Chapter Forty-Four

Conviction

"Good morning, Laura! Time to get up! Hey, why is your face so hairy?" asked Lindsay. Sleepily, Laura touched her face and then peeked out of the covers, trying to focus. Lindsay was staring up at her family portrait.

"Lindsay, the portrait is enchanted. I thought you knew that," Laura said, pulling the covers back up. But she knew from the beams of light hitting her eyes that she wasn't likely to fall back asleep.

"Well, I knew it was one of Francis Pyther's last paintings, and that sometimes the three of you look like you're in your animal forms. I guess I never looked at it closely before now," Lindsay said.

"It isn't random," Laura sighed, propping her head up. "It's following the moon cycle. Pyther made Mother and I transfigure to our animagus forms over and over to get it right, but what you're seeing there is the first stage of my transformation. If you look at my mother, you'll see that her hair appears frosty, but that's really just the start of her transformation happening. I guess it must be near first quarter right now."

"So when the three of you are in your animal forms, it means it's a full moon?" Lindsay said.

"Yes, then we return to human form when the moon is waxing enough that father doesn't transform. They had it made so that no matter where I went after I graduated, I'd have a way to tell when it was safe to come home," Laura said, gazing at it. "Father starts to get a little anxious when we get to this stage of the cycle, especially when I'm around. I typically try to avoid him more from this point until after he's recovered, but that'll get tricky with us both working at Hogwarts now," Laura said.

"It's a pretty big castle," Lindsay pointed out. "And speaking of which, you'd better get up if you're going to eat before your library shift."

"I think I'll eat when I get there," Laura said.

"As long as you're up in time... I'll probably be off to work by the time you're out of the shower. I need to go do a home check on a witch couple wanting to adopt," Lindsay explained.

"Good luck, hope it goes well," Laura said.

"Me too," Lindsay said, then turned for the door.

"Lindsay?" Laura called out at the last moment, and she looked around. "I know it's not going to happen, but if you got sacked in your current job, what would you do?"

"That's easy," Lindsay said. "I'd go somewhere else to do the job." Laura blinked in confusion.

"What?"

"Well, St. Mungo's placement program isn't the only one out there, after all. I could apply to the Ministry Family Services office, or find another charity that helps these kids. And if the position is just volunteer, I can always ask Father for a part time job," she said with a wink. "I've always wanted to help people, and helping kids that went through tragedies like mine... it's so important to me," Lindsay said. "A job is just a job, but a conviction lasts for as long as you have it. I gotta get to work," she added after glancing at her watch.

Laura thought about that for a moment and then leapt out of bed, hurrying to get ready. After glancing at the clock, she popped to the Ministry and over to the reception desk to find out who was working that weekend. She then walked to the Auror office to find Jamie reading Who's Who, and was pointed to Thomas Craw's office where Thomas and Aurelius were having breakfast. Being that it was the weekend there were very few people around, so Thomas had left the door open since none of his assistants were there. They both looked up in surprise when she walked in.

"Aren't you working at the castle this morning?" Aurelius asked.

"I'm on my way, really. I just wanted to ask you something, Rel," Laura said seriously. "If you got sacked, what would you do?" Aurelius only had to gaze at her expression for a moment before he shrugged.

"I'd probably work here at the LE Department, if grandfather would have me," Aurelius said.

"A Truth Seeker on the force would definitely be beneficial," Thomas agreed. "I'm sure Alex would hire you too."

"Good point."

"Well, what if for some reason you couldn't go back to the Ministry?" Laura asked.

"I'd go to the U.S. I suppose," Aurelius decided.

"The Flyers are always hiring," Thomas put in.

"Yeah, but it's really cold in Canada, and the golfing is better in the U.S.. I think I'd still send Justice to Hogwarts, though," Aurelius decided. "But no matter where I go, I'd still be an Auror." Laura frowned and nodded, looking at Thomas.

"And what if you were sacked?" she asked. Thomas blinked.

"What? That would never happen. Draco wouldn't be that stupid..."

"Grandfather, humor her," Aurelius interrupted. "It's a hypothetical exercise. Would you just stick with the gold mine for work?"

"What? No, that business is just a worthwhile investment... well, at least enough of one to pay the land taxes, anyway," Thomas grunted. "I want to stay closer to my family than that. Maybe I can get a job as the Tower Warden or become the Minister of Magic to get back at Draco for sacking me. In any case, I'd want a job where I'd be in a position to help my family in some way."

"Being Tower Warden helps out your family?" Aurelius asked dubiously.

"Do you have any idea how many times you Snapes have been in the Tower? I do. I have all of your records. Even your mother has a record of being in there," Thomas pointed out, pulling out his bulging file on family members and tossing it on his desk for effect. Then he snapped his fingers. "I have another thought. Why don't I buy Wizardday Publishing? I could force Longbottom out of the Oracle and publish all my son's books.."

"I thought you wanted to keep that a Pact secret?" Aurelius reminded him.

"I do. Laura, don't tell anybody I know about that," Thomas warned her.

"I think the point he's trying to make, Laura, is that he'll gladly to do any job where he can use his intelligence, magical ability, and experience to help further the goals of the Craw family," Aurelius paraphrased.

"Of course that's what I want. I'm a Craw," Thomas said curtly.

"The point is that a person's conviction goes beyond what kind of job they want to do. It's broader than that," Aurelius explained. "Ask Librarian Boulderdash about his convictions. I think you'll see more of what I mean."

"I think I will. Thanks, sorry to interrupt your breakfast," Laura said.

"Come in any time, the door is open," Thomas shrugged, and Laura walked out. Aurelius looked at him curiously.

"Did you really just give her an open invitation?" Aurelius asked. "I thought that only included family and your Ministry assistants."

"It does," Thomas agreed, looking out the door thoughtfully. "But for some reason, she reminds me of your mother."

Laura arrived at the door of the library just as the clock struck nine. Librarian Boulderdash, who was sitting at the main desk, glanced at the clock thoughtfully as she walked up.

"You must be settling in. You've been early every other shift," Boulderdash observed.

"Sorry, I had some business this morning," Laura explained.

"No matter, it isn't as if you were late," Boulderdash said. "You'll have some library helpers today. Martha York is already putting away books and will be here until eleven and Maurice Craw will be helping from noon until Quidditch practice at two. I've finished the schedule for all of the student helpers this semester in my office. I'll also keeps notes there if a student can't come in because of testing, illness, sports, and that sort of thing."

"Yes, I remember it from when I was a student aid," Laura said. "But I was wondering if I could talk to you about something."

"Certainly," Boulderdash said, catching Martha's eye and pointing her at the desk before hopping off his stool. "I was going to ask you in my office to teach you some more on the finer points of book repair... and to teach you when it's best to simply leave it alone for professional repair."

"All right," Laura said, following him into his office. The door to the Owl Room was cracked open, and there was such chatter on the other side that Boulderdash had to close it. Laura closed the other door.

"They're having a full meeting this morning. It seems that they're all settled too, and ready for mischief," Boulderdash explained, pulling out a chair for her to sit on and then grabbing some books he had set aside. "But never mind that for a moment. What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I was wondering, if you got sacked from this job, what would you want to do?" Laura inquired.

"Ah. What happened this time to put my job on the line?" Boulderdash wanted to know.

"This time? No, I meant hypothetically. Your job has been on the line before?" Laura asked curiously.

"Many times," Boulderdash snarled. "So often that I have contemplated that question myself. And I believe what I would do is start a self-defense school."

"A self-defense school? You mean to teach knife skills like you taught Lucky?" Laura recalled, then paused. "Why do I have a feeling that such a school wouldn't be well received?"

"You would be correct," Boulderdash agreed with a toothy sneer. "But I already have a target on my back and several goblin assassins after me for putting my son in Hogwarts, along with other things that I've done in the past that the radical separatists in my society condemn me for. What's one more assassin in the mix?"

"I suppose, but really it only takes one, doesn't it? There's always someone out there who's more skilled, or maybe just luckier," Laura pointed out.

"Now you sound like Xavier," Boulderdash snarled, sitting down. "He gave me similar warnings when he found out I was putting Dasher into Hogwarts. Civil activism comes with risks. I accept that, as does the rest of my family. We speak of it often when the family is together... and we've worked hard to educate Sprinter and Dasher to understand both the risks and the necessity for them. Our intentions are also often misconstrued. There are radicals out there that are convinced that Dasher is in Hogwarts to emulate your kind, but in reality, they're missing the point. It isn't that we want to emulate wizardkind; we simply want a seat at the table. It isn't that I train wizards so that they can fight goblins; I train them to defend against violence, not to promote it. It's rather hard to make any progress on equality when both sides are busy throwing spells and knives at each other." Laura nodded thoughtfully at that. "To this day, I believe that taking this job was probably the best thing I could have done for the cause, both under Headmaster Dumbledore as well as Snape. They have encouraged my passive activism and given me opportunities to both educate and break down barriers during my time here, as well as the courage to use my family's fighting talents for something more in line with our non-violent beliefs. But if I were ever forced out of this job, I would be bringing all of that knowledge and confidence with me, and I would keep doing whatever it takes to further the cause."

When Maurice came out of the Owl Room for his shift some time later, he found Laura at the main desk with an expression of someone rather lost in thought. In fact, he was standing right in front of her before she finally looked up.

"Should I start with returns or do you want me to put away books off of the tables first?" Maurice asked.

"Oh, um... whatever you want," Laura said.

"I'll start on returns then," Maurice decided, pulling out books from under the counter. "So what were you thinking about just now? Getting bored of the job already?"

"Not really... actually, watching the desk is a lot more interesting than watching the flag board," Laura decided. "There are a lot more interruptions here."

"True, but it's not as dangerous either. Do you miss the excitement?" Maurice asked curiously.

"Not really, no," Laura admitted. "To be honest, I don't think I'll miss any of it, except for my friends."

"I'm sure they're still your friends," Maurice said.

"Oh, well, maybe, but it'll be quite a long time before talking to any of them will be anything but awkward," Laura said.

"Probably true," Maurice agreed as he went through the books. "Does Severus have any books on hold?"

Laura looked over questioningly at Maurice, then noticed that the headmaster had come in and was striding over to the desk.

"Good afternoon," Severus said. "Laura, as I'm sure you know already, the full moon is coming up, and I am having Jennifer and Bael teach classes on Dark Fae in Defense. Could you substitute for Jennifer in Potions on Thursday?"

"Sub? Already?" Laura asked with surprise. "Hermione said she was going to spend a day giving me some basic procedures and such on that before I had to sub."

"Yes, and I'm sorry. I was originally planning on having Icarus substitute potions but Jennifer has found a way to tie my hands on the matter. You graduated Potions with top honors, and you've had years experience tutoring in it, the experience will have to do. Just... keep them from blowing up the lab, and it will suffice," Severus said in a low voice.

"Oookay," Laura said with a frown.

"Stop by Jennifer's office when you're done here, she'll copy her notes for you," Severus told her.

"Alright," Laura said with resignation.

"Thank you," Severus said. He turned and walked back out of the library. Laura grimaced.

"Subbing already," she said under her breath.

"It can't be that bad, can it?" Maurice asked. "Lucky and Ambrose have both mentioned to me that in school you wanted to be a teacher."

"I did," Laura admitted. "But is it what I want now? What is my real conviction?"

"Only you can answer that," Maurice shrugged, taking his stack of books back to the shelves.

Remus climbed the last tower stair and paused to catch his breath. He stared down the staircase for a moment, then turned to the open doorway leading outside, wondering if he shouldn't have taken a broom. Shrugging it off, he went into the Divination Room and through to Icarus Ravenclaw's office.

"There's a Doorlift now, you know," came a disembodied voice.

"No. I didn't know," Remus admitted.

"Just there," Icarus floated through the classroom and pulled back a set of curtains. "It's just been added recently, so it's not a surprise that you don't know about it. So far, Quintin is the only one who uses it, but feel free."

"Thank you," Remus said.

"Tea?"

"Yes, thank you," Remus said, following him into his office. "I suppose you know what I'm here about, considering what you do."

"I would have known what you were here for even without Divination," Icarus said, closing the door behind him. "But before we go into that, I think you ought to know that Professor Snape has made it clear that I am not allowed to go anywhere near Jennifer's office, lab, or her research at any time in the immediate future, unless she changes her mind, which is unlikely."

"Yes, I know," Remus replied, pouring himself a cup from a glistening silver tea set, while Icarus got one from the tarnished set. "I am very fond of Jennifer and I respect her greatly, and her opinions. I understand her position in this and why she has a very valid point, even when she sets her personal grievances aside."

"Yes, I know," Icarus acknowledged. "She does have a point and she does have the right to keep me from her work. Yet here we are."

"Here we are," Remus agreed. "Icarus, I can not let this go. I am grateful for all of the strides that are being made improving the therapy potions. But if you have something to contribute to this problem, I would personally love to hear it. I can't let school politics and a thousand-year-old murder sentence get in the way of a breakthrough. Talk to me. Talk to me, maybe I can slip and idea or two and make it out as mine if it'd help. But don't stop researching just because Jennifer is in a stubborn righteous streak. I don't want any stone left unturned on this, no matter what happens to me. I want to help others like me... others who haven't been as lucky as myself and don't have the resources I have to keep going month after month. Please, Icarus," Remus insisted with determination.

"I'd like to give you a reading," Icarus said suddenly. "We can start with your teacup."

"A reading?" Remus repeated a little confused, but Icarus' expression was quite serious.

"Yes, I'd like to confirm some of the things I've been seeing. Some of it concerns you," Icarus said.

"Very well, but I should warn you that I've never really taken Divination seriously, no offense," Remus said.

"None taken, I'm quite used to it," Icarus said, cleaning up his desk and floating a velvet cloth over to cover it. "It took the Headmaster himself years and years to acknowledge it, even after having various encounters with the craft's effects. Nevertheless, I think you should have a reading, whether you are skeptical or not. After all, you will still make your own choices no matter what anyone advises you to do. This is simply how I give advice... not to mention it'll help cover up the real reason you were here if Jennifer asks."

"Fair enough," Remus said. "But I don't see why she'd ask."

"Oh, she will," Icarus replied. "Your cup?" Remus sighed and finished his tea.

"My cup always shows the same thing," Remus warned him, handing it over. Icarus peered inside.

"I see a full moon," Icarus said.

"There, you see?" Remus said, grabbing a biscuit.

"It is not this full moon," Icarus added. Remus looked at him curiously.

"How can you tell?" Remus asked.

"Well, each moon cycle is a bit different... how close it is to the Earth, or to the Sun, and that's not even getting into the astrological signs," Icarus explained. "Without getting too technical, I believe this is the moon after this one... and there's a deep shadow on it... here..." he said, pointing to a streak of tea leaves in the center. "Something of a dark nature will happen then," Icarus said.

"Go on," Remus said, feeling a little concerned in spite of himself.

"That's it, I need to use another method... something more visual, I think. Smoke, Mirror Pool, or Crystal Ball?" Icarus asked.

"You're the expert," Remus reminded him.

"Very well, we'll try the smoke," Icarus decided, opening his incense chest and picking out the right ones.

"Just how is it that this works still, now that you are dead?" Remus inquired, watching as he set up the burners.

"Well, when it's something like this, it is the life force of the person getting the reading who supplies the actual vision. I am simply the instigator," Icarus explained. "No more crumbs on the table, if you please... simply relax and concentrate on the wisps of smoke."

"Very well," Remus said, and did what he was told. At first, he felt a bit silly. What did any of this have to do with anything? He wanted Icarus to help as an ex-Potion Master, not like this...

"Concentrate on the image we saw in the teacup," Icarus instructed. Remus glanced at the teacup again and set it down, closing his eyes. It was just another full moon... no, Icarus said it wasn't just any full moon. It wasn't even this full moon. It was the one after that. Did it really matter? To him they were all the same. "Yes, that's much better. Well done," Icarus said.

Curiously, Remus opened his eyes. Swirling in the smoke of the incense between them was an impressively large image of a carousel, rotating around a center column that was anchored by a large, dark sphere. Shapes of animals moved up and down, some with riders, and some without. And although both the mounts and images were shadowy silhouettes of smoke, he could tell which one was his, riding on the back of what he guessed was a stationary wolf. He knew the image well, he felt like this so often... on a carousel that never stopped. He even dreamed about it from time to time, and yet somehow these shadowed images seemed more menacing... that was when he noticed that the mounts without riders seemed to be looking outwards off the platform. Suddenly one of the mounts moved and the shadow blurred as it stretched out off the carousel then pulled back again. Remus stared in horror as it picked up another rider.

"Stop... we must stop it!" Remus stammered.

"If it could be stopped then, it already would have stopped," Icarus said quietly. "Look, another figure approaches."

"Oh no, I don't want to watch that again, let's end it here," Remus snapped.

"This one seems to be trying to climb on willingly," Icarus ventured.

"What?" Remus said, a chilling sensation going down his spine as he watched the small figure.

It seemed to be chasing it from the outside, like a child upset that the ride had started without them. All of the sudden, he saw a fight between two riders; it was his own shadow and the rider next to him who were in a struggle, as if trying to drag each other off their mounts. The shadow of Remus fell backwards and was nearly thrown off his mount, and as he struggled to get more of a handhold to save himself, the small figure scrambled onto the platform.

Just then, a large black cloud of smoke burped out of the incense, nearly obscuring the image altogether. When the cloud dissipated, the image reappeared, but the carousel was barely moving... was he imagining it, or was it actually going backwards? No, maybe he imagined that, Remus thought, as the carousel started moving closer to a normal pace. Remus searched for the small figure among the riders, but didn't see it at all. Where did it go? He focused his attention around the carousel then until he realized that a smoke ring had formed from the smoke cloud. At first, he thought it was a fence; but as the smoke became more detailed, he realized it was more small figures with their hands clasped between each other around the carousel. None of them seemed to be interested in going nearer. Instead, one by one, larger figures... parents perhaps, grabbed their hands and led them away from the carousel before the smoke finally began to fade away.

Remus leapt to his feet.

"What was that? What was that bit at the end? And what was that fight all about? And who was the small figure? And what about that smoke cloud? I thought it was a fluke of the incense, but now I think it was on purpose. What happened that it didn't want me to know about? Wait, it couldn't have been hiding from me, I was on the blasted carousel. I never left it. But did I imagine it, or did others actually manage to get off?" Remus demanded.

"Those are all very good questions," Icarus decided. "But I'm afraid at this point I have no more idea than you do about what the answers are. I will need to meditate on it for a few days, and I suggest you do the same."

"As if I could possibly meditate when there's a full moon less than a week away,"

"That's all right, it would appear that we have a month to ponder it. But it seems that things are just about to become interesting," Icarus predicted.