Chapter 41

Breakfast together for Sheppard and Mishta became a scheduled thing over the next few days…even once she was allocated quarters with a permanent guard duty to escort her wherever she wanted to go. It was protocol to keep a watch over guests, so Sheppard didn't argue. And she seemed to enjoy his company, even if it did come with terms attached.

Aside from that, he'd decided to give her space, allowing her time to let memories come back to her gradually. It was tempting to turn on the charm and try to impress her to speed things along, but he wasn't even sure that would work with someone like Mishta. That hadn't been how it had happened when they'd first met. Quite the opposite, in fact. Trying too hard with her might have an adverse effect on their bonding so he opted for letting things develop at their own pace.

Three days later, Sheppard was enjoying an early morning run before his daily check in with Mishta, when Woolsey suddenly hailed him.

'Colonel Sheppard, I'm sorry to disturb you, but it appears we have some unexpected visitors.'

'Really?'

'Yes…Your friends the Kheprians are approaching and asking permission to dock. Since you have one of the few working translators and you are known to them, your assistance at the docking area would be appreciated.'

'On my way.'

He carried on running, figuring he needed to get to the docking bay quickly anyway. Killing two birds with one stone as the saying went. If he was cutting short his run for a bout of diplomacy, he might as well squeeze every last second of cardio out of it.

By the time he reached the doorway that led out to the dock, chaos was already ensuing.

'You have to run…They'll take you!' Mishta screamed from somewhere beyond the door.

'Crap.'

John sprinted onto the dock at the sound of Mishta's yells, finding her aiming a pistol directly at Hakkar, who, to his credit, remained apparently unphased. A nearby marine was looking pretty embarrassed that she'd so easily disarmed him. Great, now they had an armed woman with severe memory loss facing a perceived enemy. What could go wrong?

'She…she came out of nowhere,' Woolsey stammered. 'She must have seen the ship approaching.'

'She asked if she could see the ship land. We didn't think it would be a problem,' the mortified marine explained.

Sheppard positioned himself between Mishta and their towering alien guest. 'Hey…easy there! This is Hakkar. He's a friend.'

She shook her head, shifting her weight anxiously from one side to the other. 'Get out of the way, John. You're all in danger…these creatures steal humans for trade.'

A new memory…if a somewhat outdated one. 'You're right. That's what they used to do…but they're our allies now. They're friends, I swear.'

For a moment she allowed her gaze to shift from Hakkar to John then she shifted it back again. She held firm.

'You trust me, don't you?' Sheppard pressed.

A little doubt crept into her stance now, her arm lowering just a fraction. It was enough for him to see the opportunity to bring the stand-off to an end. He reached out and carefully took the barrel of the pistol in his hand, tugging gently. She released it to him. Everyone, Woolsey included, breathed a sigh of relief.

Teyla and Ronon came darting in now, faltering to a halt as they took the scene in. 'Sheppard. Everything all right?' Ronon asked.

And it should have been, but that one, single word changed everything. 'Sheppard?' Mishta repeated, her eyes wide and fixed on him. 'Your name is John Sheppard?'

He knew exactly where this was going. To her, he'd just been John so far, but at the sound of his surname, another memory had surfaced. One that now put him in jeopardy. 'Mishta…don't get yourself wor –'

'You're the Wraith Slayer?' she demanded, backing up a few steps.

Everyone other than Ronon and Teyla looked puzzled at this turn of events, having no understanding of what she'd just said. 'Colonel Sheppard…is everything all right with her?' Woolsey asked, tensing as she bumped into him in her retreat.

'It's…complicated,' he shrugged.

'It's not complicated,' she shouted, the shock she'd felt giving way to anger now. 'You're the Wraith Slayer. With you, the universe ends!'

'No…you've got it wrong,' he tried to explain. 'All that's…' he stopped himself. He wasn't supposed to say anything that forced her to review her reality until she was ready to. 'Damn it! You're just gonna have to trust me when I say you've got it wrong.'

'Your existence threatens us all…Akalus sent them for you!' She lunged now to snatch the gun back. Sheppard side-stepped the attack as Ronon pounced, wrapping his arms around her and picking her up. 'I need to get home to fight him. You can't keep me here!'

'Okay, I think it's coolin' off time,' Ronon grunted as he carried her away.

Teyla remained a moment, watching open-mouthed as Mishta was borne away, cursing and threatening and spouting Birajan scripture as she went.

'On the positive side, her memory is returning,' she pointed out to them. Then she dipped her head toward the huge alien. 'Hakkar, it is good to see you again. If you will all excuse me, I think I should go and help Ronon now.' And then she, too, disappeared.

Woolsey ran a finger around his collar, a sure sign that he was more shaken than showed in his expression. 'Colonel…could you apologise to our guest, please?'

'You just did, Richard. He understands you, remember?'

Woolsey laughed, a little embarrassed. 'Of course. All the excitement has me a little flustered. Welcome back Mr Hakkar. What can we do for you?'

'I bring news from Gragoffa…but I see you have news of your own.'

'Uh…yeah,' Sheppard nodded. 'Sorry about that…she's confused.'

'As were you,' Hakkar reminded him. 'And as was her brother.'

Sheppard's jaw dropped. 'Really?'

'He returned almost a week ago. His reaction to me was similarly zealous.'

Sheppard was torn between laughing and crying, but opted for the former since he was in front of troops.

'Colonel, could you translate for the rest of us please?' Woolsey urged, keeping a fixed smile pinned on, while looking nervously at their huge companion.

'Mishta's brother has reappeared' he happily told him. The weight that news lifted off his shoulders was immense. He hadn't even realised how heavily the guilt for Lansha's passing still weighed on him until now. He'd been dreading breaking the news to Mishta.

'That's wonderful news. I'm sure that will help Mishta feel more settled once she's calmed down,' Woolsey replied. 'Now, perhaps you would like to invite our guests to the conference room and we can discuss what this means in terms of Mishta's return home.'

And suddenly that momentary happiness dissolved into despair. If the Kheprians were here, there was no reason for Mishta to stay. She could go home now, just like she kept asking to. But he wasn't ready to lose her yet.

oooOOOooo

At the sound of the chime, Teyla opened the door of Mishta's quarters to find John outside. She gave him a sad smile and stepped aside to let him in.

'She has been asleep for about half an hour now. She was distraught, so Jennifer came by to give her a sedative.'

He looked over at Mishta, curled up on her bed and nodded. 'That's probably for the best.'

'Jennifer did explain to her that her memories are not up to date, and that neither you nor Hakkar are a threat.'

'That was good of her. Did it help?'

Telya nodded. 'Some. I don't think she would have allowed her to give her the sedative if it hadn't. Oh…I have a translator now, too,' she added. 'Rodney kindly came by and refitted me with it after Jennifer settled her down. He says they have all the information they need to create more now.'

'That's good,' he murmured, only half listening. He sat on the edge of Mishta's bed and gently stroked Mishta's hair back from her face. He'd forgotten what she looked like when she was completely relaxed like this. She'd spent most of the past several days on edge and anxious, confused by her lack of memories.

'What did Hakkar want?'

Sheppard continued to stroke her soft hair, thinking how much it hurt that he had to wait for her to be unconscious to do things like this. 'He says Lansha's returned too. He's back on Gragoffa.'

Teyla immediately clamped her hand to her mouth, startled but obviously happy too. 'Oh, that is wonderful news. You must be so happy to hear that, John.'

He tried to smile, but he just couldn't manage it. 'Yeah…I am…I mean. I didn't want any of us to die…but…'

'You think she'll want to go home to see him.'

He slowly lifted his eyes to hers and nodded. 'I just got her back…I don't know if I can handle her leaving again.'

'But even if she goes, it may not be forever,' Teyla reminded him. 'I believe it will help with regaining her memories.'

'Yeah…Hakkar says Lansha has been back only a little longer than Mishta has, but he's already remembering more than she is. I guess it helps being in familiar surroundings.'

Teyla rested a hand on his shoulder. 'Even if she were to leave, I believe she would want to return to you once everything comes back to her.'

Mishta began stirring, restless in her slumbers.

'Well, that's not guaranteed,' he said, forcing himself to stand up and move away from her in case she woke. 'After everything she's been through, things might have changed.'

'I think you underestimate the strength of Mishta's affection for you,' Teyla told him earnestly.

Behind him, Mishta groaned and squirmed, then seemed to cough in her sleep. He checked over his shoulder, watching her face contort as she sucked in a laboured breath. 'That doesn't sound right.'

Teyla, too, now seemed concerned. 'No, it does not. Perhaps we should rouse her.'

But they didn't have to. In the next moment Mishta sprang awake, flailing and clawing at her throat and chest. 'Get him out of me! Get him out of me!'

She spilled to her knees, wheezing and coughing, as if she could not get enough air. Sheppard dropped to his knees beside her. 'Mishta…it's okay. It was just a dream.'

She suddenly grasped his arm, her eyes wide and frantic as she gasped out, 'No…he's inside me. Get him out…get him out! Please! It hurts!'

He couldn't stop himself this time and gathered her up in his arms, holding her to him. 'It's okay, Mishta. He's gone. He's gone. He can't hurt you anymore. I've got you now. You're safe.'

She trembled in his arms, sobbing and gasping, but then she reached out and clung to him, too, pressing into him for protection, her earlier fear of him set aside in the face of this new memory. There was nothing more to say. He just held her and let her cry it out while Teyla silently backed out of the room and gave them some privacy.

oooOOOooo

With Mishta now aware that she had a brother waiting for her back on Gragoffa, the Kheprians had offered to remain in orbit of New Athos for the time being, to allow her time to come to terms with the news and decide what she wanted to do next.

After the tears and exertions of the day before, Mishta had opted to stay in her room and rest on receiving the news, letting her mind absorb and adjust to the reality of the things she thought she was remembering. So, when the next morning she appeared standing in front of the table Sheppard had chosen to breakfast at in the mess hall, her two assigned guards hovering a few paces behind her, he figured it was business as usual.

'Oh…hey. Grab a seat,' he told her, about to pull her out a chair.

Before he could stand, she placed something on the table in front of him.

It was the picture box.

His heart plummeted. He'd been so wrapped up in his thoughts and worries about her overnight that he hadn't even noticed it was missing. He slowly raised his eyes to hers.

'I believe you dropped this in my room yesterday,' she said flatly. 'I found it beside my bed this morning.'

He suspected that all the bridge-building of the previous evening was about to come crashing down around his ears. 'Well…thanks for returning it,' he smiled, reaching for it.

She put her hand on top of it, preventing him from picking it up. 'I looked inside it.'

He swallowed, his throat suddenly bone-dry. 'Yeah… thought you might have.' This was really not a conversation for the mess hall with so many other people around. He stared back at her, trying to gauge her mood and figure out the best way to handle the unfolding drama. 'Why don't we –'

'Why do you carry a picture of me?'

He snapped his mouth shut. She never had been one to skirt around an issue. 'It was a gift.'

'From whom?'

'Your mentor…Juroah. He knew we were friends and thought I might like a keepsake.'

'Why would he give you a picture of me when I am right here with you?'

That, of course, was a good question. 'You were very sick…I wasn't…' His voice caught in his throat, the lies hard to force past his lips. 'We weren't sure you were going to make it.'

'And all of your friends carry pictures of me?' she asked. 'They are my friends too, so they tell me. Or is it only my 'good' friends who bear such gifts?'

'No…no they don't.'

He watched a wave of various emotions cross her face. She clearly had no idea how to feel about this. 'You told me you were my friend, so I trusted you. They say you are no longer a threat to me, so I trusted you – against everything the scriptures ever taught me, I trusted you. Can you not trust me with this one thing?'

He stood up and gestured for the door. 'Let's take a walk.'

'Are you in love with me?'

His mouth dropped open as he became acutely aware of dozens of eyes now focused on him.

Oblivious to his discomfort, she followed up with, 'Was I in love with you?'

Oh, God he hoped so…but he wasn't supposed to say. 'It doesn't matter how either of us felt before. It's about helping you recover now,' he said quietly, beginning to round the table, bothered that she still hadn't lifted her hand from the picture box. He figured he would have to sacrifice it since she wasn't letting go of it. 'Look, I have a meeting with Woolsey soon. Maybe we could talk about this later,' he suggested as he made his way past her to leave.

'Is this who you are, John Sheppard? A man who hides behind lies and deflection?'

He stopped, and took a deep breath. His heart told him to tell her the truth…tell her how much she meant to him…but then he would always wonder if he'd influenced her choice. 'We'll talk later,' he grunted, heading out.

'I want to go home.'

He stopped again, the wind knocked out of his sails. He turned, schooling his features into something he hoped was at least close to professional detachment. 'No problem. I'll let Woolsey know.'

And as he left to do that, all he could think of was the picture box still pinned under her hand and how much he wished he'd moved quicker to retrieve it.

oooOOOooo

When Woolsey had told Mishta she was free to leave and should ready herself, she'd wondered just what exactly she was supposed to do. She had no possessions, only the basic uniform they had supplied her with, so packing wasn't exactly going to be an onerous task. The flight back to her home was scheduled for an hour's time. And now all she could do was wait.

She sat down at the end of her bed and picked up the picture box she'd tossed onto her nightstand. Something nagged at the back of her mind but refused to come into the light. Something about John. She'd been told time and time again that he was a good friend and someone she could trust, but he was The Wraith Slayer…the prophesied cause of her people's doom. She'd been taught that since her youth, she could remember that much. That realisation meant that she shouldn't trust him…no matter how many people told her she could or how being around him made her feel. And she definitely felt something. Mostly anger that he was obviously keeping things from her, but then, so was everyone else. So, why did it seem so much more personal when he did it?

She absently rubbed the closed lid of the picture box with her thumbs as she clutched it, pondering how she'd reacted on finding it. A mixture of feelings had flooded through her – confusion, shock, fear, anger – but she'd settled on a sense of determination to get to the truth behind why he carried it. Of course, he'd refused to divulge anything from their past…just as he had for the past several days since she'd woken. Dr Keller had told her that medically it was best that she remembered things in her own time, rather than they overwhelm her with information her mind might struggle to process. But this was one thing she felt she really needed to know. And she knew why. Because the answer might sway her decision to go home.

A chime at her door announced a visitor and she eagerly bounded toward it, hopeful that John had come to make things up with her before she left. When the door drew back and revealed a young, dark haired female in uniform standing there, she tried not to look disappointed.

'Oh…hello.'

The woman smiled. 'I'm guessing you don't recognise me.'

Mishta scrutinised her a moment longer. 'You do look familiar, but I don't recall why. Sorry.'

'No need to apologise,' the woman told her with a dismissive flap of the hand. 'I was in the infirmary when you woke up, so maybe you remember me from that. The name's Mehra.'

Yes…she did remember that, but Mishta sensed there was a deeper connection she was not sharing. The name certainly resonated.

'Did you want something?' she asked, hoping that didn't sound too rude. She'd already offended one person today, she preferred not to upset anyone else before departing.

'Well, Dr McKay just fitted me with one of his new translators he copied from the ones from Gragoffa, and he wanted me to test it out…compare it to the real deal. I figured I should come talk to you before you leave since the Kheprians are busy getting their ship ready for departure. It's not bad, although he could do with tweaking the sound quality. It's a little tinny.'

'Oh…okay. Well…you can come in for a while if you like. I'm not busy at all.'

'Thanks.' Mehra stepped across the threshold and looked around the room. 'It's a little bare in here. No wonder you can't wait to get away from us.'

Mishta swept her gaze across the room. To her, it felt luxurious, even without personal possessions. She didn't know why; she just had the sense that she had been used to less. 'Oh…no…I'm not leaving because of that. I have family…back on Gragoffa,'

'Yeah…I know. Your brother.'

Mishta tilted her head and watched her as she poked around at the various basic furnishings. 'You know of him?'

'Yeah…nice guy. Real smart. Not much of a fighter.'

This was the most anyone had said to her about anything she'd forgotten. Maybe it was fortuitous this Mehra had turned up on her doorstep now. 'So, you've met him…you've been to Gragoffa?'

'Yup, got kidnapped by the Kheprians and thrown in prison in Phylacos along with the colonel. His team were there, too. He got us all out of there…with your help…Lansha's as well.' Mehra hesitated, then peered over her shoulder at her. 'You do know all this stuff already, right?'

'Yes…I've been remembering fragments,' she lied. The word Phylacos hadn't come up in ay conversation before, but it resonated in the same way that the woman's name did. That had to mean something.

'Cool. Do you remember when you and me bonded over the whole arranged commitment thing?'

Now that she said it, Mishta did recall sitting outside somewhere one evening talking with this woman. She'd been sad for some reason, but she couldn't recall why, and this one had given her support and words of encouragement. 'I do remember us talking…the subject matter remains vague,' she confessed.

'It'll come back to ya,' Mehra told her with a shrug. 'You'll be all badass and kicking butts again in no time.'

'I'm sorry…I don't know what that means,' Mishta confessed, finding Mehra's turn of phrase utterly baffling.

Mehra sat down on the end of her bed and grinned up at her. 'You're pretty good in a fight, unlike your brother. You're the brawn, he's the brains…not that I don't think you're smart,' she quickly qualified. 'It's just that he's smarter.'

A hazy memory of being in a tavern at the same time as someone who resembled her popped into her head - she, flirting with the locals, while he spoke calmly and quietly to some cloaked patrons. They were trying to get information…but both had very different methods to extract it. She suspected Mehra's assessments of their roles might be quite accurate.

'John and I were close…weren't we?' she asked, keen now to get to the root of what was bothering her most.

Mehra arched an eyebrow and gave her a broad grin. 'You askin' or tellin'?'

'I'm not sure,' she admitted. 'I know I feel more strongly toward him than anyone else I've met so far. I just don't know what those feelings mean.'

'I'm sorry…I'm not supposed to tell you stuff like that,' Mehra told her, getting back to her feet. 'All I will say is, listen to your instincts. When I'm confused, mine rarely lead me wrong.'

Mishta smiled and nodded, knowing that was good advice under normal circumstances. But did instincts work the same way when you had lost what it was to be you?

'Anyhoo…I have to get going now, report back to his lordship about the effectiveness of this thing,' she explained, tapping her ear. 'So...safe journey. Hope to see you again some time.'

'And I you,' Mishta replied. Then just as Mehra reached the door she thought of something else. 'Mehra!'

'Yup.'

'Could you do me a favour?'

Mehra turned to face her no. 'Sure.'

Mishta picked up the picture box from the bed where she'd dropped in on hearing someone at her door and joined Mehra. 'Could you give this to John, please? It belongs to him. I'd give it to him myself, but we had a bit of a falling out and I don't think he'd want to see me right now.'

Mehra took the silver box as she offered it to her. 'Yeah…I can do that. But I think you're wrong about him not wanting to see you.'

As she walked away Mishta called after her, 'Tell him I'm sorry.'

Mehra gave a mock salute, a gesture that Mehra took to be an acknowledgement, then was on her way again.

The door slid shut and Mishta began the countdown of her last half an hour on Atlantis.

oooOOOooo

Teyla collected her when it was time for her flight. Again, she tried not to act deflated when finding someone other than John at her door, but it was hard to think she wouldn't see him again before leaving.

Ronon and Rodney were at the docking pad when they arrived. The huge man pulled her into an embrace, although a brief one, and wished her luck. Rodney, on the other hand, looked a little dejected, and only offered her a handshake and assurances that she was welcome back any time, along with her brother. She thanked him, accepting a warm embrace and well wishes from Teyla also before she started up the ramp toward the Kheprian vessel.

The sound of running halted her progressed, and though she hoped she knew who those footfalls belonged to, she didn't dare believe it until she set her eyes on him pulling up short at the base of the ramp.

She turned to face him. 'I didn't think you were coming.'

'I wasn't sure you wanted me to,' John responded.

After their last exchange, she supposed that was fair. 'Well, I'm glad you did,' she smiled, extending her hand as she walked down to him. 'Thank you for everything, John. You have been a good friend.'

He looked down at her hand, his own hands resting on his hips where he'd planted them on stopping. He lifted his gaze to hers, arching an eyebrow as he took it, giving it a shake. Then, rather than letting go, he tugged her toward him and wrapped his free arm around her shoulders before pressing his lips to her ear and saying, 'Take care of yourself.'

The sensation of him being so close…so intimate…ignited a reaction in her. She slipped her arms around his waist and held on, probably longer than would be considered proper. She didn't care if he was the Wraith Slayer. He made her feel safe. Eventually, he pulled back and she released her grip on him too. 'Safe journey. Say hi to Lansha and Juroah for me.'

She smiled and nodded, but couldn't find any words, the sight of him there, tense and anxious, bringing her close to weeping. She turned away and almost got to the top of the ramp this time before her instincts kicked in and she took Mehra's advice, hurrying back down to him.

'Come with me. Say hello to them yourself.'

His shock was obvious. He gaped at her, then across at Woolsey who was watching the departure from a discrete distance.

The older man merely shrugged. 'You do have a week of leave left, Colonel.'

He glanced at his friends, Rodney and Teyla both beaming at him, the latter nodding as if to encourage him to accept. Ronon just watched him intently, giving nothing away.

'Uh…I…I need to grab some things,' he said, thumbing over his shoulder toward the exit from the dock.

'We can wait,' Hakkar assured him.

'Okay…uh…I'll be right back.' He took off running.

With her heart soaring, Mishta just sat down exactly where she stood to wait for him. It turned out Mehra was right. Instincts didn't let you down.

oooOOOooo

She didn't exactly know how she felt about the fact that Ronon and insisted on coming along for the ride, but Mishta chose not to dwell on it. He'd said he was there to offer protection to John, since humans were a valuable commodity on Gragoffa. She accepted that reasoning. Good friends wouldn't allow someone to travel without backup, she supposed, and Ronon seemed fiercely loyal to John.

Having them both along for the ride proved quite entertaining, as they regaled her with stories about their adventures, or rather, misadventures in Pegasus. It turned out that Ronon had a wicked sense of humour when it came to humiliating John with stories of his various female admirers, and though the stories did awaken a pang of jealousy in her, she enjoyed them all the same – if only to see John squirm. John did eventually get Ronon to change the topic with the line, 'I have two words for you, Ronon. Mistress Leilana.'

Ronon glared, but then broke out into a smile as he shook his head. 'Okay. You win.'

Occasionally, when they fell quiet, she would catch John looking at her with such intensity it gave her goosebumps. But in a good way, she decided. There was something about him that made her not mind his attentions or any of the emotions he awoke in her, and they were certainly many and varied. But the strongest, most prevalent sensation was one of feeling protected by him. She was glad he was here for this reunion. With only a vague recall of her family, it was a nerve-wracking prospect made easier by his presence.

It took only a couple of hours for the ship to reach their destination, and she felt sorry their trip was over so soon. She could have listened to their stories all day.

Once they'd landed, the hatch opened and they disembarked, a small group of humanoids waiting to greet them. They clearly weren't expecting anyone but the Kheprians themselves and watched in stunned silence as Mishta and her two escorts descended the ramp to join them.

One immediately rushed forward and flung his arms around her, gathering her up into a hug that literally swept her off her feet. But she did not feel threatened or violated; there was an immediate sense of deep connection. He looked like the male from her brief recollections; this had to be her brother.

He pushed her back and held her at arm's length. 'I didn't dare to hope you would come back! I've missed you so much. I swear I will never complain about your temper again. You can shout and curse whenever you want!'

She glanced back over her shoulder, finding both Ronon and John smirking, John flicking up is eyebrows as if to say 'See, it's not me that's the problem'. So, was that who she was? Some churlish, opinionated brat? She had refused to give John the picture back. Perhaps that hadn't been a mistake made in the heat of an argument, just a true representation of who she was. 'It's good to see you too, Lansha,' she smiled, looking past him to the other two males there. The strength of response when she looked to the one on the left was instant and almost overwhelming, memories immediately bombarding her mind. 'Juroah?'

'So, youngling. You remember this old fool?' he chuckled, wandering forward and hugging her warmly.

Yes, she remembered him. This was the male who had taken them into his care when their father had died, had listened to them sob and bemoan their fates without a word of judgment, had taught her how to fight and defend herself and had nurtured Lansha's innate curiosity in all things science and engineering. This was the man who had become her father when she had been orphaned. She clung to him tightly. 'How could I ever forget you?'

When she let go of him, she saw that Lansha and John were engaging with one another, speaking quietly. Whatever Lansha said seemed to affect John deeply, and he chewed his lip as they parted, looking troubled. She wanted to ask him if he was all right, but when his eyes briefly met hers, he immediately put on a mask, making out he was fine. Whatever it was, was clearly a private matter and she decided not to intrude. At least, not yet.

'Do you remember Thaliah?' Juroah asked, gesturing to the third figure who had met them.

She didn't, but smiled and dipped her head politely in greeting.

'I think I have slipped her mind,' Thaliah chuckled. 'Don't worry, youngling. I am eminently forgettable.'

'I'm sorry,' she apologised. 'I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. There are so many memories all trying to compete in my head and getting lost in the chaos.'

'No matter,' Thaliah said kindly. 'I have confidence the important things will return to you in time.'

'You should come and see what the Kheprians are helping us to build,' Juroah told them all. 'With Akalus gone, we no longer need to hide. We are constructing a place of our own.'

'Sounds good,' John smiled, giving her a sideways glance as he passed her. He looked embarrassed that she'd caught him in a moment of vulnerability. She wished he understood he had no reason to hide such things from her.

When they climbed aboard Juroah's transporter a strange feeling instantly came over her, one that left her gasping again. She felt someone grasp her arms and ask if she was okay. It was John…it was always John. Grounding her.

'I feel…I feel like I can't breathe…like my body is too full to draw breath.'

He spun her to face him. 'You're okay. Just slow your breathing. Like this,' He demonstrated breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, getting her to copy the rhythm, and as she did so she felt herself calming and her breathing becoming easier.

Lansha, too, now offered her comfort. 'I'm sorry…I should have thought that this craft would – '

He stopped short and she realised that there had been some kind of unspoken exchange between him and John, one that had silenced him.

'Stop it!' she said, rounding on them both. 'You're keeping things from me. I know you are. Perhaps if you just told me what I can't remember I wouldn't be struggling so much.'

'Dr Keller said –'

'I don't care what some physician says,' she snapped at John, steeling herself against his crippling compassion. 'They don't know everything. Just tell—'

A vision struck. She was fighting with John. He was trying to get off the transporter and she wouldn't let him. And she was strong…too strong…

His shock changed to fury as John lunged for her, knocking her backwards into the closed hatch. She felt the contact in some distant way, as if she were remembering rather than experiencing it directly. He had to have reached for the latch because in the next moment she was falling out, landing heavily on the ground with him on top of her.

She grabbed at him, lashed out at him, but she had no control of her actions. She was a puppet and the puppet master had complete control.

John landed punches, each one thumping against her body in a dulled frenzy of his anger and desperation.

'You're only hurting her,' Mishta heard her voice say, even though her mind had not formed the words. Despite the soreness of her body and her lack of voluntary motor functions she threw him off, then jumped on top of him, pinning him to the ground, a gun she hadn't even realised she was carrying grasped in her right hand as she pressed down on him. He pulled his hand free and grabbed her wrist, trying to force her to let go of it. Unexpectedly, she let a punch loose with her other hand to stop him.

'There's no point in this, John,' she heard herself say. 'It was inevitable that I would succeed. The universe demands justice.'

'No…you demand it. You are not the universe.'

Darkness clouded her thoughts, filling her with an anger that didn't belong to her. 'I am the true power in this universe. It bends to my will. You wouldn't be here if that were not true.'

'That's bullshit and you know it!'

She pulled free of his grip and jumped to her feet, aiming the gun at him with no conscious will to do so. 'Then you choose the difficult path.'

Energy flashed from the gun she held. Her mind screamed for John as it thumped into him, knocking him out cold.

'He was inside me,' she whispered, realising now that the supposed nightmare of the other day had not been a nightmare at all. 'I helped him to kidnap you.'

'It wasn't you,' John assured her. 'You had no say in anything he did.'

'If he took me as a host…how am I still alive?' she demanded. 'That doesn't make sense.'

Lansha turned her to face him now, stroking her hair back over her shoulder as he held her gaze earnestly. 'It will soon, Mishta. It will soon.'

A/N: Mishta is certainly going through a rollercoaster of emotions as her memories come back to her. So will it all end on a high or a low? Thanks to everyone still reading and sharing their thoughts.