A/N: Can you believe it? I finished writing the entire fic a couple of days ago. It's a wild feeling. There are about...maybe five chapters left after this depending on my edits.
Thank you all so much for the reviews and faves. I really appreciate all of them. I hope you enjoy this. It's all ramping up now. Please let me know what you think, especially about how this chapter ends. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ;) Enjoy!
Chapter Forty-Three
Before I am aware of it, we have reached Dauntless. I have no further recollection of the journey, not since speaking with Jeanine. My mind is reeling over everything since meeting Eric. I cannot trust Catherine's word alone, but the idea of it stays in my mind. I need to know the truth.
We are greeted at the door by one of the other leaders. I have seen her before but her name escapes me. She watches me for a moment once she greets Jeanine. It somehow feels more significant in light of the doubts Catherine has planted. I follow quietly as our small group is led to the testing chamber. You would not expect Dauntless to hold so much room considering how much of it is underground.
"Jeanine," Max walks up to us once we enter. "Welcome."
"Max," she smiles as he reaches us. "Thank you for having us. Are they ready?"
"Just waiting for us to get settled. Shall we?"
He motions for us to follow. Jeanine steps up next to him as they walk around the screens. The room is filled with Dauntless and our group of Erudite. The chair in the middle of the room is the centre of everything. I cannot imagine being put through the same tests. There would be no hiding there.
I stand slightly behind Jeanine. I do not want to see this. It will start everything. I know what is coming tomorrow. This is just the prequel.
"There you are," Eric appears next to me. His hands are clasped in front of him. He faces the screen, his height working to allow him to see it clearly between the people in front of us.
"Eric," I greet. My voice is surprisingly steady.
"Are you ready?"
I freeze. There is too much he could mean by that. "For?" I ask.
"Tomorrow. All of our work comes to fruition." I am growing tired of hearing the word our. I do not want to be a part of this. I do not want more death.
"I do not think it possible to prepare for such an event," I finally say.
He looks at me for a moment. "I think it is."
I do not have an answer for that. The first candidate is brought in. Eric turns to look at the screen and for a second it's as though I can breathe again. I cannot shove out the thought in my mind about what Catherine said or Jeanine's words on the way here. I need to confirm that the hypothesis raised is a lie. I need it to be false. I cannot request confirmation from Jeanine at this time. If it is false, she will be unimpressed with my fears. The only other person I can ask is standing next to me. I do not want to ask though. I am unsure if I can trust whatever answer he will give me. If it is false, I do not want to give him ideas. He has already tried to claim me in every fashion he can.
My attention is diverted when I see the Prior girl being led in. Jeanine straightens slightly in front of me.
"This is the one I mentioned before," Eric says quietly. "You think she'll pass?"
"I do not know enough to base any assumption," I say. He looks at me amused.
"We could make a bet," he teases as they prep her. "Though you aren't one to keep your word. Still waiting on those nights."
I glower over at him. "I would have assumed that you have been satisfied by now."
"Not nearly." The girl's fears start playing. It is odd seeing them. Some of the children panic while others, like this girl, solve their problems logically. I am surprised that there is no similar serum in Erudite to test someone's critical thinking and logic skills, but then we do not need to think fast in the face of danger. At least, typical Erudites do not.
"I need to speak with you," I say quietly. "In private." That piques his interest.
"Really?" He glances around. Everyone is focused on the screens. "Come."
"What? I did not mean now," I hiss. "You have to be here for this, do you not?"
"They'll be fine."
"We can't just leave!"
He sighs but does not respond. Thankfully he does not try to pull me out of the room. Instead, he moves forwards with the other leaders to congratulate the girl.
The process continues until finally all the initiates have been tested. From my understanding, some do not pass. I wait as Jeanine speaks to some of the others who have joined us. They are talking about the testing procedure and ways to improve it. It is as if the massacre she has planned tomorrow is inconsequential. There is pressure at the base of my throat at the thought. I clutch my latest tablet tighter, hoping that it grounds me. I play around with the schedule, checking on the status of our own initiates so that I do not have to participate in that conversation.
Eric glances at me before he strides over to Jeanine. He says something to her. Anxiety bubbles up in me as they talk quietly. She nods before looking over at me. She motions to join them.
The pressure in my throat increases as I move forward.
"Amelia," Jeanine says my name lightly. "I want you to take Vincent, Sasha and Diane and have them start preparing for tomorrow. A final check to ensure everything is on schedule."
I nod. I wanted to run from Dauntless, not stay longer.
"I'll ensure a car remains for you. I expect the others will stay until replacements arrive tomorrow. Understood?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good." She looks over at Eric. "If you would lead my assistant and her team, please."
"Of course," he says with a slight nod. "Follow me."
I am given no choice but to follow. I motion for the three others to join us and they do so only when Jeanine prompts them to.
It does not take long to get there. The control room in question is not far from the testing arena of Dauntless. It has not changed at all since the last time I was here.
"Get to work," I tell the others. "Ensure everything is ready." I am tempted to sabotage the entire thing, but I would not survive it. Not with Eric standing near.
I check it over, ignoring the slight tremble in my hands. Everything is in working order. The systems are running without any sign of fault.
I step away from the screens and off of the platform. Eric does not hesitate to move towards me. "I am finished," I tell him.
"Good. Let's go."
I pause only to inform the others of my departure and that should anything go wrong, it will be them who have to explain it to Jeanine. Diane assures me it will be fine and that she will contact me should they need to. It is the best assurance I can get.
Eric's hand touches the small of my back as we leave. The anxiety bubbles up again, increasing my heart rate as he leads me into an empty hall, and then into a dark room. I do not recognize it at all.
"What did you want to speak to me about?" he asks.
My breath hitches as he turns on the light and it takes everything in me not to turn and flee. We are in a room that houses one of the chairs they used in the final test here. This is likely where they train for the fear simulation.
"There's no cameras here, Amelia," he says, almost trying to reassure me. As if that is what I am afraid of.
I look up at him as he moves closer. His hand reaches up to the side of my neck before he leans in and kisses me.
"Wait," I push back at his chest. "That's not what I meant when I asked for privacy."
His lips touch my cheek and move across, laying soft kisses along my neck."Then what?"
"I need to ask you something." I push harder, trying to move him away from me. "Eric," I snap. "Listen to me."
He pulls away with a sigh. "What?"
"Catherine said something to me before she…" I swallow tightly. "Before she died."
He frowns slightly but stops trying to distract me with his touches. "What did she say?" His tone is slightly darker, more serious.
I take a breath, trying to gain some form of courage. Please let her be wrong. "I need you to be truthful with me. Catherine said...she phrased it that Jeanine sold me to you. Is that true?"
He stares at me and for a second something that feels like hope blooms in my chest. His words extinguish it. "She and I made a deal."
"What?" I must have heard incorrectly.
He moves forward and I cannot stop myself from recoiling from him. "Jeanine and I made a deal before I chose Dauntless."
"No," I shake my head.
He grabs my arms, holding me in place. "This was always the plan, Amelia. You and me. I told you before, I get what I want."
I shove him back. "You cannot barter someone!" I snap. "What was the deal?" I need to know. If this is all true, then I need to know why.
"That I choose Dauntless. If I helped Jeanine with her plans, she'd let me have you. Even in separate factions."
I am going to be sick. I bend forward, trying to stop the room from spinning. Everything he has done…everything I have done has been because of this. It cannot be right. This is not how things are done. "No," I repeat. "It does not work like that. Cross faction relationships are not allowed."
"Ours is," he stresses.
I look up at him. He does not look perturbed in the least. "I don't understand. Why? Why me? If you say you made the deal before even your choosing ceremony...that was years ago Eric. Long before you knew me."
He bends down to be at my eye level. "You've always been mine, Amelia. From the moment you walked up to me and asked for that book." I did not think he even remembered that. It was just a book.
"No," my voice cracks. "I'm Erudite. She won't."
"She already did."
I cannot breathe. The pressure in my chest is cutting off the airflow to my lungs. This is not something as simple as a dalliance that was supposed to end. It is supposed to end not...not this.
"No," I take a deep breath and stand, trying to regain some control. I am invaluable to Jeanine. She would not dispose of me in such a way. I will appeal to her logic and make her see reason. He is one Dauntless. "I will speak to Jeanine-" I am cut off as Eric shoves me back against the wall. His hands pin mine down and he leans close so our eyes meet.
"Listen to me carefully," he says. His voice is dark. His body pushes into mine and I cannot move. There is no escaping Eric like this. "Everything I have done was for you and nothing, not you, not Jeanine, is going to keep me from you, understand?"
I have nothing to say. For once the words dry up in my throat. His nose brushes against my cheek, a move that once felt almost comforting is now tainted. Like everything that has to do with him is. My apartment is no longer home because of him.
"Tell me you understand, Amelia."
I shut my eyes tightly. Of everything I had imagined, this was not it. I cannot simply accept this, but if I am to argue against it to Jeanine, to hear it from her lips, I need to get out of this faction.
"You need to let go of me," I finally manage to say. "I will not be threatened."
"Just tell me you understand," he says again.
I meet his eyes. I cannot place the expression but I have no desire to know this man any more than I already do. "I understand," I grind out.
He kisses me. There is no losing myself in him this time. Not when the knowledge of what he has done, of what he planned for me without any consent on my part, is strong. He pulls back after a moment.
"It'll be okay," he says. He is wrong though. Nothing will ever be okay again.
Eric leads me out. The world does not feel real at the moment. He does not seem to mind my lack of a response.
"Soon, you won't be leaving," he murmurs. It sits like lead in my stomach. I close the door, locking him out from the car. I see his jaw clench before we drive off.
I am out of options. It seems impossible that such actions are true, but looking back, comparing what I know now with events of the past...it is clear. Jeanine talked to me about sacrifice, asked how I enjoyed Dauntless. How did they expect me to live there? To attempt to adapt to a faction that I do not belong in?
Catherine, for all her jealousy, was right. It did not make sense that the rumours of Eric and I were not fully addressed by Jeanine. I should have been taken off of the project. Emotional reactions were not permitted as they were known to affect results. How did I not see this before? I was so concerned with hiding my Divergence that I did not consider that I was involved in some other...exchange behind my back. For all intents and purposes, she sold me to ensure her plans would play out.
I exit the car once it stops. I go through the motions, moving to greet our initiates before continuing with my daily tasks. Thankfully, no one attempts to stop me. I do not know what I will tell my parents. I stop. Eric has been attempting to merge himself into my family. Tormenting Riley was only a small part of the reasons Eric had invited himself to our family dinner. Every time he spoke to my parents, he was far more pleasant than any other time. He knew from the beginning. How long has he been watching them?
The question weighs on me throughout the day. I don't know what to do. Catherine once called me a Dauntless whore. It would seem she was right. Eric had paid for me, even if I was unaware of it.
Anger flashes through me at that. How dare they. I have given everything to ensure my safety, to prove my use to Jeanine in order to keep myself alive. Perhaps, with everything that I have done, I deserve this. A fate for someone with blood on their hands. I have long known that I would not be suited to marry an Erudite, but I did not anticipate this. I do not want it.
As I walk into my apartment, I am tempted to destroy the place. It would be a small act of defiance, but it would get me nowhere. It suddenly seems more obvious that there are things missing. Pictures, books...Eric has been attempting to integrate himself into my life for weeks now. All those hours at Erudite, the multitude of tasks given to me. I had thought Jeanine had trusted me, but they could have easily been used as a way to keep me tired, out of sorts just enough to not realize the extent of this.
I do not want this. I know what my future holds. I have always been aware of the limited destinations that await me. I thought I would survive in Erudite. I should have gone to Amity.
It is as though there is a sudden clarity. I cannot protect my family. I cannot protect myself, but I can still try. There are still choices available to me. I do not know if I am strong enough for this, but I am my mother's daughter. She gave me the tools I need to survive. They were meant to keep me safe in Erudite. I will not allow Jeanine to give me up as she pleases. It is my life. If Erudite no longer wants me, I will leave on my own terms. Not theirs.
[tbc]