A/N: A little conversation between Harm and Mac about two of my most hated characters on the show!

Match Made in Hell

Harm hears Mac's door slam and he glances over to see a blur of summer whites scurrying away from her office. He laughs to himself, 'I wonder what the Lieutenant did to incur her wrath this time?' He wants to immediately satisfy his curiosity and head over to her office, but he knows damn well that he'd better give her a few moments to herself to decompress or she will likely fire some of her irritation at him as well. Having been on the receiving side of her frustrations more than once, Harm has honed his skills on how to deal with her when she's angry.

Harm slides his chair back, stands up to stretch his back, and heads over to the bottom drawer of his filing cabinet to see if he has any peace offerings left that might actually be edible. He had moved them from his desk drawers to the filing cabinet after the mice had gotten into the drawers over the winter and torn all his previous stores to shreds. Who knew that mice even liked chocolate? Certainly not him; he thought they were only attracted to cheese. Apparently when hungry enough they will go after whatever they can find, including Bud's "brain nuts." The mere thought of those things makes him shudder. Although he prides himself on eating healthy, even he has his limits!

Unfortunately, Harm learned the hard way that the mice had no problems getting into a locked filing cabinet either. His current strategy involves putting all snacks in a medium sized plastic container which is then placed in an empty larger plastic box before being set in the cabinet. Yes, he knows it might be overkill, but he learned a long time ago that a little chocolate goes a long way with an irate Marine. Well, that along with a good cup of sludge. And his Marine would certainly appreciate his thoughtfulness since Hershey's Symphony bars with toffee aren't very easy to find anymore.

Finding the bars intact, he slides one of her favorite confections into his pocket, and heads to the breakroom to make her java just the way she likes it. He purposely makes a new pot, giving her an extra few minutes to simmer down, and pours her a piping hot fresh mug knowing that she will appreciate the gesture. Armed with a cup of brew that faintly smells like skunk to him, and the sweet confection nestled in his pants, he feels properly equipped for battle and heads towards her office.

Harm knocks on her door, and can hear her exasperated sigh before announcing a curt, "Enter." In his mind, he can easily picture her with her head laying on the back of the chair staring at the wall. A position he definitely won't find her in when he opens the door, she will have already put her Marine armor back on.

He strides in, kicking the door shut behind him, and finds her sitting perfectly at her desk with a pen in one hand. He sits in one of her guest chairs, carefully pulling the candy bar from his pocket, and slides both gifts across her desk.

She raises one brow in that cute little fashion of hers that makes his heart flutter a little each time she does it, "Coffee and chocolate? What did you do this time, Sailor?"

He gives her a sly grin, "Me? I'm not the one slamming doors around here. It sounded like you could use a little pick me up. What's going on, Mac?"

She takes a long draw of the coffee, savoring the bitter taste for a moment before jumping up to pace, "I really have no idea what I am going to do with that man! He has absolutely no respect for women, no respect for senior officers, and no respect for the law!"

Harm nods, knowing that he was right in his early assumption, "I see that Vukovic strikes again. Dare I ask what he did this time?"

Mac bites her lower lip before explaining, "Besides undressing me with his eyes, that little weasel invited me to dinner at his place. Told me that we needed to go over our strategy to ensure an acquittal like this is my first case out of law school and I have no idea how to defend a client!"

Harm tries to keep his hands that have curled into fists out of her line of vision. Now he would like to pin that weasel to the closest wall himself! Clearing his throat he responds, "Perhaps you should remind him that you were already practicing law while he was still in diapers. This isn't your first rodeo. It's something with these young bucks. They think they know absolutely everything, and have no respect for those that came before them! And the sad part is you can't even argue with them because the sheer amount of bullshit they are spewing is so overwhelming. I think he needs a crash course in humility; neither Mayfield or Graves act that way. Maybe I should drop a subtle hint that when all he could do was poop, eat, and cry we were successfully defending clients and if he stopped fawning over himself long enough to listen, he might actually learn a thing or two."

Mac stops her pacing and snorts at Harm in disbelief, "Not likely! The only thing that man listens to is the sound of his own voice. You actually think it's because he is so young? Be careful counselor, that could be considered age discrimination."

Harm laughs, "Ha! You know the law as well as I do. According to The Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967: age isn't a discriminating factor until you are over the age of forty. It is most definitely because of his age, or at the very least related to it. When I was that young, I was cocky, brash, and arrogant too. Thought that the world should fall at my feet; especially women. Well, all of them except one. I didn't want her anywhere near me even if she hadn't been my senior officer."

Mac chuckles, "Oh, somehow I don't think that many of those things have changed all that much. Other than the way you view Krennick."

Harm raises his brows to his hairline, silently encouraging her to explain herself.

She smiles softly, "You have matured, most definitely. But you can still be arrogant, and even cocky sometimes. And I'm positive that your date card would be full if you so choose. Women still fall at your feet or at least swoon over you; you just don't pay enough attention!"

Harm shoots her a pained expression. She really should know the magnitude of his feelings towards her by now. He thought that he had made his intentions clear at the Admiral's retirement. "Not a chance in hell. There is only one woman I am interested in dating, and she isn't ready yet. I told her I would always be here and I meant it. When she is ready, she will just have to let me know."

Mac sits down in the chair next to him and glances into his ever-expressive eyes as she takes his hand in between hers, "It won't be too much longer, Sailor. Provided I don't end up in the brig for murder first."

Harm laughs, "Should I look for his head rolling across the bullpen later after you have decapitated him?"

Mac deadpans, "Nah, that head isn't the part I would consider chopping off."

Harm gulps audibly before eking, "Remind me never to get on your bad side, Marine. I'd like to keep all of my own parts intact."

Mac gestures towards the gifts he brought her, "I don't think you need to worry too much, Harm. You might know the buttons to push to fire me up, but you also know the ones to get back in my good graces." She continues with a twinkle in her eye, "Besides, I can't very well mangle any parts of you that I might want to use for my own pleasure at a later date, now can I?"

Harm feels his pants tighten at her blatant insinuation. He needs to get out of here quickly before it's too late. He takes his hand back and states, "I think it's time I got back to work in my own office before another Sailor ends up on the bad side of a Marine today."

Mac inwardly laughs at Harm being afraid of General Cresswell as they both stand up, "Thanks, Harm. For listening, for the coffee, for the scrumptious chocolate bar, and for just being you."

He pulls her into his arms, hugging her tightly, for just a moment, "Always, Marine. And on the off chance you need help burying Vukovic's body, I'll still be there. If memory serves correctly, you aided and abetted once, I'd just be returning the favor."

Mac shakes her head as she steps back, "Nah. Our little talk gave me a better idea. If he ever does something this stupid again, I will just have to come up with a reason for the General to send him to Pearl for a little while and allow the chips to fall where they may."

Harm grins following her trail, "Pearl, huh?"

Mac chuckles, "Yep. With his looks and her brains or vice versa, it ought to be a match made in hell."

Harm groans, "While I don't like you using the terms of our agreement regarding our future offspring in relation to those two terrible people, I have to agree that they would be perfect for each other.; Mr. and Mrs. Slime."