Sorry about being absent yesterday. Had to take a mental health day for once.
Steve returned to the homicide office torn between excitement, and a foreboding worry about the repercussions of his prior behavior. The drive back downtown had been spent mostly in silence. The few things he did say and the clues he tied together caused Mike to nod quietly, but that was it.
Eventually, he resigned to the fact that it would take a while for the Lieutenant's anger to simmer down to a more controlled level, before they could both move on from the mishap of his frustration getting the better of him.
Hopefully, some more findings would do the trick.
As such, he settled on a quick detour to the R&I Offices upon their return, hoping that a few hours of separation would help soothe the frayed edges of their partnership the previous events had caused.
Entering the bullpen and avoiding the sideways glances from both, Healy and Hassejian, he ran a nervous hand across his lilac tie and walked over to his desk, before dropping the paperwork down and taking off the still damp suit jacket.
Nodding a quiet greeting at Tanner, who seemed intrigued at the strange tension filling the homicide office, Steve meandered over to the coffee machine. Sensing that Mike had long noted his return, he glanced up but found the Lieutenant deeply engrossed in a case file.
Knowing that the lack of eye contact and recognition was deliberate, Steve sighed, before dropping a dime in the change jar and returning to his desk. No calls from the airport yet meant that Cindy at the rental car counter might still be working on getting him a better image of their suspect hitman leaving the terminal.
At least it would give R&I a solid start to dig into Vlad's background.
Running a tired hand through his now dry hair, Steve fretfully loosened his tie and glanced through his stack of papers once more, as he summoned the courage to express his findings to Mike. He wasn't so much afraid of facing the Lieutenants wrath; it was the disappointment he saw in his best friend's eyes that was unbearable. Three years of working hard to be accepted as equals in a department that mostly consisted of police officers much older than him; and one stupid mishap was all it took for him to feel reduced back to a college-fresh rookie.
Cursing his latest lack of self-control once again, Steve swallowed his qualms for the time being, before grabbing his file and coffee and heading over to Mike's office. He knocked carefully and waited until his partner glanced up from his report, a faint nod granting him access.
"Close the door.", Mike said without as much as a greeting, his voice unreadable, as Steve dropped his materials onto the large desk.
"This will only take a few min-", he began when his partner's stern blue eyes shot up from the report again.
"I said close the door, Inspector.", he reiterated louder, causing Steve to flinch. Looking at the other guys in the bullpen like a much-needed lifeline, he saw Dan and Norm exchange glances from across the room, while Tanner raised his eyebrows but kept his head low.
Closing the door and taking a deep breath as if it was his last, Steve turned around and walked up to his partner's desk, too nervous to say anything. When he let his long fingers trace the file by his coffee cup, Mike cleared his throat before motioning for the guest chair.
"Sit down."
Steve slowly slid into the chair, trying to keep his eyes focused on the paperwork he so desperately wanted to discuss, but knowing that it wouldn't be happening quite yet.
Across from him, Mike exhaled slowly, his bright blue eyes seemingly burning a hole into his skull. When he finally did summon the strength to look up, some warmth and compassion had returned to the Lieutenant's stern features.
"I spent the past hour and a half in Condon's office along with Olsen and Lieutenant O'Brian, discussing what happened and what needs to get done to rectify the situation…After I found out that Dixon left out certain details about the condition of Clarence's protective custody when seeking permission to bring him in for questioning; I filed a formal complaint against him and had a stern talk with O'Brian. Clarence never should have been moved to begin with. If anything happens to him as a result of this poor decision, Dixon will be held responsible and there will be a full IA investigation. And speaking of which, Dixon planned to file a formal grievance against you."
Steve swallowed hard when Mike deliberately paused for a second, wanting to ensure that his words would sink in. Nodding in understanding, the young Inspector leaned back in his chair, bracing for the bad news.
"I spoke with both Olsen and O'Brian and explained that your…unprofessional conduct could possibly be linked to the after-effects of the PCP injection and that Dr. Burkall would be able to back that theory up. O'Brian agreed to have any grievances dropped under the condition that I would personally see to it that such…behavior would not occur again."
Not able to maintain eye contact any longer, Steve let his head sink to his chest and sighed, as he replayed the petty scenario in his head. Polar opposites when it came to their upbringing and views on life; he and Dixon had always been on edge with each other. At least working the Streets in Vice had allowed them to channel their pent-up energy in constructive ways. And once he switched to Homicide and Marc was no longer in his life, Steve had found himself calming down and being able to focus on his work far more, to an extent, even enjoy it.
Then there was his new partner.
Little did Steve realize just how much Mike's gentle guidance and nurturing had changed him in three short years.
At least until today.
"Now, we've been through some pretty heavy stuff together, haven't we?", Mike nudged, causing him to nod faintly, "And chances are that some of the worst might still lie ahead. It's not getting any safer out there, you and I…we both know that."
As if to ponder his words some more, Mike stood up from behind his desk and poured himself some water from the nearby carafe, before continuing.
"It makes it even more important that we need to be able to rely on each other. Trust each other unconditionally. That we communicate well. That you follow my orders when they're for your own protection. And that you use sound judgment, and not some misguided testosterone, when it comes to dealing with people like Dixon."
Looking back up at his partner and best friend, Steve nodded solemnly and watched Mike approach, before leaning up against the desk right next to him.
"Had the situation been handled correctly, I could have undoubtedly proven to Olsen that getting Vice involved would be a bad idea. I could have spent the last hour and a half helping you in our research or look for Clarence myself. But instead, you allowed your emotions to take over when you should have used your head. It caused internal waves and friction when we least needed it."
Putting special emphasis on that last sentence, Mike's stern voice grew quieter, as he shook his head. Steve tried to glance up at him, but found it to be impossible to maintain eye contact and see the disappointment in his best friend's face.
And the look that reminded him incessantly that he should have known better. And done better. And acted his rank.
"I am sorry, Mike. I really am. You're right…maybe I have been a little on edge lately."
Even saying those words didn't seem to make him feel better. But at least it was out in the open now. Next to him, Mike put a warm hand on his shoulder, as he took a sip of water before smiling genuinely.
"That's putting it mildly."
Steve straightened out, readying himself for a tirade of reasons for every callous and downright stupid thing he'd done over the last few weeks, just like he practiced before he came back upstairs; but Mike was quicker and shook his head.
"Easy now…easy. Just relax…It's been a rough few days between this case and your parents breathing down your neck. That can be difficult to handle, I get that…But I think what's been happening is that you've been bottling up all that stress too much, and it's starting to make you volatile. It's affected your behavior and made you moodier than usual. And it caused you to make some very poor decisions in the last few days. You're in a line of work where something like that can get you killed. And others too. And nobody wants that to happen, especially not me."
There was a pause when a slight quiver in Mike's voice signaled just how much this situation had gone under his own skin. Waiting quietly and silently for the Lieutenant to regain his composure, Steve drew in a deep breath and tried to relax his rigid back, only to find that he couldn't. Weeks on end of death, destruction and personal drama had left their marks on both, his body and his mind.
"Just remember that you're allowed to be human every once in a while. You gotta let that stress out. Talk to me about what's going on…or some of the guys. You don't have to be ashamed about being tired or stressed out. You don't have to hide your troubles and pretend that everything is alright when it's not and the pressure is eating you up…Stephen, you are part of the team. These guys out there consider you family. They worry about you, just like I do. Remember, you work with a bunch of the best Homicide Inspectors in San Francisco. Believe me; they put two and two together the first time your mother called here three years ago."
"This whole family situation of mine is an embarrassment I'd rather not drag anybody else into…", Steve growled defensively and clenched his jaw, only to feel Mike's hand squeeze his shoulder even tighter.
"Oh Buddy Boy, settle down, will you? I think it's time you realize something very important. Family isn't the names appearing on your birth certificate. Family…that's the people who care deeply about you and want you to succeed. It's the people who have a special place for you right here."
Putting a hand over his heart, Mike pursed his lips for a moment, swallowing down the emotions that surfaced when he said those words. Waiting a moment until the glistening beads in his eyes disappeared again, the Lieutenant swallowed hard, before continuing.
"It's the people who will not hesitate to lay their life on the line to save yours. And you are surrounded by them, trust me."
Steve glanced down when his own emotions threatened to get the better of him once again. Except this time, he didn't feel the stress that the mentioning of his parents typically brought on. He felt something entirely different.
For the first time since he permanently parted ways with his family and started his career in law enforcement, Steve felt like he belonged.
Mike must have sensed his deep brooding and cleared his throat, before pointing at the file resting on his desk.
"Now, please…tell me you found something more on our hitman…"
Snapping out of his emotional state at the sheer notion of progress, Steve nodded before pointing at the parking garage downstairs.
"Still working on some details on our hitman, but I got a couple other irons in the fire. Just like you said, I got a hold of Lieutenant Polowski and he was able to provide us four patrol units to look for Clarence. I gave him all his usual hangouts, plus there's two clubs he might hang out at later tonight and I want to check them out myself, if that's alright with you…The spent shell casings belong to a Russian OTs-02 Kiparis, a 9x18mm caliber Makarov machine gun with 30 round capacity, looks like he reloaded it twice.…I got a call into the few local dealers that handle these types of weapons. Unless he smuggled it over here via sea transport, we might be able to get some info on our hitman from that angle. And lastly, I think I figured out who exactly hired him and why. I don't know about you, but I have some questions for his employer I've wanted to get answered for a long time…Are we safe to leave or does Olsen still want Williams and Marc to join us?"
Shaking his head, Mike smiled gleefully before finishing his water and getting up.
"We're going to be on our own for the time being, Buddy Boy. Turns out Williams twisted his wrist trying to pry you two fighting cocks apart and as far as Dixon is concerned…he's going to be busy answering some questions himself for the next few hours."