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never 'home' without you
all alone without you
baby, I'm on my way home
babe, i'm comin' home
just wait, i'll be at your door soon
you won't ever be alone
if i'm late, i'll be lying at your side
when you wake up
uphill and downhill
time to take off our old shoes
footprints and the beaten paths
we leave here in shoeboxes
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shoebox - EPIK HIGH
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[LIFELINES]
EPILOGUE
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Wincing, I walk barefooted down the warm, rubbled footpath. In conjunction with each movement I take, I can hear my bones creak like rotting, timbre floorboards.
I'm too old for this. I'm deteriorating.
Every single one of my muscles are crying out, punishing me for inflicting pain on this expired thirty-seven year old body. If I were to minus a decade, this tour would have been nothing for me. I would have handled it with ease. I would have been erratic, hyped and invigorated. Adrenaline would be pumping excitedly in my veins, and I would have gotten wasted every night. It was a norm for me - I would have survived. Unfortunately, the 'me' now has not been coping with the change in routine.
'47 Prefectures? Yeah, let's do that!'
My own words echo in my mind, tormenting me for actually agreeing to Satou-san's idea without a second thought. How the hell had I been so enthusiastic? It sounded fine at that time – with that 'time' being half a year ago. I thought the tour would be achievable. However, now my body is not forgiving me and I'm paying the toll for causing it strife.
Yesterday marked the last day of the KOD reunion tour. Akira, Yutaka, Takashi (yeah, Takashi) and I had gone to each prefecture to perform. I had a great time performing with them again. I hadn't realised how much I missed performing in a band, and how we innately relied on each other. There's something magical about being able to sing and play an instrument, with other people adding their spice and talent to the mix. That, and well, my band members have always been talented and had a natural knack. They're all great musicians – but don't ever tell them that (especially Akira).
We had been on the tour bus for half a year, touring all over Japan – like the good ol' days. Surviving the tour bus was a feat in itself, and thinking about even sharing the same toilet with the boys for this long makes me shudder – especially when Akira's a machine and seems to enjoy not cleaning the toilet after he'd pass his load. Again, I don't know how I survived this in my early twenties.
I'm just glad that it's finally over – and now I'll have to deal with recovering from the repercussions.
The last place we've toured is Shimane. It was purposely planned to end the KOD tour in my grandparents' city. It hadn't actually been planned for the band itself, but because Taichi and Mimi were going to have their delayed wedding ceremony in front of close friends and family. Knowing that my band would be momentarily together, they had requested that we'd be in charge of their ceremony music when they renewed their vows.
Since Shimane is one of the prefectures famous for its hot spring culture, it had been one of the prefectures on the lists that Mimi had written. Because Mimi had never been the Shimane, Taichi thought it would be a good idea to host the ceremony there. And, after some brainstorming, Taichi had consulted with me to help organise and rent out my grandparents' onsen for their ceremony.
For once, I am thankful for Taichi.
Dunking myself into an onsen right after a tour is exactly what I needed.
A hiss disperses from my lips, dunking all my nudity into the pool. Scorching onsen water rushes around me, enveloping my entirety. Lethargy escapes me. Already, a layer of perspiration is accumulating on my forehead. Steam rises and I exhale. I wipe the sweat off my face, folding the towel into a small rectangle and placing it on top of my head.
Ah, this is the life…
My grandparents gave the suite to myself and, naturally, Taichi and Mimi kept the largest and most expensive room in the ryokan. However, I think I received the better deal considering my private onsen is much bigger than theirs. That, and well, I tend to stay in this room whenever I visit because it had once belonged to my father.
As much as I love my band members, it's great to have my own space after being stuck with them 24/7 for half of the year.
I close my eyes, hearing the humming of cicadas, the sound of trickling water and those flowery oil scents that are associated with spas and 'calming' places. If this isn't heaven, I don't know what is? The thought leaves me. No, this really isn't. Every box has been ticked, but my family isn't here…
Sora.
I bring my chin down, lowering my face down into the water. Until my mouth is in deep enough, I blow bubbles out in irritation.
Sora would love it here. Oh damn...I was meant to call her before I had hopped into the onsen. She should have landed in Tokyo by now. The wedding is in two days, but I wish she'd get here already…
Although my eyes are closed, I suddenly see red glowing behind my eyelids. The sounds of flickering static confirms my assumptions. My grandparents must have automated the outdoor onsen lamp posts to turn on after a certain time.
I open my eyes.
The atmosphere is almost like I'm in a dreamscape.
The dim, yellow light hazes over the hot springs. A couple of cherry blossom trees surround the onsen. It's past full bloom. Most of the branches are bare. However, the outside area still looks beautiful. I mean, when the ground consisting of moss and stone is blanketed in pink petals, what else would you think? There are even a handful of pink petals that are floating on the water's surface. It's so surreal, and picturesque. Perhaps I had been so preoccupied getting into the onsen, I hadn't paid attention to my surroundings properly.
I push my back more firmly against the stone wall, swinging my legs upwards into a sitting position. My head is just above the water, and I let out a sigh, knowing that I have enough space to stretch my legs out.
After shifting to a more comfortable position, my gaze lifts and a gasp gets stuck in my throat.
"Sora?"
Is this real? No, it can't be real. She said she'd be in Shimane tomorrow afternoon. Not now? She wouldn't have been able to catch the train to get here in time. She's not here. She can't be? Or can she?
I blink. Am I seeing things? But she's not disappearing? This has got to be a joke!
She's only wearing a white towel. The towel is wrapped around her body, showing off her curves, and not leaving much to my imagination. Then again, even if the towel was wrapped loosely around her, I'd know my woman's curves any day. I've already memorised them.
But seeing her here. Being in the same vicinity. Breathing the same air.
My throat dries up, my chest tightens just from looking at her. Being away from her had been fatiguing, but seeing her right before me has made me realise how much I've actually missed her. And by how much - I mean a lot. How long has it been?
I almost stand up, wanting to rush across to her.
She gestures for me to stay put. A dozen of questions are on the tip of my tongue. As I'm about to flood her with all my thoughts, it's then that she chooses to be extra. Sora removes the towel, making a scene of it all. She discards it, hanging it over a nearby rock. As I try to drink in the view, her toned body sinks into the hot water.
Ripples of small waves crash against me, gravitating towards where she is. My arms grab her waist, ridding the unnecessary space between us.
She raises an eyebrow at me, whispering, "Miss me that much?"
"More than that. It hasn't been the same," I admit, not choosing to hide the fact. There's no point lying about it. I've missed her like crazy, and the expression her face tells me that she's missed me too.
Her eyes glisten in the dim lighting. She returns the embrace, holding onto me tighter and staring up at me.
"I know. It's weird separating after how long we're used to being around each other. The time apart, all I was thinking about was jumping onto a plane to be with you. If I wasn't working, I would have even volunteered to be a groupie so that I could stalk you all around the forty-seven prefectures. Would you have fancied that?"
"I would have loved that." I let out a low chuckle. "You would have made a hot groupie, Sora. I'd bang you."
She skids her right palm over the surface of the water, splashing me in the face. I wipe my face with the back of my wrist, grinning foolishly at her. She smiles, minimising the space between us again. I sigh, kissing her neck.
I've missed this; I've missed her.
It's incomparable. Although we had made it work (and had not separated), it didn't make up for the lost time we had accumulated. Amongst the crazy time differences, Sora and I had gone through a series of daily Facetimes and texts...but it did not make up for her being physically with me. Nothing could replace the feeling of having her in my arms - like now.
"Don't leave any hickeys," Sora scolds me. "They won't look good in the wedding photos."
"Oh, you think? I reckon they'd look great." I cheekily apply more pressure onto her neck. She tugs away slightly from my grasp, pouting at me. I smirk back at her. "Thank God you're back though."
"It's good to be back in Japan." Sora smiles. "It's also good to see your grandparents again. They gave me access to your room."
"Of course they did."
Ever since I had introduced my grandparents to Sora, they had heavily doted on her. Because they never charge us for staying at their ryokan, during one visit Sora had decided to wake up early and fill each guest room with ikebana decorations. My grandparents had adored all of Sora's little intricate touches, complimenting her talent. Sora doted on them too. She'd always encourage me to make time for us to see them. At first I had thought it was because Sora loved her onsens - but she later told me that she wanted me to treasure spending time with them because she had lost her grandparents when she was a kid, and she had regretted not seeing them often. And, I don't know...it did kinda hit me hard. It made me think of dad - how I could have done more, how I could have been with him more.
"Your grandparents love me."
"I know they do. I was so close to calling security for letting a stranger into the premises." I add, "Not that I mind being jumped by you."
"Please." She rolls her eyes.
Maybe that's why Sora and I work well. We're both used to working, doing our own thing by ourselves...and we let each other do it. We encourage each other to take opportunities. It was only fitting that the tour suggestion was announced a week after Sora had told me she'd be going to France. We had compromised and made arrangements to ensure that it worked for the both of us. If it had been anybody else, I don't think it would have been possible.
While I had been preoccupied with the tour, Sora had gone overseas to promote her new label. I don't know how she does it. Maybe they're right when they say that women have a knack for multi-tasking. If I were in her shoes, I know I wouldn't have survived.
Although Sora's made a name for herself locally in the interior world, it hadn't stopped her from her other hobbies and side projects. She helped out with her parents' florist on the weekend, and played tennis a minimum of twice a week. When she felt like being particularly mean, she'd make me play tennis with her. What I soon found out was that she had a talent for sewing too. Prior to us dating, she had lived in Spain and had worked at an alteration store.
From working at a florist when she was a teen, having experience in altering clothing, and already thriving in the interior design industry...all these experiences ended up combining together to make one big project. And that one big project that Sora's invested in happens to be designing yukatas.
As yukakas were a traditional thing in Japan, Sora envisioned expanding it beyond the borders. Sora wanted to make yukakas an international fashion statement. And once the screws were turning in her mind, Sora was unstoppable. She went design deranged.
She'd easily whip up fifty floral designs per night. There were moments I had to literally drag her to bed.
But I don't know...I also found it attractive to. How passionate she felt about design was how passionate I felt for music. I can't even picture myself in another career because I've always seen myself in music regardless of whatever pathway I'd take. The same must have gone for her - Sora was a natural at art and being hella creative.
Anyway, Sora picked France as the first country to expand in. If she got her foot into the France market, she'd be able to branch her designs elsewhere. As Sora does not speak much French, my mother had offered to fly to France to help her out. Let me tell you, it's scary how well my mother and Sora get along. Together, they make quite the formidable pair. Sometimes I think my mother cares more about Sora than myself or Takeru.
"-she'll get here tomorrow," Sora fills me in when I ask about my mother's whereabouts. "I wanted to surprise you. Besides, I decided to take the safer option and arrive early in case Mimi needs a hand with last minute adjustments to her wedding yukata."
"Because we all know what an expert you are at at yukatas," I comment. She lightly hits my shoulder. I ignore her, my lips grazing against her cheek."You've worked hard. I scrolled through one of the French media sites yesterday. You're getting recognised, Sora."
She smiles, eyelashes lowering in light embarrassment. It's not often she's this shy around me, which means she's really happy about how her work has progressed.
I kiss her on the lips and soon she finally returns the favour. Her tongue delves into my mouth. I kiss her harder and she lets out a gasp. I feel her arms drape around my neck, and soon her legs follow, wrapping them loosely around my torso. I let out a groan when she presses her body against mine. She exhales when I enter her. It doesn't take us long to cave into our desires. I feel her exhale when I enter her. We're a dishevelled, panting, frenzy of a mess by the end of it.
When we're spent and completely satiated, we somehow climb out of the onsen. We scrub up and under the showerhead and after drying ourselves up, we head back inside to the bedroom.
The lights are dim. The futons are spread out on the floor. When I observe that there's a tiny lump in between the two futons, my heart suddenly feels full.
There is one other person I've been missing as much as Sora...
I drop on the side of one of the soft futons, turning my body to pivot towards the little being. He's breathing, the futon lifting up and down after each sleepy breath he takes. His eyes are closed, the tips of his long eyelashes curl upwards. He's hugging a furry, caramel Teddy bear.
Arching an eyebrow, I speak, "Did you really have to buy him another one?"
"But look closer." Sora's squatting down next to me, pointing at some special feature that, apparently, makes this bear different from the millions she already owns.
I squint my eyes, letting out a snort when I note that the teddy bear's paws are grasping onto this plastic, red electric guitar. "Fine...maybe it's cute. At least this bear has taste, but I thought we'd agreed that you wouldn't buy him anymore? You complain that I spoil him, and now look at what you're doing! Hiroaki-kun doesn't need another when we already have a room full of those hideous creatures."
"Teddy bears are not hideous," Sora retaliates. "Anyway, I only allowed it because he said that he missed you. He actually picked it when we passed by a toy store in Paris. He wouldn't stop crying until I bought the bear."
"I didn't know he was this obsessed with bears as you were…"
"No, he wanted it because of the guitar." She smiles at me. "He said it reminds him of your guitar and he was frightened he'd forget you."
I melt at the thought. "Sorry, my boy. I've missed you too."
Leaning forward, I kiss my son on his forehead. Sora shifts next to me, arms embracing me as we both stare at our son together.
"Let's not do that again. And if I'm gone for over two weeks, you need to fly over to visit me. Agree?" She glances back at me, poking me on the side.
"Let's," I agree with her, despite not needing much convincing. "At least I won't have a tour stopping me the next time. I'll fully support your cause instead . You could always be the primary income owner for our small family-"
"As if," Sora replies. "I'm not doing all the work by myself."
I yawn. "You said you didn't want to be shackled into being a housewife. I'd gladly take your place if you earn our family money."
"Stop being ridiculous."
We're back to being together as a family again.
I smile, twirling a finger around a strand of my son's hair. His hair is a shiny, chocolate brown. I'm guessing genetics likes to tone things down if the parents are polar opposites. My son doesn't take after Sora or my hair. While my hair is a dirty blond, Sora's hair is naturally black. For as long as I've known her, she's been dying her hair auburn. It's only when I catch her jet-black regrowth, I'm reminded that she's not actually a redhead.
I never fail to tease her about it too. I've lost count how many times Sora would send me withering looks whenever I'd call her a redhead. She hates it; I find it hilarious. It's not that I hate her auburn hair, I just like witnessing her get worked up over nothing. Yeah, I'm horrible.
Even though we're a family now, pre tour...I've been thinking thoughts. Maybe it's because we've been together for so long, maybe because I've caught her sneaking glances at rings at jewellery stores, maybe because I see myself with nobody else but her…
The thought of marriage had been a taboo topic for a while. Sora and I had addressed it earlier. We had wanted to hold the thought off. Being together was enough. I eventually told her the reason being (asides from Kaori) was because of my parents' divorce. Sora had only let out a sigh of relief, saying that she shared the same sentiments in regards to commitment. Sora had her own fears about marriage - especially when she had gotten cold feet with Sebastian.
Sora sometimes says that she had wished she had broken up with Sebastian earlier - prior to her failed wedding planning. She said she still gets nightmares to this day about how many things she had to cancel. I'm just thankful that she never went ahead with marrying Sebastian in Spain...because if she had - I would have never met her.
Anyway, Sora and I had come to the mutual decision to only think about getting married when we were one hundred percent sure. My mother, her parents, our friends...they'd continuously tease and hint that we get hitched - but we kept true to our words. We would get married when we were ready.
Then our son happened.
Instead of only worrying and caring about our relationship - our son became the main priority.
I had been fearful at first when Sora had told me she was pregnant - not that I hadn't wanted our son...but I was more anxious that she hadn't wanted a baby. Instead of bouncing up and down, she had been scared because she was worried that she didn't have the 'maternity' skills. I had laughed at her then (more in relief because I was scared she didn't want a baby). I reassured her and had listed all the children she and I had babysat over the years. Most of our weekend dates ended up babysitting my brother or our friends' children.
And then, to this day, it was one of my favourite moments...when it dawned to us that we were going to actually have our own kid. Not our friends' children to take care of - but our own. The fear and anxiety immediately disappeared, and I found myself dancing along with her in the studio room. It's then that I realised that one of my favourite sounds was not a song I composed - but her laughter. Sora's laughter. It's then I knew that I couldn't let go of her.
I had thought that over the years, I might lose feelings for her. Instead, it backfired. Each year that would pass with further cement and confirm that I can't see myself with anybody else but Sora.
"Yamato?"
She says my name, knowing I've spaced out longer than usual. Her eyebrows are furrowed in concern. Just from the look on her face, I know that she's now assessing my mental state. I don't blame her. Sometimes I can drift in and out again - it's not severe as it used to be.
Because I know that I can't be completely cured from this. It's unwanted extra luggage, but it's a part of me. I feel more than others, I interpret the world differently. It had taken me over thirty years to realise and come to peace with this. Happiness is never constant. We are often faced with setbacks and it's how we cope with them is what makes us human.
Sora asks me, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I smile. "I'm happy we're together again."
Our gazes drop down to our son. She simpers brightly at me and I feel a heavy warmness in my heart. Happiness is never constant; but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy being happy.
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.
Everything is going according to plan.
The people I care about are here. It makes life handy that Taichi and Mimi have the same circle of friends as I do. It's also handy that the couple chose not to have a Bridal Party, which meant I did not have to do any mundane speech or freak out about stumbling over my own shoes. I didn't have to stress about where to stand, and what to do…
Well, I've already been designated a role for the ceremony anyway.
I'm up on stage with KOD. We're technically on the side of it, performing some background music as we wait for the main couple to take centre stage. Although I had toured with the members for half a year, this is a different performance. Instead of entertaining a large number of people in a big venue, we're performing in a small, intimate space in my grandparents' ryokan. For once, we're not performing in front of our fans, but in front of people we actually know.
As I sing, I catch Miho sending a wink at me. She's sitting closest to the band. Her arm is linked around the current guy she is dating - Iori. He's a decent guy. I was initially worried about him dating her at first, but when I was introduced to him and observed that the guy had not a single bad bone in his body, I let that worry slide away. And, not to mention, he's got the brain smarts too - being a lawyer and all. At least he wasn't after Miho's money.
Ever since Miho's theatre debut, she had received many offers - both in musical productions and song collaborations. Miho had been too focused on work and had grown up too quickly for my liking - at least with Iori, she could destress and have a good time with him.
Miho-chan's not close to Taichi, but I had convinced him to invite her. She was invited because she was my step in whenever I needed a break from singing. That, and well, my voice did not suit some of the songs that Mimi selected as they were designed for female vocalists. Additionally, my throat hasn't been in its best condition because of the tour. With Miho taking over some songs, I thankfully won't be straining my voice too much. She's also here in case Takashi burns out. Yes, you heard that right - Takashi has been with us throughout the whole tour. We had hired a spare guitarist for the tour, but not for the ceremony - which was why Miho's role here is vital.
For most of the tour, apart from two gigs, Takashi had done a great job. His recovery had taken longer because he had been on drugs for a longer period than I. He had more relapses. He had his up moments and his down moments. I could relate to him. People all suffer and go through various things in life, but just because one person seems to have gone through something worse doesn't mean that what they are feeling isn't valid. We all have different pain thresholds. It's acknowledging the situation, how badly it affects you and how you tolerate and approach the matter.
Even though I may be at a better head space mentally, I'm still haunted every now and again. I'm far from perfect...but with some experience and being familiar with the internal battles of the mind - I understood Takashi. Whenever his mood would swing, I'd go over to his place and hash out a jam session with him. Sometimes the other members would join too, but since I was the closest to his home - it was usually me. That, and well...we 'got' each other compared to the other KOD members.
There were moments on tour when I'd get tear up. Being able to perform with my friends meant the world to me. I had never thought it would happen again - but it did. If you had told me in rehab that I'd be back on stage with my KOD boys, I would have laughed at you. Seeing Takashi back in his element is truly a miracle.
And it's not only being on stage with Takashi - it's the other band members too. Hearing Akira go batshit crazy whenever he'd drum a beat, watching Yutaka's fingers fluidly play the keyboard...it made me remember how well our band complemented each other. We never needed words when we played music together. Whenever we are present together, we are unstoppable.
From across the function room, Hikari signals us the OK.
I rest my own guitar on its stand. From the side of my side vision, I notice that Takashi's already switched his guitar to an acoustic. I turn my head to the centre of the stage, and notice that Taichi has materialised there, sharp donned in a suit and tie. His hair is gelled to the side, for once not unkempt and flying all over the place. He's pacing back and forth the stage, tugging at his collar - a habit of his that does when he's extremely nervous. Beats me why he is when he technically is married.
His brown eyes meet mine and I give him an encouraging nod. His body is rigid, but he returns a smile at me. I take this as my cue to start. I gesture to Yukata, and he begins his part. The pianist's fingers immediately drift across the keyboard, dispersing a beautiful melody from the series of notes.
When the acoustic guitar joins, the large doors are pulled open.
Two girls prance inside.
They're arm-in-arm, appearing both identical in their matching pastel-pink dresses, and their physical features. Both are carrying a basket, sprinkling white and pink petals down the aisle they are walking on. From what I heard these two six-year olds, Tayumi and Mayu, are the real reason why Taichi and Mimi had wanted to renew their wedding vows. I cast a look over at Taichi and, already, he's sniffling watching his twins walk down the aisle prior to their mother.
When the girls are halfway down the aisle, I find myself staring at my own family behind them. Sora is walking in, body lowering to one side to grasp onto our son's chubby hand. His eyes are bright blue, absorbing everything in the room. When he finds my mother and Takeru in the crowd, he almost waves at them. Sora stops him in time before he drops the silver cushion bearing the rings. I give a quiet laugh, moving my mouth away from the mic. Sora catches my reaction and glares at me for it. The glare does nothing for her. My smile widens, as my gaze sweeps over her.
Sora's hair is up in an elegant bun. The yukata looks great on her. Then again, she always looks good and she is the one who designed it. Her shoulders are bare, a peach colour with an intricate gold and deep red floral design. I hadn't seen her at all that morning because she had risen early to help prep and get Mimi, the flower girls and our son ready, while I had been preoccupied with last minute band rehearsal. It's probably a good thing I hadn't been around while she had been getting ready…
My lewd thoughts vanish as Mimi makes her grand appearance. All those nights Sora had stayed up sewing the yukata had been worth it. Maybe because I've always seen Mimi and Taichi's girl that I never realised how beautiful she looked - and today is clearly emphasising how gorgeous she is and how, asides from her sparky personality, my best friend had fallen for her. As she takes a step onto the carpet, I step forward and sing into the mic. Akira adds his beats, giving the song more impact as Mimi glides down the aisle. She gets to the front of the stage and meets Taichi, who's already crying.
The ceremony went by fast after that. The contributing factor was that I had been too focused with performing in the band, to realise that the exchange of vows had gone faster than any other wedding I had gone to. It felt like an eternity ago when Taichi and Mimi had eloped in Okinawa. They kiss and everybody cheers. And now Sora and I can say that we were there on our best friend's special day - even if it had been super delayed.
Miho taps me on the shoulder. "Good luck." I smile, passing the mic to her as I hop off the stage.
I congratulate Taichi and Mimi. A slight peck on Mimi's lips, and a big bear-hug for Taichi. He grips me back and is laughing. "I've finally sold my soul."
"Tai, you already had. Now everyone can say that they have finally witnessed you selling your soul in person," I comment. I tilt my head and ask him, "Are you sure about…"
He warns me. "Shut up, Yamato."
Jyou, Miyako and Koushiro end up stealing my best friend from me. They congregate around him to give their congratulations, thankfully discontinuing him from arguing with me.
I eye a waitress holding a tray of wine glasses. Although I rarely drink alcohol nowadays, today is a celebration. One drink can't hurt- and, of course, Takeru has to then approach me with Hiroto tagging along by his side.
Instead of being greeted, Hiroto asks me, "Can you teach me how to play guitar, Uncle Yamato?"
My brother rolls his eyes. "Apparently, you're 'cooler'. He won't stop talking about how he'd prefer that you were his father over me."
"No, I don't," Hiroto denies. "I just think that Uncle Yamato is more talented."
"Ouch." Takeru clutches onto his heart, exaggerating because that's what my brother is good at.
"Thanks Hiro-kun," I chuckle, ruffling my oldest nephew's hair. I fix his tie up. "I'll make time to teach you."
Now that I think about it, Hiroto is technically the oldest child in our kid's generation. He's twelve and his voice has already broken. It's amazing how time flies by. Although I don't like playing favourites, I can't help but take pride in him because to me he is still my first nephew - the first baby I took responsibility to dote on first. And now Hiroto's growing into a man. He's taller, his voice deeper, and now he actually wants me to teach him how to play guitar. Father would have been very proud of this. I say this out loud. I also say that Takeru was never musical, and that maybe it skipped a generation. I also say this out loud. Takeru scowls at me for this, causing Hiroto to guffaw.
There's some movement. The guests are back to their designated seats. MC Miyako declares that it's time for the tossing of the bouquet.
I finally grab a glass from the waitress, downing the red in one go. She stares at me, baffled, as I place the empty glass back onto the tray. My legs are like jelly, so I lean against the wall to watch the cluster of women gather.
Jun and Rose are already standing behind Mimi, both pretending to push each other for the bouquet. The two are practically married already, but it is kinda funny watching them both go for the flowers. Koushiro's partner is meekly standing next to them. On her other side is Sora, who clearly doesn't want to be there with how awkward she looks. I hold back my laughter because the only reason why she isn't running is because the mischievous twins are holding her down.
Miyako counts down.
"3
2
1!"
The bouquet is thrown in the air, spiralling colours.
Sora, being true to her competitive nature, still readies herself to dive for the flowers.
However, she doesn't realise when all the women around her step back, how easily the bouquet lands into her open arms, how the music stops playing. Her eyes dart around the venue, utterly bemused until she drops her gaze downwards to watch me on one knee before her.
Realisation strikes her. She gasps, clamping a hand over her mouth. She's sobbing. Tears are streaming down her face, and I find that my own vision gets blurry. I'm crying too. I can't even speak. Words are failing me until Akira shouts out, "Ask her already!"
I choke out, "Sora, will you-"
She doesn't let me finish. She barrels into me, embracing me tightly. The box is knocked out of my hands and instead of us crying, we're now both laughing.
"I thought Uncle Yamato and Aunt Sora were already married?" I stare at Risa who is looking at Hikari, dumbfounded.
I'm not the only one who heard this. Sora has too. It makes us laugh even more.
"Mama? Papa?" Our son blinks at us, confused. "Papa, you dropped this…"
It's the engagement ring, the ring I had been meaning to give her even before having our son. The ring I had kept in case. The ring I had kept for the right moment. Maybe I had always known it would be Sora. Although I had wanted to wait longer, and take my time being with her before tying the knot - it hadn't stopped me from purchasing the ring when I helped Jyou pick a wedding ring out for Miyako.
"Papa?"
I take the ring from my son's hands, shifting my gaze to Sora. "Will you-"
"I love you, of course I'll marry you."
I chuckle out loud. Of course I had expected this answer. Of course she'd be impatient when I couldn't find my words. She knows me. She knows my thoughts. How I think...she gets it. And even when she doesn't, she tries to.
"I love you too."
As I place the ring on her finger, she kisses me on the forehead.
The guests cheer for us.
I kiss her lips, helping her stand up. This woman...she's everything to me. She's been constantly around to knock some sense into me, to laugh with and at me, to give me strength whenever I'd feel low. My anchor, my love, my life.
And it's not just her.
Behind her, I spot Satou, Makoto-sensei and Seiji-san grinning at us. My mother is wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. Jun gives me the thumbs up. Mimi and Taichi look at us from up stage, staring at us like they're our proud parents. My band has amped up the music, playing for me in the background in loud support. Miho's singing the love song I composed for her. Jyou, Miyako, Koushiro, my grandparents, my family...just everybody here - they're all important to me.
If it weren't for all these people, I wouldn't have been able to cope. While it's fine to rely on yourself, it's also about having important people in your life - because they make things a tad bit easier. I'm often reminded that I don't need to shoulder everything on my own. Without these people to keep me back on track, I don't know what I'd do.
At the end of the day, it's the people in your life who are your true lifelines.
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(a/n) It's done. I can't believe it. THANK YOU FOR READING :)
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Lifelines is the longest story I've written to this day. It has been a CRAZY LONG journey and I'd like to thank every single one of you who have been here since Day 1, to the new readers who wanted to take a stab at reading this train-wreck of a fanfic. To the people who silently read, to others who review every single chapter (you know who you are). Just knowing that people have read this story is enough to make me happy :)
For a longer Lifelines reflection post, find it on my tumblr: patamon-ears . tumblr post / 650077936563683328 / lifelines-fanfic-reflection-post (minus the spaces)
Lifelines Music Playlist: patamon-ears . tumblr post / 648794698591404033 / lifelines-music-playlist (minus the spaces)
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What will I be writing next? I'll most likely focus on Gravity, most probably get back to a Takari (which I've neglected for a while)...maybe a Harry Potter fanfic (andromeda/tonks OR a marlene/sirius)...but I really want to start writing my own originals again. Who knows?!