changed for the better.
They had openly expressed their feelings for each other, more or less. Sure, it hadn't been a grand confession of eternal love or something silly like that, but they had confessed to the other being the most important person in the world to them.
And Tom had said they were inevitable and replaying those words in his head always gave Harry a warm rush somewhere in his chest.
All Harry had to do was be patient and give Tom the time he needed to sort out his own issues and Harry knew he could do that, would in fact do much more if that was what Tom asked of him. But all Tom had requested was time and patience and Harry vowed to give Tom as much of that as he needed.
Harry wanted Tom to be happy and whole and a functional human being. The way Harry felt about Tom meant that Tom's happiness was perhaps more important to Harry than most other things had ever been. And that was a novel experience, since Harry was sure he'd never felt like this about anyone else before.
It was almost funny how different his feelings for Tom were compared to what he'd once felt for Ginny.
In hindsight, Harry wasn't even sure anymore if whatever feelings he'd had for Ginny had even been directed at her personally, or if they'd been a manifestation of his own wistful desires for a family and a normal life. Sure, he'd liked Ginny well enough, thought she was quite pretty, admired her Quidditch skills, but at no point had he felt even an inkling for her as what he felt for Tom right now.
Tom invoked a bone-deep, no, a soul-deep longing in him while simultaneously offering him an equally deep conviction that he'd never be alone again, that he and Tom were connected in ways that truly went beyond life or death.
And the brief kiss they'd shared was enough to convince Harry that even though he had no experience with another man, he needn't worry about that in the slightest and that they'd work out those things between them in the future without any problems.
In fact, Harry rather looked forward to them working out those things in the future. Intimately.
"We'd best get back before long," Tom said as the afternoon came to an end and Harry was now thoroughly instructed in breathing and footwork and balance and reflexes and how to use his core muscles while casting. "Dinner at the Notts will be early so we'll have plenty of time to get dressed for the Malfoys' party."
"Sure," Harry said as he followed Tom out of the basement. Then he stopped and stared at Tom's back. "Wait, what party?"