This wasn't real. Seeing this woman again out of nowhere was short circuiting his brain. Steve could feel everything he'd gained slipping away and he couldn't do anything about it. He was frozen and trapped in this box and he couldn't get out. And for some reason, the woman had no reaction to seeing him. What was this? Steve couldn't understand what was happening.

He didn't even notice her leaving, or that he'd sunk to the floor in the corner of the elevator. Had Tony set this up? What were the chances that the one time he'd take this elevator that he would see someone from that horrible day? Was his fear from the beginning coming true? That Tony had been faking all his kindness, just to make the fall that much more satisfying? Steve couldn't believe that, because then he'd have nothing.

Steve ducked his head down to his knees, trying to pretend he was back on his floor with the team. The morning had started off so well, but now Steve felt like he was dying. Was he still on the floor of that fake hospital room? Had he made up everything that happened since in some trauma induced fever dream? Things had been going too well. He should've known.

"Steve! What the hell happened?!"

Life in the tower had been too perfect. Since when did Steve get everything he ever hoped for?

"Jarvis, close those doors and stop the elevator!"

He was alone.

"Steve, please look at me. You gotta tell me what happened."

There was nothing left for him.

"Jarvis, send the footage of Steve getting back to the building to my phone."

His heart couldn't handle this.

"Oh shit, oh no."

He couldn't do this anymore.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Steve could feel himself being moved, but he didn't fight against it. He didn't have the strength or drive to do anything. He was resting against something warm, but he couldn't feel it in his own body. His veins felt like ice.

"Steve, please say something. You're scaring me, please."

That sounded like Tony, but Tony was there the other time too. Was he still trying to wake him up?

"S'real?"

"Yes Steve. I'm real, you're real. We're at home and it's December 2012. You have plans to make ice cream with Natasha later, remember? I wanted chocolate and Clint wanted mint chocolate chip, so you decided to do plain vanilla and then set up a sundae bar? And you got that new speaker to listen to the audiobook Bruce recommended in the hot tub?"

"But she- you didn't?"

"No! God no, I wouldn't!" Steve felt his head being cradled and wetness dropping onto his scalp. "Please believe me, I would never do that to you again."

"Tony, Tony," Steve chanted, trying to anchor himself back into reality. He couldn't have imagined everything, because even in his wildest dreams he wouldn't have been as happy as he'd been these past few weeks. And Steve owed a lot of it to the man who was holding him right now.

"It's okay, you're okay," Tony mumbled into his hair. Steve nodded, clinging onto those words. Everything was starting to come back into focus. He couldn't really explain what happened. It was like one moment he was fine and the next his brain was fried and he couldn't form a cohesive thought.

"I'm sorry," Steve whispered, carefully unwrapping his arms from around his legs. After everything Tony had done for him, he didn't deserve for Steve to even consider he'd do something this cruel.

"Don't you dare apologize to me. I will never be able to make up for what I did to you. And I can't fault you for not trusting me when we haven't even discussed what happened."

"I don't- we don't need to-"

"You have to stop letting me be a coward!" Tony burst out, leaning back to rake a hand through his hair.

"That's not it. I'm the one who's scared," Steve whispered, looking away in shame.

"Tell me why. Please, just help me understand," Tony implored, reaching forward to wrap his hand around his wrist. Steve stared down at it, imprinting the feeling of it in his memory in case it wouldn't last.

"I was afraid if you told me why you did it, you'd go back to being that guy. That you'd remember the reason and decide it was what you really wanted," Steve whispered, brushing away the tears that started to fall again. "I couldn't risk losing you."

"God, Steve," Tony gasped, leaning forward to hold Steve's face in his hands. Tony waited until Steve looked up and maintained eye contact before continuing. "There is absolutely no chance of me going back to the person I was. I regret everything I did and will never do it again. I love you too much to ever hurt you like that."

"You promise?" Steve murmured, pressing his forehead to Tony's. He wanted to believe so badly, but the fear of losing everything was terrifying. It was a lot to ask of someone to never let you down.

"I promise," Tony said, pulling him into a proper hug. Steve closed his eyes, gripping Tony as tight as he could. He had to put his faith in Tony right now. If he didn't, he'd always have that doubt in the back of his mind and that was no way to live.

"Okay, let's talk," Steve agreed, giving Tony one last squeeze before letting go. They helped each other stand and Tony wiped off Steve's face with his sleeve. He almost rolled his eyes at the tenderness of it all, but he truly appreciated it.

"Do you want to go back to my floor?" Tony asked, scrubbing off his own face now.

"Yeah."

"Jarvis, take us to the garage floor, no stops," Tony directed.

"I didn't know Jarvis was in this part of the tower," Steve said, straightening out his clothes in case they happened upon anyone else.

"Jarvis is everywhere, he just only answers to the team," Tony replied. They switched elevators as soon as the doors opened, thankfully not running into anyone else.

"Oh, your package," Steve sighed, pulling the little parcel from his pocket to hand over to Tony. "I didn't mean to disturb your work."

"You're more important than work," Tony brushed off, spinning the little box in his hands. When they finally got to Tony's floor, Steve was nervous. He could tell Tony was too. They had put this conversation off for so long that it had built into this massive thing. Steve didn't even know where to begin.

"Living room?" Tony suggested, tipping his head in that direction. Steve shrugged, following along and stopping behind one of the couches. There was so much pent up anxiety that he felt like he couldn't sit. This was one of those times he wished alcohol had an effect on him, because it might've been useful in calming him down a little. He tried to remind himself that this Tony would stay, just like he did through their other hard talks, but this one was getting to the heart of things and it was going to be painful no matter what.

"Um, I don't-"

"I spent my whole life seeking my fathers approval, doing anything I could to see if I could find a hint of love or pride for me hidden in that man. I just wanted a sign that would tell me he loved me like I loved him. I never really got it and then he died and I didn't have a chance after that," Tony started, pacing in front of the windows. Steve let him take the lead, since Tony seemed to need to get this out of his system. "And then you came along and I couldn't help but compare you to him, because he always said more nice things about you than he ever did about me."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize for Howard's choices. They were his and his alone," Tony insisted, wringing his hands. "When everyone ended up loving you, like people did with my dad, and you didn't seem to be giving anyone the time of day, I just saw my father again. And I know now why you were keeping everyone at arm's length, but back then I couldn't see past my own hurt."

"I'm sorry I pushed you away. It was like you were my one loose tie to the past, but when it seemed like you hated me, it made it hurt even worse. Like even that small connection was ripped away," Steve said quietly, looking up to try to blink his tears away. There was no way he was escaping this conversation without blubbering, but he couldn't break down already.

"Communication issues and buckets of trauma. My, aren't we a pair?" Tony scoffed, shaking his head.

"A good one now, I think," Steve offered, hoping Tony would agree. They still had a long way to go, but they seemed like they were getting better. Tony nodded, then continued on.

"So, like an immature child, I poked at you, because even a negative reaction is better than no reaction at all. And I feel like I'm belittling what I did to you by referring to it like that, because what I did was awful and cruel. I'm so sorry for everything I did," Tony apologized, the shame clear on his face. "But then you left and I understand why, but back then it felt like you couldn't be bothered with me. Like no matter what, everything was beneath you. Then Kansas happened." Steve sucked in a breath, because now they were getting to the hardest part. The part he never wanted to think about, let alone talk about again. But he knew they had to do it.

"When you got hurt, I was so scared. And when you didn't wake up after I gave you that drug, I was terrified. All I did while you were out was sit by your bedside, watching the monitors and listening to you breathe. I started imagining you waking up and us starting fresh, just putting everything that happened in the past. When you were finally healed and the doctors could tell you were going to wake up soon, I started bawling. I was so relieved that you were going to be okay and we could do everything I built up in my head. But then I got mad," Tony recounted, shaking his head at the memory. "I was so angry that I'd spent all this time worried about someone I was convinced didn't care about me. Didn't care about anyone really. You never showed anyone how you felt about leaving everyone you knew behind and I was certain you wouldn't care if it happened again."

Steve felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't shown anyone how much he hurt, because he needed to give everyone the strong Captain America they wanted. He never thought he would do it so well that people thought he didn't care about anything.

"So I set up that prank because I knew for sure that you wouldn't care. I'd have proof that you didn't care about any of us, so I could tell myself it wasn't just me. You'd wake up and move on, just like you had before. But I was wrong."

"Were you watching? Did you record it?"

"I was watching from another room, but I rushed back as soon as I saw your reaction wasn't what I thought it would be. And I promise, there are no recordings of it anywhere."

"And who were those women? Why was she in the elevator today?"

"They already worked here. The woman in the elevator just happened to look enough like the little girl. I never thought you'd run into any of them. I'd honestly forgotten they existed."

Steve let his shoulders sag, feeling exhausted now that the secrets were finally out. All this hurt because Tony didn't think Steve cared and because Steve thought he couldn't care. It sounded ridiculous now, after how far they'd come, but understandable knowing how they were back then. So much pain that could've been avoided, if only they'd actually talked to each other, instead of forming their own opinions and holding onto them stubbornly.

"I-" Steve started, before cutting himself off. He didn't really know what to say. Or how he felt. Part of him felt like he should be mad at Tony, because was there ever a good excuse to hurt someone like that? But instead of anger, he only felt sadness. Sadness that he'd had to go through all that and that Tony would have to live with the burden of knowing the harm he caused. Steve just didn't have the energy to hold a grudge over it. "I forgive you."

"What?" Tony spluttered, putting his hands on his hips. "You can't just forgive me. Not after everything."

"I did the holding onto my anger thing and it almost killed me," Steve admitted, thinking back to that time in his apartment. If he'd kept on that path, he would've died, there was no question left in his mind. "I know you now and everything you've done since then shows me your remorse. You didn't just say sorry or make excuses, you actively became a better person. You became my best friend and I'm not willing to lose that."

"I don't deserve that. I don't deserve you," Tony insisted, angrily wiping at his face.

"God Tony, you don't even understand how good you are. Look around at all the things you do for other people, without asking for a single thing in return. You once told me that even if I never did a single thing for anyone else again, it wouldn't diminish my worth. Don't you get that the same goes for you? Just because you made a mistake, that doesn't make you irredeemable. You deserve another chance and my forgiveness because I love you too."

Something broke in both of them at this point and they were both openly sobbing. Steve made the first move this time, walking around the couch so he could pull Tony into a hug. They clutched each other and wept in a way that was becoming worryingly common for Steve, but these tears felt like they were cleansing their relationship. All of the leftover pain and doubt was washing away as they held each other up and supported one another.

Steve didn't know how long they stood like that before they broke apart, but he was completely drained. It was still early afternoon and he had no idea how he was going to get through the rest of the day. He couldn't remember how he got through days of no sleeping, because now he felt like he could drop at any moment.

"I think I've hit my quota on crying today," Steve chuckled, rubbing at his eyes.

"Um, I might have something to say about that," Tony said sheepishly, grabbing the package from where he'd set it on the table.

"I thought this was a work thing," Steve said, taking the offered box. He was nervous because he had no idea what it could be.

"No, it's a Steve thing," Tony whispered. Tony's tone made Steve tense up even more. He wouldn't sound like that if this was just a normal gift. Steve peeled off the tape, taking care not to damage whatever was inside. Whatever it was had bubble wrap covering it, so he unwound it until it became more visible. His hands started shaking when he realized what it was.

"How?" Steve gasped, pulling the last pieces of plastic away before holding the small part of his past in his palm.

"They recovered it in the plane when they found you. I guess they thought filling a museum was more important than giving property to its rightful owner," Tony explained, placing a solid hand on his back. Steve was going to need the support. He popped open the top, staring down at the face of the only woman he'd ever loved.

"Thank you," Steve sobbed, feeling his knees go weak at the sight of something he thought he lost so long ago. Tony led him to a couch, letting Steve rest against him as he cried.

"Tell me about her?" Tony asked. And Steve did. Steve told him everything he remembered, from when they first met, to working together, to falling in love. He told Tony more than he'd ever told anyone, even Bucky. There were more tears, but eventually they started to be replaced by smiles. It was so hard to talk about, but as he went on, he realized pretending it never happened was even harder. She was so important to him that it wasn't fair not to remember her, to grieve her. Steve fell asleep against Tony's shoulder with words of acceptance falling from his lips.