3:20 AM
Her movement and sighs had woken him up. He stayed awake, watching her sleep. He tried to keep himself from holding her tighter, not wanting to wake her up when she needed her rest.
Human. She was a mortal being, unlike him; and yet, here in his arms she felt as unbreakable and unbelievable as his kind.
This was like a sick joke. Ironic could not even begin to describe these circumstances. For so long he had blamed his father for choosing to die over a mortal woman. He did not hold much, if any, contempt for Izayoi. She was human, something fleeting, how could she not have fallen for the mighty Dog General? But his father… he was supposed to be better than that.
Yet here he lay, Sesshoumaru, The Killing Perfection, current Inu-Daiyoukai, with his arms embracing the very thing he was supposed to despise...and enjoying it too.
His thoughts turned to Rin. He did not despise her, never had. Her boldness, curiosity, and generosity had won him over before he even realized it. But it was not the same. Was it? How did it differ really? Rin was human, she was also fleeting. His heart broke a little at that. He would give anything to save her, he had already proven that time and time again. Certainly he cared for her, loved her even, but still it was not the same.
He scowled. His thoughts made no sense anymore. The real issue was not his own feelings towards mortals, it was how his and Kagome's relationship would be viewed by the council, by his people. It really wasn't the same. See, even if he publicly claimed Rin as his daughter, made her an heiress, it would make no difference. Her lifespan would take care of that. Having human courtesans was viewed as acceptable too, though with ill taste. But to claim one as a partner, as a mate, it changed everything. It made you look weak, made you vulnerable to attacks. The most punishable offense though, was having a child with said human. If he, as a Daiyoukai, conceived a child with a mortal, their Hanyou child would have a rightful claim to his seat. This could result in war, a coup, and the division of their people. To invite a human to his world would be to invite famine and death to his pack.
He was strong, he knew that, but on his shoulders rested the lives of many, and as Daiyoukai, it was his responsibility to put their goodwill before his own. It was the reason he protected his lands, the reason he fought and trained. The reason he shed his innocence and became as cold as ice.
Could he really be considering throwing all of that away for a human, a miko at that?
Kagome turned her head in her sleep, her balled up fists relaxing against his chest. A smile tugged on her lips, her dreams obviously pleasing. He lightly ran his finger down her cheek, she turned into his touch and blissfully sighed out his name, 's..ss..ouma..ru..' His heart leapt.
Yes. He smiled sadly. He could throw his entire world into chaos for her.
But he wouldn't. Not while it meant putting Rin in danger and ultimately losing them both regardless. He had to be pragmatic.
His options were simple.
1. Keep her as his courtesan. Though he could not see her going for that option, and honestly it grated on his nerves to think of her in that position.
2. Enjoy the time he had left with her and then leave her be. His arms instinctively held her closer.
3. Maintain a secret relationship, which if discovered could lead to the potential doom of his people. He mentally scoffed, her melodramaticism was becoming contagious.
Sighing internally he loosened his hold again. It was still too early to wake her up, and there was no need to decide at this very moment. He shifted her weight, careful to keep them connected. The sudden movement caused her to groan but she did not wake. Readjusting her to better see her face he played with her silky, soft, almost inhuman, hair and counted the seconds till morning light, when he could once again get a taste of the sun.