Nicole's A/N: Actually, it looks like there are three more chapters after this - I miscounted in my previous note. A total of 43. Thanks for reading. :)

Chapter 40

The air between them feels lighter, Meredith thinks. For the first time in months, she can breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

She looks at Derek, and she doesn't feel a heavy fog between. He's changed. Or maybe she's the one who's changed. She doesn't feel like his eyes are hovering and judging her when they look at her. His eyes are dazzling again. She feels warm and gooey inside when they meet hers. It feels like everything is okay again.

Although, deep down, Meredith knows they're not okay. She knows, even though she and Derek have been doing well in recent weeks, they're still on thin ice. From past experiences, she knows they still have to work to make their relationship stronger. For the first time in weeks, she's optimistic that they can make it work. They just have to try hard to rebuild the bridge between them. It is possible, if they're both willing to work together.

Meredith watches Derek put on his jacket, thinking back to their morning spooning session. She likes falling asleep and waking up in his arms again. It's been nice.

Derek's eyes are sparkling in the light.

"Are Callie and Sofia picking up the kittens today?" he asks, looking at the calendar on the wall.

"Yeah, today's the day. Zola's worried that Sunny will miss her babies. Do cats miss their kittens?"

"No idea. You know, before Sunny Wyatt and her babies, I wasn't much of a cat person."

Same, Meredith thinks as Derek reaches for the door knob.

"Have a good day, I'll see you later," Meredith says, inhaling deeply before adding: "I love you."

His eyes twinkle. "I love you too, Mer." He doesn't lean in to kiss her like she yearns for him to do. There's still hesitance in his actions, and she doesn't know how to fix it.

Callie and Sofia arrive about an hour after Derek leaves. Meredith has managed to feed both of her children breakfast and scamper them into full outfits.

Meredith has an appointment with Dr. Wyatt, which she's actually looking forward to. She hopes Dr. Wyatt will be able to give her some ideas on how to salvage her relationship. She wants to plan something special for Derek, but she's clueless as to where to begin.

"Oh, Mommy, I can't wait to show Markie and Georgie all the new toys we got for them!" Sofia eagerly tells Callie as she picks up both of the boy kittens. Callie's brought along a carrier to transport them home.

"They're going to love them, I'm sure," Callie tells her daughter. "Now, let's get Markie and Georgie into the carriers."

"Aw, I wish I could hold them in the car."

"Honey, they need to be in carriers. What if they squirm out of your arms and get scared? Cats don't like car rides."

"Okay," Sofia relents, and places one kitten at a time in the carrier. Callie is quick to shut the door before they have a chance to escape.

"Well, thanks, Mer, for everything," Callie says.

"Yeah, no problem. Make sure to take lots of pictures and give us updates on how they're doing."

"Maybe they can have play dates with their sister?" Zola asks. "Isn't Lexie going to miss Markie and Georgie?" Zola had decided on naming the girl kitten that they were keeping Lexie, which broke Meredith's heart a little every time she heard Zola say the kitten's name. She couldn't argue with Zola, and it was fitting considering Sofia had named her kittens after Mark and George. Zola didn't remember Lexie, but she'd seen pictures of Lexie holding her when she was a baby and talked about her aunt often.

"Maybe," Meredith replies to her daughter, not sure if cats remember their siblings after they're separated.

"Bye!" Sofia waves as she and Callie left with their new family members.

"Okay, kids, we have to get going," Meredith says to her son and daughter.

"Aw, schucks, I don't want to leave Sunny and Lexie alone after they've just lost Markie and Georgie!" Zola pouts, rocking Lexie in her arms like a baby. Lately "Aw, schucks" has been a favorite line of Zola's in response to pretty much everything. Meredith has no idea where she's picked it up. Meredith is finally starting to understand what they mean when people say, "Kids are like sponges."

The kitten appears content. Sunny Wyatt and her kittens have the most gentle demeanor of any cats Meredith has ever been around. They would turn Meredith into a cat person if she didn't have to take mountains of allergies pills just to exist in the same house as them.

"They'll be okay, sweetie. They have each other. They won't be alone," Meredith says, grabbing Bailey's light jacket and helping him put it on. "Zola, put your jacket on."

"But I don't wanna. I'm not cold."

A cool fall breeze is brushing over Seattle, and the last thing she wants is for Zola to pick up a cold. "You'll be cold after you've been outside, Lovebug. Put on your coat. Bailey's wearing his."

Zola sighs, puts the kitten down, and follows Meredith's directions. Meredith is relieved as she isn't in the mood to put up a fight, and she doesn't want to be late to Dr. Wyatt's appointment. Her relationship might depend on it. Meredith never thought she would depend on Dr. Wyatt's sessions in that way, but here she is, relying on them.

There's something else on her mind today that she needs to discuss with Dr. Wyatt, and it's breaking her heart more than usual. It's the fact that this coming Monday would have been Eli's due date: September 21st. With the impending weekend upon them that should be when they're meeting their baby boy, Meredith feels a strong urge to do something. She needs to do something to take her mind off the facts of the date upon them, or she'll lose her mind.

"How are you, Meredith?"

Dr. Wyatt begins every session with the same question, and Meredith has learned not to hate it. It allows her to really evaluate how she is.

"I'm doing pretty well, I think," Meredith replies, "Derek and I are … we're doing better."

"I'm glad to hear that!" Dr. Wyatt replies. "And the kittens?"

Dr. Wyatt also has always made a point to ask about the kittens.

"Sofia and Callie picked up their kittens today," Meredith says.

"So that just leaves Sunny and … I don't think you told me the other kitten's name?"

"Lexie," Meredith says. "Yeah, Sunny Wyatt and Lexie are all that's left. Zola's worried they'll miss the other two kittens, but I don't know if cats miss each other. I'm not an expert on feline behavior at all." It's then that she realizes she let Sunny's second name slip. It's the first time she's let it slip in front of Sunny's namesake.

Dr. Wyatt laughs. "I'm not, either, but I've had a few cats over my lifetime, and I think it's pretty normal to separate them once they reach a certain age. Cats don't rely on their parents like human kids. Plus, their lives are much shorter, so they mature much quicker." She pauses a moment. "Did you say Sunny Wyatt?"

"Yeah," Meredith says. "That's her full name … it's kind of embarrassing, but when I first met her, I called her Dr. Wyatt. She was a therapist for me in those early days." Meredith's throat tightens. "At Eli's grave. That's where she would hang out. Little did I know, Derek was seeing her too, only he was calling her Sunny. Now that I think about it, Sunny is a more appropriate name for her … but the kids call her Sunny Wyatt."

Dr. Wyatt laughs. "Well, it's nice to know there's a cat named after me."

"Mmm." Meredith's cheeks burn.

"So, what else is new? You said you and Derek were doing better."

"Yeah, we are. The air feels lighter between us. I don't feel like he's hovering as much, and we haven't argued in a while now. I just … you know, Monday is September 21st."

"What's September 21st?"

Meredith swallows thickly. "It's … Eli's due date," Meredith reveals, realizing it's the first time she's said it out loud. She and Derek haven't discussed the impending date. She doesn't even know if Derek realizes the date is coming up.

"Ah," Dr. Wyatt says.

"I just, you know, feel we need a distraction, so we're not so focused on the date. I feel like I'm losing my mind trying to think of ways to make us whole and happy again. I just, I don't know … I don't know what to do," Meredith says, her eyes welling up with tears.

"I have a feeling you'll figure it out. You always do. Think outside the box. What's something you and Derek have never done together that would be fun? Something you could involve Zola and Bailey in, perhaps? I know you and Derek are dedicated to the job. You've mentioned 'surgery dates.' It sounds to me like you don't spend enough time doing ordinary family activities."

"We went bowling a couple weeks ago with the kids," Meredith says, not sure if she'd told Dr. Wyatt about their bowling outing in her earlier sessions. She knows Dr. Wyatt is right: Her and Derek's relationship was founded in the OR, then it collapsed in the OR back when she messed with his Alzheimer's trial and it seems like they've been struggling to find common ground since then. It wasn't just the loss of Eli; they were shaky before she even found out she was pregnant with Eli. Her insides turn as she thinks about how disappointed she was to find out she was pregnant when her relationship was an unheaveled mess. Little did she know, Eli would fix them and then break them all over again. They need to learn to be together, whole and completely, without temporary band-aids.

"What's another activity like bowling you guys could do as a family?"

"Before Derek met me, he was an outdoorsy person. Camping, fishing, all that stuff. I've never been a fan of mosquitoes and sunburns, so we've never really done it together. He's gone on some trips with some of the guys around the hospital, but never just us. He's talked about taking the kids, but they were so little… now they're getting old enough to where maybe they could enjoy it. Zola, especially," Meredith rambles.

"Well, there you go," Dr. Wyatt says with a grin.

"I just don't know what we'd do with Sunny and Lexie. They need to be fed twice a day. I'd say they could go too, but I'd be worried about them getting lost in the wilderness in an unfamiliar territory."

"This might be inappropriate, but I could watch them," Dr. Wyatt offers, surprising Meredith. "I could stop by before and after work. I actually live on Bainbridge Island, too." This is new information to Meredith. She's been seeing Dr. Wyatt for years, on and off, and she had no clue they lived on the same island.

"We'd probably only be gone Saturday through Monday, if we can even get Monday off at this short notice. I'll have to see if Dr. Bailey can cover for me, and Derek will need to check with Amelia."

"I don't see patients on Saturday or Sunday, so that'd be fine."

"You wouldn't have to stop by Monday night, since we'd surely be home by then. I'll check with Derek and get back to you. I can't thank you enough for the offer."

"A camping trip?" Derek stares at his wife, mesmerized by the words he's just heard come out of her mouth. His wife hates the outdoors. He, in a million years, never would have projected her to suggest a camping trip.

"Yeah, it might be fun. You, me, the kids, and the wilderness."

"What about the cats?" Derek asks. On the days they've come home late, those cats are savages. They could leave them outside to fend for themselves for a couple days, but Lexie hasn't been outside since she was a few days old. Sunny has grown accustomed to the indoor life, too. She doesn't even try to get out when they open the door like he's heard some cats do. She's content to lie in the windowsill and watch the wildlife from afar.

"Already covered," Meredith says, surprising him again. "Can you ask Amelia if she'll cover for you? Dr. Bailey already agreed to cover for me. She thinks a little wilderness might be good for us after all we've been through this year."

His heart swells, and he realizes how dazzling his wife looks when she's talking about spending time in the wilderness with their family. He leans forward and steals a kiss from her lips. She smiles.

"Is that a yes?"

"Mmm. I'd love to spend some time in the wilderness with my wife and kids. I think Dr. Bailey is right, and don't worry about Amelia. She's been pushing me to get out of her corner. I'm sure she'll be happy to have all my patients for a few days, since she's already taken over some of my long-term cases due to me being in D.C., then off. Honestly, I feel useless on some days, because some of my patients actually prefer her. Can you believe that?"

"Well, surely the young, single ladies prefer you," Meredith teases, trying to lift his spirits.

"Until they find out I'm married," Derek says. He looks at his ring finger, recalling the number of times it's been pointed out that he doesn't wear a ring. He and Meredith agreed to no rings at the beginning of their relationship. They have rings, tucked safely away in a jewelry box at home. As surgeons, it's not safe to wear jewelry in the OR, and rather than risking losing them in between surgeries, it's easier just not to wear them. Some doctors wear them around their necks, but he always thought that was weird. If Meredith knew how many women had told him he should, she might reconsider. It wasn't a topic he wanted to bridge right this moment when he and Meredith were on the mend. Maybe someday.

"Actually," he says, "it's the old widows who are happiest to see me."

"Mmm, any of them wealthy?" She has a teasing grin on her face. His heart feels like it's about to burst with joy. He adores being teased by his wife again.

"Maybe, but none of them are you." He kisses her forehead. "I can't wait for our camping trip. I'll have to dust off my old gear in the shed."

"Do you think we'll need anything?"

"I think I have everything. We'll need to buy firewood, but I have a couple tents. I think the kids are still too little to have their own, so I'll have to make sure I grab the bigger of the two. One barely fits me, so we'd be rather snug if I accidentally grabbed that one. Do you have a sleeping bag? I'm not sure I've ever seen one."

"I have an old one from when I backpacked through Europe," Meredith says. "I haven't seen it in years, though. I might just buy a new one. We could stop by the store on our way home and pick up supplies."

"You might also want extra bug spray and sunscreen," Derek suggests, stroking his wife's fair skin. He's never seen her with a bad sunburn, but he has a feeling she would burn easily. "Maybe a sun hat? Don't forget your sunglasses."

"You really think there's going to be a bright, sunny day?" Meredith laughs. "It is Seattle."

"True, but you never know," Derek says. He'd grown up camping with his dad in Upstate New York, and the summers were hot. Falls were often Indian summers. No amount of sun gear was enough. "I'll talk to Amelia, and plan to meet you at the daycare at three o'clock. We should try to get our campsite set-up before sunset, which will be around seven today."

"Wait, we haven't even discussed where we are going," Meredith says.

Damnit, he thinks, worrying his lack of communication might trigger her. "There's a beautiful campsite on Bainbridge Island I came across when I first moved here. It's one reason I bought the land, in hopes I could visit it in the future often. Then, well, … "

"You met me, and I hated the outdoors," Meredith says. She's not snippy. She actually sounds disappointed … in herself?

"Well, not only that, but I took on more responsibility here than I ever had in New York. I thought I was busy there, but having your own practice allows for a lot more flexibility than running a Neuro department at a major city hospital. I had no idea what I was getting into when I moved to Seattle and accepted the position. It's not all your fault."

"Mmm, then presidential appointments," she says.

"Which were short-lived."

She bats her eyes away from him again, and his heart breaks to see her still blaming herself for everything that's happened this year. He aches to reach out his arms and hold her.

"I'm really excited for our camping trip," Derek says. "I'll see you at three."

Three o'clock doesn't come soon enough. Derek catches himself watching the clock every minute available. Luckily, he has no surgeries planned, but several follow-up patients to meet with. Some are Amelia's. She was pulled into an emergency surgery after he talked to her, so he agreed to take some of her follow-up cases in exchange for her covering for the weekend. It was her way of exercising some control over him, and he was fine to let her think she had that control. If it kept the peace between them at work, then so be it.

It's been no cakewalk to step aside and allow his baby sister to run his department, but in the end, for his sake and Meredith's, he knows it's for the best. His time to shine has passed, for now. As time goes on, he believes he'll find his road to fulfillment and success. Deep down, he's always been an optimist.

Right now, his heart tells him his role is father and husband, and he needs to set everything else aside to be the best damn father and husband he can be. He owes it to his own father, who never got to see his kids graduate high school, college, and become the doctors they are today. If he's learned anything from losing his father young, it's life is short, and he has to make every moment count.

He arrives at the hospital daycare at five minutes after three, his last patient taking a couple minutes longer than expected. He was quick to change into jeans and a polo. Meredith is already helping Zola with her backpack when he joins them.

Bailey toddles over to him. "Daddy!" he exclaims and extends his arms for Derek to pick him up. Derek smiles, amazement in his son fulfilling him in that moment. In just the last month or so, Bailey has progressed tremendously. He's using the potty again and talking more.

Bailey's teacher stands behind him. She's holding a piece of paper. "Look what Bailey drew today, I thought you'd want to see it," she says. Derek studies it, and it takes him a moment to recognize the drawing as a face. A big circle with lines, two big scribbles on the inside, and a curved line in the shape of a mouth.

"Wow, a face, I'm very proud of you, Bails."

"Daddy!" Bailey says.

"Daddy, it's you," Zola explains eagerly. "Bailey drew you, Daddy!"

Bailey giggles, bobbing his head.

Derek recognizes his blue eyes and more brown squiggles at the top of the page: his hair. He smiles, even prouder now. He squeezes his son warmly. "I love you, Bailey."

"Wuv you, Daddy!" Bailey exclaims.

"Bailey has been doing amazing the last few weeks. I'm impressed with the progress he's making," the teacher says.

"We are, too," Meredith says. "We've been working with him as much as possible at home."

"I have to say. Out of all the kids in his class, Bailey has exhibited the most growth this year. I'm happy for him," the teacher reveals.

Derek can't be prouder of his son.

"He's an amazing kid," Meredith says, blushing like a proud mom.

"He is," Derek agrees, turning to Zola and then Bailey in his arms. "Come on, kids. Mommy and I have a surprise for you," he says.

"A surprise? Ooooh, what is it?" Zola's eyes widen.

"Well," Meredith says, locking eyes with Derek. "It's a surprise. We'll tell you in the car."

Zola's mouth drops. "Okay!" She's skipping toward the door. Derek studies his daughter's legs, realizing how long they're getting. He can't believe his daughter will be five in just a few short months. Where has the time gone? Soon, she'll be heading off to kindergarten.

Both children are growing like weeds. Derek sometimes wishes he could freeze their growth spurts. He hopes the camping trip will be a chance to savor this time in their lives. It'll be something they can talk about with them when they're older. He's taking it all in with grace.

They buy another sleeping bag that Zola and Bailey will both fit into as well as all the supplies for s'mores, hot dogs, and bread and fruit to make Derek's favorite campfire dessert: fruit pies. For breakfast, they buy eggs, bacon, and fresh blueberries.

Zola chatters throughout the whole store trip. "I'm going to be like Dora the Explorer!" were her first words when they told her they were going camping. "Can I bring my school backpack?"

Derek's proud of his daughter, already planning at four. "Of course," Derek says. "In fact, I'll buy you a backpack just for camping." That makes her even more excited, to have a special backpack just like Dora.

"What about a map? I'm going to need a map," Zola insists.

"We can use our phones," Meredith says.

"No, Mommy, phones don't work in the will-oh-ness" Zola retorts. Derek's eyes grow wide. How on earth had his daughter gotten so smart? Most kids in today's world would think like Meredith, that a phone would suffice in the wilderness.

"Who taught you that, Zozo?" Derek asks.

"I dunno," Zola says, which disappoints Derek slightly. "I dreamed it, maybe." More recently, Zola has been explaining her way of knowing things as coming from dreams. He knows it's good she's picking up information like a sponge, and it's clearly coming from somewhere: television, teachers, classmates. She is at an age where she's learning so much, so quickly, and she doesn't know where it's all coming from. He's just happy she's learning.

At home, Derek digs through the old shed, finding much of his camping gear untouched. He hasn't camped since they brought Zola home. It's crazy to think it's been over four years since he's been out in nature. He's excited to show his kids his happy place, outside of the operating room.

After the car is loaded with everything he thinks they'll need for the weekend: the large tent, the cooler filled with food and water, backpacks with changes of clothes, and toys for the kids: a Frisby, a deflated beach ball, bubbles, and Bailey and Zola each chose one toy. Zola chose her favorite doll, and Bailey picked the stuffed bear he's started sleeping with every night.

Off to the wilderness they go.

Irene's A/N: Meredith, Derek, 2 kids and the wilderness: what can go wrong? *snickers*

All jokes aside, it was fun to plan this camping trip, so I hope you're as excited as we are to share it with you all! Thank you for reading!