"You fucking whore," Draco seethed under his breath angrily. He lifted his hand to swirl away the Death Eater mask as he paced before me, his boots made horrible, rapid thudding noises that reminded me of a count down to the end of the world, and his long raven cloak billowed as though the building was incredibly windy.
I was horribly lost in the moment, as though I had just taken a highly potent narcotic drug and come to sentience on the sidewalk like a crack head. Tears ran down my face as I curled my fingers into the wood before me, trying to remember exactly who I was, what I had been doing in the woods, and with who.
I sat back on my haunches, speechless, letting tears slide down my cheeks. My understanding of my world waxed and waned and slowly came into focus as the last of the insidious potion was digested by my metabolism.
He lost his patience with my silence and knelt before me, and my eyes slid to the bright glass of the watch on his wrist in the candlelight. His nose flared so dangerously I couldn't tell if he was actually going to harm me for once. He just breathed heavily, jaggedly, his eyes drilled into me like artillery machinery.
His hand shot forward and tangled in the collar of my dress, yanking my face towards his at break neck speed. I cowered in his icy glare, sucking in my breath haphazardly and with horrible anticipation that I had truly lost him forever. When he spoke his voice boomed with a cavernous, cutthroat rage, "Explain yourself, if you even can."
His breath blew hot and combatively in my face as I scanned his eyes for any form of humanity. He had clearly been busy with Death Eater tasks that evening and was in a mindset that I couldn't relate to. He was irate, hostile, impatient, and notably obliviated. The risk of the altercation ending badly was at an all time high and I was not in the state of mind to explain myself at all.
"I was drugged," I replied in a feeble squeak.
His raised an eyebrow and his lip curled wickedly to the side of his pointy nose, "How convenient. I don't believe you. I hope it was worth it."
I put my hands on his knees, as my heart rate rapidly increased with my awareness. He was slipping away and I could see it in his eyes. Draco was lest known for being forgiving or tolerant, and the chance that he would understand let alone accept what he had seen would be razor thin. Harry and I had arguably made it to a second base situation with the groping and kissing, and I had already told Draco of a previous kiss with Harry. The incidents were stacking up.
I thought of how unfortunate it was that we had wandered beyond the borders of the wards. If we hadn't, while it would've been pathetic to hide such an event, clearly the potion that poisoned both Harry and I was short lived. It had worn off so rapidly we'd hardly spent twenty minutes together before realizing our surroundings were off. If I had only had the chance to register the incident on my own time and decide how to tell Draco later, it would've been an entirely different affair then him witnessing our fornication for himself.
My voice came out pitched and desperate, "Draco, I didn't do anything on purpose. We were slipped love potions. Please..." I reached towards him but he swerved away pitilessly.
His fingers moved like a python, wrapping around my neck to pull my face fully into his, my nose pushed against his uncomfortably. I suddenly struggled to breath in the chokehold, gasping uncomfortably. "You lie," he accused instantly, his tone expelled certainty and betrayal. "Bringing you back here was a mistake. You should go."
I looked into the cyan eyes of the boy that I loved, desperately hoping that he would see me in return, but he was livid and mistrustful. "I didn't... I... didn't do it willingly. It was Pansy." I finally managed to choke something of value out between his strong fingers clamping down on my jugular.
He let me go then, and for a fleeting moment while I coughed and regained my breath, I had hope that he'd understand, that he would hear me out. But to my horror he moved swiftly to the staircase and I was forced to stand dizzily as I clambered after him, gripping the stone architecture of the stair case. Stars swam in front of me like irritating nats.
He stopped at least fifteen stairs above me, "Don't follow me. You and I... were through. I can't continue to entertain a parade of insults to our celibacy. You've always done this. I won't allow it anymore." His eyes burned down at me and I could tell despite everything, despite his obliviated condition, that he was fighting away tears from brimming in his reddening eyes.
"Over?" I asked in strangled voice, suddenly gasping rapidly. No, we couldn't be. I clung to the banister of the staircase, heaving in sharp and painful hoards of air, trying to process what he was saying. My thoughts flooded with denial and I felt light headed - it wasn't possible. I had just been in his arms less than twenty-four hours ago in a hotel, and now here he was barely a day later, telling me we were through.
He nodded his head with an undeniable frown lacing his features, "Yes, over. I can't condone your infidelity any longer. What I witnessed tonight cannot be taken back." He stepped back several steps and turned to leave and I panicked.
"No! We can't be. Draco, please. Let me explain." My hand reached upwards and he turned with ache and repudiation on his face. I was now actively bawling in front of him, smearing hoards of tears away from my eyes.
His lip trembled for only a second but I had seen it, even through his attempt at being strong. His breath slipped out in quick spurts, clearly uncontrolled, and the suffering that he was feeling as he said the following words went unmasked, "Leave. Don't ever come back here. We're broken up. I don't want an explanation. I'm done." He held himself with unforeseeable composure on the steep stairs above me and I knew that he meant what he'd said.
My heart suddenly felt like an elevator that had lost control of its hold in a tall vertical axis. It plummeted down through my body, dangerously low, and I could do nothing to stop the devastation. I almost stumbled and rolled down the stairs with the wave of panic and terror that splashed through my spine and veins. I looked up at him pathetically begging, "Please, don' do dis Draco."
He thought for a moment, his eyes never leaving mine, before suddenly leaping down several stairs. He stopped on the one above mine to leer down at me mockingly, "You'll never be good enough to be a Malfoy anyways. You've always been weak, sniveling at the smallest of things. Pathetic." His blue eyes flitted away to the wall and I knew he was searching for ways to split us apart to make it easier. "You and I shouldn't be together. I'm a Death Eater, and you aren't. It will always be uneven."
I looked downwards, "I don' care about dat. At all." Narcissa and Lucius were not both Death Eaters - there was no logic behind his hurtful words. I reached for his robes with my trembling fingers and his face twisted in pain. He grabbed my fingers tightly and disapparated back to the woods where he'd found Harry and I.
I scrambled in the leaves as he rapidly backed away. "Don't come back to the Manor, I'll make sure that you can't. I never want to see you again," he spat viciously and then was gone in black smoke.
The following silence was deafening. Save for an owl hooting in the distance and the gentle rustle of the wind, I was alone beneath the judgmental moon.
After a few minutes of staring speechless at the ground before me, my mind finally broke through the shock enough to register what had just happened. I dug my fingers into fistfuls of leaves, crying loudly in agony.
I seemed to be ping ponging between the seven stages of grief all at once. I was angry at him for not letting me explain and for breaking up with me so rapidly. Thoughts of bargaining and denial floated through my head; he had just been in a bad mood that night, he would surely be back to listen to me.
But he wouldn't.
Draco, albeit being one to make quick and toxic decisions, stuck to his word. He was prideful beyond belief and would not return just to make himself look more of a fool than he already felt from the cheating.
I slumped on the ground wailing like a toddler in a playpen who's toy had just been hijacked. I was so frantically in love with him and the world that we had shared that I couldn't imagine losing him. I would never see Nibbles again, or the Manor, or hold him in my arms. The tragedy of losing him felt like a freight train running me over. I wasn't sure how I would even function or go on with the searing hot torment that now monopolized my heart.
I stayed there shaking in the chilly night until the sun rose, hoping without rationale that he would change his mind and come back. My face was stinging from tears as I finally pushed myself to my feet feeling like a rickety skeleton. I used what energy I had left to disapparate straight into my bedroom and wobbled to the tiny bed, dry heaving on tears that just could not physically continue to flow.
I passed out eventually despite the blinding sunlight coming in through the window, and my dreams offered me absolutely no escape. All I dreamt of while I slept for several hours of the burgeoning day was Draco - the pretty boy who was so perfectly wicked and complicated, who had belonged solely to me. My mind clearly had one thing and one thing only on it.
When I awoke in the afternoon I simply clung to the sheets and wept again for hours, continuing to deny what had occurred. Was he at the Manor crying as much as I was? Did he feel what I felt? He had to. He would come back, he had to. It had all been a misunderstanding that had unraveled for too hastily.
Then there was the not-so-little matter of Pansy. Once my strength returned I decided that I would crawl out of that bed and positively slay her. I would find a way to get my revenge on the horrible girl who had been the cause of everyone's trauma the prior evening.
Downstairs I could hear loud and harried arguing. Furniture was being shoved around and I caught wind of a few lines;
We aren't safe here anymore...
...had the chance to kill me and he didn't, I think Madeleine may have been right about Draco even though it's hard to...
He took her?
I checked on her, she's back somehow. She's been asleep for..
I pulled my lousy pillow over my head and tried to drown them out. I didn't want to know what they thought of the situation or of me. Harry clearly wasn't humiliated in the slightest, downstairs shouting over everybody about what they should do.
Two days dared to pass with no sign of Draco and no ability of mine to leave the safe haven of my bed. Finally I reached the limit of sheer starvation and extreme dehydration. I dragged myself down the stairs at four in the morning. I chugged water in the silent common area, watching the fire crackle low in its abandonment. I then force fed myself bread and an apple and sat by the fire with silent tears running down my face. I would rather have had a broken bone than that level of heartbreak. It put my separation with Lucas to shame; the two relationships were incomparable and I had no precedent to go off of with regards to managing the misery.
A few hours had passed of me staring deadpan at the extinguished fireplace when Ron, Harry and Ginny came down to prepare for their Monday morning scouting. They all slowed down awkwardly when they noticed me curled up in one of the musty living room chairs. Harry's eyes shot to the floor in embarrassment and Ginny scowled so sharply I thought she might shoot a hex at me.
As Ron and Ginny starting packing things with nosy glimpses out of the corner's of their eyes, Harry practically advertised his bravery by coming and sitting next to me with clasped hands. His green eyes roved over my destroyed state. I knew my eyes and nose were red from crying for days and my hair was uncharacteristically tangled. "What happened... it was Pansy, she put potions in both of our drinks. To cause trouble. Clearly it worked in more way than one," he explained calmly. When I said nothing but look down at the blanket wrapped around my legs he continued, "She's been removed from the Order. You don't have to worry about her anymore." I briefly wondered how one could be removed from the Order. Where was she now?
"And what about Malfoy, Madeleine?" Ron snarled from the kitchen with a banana frozen in his palm. His blue eyes were dark and impatient.
I sniffed to clear my nose and toyed with a loose strand on the blanket, "'e will not come back. We are split up now." I whimpered slightly and had to cover my face with my hands. I knew they wouldn't understand why I was pining after him. I could feel the amused energy from Ginny in the kitchen a few meters away, evidently enjoying my grief.
Harry sighed deeply, "Well, perhaps it was for the best. I still think we need to move now, in case his anger results in a betrayal of the Order and this location, or Pansy does for that matter."
All I could do was nod, "I don' think dat he would, but better safe dan sorry."
Harry stood, "Good. Pack your things. Everyone will be packing today. We're going to find a new location and set up a new ward, then we move tonight." I watched with heavy eyes as they gathered their things and slammed the door shut.