A/N: Check out my massive A/N below for all the great people that helped make this chapter happen!
~My kisses will stain your skin, my eyes will burn your heart. I will break you and I will fix you. I am addictive and I am yours~
I'm over at Leah's house. I'm surprised she was willing to hear me out after what happened with Jake. I always assumed if they had to choose sides, they would pick his, considering they did all live in La Push together after all.
I really needed a friend, and I was hoping that I wasn't on her bad side—you don't want to piss off Leah. That girl has fire in her. She'll burn the whole fucking town to the ground if you mess with her.
It's not like I even deserve any of them. I abandoned them because of Edward, yet they're always the first ones I turn to when everything falls apart.
I'm such a bitch.
We're on her super comfy bed. Leah sits with her back against the headboard. I lay down with my head on her lap, as she's brushing her fingers through my hair, her own long, raven hair tickling my face.
So many memories on this bed, just never like this—broken, sad, crying. The usual stuff we do here is much naughtier, more pleasurable.
God, I'm the typical, pathetic, broken-hearted little girl I always used to laugh at in the movies.
"Bella, you're my friend too. I'm not going to abandon you just because your boy toy got in a minor scuffle with Jake, plus he can handle his own. He's a big boy, don't worry about him." She comforts me with her rich, deep, soothing voice. "It's not like it was your fault, anyway. I'm sure Jake and Edward will get over it, you just need to talk to them."
"It is kind of my fault though, I should have told Edward where I was going," I expressed, staring at the plain, white wall in front of me. "I condemn him when he doesn't tell me the truth, but then I go and fucking lie to him."
"Babe... K, maybe you shouldn't have lied, but your boy definitely has a temper on him. He seems hard to reason with."
No doubt about that—not like I'm any better, though.
"I know, but I fucking knew what I was getting myself into. He fucking warned me, for God's sake. That's one of the things about him I found so appealing, you know? So why does it bother me so much, now?" I can't stop chewing the edges of my nails. I can never leave them alone when I'm this stressed.
"Because you're madly in love with him, that's why." Leah tugs on my hair so I can look up at her. "Ugh god, I'm gonna puke. What the fuck happened to my badass Bells? The chick who didn't feel any emotions?" She snickers, mimicking a gagging motion. "The one who laughed at love?"
That's the first thing that has put a smile on my face all week. I missed Leah so much; she always knows how to cheer me up.
"So what's changed then? Because when you first met him, it's not like he hid how crazy he was," she asks, her tone more serious.
"I don't know... it's like he's two different people," I shake my head. "One second, we're amazing and everything is great, the next it's like the smallest things set him off," I confess, pinching the bridge of my nose. "He clearly doesn't trust me, and there's something that fucked him up which he won't talk to me about. I think that's the reason he reacts this way," I sigh. "I just really wish he opened up more, so I could understand him."
"Is he worth it? If you never saw him again and this was the end of you guys, would you be able to move on with your life? Find someone who makes you feel the way he did?" She interrogates, her eyebrows raised and the corner of her lips tilted. "Maybe you just need to fuck him out of your system?" She swats my arm playfully.
Fuck—she got me. Leah knows what she's doing, smart fucking girl.
The answer is no. My silence gives her the response she's looking for. Leah already knows my answer, I can see it in her eyes, in the serious expression on her delicate face.
If I could never see Edward again, I'd break. It would break me past the point than I already am—the unrepairable kind. The shattered kind that forever leaves scar tissue on my heart, burns a hole in my fucking soul.
The thought of being intimate with anyone but him makes my stomach turn, and thinking of him with anyone else makes me want to kill. After everything he's made me feel, I know no one will ever compare. It's just not possible. No will ever make my heart race, my skin flush, and make me lose my breath the way Edward does. I didn't even know I was capable of feeling that way before I met him. He's proved me wrong on all my points. Even in my opinion of love, of relationships…
Edward fuels my passion, pleasure, and also the pain that tugs my heart right now. He's the intense and consuming, inescapable heat that blazes through me. He brings out the best in me, the animal inside, the fucking love just by his presence, his touch—how much I need it. He's like the other part of my soul I didn't know I ever lost.
He's worth every fucking second of every moment. Every heartache. Every tear. Every erratic heartbeat. He's worth the glowing of my heart and the shudder that runs through me when his lips touch mine.
Leah breaks out in a huge, cocky smile. It highlights her beautiful white teeth against glowing russet skin. "See, there's your answer. You already decided before you even came to see me."
"What?" I play dumb, but I can't fool her.
"You are such an open book, Bells. You were never one to wear your heart on your sleeve, but I guess that's what falling in love does to a girl. You should have seen the emotions playing on your face. The pain in your expression when I mentioned you never seeing Edward again, it was as if someone stabbed you in the chest."
"That's not true," I deny. I won't admit that to her; my stubborn ass just can't admit how obsessed I am with Edward.
"Ok fine, how about you let me take your mind off him then? That's always worked in the past," she teases in a low, seductive tone, trailing her fingers down my stomach, down to the waistband of my jeans.
Shit, Leah knows I would never deny her when we used to fool around before. Now, however, the thought makes me feel sick. I can't see myself with anyone but him; even though we're broken up, I'd feel like I was cheating, and I honestly don't have a desire to fuck anyone else—ever again.
Leah's boisterous laugh fills the room. "Are you still gonna deny that you're madly in love with that boy?"
"He's definitely not a boy," I respond with a playful grin, trying to lighten the mood.
"Oh, I'm sure he isn't." Her chocolate, almond-shaped eyes shine with mischief. "Fuck, I never thought I'd see the day someone claimed wild Bella's little cold, black heart. The Bella I know wouldn't be shy to be under someone else right after she ended things with someone," Leah laughs.
That makes me chuckle—me neither. Maybe we're a perfect match—him and I—with our matching black hearts. Maybe we should just accept, embrace our darkness?
"B, you're so torn up over this guy! I've never seen you so fucked up before, not even about your mom. Even though I didn't see you all that often when you were with him, you seemed like you were finally alive." Her stunning eyes pierce straight through mine. "Look, we're all fucked up. We all have our problems, and if you want perfect? Baby, that's not gonna happen. Although I doubt that's even what you want. My Bella loves the thrill of danger, living on the edge. Obviously, you don't want an unhealthy relationship, but you guys both have to work your shit out rather than running from your problems. You clearly can't live without each other, so act like fucking adults and learn how to communicate," she finishes her rant with a deep breath.
Oh, Leah's outspoken, bold, and blunt personality is kicking in. This is why I come here. Leah doesn't tell me what I want to hear, she tells me how it is. What I need to know. What I keep denying to myself.
Her fire dulls a little, no longer threatening. "Give Edward time, you did mention that he's opened up more than when you met him."
"Yeah," I mumble. "Maybe you're right."
"Bitch, you know I'm fucking right." She leans down and presses her plump lips against mine.
Ugh Fuck you Edward, I have this drop-dead gorgeous girl that will let me do anything to her and I can't—because of you.
"But seriously, how big is his cock though? Cause for you to be so infatuated with this boy he must be packing down there," she mused, licking her lips—lost in thought.
I know that look on her face very well—she's horny; well that escalated quickly. Only Leah will have the most serious discussion and give the best advice one second, and then get distracted by anything sexual the next.
"Fuck off Leah," I grinned, grabbing the pillow and smacking her with it.
"Since when did you become such a prude! There never was any secrets between us."
I roll my eyes. "Fine, he has the biggest cock I've ever been with and knows how to use it. No one has ever made me come as hard as he can, happy?"
"Well... not really. I thought I always made you come the hardest," she says with a fake pout. "It's ok, you can make it up to me. Once you guys get back together, let me come play and join you both one night."
"Leah, you know I was always down for that, but it's so different with him. I can't even stand the thought of anyone else touching him, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't either—even though you're a girl."
"Boo, you're boring now. Oh well, as long as you got good dick and you're in love—I'm happy for you," she answers with a teasing smirk.
God, Leah is fucking crazy but that's why I love her. I seriously do attract the crazies—not like I'm normal anyway. Normal is boring.
A/N: So I finally have a crew after posting 40 chaps of this story solo! They've taken a huge weight of my load and I'm forever grateful for them for making my writing better! I was really struggling with this fic.
I wanna thank PearlyFox for turning my words into magic and cullenlvr83 and DawnBreaker8 for being amazing pre-readers and helping me so much! And thank you to creaatingmadness for bringing attention to my story at the very beginning and welcoming me, I probably wouldn't have met these wonderful people if it wasn't for you!
Check out their stories if you haven't already, they're all so talented! Also a huge shoutout to the Sour Lemon Crew - you know who you are, thanks for all the inspiration!
And thanks to the reviewers, because I wouldn't even be posting if it wasn't for you guys!
K, done with the sap haha! Thanks for reading :)