Summary: Draco hated how he'd been feeling the last few days, especially when he needed to focus on his mission. Little did he realize that his soulmate felt the very same. Soulmate!AU

Rated: T

Genre: Angst

Warning Tag: Implications of Suicide Attempt; Implied Emotional and Physical Pain & Suffering

Fallen Angel

Today was a particularly bad day. Draco felt like he woke up in hell. His body ached, his head pounded, and with everything else that mentally weighed him down already, his mind spiraled in all directions and it was impossible to focus. Being physically sore and tired was not something he wanted to deal with right now on top of everything else. Becoming an Occlumens was supposed to help keep him focused and shut off the doubt and ever-lingering fear that could cripple him if he let it seep through.

Today was going to be one of those days, and he couldn't figure out the obscure pattern that set these episodes off in him.

He swindled an excuse note from Professor Snape—someone he had long since distanced himself from when it came to seeking out any sort of assistance for varying reasons. It didn't stop Snape from being concerned for his godson anyway, and Draco took serious advantage of it when he needed to get out of classes to slip away and work on that damned cabinet. It was really the only thing he allowed the professor to help him with anymore.

Heading for the Hospital Wing, he barely registered the only other patient there, who Madam Pomfrey promptly hid from view with the curtains before directing him over to a bed to rest in. He told her his symptoms and was offered the appropriate treatments in turn before the healer excused herself behind the curtains again.

Draco could only hope that the potions he tossed back would help him at least get some rest so he could keep these intrusive feelings at bay. The quiet crying emitting from the curtain nearby was quickly silenced as the effects of his sleeping draught kicked in.

Waking up a few hours later offered him no feeling of rest, he was just as drained and sore as before. This wasn't going to do. His head was still swimming with so many troubling feelings and dread yet nothing wanted to be focused on in order for Draco to sort through it. He wished he could just concentrate long enough to shut off that part of his mind so he didn't have to deal with it.

Nothing was working out the way he needed it to be by now, and the idea of tossing himself right off the Astronomy Tower to spare himself the burden of the impossible expectations place upon him felt very alluring to him at the moment.

Dying a failure wouldn't be all that bad, right?

Shaking his head to dismiss those intrusive thoughts, he couldn't allow himself to think that way—feel that way. It was definitely not an option when he knew his mother was on the line. Malfoys never gave up so pathetically by offing themselves.

The unexpected shot of pain that coursed through his body was almost paralyzing, and he wasn't sure why or where it came from, but it dissipated just as quickly as it came. All that was running through his muddled thoughts right now was the need to get outside and breathe in some fresh air, clear his head, and recompose himself. The walls of Hogwarts grew stifling very quickly when Draco was spiraling.

The curtains he bypassed were pulled back now, but he didn't focus on it long enough to register that its dweller was no longer there, either.

It was well after dark now, and based on the lack of lighting in the castle, it was well past curfew, too. Draco used the secret shortcuts he had discovered to get to the top floor quickly and undetected. Rather than autopilot to the Room of Hidden Things like he'd habitually been doing since the start of term, he turned and went for the one of the tallest tower's stairways instead. It was really the only way to see the outdoors after dark these days. The security at Hogwarts was exceptionally annoying him quite fast for someone who relied on stealth and deception to achieve what he needed to get done.

Draco wasn't expecting to see anyone else at the top of the Astronomy Tower so late, but the sight of her had him freeze in his tracks. The three-quarter moon illuminated her and her soft blue sleep gown in its soft glow that, if Draco didn't know any better, had her almost look like the angelic still paintings he'd seen recklessly discarded in the Room of Hidden Things.

Her beauty captivated him, and he felt his racing emotions and thoughts calm almost immediately for a moment, until a heavy crash of despair threatened to drown him. Draco wished he took that split second to shut that mental door to his emotions, but for now he could handle this.

Taking a deep breath to try and pull him back to his senses, he realized that she was standing on the top rails of the tower holding onto nothing but the stone pillar next to her. She wasn't even leaning into it, but instead relied on the thin flat surface of the rail to keep herself steady on bare feet. She turned to him as he approached and he recognized her to be Daphne's sister.

Astoria faltered some when she became aware of his presence and he froze in his tracks.

The sight had his mind seize again. Draco could feel that fear creeping back into his mind at seeing Astoria standing there with little care. His breath hitched when the breeze picked up, causing her gown's hem to caress her ankles and he could only hope that its motion didn't startle her like he'd just done moments ago.

Draco was close enough to see her crestfallen face damp with glistening tears, her hazel eyes bore into him as if searching for an answer he did not possess, and the sob that escaped her rocked through her body enough that it was a wonder she didn't fall from its force. That fear leaked into his mind even more now. That fear mixing with such sorrow was making him ache again, and he saw her physically flinch just like how he wanted to respond to it as well.

"You can...feel this, too?" Draco asked so quietly he wondered if she even heard him.

"You…" Astoria placed a hand over her heart. "How can you live every day feeling so conflicted like this?" she whispered so quietly Draco had to strain his hearing against the white noise of silence to hear her. "All of this fear, doubt, and dread… And all I ever feel is pain and suffering as my body attacks itself. It all hurts so much. I am tired of hurting…"

The mixed emotions of surprise and realization from Draco snuffed out the fear, and it must have startled her too. He saw her stifle a sob at this discovery that she was feeling what he felt. The suffering, the teasing thoughts of how the relief of ending it all would feel… the ever looming danger and fear he carried with him, it was all affecting her too, and it drove her to stand where she stood now.

It certainly explained why he wasn't able to control his crumbling states of helplessness he found himself facing at times, just like how he felt when he went to the Hospital Wing hours ago. She must have been feeling that way...

The soft smile on her lips showed nothing but sadness. "We've both cursed each other, it seems… why not just end it all now? They'll understand. My sister Daphne will… she never will have to suffer since I bear the burden of our bloodborne illness… And you won't have to suffer anymore, either."

Draco tried to focus on controlling his feelings now that he knew. Composing himself, he tried to focus his Occlumens training to force those walls to close around those intrusive feelings and induce a calm among the turmoil, but this ever burning pain within him made it difficult to do. This emotional ache must be coming from her, that ever burning knowledge in knowing that you are going to die someday. It hurt.

Draco didn't know what to say, but it certainly explained the bouts of intense pain now.

"Astoria… we can fix this. We can… we know now," Draco said softly, gently, desperate to radiate this to her through his emotions despite the guilt eating away at him underneath the surface. It was difficult enough to think straight with the surge of overwhelming feelings coursing between them in such close proximity. "Please come down."

He held out his hand to her, and she looked at him with those anguish-filled eyes before turning her attention to the dark-blanketed scenery speckled with stars above her. "It's so beautiful from up here… It used to help… but it isn't..."

The sudden shock of pain almost had him collapse, but he managed to fight through it to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her back and away from the railing as she fainted in that moment. There was simply too much emotion circulating between them, nearly overwhelming them both as a result, and damn near sending Astoria plummeting to her death. But no matter how much suffering they were going through now, Draco wasn't going to let her go so soon.

"I am so sorry…" Draco whispered, fighting to stay conscious now that her feelings were no longer invading his. "I never meant for this to happen."

His mother did always tell him his feelings occasionally would have consequences, Draco now understood what she meant by that as he cradled Astoria close to his person while heading for the stairs to get her back to the Hospital Wing.

How could he be so stupid to not consider his dark thoughts and emotions wasn't harming someone else?

Originally Written For:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges & Assignments)

Monthly Challenges for All

Word Count: 1,641

Originally Written: August 2019