AN: hey fam! First, thanks for sharing your thoughts with me, I appreciate them. It's always nice to know what the audience thinks, and of course, thanks for continuing to read! I'm going on a year of writing this fic and I honestly did not know where this would end up or that it would take over 150k words to get through GoF lmao. But it's ALMOST JUNE and a lot is about to go down and much will change. There will be some Cedric heavy chapters coming up and Snape will play less of a role in the chapters until after the third-task. :( Sorry for my Snape fans, but after the third task it'll go back to being the normal set-up, so I hope you'll stick around. OotP will be a fuuuun book to get into, so I'm looking forward to it.
Stay healthy 33
"Did you come from the orphanage too?" the little girl before Penny asked.
"Orphanage? I live at Hogwarts," said Penny.
"Oh, so you're not an orphan then. . ." the girl said, looking disappointed.
"Er, well I am an orphan, I just don't live at an orphanage."
The girl's blue eyes brightened as she looked back up at Penny.
"They let you into Hogwarts even though you're an orphan?"
"What? Of course they did, why should being an orphan stop that?" asked Penny, feeling thoroughly perplexed.
"The keepers ," she whispered looking around nervously, "they said Hogwarts doesn't like orphans because our magic isn't as strong, that's why they bring us here, to help us," she went on, her brows furrowed in suspicion.
"Who are the keepers?" Penny asked, a chill rolling up her spine as the words left her mouth.
The girl did not answer, instead she stiffened, her eyes fixed on something Penny could not see. "They're coming," she said, her eyes glazing over. "It'll be for you. When it hurts, I hold onto this," she handed Penny a small jade knight which must have been taken from a chess set. "Be brave" she whispered. Penny tried to reach out to the girl but screaming pierced her ears, shards of glass bursting around them, the girl before her vanishing.
"Miss Potter!"
Penny's eyes snapped open but her consciousness was lingering in the darkness of her dream. She looked up, unseeing, into the frown lines of Professor McGonagall, cold sweat clinging to every inch of her body.
"Sorry, Professor, I don't know what happened," Penny said, wiping the sweat from her face.
"Madam Pomfrey advised me you may be experiencing some lingering symptoms, perhaps it would be good if you were to visit her," Professor McGonagall said, scrutinizing Penny's face.
"No!" Penny said loudly, causing the other Gryffindor's to laugh. "I'm fine, I feel alright now," Penny went on. The last place she wanted to be was trapped in the clutches of Poppy Pomfrey again.
"Alright," Professor McGonagall said, pausing for a moment. "Then perhaps you can tell us what Emeric Switch says about transfiguring larger creatures, since so far it seems Ms. Granger was the only one to do the reading," she said, looking around severely at the class.
"It's harder to transfigure larger creatures because most people have a poor concept of mass which produces an unclear mental picture when transfiguring. Imagining it is a bit of a puzzle isn't it? How larger pieces can be fit together into something smaller, that's how I think of it, at least," Penny said, absentmindedly.
She wasn't yet full awake, her brain still trying to grasp onto the dream she'd been having before her Professor woke her up.
"Excellent, Miss Potter, you and Granger are exempt from tonight's homework. As for the rest of you, I expect one piece of parchment on this principle," she said as the bell rang.
The class groaned as they packed their things. Harry peered at Penny with his bright green eyes, worry lining the edge of his mouth.
"You never fall asleep in class," he pointed out as they and Ron and Hermione made their way back to the Gryffindor common room.
"I don't know. It was like, one moment I was awake and then I wasn't," Penny said, still feeling dazed.
"I feel that way during every Transfiguration lesson," Ron shrugged.
"Ron!" Hermione said, disapprovingly.
'What? We all aren't insane like you, Hermione."
"Do you think dying gives someone a connection to the. . .erm, other-side?" Penny asked, awkwardly.
"Of course not !" Hermione said at the exact moment Ron said "Of course!"
Both Harry and Penny grinned at each other as Ron and Hermione stared daggers at each other.
"Oh c'mon Ron, you've taken divination for four years and now you say you believe that rubbish?"
"Divination is rubbish, but what Penny is talking about is different, isn't it? When you die you cross the veil, but those who come back only make it partially across the threshold. But that foot that makes it across is enough for someone or something to cross back over," said Ron, looking at Penny as though she were cursed.
"People can't come back from the dead!' Hermione said in an exasperated tone.
"Obviously, Hermione. The only connection to this world is to the person through whom they crossed," Ron replied equally as exasperated. "What'd you bring back with you?" he went on, turning suspiciously on Penny.
"I don't know, I just keep dreaming of this girl, and I'm sure I've never met her before," Penny admitted quietly, feeling slightly foolish.
"This happened to my great uncle, Albert or something. You need to die again ASAP it's the only way to get rid of the connection, otherwise it gets stronger. My Uncle reckons his started speaking to him non-stop everyday until he could no longer tell which voices were coming from the people around him and which was the one only he could hear. He was always having three different conversations, it was really weird."
"What happened to him?" Harry asked.
"He tried to die again to get rid of the voice and didn't come back the second time," Ron said, waving it off as a minor technicality.
"Don't you think that sounds more like he had a pre-existing mental health issue?" Hermione said, her eyes narrowing skeptically. "Penny, I don't think it's unusual to feel. . .distress after an experience of this nature, and I've had all sorts of dreams of people I've never met," she said, turning to Penny with a kind expression.
"Yeah," Penny said, trying to force herself to believe Hermione was right, but something about the dreams was bothering her.
She plopped down on the sofa not wanting to think about the reading she should start while she had a free period. Harry sat down beside her, his eyes looking equally as distant as Penny's own.
"You're thinking about Crouch again aren't you," Penny accused.
"No!" he said, defensively. "I was thinking about Snape, actually. Do you think he tried to kill you on purpose?" Harry asked with no hesitation in his voice.
Both Ron and Hermione's heads snapped from their bags to watch the pair of them. Penny had to suppress an exasperated sigh, she was expecting something like this from Harry.
"He's a Professor, Harry and Lupin was there," Hermione said in an almost pitying tone.
"He was a Death Eater, he's probably killed loads of people and it's not like he stuck around to bring you back," Ron pointed out.
"Not this again. Just because he was a Death Eater does not make him one forever. People can change," Penny snapped.
"Penny I know that you are blind when it comes to him, for whatever insane reason you have, but you have to agree, it's a bit fishy that every time something has gone wrong with your magic lately, he's been involved," Harry exclaimed.
"I told you, Lupin thinks it's because I found him so early," said Penny, growing more irritated.
"But as a coordinate, he can manipulate you, Lupin also said that, and he was afraid of Snape doing just that!" Harry pressed.
"And what would killing me do for Severus Snape? Hmm?" Penny challenged.
"I don't know, but he's up to something Penny, he and Karkaroff. I just think it'd be a good idea if you spent less time with him," said Harry.
Penny slumped back against the cushion and looked up at the ceiling, taking a long slow breath in. "He's been avoiding me, so that won't be hard to do."
"See! He's guilty!" Ron chimed in.
"Oh yes Ronald, but tell me, what mass murderer, as you claim Snape to be, feels guilt? By your logic shouldn't he be trying to see Penny so we can try again and make sure she stays dead?" said Hermione rounding on Ron.
The two began bickering but Penny did not have the patience to listen. Instead, she gathered her bag, prodded Harry in his mind, I'm going for some fresh air, see you in DADA. Harry wanted to continue their discussion, being unsatisfied with her response, but he let her go without protest after looking at the dark circles beneath her eyes. However, that did not mean he would not broach the subject again later.
Penny found the garden devoid of students, which was odd on such a sunny day. She took a deep breath, letting the chilly spring air fill her lungs before her eyes fell on the slender form that was sitting on the garden ledge, his back to her. He was the explanation for why the garden was not bursting with chattering students, they were fearful of eliciting the displeasure of the potions master.
Snape had not noticed her, and Penny rather felt like keeping it that way. His legs dangled over the ledge of the wall, his eyes fixed on the Forbidden Forest. Penny wondered what he was thinking about. He looked rather serene with the bright sun blazing against his pale skin and shiny black hair. From a distance, Penny even thought he looked pretty, being unable to see the characteristic scowl that lingered on his features.
A tentative step took her forward, she wanted to talk to the man, to ask him about the other day. Every time they'd crossed paths since Penny's encounter with death, Snape appeared to pretend to not notice her and moved in a direction decidedly away from her. Penny could not say for certain Snape was avoiding her, but she was pretty well convinced he was.
Mustering her courage, Penny strode forward, stepped onto the ledge and plopped down beside her potions master. He turned severely on her only to turn away quickly when he realized it was her.
"I did not take you for the bird watching sort, Professor," Penny said, casually.
"Congratulations, Ms. Potter, you are correct," Snape said, stiffly.
"Ah, the castle feel a bit stifling today, then?"
"What would give you that impression," he said, tersely.
"Because it's why I came out here," Penny admitted, looking up into the sky and soaking in the sun.
Through the corner of her eyes she saw the man glance at her only to force himself back into his deadpan stare into the distance. He made no effort to respond to her, the silence growing rather awkwardly.
"When I was little I used to believe that the birds carried our memories. You can never tell where they are coming from or to where they seek to go, so I fancied they were recording all this to take with them as they moved through time and space, passing these moments onto our future selves," Penny went on, her eyes falling onto Snape's face, noticing for the first time how tired he seemed.
Penny was used to seeing purple circles like those on Lupin, but never her potions master. It startled and intrigued her. Sometimes she forgot Severus Snape was actually human, and things kept him awake at night.
"That sounds like the kind of illformed explanation one expects from muggles when they cannot explain something," said Snape, his fingers clenching the ledge they sat upon.
"You think? Is it really so different from reality? Do not the birds carry the thoughts of wizards to each other?" Penny mused out loud.
"Birds are a mere convenience, what you describe is a fabrication that serves no purpose."
"It's purpose has always been to give me comfort," Penny said, her voice quiet.
"And there's your problem, searching for what is not real to solve your problems," Snape snapped, still refusing to look at her.
"Is that what brings you comfort, Professor Snape, being able to fix things yourself? Is that why you left? Were you afraid of feeling helpless?"
Snape's jaw clenched several times and he got to his feet, his features angry, but still directed away from her.
"If you came here looking to fabricate meaning where none exists you chose wrong. Lupin is better suited for the deluding of reality, I imagine it's the only way he can live with it," Snape sneered.
"It seems to me it's you who is the one deluding reality," Penny said, slightly irritated.
"Of course you do, tell me, what is it this time?" Snape said, icily.
"I didn't stay dead, Professor, I came back," Penny said, her tone oddly pleading.
"How very clever of you, Potter, what gave it away? Was it your pulse or did you need some bird to tell you?" he said, his voice laced with condescension.
"Why won't you look at me?" Penny pressed, ignoring his jab.
She got to her own feet and reached for his crossed arms, to which he yanked away from her hold, his teeth bared, but still, his eyes fixed on the distance.
"It wasn't your fault," Penny said in a shaking voice.
"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT-" he screamed, his deranged features finally turning on her. "You don't know the choices I've made, you just look at that which allows you to continue in your delusion. It's time to wake up, Potter! You don't know anything about me and you never will!" he seethed, his face quickly draining of all its color and his eyes bulging.
"Haven't we made it past this stupid phase of pushing each other away? We're stuck with each other, and frankly, I liked things the way they were," Penny said, defiantly
"Yes, because your experience is the only one that matters," he spat.
"I've never said that, you're putting words in my mouth. But haven't the last few days shown us we should be working on this?"
"The only thing that is evident after these last two days is we should see less of each other," Snape said, coldly.
"What are you, dumping me?" Penny half laughed.
Snape's mouth was a thin line, his eyes flashing as he looked into Penny's green eyes. It felt like they were separated by a crater that was impossible to cross. He stood above her on his tower, refusing to allow her entry. It was a horrible feeling, realizing she could not reach him.
"I am your Professor, nothing more."
"Bullshit, we're friends, you told me so. You don't get to take it all back just because you're afraid!" Penny said, her face burning.
"Continuing this way is foolish futility. I imagine you will find something to distract yourself with, so spare me your disingenuous dramatics."
"This is a break up!" Penny said, incredulously.
"I have made myself plain and see no further reason to continue on in this manner if you will not listen, good day, Ms Potter," Snape said in a forced calm, and then he turned on his heel, stepped from the ledge and disappeared around the garden's bend with a swish of his cloak.
"It's you you're running from!" Penny yelled after him, enraged.
Penny blinked, utterly bemused.. Did the stupid, stupid man actually just dump her? Of course he took the most patronizing route possible so Penny would be too shocked to protest. Him and his fear of emotional intimacy was the most irksome trait. How hard would it be to just talk like normal humans for one moment in his life? Instead, he acted like his life depended on him keeping up his facade, like he was a spy afraid of his double life coming undone. It made Penny want to strangle him, for such a stern man he was really quite melodramatic.
"Penny!" a smooth voice called.
Penny turned to look down at Malfoy who was standing in the grass just below her.
"Oh hey, Draco, what're up to?" Penny asked.
"Come down here and I'll show you."
"I can't jump that far!" Penny said, eyeing the rock beside Malfoy.
Penny remembered sitting on this ledge with Snape just over a year ago, talking about new year's resolutions. They'd fallen off this ledge which led to Snape sharing with Penny why he did not believe in them. The memory saddened Penny as she watched a bird soar over the Forbidden Forest. That conversation had been a much simpler time in their friendship, a time she wanted desperately to return to.
"I'll catch you, trust me," Draco said, extending his arms.
"You expect me to trust after you abandoned me last time," Penny accused.
"You know you love the risk," Draco winked.
"I'm wearing a skirt, you're about to get a full panty shot," Penny said, eyes narrowing.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but your panties don't excite me in the least," Draco drawled.
Penny snorted with laughter, looked around to ensure no one else was nearby to also see up her skirt, sat down and flung herself into Malfoy. He caught her with a surprisingly firm grasp.
"I'm going to tell Diggory you're swooning for me," Draco said with an arch of his brow as Penny remained in his arms a moment, examining his cool eyes.
She rolled her own eyes, pulled away and ensured her skirt was straight before following after Draco.
"So where are we headed, mystery man?"
"To do business," Draco replied, pulling a bag of joints from the pocket of his robes, giving Penny a sly smile from the corner of his mouth.
"Don't tell me Fred and George got to you," Penny sighed, giving the weed a wary look.
"My life of crime started after you gave me that bag Snape caught you with, so you can blame yourself," he said in a voice of mock innocence.
"That was desperation!" Penny said, defensively.
"That much was evident. It was probably one of the most comical scenes I have ever had the privilege to witness. Thank you for always entertaining me Penny, this place would be such a bore without you," he said, lazily.
"Glad you can find joy in my misfortune," Penny replied, darkly.
"Don't frown, you don't want to get wrinkles before that pretty boy of yours."
"I now understand why you dated Blaise Zabini. . ." Penny said, sardonically.
"Don't mention Blaise," Draco sneered.
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good," said Penny.
The Beauxbatons carriage was a few hundred feet ahead of them, a group of girls chattering in French standing just outside of it. Draco stopped and turned to face her. Penny realized they were the same height and how strange it was not to be looking up like she normally did with Cedric, Snape and Lupin.
"He's been hooking up with Theodore Nott," Draco practically spat.
Even though Draco tried to look more disgusted than anything, Penny could see the hurt in his eyes. Penny heard first love was complicated, but she never imagined it being this complicated. She leaned in and gave Draco a hug, which he was surprisingly receptive of.
"You know what you should do is give Nott a blow job and make sure Blaise finds out," Penny said, deviously.
Draco pulled away from Penny to scrutinize her face as though to discern if she were being serious or not. After a moment his cool eyes crinkled in amusement, and his pointer finger began to tap his lips in thought.
"Penny you brilliant little tart, why didn't I think of that."
Penny took a little bow, a smirk playing at the corners of her mouth. "If you thought of everything, you wouldn't need me, and I couldn't have that," Penny pouted.
Draco looked her up and down with that pretentious Malfoy air of his that made Penny feel distinctly like she was being appraised like some horse. He seemed to decide she was worthy, and grasped her shoulder affectionately.
"Stay here, the Beauxbatons spend a lot of time with the Durmstrangs and believe all that superstition about you," Draco said, looking irritated. "When I'm done we can continue to formulate this plan"
Penny nodded and he made his way to the group of girls, who's chatter seemed to get more fervent as he approached. Penny looked away towards the Forbidden Forest, her mind wandering back to Snape. Had the potions master meant what he said? Were they supposed to ignore each other from now until forever? What did he think that would accomplish? And how did Snape expect Penny to just ignore him when she was incapable of staying away from the man. The prospects of what he would employ to keep her away made her shudder.
However, Penny knew she could not dwell on her misery over the subject. At some point, Snape would have to confront their issues, he could not avoid her forever, their bond would not let him. So why not let him try and see for himself? She liked the prospect of him admitting he was an idiot and that he needed Penny.
But Penny needed to push this from her mind, it was already May and Harry's third task and their exams were quickly approaching, meaning Penny needed to get herself together. This was the last chance of whoever put Harry's name in the goblet of fire to try and kill him, which meant he needed to be as prepared as possible to face whatever June would bring.
With a heavy sigh, Penny turned to the tree just beside her where an ugly black bird sat, watching her.
"Tell future Snape he's an idiot and that I expect an apology at the end of this," Penny said to the bird, which cawed loudly and sprang from it's tree into flight, soaring through the light-blue sky to disappear in a cluster of puffy white clouds.
AN: if you've read the the AoT manga make yourself known. The reference is because I'm still recovering from it... lol. But no, I won't be doing anything serious with it.