Chapter 42

The flight to the new village took them on a route past Phylacos, the place Mehra had mentioned in their conversation before she'd left Atlantis. There was not much to see now, but a surge of emotions erupted inside Mishta as they passed – anger and fear alongside something new. She looked John's way and caught him watching her before he turned to look out of the window on his own side of the craft. That new feeling, as yet not completely identifiable, was something to do with him. It set her stomach fluttering, a kind of nervous energy that reminded her of fear, yet mingled with something else…something good?

She watched his profile, fixed in the same controlled non-expression he seemed to adopt whenever around her, and wondered what it was he was feeling, He'd been imprisoned at this place, Mehra had given that much away, but for how long and what had happened within the confines of whatever building had stood there?

'Hey…are you all right?' Lansha asked from beside her, immediately eliciting a response from Thaliah in the seat in front of them.

'What is it, youngling?' he asked, peering over the back of his seat at her. 'Are you sickening? You look pale.'

'No…I'm not sick,' she told him. 'Just remembering,'

He nodded, his eyes brimming with compassion. 'Such a terrible place,' he sighed. 'It was a blessing when the human burned it to the ground.'

An image came to her – it was night, she was with Lansha and Juroah outside a huge compound as dozens of scrawny, filthy humans poured towards them from the open doors, Kheprian guards assisting them. They were waiting…they were waiting for John. And she was afraid for him.

'Do you remember the day you ran all the way from Phylacos to our camp because you had seen the Reliquiae take a human from here and your instincts had told you it was important?' the Founder asked.

She hadn't recalled it before, but she did now. She had run through her exhaustion she was so determined to convey the news to the others as quickly as she could, sure it was of great import. Her lungs had burned ferociously with the effort, and her legs had ached for days afterwards, not that she'd cared. Because it was that very evening she and Juroah had taken John from the Reliquiae and after that her thoughts became muddied with emotions her mind was refusing to disentangle. 'I do,' she murmured. 'I knew he was the one.'

Thaliah nodded. 'With him, the universe ends.'

'But not now!' Lansha was quick to clarify, a hint of annoyance in the glance he cast Thaliah way. 'That is all behind us.'

They'd fought, she and John. Her fear of the prophecy had made her suspicious of his actions. It was all coming back to her now. Her face glowed at the memory of how she'd treated John…of how she'd followed him to the river in the hopes of seeing him bathe because she'd thought he was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen, even if he was their doom. And then she'd threatened him because the feelings he awoke in her were in direct conflict with the danger he represented. She'd wanted him, and she'd threatened his life because she hadn't known what to do with that desire that didn't make her some kind of traitor to her cause.

'That's better, youngling. You've got some colour back in your cheeks,' Thaliah chirped, settling back down again.

Embarrassed, she looked out of the window, feeling a hand slide onto hers and grasp it. She turned hers over so her brother could hold it properly, looking his way to see him roll his eyes and give her a smirk. He obviously knew Thaliah was missing something…that her colour was due to more than just good health.

Eventually, Juroah set the craft down at what was little more than a construction site, but one full of activity and life. As she descended from it, many of the Birajans working there stopped what they were doing and scurried over to her and embraced her, some whispering of miracles until Lansha hushed them and told them that Mishta needed space.

'Come and see,' he told her excitedly. 'This is going to be our home.'

He grasped her hand and tugged her along. When she looked John's way, she caught a hint of sadness in his eyes until he realised she was looking and composed himself. He flashed her a brief smile and followed on.

The footprint of the building was there – trenches dug and hardcore in place to support the walls once they were raised.

'This will be your room,' Lansha beamed as he pulled her inside the layout. 'It has a wonderful view of the Mattoorn Mountains.'

With a window in the right place, it would, indeed frame a beautiful view. Breath-taking, in fact. She tried to feel the excitement her brother obviously did about the venture, but it was hard to remember how things had been before just yet. She understood this was a huge improvement on the kind of nomadic lifestyle they had been forced to live while fighting Akalus from the few vague images her mind kept drip feeding to her, but without the full context of those recollections, she had nothing to compare it to.

Beside their site, the Kheprians were busy lowering a wall into place, then bolting it to one already situated. The sound of the bolts firing turned her stomach for some reason, almost bringing her to tears with their repetitive thumping. It made no sense to her. She pushed the feeling away.

'See how quickly that building rises?' Juroah chimed in now. 'The village will be finished in a matter of weeks with the help of the Kheprians. Oriah blessed us when she sent them to assist.'

Mishta was warming to the massive creatures despite the initial horror the sight of them on Atlantis had caused her. They seemed a genuinely kind and intelligent race, and the hatred and fear she'd felt on first setting eyes on their ship as it had approached past the window of her quarters that had sent her running to save…She stopped with that thought only half formed. She'd run with the intention of saving John…and only John. He'd mattered that much to her at some subconscious level that she'd thrown herself into harm's way to protect him. Colour rushed to her cheeks again and she kept her gaze averted from anyone who might notice as she tried to make sense of everything she was remembering.

'Tea?' Lansha suddenly announced. 'I know I could use a cup.'

He strode out and headed toward the campfire burning to one side of the building area. The others followed, but Mishta lingered a while longer, staring down at the markings that would one day soon be her home.

It didn't feel like home.

'Hey…are you okay?'

John's question made her heart skip. He'd stayed to check on her? She lifted her eyes to his. 'Yes…just trying to imagine this place…see myself in it.'

'It does have a spectacular view,' he pointed out, dipping his head in the direction of the mountains.

She nodded, but she wasn't feeling inspired

'Come on. Let's go get that drink.' He reached out his hand to her. She stared at it a moment, and he moved as if to drop it away, so she caught hold of it before he could. That seemed to please him, and he grasped onto her firmly. 'Watch where you're stepping. Those trenches are pretty deep.'

She allowed him to guide her even though she didn't really need his help. He was protecting her again. And she liked that.

It was almost evening; she could sense it in the cooling air. That was something that felt familiar about this place. The climate and weather. She recalled long, warm days and cold nights, and, if she was correct, two short monsoon seasons a year that made life in camp miserable until they passed, but brought rains vital to the planet's ecology. This new site, and its slightly elevated position, meant flooding wouldn't trouble them as it had. She was remembering life and beginning to understand why this new village was such an exciting prospect to them all. Life had been hard. His would make it all much simpler.

John didn't let go of her hand until they reached the fire, even though the footing was sure for most of the trip. As they met up with Ronon, the big man gave Sheppard a subtle smile and clapped a hand on his shoulder, guiding him aside to speak quietly with him. She watched a range of emotions play out on John's face as he listened and responded. He seemed quiet here, outside of his own environment. Less sure of himself than he appeared on Atlantis. It was possible that he was just allowing her to immerse herself in her culture without too many distractions, but she found she craved his input and wished he would say more.

Lansha took a seat beside her and passed her a cup of tea. 'So, what do you think of your new home?' he asked, nudging his shoulder to hers.

'I'm sure it will be lovely…and handy in monsoon season.'

'Absolutely!' he grinned. 'No more constantly digging channels and moving supplies…or shelters collapsing on our heads in the night and drenching us! Do you remember that?' He laughed at some memory his words conjured, and now an image came to her mind, too.

'Oh yes! When we were young. How old were you? Six?'

'Just turned seven,' he corrected. 'You weren't quite five.'

The scene played out in her mind; a distant memory now brought back to the surface for another viewing. 'I remember father took the brunt of the deluge when the roof caved in.'

Lansha laughed out loud at the memory, almost rolling off his seat. 'He did, but we were all soaked through soon enough.'

She giggled along with him, until a sadder thought struck her. 'I can't remember his face…I just know it was him.'

Lansha calmed and grasped her hand. 'It'll come back to you, Mishta. I promise.'

She felt eyes on her and spotted John watching her from the other side of the fire, where Juroah was passing both he and Ronon their drinks. Something new was bubbling in the back of her mind now…a sense that she didn't deserve his friendship. That she didn't deserve whatever was brewing beneath the veneer of friendship they were hiding behind. She dragged her gaze away. 'They don't make tea like this on Atlantis,' she told her brother, setting her mind on something else. 'It's such a bitter brew.'

His eyes lit up at the mention of the city. 'What's it like there?' he asked. 'Is it as marvellous as all the stories say?'

'Every bit,' she nodded. 'It's beautiful. And it sits on the ocean so all you can see is water on all sides. It was very peaceful.'

'No wonder John wanted to get back there so badly.'

'He did it for Teyla,' she suddenly remembered. 'And Torren.'

'That's right,' Lansha nodded, encouraging her to continue. 'What else do you remember of our time with them?'

'I…' She struggled to find the words as she pulled the memories forward. 'I remember that when we first found John, I was angry and mistrustful of him. We'd always been told he was dangerous, so I didn't understand why…'

She stopped, raising her eyes to his. He just smiled and squeezed her hand. 'I know.'

'I was unfair to him…then and now.'

'You have to wait until everything comes back to you,' he told her, suddenly sombre. 'You might feel differently then.' There was a hint of anger in his words. She wondered why, but knew he wouldn't tell her even if she asked. 'You'll understand everything soon. I promise you,' he told her, sipping from his tea. 'Everything will come back to you now that you're home.'

She hoped he was right, but at the same time she was afraid of what those returning memories would be. Lansha was angry, John was on edge, and a sense of dread was building inside her that she felt she had to constantly battle to keep at bay. They had endured something together, something none of them yet knew how to process or discuss. It made her worry what the truth of that shared experience would do to them.

oooOOOooo

Sheppard passed a fitful night, tossing and turning on his bedroll and trying to clear his mind of thought. But he just kept coming back to the same thing. He needed Mishta…but he knew he couldn't stay here on Gragoffa. He had no more than a few days left with her before he had to return to Atlantis, and that just wasn't enough. He pitched out of his shelter early and took a stroll down to the nearby river, slipping off his outer shirt and dipping his hands into the cool water, splashing it on his face to clear away the cobwebs of a poor night's sleep.

He hadn't been there long when he heard a noise behind him. He spun, pulling his side arm…but it was only Juroah, wandering over to join him with an open flask to fill. 'Whoa, there, Human. A little jumpy, are we?' the old Birajan smiled.

'Apparently,' John muttered, squatting down to scoop up a handful of water himself. 'I haven't forgotten how dangerous this place is for humans.'

'If you think any threat is getting past the Kheprians, you seriously underestimate them,' Juroah chuckled. 'One of the first things that happened was they set up a perimeter. No one gets in or out without them knowing. No one.'

'Perimeters can be breached with the right equipment,' Sheppard warned him. 'It doesn't hurt to stay vigilant.'

Juroah nodded. 'You might be right about that. But they've kept us safe so far.'

The silence that descended between them was comfortably familiar, and that, along with the gently babbling water, soothed his nerves and helped him relax. 'So…it must feel good to have Mishta home,' Sheppard said, splashing water up his forearms and damping his hair to bring it just a little more under control.

'You think she's home?' Juroah dipped his flask into the water and allowed it to fill.

Sheppard peered over at him. 'Don't you?'

'That's yet to be decided,' Juroah shrugged, beginning to head back to the village. 'I think she's torn…much hinges on the missing memories and how they impact her. None of us know how this will turn out.'

'She's recalling a lot more now…lots from her time here with you guys.'

Juroah stopped what he was doing to look back at him. 'I think you and I both know the most important memories are yet to come. I expect her mind is blocking them to protect her, but they will have to surface some time.'

'How was Lansha when things came back to him?'

'Oh, we had some difficult times…some sleepless nights…some rage…but he is far more pragmatic than Mishta ever was. He reached acceptance very quickly.'

Sheppard sighed. He hadn't planned to say anything, but he felt like he needed to tell someone. 'That's not the impression he gave me.'

Juroah frowned. 'What has he said?'

'That he knew I killed them…and that I had no right to make that decision for them. He thinks I betrayed them both.'

Juroah sighed and nodded. 'Well, I said he has reached acceptance, but that doesn't mean he has to be happy with what happened. He's not himself yet. But I think knowing that Mishta is safe now will help him put things into perspective. Don't take it to heart.'

'I didn't actually kill them…they ascended.'

'There's a difference?'

'Uh…yeah,' Sheppard stammered, a little unsure of the difference now he'd mentioned it. 'Dead is dead. You don't usually get to come back.'

'Well, I don't know if Lansha knows what to call it, but he's aware he left his body, then was given the choice to return. He had a hard time, so he tells me. Said it felt peaceful and safe there and he was tempted to stay. I wouldn't have blamed him, but I'm happy he came back all the same.'

When he described it that way, Sheppard was surprised Lansha had returned at all.

'I imagine such a life would not be so tempting to a man like you,' Juroah said as he got back to his feet and started back for the village again.

Sheppard decided to snatch up his shirt and catch up with him. 'Not so much. Spent about sixth months with a bunch of folks who ascended at the end of it. Silent contemplation wasn't really my bag. Drove me nuts.'

'The thing that confuses me most is why Mishta took the longest to return,' Juroah mused, sipping his freshly collected water. 'She's much like you…always ready for trouble, bored by peace. And yet she was the last to come back.'

'I guess we won't know why until she remembers some more,' Sheppard told him, sliding back into his shirt and buttoning it.

'Lansha is planning a trip out to the Petracus Expanse for us today.' Sheppard stumbled to a halt and Juroah, apparently noticing he was no longer alongside him, turned to face him. 'Is something wrong?'

'It's a bit soon, don't you think? We only just got here last night.'

'Lansha believes that Mishta might be deliberately suppressing memories because they are painful. He's hoping that taking her there will make her face them. You saw how she reacted to being on my craft. He's hoping to get the same response from the facility.'

'Yeah…or it might give her a nervous breakdown.'

'You don't have to go along today, John. But Lansha does not need your approval to do this.' It was the first time that Juroah had been even remotely prickly with him, meaning that at some level Juroah thought it was the right thing to do. 'Just so we're clear, though,' Juroah added. 'I think you should go too. I think the three of you have a lot to work through and that place is at the crux of it.'

The old Birajan stumped back into the village while Sheppard remained rooted to the spot, wondering if coming along for this ride had been the right thing to do at all.

By the time he made it back to the village Lansha was up and breakfasting with a young male he recognised. It was his guard from back at the Japhalan citadel. On spotting him, Lansha immediately waved him over. 'John, come join us. I know the two of you have already met, but I'd like to formally introduce you.'

John strode over as he fastened up his last couple of buttons, then deliberately planet his hands on his hips as he regarded the young male. 'Yeah…we have met.'

'I don't believe he gave his name. This is Haldias.'

The young Japhalan rose and stepped forward and offering his hand. 'Lansha said this is how humans greet each other.'

Sheppard looked down at his hand, then back up at his face. 'They do if they like each other. You know, I barely recognised you without that control chip trigger in your hand.'

Haldias' face fell. 'You're right. Before expecting your friendship, I should apologise for my treatment of you while in captivity.'

'That'd be a start,' he growled, still not ready to make nice yet.

'I'm sorry, but you understand I had no choice?'

Sheppard's gaze flicked to Lansha's, then back to the youngster in front of him. 'When you get older, you'll understand there's always another choice. It just isn't always easy.'

'John…'

'However,' Sheppard continued, holding up a finger to silence Lansha as he tried to referee. 'I understand you were instrumental in trying to get me and Ronon rescued, so, for that you have my thanks.' He took Haldias' hand and gave it a brief shake. 'So…Mistress Leilana let you off the leash, huh?'

Haldias glanced over at Lansha, who gestured for him to continue. 'You didn't know? Before you destroyed the facility at the Petracus Expanse, the Wraith came to the Japhalan Citadel to feed.'

Sheppard felt his jaw slacken. He'd known the Wraith were strong, but he hadn't considered where that strength had come from. 'Sounds like you're lucky to be here.'

'I am…but since I didn't have the audacity to stand my ground and ask the Wraith if they had any idea who they were dealing with, I had a better chance of escape.'

'You're kidding…Leilana?' Sheppard asked.

'She and many others of the ruling class perished. Their arrogance cost them dearly, but gave many of the rest of us the opportunity to evade capture.'

Sheppard wasn't sorry to hear that. He wondered if that made him a bad person. At that moment Mishta emerged from her shelter, stifling a yawn. The early sunlight of the primary sun caught her auburn locks and made them glow like gemstones. For a moment he couldn't think of a single thing to say.

'Is that your sister? She's very pretty!' Haldias cooed.

Lansha arched an eyebrow at Haldias, giving him a withering stare. 'She is. Should I be worried?'

'Of course not,' Haldias muttered, looking a little shame-face. 'I was just commenting.'

'Like you were just commenting on John's fighting skills earlier? You're so transparent.'

Haldias shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another, glancing a few times between the two of them before announcing, 'I forgot to get something from my craft…I'll be right back.' Then he scurried off.

'Well, if you were going for total humiliation, I think you achieved it,' Sheppard smirked. He'd sensed that Haldias had a strong connection with Lansha from his reactions at the palace. Seemed he'd been right to suspect they had a bond.

'I have to keep him in line,' Lansha smirked. 'He thinks I'm a weakling because I like to learn. I think he's a harlot because he salivates over everyone and everything.'

'Sounds like a match made in heaven,' Sheppard quipped.

'It works for us,' Lansha shrugged, sipping from his tea. 'Grab yourself a drink.'

Sheppard ladled some tea into one of the clean cups set beside the fire and took a seat beside Lansha.

'Did Juroah tell you what we have planned today?'

John too a long sip of his tea, staring into the dancing flames. 'Yeah…he did.'

Lansha leaned forward to catch his eye. 'Do I hear a hint of disapproval, John?'

'It's not my place to tell you what to do –'

'No, it's not,' Lansha agreed.

Sheppard tightened his lips and held back the actual response he wanted to give. 'So why ask how I feel?'

'Curiosity.'

'Do you want my thoughts, or not?'

'Of course…but I may not listen.'

'Then what's the point?' Sheppard sipped his tea again and seethed in silence.

A moment of uncomfortable silence passed between them. 'Obviously, you have concerns…' Lansha urged, tempting him to continue.

'It's too soon…we just got here last night, At least give her a day or two to remember things on her own.'

'You don't know Mishta like I do –'

Sheppard's eyes flashed up to meet his as he battled to contain his anger. 'No, maybe I know her better—'

'You don't.' Lansha stared John down until he backed off and let him speak. 'I have known Mishta all her life. Do you honestly think that that in the few weeks you spent with her you learned all there is to know about her? Did you know that she hates cut flowers? Can't stand the idea of the waste. Did you know that she used to cry herself to sleep every night for three years because the Birajan boys in the tribe picked on her so much? Did you know that she broke her commitment to Marmotah several times that I know of and I kept it quiet for her so she wouldn't be shunned? You weren't the first male to turn her head.'

The last one stung, and Sheppard turned away, staring into his cup.

'Mishta is far from perfect, John. And you need to know that if you want to be with her.'

'I'm not planning to stay.'

Lansha was quiet for a few moments. 'I see.'

'I can't…I have responsibilities.'

'And what about your responsibilities here? To Mishta? I think maybe you owe her something after what you did.'

Sheppard raised his eyes to Lansha's penetrating violate gaze again. 'She'll be safe here with you now.'

Lansha laughed bitterly, shaking his head. 'The two of you are just the same. Always running from your true feelings.'

'I am not running –'

'Yes, you are,' Lansha snapped, 'But don't worry. Juroah and I will pick up the pieces you leave behind.'

'That's not fair…you know it's not safe here for me.'

Lansha narrowed his eyes at him and said, 'There's always another choice…it just isn't always easy.'

Pissed to have his own words thrown at him, Sheppard pushed up, tossing his tea into the dirt. 'You know what. I'll breakfast later.'

'Mishta will continue to push down the memories of what happened until she is forced to face them,' Lansha called at his retreating back. 'It's what she's always done with emotions she didn't know how to handle. She pulled a gun on you in the early says, for Oriah's sake, and she loves you.'

Sheppard winced, and rubbed the back of his neck. 'Love's a bit strong—'

'You think so?' Lansha asked, getting up to face him eye to eye. 'Well, like I said, maybe you don't know my sister as well as I do.'

Sheppard clamped his mouth shut, watching Mishta stroll around the construction area in the near distance, back to the floor layout of her new home to be. 'And if you take her to the expanse today, who picks up the pieces then? You or me?'

'Sometimes you have to break things down to build them back up again.'

Sheppard huffed, throwing him a filthy look. 'Very philosophical…and easy to say when you're not the one being broken.'

'Big words from a man who plans to abandon my sister in a few days and hang the consequences,' Lansha shot back at him.

'I have a job to do…I can't just turn my back on everyone on Atlantis.'

'You're a coward, John Sheppard.'

For a moment, Sheppard froze. Then he growled, 'I'm a what?'

'A coward. Oh, I know you will face down any enemy, but when it comes to admitting how you feel about Mishta, you back away. Every time.'

Sheppard spotted Ronon sleepily stumble out of his shelter, scrubbing at his dreadlocks with a yawn as he started heading their way. 'Do you honestly think you have any right to lecture me when you were willing to push through with her commitment to a monster?' he demanded.

Lansha reacted as if he'd been struck. 'I did what I thought was best for her.'

'You did nothing for her!'

Lansha swung a right that Sheppard swerved to avoid, catching hold of his wrist. He saw real anger in Lansha's eyes, but pain too. He was just as scared as the rest of them. 'I'm gonna put this down to residual trauma,' Sheppard growled, still gripping the wrist because Lansha had yet to stop pressing forward with it. 'But if you try to lay hands on me again, I will put you down.'

'Hey,' Ronon called over, breaking into a jog. 'What's up?'

'Nothing,' Sheppard told him, letting go of Lansha. 'It's all good.'

'Yeah?' Didn't look that way,' he rumbled, planting himself between them.

'Just a difference of opinion on today's itinerary,' Sheppard explained.

Lansha continued to fume silently. He could feel the anger radiating from him. Juroah was right. He definitely wasn't himself yet. None of them were. Maybe they did need to go back and face the truth of what had happened at the Petracus Expanse. That still didn't mean this was the right time.

'We leave in an hour,' Lansha told him, finishing up his breakfast, and putting his bowl into the pile for washing. 'If you're not at Juroah's craft then, I'll assume you're not coming.'

Ronon watched him walk away, then turned to Sheppard. 'So, what's on the itinerary?'

'A trip to the facility I blew up.'

'Which one?'

Sheppard snorted out a laugh. 'Yeah…it is becoming a habit.'

'You mean the one at the stone needles?'

Sheppard nodded, and noticed that Ronon looked a little queasy. 'Hey…you don't have to come.'

'You kidding? Someone has to break things up if you two get fighting again.'

'I can handle him,' Sheppard assured him.

'It's not you I'm worried about.'

Sheppard saw Lansha head over to Mishta now, giving her a hug and talking to her, no doubt bringing her up to date on their plans. For a second, the sight of them was gone, replaced by the blood-stained grin of Mishta's face looming into view, and the memory of pain…so much pain at Akalus' hands.

'No…I'm not the one I'm worried about either,' he admitted, sitting down with Ronon as the big man began to fill a plate for breakfast. Somehow, he couldn't muster the enthusiasm to eat himself.

oooOOOooo

In the end, Sheppard and Ronon made it to Juroah's craft before Lansha and Mishta did, Sheppard casually leaning near the door while he waited for them to arrive.

As Lansha boarded, he gave Sheppard a sideways glance, one that told him their earlier differences weren't yet forgotten. Sheppard wasn't worried. Lansha was clearly still sorting through some stuff mentally and he had faith that he would eventually make it to forgiveness. It just might not be before he headed back to Atlantis.

Mishta also gave him a somewhat dubious look as she passed. He wondered if that was due to anything Lansha had said about him, or because of the journey they were about to embark on. He supposed they were about to find out.

Sheppard followed them up the steps, seeing Lansha push Mishta into a window seat and then sit beside her, keeping him at bay. Sheppard just carried on as if he hadn't noticed, figuring Mishta would stand up for herself if Lansha's over-protective smothering got too much for her.

He decided to sit up front with Juroah, Ronon taking a seat not far behind him. The big guy was tense and wasn't saying much. Sheppard realised this was hard on him too. They were headed to the place where Ronon thought he'd watched them die. And for a number of hours, they had all been certain of that. That kind of thing had an emotional impact, even if it all turned out all right in the end. You never forgot that sense of loss, and you always feared feeling it again.

'So…to the Petracus Expanse it is,' Juroah sighed. He looked over at Sheppard and gave him a grim smile, adding quietly, 'I expect this is going to be quite a day.'

'I expect it is,' Sheppard agreed, getting comfortable for the trip.

The flight was a lengthy one. The expanse was a long way from civilisation, making Sheppard realise he must have been out of it for some considerable time before waking up in a cell in the facility. For a moment, his thoughts drifted to Oolanae and the odd alliance they had struck up. He kind of wished he could have gotten her out of there too, but he didn't suppose she was the right character type for ascension. Sad that she'd had to die, but she would not have survived without her sisters anyway. Perhaps a quick death had been the merciful way out for her, too.

He peered around his seat, checking on Ronon. 'Hey…I just realised I never asked if Amelia was okay with you coming back here with me,' he said, trying to draw him out.

Ronon shrugged. 'Dunno, I never asked either.'

Sheppard raised his eyebrows at that. 'Really?'

'She'll probably kick my ass for me when I get back,' he added, giving Sheppard a smirk. 'But that's the fun part.'

Sheppard screwed up his face. 'Too much information, buddy!'

Juroah chuckled. 'This Amelia…she is like our Mishta then?'

'Yeah, she can hold her own,' Ronon told him.

'It's what she'll do with yours I'd be more worried about,' Sheppard quipped, setting Juroah laughing all over again.

'You amuse me, Human,' he cackled, giving him a grin. 'It's nice to have you around for a while.' Sheppard became conscious of Mishta and Lansha talking, their voices getting gradually louder. They were arguing. Mishta was asking to join them up front, while Lansha insisted she was better with him. He slid his gaze Juroah's way, seeing the old Birajan shake his head. 'I hope he finds his old self again soon.'

He peered over his shoulder in time to see Mishta give Lansha the cold shoulder, turning the entire upper half of her body away from him so that she was facing out of the window. So, the reunion was going well. He wondered how long Lansha would keep his promise never to complain about her temper again.

After an hour or so, Juroah let him take the controls for a while, which broke the monotony of the journey a little. Gragoffa was a mostly desert planet it seemed as they cruised along, with little pockets of life here and there, some of which had been developed, others still waiting to be taken advantage of. It made a lot more sense why the Birajans were so accepting of the monsoons. Water was precious, and those few weeks of rain were lifesaving.

'Mishta! Come on up here and see how well John handles her,' Juroah called back, giving Sheppard a sly wink and a slap on the shoulder as he headed back in the cabin.

He wasn't expecting it, but she appeared next to him a few seconds later. She glanced his way with a shy smile. 'Good morning, John. I would have said it sooner, but Lansha's in an odd mood this morning and wouldn't let me come to you.'

'Everything okay with you two? I thought I heard raised voices just now.'

Her jaw tightened. 'Yes…you did.' She looked out the windshield and added through clenched teeth, 'I fear I might be forced to punch him before the end of the day.'

'You and me both,' he sympathised. 'We got into it too earlier.'

'Yes…I noticed. What was it about?'

He glanced over at her and faked a casual indifference. 'Nothing much…just a minor difference of opinion.'

'He does seem to be particularly argumentative today,' she mused. She looked back over her shoulder now. 'Did you sleep well, Ronon?'

'Yup.'

'Ronon has the uncanny knack of being able to sleep anywhere at any time. Comes from his time as a runner,' Sheppard explained.

'A runner? You like to run?'

Ronon snorted out a laugh. 'That's not what it means.'

'The Wraith culled his home planet of Sateda and took him and a few other people prisoner to turn them into what they call runners. They implant them with a tracking chip and hunt them for sport.'

Her jaw dropped as she looked back at Ronon. 'That's…that's so cruel.'

'They're not known for their kindness,' he pointed out.

'No…of course not. How long did they hunt you?'

'Seven years.'

Her jaw dropped a little lower and Sheppard could see her brain going into overtime imagining what that would have been like. 'How did you get away from them?'

'Fought 'em off if they caught up with me. One day I ran into Sheppard and Teyla and they helped get the tracking chip out of me.'

'When he says, 'ran into' us, what he actually means is he stunned us and took us prisoner. I had to do some petty smooth talking to make him trust us enough to get that tracker out…and not blow our heads off.'

'Seem to remember Teyla doing most of the smooth talking,' Ronon retorted.

'She maybe helped…a little…' he shrugged, throwing Mishta a smirk that made her grin along with him. She seemed to enjoy their stories.

A moment later, all the colour drained from her face in an instant. He followed her gaze out of the windshield, spotting an area of tall stone pillars reaching skyward. 'Hey…Juroah. I think we're coming up on the expanse.'

'I don't want to be here,' she gasped, her breath catching in her throat as she pressed a hand to her chest.

Ronon reached forward and squeezed her shoulder. 'Hey…it's okay.'

Mishta continued to struggle for breath. 'No…no it's not. I don't want to be here.'

'Juroah!' Sheppard shouted more urgently. 'I'm gonna need you to take over.'

The Old Birajan jumped in the pilot seat as John guided Mishta out of it. 'What is it, youngling. What's wrong.'

'He's…inside…me,' she panted, suddenly weighing heavy as her legs began to buckle.

Lansha almost shouldered Sheppard aside to get to her. 'Mishta, what is it? What can I do?'

'Still think it was such a good idea to bring her here?' Sheppard growled as he gave ground to him.

'This is not the time!' Lansha hissed back, grasping Mishta's upper arms tightly. 'What is it? What's wrong?'

'He's…inside me!' she cried again, trying to pull free. 'John! Get him out! Please!'

Though Lansha jealously tried to master the situation, his sister's pleas eventually had him relenting. He gave way to Sheppard and allowed him to kneel with Mishta so he could coach her back to normal breathing.

'He's not inside you,' he told her, holding her hands in his. 'He's gone now.'

'But he was inside me, wasn't he? That was real.'

He looked into her reddened eyes and tried not to break down along with her. If she was like this out here, with just the sight of the needles to trigger her, what the hell would happen when they went inside the facility? 'He was. But he's gone and he's never coming back,' he assured her, the sounds of her screams as the Wraith sucked Akalus out of her echoing in his memory.

She shook her head, beginning to panic again. 'We can't know that. We thought he was gone last time.'

He took hold of her face and made her focus on him. 'Mishta…you trust me, don't you?'

As she looked back into his eyes, he saw the panic begin leave her. 'Yes.'

'Then listen to me. He's gone, and this time he can't come back.'

'I'm frightened.'

He looked over at Lansha, who had sullenly skulked back to his seat and refused to look their way. That bastard meant to see this through. Sheppard had to wonder if this was really meant to help Mishta at all, or whether it was something he needed to do for himself.

'I'll be right there with you,' he promised her. 'Nothing bad's gonna happen.'

She held his hands so tightly she almost crushed his fingers, but he didn't complain. She was terrified…and with good reason. This was the hub of everything bad that happened before she died. Ascended, he corrected himself. None of them had actually died; Teer and her friends had plucked them out right at the moment they would have. Ascending was probably the least traumatic thing she might remember.

'Mishta, come sit up next to me,' Juroah said softly. His calm presence seemed to snap her out of her fugue, and she thankfully released her death grip and climbed into the co-pilot seat.

The look Ronon gave Sheppard told him his friend thought this was just as stupid an idea as he did. Only Lansha thought this was the answer to all their problems.

Juroah set the craft down in the field of needles, close to where the entrance of the underground chamber lay. He sat and silently watched Mishta a while, then reached over and patted her on the knee. 'You're a brave one, Mishta. No one doubts that. But you don't have to do this today…not if you don't want to.'

'We're here now…might as well just get it over with,' Lansha insisted, jumping up from his seat and throwing open the hatch. 'Come on, Mishta. It's just this way.'

She looked John's way, then back at Juroah. 'I have to do this some time, I suppose.'

'Not really,' Sheppard told her. 'You'll get all your memories back in time. It'll just take a little longer.'

'Is there something you don't want me to remember?' she asked him, taking him by surprise.

Yes, all of it, he thought, but then he really considered her question. Yes, there was something he was afraid of her remembering. The fact that he had been the cause of her 'death'. What if that was too much to forgive? He knew in his heart that he'd done the right thing, but Lansha was struggling to come to terms with it. What if she reacted the same way? He would lose her. Again.

He shook his head, and gave her a tight smile. 'No…nothing.'

'Then I might as well do it,' she told them. 'Like Lansha says, we've come all this way, no point in wasting a journey.'

He hesitated a moment longer as she descended the ramp. She was one gutsy woman. That was why he liked her so much. He only hoped this didn't go as badly as he feared.

Juroah rose beside him. 'Are you ready, Human?' he asked, looking up at him.

'No,' he replied, before striking out after her.

A/N: Mishta's having a hard time already. This isn't going to be easy! One chapter to go. Thanks to everyone still reviewing. It's very much appreciated.