Steve spent the rest of the day on Tony's floor with him, after they woke up from their nap. He was too emotionally drained to do anything else. The other members of the team breezed through occasionally, but they didn't ask any questions. They would still be there tomorrow to do whatever they had planned, but today, Steve needed the reassurance of Tony's presence. His panic from earlier had faded, but there were still little bits of fear that were only mollified by a look or word or touch from Tony.
He listened to Tony talk about work and Pepper and whatever else he could think of. Steve talked about growing up, but stuck to the lighter topics. It was still hard, since even remembering the good stuff left him feeling wistful, but the more he talked about it, the easier it would get.
Bruce sent up salads for dinner, much to Tony's dismay. But then Clint sent up an apple pie, so Tony stopped complaining. They ate on the couch and watched action movies all night, with Tony critiquing their technology and science and Steve commenting on their fighting abilities. And when Tony fell asleep on his shoulder this time, Steve was content to stay just where he was.
Steve went back to living like he had the next day, feeling lighter now that the burden of that talk wasn't hanging over him anymore. He didn't realize the underlying dread it was causing until that feeling disappeared. Maybe talking things through instead of bottling everything up was a good idea? It seemed so simple when you put it like that, but it was much harder in execution. But the end result felt like it was worth it, no matter the effort it took.
He threw himself into helping Natasha with her toy drive, wrapping present after present and writing little notes for each one. Steve asked her about her past Christmases and he told her about his. He focused his attention on helping make everything perfect for Thor's first Christmas, since he'd never celebrated one, at least not on Earth. Clint started looking up cookie recipes, deciding to join in on his and Natasha's cooking experiments. He was surprisingly good at baking.
Bruce had all the bars made and personalized for the team and Tony made a robot to package them up for travel. Everyone had been as appreciative and touched as Steve was from that gesture. All in all, the rest of the year was shaping up to be a good one.
And then came the call from Shield.
"I think we went too heavy on the almond extract," Steve said, wiping a cookie crumb off his shirt.
"It may have a marzipan quality to it, but it's not bad," Tony shrugged, popping the rest of the cookie in his mouth. "I'd probably forgo the frosting though."
"We can give the rest to Thor. I don't think anything is too sweet for him," Steve chuckled, standing up and stretching. He was visiting Tony in his lab to let the other man try the latest baking creation. Clint was in obsessive cookie mode with Christmas only a week away, so Steve was always looking to pawn off some of the extras to the others. They decided to cook the whole Christmas meal themselves and Clint was determined to have his cookies be the star of the show.
The toy drive the weekend before had been a success, with Thor only making a few kids cry. Once he lowered his intensity, things ran smoother. It was so nice helping out the families who really needed it, giving out toys and canned goods, since Tony had made a few calls and partnered them up with a local food bank. He'd even tucked gift cards to grocery stores in each gift, all out of his own pocket. This was exactly the kind of thing Steve's mom would've been so thankful for, so he was honored to be able to give back in this way. But now the focus was on their own Christmas celebration.
They were going to have a big Christmas movie marathon on Christmas Eve, with pastries and hors d'oeuvres ordered in by Tony. Then Christmas day was going to have everyone cooking together and exchanging gifts. Steve was determined to enjoy the days as much as he could, instead of letting himself be melancholy. Focusing on sadness wouldn't make anything better, so why do it?
"You're telling me," Tony scoffed, tightening a screw in one of his machines. "I once caught him snacking on sugar cubes. Had to sic Bruce on him for that."
"Is that the day he only ate brown rice and vegetables?"
"Yeah, didn't take," Tony laughed, ducking down to inspect his work.
"I'll let you get back to it," Steve said, backing toward the door. "Are we still on for the jacuzzi later?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Tony agreed, waving a hand in goodbye.
"Pardon the interruption, but Director Fury is on the line. He says it's urgent," Jarvis said. Both of them froze, sending each other similar looks of surprise. Steve had been thinking more and more about broaching the topic of getting back into the world saving game, but he'd always hesitated bringing it up to anyone. He figured it wouldn't be a good idea to force himself to go back before he was ready, especially if there wasn't anything they were specifically needed for. But if Fury was calling right now, out of nowhere, there had to be something big going down.
"Put him through," Tony sighed, tapping his fingers on the table.
"Stark, we need you all on this one," Fury boomed through the speaker.
"Well, hello to you too. You don't call, you don't write."
"I don't have time for this. Is the team ready or not?" Fury snapped.
"We're ready, sir. What's the situation?" Steve answered before Tony could rile the man up anymore.
"Captain Rogers, good to hear you sounding better. I'd ask you how you've been, but this matter is pressing and we don't have the time for pleasantries."
"You've never been pleasant in your life," Tony scoffed.
"What are we looking at?" Steve asked, ignoring the churning in his stomach. This is what he was made for. He could do this.
"A heavily armed militia has taken over a secret Shield site in Arizona. We need you to go in there and bring them down, hopefully alive so we can get some answers as to how they found out about this place," Fury explained.
"Sounds like a pretty basic mission. Why can't your normal agents take care of it?" Tony asked.
"This call is coming from above my head, Stark. There are some important people and important things in that place that need to be taken care of. That's what this initiative was created for," Fury growled.
"Well-"
"We're on it," Steve agreed, cutting off any further arguments from Tony.
"Good. Coordinates and any other information I have will be sent to your jet," Fury said, hanging up immediately.
"What the hell was that?" Tony asked, staring up at him.
"What choice do we have?" Steve sighed. He didn't want to go either, but how could he say no?
"Staying home is a choice. Telling Fury to send some of his other highly trained professionals is a choice."
"And doing our jobs is a choice as well."
"A possibly stupid choice!" Tony shot back, raking a hand through his hair. "Do you really think it's a good idea to go back out there before you're ready?"
"How am I supposed to know if I'm ready or not? Who gets to determine that?"
"I don't know," Tony groaned, staring down at the table for his next words. "Maybe you should sit this one out and let the rest of us go?"
"You can't be serious!" Steve gasped, rearing back in shock. "You think I'm going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs while you all risk your lives? There is no way you're benching me."
"Isn't that what you did to Bruce? And what you tried to do with all of us?"
"That was different. I was trying to protect you!"
"Which is what I'm doing! God Steve, things have been going so well. I don't think I'll be able to stand it if something sets you back," Tony yelled, slumping in exasperation. Steve felt all the anger leave him. He knew Tony was only worried about him, and he truly appreciated it, but he couldn't stay behind. That would be setting a dangerous precedent.
"Tony, I understand what you're saying, but I have to do this. I can't think of anything worse than you all going and something bad happening while I was sitting here doing nothing. That is something I won't be able to come back from," Steve said, walking around the table to stand next to Tony. "We knew this day was coming, and while it's probably sooner than any of us wanted, we can't do anything about that. But it's not the same as it was before. We aren't a group of people stuck together on a team, we're family. And we'll be able to support each other, no matter what happens."
"Fuck your pep talks," Tony grunted, pulling Steve into a tight hug. Steve fell into the embrace, absorbing as much strength from the other man as he could. "You have to promise me you'll be careful. And no bullshit taking on more than you should to keep the rest of us out of danger. We all have skills and jobs to do."
"I promise," Steve said, nodding against Tony's shoulder. Tony pulled back, staring Steve in the eye one last time before they split up to get ready.
"You're telling the rest of the team."