41: What Needs to Be Said

What is the answer to this question!?

I rapped the table with my pencil, racking my brains.

Oh, Setsuna.

I can't stop thinking about her.

Ahh, whatever. I just have to get through this first!

I shook my head and got to work.

After what felt like an eternity, the teacher clapped her hands.

"Alright, pass up your papers!"

We did so.

"Everyone, thank you so much for working so hard this past year. It's been my pleasure." My teacher smiled, showing emotion for the first time. "Well, today's the last day of class. As for your final projects, we'll all watch them together the morning of our International Festival! And I'm giving you all A's on it!"

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" my class cheered, applauding.

"We love you, Sensei!"

"Thank you! Just make sure you get it done if you want credit!"

With that, the bell rang, and we poured out the class, whopping and skipping out into the hallway.

"SCHOOL'S OUT!"

It was a bright and shining day, the day of my final exams.

Around me, a few guys whipped off their shirts, twirling them in the air.

"Let's gooooooooo!"

They're a little too crazy… I mean, we still have the festival and graduation….

"WHOOOOOO!" I turned to see Emma behind me, whooping and swinging her bag around. "Derrick-kun! We're done!" She smacked me on the back.

I laughed.

"Emma, is Kenny getting to you!?"

"What do you mean!? I never did anything to her," Kenny said, adjusting his glasses. "Also, we have to meet up with Prez to go over our final preparations for the festival. Let's go," he said. "I can't wait to see Setsuna in a dress! I'm gonna invite her to dance with me!"

"Eww! Don't do that," Emma chastised as we began our journey to the school gym. "You can dance with me, okay!?"

"What!? But I want some of that student council girl action!" Kenny whined, grabbing onto her arm.

"No, no, no! Prez is already reserved by Derrick! Right?" Emma turned to me and winked.

"Well… sorry, Kenny, but yeah…"

"What!? Since when!?" Kenny shook his head. "We'll see about that."

We entered the gym, which was partially decorated already, with balloons and ribbons hanging around the walls. Outside, students were beginning to set up their booths and equipment.

"Ahh! Emma-senpai! You're done with final exams! How'd they go!?" Setsuna said, waving as she ran over to us from the stage, where a pile of decorations were being cut.

"They were pretty easy," Emma replied, shoving Kenny backwards when he tried to give Setsuna a hug.

"What about you, Kenny-san?" Setsuna asked.

"Pretty great! Say, wanna dance with me at the festival, Prez?" Kenny replied.

"E-ehh? No, I'm not dancing! That's for you guys! I would never do something weird like that…" Setsuna waved her hand in dismissal. "Anyways… let's get preparing, shall we? After we set up these decorations, we need to set up all the tables and cover them for the special dinner."

"Alright!" Emma and Kenny ran up to the stage to help cut out the paper decals.

"And… how were the finals for you…?" Setsuna said quietly, after they had left. She kept darting her eyes to the floor.

"Uh…" I chuckled nervously. "They were okay…"

"D-d-did our study sessions help at all?"

"W-well… when I tried to think about stuff we reviewed… well, I just kept thinking of you…." I gulped hard.

Setsuna's eyes went wide.

"That's not what was supposed to happen!" She slapped my shoulder lightly. "Pervert."

"How can I not think about you when the entire time we were studying, all I could see was your hair in my face!?" I shot back.

"Um- err-" Setsuna grinned awkwardly. "I guess I took Yu's words too far…" She twirled a lock of hair in her fingers.

"What did Yu say?"

"Well, she said you liked it when she leans into you and her hair like… brushes you lightly….AHHHHHHH I know, it's weird, okay!? Just forget it! I'm sorry!" Setsuna shook her head and tried to run.

I grabbed her arm and turned her back to face me.

I hugged her.

"Senpai…" Setsuna's small body pressed itself against my chest.

"Setsuna-chan, you're… so cute…"

"Senpai," Setsuna whispered, "Stop that… stop playing with my heart…"

"Ahhhh! Kawaiiiiii!" Yu's voice erupted behind us.

We quickly released each other and turned to see the whole squad standing there, Yu and Ayumu at the front.

"Y-Yu-chan!?" Setsuna and I blurted in unison.

"Yeah, they've been doing that a lot lately," Emma called from the stage.

"I can explain, Yu," I said, running up to her.

"Explain what!?" Yu laughed, putting her hands on her hips.

"You think there's anything we don't know?" Ayumu chimed.

"Yu-chan, I'm sorry…" Why am I saying this?

"Don't be sorry for anything." Yu shoved me lightly. "Go help Setsuna-chan with those decorations! We'll help set up the tables! Y'all international students plus Setsuna aren't getting everything done by yourselves!"

"N-no…" Setsuna shoved me back into Yu. "Help them out! We need a boy with muscles to carry those tables and chairs!"

"Setsuna-chan? It's fine, we got this," Yu protested. "Go spend some time with your boy."

"Yu." Setsuna suddenly reached out and held Yu in her arms, sighing deeply. "Yu-chan."

"Setsuna!?"

I heard them whispering to each other, and I just stood there, unsure of what to feel.

Setsuna turned and left, a sad expression on her face.

"Just… help out Yu-chan, will you?" Setsuna said to me, giving a weak smile.

"O-okay…"

I went up to Yu, who blushed and stepped backward.

"Yu-chan-"

"Shut up and help me with this table, okay!?" Yu said, grinning.

I helped her start setting up round tables around the gym.

"Yu," I said as we spread out a white tablecloth.

"Hmm? If this is about earlier-"

"No. Yu-chan, if you really wanted… to be with me in the beginning… you could have just said so." I braced my heart.

"What are you talking about?" Yu looked up at me in fear.

"I don't think anyone who loves someone would give up their love like that." What the hell am I even saying!? "I know if I loved someone, and I knew they loved me, I would just go for it. What does it matter that I'm gonna leave soon? You don't want to have any regrets."

Yu's eyes watered, and she stepped up close to me. She put her hands on my shoulders, and looked up into my soul.

"That's why… you should tell Setsuna that you love her, right?" She whispered, a soft expression on her slightly stricken face. "You don't want to have any regrets, right?"

"Yu… that's not what I meant…."

"Don't worry about me, senpai," Yu said, backing up. "I'm just a worthless girl. If Setsuna is Miss Second Place, then I'm tenth place! I mean, I can't even become a normal idol like the other girls."

"Don't say that!"

"I'm nothing but trouble. Really. You should stay away." Yu's eyes fluttered, and she quickly wiped them with her sleeve and gave me a cheesy smile. "You should confess to Setsuna. She deserves it."

"But… Yu-chan… I… I'd feel bad if I did so."

"Stop caring about me, senpai. Besides… who knows if we'll ever meet again, anyway?"

"Yu." I couldn't help it. I gave her a big hug.

"S-senpai!" Yu tried to pry me off, but she couldn't.

"Yu-chan! I'll never forget all the times you were there for me. I know we've been through a lot of bad times, but they only helped to bring us together! If it wasn't for those times, we wouldn't have gotten to the point… to the point of almost being lovers!" I shouted. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. Setsuna included.

"S-Setsuna, I-" My heart was torn in two, as Setsuna walked up to us with a blank expression.

"Senpai," Yu said, grabbing Setsuna's hand and pulling her next to me. "I don't think a relationship based on 'bad times' is really one that should be pursued any further, right?" Yu stepped back even further, leaving Setsuna by my side. "So let's call it a day, okay? It was fun while it lasted."

Yu giggled, though at the same time tears began to stream down her face.

"Bye bye, pervert!" Yu tried her best to keep her composure, but she kept sniffing and crying that she had to cover her grief. "I-I'm gonna run to the bathroom. S-see you guys later."

Yu turned and ran out of the gym.

"Yu!" I tried to run after her, but Setsuna stopped me.

"Senpai…" Setsuna was also teary-eyed. "I… I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have come in between you two… it's all my fault."

"No, Setsuna… Yu's doing this to herself… and I… I don't know why. But I just wish I could do something for her."

"I want to do something for her too," Setsuna said, interlocking her fingers in mine. "But what can we do? We can't replace you…"

"Then again… Setsuna-chan… why are you being so sweet to me? You're in the same boat as Yu-chan. In the end, we're all going to say goodbye anyway. What's the point?"

The two of us stood there in silence.

"I don't know, senpai," Setsuna whispered. "But all I know… is that I wish we could all have a happy ending. An ending where no one is left alone, and where all of our dreams came true. But that's impossible, right?"

I shook my head.

"Setsuna-chan. When this is all over, none of us will have to suffer. I'm going to make everything right. I promise." I kissed her on the forehead, pulling her against me.

We stood there for a while, mixed feelings of angst and love ravaging our hearts.

"Gosh," Setsuna remarked, after I had released her. She wiped her eyes. "If only you weren't a boy, Derrick! Then things wouldn't have turned out like this!" She smiled and left. "We'll make do somehow..."

I had to take a break after all of that, so I went outside to tour the preparations.

The afternoon sky was blue and warm. Many stalls were lined up around the courtyard, students chatting and practicing their cultural performances. I saw a bunch of students from the first and second year international classes, as well as students from the main school that had come to help their friends.

I took a deep breath of the exciting air. I know my feelings for Setsuna are true. But at the same time, I can't bear to leave Yu in the dust. I mean, I did like her at first. I just wasn't sure what to say. When Yu brought it up at the amusement park, she made it clear that we weren't going to have a romantic relationship.

I guess that rejection was the coffin in the nail, and at the same time, I was catching feelings for Setsuna. I guess all those complicated emotions just made everything too hard. Just like the early days when I was into Ayumu-chan.

I felt bad that I was stealing her from Yu-chan, and when all that drama happened, it ended up too awkward pursuing Ayumu any further, and our romantic relationship just faded away. I guess romancing three girls who are all friends isn't really a good idea, eh? But hey, don't blame me! I never intended for this to happen.

Seriously, I could have just gone after Kasumi or something. She would've been fun to play around with. Or Shizuku. We'd get along pretty well. Heck, even Emma! After all, we were in the same class, and lived in the same building!

But whatever. No matter who it was, the thing that Yu brought up was the same. Is there really a point getting so close when I have to go so far away?

"Sen-pai!" I turned to see Ayumu-chan, a sly smile on her face.

"Ayumu-chan? What are you doing here?"

"Want one?" Ayumu held out a corn dog. "Some of your classmates were practicing making these, so they let me try!"

"Oh! Thanks…" I took the corn dog and put it in my mouth. "Ahh! It's hot!"

"Careful, senpai!" Ayumu blew on my corn dog. "I wanted to talk to you…"

"Is this about… the other girls?"

"Yeah… can we sit down?"

The two of us took a seat at a nearby bench. I took a bite.

"Wow! This is really tasty!"

"Right!? Here, have the rest of mine!" Ayumu handed me her half-eaten corn dog.

"If it's good, then finish it!"

"Hahah, I can't eat too much," Ayumu laughed, insisting. "So, about Yu-chan and Setsuna-chan. I don't know what to feel. Of course I want Yu to be happy, but she's pretty adamant about giving you up. I want Setsuna to be happy too. And, I guess she would be happy if the two of you got together. But will anyone be happy in the end?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking. If we're all gonna separate in the end, we're in a sinking boat. No matter who I end up with… it doesn't matter, right?" I took another bite of my corn dog.

"Unless you make a promise to come back one day."

"Exactly. But we don't know where life will take us. I don't know if I'll be able to keep my promise."

Ayumu and I sighed at the same time.

"Well, if things go horribly wrong, I'm always available!" Ayumu laughed, grabbing onto me and poking my cheek.

"What? I thought you said you were taking a break from boys after the whole Takeshi thing!" I protested.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Ayumu smacked me on the shoulder. "I just don't want you to go home feeling worse than when you arrived. If I remember clearly… you were really sad and lonely back then. You were lost, right?"

"You could say that, yeah," I replied.

"So, after all these months… I hope we made you feel like you belong. If we end up making you feel lonelier than before, and heartbroken on top of that, then we're really worthless girls." Ayumu had a concerned expression on her face.

"Don't worry," I said, patting her Ayumu-bun. "You've done more than enough, Ayumu-chan."

"Th-thanks…" Ayumu said softly, blushing as she touched her bun. "I'll make sure to see you off with a smile."

Around us, the sky was fading into orange.

"Ayumu-chan? Senpai?" Yu found us, while carrying three corn dogs.

"Yu-chan!" I leapt up and embraced her. "Yu-chan is so precious to me!" I screamed.

"Watch out! I'm gonna drop these stick thingies!" Yu exclaimed, pushing me off.

"Yu! Are you okay!?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine!" Yu's face had dried streaks of tears on it. "Here, I wanted to get these hot dog thingies for you guys…" she held one out to me.

"Oh… we already had them, Yu-chan!" Ayumu informed.

"What? Oh…"

"But I'll have another one!" Ayumu grabbed one and took a massive bite.

"Didn't you just say you can't eat too much!?" I accused, watching the girl furiously munching away.

"Hurry up and eat it, senpai!" Ayumu said through her full mouth.

"O-kay!" I took Yu's offering and went to town.

"Hahah, are you guys trying to make me feel better or something?" Yu laughed, only one corn dog left in her hand.

"What? No, we-"

Yu cut me off by pulling Ayumu and I into a group hug.

"Thank you."

Speechless, we held Yu tightly, an inexplicable feeling of camaraderie and love connecting us. When she released her hold, she held up her final corn dog. "This one's for Setsuna-chan."

Setsuna, Ayumu and Yu walked me all the way back home that night.

As we strolled through the night, I kept myself a pace behind the three, who were all holding hands.

"Why are you so shy, senpai?" Yu said, stopping and turning around with a smiling face. "We're the ones seeing you off to your own home!"

"Oh… I was just… trying not to disturb you three… I am a boy, after all," I answered. "I'm nothing but trouble!"

"You know what? Just cut that out, all of you," Setsuna said, reaching out and pulling me between Yu and her. "Senpai! Yu-chan! None of you are troublemakers! Not you either, Ayumu-chan! And me neither! We're all friends. We're all family. And nothing will ever come between us. Nothing!" Setsuna was passionately interlocking her fingers in mine. "So please, let's just put everything to rest, okay?"

"Okay!" Ayumu cheered, gesturing for Yu to do the same.

"Yeah." Yu grinned. "We're family. That means we all love each other, right?!"

"Exactly." Setsuna pointed at each one of us. "That means I love you, Ayumu, you, Yu, and you, Derrick! I love all of you." She grabbed me by the shoulders and made me face the other two. "Come on, tell them you love them, Derrick!"

I guess I'm confessing to all of them. If this means everyone will end up happy, then it's what I have to do.

"Ayumu-chan, I love you," I stated firmly, holding her and kissing her cheek. She gulped and nodded, face pink and eyes watery.

"I love you too, Derrick," she whispered, returning the kiss. I turned to face Yu, whose eyes went wide as I looked into them.

"Yu-chan, I love you." I reached forward to kiss her on the cheek, but before I could, she held my head in her hands, stood on her tiptoes, and placed her lips on mine.

"Y-Yu…"

Yu smiled as tears formed around her eyes.

"I love you, Derrick." She then pulled Setsuna up to me. "One more to go!"

Setsuna's face was red, and she couldn't meet me in the eye.

Well, if Yu kissed me on the lips already… should I just go for it and kiss Setsuna on the lips too? If I don't, then… Setsuna might get the wrong idea….

"Setsuna…"

"Y-yes!?" she replied frantically.

"I love you."

I reached up to peck her on the lips, but she covered her mouth.

"No more kissing tonight," she said with a shy yet sly smile. "I think kissing Yu-chan on the lips was more than you could handle," she chuckled, turning to face the road. She broke into a light jog. "Tomorrow's the festival. Then it's your graduation. And after that, our trip to Okinawa! I'm excited!"

"I thought you didn't care about going to Okinawa," Yu called after her, picking up the pace.

"Yeah, wasn't it just a painful reminder of… of our placement at Love Live!?" Ayumu added, trying to catch up to them. Realizing I was being left in the dust, I took up a full sprint.

"Exactly!" Setsuna responded from up ahead. "But I've realized by now that we can't always get everything we wish for! It's better to be grateful for what we have, rather than crying over what we don't!"

I realized that what Setsuna said was true, for all four of us, though in slightly different ways.

That night, I rolled around on my bed, punching my pillow.

Ughhh… what am I gonna do?

First of all, I understand what Setsuna was trying to do. It's what all four of us tried to do. We're turning all of these feelings of love- romantic love- and dismissing it as a very close friendship. Of course, it's true that our friendship is real. But at the same time, our feelings of romantic love exist.

I know that I love Setsuna, and… I'm pretty sure she loves me. I know Yu loves- or loved me, romantically, as well, and I did too.

I don't know about Ayumu, though… she said that she wasn't interested, but… she sure was blushing a lot in front of me today, much more than back when she was hitting on Takeshi. But I don't want to get into that, because that's just gonna make things even more complicated.

Now, I think we've all agreed to preserve our status quo as friends, because that's the best way to say goodbye. Without anyone fighting, crying, or having any regrets.

But if we don't confess our romantic love, then wouldn't we be carrying that regret until the end?

I think Yu's kiss earlier was basically a form of saying, "I loved you romantically, but since things turned out like this, let's go back to being friends." Her kiss on my lips was the closure for our fleeting, ambiguous relationship. I guess there's no better way of solving this problem than one last kiss. And after that kiss, the "I love you" changed from the meaning of lovers to the meaning of friends. At least Yu got to get it off her chest.

If that's the case, though… then that means I have to confess to Setsuna, romantically. Because I don't want to leave this place without ever telling her my true feelings. Just like Yu, I have to get these words off my chest. I have to confess to her. I understand that, because we're deciding that everyone's "just a friend", my confession won't lead to a long-term relationship. Even so, I have to let her know. I have to tell Setsuna that I love her, not as a friend, but as the girl I want for my partner in life.

Although our partnership may end in only a couple weeks.

But who cares?

Yu's said what she needed to, and now it's my turn.

Once everything that needs to be said is said, we can all go back to being friends.

Then I can leave, then I can say goodbye without any regrets.

But from everything I've experienced so far, love isn't that simple. It never is.