A/N:

I have a class starting in 15 minutes but I wanted to quickly give you this :)

Slight warning, if the name of this chapter is a trigger for you, this chapter might be difficult for you to read. With that, I mean stress as in anxiety!

Title: Love is Strange

Author: MarieCarro

Beta: Alice's White Rabbit

Pre-reader: LunaEclipse

Genre: Friendship/Romance/Drama

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Bella Swan and Edward Cullen live in the small town of Ligonier in Pennsylvania. They've been best friends since they were six years old, and not much can keep them apart. Bella wants to leave small-town life behind, while Edward is fine with whatever, but that's not the only complication in their relationship. What happens when they fall in love … with each other?

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER 40

STRESS

"Preeclampsia?" Bella repeated in horror after Dr. Graham gave her the news. Edward moved closer to her to offer any comfort he could, but she was too scared to take notice. "But doesn't that mean you have to induce labor? What will that mean for our baby? I'm only twenty-eight weeks along."

"With severe preeclampsia, or HELLP syndrome, yes, I would have wanted to induce labor," Dr. Graham confirmed. "However, your test results aren't the worst, and with some treatment, we might be able to reduce your symptoms enough to allow your baby a couple more weeks to develop."

Bella and Edward exchanged worried looks before turning back to the doctor.

"Is that safe?" Edward asked. "Isn't waiting incredibly dangerous for both Bella and the baby?"

"It can be. I'm not going to lie to you. In a worst case scenario, it can be fatal for both mother and child, and the risk is highest in between twenty and twenty-eight weeks, which is why we need to take this very seriously."

Bella crumbled apart and was unable to speak. All she could do was look at Edward and plead with her eyes for him to take over the conversation. She couldn't put into words how utterly devastated she was feeling in that moment, and she needed to just process everything in silence.

"What are our options?" Edward asked and started stroking Bella's back to keep her attention in the room lest she went into a panic attack.

"At this stage, your baby's lungs and brain aren't fully mature, and if we were to deliver her now, she would have to spend months in the NICU. Her chances of survival would be eighty to ninety percent, and any long-term health issues would be at ten percent. However, she'd be at greater risk for cerebral palsy, impaired cognitive functions, and behavioral issues, just to mention a few."

As scary as it all sounded, both Bella and Edward appreciated that Dr. Graham gave it to them straight and truthfully without any sugar coating.

"And if we wait?" Edward asked.

"Even just two weeks would make a great difference. She'd still have to stay in the NICU for quite some time, but her vital organs would be better developed at that point."

Bella inhaled sharply through her nose in an attempt to collect herself. "And how would we go about that then? If we choose to wait?"

Dr. Graham handed her a short list of possible medications. "Antihypertensive medications are designed to lower your blood pressure. I'd recommend bed rest; even though research hasn't shown any clear benefits, I still believe it can't hurt to be cautious. The most important thing is no stress, under any circumstances whatsoever. Also, while your blood pressure isn't alarmingly high right now, I would recommend magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures." He paused for a moment to give them room to process. "I know this is a lot to take in, and it's a big decision to make. If you choose to wait with the delivery, you can either go home and we'll set up regular checkups to monitor everything, or I can admit you to the hospital and you can have round-the-clock care. It's up to you. I'll give you some time to think about it."

He left the room, and Bella melted into Edward's arms.

"Why is this happening?" she whispered into his neck. She hated that the pregnancy had made her such a crier, but at that moment, letting her tears fall felt like the only appropriate response. "Haven't we been through enough?" Her questions were hypothetical, so Edward only responded by tightening his arms around her.

When they eventually parted, Bella looked at Edward with despair, and he reached out to wipe the remnants of her tears away.

"I'll support you no matter what you decide, my love," he said, and she started to shake her head in protest. "No, no, no," he said to stop her. "You know I can't make this decision for you. It's your body and your life at risk."

"It's not just me, Edward. She's your daughter, too. I can't choose between myself and her," she said. Her tone was distraught and desperate.

"Then don't see it that way," Edward tried. "You heard Dr. Graham. If we choose to deliver now, her chances of survival are almost at a hundred percent."

"But how would I be able to look at myself in the mirror if she develops health issues, knowing I could have prevented it?" she asked and covered her face with her hands.

"Then we wait." Edward grabbed her hands and removed them so he could see her eyes. "We'll wait for as long as it's safe for you, okay?"

She swallowed thickly and nodded.

To minimize the risk of complications even further, they both agreed it would be safer for Bella to remain in the hospital, and so, they started calling around to all their friends and family to tell them the news.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I know I said I'd take on the photoshoot for that lifestyle article, but I can't."

"Don't you dare apologize for that! Your health, and the health of your baby, is much more important to me. I can find another photographer, so don't worry about it."

"Thank you."

"Yes, Dad," Edward said next to her. "Bella and I agreed she'd stay in the hospital. It'll be safer for her and the baby." He paused as Carlisle said something, and then sighed. "No, we haven't decided on a name yet."

Bella smiled and shook her head in amused annoyance. All three of the parents had been on their asses for weeks about baby names, but it wasn't easy to settle on one name. There were thousands upon thousands of combinations out there, and they had scrolled through baby-name sites until their vision blurred.

"Why is a name so goddamn important?" Edward mumbled when he'd finished the call. "They have a granddaughter on the way. Can't they be happy with that for now?"

"You know they're ecstatic about it," Bella said while composing a text to Emmett and Rosalie. Since Dean's birth, they had requested texts instead of calls to ensure nothing would wake the baby in case they just got him to fall asleep. "But knowing your mom and dad, and my dad, they're probably having some custom-made thing, and they need her name in order to finish it."

Edward thought about it before nodding. "Yeah, you're probably right." He shifted in his seat to face her. "So do you have any more ideas?"

"I wish." She gently caressed her round belly. "I was looking for names last night, and don't ask me how, but suddenly, I was down a Marilyn Monroe rabbit hole. Did you know she was notorious for being late to work?"

"I did not," Edward said, humoring her with a smile.

Bella grimaced. "Sorry. I know that's not very interesting."

He shook his head. "Don't ever apologize for sharing something with me. No matter how inconsequential, you can always talk to me about it. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know." She sighed at herself. "I honestly don't know why I do that. You've never even indicated you get bored with me."

Edward grabbed her hand, kissed the back of it, and started stroking her arm. "Don't worry about it. I'll always be here to remind you."

~~LiS~~

Bella was dreaming, and it wasn't a pleasant dream.

Alice was there, running next to the stretcher Bella was on as the lights on the ceiling zoomed past them. Suddenly, Edward was there next to Alice, who grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"Edward, you won't believe what's happening. Bella's in labor."

"What?" he asked, and his expression twisted with confusion and disbelief. "Alice, that's insane. Bella's not pregnant."

"Why are you saying that, Edward?" Bella asked and tried to reach for him. "You've known from the start."

"Yes, she is," Alice said, completely ignoring Bella on the stretcher. "I saw the sonogram myself. But it's too early, and there might be complications."

"How?" Edward asked, also acting as if Bella couldn't hear them.

"What do you mean 'how'?" Bella yelled as her frustration grew. "You're the son of a freaking surgeon! You know where babies come from!" She reached down to touch her belly, expecting it to be round, but it was flat as if there was no baby.

Her hands started shaking.

A nurse popped up out of thin air and stopped Edward from entering the room Bella was being wheeled into. "I'm sorry, sir. You can't come in here."

"But that's my girlfriend!" Edward yelled, his tone panicked.

For a moment, Bella couldn't see him anywhere. A flurry of doctors and nurses fluttered around her bed, propping her legs up and examining her, but no one spoke directly to her.

"Edward?" He appeared next to her and finally looked her in the eyes, but she shocked herself with her next words because they weren't the ones in her mind. "Why are they saying I'm pregnant? I'm not. You know I'm not."

"I don't know what to believe anymore," he said.

"What do you mean?"

An unknown doctor was sitting on a small stool between Bella's legs and spoke to a nurse. "She's only three centimeters dilated, but the bleeding concerns me. How far along did you say she was?"

"Thirty weeks."

"The baby can't be delivered vaginally. It's too fragile. We'll have to perform a cesarean." He turned to another nurse. "Prepare an OR for me quickly. This baby needs to be delivered now."

With a jolt, Bella woke up and looked around the room in a panic, her breathing close to hyperventilating.

"Hey, baby, it's okay. It was just a dream. Just a dream," Edward comforted and put his arms around her. "Take deep breaths. C'mon, breathe with me, baby."

She did her best to follow his instructions, but spots were dancing in front of her eyes. "Talk about something," she puffed out. "Anything."

"Okay … eeeh, to constitute criminal behavior, the actus reus and the mens rea must occur simultaneously. Therefore, if John Doe shoots John Roe with the intent to kill but misses completely, he still wouldn't be guilty of murder if Doe later accidentally ran over Roe and it resulted in Roe's death."

The unexpected criminal law trivia helped, and Bella's head cleared up. "I barely understood what you just said, but it also makes sense," she said, and then let out a long, drawn-out breath.

"Better?"

She nodded. "Yeah. That was a really freaky dream."

"You want to tell me about it?"

She did, and Edward sat silently as he listened. "It was so weird. Everything just happened around me. I had no control, and it was as if I were two different people. Logically, I knew nothing made sense and that it was probably a dream, but it still felt real in the moment."

"That's what scares you most about this pregnancy, isn't it?" Edward asked once she'd finished.

"What?"

"Having no control."

She shrugged as she thought about it. "I don't know. Maybe. But why do you think I'm scared?"

He gave her an incredulous look. "Bella, I'm quite positive I know you better than anyone on this planet. I can both see and feel it when you're scared of something, and I've felt those vibes from you ever since you first handed me that pregnancy test."

"Okay, but I believe every new mother is scared, so that's not unusual, and with this diagnosis, I think I'm entitled to the feeling," she defended herself.

"Yes, of course you are, but talk to me," he urged her. "I know there are things you haven't told me, and I haven't pushed you because I want you to feel comfortable enough on your own without me doing that."

They locked eyes for a long moment, and Bella felt her old friend guilt bubbling up within. She had kept things from Edward from the second she found out she was pregnant, and every time she felt bad about it, she had justified her reasons with some outrageous excuse.

Too many times, she'd felt fear at the thought of Edward proposing to her just because of the pregnancy, and her thoughts would spin out of control until she was certain he had a ring in his back pocket, taunting her, and she would have to run for the hills.

She justified that fear by convincing herself that Edward and rings and promises was a bad combination for them and would inevitably mean they'd have to break up again.

Whenever she feared she was incapable of being a good mother because she lost her own at such a young age, she didn't voice those fears to Edward because he wouldn't understand, they'd fight about it, and then inevitably break up again.

A big part of her knew she was being irrational, and that was another reason why she didn't talk to Edward about it because she didn't want him to think she was nuts and break up with her.

It was all a messy ball of a hot mess of thoughts that spun around in circles until absolutely nothing made sense anymore. But it was that small part of her, the tiny part that held onto the fear that her body would kill her baby, that had convinced her not to let her hope grow too strong because whenever something really good happened, something really bad had to sweep through her life as if to keep things balanced. And things were going really well with Edward lately.

She lowered her eyes and looked at his hand holding hers. "I'm scared I'll mess it all up. I have a knack for ruining things."

"That's not true, Bella," Edward insisted. "Yes, you've made mistakes, but they're normal, human mistakes."

"Oh really?" she questioned aggressively. "Because the guy I had a crush on as a kid rejected me, I publicly humiliated him at our hometown tavern, and now the love of his life is dead, and he's chased out of his home because he's haunted by the memory of me. When you showed me your heart and asked for a simple promise from me before we went to college, I crushed it with my bare hands, all because I had demons in my head of you tying me down to a place I couldn't stand. My body killed our first baby, and then I ran away across the world so I wouldn't have to face you before I tried to permanently remove myself from your life by moving to New York." She started talking faster and faster as the words tumbled out of her. "You canceled your own wedding because, once again, the memory of me haunted you. My ex-boyfriend, who used to be a very successful novelist, is now in jail, awaiting trial for a bunch of criminal charges because he shot your father, and that would never have happened if it wasn't for me, and now, here we are, and my body is once again trying to kill our child, but with the cherry on top, now it's also trying to kill me, and even if everything does go well, how the hell am I supposed to be a mother to a little innocent girl? I don't know how to be a mother. I never had one of my own, and I'm really not suitable to be a role model for anyone. I'm also terrified that you're about to ask me to marry you, and because I don't know if I'm ready for that, I'm scared we're doomed to repeat a cycle of breaking up and getting back together again for the rest of our lives until we're old, and wrinkled, and gray, and we never wanted to face the possibility that maybe, just maybe, we weren't right for each other."

Bella inhaled deeply, and she felt the breath moving all the way down to her pelvic floor, and then let it all back out. The silence that followed was deafening, and she tensed up as she started to turn her head to look at Edward, expecting him to stare at her with his jaw hanging like an open drawbridge as he tried to process the onslaught of information she'd just dumped on him.

But instead, his expression was sad and sympathetic. "Oh, baby, you had all of that pent up inside?" he asked softly. "I am so sorry. No wonder you've avoided talking to me. It certainly is quite the list of fears, but let me start by telling you this"—he stood up from his chair and sat down on the bed next to her, kissing the top of her head as he went on—"all of the things that happened with Riley and George were not your fault. They were as much active players as you, and they made their choices, which led them to where they currently are."

"I understand that … in a way," Bella said quietly. "I just don't like how their common denominator, apart from their lives being ruined, is me."

Edward nodded, and then made a decision. "Okay, Bella, look, I know you just unpacked a lot, and I stand by what I've said before—you can always come and talk to me—but I have a suggestion."

"What?"

"How about, once we've welcomed our daughter to this world, you and I go see someone we can talk to about all of this stuff? Someone professional."

Bella shifted so she could tilt her head back and look at Edward. "You want us to go to couples' therapy? Why?"

"Love, we're in a great place in our relationship right now, and we're talking and communicating, and that's great, but I don't think it would harm anything to talk to someone about all of these fears of yours. And if we go together, I'll get the chance to understand you, and you can finally tell me about everything that's eating you up from the inside."

"Yeah," she agreed after a moment of processing. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we do need to talk to someone."

"I'm only suggesting it because I love you, and I want to build a life and future with you and our daughter. I don't want you to feel like you're not in control of anything or as if you're always at fault because you're not. I want you to see yourself as I see you."

"I really don't deserve you," she said as her eyes teared up, and when he leaned forward, she gladly met him in the middle for a kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

A/N:

Wow, Bella really needed to get all of that out. It has eaten her up for a long time.

Edward is fantastic as always :)

Until next time,

Stay Awesome!