Envelope 41

Author's Note: Don deals with a little girl growing up and a relationship that's taking flight. Please let me know what you think with a review.

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"I can't come tonight," Don said into his cell phone as he stepped out onto the back porch off his kitchen so Agnes wouldn't hear.

"Is everything okay?" Linnea asked, concerned.

"Agnes got her first period," Don said. "I need to…"

"Yes, of course," Linnea said. "How is she? How are you with this?"

"She seems so young," Don said. "She's not even 12 yet."

"I have read some studies that girls younger and younger are menstruating," Linnea said by way of explanation. "It's partially environmental."

Don nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"No, children are always first," Linnea said, and he could tell she was smiling. She had always understood that his kids did come first.

"Enjoy the White House Christmas party," Don said. "I should be okay to attend the Embassy one tomorrow."

"Next year you can come with me to the White House," Linnea said.

Don smiled into the phone. They had been dating since the spring and it had been going incredibly well. She and he had expanded their time together beyond Embassy functions she needed to attend, and had gone for some great dinners, movies, walks, and had some quiet nights together. Don had to tell Aram he was doing more than accompanying his cousin to events and Aram was perplexed. He was honestly surprised that two people so different, and with a 12-year age gap between them had embarked on a romantic relationship. Although he loved both of them, he was concerned it would not work out, and that weighed on Aram's conversations with Don and Linnea.

"I'd like that," Don said softly.

"I will miss you," Linnea said.

"Enjoy tonight and I'll see you tomorrow," Don said before they disconnected.

He stood on the porch for a moment thinking about Liz and how she should be here for Agnes now.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Liz said as she started to gather her laptop. They had only worked together for a few months.

Don looked up from his work "Oh, uh yeah, tomorrow."

Liz looked at him for a moment and then shook her head. He wasn't paying attention.

"Have a good night Ressler," Liz said. "Not that you are paying any attention to me."

His head snapped up. "Keen."

She stopped her turn to go out the door and turned to look at him.

"I am paying attention," he said.

"Really?" She asked, not believing him.

"I can see your having a rough day, so I thought I'd just leave you alone," Don said.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Why did you think I was having a rough day?" Liz asked.

"You were quiet, sitting at your desk a lot, you weren't hungry at lunch…you seem like something's up today," Don said. "I figured you would like to be left alone."

She gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess I did," she said, understanding he was being sweet, not ignoring her.

"Anything I can help with?" He asked as he sat upright a little more.

"Unless you have a solution for cramps and a crappy period, no," she smiled at him.

His neck got a little red and he ducked his head slightly.

"Ressler, did you just blush?" Liz teased him.

"No," Don said defiantly, his face and neck reddening.

"Are you uncomfortable with period talk?" Liz asked him as she walked toward him.

"No, it's completely natural," he said, trying to mask his level of discomfort.

"You are," she smiled at him as she leaned against his desk. "There's Audrey, you've had girlfriends before her…"

"I do recognize that 50% of the population deals with their period every month," Don said annoyed. "I have shopped for pads and tampons, when needed."

"Well, good on you, modern man," Liz said as she launched herself off his desk and started for the door.

"Hardy har," Don replied.

"If you ever have a daughter, I hope you deal with it better for her sake," Liz said before she left their office.

Don sighed and went into the house. He had already called Aram and cancelled him watching the kids. Agnes was where he'd left her, laying on the sofa with a hot magic bag on her stomach.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" Don asked her as he walked toward her.

She softly said "okay." And it broke his heart that she only had him.

When she screamed in the washroom about a half hour ago, he had practically broken down the door before she yelled for him to stop and that there was blood in her underpants. It had taken him a moment to register what was going on, thinking automatically that she had been hurt in some way. He hadn't talked with her about her period yet, he thought that happened more with she was thirteen or fourteen but some of her friends must have hinted at it because she sort of knew what was happening, but not really. He'd ran out to the security detail and asked them if they had a maxi pad, Kate did, and handed it to him. Returning to the washroom he passed Agnes the pad with some clean underpants and tights and walked her through how to stick a pad in them. When she emerged a few minutes later she was crying, and he hugged her tight. He knew there was probably a right and a wrong way to deal with this, but he honestly didn't have a clue what to do. And he wished with every ounce of his being that Liz was here to help Agnes, but she was stuck with just him.

So, he told her she was doing great and walked her to the living room, helping her lay down on the couch while he heated up a magic bag and placed it gently on her stomach before he left to quickly text Aram to cancel and call Linnea to tell her he couldn't come. Luckily Kit was at a birthday party, so it was just him and Agnes.

"Do you have any questions about your period?" Don asked her.

Agnes sniffled.

"Honey, you can ask me anything, anything at all," Don said as he sat at her feet.

"Is it a baby dying?" Agnes asked.

"No," Don said honestly. "It's your body not having a baby, it'd getting rid of the things it put in place to have a baby, but then when the baby doesn't happen, it pushes it out of your body."

Agnes nodded and reached for a tissue to wipe her nose.

"Can you die from losing all the blood?" Agnes asked.

"No," Don smiled at her. "Your body knows exactly how much it can lose."

Agnes nodded again.

"So, if I want a baby…"

"Then your body is starting to get ready for that when you are older," Don said.

"And the baby just appears one day? How does my body know when I want one?" Agnes asked.

Don took a deep breath.

"You love someone, and you decide together that you want a baby," Don said, not sure how much he really wanted to say.

"Is that the sex that happens?" Agnes asked.

"Uh, yeah," Don said as he shifted. "You've learned about that a little?"

"It sounds disgusting," Agnes said.

"Eventually it's not," Don said. "When you love someone it's very beautiful."

Agnes' face contorted.

"But you don't have to worry about that for a while," Don said as he patted her leg. "Right now, let's just handle your period, okay?"

Agnes nodded.

"So, it's supposed to come every month," Don said. "But I'm going to have to look it up, I don't think it starts like that."

"You don't know?!" Agnes asked, upset.

"Sweetie, I'm a man," Don said reassuringly. "I haven't gone through this, but I remember you mom had cramps and a heavier period so maybe you will take after her?"

"Did mommy get scared too?" Agnes asked.

"Maybe, when she was your age," Don said softly. "But not when she was older."

Agnes sniffled.

"And it lasts a few days," Don continued. "Sometimes you feel crummy, and sometimes you don't feel any different."

Agnes listened to him attentive.

"When I get Kit from his party we will stop and get some maxi pads for you and we can keep them under the sink in the washrooms," Don said. "Because you're going to have to change them throughout the day."

"When?" Agnes asked.

Don didn't honestly know.

"Meal times?" Don asked more than stated. "I'll double check on that too."

"Before or after them?" Agnes asked.

"Before," Don said, he wanted to sound confident.

Agnes nodded.

"And let's make sure you shower everyday," Don said. "It's hygienic."

Agnes nodded.

"We should probably pack some in your backpack for school," Don said.

"I have to do this at school?!" Agnes asked.

"Yeah, you don't get a week off school every month," Don said. "Sorry."

Agnes sniffled.

"And honey, it's a natural thing," Don said as he jostled her leg. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about or worried about. Every single woman has her period."

"Miss Hershey too?" Agnes asked about her teacher.

Miss Hershey was probably sixty, and Don didn't think they needed to talk about menopause.

"Yeah, her too," Don nodded.

Agnes looked at him wide eyed. "Every woman?"

"Yep," Don nodded. "How about we start a tradition? When you get your period, you get to choose what we're getting for take-out that night?"

Agnes smiled. "I like that."

Don nodded. "Okay, so think about what you want for supper and I'll place the order and get it when I get Kit."

"Okay." Agnes smiled.

"Do you want one of your books?" Don asked.

Agnes nodded and he went to her room to get her a couple books. While she read, Don googled menstruation and figured out some things that they both needed to know.

The next night, he was grateful Sheila was watching the kids and let her in on Agnes getting her period if they wanted to talk about anything. Sheila said she'd chat with Agnes and Don wanted to pay her double.

"How's Agnes?" Linnea asked him when he walked into her house to pick her up.

"Okay," Don said. "I hope I handled it well."

"I'm sure you did great," Linnea said as she kissed him softly on the lips. "We all think we're going to die in the beginning and then it just becomes an annoyance."

Don chuckled.

He watched her walk to a side table and take something off it and hand it to him.

"I got Astrid to pick this up," she said as she handed him the book. He looked down and read Every Girl's Guide to Your Period.

"Thanks," Don said as he flipped through the pages.

"I thought this one had the right amount of information without being too technical," Linnea said as she leaned in and looked at some of the pages with him.

Don closed the book and looked up at her. "Linnea, thanks."

"You're welcome," she said with a smile.

"You look gorgeous," he said as he took in the sight of her in her wine coloured fitted dress.

She smiled at him and patted his lapel. Over the last six months, she'd only met his kids a few times, usually at his front door when she was picking him up. She had spoken with them a little and they seemed to like her, what they knew of her. Agnes called Linnea 'daddy's lady friend' but didn't seem to have any animosity toward the woman.

"How was last night?" Don asked her.

"Very fancy," Linnea chuckled.

"You go to fancy things all of the time," Don said as he took her wrist and pulled her closer. "For you to say it's fancy, it must have been really fancy."

They were nose to nose and he could feel the heat between them. Their sex life had been electrifying.

She leaned in and kissed him softly before she pulled back.

"That's it?" Don asked her surprised.

"We don't have time to do what you want to do, and get to my own Embassy Christmas party on time," Linnea joked. "I am the host."

"Party pooper," Don chuckled.

"Stay over tonight?" Linnea asked.

"I didn't ask Sheila if she would stay," Don said, regretting that he had not thought of that. He'd only stayed away from his kids a handful of times and each time Sheila had stayed over. "I'll text her, but she may not be able to."

Linnea nodded and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders, and they walked to Don's car and ten minutes later were at the Embassy.

"It's a formal introduction tonight because I am the host," Linnea whispered into his ear as they stood in the hallway before some large doors.

"What's that mean?" Don asked.

"You'll see," Linnea smiled at him, a glint in her eye.

"Linnea, what's that mean?" Don asked quietly.

She straightened her back and nodded to the man at the door.

"The Ambassador for Sweden, Linnea Bakir, and her companion Donald Ressler," the man announced as the doors opened and all 150 people at the reception stood clapping for them.

"Holy shit," Don said under his breath and Linnea chuckled at his reaction.

"We're the first dance as well," Linnea said into his ear.

"You didn't tell me on purpose," Don said with a smirk.

"Did I?" Linnea asked with a devilish smirk to match his.

The Embassy was decorated beautifully for the holidays and the reception was progressing without an issue. Don managed his way through a dance with 150 people staring at them, and realized that he'd finally won over her staff when no one approached him with an odd question about his background all evening.

"You don't have two left feet Ressler," Aram said with a smile as he approached his friend.

"Ballet as a child," Don said with a smirk. "It was everyone watching that was the most intimidating part."

"Yeah, your neck was red the entire time," Aram chuckled.

"I hate being a ginger some days," Don sighed.

Just then Linnea came up beside them and took Don's drink from his hand to take a drink herself.

"I don't know where I left mine," she said to the pair of them while she drank Don's red wine.

"You know, there are these people called waiters…" Don offered before she handed him his drink back.

"And this is far more convenient," Linnea smiled at him.

"For who?" Don asked as he looked down at his near-empty glass.

Aram chuckled at the exchange.

Linnea smiled at him and Don wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her into the side of his body kissing the side of her face.

"I see the Russians lurking," Don said quietly to her and Aram.

"Yes," Linnea sighed. "I have already danced with him twice so he can corner me."

Don looked over his shoulder at Maxim, the ambassador for Russia talking with the Ambassador of France. The French Ambassador looked like she was also looking for an opportunity to get away.

"Next time he asks, say that you've been putting me off all night and can't dance with anyone else until you get me back on the floor," Don said as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "He's being a god damned diplomatic bully."

Linnea chuckled at his assessment and reached for his wine again, finishing what was left of it in one gulp.

"Hey!" Don teased.

"Darling, feel free to find…what do you call them…waiters?" Linnea smiled devilishly at him before she nodded to Aram and left them to go and circulate.

"The little devil," Don smirked as he looked at his empty glass and then Aram.

Aram looked at him strangely.

"What?" Don asked, still chuckling from her act.

"You're falling in love," Aram said plainly, his expression unreadable.

"Aram…" Don started and wanted to vigorously deny what he said but stopped.

His heart raced when he was around Linnea, yet also calmed. He couldn't wait to see her, but also knew they lead aspects of their lives that were very separate and that was okay. He loved to make her laugh, and there was this look she gave him across a room that made him feel like they were the only two people standing there. He wanted to hear about her days and shared what he could of his at the FBI. She made him feel light. He liked the feel of her hand in his, her body against his, her reactions to him. He loved that she cared about his children and asked about his kids, but didn't try and force her way into their family. He loved her.

"I can see from the look on your face, that this may be new information to you as well, and…"

"Give me a second," Don said as he placed down his empty wine glass and walked out onto the terrace to get some air. He needed to think, or maybe just feel, he wasn't sure.

Don stood on the terrace listening to the party going on behind him, looking out on the beautiful gardens covered in the thinnest layer of snow and breathed deeply. He scrubbed at his face and tried to let the cool air clear his head. It wasn't like he was actively trying to not fall in love, he'd just never really thought about it. He hadn't thought about the consequences of it, on his life, on the kids, on hers. He had stupidly moved forward with a relationship without thinking of the end game or the consequence or…Liz. Don swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Liz.

Would he be happy staying committed to Liz, in his own way, for the rest of his days while dating women and sleeping with them while the woman he loved lay in a grave? Could he still love Liz and love someone else? Don looked down at his wedding ring. It had been over 6 years since Liz died, at what point, or was there ever a point, that he stopped longing for her?

But god, he longed for Linnea. She was wickedly funny, incredibly sexy, beyond smart, and he felt like every time they were together, he was the most important person in the room. When the rest of your life has you thinking you are always serving other people's needs, with the kids or at work, it felt nice to be the one someone else thought of first. One year of Linnea's five had passed in her posting and then she would be going back to Sweden or another posting and not here, was that something that should determine whether he stepped deeper into this or backed away?

Don wasn't sure how long he stood there in the cold thinking of how he had stumbled into being in love with another person, but he had. He had to admit he had. But what he did with that knowledge was what he needed to decide next. He rubbed his hands together for warmth, a tux was no match for this cold. Don started to consider all of the scenarios. She and he backing away, what he'd miss as a result and what he'd go back to. She and he moving forward, and her leaving in less than 4 years. She and he…

"This could be completely one-sided," Don huffed, his breath creating white cloud around him.

"What's one-sided?" Linnea asked as she walked up beside him and noted his pale complexion and blue-ish tinge to his lips. "My god, how long have you been out here?"

"I'm not sure," Don said as he looked at her next to him in her knee length dress and heels.

He moved to take off his tux jacket and she stopped him with a hand on his chest.

"Why are you out here?" She asked, concern on her features.

"You're going to freeze," he said, avoiding her question.

"I'm a Swede, this is nothing," Linnea offered, meeting his eyes. "Don?"

He swallowed hard and gave her a small smile.

"I'm just thinking," he said, trying to make this moment not the anxiety attack it had been.

"Thinking?" Linnea asked, not sure he had explained enough.

Don nodded.

"What's one sided?" Linnea asked, going back to what she heard him say as she walked outside.

Don looked out over the garden, put to bed for the winter, and then back at her. He decided that being honest was what she deserved and was probably the only thing that would calm him down.

"I love you," Don said simply as he looked at her.

A series of expressions passed over her face so quickly that Don wasn't sure if he imagined them or actually saw them.

She took a step away from him and looked out over the gardens.

"These gardens were built by Henrietta Lind, the wife of Ambassador Fredrik Lind in the late 1970's," Linnea said as she looked out over the gardens. "She said that America was so different from Sweden that she needed to build some Sweden here. Swedes plan gardens like this one with soft and smooth shapes and hard and soft structures for balance. It's minimalist and light and wild all at the same time. And, because of temperatures we tend to have plants lower to the ground, but hearty and rich in colour."

Don looked at her confused. He had just told her he loved her, and she had given him a history of the garden at the Embassy.

She then turned to face him. "I am the minimalist smooth design."

Don nodded, she was that.

"And you are the wild and soft features," Linnea said.

He could see an array of emotions coming to the surface on her face.

"I have avoided this experience for most of my life," Linnea said, honestly. "I have had other companions, lovers, friends…but they were always just that."

Don swallowed hard.

"I love you as well," she said simply. "But I don't know what to do with that."

Don gave her a soft smile.

She stepped toward him and slipped slightly on the stone and Don caught her by the elbow.

"Maybe we don't have to know what to do with it," Don said as he pulled her toward him, so she was safe.

She nodded. "You excite and scare the hell out of me."

Don chuckled.

"Right back at you," he said.

She laughed and leaned her forehead against his chest looking down at the ground between them.

"There's nothing uncomplicated about this Linnea," he said as he kissed the back of her head. "But I'm willing to step into this if you are."

She pulled her head up and kissed him softly on the lips, her breath warm in his mouth and her body molded to his. When they parted, she nodded 'yes' and he smiled down at her.

To be continued…