Chapter 43

As they neared the hatch, Sheppard could smell the smoke on the air, even taste it on the back of his tongue. Lansha and Mishta had stopped at the edge of the opening and now looked down into it. On approach, he sensed a very faint connection as the facility, in its death throws, reached out for instruction. The hatch, a gaping maw of darkness, glowed into dull life at his request.

They both looked at him. 'Sorry, it's the best she can do,' he explained. 'There's a lot of damage…lot of dirt from the smoke.'

'I'm amazed you could get that much of a reaction,' Mishta said, peering in. 'I…I suppose we should go down.'

'I'll go first,' Lansha offered, taking the steps carefully. 'Come on, Mishta. Let's get this done.'

As she was about to follow, Sheppard caught her hand. 'You don't have to do this.'

She squeezed his hand tight, a sure sign of her anxiety. 'I know. But I want to. Help me down?'

'Why don't you let me go in front,' Juroah suggested. 'That way, if you fall I'll give you a soft landing.'

She laughed and they let him move past them, Sheppard checking over his shoulder for Ronon. 'You coming, buddy?'

Ronon looked down at the open hatch and shook his head, his whole body seized with tension. 'I know what happened in there. Don't need to see it. I'll keep watch out here.'

Sheppard could see the anguish Ronon was trying to hide. Teyla had told him that Ronon had been unable to go into the facility when they'd gone in search of him after the explosion – that it had been too painful for him to face the prospect of finding what was left of him. He didn't press his friend any further, knowing this was disturbing for him. 'Good idea. We won't be too long.'

With Mishta's hand still grasped in his he started down the steps, allowing her to lean on him for support in the murky passageway down. The air became thicker the further down they got, stealing his breath. He could only imagine how hard it would be if Mishta had another panic attack down here. At the bottom of the stairs, she stopped and looked up. 'Will the doors stay open?' she asked him.

'I'll make sure they do,' he told her as her hand slipped from his and she carried on ahead to find the others. Had she remembered being trapped there? Was that why keeping the doors open was so important, or was it a natural reaction to the darkness and lack of clean air? He found himself picturing her running to escape when he'd forced Akalus out of her, only to find the doors closed. And then Akalus had come for her again. He swallowed down the lump that thought brought to his throat and followed her through.

The passageway led to a small chamber that would have been the control room for the facility. He could see the gap in the consoles where Akalus had removed a unit to replace the one smashed in the Gate Room. Everything was blackened and partially melted, the signs of the intensity of the heat clear to see. His heart beat harder against his ribs. The smashing of the control unit had led to the frenzied attack that had left him paralysed and on the brink of death. He didn't want Mishta to remember that…he was having a hard enough time thinking about it himself. He'd been so close to death…and he'd welcomed it.

'Human?' Juroah checked on him again as Lansha led the way into the next passageway, telling Mishta he had chased Marmotah in and they had headed that way.

'Are there bodies through there?' he asked the old Birajan.

'We took Marmotah's remains away and buried them. Everything else was left as it was found.'

Sheppard nodded, stealing himself for the next room.

As he'd known it would, the Stargate loomed large at the far end of this next chamber…his home for more days than he cared to remember. Not far inside the door, several charred bodies lay in a twisted heap, some with bits of clothing and crisped hair still clinging to them, some with limbs missing where the local wildlife had scavenged for anything of nutritional value. Aside from those bodies lay two others, fallen where they'd stood, one Wraith…one Reliquiae. He crossed over to them and squatted down beside the more human form. The remnants of clothing not too burned to be recognisable told him this was Oolanae. 'Thanks for the assist,' he said softly as looked on what remained of her.

Juroah, who seemed to have taken it upon himself to watch over Sheppard in Ronon's absence, heard his words. 'This one helped you?'

'Without her, this whole planet would be being sucked into a black hole right now,'' he told him, getting back to his feet.

'Then maybe she deserves better than having the wildlife pick through her bones.'

'Yeah…I think maybe she does.' He was watching Mishta now as she circled the blackened outline of the Stargate. She looked troubled, but not panicking. He had a horrible feeling that it wouldn't stay that way.

He wandered over to join her, Juroah heading toward Lansha, who was staring fixedly at the floor where a Wraith corpse lay curled up by the heat a little distance from the others. On hearing Sheppard approach, Mishta turned and gave him a faint smile. 'It's an impressive thing,' she breathed, pulling her sleeve over her hand and scrubbing away a little of the soot. 'It would make a remarkable centrepiece for any Lantean tech collection. I wish I could see it operational.'

Her words sent a shiver through him, even though he knew her comment was innocent. Akalus, in her form, had demanded he activate the system so many times he knew he wouldn't do it now, even if it were possible. 'No can do…without power this thing is nothing more than a fascinating ornament.'

'If we had the means to remove it, we could sell it and fund a very comfortable life in the new village.'

'Now there's an idea,' he smirked. 'Maybe you should ask the Kheprians if they can help with that.'

'Yes…maybe we should.' She cast her gaze around the room, clearing her throat of some of the fine ash they'd disturbed in their movements. 'So, this is where we got sick?' she murmured. 'I'm amazed we got out of here alive.'

'We didn't,' Lansha called over now. 'That's the point.'

'Lansha,' Juroah growled, catching his arm. 'That's enough of that.'

Even in the dim light, Sheppard saw the colour leave Mishta's cheeks. His words had struck a chord at some subconscious level. 'What are you talking about? We're here…now.'

'But we weren't…that's why we don't remember things…'

She tore her eyes from her brother and focused on Sheppard. 'What's he talking about?'

Angry that Lansha had forced that on her before she was ready, he shouted back at him, 'Just give her She grabbed his arm

She grabbed his arm and forced him to look at her. 'Let what come back to me?'

He met her frustrated gaze and sighed. 'Just…give it time.' He walked away, toward the cells, letting the memories of pain and futility the sight of them awoke wash over and engulf him. Oolanae had kept him going, physically and mentally, more than once here. And though he knew she couldn't have been ascended as they were, the feeling that he'd let her down ate at him now he was back here to see what had become of her. He hoped if life's journey continued for creatures like the Reliquiae in some way, then she would find some peace.

'This…looks like your clothing.' He closed his eyes and took a moment to gather himself. Mishta had to be at the chair, or what was left of it. It was the one thing in the room he'd been avoiding.

He turned to look her way. 'Uh…yeah…yeah, it does,' he agreed, heading toward her, taking his time.

He noted from the corner of his eye that Lansha was also watching her now. And Juroah had taken a few steps her way, hesitant and unsure how best to respond.

She ran her fingers over the heat-buckled armrest of the chair, her fingers stopping at the twisted metal bolt near its end. As her fingers reached it, she snatched her hand back as if she'd received a shock. He heard her breath catch in her throat. She reached out again, touching the remains of another bolt that had pinned him at shoulder level. A phantom pain, minimal in comparison to the agony that bolt had inflicted on him, speared through his shoulder where the bolt had pierced through. He stepped up onto the dais and faced the site of his worst tortures, almost overwhelmed. He'd been so wrapped up in his grief he hadn't taken the time to work through the aftermath of what Akalus had done to him.

He stretched out to touch the chair too, and in that moment of shared contact it was as if Mishta received everything he'd remembered, everything that had been done to him in an instant information dump.

Eyes wide, she staggered back and fell from the dais, landing hard. He jumped down to her and tried to help her up. 'No,' she gasped. 'Nononono!'

'Mishta?'

She shook her head, 'Don't touch me! I…I can't…'

Breathe. He could hear the laboured way she was drawing breath and knew another panic attack was setting in. He grasped her arms, but she screamed as if his touch hurt her, so he immediately let her go.

'How can you…how can you…even look at me?'

It made his heart ache to hear her ask that question. Because he loved her. Because her pain was his pain.

Her tears welled and spilled as he watched her trying to deal with what she was remembering. 'The things I did to you!'

'No...' He shook his head vehemently, desperate to touch her again, to try to comfort her, but certain it would only make things worse. 'It wasn't you. None of that was you.'

'But it was!' she sobbed, covering her face.

He didn't want her to hide from him. She had nothing to be ashamed of. 'No…Mishta. It wasn't. It was him. You had no choice in anything you did.'

'I hurt you!' she cried, dissolving in despair. 'So much.'

Juroah now came forward to comfort her, pulling her hands from her face and making her look at him. 'John is right, Mishta. Nothing you did was your fault.'

'You tried to save me…you got him out of me…but I couldn't leave. I was trapped.' The pain in her eyes as they locked on him again almost broke him. 'Then I did a terrible thing to you.' She screwed her eyes shut against the memory and hung her head.

Lansha was watching him now, his expression softer. Lansha had no knowledge of what they had gone through before he'd reached them, and the news that Sheppard had tried to help his sister escape seemed to capture his attention.

Sheppard rose and looked back at the chair again, letting all the memories of his incarceration form clearly for the first time since his return. 'Akalus used Mishta to lure me out of the Japhalan palace,' he told them all. 'I realised something was wrong as soon as we got to Juroah's craft. But I couldn't get away. I was stunned unconscious, and when I woke up, I was trapped here with a Reliquia, and…' He didn't know how to put into words what had been done to them both. 'Akalus used us both to sustain one another while he worked to get everything ready for his plan.'

Juroah now dropped his gaze away, unable to look at him. Lansha, though, held firm. 'The Reliquia fed from you?'

He nodded. 'Akalus needed enzyme to preserve Mishta and make me strong enough to power the gate; Oolanae couldn't produce it in the quantities he needed without food.'

'May Oriah curse him forever,' Juroah growled, clutching Mishta close as she continued to sob.

'I didn't know how to stop him. He was too powerful. But Oolanae…the Reliquia…she told me her sisters were ready to transform…and that they could stop him.' He flinched as Mishta let out a heart-wrenching cry…the memory of the Wraith distressing her. 'I goaded her into calling them here…I was hoping they could get rid of Akalus and I could figure out a way to get the better of them before they killed us. After I broke my restraints to try to free Mishta, I figured I'd be able to overpower the Wraith when they came as long as they handled Akalus first. But when it came down to it…I couldn't stop them. He bolted me to the control chair…I was trapped…couldn't reach her…couldn't reach you…' Cold seeped through his veins as he remembered the moment he'd realised the only option left for them was to die on their own terms…no…on his terms. He hadn't asked them what they wanted, so he couldn't justify it that way. 'I've been fed on by the Wraith before. I didn't want either of you to have to go through that. There wasn't much time to make a decision, so I figured…if we were gonna die, we should take the Wraith out with us.'

Lansha was silent a long moment; the only sound in the room was Mishta's continuing sobs. Then he asked, 'Do you remember Avrid?'

Teer's bother. Sheppard nodded. 'I do.'

'He's the reason I'm here. And he came because of you.' He walked over to the spot of floor he'd been staring so intently at. 'This is where I fell…where that Wraith,' he pointed to the burnt husk at his feet, 'slammed her hand against my chest. If she had begun to drain me…if there had been one more moment of delay…I would not be here. He told me that. I remember now.' Sheppard just stared at him, trying to figure out which direction this was headed in. Suddenly Lansha launched at him, and before he could prepare, pulled him into a crushing hug. 'I was wrong. You didn't kill us…you saved us. We're here because of you…because of what you mean to the ascended.'

Sheppard froze with Lansha still clinging to him. He eventually raised a hand and patted him on the back. 'You're welcome.'

'I need to get out.' Mishta was on her feet and running before Juroah could stop her.

Sheppard pulled free of Lansha's hold and took off in pursuit. 'Mishta, wait!' She kept running, heading for the daylight. He decided not to try to stop her, just to be there when she needed him, so stayed on her heels as she continued to bolt. She scrambled out so fast she tripped and dropped onto her knees. He stooped to help her, catching hold of her. 'Hey…it's okay. You're okay.'

For a moment she just stared at him, her breathing ragged as she held his gaze. Then she flung her arms around his neck. 'I remember everything!' she told him as he held onto him. 'I remember you.' Then she kissed him and nothing else mattered. Nothing. Every horrible thing that had happened between them fell away in that moment and ceased to exist.

She remembered him.

'Huh…thought I recognised that craft. Strange place to choose for an illicit liaison.'

The magic of the moment was instantly broken. The deep, gravelly voice immediately set every one of Sheppard's nerves on edge. They broke apart to the sight of Kaliq only a few feet away, gun poised to fire as he stared down at them.

'What the hell are you doing here?' Sheppard growled, doing his best to push Mishta behind him. He wondered if he could reach his side arm before Kaliq could shoot.

'I came to take my Stargate back,' he told them. 'I heard the previous owner didn't need it anymore. And look, now I get to take my human back, too. From his murderous hybrid owner.'

'You lay one finger on her and I'll –'

'What?' Kaliq chuckled, his almighty gut shaking with glee. 'What will some puny human do to me?'

The sound of Ronon's gun switching setting to kill was like music to Sheppard's ears. The lumbering alien barely had time to turn before the Satedan fired on him, twice, and his huge bulk thudded to the ground, throwing up dust and a few shattered bones as it hit.

'Jesus, Ronon! Where'd you go?' Sheppard choked, helping Mishta to her feet as they both squinted against the haze.

'I hid when I heard him coming. Thought whoever it was might just keep going. He only just got here. I had it under control.'

'It didn't feel that way for a minute there,' he panted, his heart still galloping a mile a minute. He stroked Mishta's hair back from her face. 'Are you al—'

She caught hold of his face and claimed his mouth with hers again. He figured she was good.

The sound of a throat clearing behind them made Sheppard extricate himself from the clinch a little more prematurely than he would have liked. She wouldn't let him pull completely away though, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around him.

Juroah watched on, brows raised. 'Would anyone care to explain that?' he asked, pointing at the heap of ugly giant alien on the ground at their feet.

'I shot him,' Ronon explained in his usual, minimal way.

'He'll be back,' Lansha grumbled, kicking at his bulk. 'Just like last time. And there I was, foolishly thinking all our problems were over.'

'Unless…' Mishta took off running again.

Sheppard exchanged a quick glance with Ronon, then they both started out after her. What was she up to now? By the time they caught up with her, she was already looking for a way aboard Kaliq's huge mobile store. 'What're you doing?' Sheppard called after her.

'Looking for something,' she told him as she activated the hatch and climbed inside.

It seemed like to be picking up trinkets. They followed her in, watching as she pushed, pulled and poked at various things on display in the cargo hold. 'Mishta?' Sheppard ventured again. 'Care to share?'

'Wait…here it is!' She shoved aside a crate and found a panel with controls. She peered over her shoulder at them. 'Where's Lansha?'

'Here,' he called as he climbed the ramp into the transporter. 'What are you up to?'

'We need to get in here.'

He looked at the panel. 'Doesn't look so hard.' He looked around, grabbing up a sheathed knife from a collection Kaliq kept on one of his shelves. 'Give me some room.'

He pried the front off the panel using the sharp edge of the blade, then proceeded to pull out wires and cut them, reconnecting them in a new configuration. A few minutes later, a panel in the bulkhead drew back, revealing a chamber behind it. Inside, a huge pulsating sack connected by fleshy veins to what appeared to be Wraith tech, hung from a thick metal strut above head level.

Sheppard felt his jaw drop. 'Is that a –'

'Wraith cloning pod,' Ronon finished for him, pulling out a knife. He sliced it full length, and one huge, naked Kaliq spilled out, slithering across the floor and stopping at Sheppard's feet.

'I could have happily gone the rest of my life without seeing that,' he grumbled, staring down at the slimy body.

Ronon, levelled his gun at it. 'Let's make sure he doesn't come back this time.'

But before he could ask, Mishta had snatched the knife from her brother and slit the inert alien's throat ear from ear. 'That…' she began, breathing heavily, 'was very satisfying.'

Ronon merely nodded his appreciation, holstered his gun, and headed out.

Sheppard, still open-mouthed, slid his gaze to meet Mishta's. 'Well…I guess he won't need his Stargate now.'

'No…nor this murderous hybrid's human.'

'I think I should like to get out of here before this festering carcass begins to stink more than it already does,' Juroah interrupted, pushing his way out of the open panel, looking a little queasy.

'That sounds like a good idea,' Sheppard agreed, allowing both Mishta and Lansha to head out before, after one final look at Kaliq's dead clone, he followed them out. He figured no one was going to mourn his loss. He stepped out into the sunshine, but the smoky, ash-laden air still didn't refresh him. He wanted away from that place. It had already stolen enough from him already. He wouldn't give it another ounce of his energy.

oooOOOooo

The next few days on Gragoffa passed far more pleasantly. With his new understanding of everything that had happened, Lansha was his old self again, insisting that he serve Sheppard day and night as he owed him his life. At times, with Mishta vying for the right to serve him too, it got a little much and Sheppard had to head out for some quiet time with Ronon, but it was better than the frosty atmosphere he'd arrived to. And the knowledge that everyone knew what had gone down, and everyone now accepted there were no other options open to him, helped him to move on from the guilt that he'd laboured under from the moment his memory of the events had returned.

Hakkar had retrieved Oolanae's remains at Sheppard's request, and then had helped him take them to Anastan. Burial didn't seem right for her. He didn't think that was the Reliquiae way. On investigation, they found a table in a huge hall, so they placed her at the head of it, offered up some words of thanks and luck, and left her to preside over what had been her home for thousands of years. As they closed the doors behind them, Sheppard felt comforted by the fact the animals wouldn't carry her away now.

The night before he and Ronon were due to return to Atlantis, Mishta came calling in his shelter. She carried food and two cups, which Ronon took as his cue to give them some space. With him gone, she set the refreshments down and knelt beside Sheppard's bedroll, leaning in for a kiss.

'Does your brother know you're here?' he asked, as she passed him a cup. He didn't know what was in it, but it definitely wasn't water.

'You think I should seek his permission?' she asked, twitching up an eyebrow.

'No…I just think it would be better to be honest about what you're up to.'

'And what am I up to?' she asked, sipping from her cup as she watched him over the rim.

Her gaze smouldered as she waited for his response, setting an excited fluttering loose in his stomach. 'I'm not sure yet.'

She smirked and drank some more. 'Eat up. I brought you supper.'

'You don't have to keep doing this.'

'You saved my life…again. It's our –'

'Tradition…I know,' he replied, picking up a piece of fruit that resembled a grape and popping it in his mouth. 'But like I said, you don't have to do this.'

She shrugged. 'You're not here for much longer…let me spoil you while I have you.'

The mood changed at the mention of that, and he saw tears spring to her eyes, though she fought them back. He swallowed what he was eating and reached out for her hand. 'I'm sorry…you know…I wish I could stay, but…'

'No… you shouldn't stay…it's not safe,' she insisted, gripping his hand tightly. 'And I would never ask you to. Kaliq isn't the only soulless creature willing to trade in human flesh on this planet. And with all the other humans gone…if you were discovered here, you would be pursued by every unscrupulous mercenary in the galaxy.'

She dropped her gaze to her cup, and he could sense the sadness creeping up on her. 'You know, you never said who helped you ascend,' he said, changing the subject.

'Hmmm?'

'Your brother saw a man called Avrid. I was helped by his sister, Teer. Who helped you?'

Mishta smiled as she recalled the event. 'She appeared as a human child called Hedda.'

He smiled too and nodded. 'That figures.'

'How so?'

'Avrid and Teer were brother and sister, and Hedda was their little sister. I helped them ascend…I guess they thought it was time to return the favour.'

'She made me feel very safe…it was so peaceful there,' she murmured, lost in thought as she recalled her time away.

'So, what took you so long to come back?'

She frowned as she considered his question, and he could see conflict playing out on her face. 'I…I didn't think I deserved a second chance after the things I'd done.'

He cupped her face in his hands until she looked at him. 'I'm glad you changed your mind.'

She smiled, if a little sadly. 'So am I.'

'You know…Teer said some things to me when I was with her...things about the universe and how stuff works.'

'Really,' she looked surprised. 'I don't think Hedda and I talked about anything that deep.'

'Well…Teer and I…we…had a connection.'

She seemed to pick up on his awkward attempt to explain. 'You were lovers?'

That was a sweet way of putting it. 'Yeah, once…before she ascended. And when she helped me, she kinda wanted me to stay with her. But she understood about you…and how I felt about you. She said there are pivotal moments that hold the universe together…things that can't be changed. She said what happened in the expanse…that was one of those moments. That we can't do anything to stop it from happening. You, me, Lansha, my team, even Akalus…we're all players in some great universal plan. Nothing could ever stop that from happening.'

Again, he watched her think that over, and even saw the moment when a specific realisation struck. 'Nothing can change it?'

He just gave her a smile.

She grabbed his face and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her, happy to go along with it. When she let him up for air, he said, 'So if you want to –'

'Yes…yes, I want to!' and then she was on him again.

And just as Sheppard was about to let the moment take him wherever it led, he heard a voice right beside them say, 'I'm not disturbing anything am I?'

They sprung apart, startled by Lansha's proximity. 'Nope,' Sheppard lied. 'Mishta was just –'

'Oh, I can guess what Mishta was just,' he drawled. Then he addressed his sister. 'Juroah is looking for you. I wouldn't let him find you here. He still thinks of you as an innocent…this would be no way for him to find out the truth, would it?'

Looking disappointed and more than a fraction frustrated, she pushed up and shouldered her way past him. 'If I find out you're lying…'

'I'm not…he really is looking for you. I won't tell him where I found you if you don't.'

Sheppard drew his knees up and watched Lansha set down the small plate of food he'd brought with him. 'I came to offer you supper, but I see my sister beat me to it.'

'Yes…yes, she did,' he nodded.

Lansha held his gaze a while, as if taking the measure of him. 'She seems much better this past day or so, don't you think?'

'Yes. Much.' Definitely back to her old flirtatious self, that was for sure, even if it was punctuated by moments of introspection that were a little more out of character. 'She wants to come back to Atlantis with me,' he blurted it out, figuring there was no point in waiting. He just hoped Lansha didn't try and hit him again.

There was no such reaction. Lansha merely sighed and nodded. 'Juroah and I were only discussing this earlier. We thought she might.'

'And…?'

'Mishta has always felt on the outside of things. You are the one person she can be herself with who has never asked her to be something different. I will miss her dearly, of course, but I can't think of anyone better for her to be with.'

'And Juroah?'

'He feels the same.'

The rush of relief that came with Lansha's blessing lifted a huge weight off him.

'But you have to promise to come back and visit from time to time, whenever the Kheprians can facilitate it.'

'No problem…and you can come call on us…well, I'd have to clear that with the leader of the expedition and…you know…if we're in the middle of fighting the Wraith you might wanna take a rain check…'

'I understand yours is a busy and dangerous life, John,' Lansha told him. 'Just promise to keep Mishta happy and safe.'

He nodded. 'That's the plan.'

Lansha leaned in now and gave John another hug, just as he had at the expanse. Though it initially made him feel uncomfortable, Sheppard accepted it for what it was – gratitude.

'Oh…just one more thing before I leave and let you get some rest. About Mishta…'

Here we go, Sheppard thought, but he pinned on his most open and attentive face. 'Go on.'

'She is quick to anger, fiercely loyal, and passionate in all meanings of the word, as I'm sure you are already aware.'

Sheppard figured that one was rhetorical, and he wasn't waiting for any agreement.

'Give her a cooling off period. Mishta's ardour burns bright, but can fizzle out once routine sets in. If she still wants you after that, you're most likely safe.'

'You think I'm like…what…a passing phase?' Sheppard asked, trying not to feel insulted.

'Oh…no…I imagine she is every bit as in love with you as she claims to be, but better to be sure than make things more complicated since she will be stuck in Atlantis with you until the Kheprians call in on you.'

Sheppard narrowed his eyes. 'Are you trying to put me off taking her with me?'

'No…no. Not at all,' Lansha insisted, holding up his hands in surrender. 'We just know what she's like and think you will both be better for waiting.'

It kind of made sense, so he agreed. 'Okay. For how long?'

Lansha stood and started heading for the exit. 'Er…we thought a month should do it.'

A month? That was not going to go down well with his sister. 'And you'll run this past Mishta, I presume?'

Lansha grimaced at the suggestion. He pulled the door flap aside and began to back out of it. 'Actually, we thought that might be better coming from you.'

That actually made him laugh. 'This is a joke, right?'

'No…we do honestly think it's for the best.' Only his head remained in the shelter now, as Lansha added, 'Oh, and one final thing. Juroah says he'll know if you do anything before the month is up, and if you do, the next time he sees you Mishta will be wearing…well…I'm sure you can guess which parts of your anatomy he thinks would make the best earrings.'

Sheppard gaped back at him, for the moment completely lost for words.

'He is quite protective of her,' Lansha mused. 'She's been like a daughter to him, you see. Anyway, sleep well. You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. I'd best help Mishta pack.' And on that cheery note he departed, allowing the door cover to fall back in place.

Sheppard flopped back on his bed and pulled the pillow over his face so he could scream into it unheard. A month? Great. That was going to be one hell of a conversation. Why had he allowed himself to imagine any of this was going to be easy?

oooOOOooo

After two weeks back on Atlantis, and with a couple of successful off-world missions under his belt, Sheppard was feeling pretty good about life. He rose at five to take an early morning run before reporting for duty, tackling Atlantis' gantries and less populated regions where he could be assured of no interruptions, so leaving him plenty of time to think.

It was hard to believe that only a few weeks ago he had been dying in an underground facility sixty thousand years in the future. The memories of his ordeal still caused him phantom pains from time to time, but he knew that was all they were, what with this being a completely different body. Of course, he had thought Mishta was going to add a few more marks to the one she'd made with the pitcher when he'd suggested they takes things slow and give her time to settle in before rushing full tilt into a physical relationship. After a heart to heart, it turned out that the biggest problem was that she thought he couldn't face it being near her because of what had happened at the expanse, but after numerous reassurances to persuade her that wasn't the case, she had accepted his suggestion as just something he thought would be best to give both of them time to work through their emotions. He hadn't dared to tell her it was more of a requirement…some kind of quest he had to pass to win her hand in her brother and Juroah's eyes. He didn't think he could cope with the kind of fury that little nugget of information might elicit.

It was six o'clock when he got back to his quarters, ready for a shower and some breakfast. He was only mildly surprised to find Mishta waiting for him inside when the door drew back to grant him entrance. It wasn't the first time she'd been in there when he'd not invited her over.

'Morning,' he said, as if she were a permanent fixture there. 'You're up early.'

'Don't you want to know how I got in here?' she asked, clearly bursting to tell him what she thought was a funny tale.

'Well, I figured you sold McKay or Zelenka some line and tricked one of them into letting you in, just like the other three times,' he shrugged, feigning disinterest.

'It was Zelenka,' she confirmed. 'Guess what I told him?'

He looked at her as she strained to fight back a wicked grin and struggled not to break out in one himself. 'I honestly dread to think.'

'I told him I left my undergarments in here last night, and I needed to get them so I could do my laundry.' She sat back and watched him, most likely expecting some amount of shock or embarrassment.

'Really?' he drawled, just imagining the stammering and blushing the little Czech would have gifted her with for that gem if it were true. But he knew it wasn't. 'So, you didn't tell him you wanted to surprise me with the breakfast you're hiding behind you there?'

She gave an exaggerated sigh, glancing back over her shoulder at the tray she'd placed on his nightstand and positioned herself in front of. 'It's no fun when you're too observant to trick.'

He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. 'It's a sweet thought. Thank you.'

That perked her mood up again. 'You're welcome.'

He began sorting through the clothes he would need for the day as she wandered around his room, picking up various things and setting them down again. Usually that kind of thing bugged him, but somehow, after everything they'd been through, he felt like he could let it slide. He could tell she had something more to say, so took his time getting his things together, figuring she'd get to the point soon enough. It was probably about training, or joining one of the off-world teams. She was bored waiting for him to finish work all day and had mentioned it a few times now. He knew Major Teldy had expressed an interest in taking her on after Mehra had spoken up for her, but he was keeping that quiet for now so she didn't get too excited. There were more training hoops she needed to jump through first.

'I like your room…It has a spectacular view.'

That hadn't been what he'd expected her to say. He paused his rummaging and turned to look over his shoulder at her. 'Your room is right above –' He stopped talking when he spotted the covetous look she was giving him. 'Never mind,' he muttered, pulling out a clean t-shirt. So it was going to be one of those conversations today.

'Although your bed is rather small…for such a large space.'

That one almost made him laugh out loud. She was really pulling out all the stops. 'It's been fine for the past six years,' he told her, pretending to miss the point she was hinting at.

'Well, that's one question answered,' she said, more to herself than him.

He turned around to look at her again. 'What question?'

'Whether you've had any other women in this room.' As he tried to reply, she held up a silencing finger. 'And no…Teyla and Dr Keller do not count.'

He clamped his mouth shut. This woman knew him far too well already.

'Speaking of Dr Keller,' she continued. 'I overheard her discussing wedding plans with Teyla in the mess hall yesterday.'

'Yeah? Well, she and McKay have been together for a while now.'

'She was talking about wedding lists. Did you know you can get gifts for getting married?'

He smirked and carried on taking his time picking out his uniform. 'I heard something about that, yeah.'

'And they'll have a party with lots of wonderful food…and she'll have a dress that costs more than all the food put together. Then she gets to go on vacation alone with her…hus-band, is that right? So, she has him all to herself. For weeks.'

'And she's okay with that?' he quipped, leaning back against his closet doors. 'I mean…two weeks alone with McKay…'

Mishta shrugged. 'Oddly, yes. She appears to be very excited at the prospect. She mentioned flowers, too…I don't get that part…why would you need to destroy nature just to get married?'

So Lansha had been right about the cut flowers thing? He'd avoided giving her any, but had wondered if it had just been Lansha feeling mean and misdirecting him since it had been shared in the heat of an argument. Apparently not. 'There's a lot of things about weddings that don't make sense,' he told her. 'To be honest, marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just ask my ex-wife –'

He knew the instant those words left his lips that he had gone and stuck his size twelve in it.

'Your ex-wife?' she quietly repeated, closing in on him.

'Yeah…I'm sure I've mentioned her…' he croaked, trying to slip into the bathroom.

She slammed her hand against the wall, blocking his path. 'No…No, John. You haven't.'

Yep, he was in trouble now. 'Huh…must've slipped my mind.' She just narrowed her eyes at him. 'It was a long time ago,' he added, hoping to change the subject.

Apparently, she wasn't ready to drop it just yet though. 'How long?'

'How long ago? Uh…'

'How long were you married?' she clarified.

He pretended to have to think about it, although he knew the answer. 'Uh, six…nearly seven years.'

'Years!' She looked utterly stunned and broken. 'I…I thought you were going to say weeks…or maybe months…'

'Weeks?' he almost choked. 'That wouldn't have made me much of a husband.'

'Who ended it?' she asked.

Aww, crap. He wondered if he should lie, because it hadn't been him. Then he thought better of it, knowing she could read him like a book. 'She did. She didn't like my job much.'

'I like your job.'

He stifled a laugh at that. He knew she was comparing herself to his wife in terms of their compatibility, but this wasn't a joke to her. 'This isn't the same job I was doing back then. There was a lot of stuff I did that I couldn't talk about.'

That raised an eyebrow. 'Oh…so keeping secrets is a habit for you?'

He cringed and tried to touch her shoulder. 'Mishta…don't be like that…'

She stepped back, just out of reach. 'Do you still love her?'

There was genuine anxiety behind that question. Did she think that was the reason he'd kept it from her? 'No! Absolutely not. We split up eight years ago. I barely even think about her…hence forgetting to mention her.'

'Eight years?' That seemed to calm her and for a moment it felt like the storm had passed. 'Shame she isn't around so I can ask how she coped with her month of abstinence.'

He winced again. He really needed to get a better poker face.

She frowned and growled, 'John…?'

'We…didn't do the…abstinence thing…' he admitted.

She looked like she might be about to punch him. 'What? Then…then why are we doing this? Don't you like me?'

He dropped the clothes her was clutching and snatched up her hands in his, as much for his own protection as her comfort. 'Yes…I like you very much…and in my defence, her family never threatened to make jewellery out of pieces of my anatomy.' He'd convinced himself he wouldn't need to drop Lansha and Juroah in it with her, but he sorely needed the deflection right now.

Mishta's expression turned decidedly icy, but he suspected the focus of her anger had shifted. 'Who said that?'

'Well, Lansha delivered the message,' he shrugged, 'but he said it came from Juroah. I think they were both on the same page.'

Her lips drew into a thin, angry line and she snatched her hands free, shaking her head as she struggled to formulate a sentence from her fury. 'Sixty thousand years away, and they are still dictating my love-life!' she growled, stomping away to the window in a self-imposed time-out. 'I swear, if they were here, I would tear your clothes off and make love to you in front of them right now just to spite them!'

Now that conjured up some disturbing mental images. 'Probably a good thing they're not here, then,' he pointed out.

She threw him a murderous look. 'You don't want to make love to me, do you?'

He tried not to smile since she was so serious. 'Really? Out of everything you just said, you think that's the part I have a problem with?'

'Well, how am I supposed to know?' she demanded, folding her arms tight across herself. 'It's not like you ever show any interest.'

'That's not true.'

'Isn't it?' she asked. 'When was the last time you kissed me, John? I always have to initiate things.'

That was true…but he did have his reasons. 'I…I'm trying to make it easier on us both.'

'Ignoring the idle threats of people who are sixty thousand years away would make it easier on us,' she snapped, turning her back on him again. 'This just makes me feel…undesirable.'

'That's ridiculous. You're the most desirable woman I've ever met,' he told her, finding it oddly refreshing to say exactly how he felt for once. 'Look, your brother and Juroah thought waiting was a good way to make sure we both knew what we really wanted from each other. And considering that for most of the time since we met we've either been at each other's throats, sick, unconscious or possessed, the idea has some merit.'

'You do not feel as strongly for me as I do for you,' she sighed, her voice cracking a little.

He approached her carefully, wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss on her neck as he hugged her from behind, taking in the view with her. It was a beautiful morning…too good to waste on arguments. 'Yes I do…but one of us has to be the patient one, and it didn't take long to figure out it wouldn't be you.' She made to angrily shrug him off, but he tightened his grip, enjoying the closeness. 'It's only two more weeks.'

'And it's already been the longest two weeks of my life!' she complained. 'How can you be so calm about this?'

'Like I said, one of us has to be.' He forced her to turn and face him. Though she feigned resistance, it was weak and clearly not genuine. 'And I promise you, once this two weeks is over, I will make it up to you.' When he kissed her this time he let go, just for those few seconds, giving her a taste of how much he cared. She folded into him, allowing him to crush her against him without any resistance at all. For a moment, he lost all track of time. No one had ever made him feel the way she did. He only wished he was better at making her understand that.

'You're going to need a bigger bed then,' she whispered against his mouth before smothering him in another kiss.

'Already…done,' he panted as he battled to keep things under control. 'It arrives…on the Daedalus…next week.'

That definitely pleased her. It was obvious she was loath to end it when he reluctantly pulled away, but he managed to prise her hands from around behind him and extricate himself despite her best attempts to prolong the clinch.

He checked his watch. 0620 hours. 'I have a meeting with Woolsey at eight,' he told her, stroking back her hair. 'So why don't I get a shower, get dressed, and we'll take that breakfast up to the East pier and enjoy what's left of the sunrise?'

She broke into a broad smile, the one that always melted his heart. 'I would like that…a lot.'

'Sweet. Just gimme a couple of minutes and I'll be right with you.'

He grabbed up the clothes he'd dropped and headed for the bathroom, ordering the shower on at his ideal temperature. As an afterthought, just as he began to strip off, he ordered the door to lock. Seconds later, as the warm water eased away his post run aches, he heard a thump at the door and a groan, followed by a muffled threat that if this was the way he wanted to play it, she would eat all the chocolate-chip pancakes herself. He laughed and let her curse him out through the closed floor. He didn't mind about the pancakes. They were her favourites anyway, and he figured she deserved them after this morning's revelations.

He was no stranger to the prospect of sustained assaults in the field of combat, but the challenge of holding ground against Mishta and her not-so-subtle seduction strategies took things to a whole other level. The next two weeks were going to take every ounce of charm and restraint he had, but he'd made a promise to give her time to fully find herself again…to be sure she really wanted to be his…and he always kept his promises. He understood that emotions became heightened and distorted when you were fighting for your life, and for the majority of their time together on Gragoffa that had been the case for them, one way or another. They had to be sure their feelings for one another ran as strongly now when the heat was off. He already knew he wanted no one else, and from the way things were going so far, he was pretty sure Mishta knew her mind, too. Still, he'd made the promise to Lansha and Juroah, so he would live up to his vow and prove his worth to them.

Besides, he had a feeling the pay-off would be worth every minute of the wait.

THE END

A/N: Well, I had to give him a happy ending after everything I put him through, right? Or rather, it'll be their happy ending in two weeks' time! I hope you all enjoyed the story. Thanks to everyone who read and shared their thoughts. Take care of yourselves and stay safe!