A/N: Hi again! Early update because I think this is basically the last chapter's second half and because I'm eager to get the ball rolling for the next course of events that starts unfolding here:)

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:8

"Yeah, Penny. I'll be there then. Okay. I love you, and I'll see you Wednesday night."

"What are you going to do next? Add sprinkles to them or something?"

Soda stirred the mashed potatoes, drops of purple food coloring blending with them, as he replied to Pony. "Nah, Pone. They ain't cupcakes."

Pony took a closer look at Soda's face, able to make out slightly red eyes, as well as faded tear tracks on his cheeks. "Are you sad about something?"

"Um, yeah. I was. But I'm okay now."

"Is that why you were in your room with Steve when I got home? I promise I'm not asking to give you a hard time or anything."

"Yeah. That is why. Cause I was, uh, feelin' pretty anxious about some stuff."

"But you're all right now?"

"Sure, Pone. I'm right as rain. Would you set the table for us? Darry should be home any second now. I'm bettin' he'll be hungry too."

Pony reached for the set of plates that was in the cabinet to the right of the stove. "He's been working late even more than usual, hasn't he?"

"Happens a lot during the summer. Especially since they're slower in the winter."

Pony opened the silverware drawer, grabbing forks, spoons, and knives. "Yeah, and he's always eager for all the time he can get. Everything's okay on that front, right, Soda?"

"What front?"

"The money one."

"Oh. Yeah. As far as I know. I mean, we're both working and all. So I don't see why not."

"I just wondered cause I know there must still be medical bills and stuff. Especially with you seeing Dr. Morgan every week."

"Well, yeah, there's my hospital bills and the ones from Dr. Simons. But Dr. Morgan's different. She sees me on this sliding scale thing, and I pay what I owe when I go see her."

"Oh. Sliding scale? So it's like based on how much money you've got?"

"Yep. I think it'd cost a whole lot all the time if not for that. So I'm glad for it cause I'm not sure if I could keep going."

"And you need her."

"I do. Probably will for a long time too."

"Soda, are you anxious about the baby being born?"

"Um, yeah. I guess that's what it goes back to. But I don't really want-"

"Am I the reason you can't keep the baby?"

"Huh? What are you talkin' about?"

"Money. You're still helping Darry support me, so you can't afford a kid too."

"Well, yeah, that's true. But, like I told you already, Pone, it's not even what Penny wants right now. There ain't just one reason. Don't put that on yourself either cause it's not your fault or anything. You aren't the reason we can't afford a baby. It's just the way things are."

"Okay. Sorry if I brought it up again when you didn't want me to. That was just bothering me."

"It's fine, little brother. I want you to tell me when somethin' bothers you. I feel like there's a lot I can't do much about lately, so anytime I can, I sure want to fix it."

"Hey, Superman, how's roofin' been treating you today?"

Darry saw Steve on the front porch, as he climbed out of the truck he'd just parked in the driveway. "Is it okay if I tell you it treated me like shit this afternoon?"

Steve tossed his cigarette butt away, then sat down on the steps. "Sure. If that's what you want to say."

Darry joined Steve on the steps, letting out a heavy breath, as he did. "Damn. I'm beat. I think I'm going to ask Sodapop for a back rub in a little bit."

"You should. Him and Pony have been inside getting dinner ready."

Darry watched Steve for a moment, not missing the clues on his face. "All right, Randle. Spill it."

Steve chuckled, despite realizing what Darry must see. "Man, that sounds almost as weird coming from you as it did from Soda when he said it once."

"Yeah. I don't even know what I was trying to do there. I've only ever called you that when we were arm wrestling. Anyway, has something been going on?"

"Just me and Soda talking and getting all sappy again."

"So nothing serious I need to check in about?"

"Nah. Except you might want to remind him you're in his corner unconditionally."

"Been there before. He gets shaken pretty easily now, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. But I do too. Hey, um, I've never told you thanks, have I? I mean for getting Laura's number for me last summer."

"No. You haven't, but Soda did once on your behalf."

"I'm saying it now then. Thank you, Darry. I know you didn't only do it for me. It was for Soda too. But still. I literally might not have survived without Laura this past year. I really owe you one, Superman."

The front door opened, Pony's head poking out. "Hey, Dar. Meatloaf's ready. You coming inside?"

Darry turned toward his little brother, giving him a nod. "Yeah, Pone. I'm coming in a minute." He then shifted his gaze back to Steve, hearing the front door close. "No. You don't owe me for that. Soda might not have survived these past four months without you. So even if you had, that debt would be paid in full."

"Soda, would you pass me the ketchup?"

Soda stared out the window, not even hearing Pony's request.

Darry reached across the table for the ketchup bottle and handed it to Pony. "Hey, little buddy. You awake over there?"

Soda blinked, looking down at his half-eaten meatloaf. "Huh? Yeah, Dar. I'm awake."

Pony raised his eyebrows, as he ate a spoonful of the purple mashed potatoes. "But you're dreaming with your eyes wide open."

Soda picked up his fork and started eating again, eyes moving back to the window.

Darry followed Soda's gaze, seeing that Steve was still on the front porch. "He didn't want to eat with us?"

Soda turned his head to look at Darry. "He said he was going to head home." He tapped his fork on the plate, eyes shifting to the window once more, as his thoughts again went elsewhere. "But maybe we aren't quite done."

Pony watched Soda get up out of his chair, the scene a familiar one. "Done with what? Weren't you the one who was feeling anxious earlier?"

Soda took his plate and left it on the counter, then went to the door. "I'll be back to finish my food and help you clean up in a few minutes, Pone." Not waiting for a reply, he stepped out the door, joining Steve on the porch steps. "Hey. I've sure followed you outside a lot lately."

Steve's eyes remained focused on the sky, his mind a reel of prayers that he was continuously sending up. "Yeah. You have."

"I thought you were going home. You can still come eat if you want. There's plenty of purple mashed potatoes left."

"I didn't mean to scare you earlier."

"When did you scare me?"

"In the garage."

"Aw, is that what you've been out here thinkin' about? It's okay, Stevie. Hell, it's happened before, and I know I've startled you like that too. I've scared you even worse. But it ain't like we're tryin' to scare each other. It's just part of havin' bad memories."

"I know. But you just- the look you got in your eyes. It was like I could tell what you were seeing in your head, and I barely knew what to do."

"But you did the right thing by askin' if I was okay. You've never done anything that was wrong, as far as helpin' me when this stuff happens."

"Are you really all right now? Not about that in the garage, but what we were talking about in your room. I just feel like I've gotta ask."

"Yeah. I'm all right. It does a lot to hear things outloud before what's in my head can get, you know, worse in a scary way."

"I know it does, buddy. That's one reason I don't let it go if I can see you're needing something."

Soda waited a few moments, expecting Steve to get up from the step. When his best friend made no such move, only lapsing into silence, he touched his arm. "Steve, are you needing something now?"

Steve felt his internal reflections attempt to leave the confines of his mind, but he shook them off. "Uh, no, man. I'm- I'm fine. And I should get going. My dad might be wondering about me by now."

Soda noticed that Steve still hadn't made a move to get up, the stumbling answer enough confirmation on its own. "You wouldn't let me do that."

"Do what?"

"Give you an answer you know is bullshit. Tell me what you need. Let me be the one to switch gears and hear you out."

"I really should go."

"Yet you haven't moved, buddy. Just come back inside and eat with me. And call your dad if you need to. It ain't like he wouldn't guess where you are though."

"Yeah. He probably knows. Me and you spending day and night together's not exactly rare."

"So it's settled then." Soda gave Steve's shoulder a squeeze, then stood up, as his best friend did the same.

Steve followed behind Soda, a maddening hesitation making him pause in the doorway. But he's right, he thought. I need to let him hear me out. I need to give these thoughts a voice before-

"Come on, Stevie. I'm makin' you a plate. Yeah, Pone. I'll do the rest of the dishes."

Steve stepped into the kitchen, keenly aware of the pieces falling into place and landing him in a position he'd feared could transpire. But it's Soda, he thought. Maybe I should go home and do this with my dad because I don't want-

"Here you go, buddy. Complete with my purple mashed potatoes."

Yes, it's Soda, Steve thought, as he sat down in front of the plate his best friend had made for him. It's Soda, and that's exactly why I need to be here now.

"So you called Penny, and she said she'd call Sodapop?"

"Yes. I told her I'd like us all to meet Wednesday night."

"That's soon."

"It is, but I think we should do what we can as soon as possible."

"Hey, little buddy, would you give me a back rub here in a little bit?"

Soda stopped in Darry's doorway, as he was headed down the hall. "Sure, Dar. I will before you go to sleep." He then went to his own bedroom, finding Steve there, his back to him. "Hey, Stevie, now you're the one hidin' away in my room. I meant to tell you Penny called earlier, and we're meetin' over at Samuel's again on Wednesday night."

Steve sat at the foot of Soda's bed, feeling a shake in his body that he knew he would soon fail at hiding. "Oh. That's good, right?"

Soda sat down near the head of the bed, pulling socks off his feet that he then tossed into the pile of laundry next to his dresser. "Yeah. It is good. Cause the more I can do or hear, the calmer I'll be able to get. It's better if things don't have to feel so uncertain, you know? That makes me even more anxious."

"Yeah, man, I know what you mean." Steve heard the tremble in his own voice that had become thick with emotion. "It's a lot scarier when you don't know stuff."

Soda went to sit near Steve, seeing tears in his best friend's eyes for the second time that evening. "The door's closed for you now too, Stevie. It's just us. And I'm all ears. I can be all arms too if you need it."

"Soda, I don't- I don't want to scare you. But I also don't want you to think I'm not being open with you or taking my own advice. It's not fair if I tell you to be real with me, and then I don't do the same thing."

Soda drew Steve into his arms, letting him cry on his shoulder, as he spoke quietly into his ear. "It scares me for you to be cryin' when I don't know why. But it's not about bein' fair, okay? Whatever you've got to say, don't do it cause you think stuff has to be even. Just talk to me cause it's what you need to feel better. I know it must be too, or you wouldn't still be here."

Steve felt Soda start to rock him back and forth, lips then pressing to his temple in a kiss that mixed tender affection with tears of release.

"Shh. It's all right, Stevie. I'm here. As soon as you can talk, I'll listen."

"Soda, I got my dad to put my pills away."

"Why, buddy?"

"Cause I got afraid. The way I was sensitive about stuff, it made me think I could start having those thoughts again."

"Okay. I think it's real good you know how to watch out for yourself like that. It makes me so proud of you. Not just for realizing it, but for reachin' out to your dad too. It can really help you stay safe if you know when your head could start going that way."

Steve focused on the arms that remained around him, his own gripping his best friend tighter, as the touch created a haven of attachment.

"You know, I remember when you first told me you had the suicidal thoughts. Even then, before I got how bad it could be, I felt so desperate to help you. And not just to help you cope with that, but to make sure you knew I wasn't mad at you or anything for having them or for bein' scared to tell anybody at first. I remember how hard it was to talk about that kind of stuff, but it turned into us bein' able to share everything. I sure didn't know then how much that would mean."

"I'm having them again, Soda. My head has been going that way."

"When, buddy? You just told me right after your last session with Laura that you weren't havin' those thoughts."

"I didn't lie to you. I swear I-"

"I ain't sayin' you did. I'm just askin' what happened."

"I- I don't know. I gave my dad my pills on Saturday. And then, that night..."

"I'm sorry, Stevie. I'm sorry that's botherin' you again after everything you've been through already. What can I do?"

Steve rested his head on Soda's shoulder, grateful his best friend had yet to pull away. "This. Just...Keep holding me for a little while."

"Okay. I can do that. But please tell me more too. I know it hasn't been a real long time or anything, but you still don't need to keep those thoughts inside. Give it a voice, just like you've told me. Cause I don't want you to get overwhelmed with any feelings that could make you want to hurt yourself."

"It's not read bad. I mean, it's been worse. But it's hard not to get scared, even though I know it's part of recovering. I know it's normal to have ups and downs."

"It's all right to be scared about it, buddy. Don't use your own advice to downplay how you're feeling. Even if it's normal, having those kinds of thoughts means something about how you are right now."

"I think everything's just catching up with me, Soda."

"Yeah. Stuff sure has a way of doin' that. I ain't glad you're dealin' with this again, but I am glad you came to me. And that you did it so soon too."

Steve finally pulled away, though he kept a hold on Soda's arm. "I haven't even told my dad yet. I mean, I know I could have, but I felt like just keeping to myself on Saturday night. And it's not really been as if I feel too much like doing anything to act on it. They're these fleeting thoughts that don't settle into my mind."

Soda put his hand over Steve's, the urge to draw his best friend back into the embrace moving through his spirit. "So was it just Saturday night then? Was it cause of me talkin' about all that out on the porch?"

"No, man. I don't think so. And I had them yesterday too. After, you know, that with my dad and Audrey. It's like that's how my mind started to react. Probably cause I was thinking about Clara and stuff."

"What about now, Stevie? Just a few minutes ago, I found you sittin' here alone? If I'd come in any later, you would've been cryin' all by yourself too."

"I was mostly crying because it makes me feel sad to be having any suicidal thoughts at all. That and, like I said, I don't want to scare you. Cause you were already worried about me, and this time, I can't tell you I'm not thinking those things. The best I can do is make sure you know I'm trying to do what I'm supposed to to cope with it. I promise I am. I don't want to end up hurting myself again."

Soda squeezed Steve's hand, as he summoned up the courage to ask more questions. "What things are you thinking, buddy? I know you said these thoughts aren't settling into your mind, but I still want to give you a chance to talk about them, so they aren't just in your head with nowhere else to go."

Steve's gaze broke away from Soda's, his hand also slipping out of his best friend's grip. "Um, I guess it's just- they're thoughts about dying. Not about what I could do to myself. Just, you know, my mind telling me I could end it all if I wanted to."

Soda gave in to the urge this time, pulling Steve close once again. "You told me earlier that you'd love me through everything with the adoption happening. So I'm promisin' you now, with my whole heart, that I'll love you through this too. Maybe these thoughts you have will stop there, but if they don't, I'll be here to walk with you in the dark. I won't let you lose your light."

"Audrey, will you be my wife? No. I shouldn't put it like that. Audrey, will you do me the honor of-"

Steve knocked on Nicholas' bedroom door, hearing the rehearsed proposals. "I think 'Will you marry me?' would do just fine, Dad."

Nicholas looked away from the mirror, heat rising in his face. "Oh. Um, hi, Son. I didn't know you were here. I'm just...practicing."

Steve entered the room, joining Nicholas in front of the mirror, their reflections side-by-side images that refused to be separated. "Don't worry. I'm sure when you need to pop the question, you'll say it just right. And if not, Audrey will think you're real cute and say yes anyway."

"I'm hoping she does, and just so you know, I'm not planning to ask her yet. I haven't even gotten a ring."

"I'm not worried, Dad. I know you aren't going to do that without talking to me first. But, um, how soon do you think it'll be?"

"I want us to be together at least six months, and it's only been almost four now."

"Yet, you're rehearsing in front of a mirror?"

"So I like to be prepared." Nicholas took one last glance at his reflection, before moving away from the mirror and sitting down on the bed. "Were you just at Sodapop's all evening?"

"Um, yeah, I was." Steve started to push through his hesitation by sitting down near Nicholas. "But, now, there's kind of something I want to tell you about. I mean, it's nothing you haven't heard already. It's just that talking about some things will always be hard."

"I have to agree with that, Son. But it definitely helps if I've heard it before. What's on your mind?" Nicholas watched Steve avert his gaze, able to sense his unease. "You can talk to me, Steve. No matter what's on your mind, you can tell me about it."

Steve drew in a deep breath, his eyes shifting to meet Nicholas's gaze. "I- I know that, Dad. I really do. But, um, I think I don't want to talk about it right now anymore. I'm getting kind of tired. Sorry for bringing it up."

"Are you sure, Son?"

"Yeah. I think I'm just going to take a shower and go to bed."

Nicholas was about to speak when he felt Steve's arms wrap around him unexpectedly, not hesitating to return the embrace. "Okay. Can I ask you something first though?"

"Yeah, sure."

"What you thought you wanted to talk about, it's not anything to do with what happened yesterday, is it?"

"No. It's not about that. I'm okay about everything with you and Audrey."

"All right. That's really been on my mind, Son. Because I want you to always know my relationship with her won't ever take away from ours."

"I do know that, Dad." Steve kept his head on Nicholas' chest, simply holding on, as his thoughts circled back to the day before and his reactive panic. "I know I'll always have you."

Nicholas held his son, his internal curiosity piqued by Steve's earlier admission, though he chose not to push. His eyes wandered to the bedroom window, seeing the moon there, its one-quarter shape outlined by a glow that resembled a cross. Please watch over Steve, he prayed silently. Please, God, reach down and touch my son.

"It was no big deal, Dar. I think there are things I just need to hear sometimes."

Darry felt Soda's hands press into his back, kneading the muscles. "Okay, little buddy. Just checking. Steve did tell me it wasn't anything serious though. Which is because I asked, by the way. He was looking pretty emotional himself."

Soda moved his hands to Darry's shoulders, massaging them. "Yeah. We both were. I guess it's like I got insecure and needed help with it. It reminded me of that night we were sitting outside, and I asked you why you love me. I was kind of like that with Steve today cause it's the same sort of fear."

"It sure is somethin', isn't it, Pepsi Cola?"

"What is?"

"You talking to Steve about things like that. I wouldn't have expected it."

"Yeah. But he's got a heart of gold, Dar. And he's real good with letting me see it."

"He told me thank you for getting Laura's number for him last summer."

"Cause he's real thankful for her. I am too. I'd never have given counseling a chance if I couldn't see what a difference it's made for Steve."

"Well, then, that makes me thankful for Laura too. For your sake and for Steve's."

"I met her last week. I went there to wait for Steve to get finished, and he introduced us. I got to tell her thanks for telling Steve about Dr. Morgan and for helping him. I know she's heard enough to get how much it means for me. I feel like bein' connected and supported all around is what saved both our lives."

"No, I can't. I can't do that. I want to be here to help Soda."

The pseudo-sweet voice spoke in response to Steve's words. "Yes, you can do it. You should do it."

Steve looked at the pill bottle that was being shoved closer and closer to his face, the medicine he'd relied on for extra support now a threat that could be lethal. "No! I need to live! I want to live!"

The hands that had inflicted the original trauma opened the bottle, several pills pouring out. "No, you don't. You caused most of Soda's grief and pain anyway. He doesn't need you."

Steve felt the voice cast a lull over his senses, giving the ideation its moment of power. He surrendered, as the blue tablets were pushed into his mouth, his spirit then poised to make its final ascent.