42: The Colors of Youth
I don't know if it was because of the events of that day, or because it was the last day, but all I knew was that there was a sort of mounting excitement within my heart just as feelings of sentimentality began to overflow. It was cloudy in the morning, but we had high hopes that the sun would soon clear the haze. We gathered in our classroom, international students and partners alike chatting, sitting on desks, and some dressed up in costumes for the festival.
"Morning, Derrick!" Setsuna called as I arrived at my desk. She was sitting in my chair, resting her chin in her hands, kicking her legs in childlike happiness.
"Morning, Setsuna!" I stood there awkwardly for a minute, then decided to sit on the edge of the desk.
"I can't wait to see your video!" Emma called over her shoulder while chatting with Kenny. "It's gonna be great!"
"Yep, we spent a long time editing it together," Setsuna replied, scooting over and patting the side of the chair. "Sit!"
"Uhh…" I scratched my head.
"What?" Setsuna smiled at me slyly. "You're shy?"
"N-no!" I stammered, plopping myself down on the empty half of the seat. Our shoulders pressed against each other, so I tried to lean off to the side. Setsuna yanked me back towards her and linked her arm around mine.
"No need to hold back," Setsuna whispered, her red cheeks beaming with passion. So, is this supposed to be "just friends"? Because, it sure doesn't feel like it…
When our teacher arrived, we began our final video presentations. The darkened room was filled with laughter and commentaries as flashy videos and half-assed ones played across the projector screen. Soon it was our turn, so we went up to the front of the class and set up our video.
"Erm, hey guys," I said, clearing my throat. "Psst, what do I say!?" I whispered to Setsuna beside me.
"This video is for you, senpai! I'm just your helper," Setsuna replied.
"Well… this is the video Setsu- I mean, Nana- I mean, Nakagawa and I made together… my year here was filled with many ups and downs, many memorable experiences... "
"And it really changed his life!" Setsuna added, pressing the play button. "Enjoy our video!"
The classroom erupted into Setsuna's voice, "Chase" being broadcasted all around as a quick compilation of photos flashed across the screen:
Pictures of me and the girls, clips of the Christmas concert, the party we had.
Kasumi slapping me in the face, then hanging on to my shoulder.
Yu and Ayumu being all lovey dovey, and me sitting off to the side an awkward mess.
Videos of us at the training camp, Ayumu and I falling over each other as we tried to ski down the slope.
Our shrine visit together, snapshots of embarrassing photos we took of each other on the bus ride home.
Setsuna napping, shouting at Kasumi and Ai, Yu trash-talking me.
Me with my cat Mikan, Setsuna and I at Akiba, but with my face a depressed mess.
The first competition and our celebration afterwards, eating endless barbecue and shaky camera shots of Ayumu and Yu pulling me around, Setsuna off to the side with disapproving looks.
Photos I took with Ayumu during Valentine's Day, and secret photos Yu and I took of Ayumu and Takeshi flirting.
Playing Smash together, running around town, around the streets.
Shizuku and I with our takoyaki, my first performance at her play.
The second competition, where we emerged victorious.
Me on the hospital bed, weak smile, the girls all around me.
Eating ramen with Yu, watching a movie with her.
The Love Live finals, Setsuna's beautiful voice, her tears at the end.
The Nijisaki Jonetsu squad posing after breakfast, moments before Ayumu's heart was broken.
The three of us visiting Setsuna at her house, laughing and crying.
Going to the amusement park, endless fun, fireworks…
Setsuna and I, together…
The clips we took when we went to Akiba again…
By the time the video was over, tears were in my eyes, and in Setsuna's, and in Emma's as well.
"Wow… it sure went by quick when we put it in perspective like this," Setsuna remarked, sniffing and rubbing her eyes.
"Y-yeah…"
All our classmates looked at us concernedly, as we were the first ones to cry.
"Y-you two really had a fun-filled year, eh?" the teacher remarked, patting me on the shoulder.
"Except it wasn't even a year," I replied, face twisting up as I tried to hold back the tears.
"It passed by so quickly, by the time I realized it, it was over," Setsuna said. "I- I don't want it to end!" She pulled me into her arms, disregarding the entire class, and cried into my shoulder.
I held her tight.
"I don't want it to end either!"
Setsuna turned and beckoned over to Emma.
"Come here, Emma-senpai!"
Emma ran over, bawling, and we all held each other tight, all eyes upon us, all wishing that these days would never end.
But they did.
As we emerged into the festival outside, the sun had cleared the sky.
"Clear skies…" Setsuna smiled at me, dried streaks on her face. "Let's get to work, shall we?"
Setsuna and I paired up while Emma and Kenny did so, and we began making rounds around the festival, making sure all the stands were running according to regulation.
"Hmmm, so you guys are selling beer?" Setsuna questioned, a German boy looking scared and nervous as we stood at one of the tables, holding up the trailing line behind us.
"And you're not even asking for identification!?" Setsuna began to scribble something on her clipboard.
"No, please! We're sorry," the kid said, hugging a few cans of beer. "It's just… we wanted to showcase some of our cultural specialties…"
"It's fine," I said, taking the clipboard from Setsuna and scribbling out whatever she just wrote. "Can we have two beers please?"
"W-what?" The boy looked at us in confusion. "Okay…" he handed us the beers, and I put an arm around Setsuna, leading her away. "Thanks, man!"
"No, thank you, brother!" the guy called after us. I walked away with a huge grin on my face, popping open the cans and handing one to my girl. "Cheers!"
"What are you doing!?" Setsuna exclaimed, pulling my arm off. "We're supposed to be the festival staff! They're breaking the rules…"
"Come on, Setsuna. You know you want to."
Setsuna sighed.
"Well, I am the prez, so… I guess I'll just let it slide this time," Setsuna conceded, clinking her can against mine. "Kanpai!"
We both took a long swig, then went "ahhhh!" in unison.
"Hey! What do you two think you're doing!?" Yu shouted, and we turned to see the other girls all there, cheesy smiles on their faces and holding all manner of corn dogs, nachos, and foods that I did not know the name of.
"Woahhhh! Our president is breaking the rules!" Ayumu teased, slapping Setsuna on the back.
"How cute, you two being all sneaky and rebellious together," Ai joked, taking a picture.
"Hey!" Setsuna replied. "We're just… well…" she looked at me and blushed. "I'm sorry everyone. I should be a better example. Here, Yu, take the rest! Also, take care of Derrick, okay? I'm gonna go to the gym to make sure the preparations for the dance tonight are going smoothly. Derrick, go with the girls, okay? I can handle the committee duties myself."
"A-are you sure? No, I can go…"
"Nope. If I'm with you, I'm just gonna keep doing crazy things…" Setsuna chuckled.
"What!? You… you don't like hanging out?" I asked, hurt.
"No, no! It's not that," Setsuna denied, holding my hands. "It's just… when I'm with you…" she blushed and eyed the other girls. "...I get too nervous," she whispered, leaning in close.
"Whatcha whispering about?" Kasumi blurted, coming between us. "Your plans for tonight? In bed?"
"Kasumi, shut up," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Well, I'll see you later," Setsuna said, laughing. She waved and ran off in the direction of the gym. We all stood there, looking at the girl as her dark hair wagged back and forth. She stopped for a moment, tied them up with her green ribbons, and continued to run.
"Ahhhh… young love," Yu sighed, putting her elbow on my shoulder as Setsuna disappeared into the crowd.
"You mean yourself!?" I spat, a meaningless comeback.
"Nope, not me! I'm not into guys," Yu laughed, holding up a buttered corn. "Want one?"
"Wh-what!? Stop baiting me," I replied, taking the corn. "Thanks."
"Yu's just making an excuse because she can't find a boyfriend," Ayumu teased, patting Yu on the head.
"Really Ayumu?" Yu pouted at her.
"It's not like you can find one either, Ayumu," Shizuku teased.
"Sh-Shizuku!?" we all said in unison, surprised by her remark.
"Shizuku-chan? I thought you were nice…" Ayumu said, dismayed.
Shizuku giggled.
"Ehe! Sorry… I think I hang out with Kasumi too often…"
"I mean, I think I'm a good influence," Kasumi replied while a corn dog was in her mouth.
"You girls… all need to calm down," Kanata said, while feeding Rina an ice cream.
"Kanata, you're in college! You don't have a boyfriend yet either," Ai said, hands on her hips. Karin and I here already do, remember?! Ha!"
"I mean, we're in college, but we hang out with high schoolers so much we basically never graduated," Karin remarked. "But don't worry, Kanata!"
"Calm down, everyone!" Emma intervened. "It doesn't matter, okay? We're all gonna find our soulmates one day! It doesn't matter!"
"Yeah, exactly. Don't worry too much about it," I stated, putting a hand on Yu's head. "You're cute enough."
"Easy for you to say," Yu muttered under her breath. I suddenly realized that Yu's hair was cut short, above her shoulders.
"Yu! Wait, when did you cut your hair!?" I exclaimed, taken aback by the new look.
"Um, yesterday? You didn't notice this entire time!?" Yu said angrily, pouting once more.
"Sorry… but what can I say, long hair or short hair or twintails, they all look good on you, Yu-chan!" I patted her again.
"Thanks… well, you were staring at Setsuna all day, so I guess you didn't even see me…" Yu sighed and gave me a grin. "But that's fine. Besides, I didn't get my hair cut for you anyway."
"What about that one time when you asked if I liked straighter bangs or messy bangs more? Like, during Valentines?" I teased, ruffling her hair.
"Th-that was back then, okay!?" The flustered Yu kicked me in the shin and hid behind Ayumu.
"Hahah, it never gets old listening to you two argue!" Ayumu pulled me by the hand. "Anyway, did you get a chance to try the fried chicken? It's soooo good!"
We spent the day eating, teasing each other, and watching performances in the courtyard. Soon, the day was growing dark, and we began to head to the gym, where we would have a classy dinner. I sat at a round table, draped with cloth and decorated with candles. As we were served a variety of interesting fare, the school orchestra began to play music on the stage.
"Wow, classy," Ayumu remarked beside me, cutting her steak. "I'm so excited for the dance after this! I've always wanted to have one of those prom thingies I see in the movies!"
"It's not as romantic as you think," I informed. "Most of the time, they just play loud rap or whatever, and everyone just ends up humping each other. Not joking."
"Well, none of us here are that degenerate, except you," Yu shot. "And maybe Kasumi."
"We all know you wanna do that with senpai," Kasumi replied, sticking her tongue out.
"No I do not!" Yu held her fork up and down in a stabbing motion.
"Well, he wants to do it with Setsuna, I bet," Ai remarked.
"He probably already did," Rina said quietly.
"Rina!" I shouted, embarrassed. "Stop making things up!"
"Well, I saw them dating at Akiba." Rina poked at her food.
"Hey, but you shouldn't talk about his private stuff like that," Ayumu defended me. "Senpai can do what he wants to."
"Why are you defending me Ayumu?" I asked, confused. "Shouldn't you be roasting me?"
"Why? I'm not Yu-chan," Ayumu replied, leaning her lips to my ear. "Don't worry, I won't expose you," she whispered.
"Y-you know?" I whispered back, referring to the… questionable activities Setsuna and I performed a while back.
"Mm-hmm. Only Yu and I." Ayumu winked. "Setsuna was super embarrassed about it for so long. So I don't think you should do it again…"
"Yeah, I won't. We were just trying to get even… it's… hard to explain…" I felt my face burn up at the memory.
"It's fine! You can always do it with me!" Ayumu laughed and slapped me on the arm. "Just kidding!"
As we were finishing up our meals, the girls began to go to the bathroom to get changed. I got into my suit and tie, did my hair, and went backstage to find Setsuna, Emma, and Kenny, who were discussing something. I felt pretty bad because I didn't help out today….
"You had fun today?" Setsuna asked, looking up from her clipboard as I arrived.
"Yep! But you should have let me do some of the work…"
"No! It's fine! I've got it all handled," Setsuna replied. "The dance is gonna start soon, so you three get out there and have more fun! I'll just be staying back here and making sure everything is running smoothly."
"Are you sure, Setsuna?" Emma looked reluctant to go, while at the same time yearning to dance.
"Yep. Besides, that way Kenny won't be begging to dance with me," Setsuna replied, glaring at Kenny.
"Nooooo! Prez!" Kenny whined. "Ughhh, whatever! Emma, let's dance!"
"What? Fine," Emma replied. "But only for a while. I want to get to dance with Derrick too!"
The music began, a collection of calming strings and groovy saxophones. Students all dressed up began to twirl, mostly inexperienced but passionate. I stood alone, trying to find one of my friends among the crowd.
"Ah! Derrick-sepnai! You're not helping Setsuna backstage?" Yu asked, touching my arm from behind.
"No, she told me to go dance…"
"Well… you can dance with me then…" Yu brushed the bangs out of her eyes and slid her hand on mine. I met her eyes and realized that she was wearing the green dress I had bought her.
"You… look amazing…" I muttered.
"Shut up," she replied, taking my other hand and pulling me around. We stepped side to side, unsure of what to do.
The entire time, we looked into each other's eyes, Yu with her accusing yet loving expression.
"You better ask Setsuna to dance before tonight's over," Yu said as we continued to step together.
"But… she doesn't want to dance…"
"That's not possible," Yu replied. "She's only saying that. She's in the idol club for a reason, right? None of us would turn down dancing!"
"I hope so…" I tried to twirl Yu around my arm, but she just ended up smashing her face into my arm.
"Oww!" Yu exclaimed, rubbing her face.
"Aghhh, sorry! I don't really know how to dance-"
"It's okay. I don't either," Yu replied, continuing to dance. That made me kinda sad, because it reminded me about her failed Youtube channel.
When the song ended, Yu gave me a hug.
"Senpai, I-"
"Senpai! Can I dance with you?!" Ayumu appeared, hands together and pink blush on her cheeks. She was dressed in her pink "Dream With You" dress, and she looked up at me with expectant eyes.
"Sure!" I replied.
"Don't go too rough on him, he still needs to save his energy for Setsuna," Yu said, releasing her grasp on me.
"Don't worry, I won't!"
Ayumu whisked me away as the next song began, this time a quick and energetic piece.
She placed a hand on my waist and the other in my hand, leading me along.
"Woah, you know how to dance, Ayumu-chan?" I remarked, surprised at her skill.
"Yeah…" Ayumu smiled sunnily as she moved. "I learned it from Takeshi…"
"That's great! Nobody knows how to dance these days," I replied as her hair whipped me in the face.
"Ahh! Sorry… but yeah, I don't want to talk about him right now…" Ayumu pulled my arms tight around her hips. "I'd rather talk about us." She smiled and pressed her chest against mine.
"Ayumu-chan, you- you really know how to sweet talk…" I muttered, breaking a sweat, not because of the dancing.
"And who taught me how?" She breathed into my ear, sending chills down my spine.
The tempo of the song had drastically decreased, and we slowed our pace.
"You know…I really owe a lot to you…" Ayumu slid her fingers around my back, edging her fingertips under my belt. "But…" She sighed and let go of me. "There's someone YOU owe a lot to, right?" The song drew to a close. "After all, you wouldn't even be here still if it wasn't for her."
I felt my heart begin to race again. Why am I getting so nervous?
"You mean Setsuna…?"
"Mm." Ayumu punched me in the chest softly. "You should tell her how you really feel. For real this time."
The night continued on, with me having a chance to dance with Emma, Shizuku, Kasumi and Kanata. I knew I should have asked Setsuna to dance, but… I was so scared. Why am I scared!? I've done so much with her already, but still-
"Derrick-kun. The last song is coming up soon," Emma said, interrupting my thoughts as I stood to the side, catching my breath against the gym wall. "Don't you have something you need to do?"
I looked up at her, face cast in shadow.
"Emma… I'm- scared."
"What is there to be scared of!?" Emma grabbed me by the necktie. "She loves you, Derrick!" Her face was lit with passion, and my eyes grew wide in shock.
"But- is there any point to this-"
"Shut up, Derrick! It's always like this with you! You're always so worried about whatever consequences might happen! In the end, you never do anything! You just try to run away! Just like that time, you decided to just turn around and go back to America! Just because of some disagreements and feelings between your friends!" Emma shouted to my face. "But aren't- aren't those disagreements and feelings what makes them friends?" Tears formed in her eyes.
"Y-yeah, well, what about when I almost killed somebody because he hurt my Yu-chan!?" I retorted. "That ended up really bad! I could have died. Just because I acted on my emotions! I didn't care about the consequences at that time, all I wanted was to avenge her! And look where that got me! It- it even lost us our relationship. I don't want anything like that to happen to Setsuna and I. I'm fine the way it is right now. I'm going home soon anyways, so why don't we just let it end like this?! It's better for all of us. As the best of friends, nothing more, nothing less." I breathed hard, my fists balled.
Emma smiled and held my cheek in her hand.
"If you say so. But you're going to regret it, won't you?"
Oh, screw this! I dashed backstage, my heart tied up in knots.
"Setsuna-chan!"
I burst into the room, breath heaving and sweat trailing down my neck.
"D-Derrick-senpai?!" Setsuna put down a stack of papers and turned to see me. I looked her up and down, trying to come up with the words that I couldn't say.
My breath stopped when I saw her in that white dress, her hair straight and smooth, glistening silver earrings and reflections in her eyes.
"S-Setsuna… why are you in a dress? I thought… you weren't going to dance?" I asked.
"Well…" she blushed and put her fingers together. "Even though I said before that I didn't want to dance…now…I…kind of… want to… but- well, I have to start getting the clean up preparations ready! And we're just about to start the final song-"
"Will you dance with me, Setsuna?" I interrupted her, holding out my hand.
Her eyes grew wide, and her cheeks flushed.
"S-senpai?! I- I don't know-"
"Please dance with me, Setsuna-chan!" I stated, bowing down, hand extended.
"It's already the last song, and I-"
"Dance with me!" I pulled Setsuna into my embrace, her dark locks falling against me, her skin hot and her heart thumping against mine. No matter how afraid I was, I was going for it. Because I don't want to regret anything.
"Yes, Derrick," she finally whispered, eyes watery. "I'll gladly dance with you."
We emerged out into the gym, just as the final song began.
As we stood there, facing each other, hand in hand, I felt the eyes of everyone upon us.
As if we shone brighter than all.
I stepped forward, leading her on, and she reciprocated my movements, the two of us nothing but a nervous wreck, yet stealing the show on the dance floor.
Our eyes met and trailed away, smiles half-formed then repressed, both of us in mutual fear that we would express too much love that we would lose each other.
That last dance, her form twirling in white, the feel of her slender fingers intertwined amongst mine.
I could never forget it.
But when the night was over, I couldn't say it.
I couldn't say those words.
I sat in my chair, one of only a hundred lined up inside the gym that we had just danced upon last night. I could still see the figures dancing across my vision, but today, we were here for a different purpose.
Those of us in the International Class were graduating today.
"Ahem. Welcome all, parents and friends, pupils of the first graduating class of the Nijigasaki Academy International Program," our principle said, beginning his speech. I couldn't hear the rest, because the whole time, all I could see was Setsuna, standing upon the stage next to him, in her neatly pressed uniform getting ready to present our diplomas.
As names began to be called forth, the respective students walked up to her, received their papers with a bow, and returned to their seats.
As the classmates beside me began to take their turn, my heart beat faster. When Emma went up, I cheered for her.
Before I knew, it was my turn.
I mustered all my strength and made it to the stage. I held out my hands, to which Setsuna placed my diploma. I looked up at her, and in that split second, many things were said, though nothing came out of our mouths. I bowed deeply, and returned to my seat.
Once everyone had gone up, a round of applause was given. We were then told to rise to our feet, as the school president gave her final speech.
The beautiful girl took a deep breath, cast her glance across the gym, and rested it on mine, with a look that seemed either not nervous at all, or a look that was so nervous she seemed perfectly at ease. She began her speech:
"Greetings. I know we have all formed within our hearts, our own recollection of these days. Whoever looks into the mirror of the past can see; our reflections differ greater than the number of stars in the night. But like the stars in the night, our hearts all share the same sky. And through this, we are one. Today we step forward, as one, and though we stray light years apart, the distance between our hearts will forever be bridged.
I know not to what depths of darkness, and to what heights of glory you have surpassed to make this day a reality, but what is certain is that every tear and every smile has been collected, like drops in a barrel, for this moment, when, brimming with the accumulation of all the moments past, our feelings overflow.
Miracle upon miracles brought us to where we stand today, and for one more miracle must we implore. That is, the courage to rise and tear down the curtains of melancholy shading our eyes from the shining light of our future.
Finally, to those beside us and to those who have gone before, we must convey: to each our own paths must we take, in expectant hope that we may find one other once more, between the indefinite circulation of uncertainty and the unchanging bonds of camaraderie. Undulating through despair and jubilation and all the colors of the heart, there is no option besides our relentless advance into the sea of time. But if we cannot meet again, know that I will run beside you until the very end, and may the flowers of spring surround you forever. Thank you."
The tears fell, warm and fresh, and I was powerless to stop them.
Throughout the resounding applause, I could hear people laughing, crying, and cheering.
"Class, dismissed!" Setsuna called out, brilliant and joyful, and with a cheer, we embraced those we loved, running out into the sunlight, hearts filled with the colors of the rainbow; the colors of youth.
The other girls were waiting for me, rushing to hold me.
Congratulations were said, tears were shed.
After all, it's been less than a year.
But it felt like a lifetime.
"Setsuna! Come here!" we shouted as Setsuna emerged, wiping her eyes with a tissue.
"Derrick-senpai! Emma-senpai! We have gifts for you!" Yu said grandly. Ayumu and Kasumi stepped forward, carrying gift bags and bundles of flowers.
"Ohh, thank you so much!" Emma cried, receiving the gifts from Kasumi.
"Look through it, senpai!" Kasumi said, and Emma pulled out an emerald necklace, a few framed photos, and a new green dress.
"It's wonderful!" Emma exclaimed, putting the dress against herself.
"I'm sorry for stealing your color," Yu apologized, chuckling. "We can both be green girls."
"Well, it doesn't matter, because I'll be leaving! So you're the only green girl left," Emma replied, wiping her tears. "Derrick? What did you get?"
Yu motioned for Ayumu to present me with my gift.
"I hope you'll put it to good use," Yu said as Ayumu handed it over.
"Open it!" Shizuku said energetically. I know you'll like it!"
I opened the wrap, and beneath a pile of idol magazines, a different colored hair clip or hair band from each of the girls (what type of a person did they think I was!?), and a framed version of a group photo we had taken before Love Live, was a thick book. I took it out and examined it- it was a plain hardcover journal.
"Open the cover!" Setsuna said, doing it for me.
"Journal- to our one and only Derrick, so that he may put our story to words and remember us forever," I read aloud, feeling my heart melt. Beneath the writing on the first page were all of their signatures.
"Th-thanks… everyone…"
"Let's take a picture!"
Emma and I were placed at the center, with all our friends around us.
With our family.
"Cheese!" It was Kanata's little sister who held up the phone, snapping the picture. We all laughed as a few funny versions were included, and when we were done, we discussed our plans for dinner, as well as our preparations for the final trip to Okinawa.
Well.
There was one more thing I had to do.
"Setsuna-"
Before I could say anything, Setsuna held something out to me, blushing.
"For you. Senpai."
Setsuna was holding a Setsuna plushy, the one we had seen in the crane game at Akiba, which I had failed to retrieve.
"That plushy!? H-how did you get it!?" I exclaimed. "It was the only one too!"
Setsuna shrugged, blushing.
"Well… it took a lot of… effort… but it's fine! Here. If you can't take me with you, you can take this with you." She giggled. "I know it looks derpy, but I hope it'll help you remember me, okay?"
"Oh, Setsuna!" I was on the verge of tears again. "I- I love it so much!"
I hugged her as tight as I could.
"Really!? I'm so glad…" she replied.
"And-" Here goes nothing.
"AND I LOVE YOU, SETSUNA!"
Everyone was silent, watching us in awe.
"D-D-Derrick?!" Setsuna stood there, taken aback.
I already started it. I had to finish it. I clenched the plushy in my hands.
"I love you, Setsuna. More than a friend. I want to be by your side forever."
Setsuna stood in complete silence, and I looked to the floor, awaiting my fate.
Was it worth it?
What if I just ruined everything?
What if-
Setsuna put her hands on my head and pressed her lips into mine, soft and sweet, tears connecting us, sliding down over our cheeks.
My knees buckled, my skin crawled, my breath stopped.
That moment would last a lifetime.
Setsuna released her pure kiss, and drops fell from her pink, smiling face.
"I love you too, Derrick."
"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" the girls cheered, clapping and jumping for joy.
"Let's go, Derrick! Y- you really did it!" Yu shouted, and for some reason, everyone was crying for me. "You finally said it."
My head spun, my heart raced, but most importantly, I felt happy.
And for the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to belong. To exist.
End of Arc 8