CHAPTER 41 - Crimes
Bella's POV :
I had never cried like I cried as I read the last chapters of Six's life. It was beautiful at first, like a window had been opened in Master's heart and the light was blinding ! I could see Six's little face in Esme's lap, could almost taste the chocolate cake and cookies he used to LOVE…and the frogs…I fell even more in love with him now, seeing all this.
But then, I read about James. I felt a cold sweat break out over my flesh and I wanted to SCREAM when I saw what he had done to the girls, and Esme…and Edward.
The mental fallout from such a brutal night explained a lot about how he became later. This is most likely when the demon inside him, maybe another whole personality, emerged. When something is so horrible for us…TOO monstrous to even deal with, we mentally switch it off, and sometimes we create a new personality…a stronger one, one that doesn't care about ANYTHING or ANYONE, one who would never get close to loving again in fear of being hurt like that once more.
As the tears fell from my eyes, I was scribbling in my notebook, as if I were fleshing out a character in one of my stories.
Let's look at some facts that almost leap off the page, from Edward's own hand:
The first thing I noticed was how Six's birth mother demanded silence. Master, or the persona of Master, does the EXACT same thing. Interesting. Maybe he doesn't WANT to hear the pleas and the begging because it softens his resolve to do the things he is planning to do.
I noticed that in several parts, he blushes. "Awww" came out of my mouth every time. Just noticing, not bringing this up to Master. I'm not THAT brave.
He reads to me at night and sometimes sings to me as I fall asleep, too, There's another part of Esme that is still inside him.
Esme brought songs and music into his life. This is no doubt a HUGE reason why he still adores it so much. Maybe it's his one link left to her now.
Master hates makeup and loves to mess it up when I'm wearing it during our training. Upon how he wrote the way his birth mother came downstairs in messy makeup explains that. Fresh faces, like the ones the ladies wore when they were with HIM is how he prefers a woman.
The attitude of human Edward was respectful to his mother AND the girls, nice, sweet, polite. Vampire Edward, a whole opposite creature is curt, rude, snide, condescending to most people. This is his armor to keep people at bay. Even someone like me who might be drawn to his beauty will quickly be put off by his attitude. I'm sure this was done on purpose long ago and is probably now just habit.
It was bittersweet to me how human Six and Edward LOVED to eat, at first because he was hungry…but then later it was clear he LOVED food. I wonder if he misses it. And he's always on me about eating healthy. But then, on my birthday, he did give me…a chocolate cupcake ! Hmm….
Master was very disgusted and annoyed by me when I was drunk that night he saved me from the ledge. Now it's revealed here that his birth mother drank and came down hung over a lot.
Teaching : Six began his love of learning with Esme and the ladies, then later he became a teacher. Esme wanted the girls to have minds, not just lovely bodies. This is so alive in Master even today. He loves to push me, to teach me everything he can, in addition to making my body strong. I love this part of him, even though it's very hard on me sometimes. I think that little Six was so eager to learn and do well in his lessons because, for the first time, someone was paying attention to him, cared enough to teach him things. And with his whole heart, he embraced it.
It made me so sad to see that Six couldn't have friends growing up. It explains why he doesn't really have any now, besides the fear of getting too close to people. He also doesn't seem to care if I had a lot of friends, but he also felt badly for me about losing Alice as my one friend. Interesting. He doesn't want me to be isolated, as he was.
The part about the expensive cologne made me laugh. Even as a little kid, Six LOVED cologne and perfume scents. He is VERY into those still today. And being a vampire, it's probably even MORE important to him.
"People are afraid of what they don't understand.", Molly said to him when he was eight. To this day, he uses this to make his mortal girls afraid, to keep them obedient. It was the same thing he wrote about James. James had young girls in the house because they were more easily scared. This also explains his attitude of THEM vs. US. I guess now I am included in the US category, but Master doesn't trust anyone else. Not Dr. Carlisle, not the other teachers, not the other students, no one.
The more I think about it…this friend thing. Six DID have friends. The other girls in the house. Emma and the other young girls were ladies of the evening, probably scared and distrustful of most people. But, Six had befriended them, even before the sexual encounters. He must have talked to them, gotten to know them, earned their trust, if they were willing to be with him free of charge on their off time. And he took the time to teach them things, when no one else was really interested in doing that for a prostitute. I would try to find a nice way to let him know this somehow.
I liked the part where Edward lists Six's faults as a kid. Liking things a certain way, impatient, moody, hates being laughed at. Yep. All still there.
The mention of the priest who wouldn't come to Big Edward's funeral spoke a lot on the reason Edward hates religion and priests, and God. God didn't save Big Edward, or the girls, or even him. He "let" Six become a vampire. But I'm sure it's more about how he didn't answer Edward's prayer as they were being killed. I understood that. I am also angry at God for not helping my Mom.
Six was a kind person. And in his mind, that got him killed. Esme asked him to spare James…and he did. He had mercy. And then James came back and destroyed all of them. I see now why he doesn't like to have mercy or go easy on people.
The red roses. They were placed on Big Edward's body…and he handed me a red rose on Valentine's Day at the dance. Did that trigger something ? Bring up that memory ?
Revenge is no way to live. Edward has been living for 265 years with no other dream on his mind except this one. How am I supposed to talk him out of that ? And James DOES deserve to suffer and die for what he's done. I just hate that my Edward has to be the one to fight him. What if James wins ?
Esme told Six that Big Edward was happy now, after his death, because he was with his wife and son. And Edward probably feels the same way about Esme and the girls. Is he angry that he missed his chance to go with them and be at peace forever ? Does he still want to ?
The part about Six sitting on the piano bench with Emma reminded me of the times when I sat there beside him in music class. Does he think of Emma sometimes when I'm there ?
Emma's sex lessons to virgin Six were lovely and sweet to read. I loved how she was teaching him things…just like he teaches me as Master.
He hated the name Neil. But that's his favorite order to give : "Kneel." LOL.
Esme told him if he killed James he would be damned forever. And I guess he feels he was damned forever anyway. That was James' plan. When he heard Esme tell Six that they would all be together after they died, and Six seemed glad about that…he probably decided right then that he would make Six a vampire and steal that peace away from him. Bastard. He didn't even stick around and teach him anything about what he had become. He just LEFT. No wonder Edward became so hard and cold. If there had been some fatherly figure there with him, maybe he would've been different.
Remember who you are. I wish he would. And lately, I DO see human Six inside of him. He is very soft at times, very innocent and unsure of himself, vulnerable. And then the second I see that in his eyes, he turns cold again, like he is afraid for me to see it. Or maybe he's just afraid that I will meet the same fate as Emma and Kitty if he shows any signs of weakness.
When Master DID come to my room, I just threw myself into his arms and cried. He didn't seem surprised by this and his hand laid on my back, his other hand moving slowly down the back of my hair.
"You read it.", he surmised, and I'm glad he didn't make a joke.
I wanted to say so much…but I couldn't make the words come out. I found myself taking one of his hands and kissing the palm, then the other one. I could see no scar or mark there, but I knew it would be healed by the venom as he turned vampire.
Edward looked very moved by this gesture and he held me very tight as I finished my little cry.
"I told you it was a bad story.", he finally spoke as I began to quiet.
"No, it's a beautiful, tragic…", I broke down again.
Some of the parts were absolutely gorgeous and like another world, another time. And then there were the parts that were ghastly and unforgettable.
"Now you know…", he began, kissing the top of my head, "About James. He will never get near you, I swear."
He took a breath and sat on my bed, his head in his hands, twisting his hair into a frenzy.
"Why I don't just leave here now and go find him, I have no idea.", he grumbled, almost to himself.
"You DO have an idea.", I sat beside him and wiped my eyes.
Then he curled his hands into fists then uncurled them and looked at me. His frustrated frown slowly turned into a soft smile.
"Yes, I do.", he agreed.
Leaving to go find James would mean he would leave ME…leave us. And who knows how long it would take him to even FIND James ? Years ? Decades ? And if he DID find James, he could die. And I would never know about it. I would die too, if he left now to do that. I would understand it…but it would still kill me anyway. And he knows that.
"Now you see why I can't have him anywhere near you.", he stared at the palms of his own hands now, as if he could still see the scars there…maybe HE could.
"He would destroy you…and every girl here.", Edward seemed to be seeing the ghosts of his loved ones in his palms, "And I would try to stop him, of course, but…what if I lose again ? What if I failed again ? I couldn't live with that again. I can't live with it NOW."
He stood up suddenly and seemed to be staring at my wall…but when I went to him, I saw his eyes were closed. And I couldn't tell for sure but it almost felt like he was slightly trembling when I touched his arm.
I couldn't lie to him now and say I wasn't afraid. I am. Even Edward is afraid. James is a very frightening villain looming over our heads. I hated that he was there in our story...in our lives.
"Listen.", I cleared my throat, "I know…he's very scary. And I know I should walk away now and go back to my sad human life, and tell you that it's over between us."
Edward was looking at me now, partly glad I was saying these things…the other half terrified looking, especially in his eyes.
"And if I was just worried about my long life ahead of me, " I went on, "I would. It's the smart thing to do."
"Finally.", he said softly under his breath.
"But", I inserted, "I can't do that. It's too late. I love you. I love you…Six…I love you, Edward Cullen. I love you, Master. I love all of you. I even love that devil inside you that you keep telling me about. So, I can't walk away. I can't live without you. We're one, as far as I'm concerned. If you die, I die. If you bleed, I bleed."
He was silent, knowing I would not be talked out of this. It's almost like he was mourning me already. Then I got some inspiration from his teachings of poetry.
"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.", I recited to him, "William Shakespeare."
This was one of my favorites and his lips were turned up now into a little smug smirk at my quoting. I couldn't tell if teacher Mr. Cullen was proud of me…or if Master was ready to spank me soundly for that one.
"Shakespeare.", Master took a breath, "The writer who also destroyed Romeo and Juliet, two kids in love, just to teach their parents a valuable lesson."
"They ended up together.", I pointed out about the couple, "And they were free to love each other, forever."
He breathed out and said, "Forever. I used to believe in that word. Now all it means is that I'm THIS forever. There is no heaven we can go to TOGETHER. You would go there. I would be somewhere else."
I needed to get him out of this mindset. He loved to dwell on his many negatives. I suggested that I needed some discipline.
And that's how I am here now.
I am on all fours, naked, a chain around my neck, the padlock dangling under my throat, my eyes on the floor below me.
"I hope you are rested.", he said in a cold voice, still not looking at me much, "You are going to be put through some intense training tonight, 317."
I didn't answer because he had not asked me anything yet. Another lesson I learned a while ago.
"Very good.", he said flatly, liking it that I did not answer yet.
"Submit.", he demanded as he approached me, his chest bare and his black leather pants on today…no shoes. I was dazzled by the perfect lines in his chest…the muscles…the curves…and his lips looked a darker shade tonight.
I went into the submit position, opening my legs more and sticking my ass up, my hands stretched out on the floor in front of me.
"Good girl.", his voice was a bit more affectionate now and he touched me, inspecting and inhaling my scent to make sure I had done everything right before arriving here.
His fingers slowly inserted themselves inside me and I tried hard to be silent as he checked me.
Then his one finger slid into my asshole and I did cry out a small one that time. He didn't say anything, probably forgiving me because it was still new using that hole and it was a little sensitive.
I was glad he didn't get angry with me yet. His finger slid out and he was wiping his hands on a towel beside him.
"Acceptable.", he said curtly.
Thanks.
"Hair.", he said and I knew that was the order for me to get my hair out of his way.
I bowed my head forward and gathered it quickly into a single tail, holding it with my hands.
He was touching the chain around my neck, and loosened it a tiny bit, pulling it a bit as he padlocked it closed again.
"Submit.", he ordered and I put my hands down to the floor again, my hair hanging over my face.
"Come.", he gave the order that made me move, crawling on the end of the chain leash he led me with…I followed him as quickly as I could to another room in the old hospital. The floor was a bit rough on my palms and knees but it wasn't terrible.
This room was darker and had a long cage in it. One I could lay down in but it was so short that the bars would press against my breasts and ass once inside.
It was opened and without a word, he led me down towards it, bringing my face to his by the chain, kissing me softly first before I crawled inside it. The chain leash was taken off my neck, again, silently. He snapped his fingers and pointed to the cage.
His eyes looked into mine and they were crimson red. But at the same time, sweet. I trusted him as I laid myself down in there and he slowly closed the lid over me, padlocking it with a quick pull of his fist.
He tested it with a tug and it was in place. My breasts were nicely pushed in by the criss cross bars and my nipples were poking out between them. I put my hands at my sides, watching him, loving the view of his flawless face above me. He gave a small lick against my left nipple and stood up, gazing at me as if I were beautiful.
I didn't struggle or look around in paranoia. I just gazed at him the same way.
"Crazy little girl.", he shook his head, smirking.
He grabbed a bar at the side of the cage and pulled it up gently. It clicked and stayed in place as I was now leaned up, my head up a couple feet, my legs down. Then he came back with a couple of belts and put them around my wrists, and also the bars of the cage, holding my hands down there. He let my feet go free for now and I guessed it didn't matter, I couldn't move them much anyway.
"Stay right there.", he smiled as he walked out of the room, his white skin almost glowed in the darkness as my breasts strained against the thin bars with each breath.
I sighed and tried to relax, hating it when he wasn't with me, even if he was feet away. I glanced around me and could see nothing but walls in shambles, holes in them…peeling paint…and the cold air…damn it…the cold air all around me.
I wish I could have a towel or a blanket…something.
Suddenly, like a cat, he leapt onto the cage bars, and smiled as I gasped in surprise. With inhuman grace, he could sit on the cage without falling off and he straddled it, right near my face…and he unbuttoned his pants and wickedly stared down at me.
"Open.", he said with no hint of gentleness.
I obeyed and opened my mouth against the bars, my tongue licking against the metal, right below a big square opening there.
He gave a very aroused groan and took out his hard cock, just managing to get it in the opening and into my opened lips.
"Oh, FUCK", he said right away as I wetly sucked and moved my mouth fast up and down against the bars, his cock setting right into my throat cavity in back. He didn't move but I did with my limited space and I moaned as I moved my neck as best I could. I could not get much air this way but every so often I would get some from the sides of my mouth…my nose of course.
All I could do was watch his face, his eyes as he watched me service him…he was so devastatingly beautiful it hurt my eyes to look for so long. I gagged and choked loudly, knowing he loves those sounds. He closed his eyes and took great pleasure in my noises as I pumped up and down around him while he just stayed there, impaling me into place.
His fingers gripped the bars of the cage above my eyes. I could've sword I heard metal creaking as I worked hard, not weakening with time…staying steady…going stronger in fact the longer I sucked and licked. He had taught me this, stay enthusiastic all through the experience. I kept thinking of electric shocks and went faster, harder…telling myself if I didn't do well I'd be right back there, burning from the inside out again. He loved to use electricity to get my focus back. It motivated me.
"Guuuuuhhhhhh guuhhhhh guhhhhhhh", I kept saying as I fucked his cock with my throat. I had the control for once as he just stayed there in place.
His eyes clenched tight and he began heaving his breath in and out, his body arching up and back. I couldn't see his face now but I knew he was enjoying this.
"DON'T…", his voice was high and young sounding now, "Don't stop, Bella !"
Now I'm Bella, not 317. Interesting. I wished I could smile.
I went even more violently now, knowing he was close to the edge. I didn't have many chances to weaken him or torment him…but when I did I took full advantage of them.
I would love to have the guts to stop him cold right now…but I didn't want to even imagine that.
I could've sworn I heard metal popping as his fingers tightened in the cage bars…maybe he was pulling it apart, not meaning to.
"I'm gonna come….", he growled, "I'm gonna come…"
I didn't give my permission, did I ? My devilish side fantasized.
He did explode inside my mouth and the addictive taste of him filled my mouth and trickled down my throat. The familiar little burn felt like a very sore throat but it quickly faded.
When he slowly withdrew, I panted and tried to catch my breath. My wrists slightly curled in their belts as I watched him above me.
My breasts heaved in and out against the bars as he laid on the cage, putting his arms around it, as if he were holding me. I put my lips against the bars and opened them, and he smirked, leaning down and kissing me, the bars between our mouths, with very strong emotion. I whimpered and mewed as we kept kissing, tongues finding each other through the bars.
"Fuck girl.", he pulled away and I almost whined at the loss of him.
"You make it almost impossible to discipline you.", he said from the darkness.
I smirked.
"Almost.", I pointed out.
His voice sounded light as he replied.
"Almost.", he agreed.
"Take a little rest.", he ordered, his dom voice back again, "I have plans for you."
More plans ? Shit.
I'm not sure if he made me go to sleep or not but I was out like a light I guess because suddenly I opened my eyes…he was there, above me, standing next to my cage.
The cage was raised up, off the floor. I looked around as he smiled at me. My hands were still strapped down at my waist…and the cage was up, laying me right beside Master's waist. In fact, he was leaning his forearms on the top of it…smiling down at me.
I was still cold and almost getting used to that. I trembled at the look in his eyes. It was sweet…too sweet. Something was up.
I couldn't look behind me but I feared that's where the secret was. Master took a single finger and tipped it against the upper part of the cage and easily the cage moved backwards, tipping my head back and down a little as I screamed, no gag in my mouth. I grabbed the bars next to my bound hands and wondered what the Hell was happening now.
"Master", I called out to him, making my voice lower a bit, "Master…"
"Shhhh", he put a finger to my lips, "Trust. Silence."
I began to try looking underneath me. All I could see was a big metal tank kinda thing under me, under my upper half. I gulped and turned back to his face. I began to breathe a bit erratically, panicking a bit.
"What…", I heard myself say…
"Are you fussing again ?", he asked me, raising a brow.
"No Master…but…", I breathed, suddenly scared.
His fingers went between the bars and began to make little warm circles against my clit. He shushed me and kept moving his fingers slowly as I moaned, calming a little. For some reason, I heard myself crying a little, unsure why. The pleasure of it was so intense it made me a bit emotional.
He grinned at that and looked down lovingly at me. I wasn't sure I could take much more but was afraid to say so. Tears never worked on him. To him, it was a beautiful way to release my feelings. He found it sweet when I cried.
"Do you know what's coming ?", he asked, toyingly.
I shook my head, half aroused and half scared. It was a very strange sensation.
"Yeeaaa….", he agreed with me as I wept and the cage tipped back a bit more…my head going backwards as I tensed…giving a little yell.
"Uhh uhh uhh uhhhh", I heard myself giving out breaths with tears in them as he kept tipping me back. I felt very warm water and was glad it wasn't cold at least…but I felt it in my hair…it was a tub of water.
Once I got that clue, he smiled even darker down at me.
"Care to take a little swim ?", he asked with a sinister tone.
I gave a very childish whimper of fright as he put me back up, level again as before. He looked behind him and reached for something…and reached back into the cage…switching something on as he placed it against my clit. A familiar buzzing sounded in the air and instant pleasure was humming against my sore little clit. But it was very hot and awesome vibrating there. It calmed me a bit…but my voice was still crying a little.
His fingers opened my pussy lips a bit as my legs were together and he inserted this little thin vibrator inside the folds there. He held them together as the little thing buzzed away, sending heaven through my vagina and everywhere inside of me. I whimpered and moaned…the tears still in my voice as I succumbed to it.
"UUUHHHHH", I arched and tensed as it worked its magic…my eyes going wide as I stared up into the void…my voice clearly spoke of arousal but also fear…it was a very special sound I never heard myself make before.
Before I could come, he turned it off and took it away. I almost frowned at him as I looked down. He was turned away from me, going to get something else now.
I kept making my pathetic little sounds as he moved around near my feet.
Another harsh buzz sound shot into the air and I recognized it immediately. It was another one of the wands that gave the electric shocks. This was not the brass one…it was a lesser one but still effective…I had experienced this one last night. A long glass tip with purple lightning inside it…the handle black. This one fucking hurt too !
"NO NO NO!", I let the screams tear out of me now, not trying to hold them in for some reason. I thought I had gotten past this. And here it was again. I felt so full of rage it wasn't funny.
He was back to zapping my toes as I cried and screamed, trying to get my feet away from him, not much room to do so.
I howled and felt the wand follow my toes wherever they went and I grabbed the bars at my sides so hard it felt I might break them myself.
He paused and slyly asked, "Aww poor thing. You didn't think we were done, did you ?"
He is pure evil. Bastard. Why do I love him so much ?
I kicked so hard I hit the bars with my own feet and he laughed, backing up for a moment as I raged.
"RRRRRRRR !", I growled like a wounded animal, "RRRRRRRR!"
"It's about time you showed up.", his voice said, "Where the Hell have you been ?"
I blocked that out, whatever it meant…but I kept shouting and kicking, wild.
I almost didn't know how to speak WORDS that's how insane I was…I was out of control…almost helpless to stop myself.
The cage began to swing now, up and down and as I looked down at him at the bottom he was pulling it and pushing it, letting me consider my fate as my hair kept dipping in the warm water…steam almost coming up out of it as my hair touched the water for the third time.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH !", I couldn't believe MY voice was saying this to him as he gave me an evil smile in return.
Where the HELL is that coming from ? Not ME !
He didn't seem too hurt by this statement, he seemed to look happier !
"Look around, darling,", he squinted wickedly at me, "I think YOU'RE the weak bitch right now."
I growled and struggled, banging against the bars as he kept playing with the cage, making it rock.
The horrid buzz of the wand was back again and I screeched as he played it along the bottoms of my feet again. I cried and sobbed, but growled at the same time.
"Stay here this time.", his voice said as I wondered what he was talking about, "Stay."
Slowly the cage tipped back…back…further than before…I was almost upside down as my hair got wet with the hot water again. He was not bringing me up again…he stopped me there as I felt my heart beating out of my chest.
Several times I rocked back and forth…up and down…my feet feeling the burn as the little glass wand bit me over and over again. I heard Master chuckle with an edge to his voice.
I was level again for a moment…and I thought he was just fucking with me. I almost relaxed. But then the buzz echoed again as I cried and screamed. I felt it at my side now…it moved along my ribcage as I screamed out in pain.
He looked over me again, not saying anything. I felt the rage leaving me and fright replacing it. His hands were moving the cage a bit, adjusting it as if he were getting ready to dunk me in there. I was crying and shouting, trying to see it below me.
I noticed I was straight up now…he had stood the cage up and was staring at me.
"Would you like to see where you're going ?", he asked me, not waiting for my answer as he turned the cage around with no effort until I was looking down at the steamy metal tub of water there on the floor.
I made sad, afraid sounds as he stood behind me. I felt the cage going down…my head tipping down…down towards the water.
"NOOO, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, WAIT, WAIT !", I was desperately begging as the cage came to a halt again.
He walked around near my face, glaring at me, his arms resting on the cage again.
"Problem, 317 ?", he asked as I looked at him, panting harder.
I didn't know what to say so I only whimpered.
"Are we back to square one?", he asked, waiting to see if I was about to beg all over again.
"No, Master.", I heard myself say respectfully.
"Fantastic.", he snapped, his eyes hard as he went around to my feet as I cried, clenching my eyes shut, gripping the bars…he tipped me forward a little more…until I was nose to the water. And he let me wait there a moment, to think about it. Maybe to prepare myself. I took deep breaths in fast bursts, getting ready.
I didn't think he'd really do it until I was submerged in the black water and I held my breath, breathing out hard through my nose, my growls bubbling all around me as I waited…a few seconds later I was out and facing the water again. I gasped and couldn't' say much before I was moving again…back down into the water…its heat the only comfort there. I blew bubbles hard and screamed even in the water as I waited for air again…I was brought up again, only enough to feel the water pouring off my hair and into my face as I gulped and shook my head, trying to get a clear breath. I couldn't see or hear him at all as I went under again, giving a huge growl as I went down.
I kicked my legs and jerked my body in protest as I was brought up about ten seconds later. I coughed and panted, growling, sounding mad even to myself.
"Nooooo", I managed to spit the word out as I heaved up the air, "Noooooo"
I went back in again, my feet beating against the bars there…I thrashed my head a bit and blew air out of my nose…making as much sound under the water as I could.
He began fucking with me…bringing me down then stopping…and up again then down, stopping just short of the water. I could just picture him back there, his black smile, his piercing red eyes, getting a thrill out of my bubbling screams as I submerged under the water.
"Uhhh uhhh AAAHHHHH !", was all I could say in between my dives into the water as he kept giving me a few seconds of air then down again. There wasn't even time to plead for mercy. A couple times I said "NO!", or "WAIT!", but the only response I got was more water.
One time he held me there for a good long time and when I came out I was sobbing. I got a few seconds more to compose myself and then I was going back down.
Again, I was almost kissing the water when he stopped me…and then I jerked up a bit…then down hard.
In no time I was full on growling and screaming in between my dunks.
"WAIT !", I begged and he bounced me a couple of times…then back down.
"Don't swallow all the water, 317.", he finally spoke as I came up, coughing.
I lost count of how many times I went under…or how long it was before I was finally stood up straight again. But at last I was there…and something clicked as Master turned the cage around so I could face him. His eyes were dark, his mouth a straight line.
I gagged and panted, unable to speak for a moment…I just watched him as he looked at me. It's as if he was waiting for me to say something horrible to him. I didn't. I closed my eyes finally, breaking the connection and tried to catch my breath.
I wanted to say all this but words were erased from my mind right now.
"I love it when you fight back.", he smiled at me warmly.
"I love it when you LET me fight back.", I shivered, smiling back up at him.
Water play is amazing ! I loved it that all of our hard training had paid off and led us to such a wicked scene. I LOVED it ! The feeling of helplessness, the rush as my face went into the water…the delicious evil master he played…I wanted more.
"If you're good, maybe I'll dunk you some more.", his eyes looked heavy with lust as he gave me that crooked smile, his finger inserting itself into my very wet and willing mouth. I sucked it heartily and licked the entire length of it, I even bit down a little.
Earlier, we had agreed that only me saying the word VOLLEYBALL would stop him in this scene. If I said it, or if I banged my feet against the bars three times in a row, that was the signal to stop and take me out of the water. But I was fine. I didn't have to use my word. And I was proud of myself.
"I'll be good.", I vowed softly, as his lips came to the bars of the cage….and I was sucking his bottom lip into my mouth, very greedily.
In two minutes, I was facing the water again, getting some longer pauses now between dunks…and I went in silently, holding my breath and holding onto the bars as he brought me up.
"You alright ?", he asked me later, standing at the head of the cage now, so he could see my face every time I came up.
"Yes Master.", I smiled, inhaling deeply. This water play was fun for me. I was glad.
"I love you, 317.", he said to me, his eyes losing their ice as he leaned in, kissing my wet lips through the bars again.
"I love you too, Master.", I said easily, glad that I had gotten through this torture.
It's not always easy, being a vampire's slave. Especially when the vampire has fallen in love with you against his will. I would try to be patient with him.
I really had no choice. He is my everything. I don't just want him. I need him.
I wish I could put his mind at ease, make him see that it would all be alright. But he's stubborn. He's 265 years old.
Later, we were playing another version of our water game. We were pretending that Master had to interrogate me with the water torture until I gave him the combination to my locker, as if this was some secret code he needed for something. I wondered how long I could hold out.
When I was pulled up out of the water again, I play coughed and clenched my eyes as I tried to "catch my breath." Really, I was fine but I was getting pretty good at making pathetic sounds of weakness.
"Now.", Master was sitting across from where my face was, so he could make eye contact with me. He shone a flashlight into my eyes and I winced, jerking my wet hair around my face as he began to question me again.
"That was 54 seconds under the water.", he informed, "And I know…you can't do much longer than THAT. But we can. We can try 85 seconds next. Unless you have something to tell me."
I grabbed the bars behind me, blinded by the light in my eyes as he waited for me to break.
"Come on, bitch.", his voice cut into the haze going on in my mind, "I know you think I'm getting bored by this, but actually, I quite enjoy it. I could watch those perfect little tits shine all week long. And as hard as this is now, I could make it so much worse. Trust me."
I wondered how. Then he went on to explain that.
"Ice cold water could be arranged instead of the hot water…", he began, "Not to mention, I could add fun things to the water. Eels…jellyfish…snakes."
Shit !
"Let's try this.", he grinned, and the little vibrator was buzzing between my legs again…I cried out, and the cage began to tip backwards into the tank again.
"Have your orgasm underwater, slut.", he smirked at me wickedly as my head went under. I held my breath and tried to hang on as the vibrations worked deep inside of me…they were strong and very powerful. I felt my legs shaking as I opened my eyes and saw the dark blur of Master standing there beside my legs…moving the thin little toy up and down along my clitoris.
I felt my head thrash and make little splashes under the dark surface and I did make some internal sounds, holding my mouth closed, breathing out through my nose. My back arched up and I felt myself letting go…having a very satisfying orgasm.
"RRRRRRRR", I was able to sound under the water…then the buzzing stopped and I could feel his cool fingers playing with me, moving in and out of me as I blew a couple bubbles up above me.
About a half an hour later, I did break and tell him my locker combo. I had almost forgotten it myself when it was time to say it. Then Master let me lay in the cage, shivering in the cold as he read me some more rules of basketball. That was worse torment than the water.
Edward's POV :
This is impossible. I should just pack her things and have her sent home right now. All weekend I used water to torture her…and she enjoyed it. And she's proud of herself, that she almost drowned just the way I liked her to. She wants to please me…and she does…it's me that's the sick fuck.
I went to my house alone and trashed everything in sight, hating myself, hating the fact that Bella loves me…if James killed ME that would be fine, great, actually. I could die in peace, not that I deserved that. Then I could go burn in Hell for the rest of eternity. But now I have Bella. If I lose in the fight with James, she will suffer and certainly die, too. It's not just ME anymore. I am in the exact position I didn't ever want to be in again. I have a living mortal to protect and watch out for. Failing again was NOT an option.
It wasn't until I came upon the drawing I'd made of Esme, decades ago…that I fell to my knees and almost wept with shame.
You would be repulsed by what I am now, Esme. All of you. I'm a thousand times worse than James ever was and ever would be. I should just get myself away from every woman on earth and live on an island, drinking nothing but seagulls.
Please help me, I found myself begging her…but I knew I didn't even deserve help. No one gave any help to all the women and girls I had come across. No help was coming for me, either. And I knew it. I just wished it would end…now. If only Bella could get out of this unscathed…that would be my only wish. Why can't she see what I am and fall out of love with me ? It would save her life.
Bella POV:
If Mr. Cullen smiles at this bitch one more time, I swear to God…
Alexis, the new student, the deaf girl, is being extra cute today with Mr. Cullen. And he is just eating it up. Smiling at her, signing with her…even giving her a high five at one point when she scored a basket.
Bitch.
He hasn't even looked at me today. Is he doing it on purpose ? I'm getting so tired of these little mind games.
I was getting my ass kicked on the court up and down while he fawns all over her. I'm shocked he didn't applaud with his signing hands when she laced up her shoes.
"Swan, pay attention, there's a big basketball game going on.", his voice dryly called out to me as I chased down the throng of girls going to the other court.
I wasn't sure but I think I gave him a dirty look just now. I hope I did.
Jesus, now I know what the Fagan bitch was going through when I showed up. I hate this. I hate BEING this. But I can't help it. He looks so cute with her. He likes her I can tell. And he probably is doing her, along with the other 316 girls in this school. He just isn't telling me.
She touched his arm ! Right after he signed something to her that made her laugh after that last point was scored by her team. That's it. This bitch is going down.
I thought of what Master would do to me if I did anything to her. And I forgot that fantasy.
One of the other girls just body slammed me out of her way…her name is Stephanie, I think.
Mr. Cullen isn't even watching. No whistle blowing. He's talking to the little bitch again.
"Uh oh.", Stephanie smirked at me, "Looks like Mr. Cullen has a new flavor of the month."
"It was a good run.", another girl chimed in, holding the ball, "For someone with YOUR face and body."
I know Mr. Cullen can hear this. Before I knew it, I spun around and shoved the bitch in front of me and we were pulling each other's hair.
The whistle finally blew loudly and I let go of her right away, standing back. She did the same.
We knew we were both dead meat. Even if I could lie and not have him know it, he could read her tiny mind and he would know exactly what happened. I struck first, physically. I was dead.
His eyes bore right into me like evil little daggers as he approached us. The other girls standing around us, eager to see what was coming next.
"My office – now.", he seethed in a deadly voice, "The rest of you play ball. WITHOUT any fighting, please."
The next thing I knew the office door was being slammed behind us, he was right on our heels.
His eyes were burning into me as the Stephanie girl hung her head. Why didn't I do that ?
"Are you kidding me SWAN ?!", he shouted, his voice louder than I ever heard it, "How many fights are you going to have this year ?!"
Six more. That's what I wanted to say. Instead I said:
"I'm sorry…Mr. Cullen.", I muttered.
"What was this one about, as if I need to ask.", he fumed, looking at the other girl now, "Mills ! Eyes up."
She quickly brought her eyes up to his, trembling. God, is that what I look like when he gives me an order ?
"What's YOUR excuse ?", he asked, "Not enough shit come out of your mouth yet today ?!"
"I only said—", she began.
"I know EXACTLY what you said and you know it !", he shouted at her as tears came to her eyes.
"And I know what YOU did, Swan.", he shot at me next, "Little bitches talk shit all the time, that doesn't give you the right to dive on people !"
"Well, Mills, you wanted my attention, now you have it. You dumb bitch.", he said in a tone that I could only describe as serial killer.
He lowered his voice and said, "I should chain you two together and let you beat each other's brains out. Or to pleasure each other until you both faint."
Holy shit. God please no.
The wait for his next words was excruciating and long.
"Miss Swan…apologize to Miss Mills.", he demanded flatly.
I looked up at him as if he just asked me to eat shit. He glared at me with even more malice.
"I'm sorry…Miss Mills.", I blurted out.
"Mills, apologize to Miss Swan.", he gritted his teeth.
"I'm sorry, Miss Swan.", she said coldly.
"I'm touched.", he said snidely.
Another long pause went by.
"I will deal with each of you privately.", he decided at last, "God help you both. Get the fuck out of my sight."
Oh my God. Wasn't there any punishments the principal could give us ? I just went through a near death experience with Master doesn't that count ?
Fuck. He's really mad at me now. I went to the locker room in shame, alone, changing back into my uniform. He wasn't even around at the end of class when it was over. I felt really horrible. I wished I could've taken that back. But her words cut me deep. I saw Alexis in the locker room and steered clear of her completely.
The rest of the day I could only hear Mr. Cullen shouting at me, his face smiling so sweetly at the Alexis girl. When I got to gym for my detention, there was a note in all caps on his office door that read:
MR. CULLEN IS ON VACATION. DETENTIONS ARE CANCELLED.
Great. The worst punishment of all. None.
I walked around after school, the sky gray and dismal as my mood was. I had really fucked up. And he was right. I can't attack every girl who pisses me off. I have to start growing up. But I have this violent streak in me…it's vile and easily triggered. And when she said that about Mr. Cullen having a new flavor of the month…it hurt. It hurt real bad.
I didn't know exactly where I was going…but then suddenly I saw Alexis coming out of one of the dorms. Lilac House, it was. I never saw this place before. She walked out, a bag over her shoulder, hurrying somewhere. Going to see Mr. Cullen you little bitch ? Probably. He didn't even text me or anything.
I found myself going into the little house with lavender colored roof, as my house was done in green. There were a couple girls in the common room, writing something in their notebooks…homework probably. School just ended. Nerds.
No one stopped me as I went up the stairs. What am I doing ? As I looked around the bedrooms, I saw one room with the door open. A sticky note on the side wall said Alexis Grant.
Thank you, sticky note.
I went in.
Look at this room. She IS a rich girl, I heard myself thinking as I looked around in here. The walls were powder blue and her bed was a queen size, neatly made with black and white zebra striped comforter, cute little pillows on top of the main pillow, one of them white with a black letter A monogrammed into it.
White nightstand with a black zebra striped lamp on top, white desk in the corner, books and candy sitting on top. I almost snatched the milk duds and skittles sitting there but then I remembered the snickers and my hand froze in place, going then behind my back as I looked around some more.
Above the desk was a bulletin board. Pictures of her with other girls strewn across it. They had their arms over each other's shoulders and looked really happy with each other. A popular girl…one who everyone loves, probably because she's deaf. God my mind is so evil, thinking that.
Another picture on the board looks like her with an older black man…her father I guessed. No mother ?
Above the bed, near the ceiling, were two round orbs that probably served as night lights. It was a sweet little room. And the image of Mr. Cullen in here hanging out, laying in bed with her was everywhere…did he come in here at night and curl his arm around her neck as she slept ? I felt sick just thinking of it.
The drive to steal was growing and growing inside me now…wanting to hurt her in some tiny way in revenge for what she was stealing from me. It was insane, and I knew it. This girl didn't do anything to me. If she DID catch Mr. Cullen's eye it was no more her fault than it was mine when he noticed me.
I should get outta here, this is stupid. I just got in trouble at gym today, I didn't need more heat. But I couldn't go.
No. I had to know. A part of my mind was now thinking that if I went through her things, I'd find some evidence that he was training her now. Another part of me said, 'He wouldn't leave any evidence around.' And even if he did, he never promised not to train new girls. I'm not his wife.
But, still, I found myself opening white dresser drawers, carefully moving things and looking underneath underwear, clothes, at the bottom of the drawers trying to find her secrets.
Nothing there.
I went to other places where one would hide things. I slid my hand under her mattress, searching…I went into her desk…her nightstand, all without leaving any trace that it had been tampered with.
I kept my eye on the doorway, it was opened only a bit, and no one was out there. There was a school trunk under her bed and I pulled that out, feeling something good would be in here.
I opened it and did find some things. A love letter. AHA !
It read :
A –
I know that you can hear me when I say I love you.
I know that you can hear me when I play my music for you.
I fucking knew it. This is from Edward !
It went on to say:
I know you can hear me when I look into your eyes
And I know you can hear me when I say nothing at all.
I will always love you.
Five forevers from now…a million forevers from now.
No signature. Damn. No proof here. Mr. Cullen once joked that vampires don't write love poems to mortals. But that bit about the music. It had to be him. He never wrote me any damn letters.
A little black velvet box.
Hello.
I opened it and a very large and gorgeous necklace shone brilliantly up at me. It was an irish celtic knot, diamonds, it looked like. Irish. Mr. Cullen is Irish.
I closed the box and put it back where it was sitting. But the necklace went into my jacket pocket before I even realized I was doing it.
I put the trunk back under the bed and stood up, checking the doorway. Still empty, good.
But something was slowly moving in the corner of my eye and when I turned, I saw it was the opened closet door. It was moving on its own, as if it were closing a bit.
Behind it stood Dr. Carlisle. His face full of sadness and concern for me as our eyes met.
My mouth went dry and I stood there, frozen. I turned and began to run out of the room, to just get away from him. But as I got close to the door, another door was moving…a bathroom door (yes she has her own bathroom)…it was closing on its own too….and there stood Mr. Cullen, blocking my exit.
His eyes were not sad or full of concern. His gaze stilled my blood. Two pure black orbs full of betrayal and anger, in a very dormant state…but just waiting to erupt.
Now, he closed the door to get out of the room and crossed his arms, staring down at me like I was a trapped mouse.
"Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle spoke and I jumped because I almost forgot he was here too. I was too focused on Satan being here, catching me red handed.
"It's alright.", he said calmly, taking a small step towards me, 'You're among friends here."
Mr. Cullen scoffed at that remark and my heart felt as if it cracked in half.
I felt tears fill my eyes as I looked at him, wanting to say so much…unable to say it because Dr. Carlisle was here.
Mr. Cullen didn't say a word but he took two steps towards me and moved my arm out of his way, reaching into my pocket and retrieving the necklace, holding the chain between two fingers, holding it right before my nose.
His eyes looked down at me with so much disappointment, cold disappointment that I almost felt like he tore my heart out of my chest instead of the necklace out of my pocket.
He stared at me, letting me keep feeling that.
Then he tossed the necklace to Dr. Carlisle and he caught it.
"I'm sorry, Doctor.", Mr. Cullen's voice was so ice cold as he spoke, "You were right. And I was wrong."
Why doesn't he just shoot me instead ? It would hurt less.
"It wasn't wrong to have faith in Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle said, looking at the necklace, still worried about me.
Mr. Cullen scoffed again, "Of course it was."
I felt like someone had stolen my voice box, it was frozen with horror.
"Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle did not come any closer, "This is not your fault. You need help and that's why I'm here."
Mr. Cullen just kept staring at me, with that evil look. I'm fucking dead and I knew it. Anything Dr. Carlisle would do is nothing compared to what Mr. Cullen would be doing to me.
"Don't sugarcoat it, Carlisle.", Mr. Cullen said, "She broke the rules, she broke the LAW and she deserves to pay the price."
I felt a tear escape my eye and fall down my face and I quickly moved it away with my sleeve.
He just kept looking at me with that look…I couldn't describe it. Fierce. Like I just got caught in bed with another man or something.
"This is not about punishment.", Dr. Carlisle took another step towards me and I turned, watching him, nervous suddenly.
But Mr. Cullen's eyes said different and I didn't need to hear it to see what he was thinking as he gave me an eyebrow raise. Fuck I AM dead.
"It seems that every girl in our gym class has reported things missing.", Mr. Cullen spoke right to me now, his head tilted, "All but you, Swan. And Hale. But now we know she's innocent. "
"Why don't we go to my office, Miss Swan ?", Dr. Carlisle suggested warmly.
But Mr. Cullen wasn't having any of that.
"They're searching your room as we speak.", he informed, his eyes squinting a bit, "Any idea what they're gonna find, Miss Swan ?"
Oh fuck ! I thanked God that my journal for Master was in his possession not mine. I racked my brain to think if I wrote anything about him in any other book of mine in my room. All my notes on his journal entry about his human life…FUCK !
"It's a real invasion of privacy, isn't it ?", he further asked, "To have someone go through your UNDERWEAR drawer looking for something worth stealing ?"
I yelped and jumped back when he raised his voice to me in that one word. He was super pissed. Twice in one day…shit.
I was as good as in Charlie's hands right now. But worse, I hated the way I felt as Mr. Cullen kept glaring at me. He looked like a stranger to me, as if it were day one of class again.
Suddenly, my voice jumped over the barrier of terror and I spoke.
"I'm sorry.", I began meekly, "I did it. And I deserve to be punished."
That's all I could croak out without crying.
"We don't care, we know, and you will be.", Mr. Cullen snapped back, his voice so detached, like a stranger.
"Mr. Cullen.", Dr. Carlisle regarded him with a scolding tone, "This is not the way."
"Is that right, Miss Swan ?", Mr. Cullen asked me, his voice newly terrifying and quiet now, "Is that NOT the way ?"
"I will do anything…", I spoke to Master right now, "To make it right. I'm SO sorry."
I wanted to say SO FUCKING sorry but I didn't want to break my no cursing rule on top of everything else.
Nothing could hurt worse than the way he keeps looking at me. Like that he trusted me…and I let him down. I lied to him. I snuck around behind his back. It was all there in his eyes. I felt like shit. Would he use this as an excuse to end things with me ? I know that he thinks I'd be safer and better off without him…this would be perfect for him if he really wants to get rid of me.
"Let's go to my office, shall we ?", Dr. Carlisle gently came closer as Mr. Cullen took two steps backwards from me to allow me to exit. The look was still there and I hated it.
He put a hand out, motioning for me to go ahead of him, followed by Dr. Carlisle. A bunch of girls were out in the hallway, watching, talking. Alexis wasn't there and I was glad about that.
"Excuse us, ladies.", Dr. Carlisle walked next to me, not trying to touch or grab me.
I could hear Mr. Cullen's footsteps behind us, slow and heavy.
Fuck this is my nightmare coming true, I thought as we kept walking to Dr. Carlisle's office. Mr. Cullen came in too, and stood there, closing the door as Dr. Carlisle said, "Have a seat, Miss Swan."
I peeked at Mr. Cullen and sat down, wondering in the back of my head if this wasn't being done on purpose, to give me my fantasy of Mr. Cullen and Dr. Carlisle...but the more I looked at Mr. Cullen's face the more I knew that wasn't it.
I sat there, wondering what would happen to me at Dr. Carlisle's hands. I knew I was dead shit when Mr. Cullen got me alone but I wasn't sure of the punishments of the school.
In minutes, someone brought a bag to the door and Mr. Cullen took it.
He came over and dumped it out in one pile on Dr. Carlisle's desk. That was so untidy of him. Yea, he's pissed. He let the paper bag fall in a crumpled heap beside the items.
There was a bracelet with a ruby stone in it, a perfume bottle, a ring, a pin…and some other things. I recognized them all. I had taken them from those fucking girls who had been torturing me all year in gym class. I would never sell the stuff or steal for money…this was mostly about revenge. Something I firmly believed in.
Then I recalled the line from Edward's journal : revenge is no way to live.
I didn't even have to examine the things as Carlisle took each item and laid it out on the desk, writing down what each thing was. Is he filling out a police report ?
Mr. Cullen now stood beside Dr. Carlisle but back against the wall, his arms crossed but as I looked at him, he flexed his fingers out under his arm, his fist becoming spread out fingers, as if he was itching to do something with them…he made sure I saw that…and he folded his fingers back into a fist again.
I swallowed twice before anything went down.
Mr. Cullen should be a cop, he's brilliant at it. I felt like even the most hardened serial killer would spill his guts right now.
"Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle asked, "Did you take these things ?"
Mr. Cullen rolled his eyes up at the ceiling, so anxious for the doctor be to done with me so he could have his turn.
"Yes.", I stated blankly.
"Why ?", he asked.
"It doesn't matter.", I shrugged, "I did it and that's it. I'll take whatever punishment you want. "
Mr. Cullen now cut in like a knife.
"How about expulsion ?", he suggested, his eyes and tone flat and icy.
I looked at him and panicked inside. I didn't know that was an option!
"You can go back to Forks tonight.", he stabbed with his words, "You can pack the things that belong to you right now."
I started to have a little panic attack and my breathing started to speed up. This is it. Oh my God. He IS going to get rid of me right now. The thought of calling Charlie to come and pick me up made me feel like I wanted to vomit.
"Mr. Cullen.", Dr. Carlisle glanced at him, annoyedly, "This is a school for girls who are having a hard time, expulsion is not the answer. We're here to help."
"Oh yea.", Mr. Cullen said, "I forgot. We understand. We care. Blah blah blah…"
Fuck he is really angry with me.
"Mr. Cullen.", he warned him again with his strict tone.
I almost groveled and begged not to be sent home, saying I didn't mean it and I was going to give the things back. But it was a lie and I didn't want to lie to Mr. Cullen. Well, not anymore than I already had. The shame I felt was unbelievable.
"Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle began tenderly, "You seem willing to face the consequences and that's admirable. There looks to be seven girls who were involved here. So, you will first make amends to these girls. You will apologize, and return the item you took, and them for each of them you will do their chores for a whole day each. You will get to know them for a day and maybe you'll see that they are not your enemy. You DO need to socialize more. Your house mother says you are alone all the time, with the exception of Miss Hale."
Mr. Cullen's voice was filled with injustice.
"Is that it ?", he asked, wanting more.
Dr. Carlisle turned to Mr. Cullen again, shooting him a look. I almost laughed because in reality Mr. Cullen could tear Carlisle's arms off right now if he wanted to. But somehow Mr. Cullen was letting Dr. Carlisle run the show here.
"No that's not all.", Dr. Carlisle cleared his throat, "You will have no privileges for a month, no dances, no mixers, you're grounded, no weekend trips. And…"
None of this was too terrible for me. I would be locked in a fucking coffin for the next month on my weekends anyway I was sure of that.
"Tell her.", Mr. Cullen pushed verbally, staring at me as if his eyes could burn me.
"Your dog.", Dr. Carlisle said, not enjoying this, "It will be given to Alexis Grant."
I felt like an arrow just went through my soul.
TANK !
At first no air came out of my chest…Mr. Cullen just watched me, his lips tight and straight as the consequences came crashing down over me.
"Tank ?", I began, sitting up a bit, "No…wait."
"Pets are a privilege and I can't allow you to keep him.", Dr. Carlisle informed sadly, "I'm sorry Miss Swan."
I kept seeing Tank's little face and bugged out little eyes and I could feel his tongue licking me right now. I felt sick inside thinking I would never feel it again.
"I'll pay for everything. Twice !", I promised with no way to actually do it, "I'll do the punishments just please…don't take my dog."
Oh God, I've become Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz !
"Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle began and Mr. Cullen just stood there like a statue.
I got to my feet, the chair falling behind me as I raised my voice.
"He won't GO with anyone else, he knows ME !", I shouted, first at Dr. Carlisle then to Mr. Cullen, "You KNOW that !"
"This is why I'm here.", Mr. Cullen said to Dr. Carlisle, coming towards me, and said, "Miss Swan, if you don't calm down Dr. Carlisle has the right to sedate you. Now I KNOW you don't want that."
His hand was on my shoulder and he eased me back into the chair that he put back in place behind me.
"It hurts when someone steals what's yours, doesn't it, Miss Swan ?", Mr. Cullen said from above my head, the sarcasm thick and cruel.
I kept seeing my baby's little face and imagined him crying when they gave him to that-Alexis girl.
Shit I can't even curse in my own mind anymore.
"Can I say goodbye to him ?", I felt tears on my face.
"He's already gone.", Mr. Cullen stated with a finality in his voice.
I broke down and felt a sob come out of my throat. I was so humiliated doing this in front of the two of them. But I felt like I just lost a child of mine.
I also found out that my 4pm detentions would now be spent with Dr. Carlisle instead of Mr. Cullen and that also hurt me. He was going to give me private therapy from 4-6pm every day to "help" me. Mr. Cullen raised a brow at me again as if to say, 'See what you did?'
I would start being the servant to Miss Fagan tomorrow and that was just another bonus. I looked at Mr. Cullen and he smiled at that bit of information. I wondered if he was the one to suggest Miss Fagan be the first to get her hands on me.
I could only imagine what he would say to me when we were alone. He was really going to hurt me. And I knew I deserved it.
I just took it and didn't say anything more. Dr. Carlisle put the items in the bag and handed it to me.
"You will go tonight to each girl and give them their belongings, and apologize to them.", Dr. Carlisle stated firmly, "Then return to your room and pack your things."
Mr. Cullen looked taken aback by this statement. He looked at Dr. Carlisle a bit nervously.
"I'm kicked out ?", I squeaked, feeling my whole chest constrict.
"No.", he answered, "But you will be reassigned to a room with other girls. It's not healthy for you to be alone all the time. That attic you're in isn't even a real bedroom."
Mr. Cullen seemed to relax now, muttering something under his breath that I couldn't hear.
"Fine.", I said, not fighting it. It was better than leaving school…and Mr. Cullen. I've probably lost Mr. Cullen too now. What did it matter what room I would be in ?
"Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle said, then added, "Are you alright ? Do you feel as if you might hurt yourself ?"
Mr. Cullen stared at me, his lips slightly upturned at the sides. As if he would be the one to handle that. It wasn't a smile for me and I knew that.
"No, Dr. Carlisle.", I stated clearly, "I won't hurt myself. And again, I'm really sorry for everything."
"I understand, Miss Swan.", Dr. Carlisle sounded as if he really meant that, not blaming me at all.
Mr. Cullen clenched his jaw as I peeked up at him.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen.", I dared to say to him.
He did not answer me. He just torched me with his eyes.
It was the worse reply I could've gotten. Nothing.
I left and closed the door behind me. I could hear their voices and was tempted to listen and linger there a minute but I knew Mr. Cullen would know it.
I took the bag of crap and got right to my task. I went to all their houses, going to their rooms, and confessed my crime and returned their shit. I got a lot of great feedback from each of them, not one of them was cool about it. Well duh I stole from them. I'd be pissed too. I gave them my apology and let them abuse me verbally…only Miss Fagan was nice to me.
She said she forgave me and that there were no hard feelings. She even said that she would like to be friends with me ! And that she would be easy on me for my day of slavery to her. I didn't believe her but it was cool of her anyway. I guess. What did Mr. Cullen do to her ? What would he do to me ?
When I was done, it was dark outside and I began to pack my crap. It didn't take long. As I sat there, I played with Tank's little mouse toy. And I cried. Fuck how I cried. It was horrible and at the same time, cleansing. I was glad I could still do it. I felt so hard most of the time. That girl better treat my baby right or I'll murder her.
I waited and waited, wondering when or if Mr. Cullen would show up before I was moved out.
He didn't. No text either.
I almost texted him but stopped myself. He hates me. I hate me.
He's probably with Alexis right now, playing with my Tank, telling her what a rat dog he is. Telling her what a loser I am. All in his perfect sign language I'm sure.
They sent another student up here to tell me where to go. All she knew was that my room was being transferred.
"You're in Rosebud House now.", she said, making a face, "Good luck."
What's wrong with Rosebud House ? Or is it me she was making the face at ?
I went there, using my map, and it looked the same except the theme here was red instead of green. Red rooftops, red stairs, red furniture. The common room TV was playing Dexter ! Hey ! Maybe there's hope after all !
The girls were sitting there, eating popcorn, and talking. One of them had a very cool haircut, half the black hair in her face, the other half shaved close to her head. That's all I could see before I was taken up the stairs to my new room. I didn't care about much right now…I was a hollow shell.
The walls were done in a white subway tile design and the rug was gray. On one side, the bed was covered with a black comforter with a white scroll pattern on it. Cool. That wasn't my bed. On that side of the wall were posters. Freddy Mercury, David Bowie…Eminem ! I approved.
There was a black rug next to the bed that said Keep Calm and Sleep In.
I found myself smiling weakly. I could hang with this girl. Too bad I'm dead.
My side of the room had bare walls and the mattress was clean and white. A red blanket was folded and waiting there with white pillowcase and sheet. I felt so empty that I didn't even bother to make the frigging bed. I just laid down with the dog toy in my hand and turned off the lights, wanting to die there.
I wondered where Tank was. Well, I know where he is. Is he crying ? Does he want me ? Worse, is he happy without me ? Happier with her ?
Then I thought of Mr. Cullen and saw his face today in my mind. I almost died when he moved that door and was behind it. I couldn't stop seeing it. I buried my face in the bare pillow and just sobbed until I drifted off, too tired to keep going.
It was only about 8 o clock at night but I didn't care. I did wake up at one point in the middle of the night, looking for my phone. 3:21am. He's not coming. He won't come either. I set my alarm and peeked around me, seeing someone asleep in the other bed over there. I couldn't make anything out about her. I ached inside that Mr. Cullen could no longer sneak in here and be with me anymore. And I started to cry again, burying my face in my pillow so the other girl wouldn't hear me.
It was 5:34 am when my phone buzzed. I rolled over and grabbed, it, looking.
Get your ass outside. I'll find you.
Fuck.
END OF CHAPTER 41