Huge, sappy thanks to Hadley, Rahnnie, Liv, and May. Mistakes are all mine.
Thank you for giving this wild story a chance. Always appreciate your thoughts! :)
See you Friday for the epilogue.
Chapter Forty
Jake and I run toward the cover of the forest, disappearing between branches and trees. I listen for sounds, expecting there to be shouts or gunshots. Alarms. I'm expecting the entire city to know what we've just done, and for there to be consequences. But all I hear are twigs and leaves crunching beneath us, and our shallow breath as we run.
Eventually, we must be far enough away because Jake slows the pace until we're stopped. I'm so fucking thankful for the break. We catch our breath, and I lean against a tree for support. My lungs burn, and my side aches.
I haven't quite caught my breath when Jake speaks.
"You okay?" he whispers.
I just shake my head, even though it's too dark for him to see me. I'm not okay. I won't be okay for a while, but now's not the time to focus on that. I don't want this stranger to see me break down. I need to hold off until I'm alone.
"I'm okay," I lie.
My eyes well with tears, but I hold back my emotions as Jake pulls out a flashlight from his backpack. He turns it on, a beam of light illuminating the way for us as we continue to walk. I'm unsure how he knows where to go, but I don't question it the same way I didn't question Edward. Eventually, we're on a larger path that doesn't feel nearly as ominous as it did inside the cover of trees.
"How much further?" I whisper.
"I'd say two hours," he tells me, voice a normal volume, which means we must be safe. "You sure you're fine?"
"Yeah."
"It's okay not to be," he says easily. "The first time I crossed when I was seventeen, I had a panic attack. It was brutal." He breathes a laugh out through his nose, like it's a fond memory or something.
I guess he's telling me this to make me feel better or to relate, but all it does is make my heart race even more. I don't know how I just did that. Any of it. There was no thinking, only doing. The close call of almost being captured hits me all over again, and my chest suddenly feels tight.
"I almost couldn't…" I pause when my voice breaks. "I almost—"
"But you did," he says, voice encouraging.
But I did.
We walk in silence after that and with each step away from my old world, I force myself to take a healing breath.
"What's the plan now? I'm supposed to just wait for Edward to show up?" I need to hear something concrete. I need something to look forward to and to focus on.
"The only instruction I was given is that I'm supposed to immediately reach out to Edward when I make it back, and let him know you're okay," Jacob says. "He was very intent on that part. Hopefully, within a few days of my return, we'll be able to get Esme out. But I don't know the logistics of that."
So, there is somewhat of a plan. I would've maybe even been on board with it if I knew ahead of time. But Edward didn't give me that opportunity. He didn't involve me. He was worried that I wouldn't listen to him, and I'd be lying right now if I said, in this particular moment, it didn't make me resent him.
We keep walking, shadows and figures looming all around us. They play tricks on my mind. It's eerie, but I keep my eyes ahead, on the beam of light.
Eventually, there are shapes in the distance. A cluster of shelters come into view, and I remember the trailers Edward mentioned.
Jake guides me along until we're in the middle of the community. I've been told there's no electricity. No running water. Nothing civilized about this at all. But it's real. All the stories I'd heard over the years. All the rumors and warnings. People really do live out here, and seeing it with my own eyes is unreal.
"Welcome to the unincorporated land," Jake says breezily. Like this is normal. Like I didn't just risk my life, and his, to make it out here.
He keeps walking and leads me toward one of the trailers that's the farthest away.
"This is Edward's place. I'll come find you in the morning and check on you. Try to sleep," he says gruffly. "Oh, and take this." He swings the backpack off of him and hands it to me. "It has some supplies. Medicine. Clothes. Food."
I reach for the backpack, expecting him to leave me with more information. But that's it. Jake did his job. He escorted me here safely, and now I'm on my own. I still can't even wrap my head around everything, but I'm suddenly so grateful for this stranger. For his kindness and willingness to risk his own safety to help me. Without a second thought, I lean forward and hug him.
"Thank you."
It's awkward because he's tall and doesn't hug me back. All he does is nod, mumble "no problem," and then stands aside as he waits for me to enter the trailer.
Once the door is closed behind me, the darkness inside is intimidating and I bump into things as I feel for my way around. When I hear a gasp and see faint movement, I stay where I am until light at the other end of the trailer glows.
And then I see Rose in bed. She looks different, her hair longer and tied in a braid hanging over her shoulder. She's wearing clothes I've never seen before, her stomach swollen and tight under the T-shirt. When she sees me, she immediately starts crying.
"Bella?" she chokes out, covering her mouth with her hand.
Seeing Rose unravels something inside of me. The intensity of the last couple of hours takes over, and I lose it, completely crumbling. She struggles to get out of bed and immediately envelops me in a hug.
"Oh, my God. You're here. You made it," she cries, holding me tight. "I wasn't sure… I didn't think…"
She doesn't finish her sentence, and I'm grateful. I don't want to think about how wrong everything could've gone, so I don't say anything in return. I just let overwhelming emotion and relief take over as I hug her back.
"Your stomach," I blurt, and I smile through my tears as we pull away. "Oh, my God."
She laughs in agreement. "I know. I'm a whale."
"You're not."
I cover her stomach with my hands and lean down to bring my face closer. Knowing that my niece or nephew is inside of her makes me emotional all over again. My tears are no longer happy but filled with grief over Emmett and everything we've lost.
"Where's Edward?" she asks, looking toward the door, as if he'll walk in any moment.
"He…" My voice catches in my throat, and I just shake my head. It's a lot to get into right now. Later on, I'll tell her everything. I'll explain the incriminating information that James found, and why I had to run so quickly to avoid an investigation. How Charlie and the enforcers showed up to the lake house, looking for me. Why Edward stayed behind for his mother, and how devastated I am to have been separated from him.
"He made me come alone," I say quietly. "He stayed behind, but the plan is for him to come out here soon with his mom."
Rose's gentle expression makes my tears fall faster. "He'll make it. He'll be okay," she says assuredly. "The entire time he was here, he was so determined to make it back to you. He's been through so much. He wouldn't give up now. He'll be here. He'll keep his promise."
It's weird, hearing her talk about him like this. Like she knows him. But then, of course she does. They spent four months together, leaning on each other. I forgot how close they grew during that time.
We fall silent and the elephant in the room—their shared kiss—presents itself.
"Did he tell you?" she asks timidly.
"Yes," I reply, nervous myself.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so… so fucking sorry, Bella."
"I know," I sniffle, shaking my head.
"I was in such a bad place," she explains, a desperate pleading in her eyes. "I mean, I still am, but… it wasn't even him I wanted. Please know that. I was… I was terrified and hurting. And it was awful of me. I would never want to hurt you. Ever. You know that, right?"
"Rose, I know. I'm not mad."
"You're not?"
I just shake my head again. "No. I mean, I didn't enjoy hearing that. And it did hurt a lot, but… I'm not mad."
Relief fills her eyes. It would be unfair to dwell on this. With so much going on, and so much at stake, we have other things to worry about. We'll move past this. We have moved past this. We share a soft smile, and just like that, we're us again.
"I don't deserve your forgiveness," she says simply. "But thank you."
My hands move to her belly again, and the awkwardness of the moment fades away. "I can't wait to meet this kiddo. Can you feel him kick yet?"
"Yeah. But I'm convinced it's a girl. She moves like crazy at night. Already stealing my sleep," she laughs, a maternal tone to her voice that I've never heard before.
"How much longer do you have?"
"A month, maybe? It's hard to tell." She rubs a soothing hand over her stomach, covering my hand. "I can't believe you're here. I thought I was gonna have to go through this alone. I thought…" Her exhale is coated with anxiety. "I'm just grateful you're here."
We fall silent, taking in the heaviness of the moment. We're here, and we're safe. And even if neither of us knows exactly what the future holds, at least we have each other.
Rose asks if I want to change, and it's only now that I realize how uncomfortable I am in slightly damp clothes. She hands me some items, and I undress, slipping into an oversized T-shirt and a pair of boxers I have to roll at the waist. Knowing these clothes belong to Edward makes my heart yearn for him. When Rose is turned away, I bring the shirt up to my nose, inhaling briefly. It doesn't smell like him anymore, and that makes my heart ache the worst.
The quiet takes over, and my body feels drained. I'm exhausted—mentally, emotionally, and physically. But I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. Not with so much on my mind. I know once my head hits the pillow, I'll be thinking of Edward and replaying all of the chaos I just endured. I'll be wondering if he made it back safely. I'll be absorbed in imagining our reunion.
Despite my lack of drowsiness, Rose and I climb into bed, anyway, and face each other, like we used to back home. She tells me everything, starting with the early days of her and Emmett, up until the day he died. We cry until our eyes are swollen. We talk until there are no words left. Every secret is shared. Every truth is told. I fall asleep to her singing Emmett's favorite song to the baby, and it brings a certain level of peace I haven't felt in a very long time.
I dream of Edward. I dream of freedom. Soon enough, I know I'll have both.
XXX
"What about Avery?"
Rose thinks about it. "No."
"Anna?"
"Not my first choice…"
"Abby?"
"What's with all the A names?" she laughs, propping herself up on her elbows, lifting her shirt a bit so her belly faces the sun.
"I don't know. I'm going through the alphabet. It's easier that way," I tell her. "Beth?"
"Boo," Rose laughs, giving me a thumbs-down. "No."
With an exaggerated sigh, I lie back on the blanket, the river rippling peacefully nearby. The sun warms my skin, but there's still a slight chill in the air. It's perfect weather for Rose, though, who's been running hot these last few weeks.
I was a wreck the first few days, after crossing the fence. I cried a lot. I second-guessed my choices. Not because I regretted them, but because I didn't feel strong enough. Brave enough. I didn't have enough hope that everything would turn out okay and that Edward would make it out to me. And he still hasn't. But with time comes patience. With patience comes acceptance. I understand the choices and sacrifices he made to keep me safe, but I desperately wish he were here.
"Leah found a space for me to move into," Rose says, and I stare at wispy clouds, watching their shapes move and morph. "I mean, when Edward's back or whatever."
We only speak positively about his return. We don't let ourselves dwell on the fact that he should've been here two weeks ago. No one's given us any bad news yet, so I take that as a good sign. I have to.
"Where will you stay?" I ask, rolling onto my side and shielding my eyes from the sun.
"With some friend of hers. It's not much, but nothing out here is, I guess. There's more room than in Edward's trailer, so there will be space for me and the baby."
"You don't have to leave, Rose," I remind her.
"Yes, I do," she laughs. "I'm not gonna live with you and Edward. That's… no. It'd be so weird."
She's right. It would be weird if she stayed with us. I said it more to be polite, but I nod in agreement. She's making this easy on me, and I'm grateful.
"But don't feel like you have to go right away."
"It's fine," she promises. "I need to learn to be on my own. But I hope you'll be around to help me? I really, really can't do this without you."
"Of course."
She smiles, but I can sense some underlying tension there. I know she's scared to give birth out here. It worries me, too, thinking of all the complications that could arise, and everything that comes after. Having a newborn. Raising a child. Parenthood is so foreign and new, anyway, but doing it out here? I don't know. Maybe all it takes is gut instinct, though. Maybe navigating it all won't be as daunting as Rose thinks.
"Wanna head back?" I ask, sitting up and stretching my arms above my head.
"I guess so."
I stand and offer a hand to help her up. It takes some strength to pull her to her feet, and we both laugh.
"God," Rose groans, shaking her head. "I can't even—" She pauses, her eyes growing wide as they dart past me.
"What?" I ask, then turn to look behind me, following her gaze.
I see him, just through the trees. Edward. He's still a ways away, but he's slowly walking toward us, a slight limp in his step. My heart pounds and though my legs feel shaky, I instantly bolt toward him. I run until my lungs burn. I run until he catches me and lifts me up into his arms.
He stops in place and holds me. My legs around his waist. His arms tighten around me, not letting go. Never letting go.
"Fuck," I choke, and bury my face in his neck. "You're here."
"I'm sorry it took so long," he murmurs in my ear, his voice weary.
I kiss his neck, his jaw, his mouth, his cheeks. I kiss every part of him that I can touch with my lips while still clutching myself to him. He holds me for a minute longer before I slide down his body, my feet on the ground.
Even though I'm desperately relieved he's here, bitterness creeps in for a moment when I'm reminded of our sudden goodbye at the fence. I tug on the back of his neck and bring his forehead to mine.
"Don't ever—" I mumble around my tears and catch my breath. "Don't you ever fucking do that again? Okay? Don't leave me like that. Don't."
"I'm sorry," he breathes, and envelops me in his arms. "Baby, I'm so sorry."
"Are you okay?" I ask, pulling back so my hands and eyes can roam over every inch of his body.
He just barely shakes his head, his eyes desperate and pleading. "No. It's Esme. She didn't… she's not here." I'd realized that when I saw him walking over, but I assumed he left her back at the trailer. His expression grows grim, and he scrubs a hand over his mouth, like he's trying to keep his composure. With his next words, my stomach sinks. "She passed away."
"What?" I cover my mouth in disbelief, my heart aching for him. "When?"
"A week after you left. It happened at home. She took a turn for the worst, and I had to just wait it out. That's why it took me so long. That's why I couldn't—"
I instantly wrap my arms around his neck to hold and comfort him. "I'm so sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry, baby."
He grabs my waist and buries his face in my neck, my hair. His breath comes out shaky like he's crying, so I hold him and let him take all the time he needs. I hate this for him. I hate that I wasn't there to support and comfort him. It breaks my fucking heart to imagine him just sitting by her bedside, waiting for her to take her last breath.
After a minute or so he pulls back, wiping at his eyes, his nose red and his cheeks flushed under his scruff.
"Can we just… go…" he mumbles and nods back toward the camp. "I need to just—"
"Yeah, let's go to the trailer," I murmur, linking my fingers with his. He tugs me closer again and tucks me into his side as Rose finally approaches us. They don't hug or anything but acknowledge each other with small, sad smiles.
"Glad you made it back," she says kindly.
"Thanks." He nods once, his voice normal again, like he's putting on a front that everything's okay. "How have you been holding up?"
"Fine, especially now that I have Bella here." Her eyes cut to me and she smiles softly. "Are y'all heading back?"
"I think so. Walk with us?" I ask, not wanting to leave her out here by herself.
"Sure."
The three of us walk in silence back toward the camp. Edward's pace is slow, and I can tell it agitates him. With his arm over my shoulder, I wrap an arm behind his back, the other draped across his stomach so he can lean on me a little.
Rose wanders off when we make it back to the trailer, and I'm appreciative for the time alone with Edward. I help him inside, and he makes his way over to the bed, sighing in relief when he sits.
"Are you okay? Does your leg hurt?"
He runs a hand over his thigh, massaging it a bit. "Like a bitch," he laughs, but it's laced with self-deprecation and annoyance.
I sit next to him, but he pulls me to sit in his lap, my weight on his good thigh.
"How long did it take you to cross?" I ask, remembering he said last time took two days.
"Like six hours maybe?"
"You didn't camp out along the way?"
"I should've," he mumbles. "But I wanted to get here as fast as I could. I didn't wanna make you wait any longer."
I click my tongue, both loving and hating this answer. I'm so grateful he's back, but I hate that he pushed himself.
"What happened with your mom?" I murmur, my fingers playing with his hair. It's matted, sweaty, and sticking to the back of his neck.
He just buries his face in my neck, like he's hiding. "I can't," he mumbles. "Not now. Maybe soon, but…"
"It's okay," I whisper in understanding. "You don't have to talk about it yet."
He sniffles and clears his throat, pulling back to look at me. "I'm just glad I was there, you know? Not being there would've killed me. So… I'm glad. But I'm so sorry I did that to you. Leaving you like that—"
I shake my head and kiss his mouth. "You made the right decision. Okay? I was fine. She needed you more." He barely nods, and my heart clenches when the remorse in his eyes finally turns to acceptance. Like he'd been waiting this entire time for me to give him the okay. The guilt we both would've felt if she passed while he was gone would've been too much to live with. I'm glad he was there for her. She deserved to have her son by her side.
"Thank you," he sighs, presses his forehead to mine. "I'll tell you everything, but I just… I can't think about it right now. It's a lot to process. Is that awful of me?"
"No," I tell him adamantly. "Absolutely not. Whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here."
He lets out a small, relieved breath. "Okay."
"What can I do for you?" I ask, desperate to comfort him.
"I don't know."
"Do you wanna clean up?" I offer, and his eyes smile. "I can fill the bath?"
"It's a lot of work," he says, surprised by my offer.
"It's not."
He raises his brows. He's right. Simple things like that take a lot of effort. It's definitely not the same as back home. Not as easy as turning on the faucet and filling the bath. There are many steps involved, from boiling the river water over the fire, to making multiple trips back and forth to fill the small tub just enough. It's never a full-on relaxing experience, but it's better than nothing at all.
"I don't mind," I tell him sincerely.
"Maybe later?"
"Okay."
"For now, can you just… be with me?" he asks, eyes and voice both tender.
We move back onto the bed and he lies behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. We relax into each other, and I close my eyes.
"Is Pepper okay?" I ask, a pang in my chest when I think about her.
"Yeah." He presses a sweet kiss to the side of my neck. "She's living it up with Jasper and Lo."
"Was there any word about my disappearance? Do you know what happened to James?" Maybe I should wait to ask all of this until later, when he's not exhausted and mourning. "We can talk later, too. We can just rest if you need."
"I don't know what happened to James," he replies quietly. "I'm sure they forced him into the Procedure again." I'm sure they did, too. He knew too much. "There was zero mention of your disappearance. At least, it wasn't in the media, so I don't know. I was kind of preoccupied with my mom."
It's strange that there was no media coverage, but I guess that makes sense. My departure wasn't as dramatic as Emmett's. There was nothing to cover up. Nothing to hide. One day I was suddenly gone. Knowing that my parents likely have an idea as to where I am makes me smile. Knowing there's absolutely nothing they can do about it makes me even more relieved.
I let Edward rest, then, both of us lying in silence. We must fall asleep because the next thing I know, I'm waking up and the trailer is dim, the setting sun streaming through the small windows.
I roll onto my stomach to face Edward, but his eyes are already open.
"Did you sleep?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.
"A little."
I yawn into my hand, then scoot closer to kiss his mouth, just reveling in the comfort of having nothing to worry about. Nothing to do. It feels different than before. The time we had together back home after his return, with both of us reconnecting and indulging in each other, was necessary. Healing in a way. But it wasn't like this. There was always an underlying tension. Something to worry about. And finally, finally, we're in this place where we can focus on each other and nothing else around us. This new and foreign world doesn't feel as daunting knowing I'll have him by my side.
"So… now what?" I ask.
His eyes are softer and more relaxed than I've seen in a while. "Now we just… be together. No hiding. No placements or Procedures. Just... us."
"Just us," I echo, loving the sound.
He captures my mouth in a kiss. Once, twice. The third time, his mouth stays on mine. My mouth parts, and our tongues brush. And then he kisses his way to my neck, his beard rough against my soft skin.
His hands are on me then, cupping my ass to pull me closer so I can feel how much he wants me.
With every piece of clothing he removes from my body, he replaces it with a kiss. With every kiss to my skin, my body yearns for him more than I already did.
I undress him with the same attention but take him into my mouth when I remove his boxers. He fists my hair and groans, and it's the best fucking sound. I wanna make him feel good, but then he's pulling me up to him and rolling me onto my back to settle between my legs, the length of him pressing where I want him most. There's desperation behind our touch now. Like we can't be close enough or kiss enough.
He moves down my body to put his mouth on me, licking and sucking for only a moment, then hovers over me again and slowly guides himself inside. I cry out in pleasure, letting him know how good he makes me feel. We move together, frantic and needy, chasing that feeling. I bite his shoulder. He hooks an arm under my knee to go deeper. It feels so good, but then he slows his pace.
"Baby, get on top," he grits out as he moves off of me.
I slide down onto him with ease and his eyes are on me, glazed over with lust. He palms my breasts. Rubs my clit.
"Fuck, look at you," he murmurs, voice strained, like he's trying to hold off.
He lets me move on him. Riding him. Slow, then fast. Then he flips me over, taking me from behind, whispering that he loves me, so fucking much.
I'm flush with the mattress then, his front to my back, and we're so close, almost there. He asks if I wanna switch positions again.
"No," I groan in pleasure. "It feels good. Don't stop."
My words spur him on and he picks up the pace, his hand sliding between me and the mattress. It's what pushes me over the edge. It's what makes me shake and clench around him. I come first, but he's not far behind. Hot mouth on the back of my neck, and a tanglement of curses and sweet words whispered to my skin when he follows.
We spend the rest of the evening in each other's arms and make plans for our new future. This life is not what I envisioned, but plans change. As long as we're together, that's all that matters.
When we're on the verge of sleep, Edward asks me a very simple question that deserves a very simple answer. It's just like that night in my bed, many, many months ago, when he asked me to marry him. But this time is better. Because nothing can stand in our way now.
With tears in my eyes, I tell him yes. And with delight in his, he kisses me.
XXX
"How do I look?" I ask Rose, her eyes on the baby swaddled in her arms. There were so many tears when she gave birth a month ago. So many different emotions, ranging from excitement to downright terrified. After many hours of intense labor with me and Leah by her side, Rose finally pushed through and gave birth to a baby boy. He has my brother's eyes and the same little dimples. It only seemed fitting that Rose named him Emmett.
When Rose finally looks up at me, she's beaming with tears in her eyes. "You're stunning."
I'm not wearing a white gown, but a flowy ivory dress that has been worn many times before me. There's zero makeup on my face, but my skin is golden from our days in the sun. My hair's half pulled back with twine, wildflowers flowers neatly tucked in. This might not be how I imagined I'd look on my wedding day, but it's somehow better.
I think back to just two months ago when I first made it to the unincorporated land. Though not much time has passed, I feel like a different person. More whole. More at peace. There are good and bad days, but that's how life goes, anyway. The good days heavily outweigh the bad. Having Edward by my side has absolutely everything to do with it.
I follow Rose outside and we walk along the trail, reminiscing the entire way. The sun is shining. Birds chirp from above. Rose hugs me with one arm, and I kiss baby Emmett's cheek. He doesn't even stir, still in that sleepy stage of infancy. She disappears down the trail, and I wait a minute or two before following.
The further I walk, the louder the river sounds. Its calming ripples are like a soundtrack, guiding me until I reach a break in the trees. At the very end of the trail, near the riverbank, is where I find Edward waiting for me.
His eyes light up when he sees me, the most sincere smile on his face. With the happiest tears in my eyes, our gazes stay locked until I'm standing before him. His beard is trimmed from me helping him shave this morning. He mouths "hi" and "I love you" and squeezes both of my hands. Sam has us repeat his words, and the earnestness in our voices is pure and deep and raw. Edward's thumb brushes calming circles over mine while he vows to love me forever. I echo the same sentiment, those happy tears streaming down my cheeks when he cups my face with both hands and kisses me deeply.
This ceremony might not legally mean anything, but to us it's everything. This day means more to me than any placement. This simple act of us promising our lives to one another holds more truth and validity than any piece of paper ever could.
We've chosen each other. Simply. Wholeheartedly.
It's a day I'll remember forever.
And someday when our kids ask me what my favorite memory is, it will without a doubt be this.