Session 42

"As odd as this sounds … the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, it's connection with others." Damian sat back in his chair, his eyes absently watching Jet. "The key to unlocking this chain has got to be finding a way to reconnect you all to him. That will be our ultimate breakthrough."

Another week had passed with Damian finding no effective solution. The efforts to sideline Ed in all that time had failed as well, the inquisitive hacker had uncovered their dirty secret forcing them to let her come along—with a promise that she'd behave. She sat on the floor in front of Faye, playing with her goggles. They had yet to see Spike today.

"Have you tried an Alpha Catch?" Jet scratched his temple.

"It is true that dreams, especially nightmares, are the things the subconscious is working out because the conscious doesn't know what to do with it. At the very least it would confirm what his brain is obsessing over. Well, an Alpha Catch certainly wouldn't work with him fully sedated. We need at least some activity. But … hrm … perhaps if we only brought him halfway out of it."

"Crazy people stay at asylums." Ed murmured to herself. "Has Spike-person gotten the crazies?"

All eyes drifted to her. For a full tension-riddled minute no one said a word.

Not addressing the odd teenager, Damian hit the com. A nurse answered. "Have Spike Spiegel brought to the exam room and hooked up to the Alpha Catch."

"Right away."

He shrugged and leaned back in his chair. "It's worth a shot. Maybe we can find some pattern to what's troubling him. At this point I've been working off of the scan data and the chemical signals, which are telling enough."

Putting her goggles on her head, Ed grinned. "Can Ed watch what's in Spike's head? His head TV has better fight scenes than the movies. They look super real."

Faye touched her shoulder. "Kiddo, remember what he said."

"That was about hacking his eye. We're not doing that again, are we? Cause Ed didn't bring Tomato."

Sitting up a bit straighter Damian eyed Jet. "Do I want to know what she's talking about?"

He scratched the back of his neck. "Probably not. But that is a valid warning. Spike's not overly fond of people hard-wiring to his cybernetic eye. Even when it does save his ass."

Damian sat staring at the scans, specifically the one that showed the wiring and micro-computer for the fake eye, before he muttered, "Ingenious. That would have revealed precisely what he was seeing, even in a coma."

"Which was why we did it. There was no way the Alpha Catch would have been able to reach it when his consciousness was still being held captive by Morpheus."

"Something else that is still entirely fascinating. What he achieved is nothing short of astonishing—and profoundly taboo, might I add."

The com buzzer interrupted. "Doctor, we're ready."

He stood and gestured toward the door. "You can come if you want to. But a forewarning, this my not be pleasant."

"Heh, I've already tromped through that sludge once." Jet rose to his feet. "Besides, you said we needed to find a way to reconnect to him. Can't do that if we're not there."

Back through the security door they went, with Ed between them, her eyes drifted around the place as Faye kept her on course, steering by the shoulder. "Come on, we're going to see Spike."

Inside the exam room, the first time they had been in the same room with him since bringing him here, the nurse shut door. No longer in the straight jacket, Spike lay on a gurney thoroughly strapped down. Jet was certain that was a precaution. The Alpha Catch helmet in place on Spike's head, only this wasn't a second market knockoff, this was a heavy duty model.

At the IV control, Damian ran his finger on a dial. "Ok, we'll bring him just to the point we get a signal. Don't want to overdo it, for his sake."

It took a few minutes but Spike's eyes cracked open and the screen went from static to form vague images. A familiar grim corridor sent a shiver down Jet's spine, the vile pit that Morpheus had concentrated all of Spike's nightmares into. At least he lay still, not conscious enough for the signals to reach his muscles.

The nurse adjusted the reception of the Alpha Catch, clearing the static from the images and sound. Damian nodded. "A bit more … there! Ok. We're going to hold him here for a bit. Come on, what's going on in there? What's hanging up?"

Mao stood in the center of the screen, apparently live and well, younger than the crew had seen him. "You cannot possibly blame me for the death of your parents. They could have lived. All they had to do was serve the syndicate. Imagine what we could have done with their research. In the end it was their choice that left you an orphan."

"And you took advantage of that!" Spike's strained voice cracked over the channel. "Bastard! You posed as a savior as you condemned me to hell."

"I offered you a life."

"I was a child!"

"Clever beyond your years … "

"I was still naive as hell! You murdered me by binding me to your service. My father didn't want to serve the Red Dragons. What makes you think I would have?"

Mao held out a hand and smiled. "You did so well, my boy."

"I am not your boy!" The clink of a chain echoed.

Jet drew in a breath, recalling the monument within Somnus. The massive grave stone with Spike's date of birth and the day he faked his death to leave the syndicate.

"You Mao—you posed as a friend, but you took everything from me. My parents, a normal life, my future!"

"Me? Well, it wasn't my fault they fled to Deseado and onto our radar as remarkable scientists. That was the work of another. I merely took advantage of that windfall. And … least you forget who put everything on the line to secure your ability to see after your 'accident'."

A hand covered one eye, slightly obscuring the view. Mao vanished into the mists to a command, "Make him pay!" The shadowy figures, countless in number, descended on him, weapons brandished.

Stepping forward, Faye touched a finger to her chin. "Spike said something to me once … his eyes. The difference between them. One eye sees the present … the other … his past. I wonder, since the past is his problem now."

Slowly, she reached down and covered Spike's right eye. Nearly instantly the shadows on the screen faded in intensity.

Damian cocked his head. "Well now, isn't that interesting. I wonder if we combined an eye patch with some anti-psychotics if we might see at least some brief stability."

The moment Faye withdrew her hand the images on the screen re-surged.

Turning the sedative back up, Damian plunged Spike back into a deep sleep. "Enough of that for the moment." He smiled at Faye. "That was not something I would have considered. But I now have an approach to try."

"Why would that even work?" Jet raised a brow.

"The mind is a strange thing. I have not seen many patients with an implant quite like his. To be honest, that's a prototype. Most models don't have that sophisticated an onboard computer. Coming from the syndicate, I have to assume there are some serious emotional scars associated with it. What has been done to him has seriously disturbed him. If we can calm this down, get him back in touch with reality … " He eyed Spike and nodded. "It would be a step. The hard part is that doesn't begin to impact the issues of the neurological damage. I have a feeling that anything I have would give us a temporary window at best."

"A window is better than none at all."

At Spike's side, Ed stared at the now blank monitor. Eyes wide and jaw a bit slack. "Spike-person needs a pinwheel, mmm hmm."

Two days had passed without a word. All the more reason Faye was shocked to have gotten a call from Damian, a rather urgent one, summoning her to the asylum. The place still disturbed her in how much it reminded her of the physical Somnus building, only in far better repair and with an earnest staff in charge. To her shock Damian took her straight down to the cell marked C-118. "Thank you for coming right away." He nodded to inside the cell. "You should be right on time, as I had hoped. He asked for you."

"Me?" Faye couldn't believe her ears. "You mean … he's talking?"

Damian held up a cautionary hand. "The window is limited. But yes. He regains some brief control of himself. I'll let you inside once I'm sure the levels are safe. When I give you the signal you must leave quickly. Trust me. The compound I discovered does work, but we only get a short period of lucidity before the hallucinations break through." He watched a graph on the screen. "Provided he actually obtains it in the first place."

Her heart raced. Spike was talking again? This was great, an improvement. There was a glimmer of hope again. She gripped her over-shirt's tied sleeves and waited.

At last Damian opened the heavy locked door. "Remember—I tell you it's time, you have to go. Ok?"

She nodded and slowly entered the padded room, her heeled boots sunk into the soft floor. Halfway along the wall, Spike slumped in the straight jacket. As he lifted his face beneath his mussy hair she glimpsed the patch covering his right eye. His left had a darkened bag beneath it almost appearing bruised as he blinked slowly. But he wasn't fitting. He remained subdued, calm. "Hey … Spike." That felt awkward.

"Faye." He croaked before looking down. Damn he looked miserable, tethered up like that. The shame in his very posture. "You came … " he murmured, drawing his bare feet closer, "I didn't think you … "

Kneeling down, she placed a hand on his shoulder, he trembled, but not the same as before—this wasn't frantic. This was something else. "Of course I did. The moment Damian gave me the message. Why did you think I wouldn't?"

His left eye squeezed tight. She had the feeling that if he could have curled into a tight ball and vanished he would have. He tried to turn away from her, but in his current position that was impossible. "Because … I'm such a wreck."

"Hey, easy now. You're better today." She forced a smile, a hard gesture against the pain in her chest. He was better, that wasn't a lie, but that bar was so low as to nearly touch the floor. She combed her fingers through his snarled hair, careful not to hit the tie holding the patch in place.

That wasn't her imagination, he moved into the touch. "It … won't last. Faye … I don't know what to do … I can't … win … I can't … "

"Shhh. Stay calm. It's just us two in here at the moment." She glanced at Damian, he was in the doorway, not technically inside. "You're ok right now. You only see me, right?"

It took him effort, but shakily he lifted his head and looked around. A slow nod.

"See? You're in the real world now."

"Now, yes." His head lowered, the outline of his hands in the belted canvas sleeves changed from flat to fists. "You don't understand …" he snarled, "the fighting never ends!"

"You called for me instead of Jet … why?"

"I couldn't let him see me like this."

It wouldn't have mattered. Jet wouldn't have cared—no, actually he would have cared, a great deal. But Spike shivered, curling into himself again even as the canvas held him captive. He looked so fragile, so incredibly broken, this man that at one time she had considered unbreakable. That was the hardest thing of all—seeing him brought down so low. She remembered the shock of seeing him in Somnus, his stubborn efforts to reunite the crew against the odds.

More than once he had come for her. Now it was her turn to reach him. Her fingers caressed his right cheek willing him to stay conscious, connected. Here with her, now.

His lost eyes blinked slowly, trembling, no energy in his voice. "I can't do this anymore … I just can't … I'm tired, I can't take the memories, everything I was and did … Faye—I'm scared of losing myself … "

"Spike, stay with me." She forced him to look into her eyes. "We haven't given up. And we're not going to. So don't you dare. You hear me? Do you have any idea how pissed off Jet would be if you gave up?"

She'd hoped he would smile, but his somber gaze had no room for that.

Squeezing his shoulders she leaned in closer. "The Spike I know wouldn't let a bead-beat like Morpheus get the better of him. Not after we caught him and locked him up in his little black box." Her voice softened, "I know this is difficult, but … hang in there, before you know it you'll be back on the ship and we'll be laughing about this."

He huffed a breath, the weight taking his gaze back down. "I don't think I can ever laugh about this … maybe I did before … but Faye … oh god, Faye … I never should have. I should have known better, but no one ever taught me. All I knew was … was … " Panic welled in his voice.

She stroked his hair again, trying to quell it even as he began to squirm in the grip of the jacket. "Stay with me, Spike. It's just you and me here."

Out of the corner of her eye she caught Damian shaking his head.

Spike grit his teeth, his left eye darted sharply to the side, sweat beaded on his forehead. "No—no! Not again. Faye—please make it stop! I don't … " he huffed each breath as if running a marathon, "I want to stay in reality!"

Tears stung at the corner of her eyes. She could see his pupil pulsing. Helpless, she held onto his shoulders, he tensed against her grip. "Spike, you can do this. You can beat this!"

But the truth was in his eye. At this very moment he was losing it again. She could feel him slipping away through her fingers.

Damian held a hand out toward her. "Time's up."

Reluctantly, she let her hands slide from Spike's shoulders and exited the room. Damian reengaged the power lock a moment before Spike's deranged cries rent the air. She watched through the window as he staggered to his feet once more locked in a fight with the invisible demons of his past.

"So close." She sighed planting her hand against the window. "Yet light years away."

Humans are strange. Ein thought to himself as he padded around the ship. One day they are at each other's throats wishing the other would die, the next they are moping because one of them is missing. Still, they smell different now. He sneezed as he wandered out onto the flight deck where Faye sat in the dying light of the day.

Ever since she came back from the place she raced off to earlier she had a scent to her. It was hard to describe, even for Ein … it was even harder to ignore. All the more reason he followed her trail out into the evening air on his stubby legs.

Smoke. Achoo! Always smoke with this crew. But he loved them anyway.

He pushed his head up against her elbow working into her side. Distracted as she was she didn't resist. Eventually her fingers stroked the base of his ears.

Mmmmm … that's niiiiccceeee!

"I wish I was a dog." Faye muttered. "Life would be so simple."

Yup. Sleep whenever. Eat when food's available. Bark at stuff. He scratched an itch and panted. Course, sometimes the food's a bit questionable. But who am I to complain? This ship is my giant dog bed.

As the sun set on the gleaming horizon, she continued to stroke his ears. "There's a saying, Ein. That it's always darkest before dawn. I want to believe that. I want to believe that things are going to be alright. But … but … if you'd seen him … "

Plop … plop …

He cocked an ear and looked around. Is it raining? That would be odd, there were no clouds in the sky.

Suddenly her arms grabbed him and lifted his paws off the deck. He scrambled a bit as below him the dark waters lapped at the ship's hull.

Gah! Don't like! Don't like this at all! Already had a bath! Paws on the deck. Paws on deck!

She held him tight even as he scrambled. The moment his paws contacted the deck he dashed back inside in relief. Panting as he made his way through the ship, sniffing for Ed's scent. She'd been a little harder for the humans to find her of late. Frankly, the others were too big to reach her.

Navigating through the crawlspaces, Ein followed the scent deep into the ship. There she was! His stubby butt wriggled with delight as he closed the distance, drawn to the glow of her computer screen.

She'd been glued to it. A blue pinwheel taped to the back of the computer. Seemed a bit odd since there were no air currents to stir it here. He padded up to her side and laid his head on the keyboard staring at the screen. She wouldn't see him with her goggles on, but his paw pads touched the bottom of her bare feet.

So focused, like a laser. The computer hummed at her command. Searching, always searching. Ein's eyes half closed. What was she looking for? His ears perked up as he read the screen.

Ohhhhh. Well, this won't be easy. But you need a hunting dog for this. Good thing you got one.

See You Space Cowboy