Ch 43: Closure is What You Make It

There was one more thing I had to do before I could truly put Shadow to rest. But God, I didn't want to be the one to make the decision.

The folder and thumb-drive mocked me from its spot on my desk. I hadn't touched it since Bruce had given it back to me two months ago. I wanted to make a decision before I left for Ko's graduation next week.

My problem was that I wasn't sure if it was even worth it anymore. Taking Valentina to court for a crime she couldn't even remember committing didn't seem like it would end in my favor.

I had talked to her over the phone after she left the hospital. Jason had told me she didn't even remember him. So that was at least eighteen years worth of memory loss. Needless to say it was a very awkward conversation. There was one thing I did learn from it though. My grandfather on her side was still alive.

"He would very much like to meet you. As would I, but I understand that I hurt you, even if I don't remember it. He'll be staying with me to help run the company until I can get my footing again. So if you ever want to, we can make it happen."

I wasn't sure how to deal with that information. I'd probably ask Bruce to dig into a Mattías Ramirez to see if he was as terrible as his daughter and ex-wife. And there was also the fact that Dad had made it very, very apparent he didn't want me anywhere near Valentina. Not that I blamed him, at all, but she was my problem I still hadn't dealt with, so he would have to get over it. Jason had also voiced his displeasure over her trying to be involved in my life. It was nice to know they cared.

I still didn't know when exactly she started Project Whisper either. It could still be on her to do list for all I knew. It wasn't like I could ask her when the idea came about, I could be the one to give it to her. I sure as hell didn't need that on my conscious.

I sighed and swiped the file off my desk. I needed a better place to think. I had taken too much time already to figure this out, it was time to decide.

"I'm going to the Manor, I'll let you know if I'm staying for dinner," I called to Dad in the kitchen.

"Okay, love you!" He waved. One good thing that came out of this whole thing was that him and I were much more honest with each other. He had accepted that I wanted to be on better terms with Bruce, even if he didn't. And I had forgiven him (with Jason's help) for keeping secrets from me, so I did everything I could to not keep secrets from him.

The Manor was as quiet as ever. Bruce was nowhere to be found. Probably in the cave or not home. I had refused to go in the cave since San Francisco, because I really didn't want to relive having a breakdown. So I headed for the cliffs outside, hoping the harbor would help me organize my thoughts.

I laid the file in front of me on the old blanket and started to sort through it.

An hour later I wasn't any closer to a decision. I heard footsteps approach, but continued to stare down the files. I saw Jason's boots from the corner of my eye.

"Staring at it doesn't make it go away," he sat next to me.

"I know. I'm having a moment," I glared at the stack of papers.

"I could take it and-"

"No. I need to be the one to choose. This is my mess. That's why you gave it back to me."

"Technically it's your mother's. You just dragged it to the surface."

"Doesn't make this any easier."

"Your call kid." Jason patted my good shoulder.

"How do you make choices like this? Why am I the one who chooses if she see trial or not? I'm basically the judge. No sane person would let her free. Not with all this," I gestured to the stack of paper evidence.

"You know how I think justice should work," He shrugged, "But most people don't agree. Misguided as she was, Valentina was trying to improve the world. It just wasn't in any right or ethical way. And even if you decide to report her, she can't remember what she's done. As far as she knows, she's just started working at Roger Tech."

"I know. But that doesn't make the thought of being around her easier. And who's to say her intentions have changed just because she lost her memory?"

"You can't know," He shrugged, "That's the risk you're taking. Make the choice you could live with the most."

"What would you do?" I asked him.

"It doesn't matter what I'd do. You should make this choice. And soon. But here's a thought," he looked at me, "think about what your friend would want. You initially did this because of her," he stood up.

"Wait, aren't you going to stay? Make sure I don't do anything stupid?" I didn't want to be alone when I made my choice, and for some reason, I wanted Jason there. Maybe because he was the one who made a point to tell me he was on my side.

"I think you've already filled your stupid quota for awhile," He gestured to my shoulder, which was still in a sling because I was too scared I would dislocate it a third time, "Besides, you're better than me. You'll make the right choice without me." I wasn't so sure about that.

"I'll see ya later Kid," he waved.

It had gotten too dark to see outside, so I made my way into the library. I sat there for what seemed like hours, pouring over every piece of evidence. I tried to look at it the way a jury and judge might, but I was too biased. Every part of me wanted to her to suffer for what she had done to Anni, and even to the other prisoners.

"Why is it my choice?" I groaned to Ace, who had found me at some point. He put his head in my lap, "I'm just a kid. No seventeen year old should have to make this choice."

"Then don't," Bruce said, appearing the doorway, "That's what the justice system was created for. So it wouldn't fall on one person." He sat in the chair next to the couch I was on.

"If it worked, then Batman wouldn't exist," I countered.

"There are better people in power now than when I started out."

"I meant Terry, but I guess I can't argue. Commissioner Gordon is really good at her job."

Bruce nodded.

"The worst part about this is that she doesn't remember. And that's my fault." I put my head in my hand.

"Choose what you could live with. It isn't always easy."

"That's what Jason said," I said with surprise. Bruce smiled.

"We agree every once in awhile. And despite what you may think, we both want what's best for you," He stood up, "Whatever you decide, you have a family to support you. Something I wish I had realized before I let it fall apart. Learn from my mistakes." He left the room, Ace trailing behind.

I thought about Jason's advice. I thought about what Anni would do. She always saw the light in everyone, something I had forgotten in my hunt for revenge. This wouldn't be a choice for her. The evidence would have already been destroyed.

Bruce was also right, that I had a support network in my family. And no matter how much I hated it, Valentina was family.

In the end, it wasn't really a choice. What Valentina had become, I had taken away in my anger. Her mind had reverted to someone in their twenties. If she ever remembered, well that was something I'd deal with then. I couldn't live with regretting a choice I had made at seventeen for the rest of my life. I already had too many.

I decided to burn the physical evidence. Dad found me at the fire pit in the manor garden.

"I was starting to worry. You haven't answered your phone, I had to call Bruce to make sure you were still here," He noticed the papers in my hand, "You've made your choice."

"I did," I said, dropping another sheet into the fire. I felt his arm wrap around me.

"I'm proud of you Little Bird. No more secrets or lies. It's a new start."

"I guess so. I'm done with anything superhero related at least. How Jason and Uncle Damian keep doing it is beyond me," I leaned into him.

"To be fair, they're still fighting Bruce's fight, which is never ending. Not everyone gets resolution as quickly as you did."

"I wouldn't call this resolution as much as- I don't even know what this is. It doesn't feel like closure. It just feels like... an end," I shrugged.

"Sometimes that's all we get. Just an end. But that also means other things get to begin," He pulled out an envelope. The Stanford logo was clearly stamped in gold foil on it, "This came for you today. I didn't realize they would respond so quickly," He handed it to me.

I just stared at it, too stunned to do anything. My future was beginning.

A future where I knew who my mother was and regretted it. One where I was adopted. Where I was part of the Batman legacy. Where I was friends with Batman. Daughter of Nightwing, and the Red Hood. I didn't live in New York.

A future I didn't get to experience with Anni.

That thought hit me harder than the window.

I guess Dad could tell where my mind went because he took the envelope back.

"She would want you to live your life Jamie. Move on, be happy, cliché as it sounds."

He was right, and I knew that would be what Anni would want. But she wasn't here anymore. It was about time I accepted that and lived for myself.

I took the envelope from him, almost scared of it. I had only faked interest in Stanford for the sake of Shadow, but in that moment, I knew I really, really wanted to go there.

Deciding to get it over with quickly, I opened it and read the letter out loud.

"Ms. Grayson, It is with great pleasure that we congratulate you on your acceptance into Stanford University's pre-acceptance program!" I shouted and jumped excitedly. Dad wrapped me a big hug.

"I'm so proud of you Little Bird! I knew you could do it!" he laughed.

"Hang on Dad, I'm not officially in yet," I skimmed the rest of the letter, "They see great potential in me, but they want to see what I do in my senior year," I handed him the letter, "The robotics program is super competitive, they'll be sending me details on a project they want me to complete and send in before officially accepting me," I explained.

"It's a foot in the door."

"I'm just glad they want me to earn it on merit and not because of who I know," I smiled. I couldn't wait to tell Ko and Max.

"No matter what, I'm proud of you," He hugged me again.

I burnt the rest of the file, while bouncing ideas around with Dad about what project they might want me to do.

There would always be grief over Anni, and pain over the fact I was lied to about Batman. I would never be the person I was a year ago, but I was okay with that now. I could strive to be better, like everyone in my life believed I could be. Like Anni knew I would be.

For the first time since moving to Gotham, I felt truly at peace.

And scene! It's finally finished! Thank you to those who have made it this far, I know it took literal years for me to finish this! God bless you for sticking it out until the end!

Final fun fact: Jamie and Ko both end up going to Stanford, and Jamie ends up working for a company that specializes in security robotics.