So... things have happened. A lot of things. Becoming kinda homeless to homeless to kinda homeless to having a place. Went through several jobs. I've been at my current job for over a year, but I do want to get out of it at some point. Still trying to move to Canada to live with my fiancée, but that'll come when it comes. We're doing what we can. We didn't see each other for over a year due to Corona.

I've been really sick here lately. Missed three weeks of work. I thought I had Corona, but turns out it was a really bad migraine, which only got worse. So now I'm on all these medications plus vitamins. The meds were making me sick, but I'm handling it pretty okay.

I've been trying to get back into this story. To be honest, fanfiction in general has been putting me off. I'd rather work on my original story, but here lately, I've been wanting to dive back into my fanfics. I read this story over again yesterday and the day before (I'm a fast reader lol). I've read this story during my hiatus, and I tried to write this chapter, but nothing I did was working, so then I decided I'd write what I did. It's not the best, but it's better than nothing *shrugs*

Honestly, the reason this chapter was so hard is because we went from a big plot of Maruta being born, and I didn't want to go straight into the giant plot quite yet. It would feel choppy and eh.

I apologize to everyone who has been waiting for this story. I promise it's not abandon! But my updates may be super slow! Honestly, Naruto isn't my driving force anymore, and that's mostly due to the ending (Like that ending was awful!) Also, I've been getting into the Persona series. I've played Persona 5 Royal (now currently in NG+) and I absolutely love it!

But, like I said, I'm not abandoning this. I want to see this (and my other stories) to the end. No matter how long it takes!

So, again, I apologize and thank you so much for all your support. It means so much to me.

I'll be posting all my stories on Archive one day as well. I just need time/motivation. I'm still not feeling good, but I wrote this chapter because I just had to.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Naruto Shippuden. This is just for fun, no profit will be made from this (and I don't want to either). This is purely for my and the entertainment of Naruto fans.

Dedication: To my beautiful, amazing, intelligent, girlfriend Phillipa (Shadow Spirit Dragon-wolf) for being there for me through not only my writing (both fanfiction and my original story) but real life in general. You have been my inspiration and my support through everything.

Warnings: Violence, explicit sexual conduct (no rape!) homosexual relationship, relationship with a large age gap, struggles with belonging, self-hatred, obsession, self-harm, self-experimentation, human experimentation, mental disorders, a dark view of the "afterlife", (bonding of) pain and isolation, self-worthlessness, and male pregnancy.

Pairings: NaruOro, canon pairings (except, obviously, NaruHina).

Summary: Sometimes, the deepest scars are the ones no one can see, but in a world moving into the light even the oldest inner wounds can be seen

Enjoy! :)

Chapter Forty-three: Pursuit

Orochimaru

It's been ten months since Maruta has been born. He has to go to quite a bit of specialists to get his strength up. It's fascinating watching him try to crawl, gripping the floor as he wiggles his little tail.

No one knows why he has a tail instead of legs. Sakura believes it could be a birth defect. Whatever it is, I do not mind. He is perfect the way he is.

I still can't believe this is my life. It feels… nice. But still, I need to focus on…

A knock upon my door.

I get up, picking my crawling son off the floor.

I open the door and Karin and Suigetsu are at it. Karin is holding Hasaki and Suigetsu is holding his twin, Sazanami.

"Hi," Suigestu grins, sipping from his cup. "You gonna let us in?"

I step back and let my old subordinates in.

"Hello, precious," Karin says, as she reaches down and tickles Maruta's belly.

Maruta giggles, grabbing her finger.

"How ya doin' little man?" Suigetsu asks.

Maruta babbles, pointing to his plushies scattered all over the floor.

"Wow! You've been playing a lot!" Karin gasps.

Maruta claps.

"He's been doing a lot better thanks to everyone's hard work," I say, walking over to where he was playing and setting him down. "Do you two want anything to eat or drink?"

"Yeah! I want-"

"We can get it, Lord Orochimaru," Karin interrupts by slapping her husband upside the head.

Water spills from his head then forms back. "I mean he offered."

"Well, Sakura told him to take it easy!"

"It's been ten months. I'm capable of getting things," I sigh.

"Exactly! And besides, Karin, shouldn't you be taking it easy? The twins were just born two months ago."

"Hmm guess that's true. Fine, you get us something to drink. I'll have a nice cup of tea."

"Ah, great idea, my dear. Yes, I will too."

"W-what? I didn't…!"

"Go on before Lord Orochimaru chokes you with one of his snakes," his wife smirks.

The twins laugh when Maruta slithers his Manda plushy, making it hiss.

"F-fine,"Suigestsu sighs, handing the girl to Karin then getting up to get us our tea.

"So how are you really doing, Lord Orochimaru?" Karin asks, turning to me.

"Why do you ask? Do I look like there's something wrong?"

She frowns. "You just… your chakra feels… I don't know…" she narrows her eyes. "You're not pregnant again are you?"

"No. I have Sakura's sealing jutsu on."

After about the third month, Sakura, Kit, and I discussed it would be best if we took measures for contraceptives. After all, no one is sure how or when I can become pregnant. I need to find out, but Kit will blow a fuse if I were to test on myself.

(But really, what other man can get pregnant? Then again… I wasn't always a man…)

"Lord Orochimaru?"

I blink. "Apologies, dear, I was… lost in thought."

"It's easy to be. You've been through a lot," she says, setting her two and a half month old twins down.

A boy and a girl. Sazanami has Suigetsu's hair and Karin's eyes, while her brother, Hasaki, is the opposite.

They're both precious children, born November 22nd. Many were surprised Karin and Suigetsu were even together, but I wasn't. I sensed something deep between them, but paid no mind to it. I have no interest in getting in someone else's business.

The twins crawl and grab toys to play with Maruta. Despite their younger age, they're actually a bit more developed than Maruta is.

Karin and I watch our children play and Suigetsu finally brings our tea, setting our cups down on the table. He sits down, pulling one of Kit's Dr. Peppers from under his arm, flopping on the couch beside his wife.

"Umm aren't those Naruto's?"

Suigetsu shrugs, chugging quite a bit of it. "He's got like three cases in there."

"Kit likes his soda and noodles," I chuckle. "But I'm sure he won't mind."

"Well, if he does, he'll probably just pound you and break your seal, making another snake baby," he grins.

Karin punches her husband, spraying water.

Maruta giggles, clapping.

"Oh? You like that?" Karin smirks, doing it again, this time, harder.

Maruta giggles more.

"Hey! I'm not the baby's-"

Maruta crawls over to Suigetsu and wacks him on the leg with a small hand.

"Hey, you gotta hit harder than that, little man," Suigetsu says, picking him up and setting him in his lap. "But, you know, you shouldn't be hitting your Uncle Suigetsu like that. Don't want you getting in trouble at the ninja academy when you become a ninja."

Maruta giggles, pulling on his "uncle's" hair.

"Yes, yes, you're cute. Go play with her cousins." He sets my son down and Maruta slithers over to play with some blocks the twins found.

"Have you figured out what animal my children are, Lord Orochimaru?" Karin wonders.

I flick my tongue. "Rhinos."

"Rhinos?" Suigetsu arches a brow. "Are you sure you're not making this shit up?"

I point to the rhino plushy the twins are fighting over. "They're clearly into them, and they smell like them."

"I still don't get how your ability works and why it's just now coming up."

"I had no use for it, but it helps me keep up with Maruta when he tries to slither off. He's sneaky," I say, lashing my tongue out and grabbing my son from behind the recliner I'm sitting in. I set him down in my lap. "You're staying here for ten minutes, young man."

He reaches for his toys.

"I think not. I already told you not to slither off like that."

Maruta starts crying.

"Stop crying." I say, licking his face.

Maruta sniffs and giggles, trying to grab my tongue.

"Hey, you two!" Karin growls, standing up and grabbing the rhino. "This is Maruta's toy! You're going to break it!"

The twins start bawling.

"There should be more rhinos," I say, continuing to lick my son's cheeks.

"In the playroom?"

I nod, and Karin goes to get them.

I grab my tea, sipping.

"So…" Suigetsu says, stretching. "You like being a mom?"

"I do, actually. It's…" I look at my son, curled up and sleeping in my arms. I pull my tongue back in my mouth and nuzzle him. "It's… nice. No, nice isn't the word… I'm not sure how to describe it…"

"I get what you mean, Lord Orochimaru," Karin says as she comes back in with two new rhino plushies for the twins. She hands them to them. "Now be nice."

They grab them, "eating" them.

I smile. Silly babies.

"I feel that way too. I mean, not the mother thing, but…" Suigetsu says.

"It's nice," Karin says. "Anyway, we actually came over for another reason besides the babies playing."

"Although, Maruta always falls asleep," Suigestu deadpans.

"My apologies; Maruta uses a lot of stamina just to move and he's subjected to a lot of therapy and testing."

"No, no, it's fine!" Suigestu exclaims, lifting his hands as Karin is about to punch him.

"Anyway, so we came here to talk to you about our idea about making Otogakure an official village."

"An official village?"

"Yeah. I mean what's the point in having it be some secret "bad" village anymore?"

"You're with Naruto now, so you'll be living here anyway, right? We were thinking we could live in Oto and take care of it. Maybe raise ninja and make it a nice place that you and Naruto could get away in," Karin says.

I look down at Maruta sucking on the tip of his tail in his sleep, his little brown onesie getting soaked in venom and saliva.

"I don't mind the though, but what did Lord Hokage say?"

"We haven't talked to him."

"I thought you'd want to be the first to know," Suigestu says, slurping his soda. "I mean it is your village, no?"

"It seems my plave is here…"

"You seem upset, Lord Orochimaru."

"You wanna get back to your experiments, don't you?"

I look at my subordinates. They understand. They've always been with me, supporting me. It's true they went with Sasuke for a while, but even then, even now…

"I have mixed feelings about it. I don't want to upset Naruto. I told him I wouldn't experiment on people, but… I need to figure out how to save everyone…"

"You're still on that?" Suigetsu scoffs. "Man, you gotta chill. You can't do it all alone, okay? I mean if you really want to bring people back, just ask for help, okay?"

"I can't let anyone-"

"He's right, Lord Orochimaru. We're in this together. So, why not let us set up Otogakure for you?"

"You could do some experiments when you "visit" and then if you do discover how to "defeat death" you'll be a hero!"

I beam inside. A hero. One that can defeat the reapers… I… I will do it! Otogakure is my village. One that I created to do experiments and learn every jutsu. That was my original intention, but now… I pull my son close, rocking him gently… I can't lose him! I won't!

I look up at Suigetsu and Karin. "I think this could work. We'll need a lot of White Zetsu."

"We'll be sure to capture them," Suigetsu grins, sharp teeth grazing his lower lips.

"Anything for you, Lord Orochimaru."

Sasuke

I stand on the Hokage monument, the wind blows through my hair as I await my old master to arrive. So much has changed. Too much to be honest. It's happening so fast. I need to get back on the road to help the villages and to find out about Kaguya, but…

"Sasuke."

I turn around to see Orochimaru standing a few feet away. Somehow he looks younger wearing the purple kimono Naruto got him for his birthday. Maybe it's because he's becoming happy as well? He is a mother after all. Sakura's whole complexion lit up and she seemed younger when Sarada was born.

"Orochimaru," I say, looking at the village again.

He walks to stand beside me. Maruta, surprisingly, not in his arms.

We don't say anything for a while. I wonder what he's thinking. It must feel strange being here again. I know there are people who wish he wasn't, but Naruto and Kakashi have been trying to ease their minds.

I know how he feels. I get glares sometimes too. Even still…

"Maruta isn't with you today?"

"He's doing physical therapy training with Lee. Kit took him today."

"Ah. How's he doing?

"He's doing better. He has gained much strength in his arms, but his tail is still weaker than Sakura wants it to be at his age. Even so, he is very sneaky," Orochimaru chuckles.

"Sounds like a little snake to me.

He laughs. It's not that creepy laugh that sends chills down people's spines. It's an actual, genuine laugh. I can't help but smile a bit.

"Well, he is part snake."

"Fair enough."

We stand in silence again, just watching the Konoha citizens busy with their lives.

"Karin and Suigetsu are making Otogakure an official village."

"Is that so? Then are you going back there?"

He shakes his head. "Naruto wants to be here. I'll simply visit."

"And your experiments?"

"I promised Naruto I wouldn't touch any living humans."

"Does it upset you?"

"Not as much as it probably should. I have a child to worry about right now. I don't have time for simple experiments. I know a regular human wouldn't be able to handle what I need to do, so honestly, there's no point in even trying."

What he has to do? Is he referring to that nonsense about "stopping death"?

We really need to do something about this!

"I see. Then what will your test subjects be?"

"White Zetsu. I know there are some scattered about."

"Fair enough. Do you think they'll do the job?"

"I think they have the bodies for it, but creating a stronger jutsu than the reanimation jutsu is going to be difficult since I don't have limitless chakra like Naruto does."

"Didn't Naruto say he'd help?"

"He did, but I know he's busy too. After all, he'll be the next Hokage, so he needs to study."

"Naruto study? That's a new one," I scoff.

My ex-master chuckles. "Yes, well, he's gotten better at it. I helped him when he spent those months with me in my hideout."

"So he changed too, huh?"

"Spending time with someone will do that to you."

"That's true."

Silence fills the air again. It doesn't piss me off to stand beside him like it used to. I'm still upset with him, but remembering Naruto's words and the fact Maruta would be without a mom… I couldn't do that to the child.

"Orochimaru."

He looks up at the sky, the wind blows gently through his hair.

I stare at him. What are you thinking, Orochimaru?

"You want to know if I truly love Naruto, yes?"

"I believe everyone does. After all, no one thought you'd be the type of person to have such a bond."

"I was in love with Jiraiya at one point in my life."

"You…?"

He looks at me. There's so much sadness and anger in those eyes. Eyes that, at one time, sent chills down my spine and forced me to stab my thigh just to move.

He turns to look up at the sky again. "We were lovers. For a short period, but he was everything to me."

"Then why did you…?"

"You already know."

I close my eyes. So Jiraiya wasn't able to snap you out of the craziness?

"And what about Naruto?

"Naruto is… different. He's special…""He closes his eyes. "He believes in me."

"And Jiraiya didn't?"

"Jiraiya was… different. He grounded me. After he left to go train those Ame brats, I… I was lost."

"And that's when you thought it was a good idea to become stronger?"

"Partially. I suppose I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to stop this foolishness."

"The wars."

He nods. "But, looking back, it was rather foolish of me. Jiraiya ended up being right all along. I thought him a fool. "Child of Prophecy" what kind of…" he laughs humourlessly. "And by the gods, I fell in love with that child."

"Naruto is a fool, but he cares. You can't help but love him."

Orochimaru smiles. "He wouldn't leave me alone. He refused to leave. No, rather, I didn't push him away hard enough."

"Trust me, you can't get rid of him. He's like the ants coming into your house in the summer. No matter what jutsu or spray you put down, they'll always find cracks in your defenses."

Orochimaru chuckles. "Yes, I have to agree."

"It must have been difficult though, living with Naruto."

"It was annoying mostly, but… well, he listened to me. I hadn't had that in a long time. Honestly, the way he listened, I never had that."

"And that's why you fell for him?"

"I suppose you could say that. We annoyed each other more than anything. We argued way too much for our own good."

"Yeah, Naruto can piss you off real quick."

"But, he made me realize I don't need to rush this, and that I can't do it all on my own."

"You mean bringing everyone back to life?"

"Not everyone, but yes."

"Wouldn't you end up eventually doing that though? Naruto has a lot of friends and those friends have a lot of people they loved who died. Are you picking and choosing who to bring back because you're that lonely without your parents?"

He hisses. "It's not like that."

"Then what is it? You're still picking and choosing who lives and who dies even if you're not experimenting on people anymore. Your idea is amazing in theory, but in practice it's foolish and you know it is."

"I don't expect you to understand, Sasuke.

"How can anyone? You're going to kill yourself trying for a ridiculous dream. If you, and that's a big if, you manage to create a jutsu stronger than the reanimation jutsu and without the Rinnegan's Rinne Rebirth, and you bring back say, your parents and Naruto's, then there will be people who will be lining up begging you to bring their loved ones back. Thousands! You'll get overworked!"

"I don't care!" he hisses, whirling around to face me. His eyes blaze. It reminds me of how he was when he wanted my body. "I have to save them!"

"From what?! They're dead!"

"I know that. That's why I have to-"

"You need to stop. You're going to die."

"No I won't. Lord Shiromaru-"

I sigh. "Listen, just think about what I said, okay? I just don't want people to use you and abuse you. Sure, some may say you deserve it, but I'm not going to watch my master throw his life away because he has this stupid obsession with bringing people back to life. You have to let go-"

"You're one to talk about letting go, Sasuke."

"I know I did some horrible things. I'm trying to amend for them, but what you're doing isn't the way."

"You don't hear them scream. You don't see how they're constantly tortured! You don't wake up in the middle of the night to them begging you to save them! You don't constantly have to keep a watch on your child in fear that those stupid reapers will get her! You can't see them!" he hisses, fists clenched at his sides, body shaking.

"That's because there are no reapers. You're seeing things."

"Just because you can't see them doesn't mean-"

"I have a sharingan and a rinnegan! Why wouldn't I be able to see them, Orochimaru?!"

"Only the chosen one can."

I laugh. "I… I have no words for this. I knew you were insane, but… I didn't realize how far it extended. I feel sorry for you, honestly."

"Why are we even talking about this?" Orochimaru snaps.

"Because you're hurting Naruto and Maruta."

"What?"

"You know you are. Wake up before it's too late."

I turn and walk back towards the village. I may have been a bit harsh, but Orochimaru has to stop this foolishness. Whether he'll listen or not is anyone's guess. No doubt I'll feel the ire of his lover, but…

I stop several feet from Orochimaru.

"One more thing."

"What is it?"

I can tell he hasn't turned around either.

"I'm going to be leaving again soon, so try not to give anyone a hard time."

Without bothering to wait for his response, I leave.

Anko

I rest my head on Tenzo's shoulder as he rubs my stomach.

"Being pregnant is the worst!" I groan.

"My apologies. If I had known-"

"Don't be an idiot. I want this baby. I just don't want to be pregnant."

"Well, I don't think you can have it both ways."

"Well, I could, but…"

"Have you told him?"

"Orochimaru-sensei? No. I mean I haven't been able to do much because of all this sickness."

"True. Do you want me to?"

I shake my head, moving under his arm. He pulls me close, and I rest my head on his chest, closing my eyes.

"No, I want to be the one to tell him. There's a lot we need to discuss, and I know the two of you don't get along well."

Tenzo doesn't say anything to that.

Honestly, I can't blame him. He must feel betrayed. After all, Orochimaru is getting off "scott free" and is able to live in the village (well, outside of it, but the Yashagoro clan was a part of Konoha at one point.)

And honestly, I'm still shocked he's from a clan!

"I'm still angry with him," I whisper as Tenzo's hands run through my hair gently.

"How could you not be? I have a difficult time seeing him more than the monster who killed all those children I was packed in that room with and the man who cut into my body…" he trails off, shivering.

I turn slightly, reaching up to touch his face. "I know."

"Sorry. I guess with all that's been going on, it's easy to lose myself in my thoughts. I feel… I'm not sure how to explain it. I'm happy for Orochimaru and Naruto, but at the same time I can't help but feel angry."

"Because you feel you don't matter?"

My lover nods.

I can't blame him. After all, before Naruto went to "save" Orochimaru, no one thought that my old teacher would come back to the village the way he did. Even after he changes, we all thought he'd just stay far away. To be here in the village it must be tearing Tenzo up inside.

He's afraid of Orochimaru, and honestly, I am too. I know what he's capable of. And with how he acted during his pregnancy, who's to say he won't do it again?

Even so… I want a relationship with my sensei. I want to be there for him. I want to help him. I should have before, but now I can! I just don't know how!

"It's difficult. He's changed, but that doesn't erase what he did to either of us."

"Well, he hasn't done any experiments in a while, so that makes me feel a bit better…"

"I think having Maruta was good for him. He can have something to focus his mind on. Lord Third told me once that Orochimaru-sensei was too smart for his own good, and he needed something to focus his thoughts."

"That makes sense. Do you think that's why he's obsessed with death being evil?"

I sit up, reaching for the apple juice.

Tenzo grabs it instead, handing it to me.

"Thanks," I say, taking a sip of the fresh cold juice. "Hmm. It's possible. Like I said before, I never paid attention to whether what he was saying was right or not because in my eyes, he was perfect."

"Until you learned otherwise."

"Yes, and now, I'm not sure how to feel about him. I love him and care a lot about him, but he also hurt and betrayed me."

"Yet, you don't want to give up on him."

"How can I? He needs me."

"Do you think he'll be there for you during your pregnancy? I know you could have complications…"

"Yeah, I do," I say, touching my stomach. "I mean, he is my sensei after all."

Preview

Hinata

"You have such beautiful hair, Lord Orochimaru," I say as I brush his hair.

"Haven't I told you you don't have to call me that, my dear?"

"My apologies; it's a force of habit."

"it's fine. I appreciate you doing this for me. I know it must be difficult for you."

"No, it's fine. I'm happy for you and Naruto. I know it's important to both of you, and I wouldn't miss this day for the world."