Chapter 42

Harry paced the sitting room of his suite, rubbing his face with a soaked handkerchief he'd conjured about a litre of tears ago. He wasn't sure how long ago Tom had arrived and sent him from the family room so he could put Sirius back to rights but Harry had, much to his everlasting shame, burst out into rather hysterical tears the moment he'd seen Tom enter.

Harry wasn't sure he'd ever felt as relieved as he did when his soulmate came to his rescue, especially since his mind had kept coming up with horror scenarios as he'd waited for the cavalry to arrive. What if Sirius had succeeded in dragging him to Dumbledore? What if Dumbledore had forced his way into Harry's mind, or simply emptied half a vial of veritaserum down Harry's throat. Everything would have been lost and Dumbledore most likely would have immediately done away with Harry right there and then after he'd extracted all the useful information from him on how to defeat Tom.

And no matter that Harry knew he was essentially immortal, and so was Tom, and Tom didn't even have any horcruxes anymore for Dumbledore to destroy, the scenarios his mind came up with resembled much of Harry's worst nightmares those days.

So was it any surprise he had been a little bit upset when Tom stepped through the door?

Harry sniffed and wiped a hand across his face. He'd stopped crying now, finally, but his nose was still clogged and his whole face felt swollen, his eyes especially.

How long did Tom need to deal with Sirius? Harry wasn't even sure what Tom was doing exactly, and he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. Harry was sure Tom wouldn't hurt Sirius, but he also knew that Tom probably wasn't being too gentle while trudging through Sirius' mind.

A soft knock sounded on the bedroom door and Harry stopped pacing at once and stared as Tom quietly entered the suite.

"Is Sirius…" Harry wasn't sure what he was asking.

"He's sleeping thanks to a simple charm. He'll wake up in a couple of hours." Tom gestured at Harry to sit down in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace.

Harry wanted nothing more than throw himself at Tom and hug him until the end of time, but Tom's expression was guarded and calculating and Harry didn't think this was the time to test their new physical boundaries, whatever those even were. So he sat down with a small sigh and stared at Tom quietly, hoping his soulmate was going to explain what was happening without much prompting because Harry's mind was still in turmoil and probably not yet capable of forming many coherent sentences.

"A small word of advice," Tom finally said as he sat down in a chair opposite Harry. "Have people sign the secrecy contract before you spill your deepest, darkest secrets." Tom briefly held up the signed secrecy contract in his hand before tucking it away in his trousers.

"Er…" Harry closed his mouth while his cheeks burned, feeling very foolish indeed he hadn't thought of that. It would have saved him some genuine panic, not to mention if he'd done that and Sirius had managed to drag him before Dumbledore, he wouldn't have been able to actually say why he was there or what he'd discovered about Harry and Voldemort.

"Sometimes I forget how young you actually are," Tom said, expression relaxing into a fond smile while his eyes crinkled with amusement.

Harry huffed in sudden irritation. "I'm not actually eleven."

"I know, my dear. But you are only eighteen," Tom held up a hand when Harry started to protest, "Yes, I know you're technically an adult, but take it from someone who's just a few years older than you that you're still very young and you still have so much to learn about life."

"Fine." Harry leaned back in his chair, fighting the overwhelming urge to suddenly have a good, long sulk.

Briefly shaking his head, Tom leaned back in his seat as well. "Dobby, could you bring us some tea?" Within a minute Dobby had arranged a full tea service with some little finger pastries and Harry gratefully sipped a cup of hot brew, only now realizing how thirsty he was after crying his eyes out for a good, long while.

Tom took his time as well to take a few sips of his own cup before offering Harry a reassuring smile. "Not all is lost, my dear. Black believed you and he was firmly on your side until you mentioned the fact that you'd brought Voldemort back and had thrown in your lot with him."

"But I didn't say I brought Voldemort back," Harry insisted with an angry little groan.

"Harry, you sweet little Gryffindor." Tom leaned forward a little to stare deeply into Harry's eyes. "You seem to expect that everyone will be able to forgive me as easily as you have, but you forget that there are many people in our world who've suffered so much under my violent past that they'll never be able to forgive me, no matter what you and I do or say."

"Well," Harry started and then pursed his lips while his eyebrows knotted up into a deep frown. "But I didn't easily forgive you, though."

"Didn't you?" Tom asked with a quiet chuckle. "You all but invited yourself over for tea with your arch-nemesis and immediately decided we'd be allies."

"In this life, yeah," Harry said with some urgency. "But in our last lives, I bloody well killed you. How's that for quick forgiveness?"

"Ah, if you're counting our previous lives then no, you haven't easily forgiven me." Tom sipped his tea again before continuing, still talking in an utterly reasonable tone. "But you forget that besides the two of us, the rest of the world doesn't have the luxury of doing their lives over. All they have is this life, with all their pain and suffering still fresh in their mind. You cannot possibly expect someone like Black, who's lost so much to me and my previous actions –"

"But they weren't your actions, Tom," Harry cut him off, quick as always to jump to his soulmate's defence, even against Tom himself.

"But they were." Tom narrowed his eyes and gave Harry a decidedly stern look, as if lecturing him on a life changing subject. "I split my soul, however young and stupid I was at the time. I did that to myself and I turned myself insane and I then spent decades terrorizing our world, killing and torturing my way through our society without a care of who got hurt."

"But…"

"You have to understand, my dear, that almost no one is willing to forgive me for that, except for people like Dorus and Barty who already were on my side to begin with. Everyone else will never accept that Voldemort got a magical make-over and is suddenly best friends with his prophesized enemy and that this somehow should make up for the decades of horror he's caused." When Harry didn't have anything to say to that, Tom added with a challenging curve of his eyebrow, "How do you think the Longbottom boy you're friends with would react if he knew you'd snogged what was once the Dark Lord?"

Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing at that description, and he tried his best to imagine Neville hearing about Harry being in love with a new and improved version of Voldemort while Neville's parents were stuck in a hospital utterly insane because of their involvement in the fight against the aforementioned Dark Lord.

"Or how about Amelia Bones' niece? I murdered her parents personally."

Pursing his lips, Harry finally gave a nod of agreement. He knew, no matter how much he wished for things to be different, that people like Neville or Susan would never accept Tom for who he really was, or Harry for standing firmly by Tom's side.

And when Harry looked deep within himself, he knew that Sirius would never accept it either, no matter how much Harry wanted him to, so much so he'd thrown caution to the wind, ignored Tom's warning and he'd just gone full steam ahead with a very poorly thought out plan.

Ah, the curse of being a Gryffindor at heart.

"Yeah, you're right," Harry finally whispered, offering Tom a tiny nod of agreement. "I just wanted Sirius to be on my side so much."

"He is on your side," Tom assured him. "I've obliviated any knowledge about the real me from his mind, and replaced it with our cover story. Sirius now knows that Thomas Gaunt is Voldemort's bastard son and he believes that learning you're friends with Voldemort's offspring is why he reacted poorly. You two got into an argument and Sirius went to cool off in his own room where he fell asleep. He'll probably apologize to you once he wakes up."

"So he still knows I came back?" Harry perked up, feeling an enormous sense of relief that Sirius would accept that part of the real him.

"Yes, he does and like I said before, he believes you and he's firmly on your side." Tom placed his empty cup on the table and poured himself some more tea, and after Harry held out his cup, refilled that as well. "Just to be sure, I added a few small, undetectable compulsions. That Black will never trust Dumbledore again, and that Black will never rescind Kreacher's access to any Black family property."

"Yeah, Kreacher saved my hide today," Harry said in quick agreement, feeling beyond grateful for the old elf. And to think that once upon a time he'd hated Kreacher's guts and here Kreacher went and saved his life.

"I had alerted Kreacher to the possibility of you needing his urgent assistance during your stay here," Tom said with a smile that was far too innocent.

"Wait, what? You told my elf to keep an eye on me?" Harry wasn't quite sure if he should be angry about this or not.

"Of course." Tom's shrug was entirely nonchalant. "If it means keeping you alive and out of Dumbledore's hands, I will interfere in your life, Harry, as much as I need to."

Harry couldn't hold back a shiver at hearing Dumbledore's name. He was still beyond upset that he'd almost fallen into the old goat's hands and because of his beloved godfather no less. "Fine, do what you like. I'll be over here, quietly freaking out because Sirius almost handed me over to fucking Dumbledore, even knowing how much of an enemy Dumbledore really is."

"You mustn't be too hard on your godfather, my dear," Tom said, much to Harry's surprise. "Black has turned his back on his own family, his own blood, to side with Dumbledore. And yet, choosing the good side did nothing to keep his best friend from dying because of something Black himself did. Though from what I could see, Dumbledore actually quietly suggested that perhaps Black should find a new secret-keeper, which makes perfect sense since Black would never have revealed the Potters' location to anyone. He'd have died for them, and Dumbledore wanted to set the prophecy in motion so he needed a confrontation between Voldemort and the prophecy child to happen."

Harry nodded while he swallowed against his suddenly dry throat. This wasn't new information, not at all, yet it still caused a sudden ache to erupt in Harry's chest. "Let me guess, Sirius still feels guilty about picking Pettigrew as the new secret-keeper."

"Exceedingly so, yes." Tom looked like he was choosing his next words with care as he lightly narrowed his eyes. "To Black it is immensely difficult to admit that he essentially chose the wrong side, that standing by Dumbledore is what caused a lot of the pain and suffering in his life. It is therefore no surprise that at the first opportunity Black was willing to believe the best of Dumbledore yet again, no matter what evidence to the contrary he was presented with, because in doing so he alleviates himself of much of the guilt he very much feels."

"Yeah, and feeling all that guilt for over a decade while surrounded by dementors probably didn't do his head any favours either," Harry said in a gloomy tone while staring down at the tea cup in his hands.

"It certainly didn't," Tom agreed solemnly. "But I have repaired whatever damage I could and I have made sure Black will never side with Dumbledore again not matter what, so you won't have to worry about that in the future."

"Thanks," Harry whispered, feeling oddly emotional again. "And sorry I didn't believe you when you told me not to tell him about Voldemort," he added in a mumble, embarrassment making him avoid Tom's gaze.

"There is no need to apologize for this, my dear," Tom assured him with a quick smile. "I understand there are lessons in life one must learn for themselves."

"Yeah, that from now on I'm only telling people I'm friends with Voldemort's spawn, not almost dating the man himself." The moment he realized what he'd just said Harry stared at Tom with wide eyes, suddenly worried he might have overstepped some invisible boundaries that he wasn't quite aware of yet.

But he needn't have worried, because the only thing Tom did in response was smile and Harry was so fucking happy to see those dimples again, if only for a brief moment before Tom changed his expression to something still very fond but also a little more guarded.

Yeah, Harry decided something very important there and then. It was from then on his sacred mission in life to get Tom to smile with dimples as often as he possibly could. This mission was now more important than anything else, because seeing Tom smile like that did things to Harry that seemed to somehow elevate his consciousness to higher levels never before reached by mankind. Also, it made his belly tingle in a most delicious way that for some reason made Harry remember what Tom looked like naked and wet.

"Yes, considering our future together it is probably for the best that we stick with introducing me as Thomas Gaunt to all the people of importance in your life," Tom said while Harry barely made out a word he said, but when his brain finally caught up with Tom's message Harry's face split open in a triumphant grin.

Their inevitable future relationship was still a go, and that was all Harry needed to hear every now and then.

"This whole episode did remind me that I have to renew your mental shields," Tom said and Harry blinked a few times in bewilderment because he'd honestly completely forgotten this was something they needed to do over the holidays. "Come stand between my legs."

Harry sprang up, not worried about letting Tom in his mind because Harry didn't have any secrets to keep from his soulmate. The fact that Harry wanted a relationship with Tom was old news by now and that was the only thing that at one point might have stopped Harry from letting Tom root around in his head. But that kneazle was well and truly out of the bag so Harry stepped between Tom's legs and noted with some disappointment that he was so short, and Tom so bloody tall, that with Harry standing and Tom sitting they could see perfectly into each other's eyes.

"This won't hurt. Just hold still," Tom said as he leaned forward a little, keeping his gaze fixed on Harry, who in turn took this opportunity to study Tom's eyes. They used to be brown after Tom got his body back, but Harry barely had time to get used to that before Tom had visited the wizard who had permanently transfigured his features. So now his eyes were a very nice, very deep blue, with tiny flecks of green and brown visible if one looked careful enough.

The next thing Harry knew was a cloud, a glowing cloud much like the one he'd felt the previous evening when he'd realized how he really felt about Tom, only this time the cloud was a hundred times brighter and denser and it filled Harry up and buried him whole.

"Fuck," Harry whispered, swaying on his feet. He'd never ever felt anything this good in his life before.

"It appears to be a side-effect of our unique connections," Tom said from a million miles away. "Just hold still for a few more moments while I get this shield renewed."

Harry swayed and swayed, his mind glowing and his heart pounding and he vaguely realized this must be because they shared their dreams now and had been since Tom was resurrected. The first time Tom had put the shield in place they'd barely known each other, certainly didn't trust each other or cared for one another.

But now everything was different and it showed in their connection, which went so far beyond intimate that Harry couldn't even find the right words to describe what was happening. It wasn't sexual, because compared to this connection sex seemed something utterly superficial and useless.

It was the simultaneous joining of souls and minds of two individuals who cared deeply for the other.

With a quiet pop Tom left Harry's mind but much to Harry's surprise and pleasure the glowing feeling that covered them both remained, at least for now, and Harry couldn't care less anymore about boundaries and he simply let himself fall forward.

Thankfully, Tom caught him in a tight embrace, and Harry buried his face in Tom's neck with a quiet sigh while he scooted completely onto Tom's lap and then he basked.

Tom didn't say a single word, but simply followed Harry's example and lazed while holding Harry against him in a hug tight enough that Harry was sure he never wanted to let him go again. Maybe they slept or maybe they dozed or maybe they were both wide awake for hours and hours, Harry honestly wasn't sure. It wasn't until they heard a knock on the door of Harry's suite that they both snapped out of it.

"Wow," Harry breathed as he reluctantly extracted himself from Tom, who seemed just as dazed as Harry felt.

"Harry? Can I come in? Just to talk, promise." Sirius asked from behind the closed bedroom door and Harry remembered that he probably wanted to apologize for their fictional fight or something.

Harry sat himself down in his own chair while rubbing his hands across his face to snap himself out of it and focus on the there and then instead of glowing together with Tom. "Come in," Harry finally called out, and then cleared his throat because his voice cracked horribly.

Sirius opened the door slowly and stuck his head inside. He was about to offer Harry a tentative smile when he noticed the man sitting opposite Harry and at once Sirius swung the door open completely, face darkening significantly.

"You said these were my rooms and I assumed I could have friends over," Harry said in a tone that was more defiant than anything else, but it was the only thing Harry could think of to say to save the situation.

"Black," Tom said with a polite little nod, looking entirely put together and not at all as if he'd just spent hours cuddling with child Harry while they rubbed their souls and minds together and yes, that made it all sound far worse than it actually was.

"Gaunt," Sirius replied quickly and then looked back at Harry. "Yeah, of course you can have friends over, but maybe announce them first?"

Harry wanted to point out that the circumstances that day hadn't exactly allowed for that, but Tom stood up and gave Harry an encouraging smile.

"I'll leave you both to it," Tom said while offering Sirius another polite nod. "During my next visit I'll make sure to properly announce my presence, I promise. For now, I wish you both well and Harry, we'll stay in touch." And without waiting for a response, Tom swept from the room.

Sirius frowned after Tom and then sat down in the chair Tom had just vacated. "Look, I'm sorry how things went during our earlier talk, but you've got to understand that learning you're best friends with Voldemort's spawn is a little much."

"He's nothing like his father," Harry said, playing along with this new scenario.

Sirius clasped his hands in his lap, leaning forward a little so he could stare at Harry intently. "I know you believe that, Harry, but how can you be sure?"

Harry was about to let loose a sting of swear words at Sirius' utter stubbornness until he had an epiphany. He sat up a little straighter and looked at Sirius with the best challenging expression he could manage. "And how do I know you're not like the rest of the Blacks? Your mother supported Voldemort, your father even went to school with him. Your brother voluntarily joined him and your cousin is utterly insane and worships the ground Voldemort walks on."

Sirius opened and closed his mouth a few times as he stared at Harry with wide eyes while Harry kept looking at him with a carefully constructed expression full of sheer defiance. "Yeah, all right, point taken," Sirius finally said with a sigh before his mouth transformed into a grin. "Well played. Just promise me if the bloke ever does something suspicious you'll tell me at once."

"Sure," Harry said easily, returning Sirius grin with one of his own. "You'll be the first to know."

"That's all I ask. Now, are you hungry? Vivi prepared us a bit of a Christmas dinner." Sirius stood up while looking down at Harry expectantly.

Was it dinner time already? How long had he and Tom been cuddling? Harry quickly got up as well. "Yeah, I could eat."

Dinner was had in the family dining room, which was lit with dozens of candles since darkness had fallen outside. Vivi served them a delicious dinner of a prime rib roast, Yorkshire puddings, praline chestnuts and sprouts, and parsnip and carrot puree. All of this came with a rich gravy and a chunky apple compote. Dessert was a luxurious trifle with fresh mango and pineapple.

During dinner they kept to small-talk, Harry telling a few Quidditch stories from his previous life and Sirius offering up a few of his own memories of his Hogwarts days. It wasn't until they were halfway through dessert that Sirius accidentally hit upon a sore subject for Harry.

"So in your previous life, did you have any girlfriends? I bet you were real popular with the ladies. I know James always was." Sirius waggled his eyebrows as he looked at Harry with a crooked smile.

Putting down his spoon, Harry sighed, chest filling with that cold, bitter sense of betrayal he always felt when remembering what had happened the day his friends turned on him.

"Harry?" Sirius put his spoon down as well, expression morphing into one of deep concern.

"It's fine," Harry said with a quick wave of his hand. "I wasn't really popular, but I did have a girlfriend for a bit, Ginny Weasley. But she betrayed me when the ministry put me on trial."

"Oh." Sirius looked down, his face doing a few very complicated things. "How fucked up is it that both you and your parents had to deal with friends that ended up betraying you."

"Yeah, it sucks," Harry said bluntly, and then he realized this was an opportunity to perhaps help Sirius let go of some of the guilt he felt. "But Wormtail betrayed you, too. He betrayed everyone and no one could have predicted it. Just like I would have never, not in a million years, believed that Ron, Hermione and Ginny would one day betray me and stand back to let the ministry execute me instead of fighting for me with everything they had."

Sirius eyes shone suspiciously and Harry saw him swallow a few times in a row.

"The point is, that unless you're an actual mind-reader, you'll never know what really goes on in people's heads. I sure as fuck couldn't have seen it coming, what Ron, Hermione and Ginny did, just like you and Remus and my parents couldn't have seen it coming what Peter did. He was your friend, after all. All you knew is that he would never betray you, because you would never, ever betray one of your friends. Just like I would never have stood back to see the ministry murder any of my friends. I would have fought to the death to save them."

Sirius nodded vigorously as he avoided Harry's gaze, quickly wiping his hand over his eyes a few times. "That makes sense. I would have died for James and Remus and yes, even Peter, because he was one of us. But not everyone is like that, and that is something I didn't yet know back then."

"It's a very hard lesson to learn, isn't it?" Harry said softly, while a sense of strange comradery filled him. This was perhaps the first time since coming back that he was talking to someone who understood like few others what it was like to be betrayed by a close friend. "But once you learn it, you never forget it."

Sirius made a gruff but affirmative sound, and Harry decided to leave it there since he didn't want to push Sirius over the edge into a complete breakdown. They could always talk about this touchy subject some more at another time. So Harry went back to his trifle and Sirius did the same.

They spent the next few hours playing a few games in the family room, which Tom had quickly repaired by the looks of it while they shared more stories. Harry felt able to talk about some of the adventures he'd had with Ron and Hermione over the years, the sting of their betrayal not nearly as sharp anymore the more he talked about them.

Harry went to bed at a reasonable time as it had been a very exciting day, all things considered and he was rather exhausted. The next morning, after a traditional English breakfast, Sirius dragged Harry and Remus along for another morning of flying around the estate. Harry reasoned that having been incarcerated in a small, stone cell for over a decade made it all the more tempting for Sirius to go flying and experience a real sense of freedom. Not that Harry was complaining, because he loved spending a few hours on a broom high in the sky.

They stopped right before noon and went about cleaning themselves up and putting on some nice clothes, since the Tonks' were expected for lunch.

Right before one o'clock Ted, Andromeda and Tonks stepped out of the floo and greetings were exchanged, as were a few gifts. Tonks handed Harry a brightly wrapped box that contained five of Honeydukes' most popular bars of chocolate and Harry thanked her with a huge smile because he genuinely loved Honeydukes' delicacies.

Instead of immediately sitting down for lunch, Sirius led them to the family room for some aperitifs. Harry watched quietly as Remus sat down in one of the armchairs while Tonks seated herself on a sofa with her mother. That wouldn't do. Harry was deep in thought, trying to come up with a plan to gently push Tonks towards Remus and vice versa because Harry wanted a godson at some point in the future, when Sirius stood in front of them, holding up his sherry while clearing his throat.

"I have something to tell you," Sirius said, and for some reason Remus got a huge frown on his face while Sirius offered him a quick reassuring smile before looking around the assembled people. "Remus and I are in a relationship and I wanted you all to be the first to know."

Harry's mouth sank open.

What?

What?

How even was this possible? Remus was supposed to marry Tonks and make Harry's godson, not suddenly be in a relationship with Harry's godfather, who, as far as Harry knew, would be unable to give Harry a godson at all.

Before Harry could stop himself, he yelped, "No!"