A/N: HIIIII. Im sorry about the update. I'm from Barbados and I'm also a college student so the ash and being high risk as ab asthmatic and then dealing with school that refuses to FUCKING CLOSE and such I've had little to no free time. Sorry. Also this chapter is a bit poorly written but I hope you like it. thank you for sticking around!

IFR:2 unknown people in the forest and a marriage on the rocks.

Iruka sat quietly on the bed...alone...again.

Kakashi said he had urgent work to tend to and dashed out of the house the moment the sun began to peak through the curtains.

The small beta had a fairly decent guess as to why and merely prayed that Naruto was okay.

That was all he could do now after all...because it wasn't his mission anymore.

The sudden feeling of pain began to surge back into the male's chest as he tried to sit up from the empty bed, adding to the pain in his lower back, ass and neck.

It was same pain he felt in his chest when he stood before the Head Councilman yesterday.

An old family friend...and his boss.

He had stilled his beating heart and gathered all his bravery the best he could with some silly child-like resolve of protecting all that he loved...and it all crumbled when he stood before him. All he could do was listen and answer and suffer in silence. There was no room to interject or speak up or persuade.

In some sense he begged but otherwise, the responses that followed were out of pity only. It was rather understandable.

Iruka had failed.

He failed to protect his husband, failed to carry out his mission and failed to protect his son...

The Head's...son

The resemblance was always so startling to Iruka.

The striking blonde hair and deep blue eyes with the whisker like birthmark you would have thought the baby fox got from his mother but...

He got it from his dad.

'His real...dad.'

Despite all that they had in common there was one notable difference that Iruka was always reminded off when he stood before the man. It wasn't always there after all.

Minato Uzumaki, once bright and hopeful for unity and peace and all fairytale endings and rainbows, grew cold and bitter after the passing of his wife.

The last name; a sour reminder of a once bliss past.

Empty of love...it was like he was a hallow shell to which you would easily the cracks that would make it all crumble to dust.

The weak points.

All that was left of the man before.

'Naruto...'

The conversation had left him anxious. It was the worst he had ever experienced in his life. Even recalling it, weakened his legs. He couldn't stand from the bed...and a part of him hoped it was only the rough sex from last night that caused it.

Devoid of the usual devotion and compassion it once had...but he knew better.

That wasn't it.

The anger of a father doing all he must no matter how much it hurt...to protect the son that didn't even know he was alive.

The son that used to cry about being unwanted.

The son that longed for a home that no matter how hard Iruka tried...he couldn't fully give...because he always knew the truth.

This boy was so loved it hurt...

and Iruka failed to keep the precious child safe.

The child he came to love so much that he deluded himself to believe the boy was his own.

Yesterday he remembered the truth.

That this...was all just a mission.

Iruka looked around the bedroom, letting the cold tears and warmth of the sun through the curtain bathe his face.

'This...is not a home. There is no home for me anymore.'

The dominating voice from yesterday still rings in his mind crystal clear. The conversation so loud and hard to forget.

The pain in his chest growing.

"You already know what I plan to say...don't you Scar?"

'He's angry...he never calls me by my alias...but he has every right to be pissed.'

There was a bottle of whiskey on the table opened and a half full glass that Iruka remembered clearly. Minato was just as on edge as he was. He could only sit in an office and call out orders. No one was to know of his affiliation with Naruto and the public was not to know of Naruto's sex.

One wrong move could put the child in complete danger. More than he was already in.

The frustration of sitting and waiting while trying to carry a whole species on your shoulders must be difficult.

His son was missing and alone with a bunch of Alphas the Council already had poor relations with.

'His...son'

"I do sir..."

Iruka remembered well the unnerving silence that followed as the human continued to back him, staring at practically nothing. The curtains were drawn.

"Well?"

'My throat's dry'

"We were able to determine the location of the hideout to a private forest owned by the Uchiha Clan. We have reason to believe he is safe and being taken care of."

"Of course...They wouldn't dare hurt him given all they could get out of him...but that's not what I'm asking you...Scar."

'Tapping fingers...irritation'

"We...have reason to believe Tsunade is up to some trouble. Toad is keeping watch over her as we speak. Tech has noticed a sudden transfer of cash from a private account she owns to an unknown individual...He informed me this morning. We will keep watch of her and find out what she's up to...sir."

Iruka remembers observing the reaction that followed and feeling a slight tremble as the tall male turned in his seat to look him square in his eyes...a face painted in wrinkles and anger. Just one of the signs of how the male was feeling.

"Is that all?"

Iruka remembered how dry his throat was well...it was getting hard to speak...he tried his best.

'There's no way he could possibly know...right?'

"We are awaiting on your orders having collected the adequate information for-"

"That won't be necessary," Minato interjected.

Pain started to swell in my chest at that very moment...

No.

The pain was always there...it just hurts more now.

"S...sir?"

"I said that won't be necessary. Return to your post until further contact for your next mission."

The pain got worst.

"Next Mission?...I'm off the mission? I..If I may ask-"

"You may not. Return to your post."

'Oh god...Naruto. What about my calf?'

"Sir...please..."

"Right...you've been his caretaker for years. The worry is all over your face...and the fear."

'It...is?'

"You're getting too comfortable and rusty Iruka. I can't have a weak man protecting my son."

"W...what will be done?"

'Will Naruto be okay? You're his real...family. You'd save him...right?'

"I'm sending in Red."

"Red?! BUT SI-"

"That is all I will say. I suggest you take the day off from your cover job. You look a mess. I'm not mad at you...but I can't afford to lose more people in my life."

'Minato...'

"You've done me a great service...now go rest. I'll take it from here. We all knew it was bound to happen."

"Y...yes sir."

"Oh and Iruka..."

"Yes sir?"

"Your devotion to your husband is cute...but it should never come before your duty. I'll let it slide...this once."

'He knew...'

Iruka looked at his phone, the time nearing mid day and sighed.

'Of course he did...what was I thinking?'

The beta was tired. Tired and anxious.

He could only sit and wait quietly like ordered. Trapped in his own thoughts.

There was no peace to return to anymore when he felt like this.

'There is no home for me anymore.'

He was stuck alone like he was back then. Trapped in his own mental prison with no one to rely on or turn to. Constantly reassuring himself and telling himself it would be fine but at some point he'd come to distrust his own words.

'There is no home for me anymore'

He could not fold into the warmth of his lover any longer.

'There is no home for me anymore'

He couldn't see the child he considered his son.

'There is no home for me anymore.'

He had no family to call his own. Everything he built to feel better about himself was...gone.

'I am alone.'

He looked like shit in the mirror. His eyes were sunken and the redness on his skin from last night's venture painted his body.

The Head was right...

He was a mess and unfit to protect Naruto...he was unfit to do anything. Why did it take so long...to realize how fragile he was...and how alone he always felt?

'I was always happy. Sure it had it's ups and downs but...I was happy?'

"What are you doing?"

Iruka missed the sound of a car pulling up in the driveway and his husband walking through the house.

He didn't notice the fact that he had gotten up and showered.

He missed the fact that in this very moment he was fully dressed and packing a bag messily on the floor of the bedroom.

He didn't notice that for so long he felt trapped and alone and he searched outward for happiness instead of confronting his worries and fear. He just forgot them under the false pretense that family was enough to quill his looming fear of death and isolation that he had developed in years of service and training. He hoped that if he made a family and built a loving home, he would be at peace...even if it was a temporary. That he was fulfilled when he always felt the deep anxiety that nothing he called his own was his...because it was all fake...a cover up. A lie.

Kakashi didn't love him.

He didn't know just how miserable Iruka was.

Iruka showed him the good of the bad in hopes the bad would fade away.

Kakashi loved the good.

...and even then Iruka always felt insecurity about their relationship.

Everyday...he lied to Naruto under the bullshit that it was for the best when the boy experienced bullying and more and struggled to fit in, concluding that he was nothing and a nobody.

...and yet he dared to say he loved the boy.

'It hurts...this pain.'

"You're back rather quickly." He managed to choke out with a smile.

"I forgot some...thing. Why are you packing, Iruka? Have you...been crying?"

Iruka chuckled a bit. Kakashi sounded so concerned just now and yet Iruka's eyes were more focused on the small bottle the male had in hand.

'The pills...'

"Is Naruto okay?"

Silence

'Wow...how satisfying...'

Iruka thought as he watched the flashes of emotions that ran across Kakashi's face for a second.

He was tired of pretending he was fine. He kind of wanted Kakashi to feel as miserable as he always felt, as anxious as he always felt and as tired as he always felt.

But he could never do that to the man he loved.

He just wanted someone to tell him it was fine and normal; that he was going the right direction toward happiness...but that person was not here.

There is no such person.

It was one hundred things at once that made Iruka feel on edge.

He didn't know where to start. He knew Kakashi wasn't to blame but it would be so much simpler and so easy to pin his misery on the man so he could be at piece. He was wrong for that that thought alone

A clear sign that he was the problem.

A thousand thoughts but only one that echoed in his mind.

'I'm not stable enough for this relationship. It wasn't fair to Kakashi. I shouldn't have started this.'

The thought that followed he accidentally found himself saying out loud.

But he couldn't stop it from leaving his lips.

It was like a sick revaluation and a perfect solution in one.

An End

"Kakashi...I think we should take a break. I need some space for myself."

'Ah...the pain in my chest stopped...this feels nice.'