Chapter 43 – I Never Really Had Much Faith
Glancing down at the photograph Itachi requested he took for him, Sasuke sent it straight to their mother (with permission, of course). In his arms were the twins before they were whisked away, bundled up in their pink and blue blankets, the peace and love found in Itachi's expression belying the warzone that was his mind, simultaneously easing the insufferable anxiety that'd plagued Sasuke since Sakura's waters broke.
He breathed out a weighted sigh and lowered himself into the waiting area's seats, hand running up his face tiredly. Although there was nothing more than a pitiful excuse of a cushion beneath him that'd never seen a moment of plumping in its life, after those tortuous few hours with Sakura and Itachi, it felt as luxurious as his own bed.
He'd just watched the births of his niece and nephew.
Surreal. All of it. It was all so fucking surreal.
What's more, Itachi was a spectacular mess – how Sasuke had never seen that side of him before, he wasn't entirely sure. He'd caught glimpses of it, of course, but nothing that even reached a fraction of the state he'd been in during the labour. It was always haunted expressions or growing silent and pale suddenly, getting lost in his thoughts. Those kinds of things. Never full blown dissociation and almost panic attacks when he came round. It…
Witnessing it had almost been terrifying, because what if somebody tried to drag him out of it and he snapped? Sasuke heard of the horrors his brother had faced in ANBU (although he knew it wasn't everything he'd gone through), so what if his instinctive response had been to defend himself? What if he was so lost in his mind that he attacked someone out of what he thought to be self-preservation? What if it'd been Sakura? Could it be Sakura when it happened in the future?
Previously, Sasuke had wholeheartedly believed Itachi would never do anything to harm her, that he would rather die than hurt her, but seeing how out of it he was, seeing the physical effect it had on him forced him to see everything differently, because in that state, he wasn't Itachi and he sure as hell wasn't thinking logically. She was at a serious risk.
He needed professional help, but how was he supposed to bring a subject like that up, when it was painfully obvious Itachi was ashamed of it? And Sasuke knew Sakura would have tried her hardest to help him too. If she couldn't help, what chance did he stand?
"Yo."
Sighing as the blond came to sit beside him, Sasuke murmured, "Yo."
The awkwardness in the air around them was draining. Had been since he made the godawful mistake of kissing him back at Obito's bachelor party, rather than laughing it off.
Alcohol had played a major factor in Naruto's making a move, he knew that, but Sasuke couldn't deny that he'd felt that urge for a while up until that point – that urge only grew more intense when Naruto whined and complained about the distance between them both physically and mentally after his choosing to study abroad, and how much he missed him and wanted him to come home, making him face the gaping hole he also experienced in his absence. However, despite his feelings, it was Naruto who kissed him, stunning them both.
Why the blond even cared, he was unsure. It made him sound bitter, Sasuke knew it did, but it wasn't like they'd been as close as they once were before he'd left for Suna. Naruto spent all of his time with Hinata, barely even finding one day a week to hang out. Their friendship consisted of texts and speaking over headset as they played games late at night, like he was nothing more than somebody to fall back on when Hinata wasn't around and Naruto grew bored.
If they drifted, it was Naruto's fault, not his.
Did he regret it? Sure. Naruto was his oldest, closest friend and Sasuke was not ashamed to admit he loved him. Of course he loved him. But over time that love grew, warping into something he couldn't wholly understand and what made it worse, was that it appeared only he experienced the change. To Naruto, nothing ever changed – didn't even notice because of his infatuation with Hinata.
Not until he moved away.
"How are they all?" Naruto asked quietly, the discomfort in his tone biting at Sasuke's already tightly wound nerves.
"The babies have been taken for testing to see if there's any medical issues. Sakura's exhausted but seems to be recovering well."
Itachi's broken, he added mentally though didn't say out loud, knowing that in that moment, nobody would really be looking at him.
Naruto blinked a few times before looking to him in disbelief, demanding, "Wait, you were in there with her?"
He truly hadn't wanted to be at first. At first, Sasuke cringed at the position he'd unintentionally landed himself in, completely unprepared for the messiness of everything going on around him (although understanding it was a thousand times better than Naruto being by her side). But then he'd noticed Sakura's vulnerability and fear, had seen for himself that she couldn't go through with it alone (and he was so incredibly glad he'd stuck around – that first midwife would have had her in a dangerous level of panic and anxiety if it weren't for his talking her through it and he fully intended on pushing her into filing an official complaint). So, while planning on leaving the moment Itachi arrived, he'd stuck around. Even aided in the process of readying her for giving birth and allowed Sakura to more or less crush his hand during contractions.
Then Itachi had arrived, so pale and unsteady and Sasuke knew he couldn't leave them, secretly grateful when they asked that he stayed.
"Yeah," came his simple response, like it wasn't as big of a deal as it really was.
Sasuke didn't believe that he would ever see Sakura in the same light again – not even because of seeing her naked, either. It was all so… indescribably raw that his mind couldn't really process anything other than the messiness. Hell, his brother's children were brought into the world and all he could think about was that his shoes were covered in her blood, blood that'd seemingly spurted out of her noisily and with such intensity that it sent Itachi spiralling all over again.
"And…?"
Sasuke resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "And what? What do you want me to say?"
Undeterred, Naruto questioned, "Was it gross?"
He huffed. "Immensely."
Out of respect for Sakura and knowing how greatly her parents' abuse still affected her, he remained close to her head until there really was no other choice than to move out of the midwives' way when they'd needed to inject her. The image of his niece's head crowning, covered in blood and whatever the hell that other stuff had been, stretching Sakura in what seemed to him as unnaturally wide, had turned his stomach so sharply he was kind of glad Itachi was dissociating, because like hell his brother could handle that when just hearing her blood dripping had knocked him sideways.
"Was there loads of blood?"
"Pints."
"Pints?" he repeated with a low whistle. "But she's okay though, right? It's not enough to make her sick, right?"
He shook his head at his second question, though couldn't find the best response to the first. Mentally, Sakura wasn't okay either, and it'd become painfully obvious that she was falling into that reckless habit of putting another's well-being before her own – for fuck's sake, she was in full blown labour and still trying to ease Itachi's suffering. Sasuke loved his brother and wanted nothing more than to help him, but it couldn't be at Sakura's expense. They'd both been through shit that needed dealing with appropriately, maybe even individually.
But how the hell did he bring that up?
Kakashi was likely his best option for Sakura. Although legally an adult now, he was still her adoptive father and Sasuke knew she respected and cherished him. If there was ever a person who she listened to more than anyone, it was undoubtedly Kakashi.
As for Itachi, the intervention would probably be from himself or Shisui – maybe even both, considering how hard-headed he could be at the best of times. Tag-teaming was probably their best bet.
"What do they look like?"
Weird. Kind of gross. They were grey and covered in strange liquids that made the clean freak within himself rear its head, especially when Sakura so brazenly held them and didn't think twice about it being smeared all over her chest.
"Like Itachi," he told him, recollecting the baby photo albums his mother treasured. After news of Sakura being pregnant, she'd repeatedly flicked through them, showing Sasuke whenever he returned during breaks. "They both had dark hair too, from what I could tell."
Alongside those photo albums, his mother retrieved other sentimental items from storage, tearing up on several occasions as she went through them all fondly. There were rattles, their first outfits, a snippet of their hair when it was first cut, favourite comforters, drawings and paintings, little letters telling her how much they loved her, Mother's Day cards – the works.
Despite their beliefs of how easily Mikoto allowed her son to be disowned, she not only argued with Fugaku on a regular basis, but frequently asked Sasuke for updates on Itachi. His former room (that still held his belongings, as she'd all but thrown a fit when Fugaku tried to throw it all away) was filled with baby gifts and clothes, though she had yet to pluck up the courage to hand them over, fearing rejection.
As much as Sasuke wanted to tell Itachi how badly their mother missed him and regretted all that'd happened, he knew it was not his place. His brother was hurt by their father's actions, but Mikoto's acceptance of them devastated him, that devastation increasing exponentially when he was dragged through hell repeatedly and she remained distant. Did Sasuke want his family back together? Yes, desperately. But his selfish needs were nothing in comparison to Itachi's heartbreak. He needed time to heal.
"Well, that sucks," huffed Naruto and he threw his hands up, sitting back abruptly. "I had a bet with Ino that at least one of them would have pink hair."
Idiot. Hadn't he seen how prominent the Uchiha genes were? How they all had dark hair and eyes and sharp features?
The tension in the air between them was more obvious the longer their strained conversation went on for and part of Sasuke longed to return to the torture scene that was Sakura's birthing suite.
Coming out to Naruto the way he had wasn't… It didn't feel right. It hung awkwardly between them and he knew the blond well enough to know it had him questioning their interactions leading up to and after their drunken kiss.
"So…"
Leave it, he wanted to say – plead, even.
Sasuke knew Naruto wasn't homophobic in the least, but he did shy away from male attention and had freaked out over it in the past. After he'd kissed him, it led Sasuke to believe the freak outs were because he was attracted to men too and was defensive over it, but it didn't lessen the way he cringed at the thought of Naruto changing the way he acted around him now.
"How did you and that guy meet?"
Say his name, Sasuke inwardly snarled, bristling as Gaara was once more referred to as that guy. "Do you really want to know?"
Meeting Gaara was a game changer for him, their meeting completely by chance and full of clichés. He'd happened across an injured animal that was quickly dehydrating and having grown up aiding his mother with animals rescues every so often, he'd taken the raccoon straight to the animal sanctuary everyone banged on about, unable to leave it suffering. The original plan was to drop the animal off and continue with exploring what Suna had to offer before classes started the week after, but it was Gaara who greeted him at the sanctuary and… Well, he'd been curious, especially when the redhead openly flirted with him, displaying interest in such a confident way that it shook him.
Comforted by the fact none of his family or friends were in Suna to witness his experimenting, Sasuke didn't hold back in finally wading into the urges he'd viciously shoved down in the past, albeit, never in public. Thankfully, Gaara respected his wishes to remain secretive.
"…You like him, right?
Saying he liked him didn't feel like enough, but because Sasuke was still struggling to understand himself and his feelings, he said somewhat reluctantly, "Yeah."
Naruto offered him a small, awkward smile, saying quietly, "Then I wanna know all about him."
But much to his gratefulness, their conversation was interrupted by his cousin's arrival and Sasuke breathed an inward sigh of relief, shoulders sagging. He simply wasn't ready for those kinds of conversations. Unlike Gaara who exuded confidence and embraced his sexuality without a care for what others thought, Sasuke couldn't. He just couldn't.
"You're still here?" he questioned Shisui as he approached, frowning.
"I decided I couldn't go home without hearing how they're all doing," came his simple response.
He didn't buy it. Despite what Shisui and Itachi liked to believe, they weren't completely unreadable and had many tells, if one knew where to look. The former happened to touch his hair in some way before he lied, and just as Shisui replied, he'd scratched the back of his head.
What happened? Was it about Hidan's girlfriend? Was she still outside and unconscious? The promise of keeping it from Itachi made Sasuke hesitate in questioning his cousin, particularly after witnessing how bad his mental health had declined. But the situation was growing progressively risky and there were now two defenceless premature babies that Hidan already knew way too much about.
"Cut the crap," Sasuke shocked Naruto by snapping, but didn't care to look at the blond as he stared at him with his mouth agape. "Why are you really here?"
Whether it was because he'd been called out without a shred of hesitancy or because he believed him to be mature enough to finally be allowed in on the adult conversations, Shisui sighed, telling him quietly, "Hidan was outside just now."
Naruto was on his feet in an instant, almost making Sasuke scoff. What the hell was he going to do, exactly? Even before they knew the dark truth about Hidan's past and how disgusting he really was, Naruto was never capable of standing up to him. Sakura had always come to his rescue.
"Was?" he repeated.
Nodding gravely and glancing around in a way that unsettled Sasuke massively, Shisui said, "ANBU intercepted him."
Was he…?
"Is he dead?" demanded Naruto, swallowing.
His looking away in frustrated disappointment had a weight sinking in Sasuke's stomach and he gritted his teeth, itching to reach for his phone.
"He got away," he surmised.
"…Yeah."
How the fuck was one guy causing so much trouble for not only Konoha's ANBU, but Suna's also? Just who was Hidan outside of being a sick psychopath who preyed on children?
"What the hell?" came Naruto's loud yell of frustration, hands running through his hair. "How does he keep getting away?"
The paling of Shisui's features had Sasuke's eyes narrowing dangerously. "What is it?"
"…Hidan has people working in the hospital."
His hands fell limp by his sides, a sudden burst of helplessness exploding within his chest for his family.
That was how Hidan managed to escape tricky situations that should have ended in either his capture or death. Backups for his backups, like filling the hospital with his lackeys who would lash out should anything happen to him.
"ANBU got a good look at the majority of their faces," Shisui continued at their helpless silence, but it did little to ease the weight.
"But not all of them," muttered Naruto, eyebrows mashing together harshly.
Shutting his eyes, Shisui shook his head.
Sighing at the name on his phone's screen as it rung obnoxiously, he reached out, answering swiftly with a "What happened?"
Allowing his boyfriend to leave with the guy he'd kissed rubbed him the wrong way and consequently put him in a foul mood, but he knew that trying to put a leash on Sasuke was definitely not the way to go about it. There was no use in trying to control another in a relationship. If they were going to stray, they would stray. Trying to prevent it could push him away and that was the last thing he wanted.
"I don't care about protocols. The three of you need to get to the hospital now, Gaara."
Gaara frowned at that and sat up, tipping his chin in the direction of their masks when his siblings looked to him curiously, silently ordering them to change into the uniforms and since they knew not to question him, they rushed to complete their orders. So that he could change also, he put his boyfriend on loudspeaker, warning him of that fact.
"What happened?" Gaara repeated, more seriously that time.
"Sakura had the babies."
Although only half dressed, Temari was the first to return as she rushed back into the room at his words, features set in a grim mask as she glared down at the phone, tugging her shirt on in jerky motions. "Are they okay?"
Eyeing her for only a moment, he grabbed his armour, buckling it into place. He'd learned not to question whether Temari's emotions would get in the way of their mission, for it was what drove her so hard. Both he and Kankuro had quickly learned that being in ANBU and taking down Hidan was what got her up most days, that need to avenge the life she'd nurtured for nine months the sole thing keeping her going.
She'd wanted so desperately for her son to have a better life, to succeed and be loved, believing herself to be incapable of giving him such things. There was no denying she loved him – she displayed it in the way she cradled him so close to her chest after the birth, showed it with her tears as she handed him over to his adoptive parents, kissing him for the first and last time as she wished him to have a happy life.
But Hidan had stolen that life that she'd created and had been so desperate to protect.
That didn't make her reckless, though. It didn't make her a liability. No, it was what made Temari the fearsome soldier that gained the respect of the others in Suna's ANBU, despite her being so much younger, despite her being less experienced, despite her being one of only a handful of women over the past few decades to work for them. She used her grief to push herself, to better herself, all in order to take down the monster that had snuffed out the light of the child she'd loved so deeply, regardless of how he came to be.
"As far as I'm aware," he replied, then said more angrily, "Hidan has people working in the hospital for him."
She froze at that, teal eyes wide.
Gaara grabbed his mask and katana.
"Does your brother know?" questioned Kankuro as he returned.
"…No."
Something happened. Even though the other two couldn't hear it, he could tell by the slight tinge of concern that clung to Sasuke's words and it had Gaara's eyes narrowing, understanding already without it needing to be said.
It'd become apparent to him within days of being in Konoha that Uchiha Itachi was heading down a dark path. Mentally, he was hanging by a thread, displaying similar signs to what Temari had following her brutal rape – her PTSD something he could never forget or miss if he happened to see the signs in another. His squad was no longer respecting his orders and fought against his decisions, no doubt due to Itachi's blatantly wavering loyalties. More than that, he'd witnessed his mindset during their short mission together. It was reckless and dangerous and not solely due to taking on almost sixty of Hidan's lackeys.
"Don't you think you should–"
He interrupted his brother without a care, telling Sasuke, "We'll be there soon."
"They're in the NICU," he said as a goodbye, hanging up.
They were out of their apartment in full uniform in less than thirty seconds, managing to evade the other residents of the building as they rushed to the car. Sneaking around in the shadows was second nature to them now and they'd yet to be discovered by a civilian, though they didn't allow that to make them sloppy or cocky.
He noticed his sister sitting on the edge of her seat as they neared the hospital, muscles rigid with her unease.
"What's the plan, Gaara?" Kankuro asked.
Konoha's ANBU was stationed at the hospital already – he knew that after happening to scope the place out following Sakura's admission there. From what Gaara could tell, they remained there overnight, watching over her as she lay defenceless in her hospital room, making up for the fact Itachi couldn't stay with her outside of visiting hours.
Working alongside them was imperative if they wanted to be successful in protecting the babies.
"Hidan isn't the concern right now," Gaara muttered lowly and he noticed part of Temari relaxing at his words, the minute tilt of her head in his direction indicating her thanks. "Our main concern is taking out the rats and ensuring the safety of the twins."
"And if he sends more to take their place?" she asked quietly.
"Then we exterminate those too."
Sniffing them out wouldn't be impossible, but it would take time – a luxury they potentially didn't have. So in the meantime, an alternating watch was necessary, although that in itself posed a problem seeing as Uchiha Itachi was infamous even in Suna, and remaining hidden from him would prove difficult, bordering on impossible. Despite Sasuke's wishes to keep Itachi in the dark for the sake of his brother's mental well-being, there was no way to keep it from him. Doing so could potentially trigger or worsen his PTSD and anxiety.
Inhaling deeply and preparing himself for a difficult order (though refusing to show that he hesitated), he ordered of his sister, "Temari, you will be stationed at the NICU. Familiarise yourself with the regular medical providers and report to us should you find anyone who seems suspicious. Do not hesitate to take out any risks."
And like the professional he knew her to be, Temari nodded once, saying, "Understood."
"Kankuro, we'll be working with Konoha on this."
"Got it."
Under his sister's protection, the twins would be undoubtedly safe and Gaara knew she wouldn't hesitate in putting down a threat. Her gut instinct was powerful and enviable, always giving them an edge on their missions. More than that, she knew the pain of losing a child and to that bastard in particular, increasing her drive to protect innocent lives with everything she had. It was why he trusted her explicably in that moment.
There was no one better for the job.
"Let's go," he ordered when they arrived.
At the arrival of Suna's ANBU, Kakashi moved out of the shadows, though wisely did not stand in her way as Temari made a beeline for the NICU. Instead, already catching the gist of their plans, he met Gaara and Kankuro halfway, nodding once in acknowledgement.
Working with Suna should have been unnerving for him, but he couldn't find a reason to be uneasy working with the trio when it was apparent two of them cared deeply for Sakura, when it was clear that all three of them cared for Sasuke just as deeply. As though that wasn't enough: how could he not trust the woman who was willing to sacrifice herself to try and defend his adoptive daughter? Or the man who'd taken it upon himself to often hang out with Sakura when Itachi was not present, even running by the hospital during the night to check on things?
"Thanks for helping," he said in way of greeting.
The shorter of the two, who he knew to be Gaara, nodded once. His raccoon styled mask was splattered with faded blood, like he hadn't tried hard enough to wash it away or it was part of the style. Going off the rumours surrounding said mask, he leaned more towards the former.
"Our teammate is watching over them personally," Gaara informed him blandly. "We're here to aid you in eliminating Hidan's lackeys."
Good. The combined efforts and abilities would aid in lessening the time taken, meaning a decrease in risk against Sakura and her babies. To cover them during the time it would take, Temari would stand between the twins and Hidan, striking down anyone who posed a threat.
With their joining forces bettering their outcome, Kakashi felt a small chunk of the weight in his heart shift, crumbling away.
"I've dealt with the faces I could pick out from the group who revealed themselves and for the others, I requested bank statements and savings account statements. We should receive them shortly."
By checking the bank statements of the workers, they could check for inconsistencies or odd spending habits. Working for Hidan alongside their jobs at the hospital meant they received two lots of money, the former no doubt in cash to keep their criminal activities on the downlow. Many slipped up there, choosing to spend the cash rather than their legitimate paycheque, leaving it to sit in the banks, untouched.
"What about background checks?"
"Also requested," Kakashi told them. "Unfortunately, that means a waiting game in the meantime. We can't risk civilian casualty."
As much as it killed him inside not going on the offensive to assure Sakura's safety, Kakashi knew he couldn't abandon his beliefs by interrogating or taking anyone out simply because they seemed suspicious. By going with such a brutish move, the chances of civilian casualty was much too high.
Having Temari watching over the family eased his anxiety slightly, however.
Too bad it did nothing for his rage.
Fuck, he'd been so goddamn close to ending it once and for all, to taking Hidan out and giving Sakura and Itachi the peaceful life they so desperately deserved and longed for. But as Itachi had warned him many times in the past: Hidan fought dirty and knew how to get out of a difficult situation, always using civilians as his shield. By planting his lackeys throughout the hospital, by using such a disheartening number of them, he'd assured his safety because they didn't know who the fuck to trust anymore and the risk was too great to call his bluff. Even if they couldn't get close to Sakura or the twins, there was every chance they could randomly turn on civilians, turning the hospital into a bloodbath with the sheer number of his lackeys.
The hatred he'd experienced at the meeting of their eyes had threatened to overwhelm him, knowing that that was the bastard torturing his friend and his adoptive daughter and getting away with it too. Instinct wanted Kakashi to lash out the moment they locked gazes, to take him out there and then, but he was so fucking glad he'd held back, sticking with the plan of discovering his thought process.
What would have happened to his family if he hadn't?
Jaw clenching in response to the flare of rage within him, Kakashi turned, saying over his shoulder, "We'll go and check CCTV. It should have caught at least a few of their faces."
To lessen the strain of the ANBU operatives there and knowing he was only getting in the way, Naruto reluctantly returned home, knowing Sakura would be safe in ANBU's watchful gazes but sighing irritably the whole way there as he was shoved into the back of Shisui's cruiser. It was bullshit that Sasuke was able to sit up front, he'd whined repeatedly, only for the older Uchiha to laugh him off. Sasuke straight up ignored him.
Things were strained between them – had been since Obito's bachelor party. Shit, he just wanted to tear his hair out thinking about how badly he'd fucked everything up. What was he even thinking? Him? Kissing Sasuke? His lifelong best friend who was more like a brother to him? What the hell was wrong with him?
Like that wasn't bad enough, but he'd devastated Hinata and recalling the way he'd seen her heart break as he called things off had him feeling even shittier. No matter what Naruto was doing, no matter where he was or who he was with, he saw the way her expression fell, how tears had immediately started up. What hurt the most, however, was seeing the knowing glint in her tearful eyes, like Hinata had seen it coming all along.
Once in his home, Naruto retrieved his phone from his pocket. Due to being in the hospital and the signal being atrocious, he hadn't received his message until he'd hung up on Itachi, and obviously Sakura was the main concern at that point. His drama couldn't come first and even if it could, Naruto wasn't sure what to even say in response, so had jumped at the chance of procrastinating.
I know it has been weeks and this will come across as masochistic of me, but I feel like everything spiralled so quickly out of hand. I need closure. Please can we talk, Naruto-kun? – H.
What killed him was that he knew the only reason why the text came weeks after their breakup was because it'd taken Hinata weeks to pluck up the courage to send it. For weeks, she needed closure yet agonised over asking about it, her anxiety silencing her and stopping every attempt.
Before getting to know her, Naruto hadn't understood Hinata's stuttering or constant blushing in the slightest, always believing it to be because she liked him too. But it was so much bigger than that and only a few weeks into their friendship, Naruto had hated himself for trivialising her suffering because holy shit, Hinata's anxiety was a killer. Not the same as Sakura's – they couldn't have been further apart if they'd tried – but her panic and anxiety attacks were just as frequent (shocking him because until they got together, he hadn't realised they were two different attacks, since Sakura only suffered with the former), just as immobilising.
Not just because she deserved answers and closure, but also because he downright refused to let that anxiety worsen, Naruto found his strength to respond to her text.
Do you want me to call you? Or you can come over? – N.
After receiving her answer, Naruto spent the following half an hour pacing the living room, repeatedly running his hands through his hair and glancing in the direction of the door.
Even though it wasn't what had him feeling uneasy and despite knowing that he deserved a beating, he kind of really hoped Neji didn't join her. The conversation they needed to have was… It was going to be difficult enough without having a guy who hated his guts standing around and listening in, determined on beating the shit out of him the first chance he got.
She deserved the truth. All of it. Even the parts that made him cringe and hate himself, because what the fucking hell had he been thinking–
Naruto damn near crapped himself when he saw movement from the corner of his eye, all but jumping to the other side of the room to put more distance between him and the intruder, still on edge after Hidan's sudden reappearance. Only to then laugh uneasily at himself when Akako huffed at him, apparently fed up with his pacing and disappearing into what was once Sakura's bedroom, Ken following after her dopily with a wagging tail.
He'd forgotten all about Sakura and Itachi's dogs staying with them, since they often chose to stay in their old bedroom (Kakashi said the pair could probably pick up on their scents and found it soothing, so he made sure to leave the bedroom door open for them). Chuckling, he rubbed at his face and shut the pair of them into the bedroom to keep them out of the way for Hinata's arrival, heart yet to return to an ordinary pace as it recovered from its fright.
Sakura-chan's a mom.
The thought was quick and came without warning, drying Naruto's throat as it was immediately accompanied by the image of Hidan's sickening grin, with the horrors he'd thrust upon so many innocent lives.
He'd always known that there was something off about Hidan. The guy always left a bitter taste in his mouth, his temperament – hell, his personality in general – making his skin crawl because it was so goddamn obvious that he was tapped. What Sakura saw in that bastard was a complete mystery, but Naruto refused to hold the relationship against her or think negatively of her for it. They all messed up.
Including him.
Just as Naruto managed to calm his heart from being spooked by Akako, it began racing at the dainty knock on the door, the final rap of her knuckles coming after a longer interval than the others. It told him without even seeing her that she was hesitating, perhaps even regretting her choice of coming.
"Hinata," he greeted quietly after opening the door, the sight of her standing before him causing his breath to catch.
As always, Hinata was stunning, though Naruto felt a burst of guilt in his chest as he looked closer. She was dressed casually with her hair tied back, skin paler than usual with the beginnings of dark circles around her eyes, like she hadn't slept much in the past few weeks. Not that it really surprised him, since Hinata once confessed in him that her anxiety caused bouts of insomnia, that she couldn't shut off at night. Considering she'd spent weeks agonising over asking for closure, it was a safe bet she'd hardly slept at all.
Her lips twitched like she was trying to smile, the connection of their gazes lasting barely half a second before she focused on his chest, eyebrows knitting together briefly. "N-Naruto-kun."
His heart lurched and fiercely, Naruto stomped back his wave of sadness.
He'd done that to her.
It'd been so long since she last stuttered around him or averted her gaze. During their relationship, she grew comfortable and confident in herself – around him, at least. She never feared sounding stupid or too forward, always following his example and diving straight into whatever they had planned. Now, once again, she couldn't hold eye contact.
"Come in," he told her and stepped back, ignoring the heavy sniffs from behind Sakura's old bedroom door that told him of Ken and Akako sensing Hinata's arrival.
Despite the conversation they were about to have, Naruto found himself feeling incredibly grateful for Hinata's presence as it soothed the anger and fear for his friends' and their babies' safety. She'd always been amazing at doing that, at helping him keep his head on straight and focus on the task at hand.
"Sakura-chan had the babies," he said in hopes of breaking the ice, trying to smile when she looked to him in shock.
"A-Already?" Hinata gasped. "How are they?"
He refused to tell her about Hidan, knowing without even thinking about it that it would trigger her anxiety massively. So far, Naruto couldn't protect any of his loved ones from Hidan and his maliciousness, but he could try with Hinata. He could protect Hinata, even if it was only from knowing of him and what that would provoke. He'd already fucked her over and set her back with her anxiety. Knowledge of who Hidan was and what he wanted to do to Sakura and her family would set her further back.
"The babies were incubated," Naruto answered with a heavy heart, sighing. "I don't know what's going on with them, but Sakura-chan's recovering well – I think."
While he didn't know what any of that stuff meant, he knew from the way others spoke of it that it was serious and not being a total idiot, he knew some babies died from being born too early.
Her demure nod had him hesitating in the living room before awkwardly gesturing to the sofas. Part of him (even though he knew he didn't really have any right to feel such a way) was hurt when Hinata chose to sit on a completely different sofa to him, sitting on the edge of her seat, hands fidgeting restlessly until she squeezed them together tightly, willing herself to show strength.
Shit, how did he start off the conversation?
The way he'd broken off their relationship was one of his biggest regrets, because it'd been abrupt. He'd been closed off and hadn't offered much of a reason behind it, essentially leaving Hinata in the dark, all because he couldn't stomach what he'd done. Then that need to get away had quadrupled at the sight of her tears, at her pleas of fighting for the relationship and–
His eyes stung, breath catching once more.
"You deserve more than that half-assed…" He trailed off, jaw clenching at the fierce way she fought back her tears at the reminder of how the breakup went down. "I'm… I…"
Fuck, she deserved so much better.
Even as his throat felt like it was closing up, trying to silence him, he pushed on, muttering, "I think I'm… I might…"
What was it that had her frowning in concern? Was it the shake in his voice? The shuddery deep breath? The helplessness he felt towards her agony? His own feelings of being so utterly lost written all over his features?
Whatever it was, Hinata wiped at her eyes, wearing that expression he loved so fucking much – the one that screamed she was refusing to lay back and take shit, the one that was so rare, it's rarity making it so otherworldly beautiful. In that moment, she was determined to hear him out, her love for him shining without hesitation at his own pain being displayed.
She deserved so, so, so much better than him.
"W-What is it, Naruto-kun?"
"I think…" Swallowing hard to fight the overwhelming nerves and shame, he wiped his sweaty palms down the length of his thighs and Naruto admitted quietly, "I think I'm into guys."
Shocking him, her heartbreak wasn't the prominent expression she wore, her sudden gasp of realisation and understanding flooring him. It was like he could see the cogs in her mind turning, like he could see all the pieces of the puzzle she had scrambled up before her, finally fitting together.
And there was no anger like he'd believed there could be. Part of her, albeit a tiny part, almost looked relieved.
"With Sasuke-kun," Hinata stated, not asked.
"I'm sorry," he told her, choking back the emotions threatening to overcome him. How the hell could he have hurt a girl like her? Squeezing his eyes shut, Naruto dropped his head into his hands. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Hinata."
"Naruto-kun… this is what has been hurting you for so long?"
He could only nod brokenly.
But having her joining him on the sofa and reaching out, pulling him sideways into her chest and embracing him so lovingly, was his undoing. It shattered the dam he had in place, leaving him to cling to Hinata as he sobbed his apologies for breaking her heart.
He didn't deserve her.
Itachi was thankful for Sakura's return to her room up on the maternity ward, because upon his return to the NICU after escorting her back, an alarm was sounding, the number for his daughter's incubator flashing on the screens spotted around the halls and nurses' station.
Part of him was desperate to have her there with him because Aina needed her mother in her moment of distress, but Itachi knew it was too much stress for Sakura to handle. Already, she was running on empty and he was wary of how far she was being stretched mentally, because what if it became too much and she relapsed? What if Sakura started throwing up again?
Seeing several midwives entering his children's room, Itachi followed closely on their heels, freezing at the sight before him.
Aina was out of her incubator and laid out on an examination table, looking so fragile as a doctor rubbed her chest soothing, whispering words of encouragement and hope.
The edges of his vision blurred.
"I'm sorry, you can't be in here–" one of the medics tried to tell him, hands already trying to usher him from the room.
"She's my daughter," he argued and stood strong, refusing to be removed, forcing himself to remain focused.
The alarm was echoing in his mind nauseatingly, amplified by the blueness of Aina's lips and Itachi felt his legs weakening frustratingly. Sakura's usual doctor, Kamiko, had informed them both that even with the steroid injection used to strengthen the babies' lungs, there was still a chance of developing newborn respiratory distress syndrome.
When Aina was born with a powerful cry that was able to blast through his dissociation, he'd foolishly assumed that she was okay, that the steroids had worked. There was that short lapse in her crying as she was cleaned by the healthcare assistants, but after that, she'd cried again. He'd thought that meant she was okay.
"Uchiha-san, I must insist–"
"I won't be in your way over here."
"It can be distressing–"
"I'm not leaving my daughter," he warned coldly.
Had she stopped breathing completely? It took him way too long to take note of the rapid rising and falling of Aina's chest, the sight of her nostrils flaring the next thing he noticed.
"Where's my oxygen?" the doctor demanded, continuing to try and soothe the baby who was struggling to breathe.
Itachi glanced around almost desperately, relieved when a midwife approached with the equipment necessary. Although his heart lurched at the sight of the ventilator, especially while witnessing how distressed Aina became as she was placed onto it, he reminded himself firmly that it was for the best. To give his daughter her best fighting chance, they had to use such contraptions.
"She's stabilising," the doctor said with a deep sigh of relief. "Thank the Gods!"
The Gods? Why? The Gods weren't the ones in control in that room – the doctor was. The midwives were. They were the ones putting their all into saving his daughter's life. It was their hands that her little life rested in. Not deities that'd failed him at every turn up until that moment – why would he trust them?
He never told Sakura of his deep disliking of religion, knowing how desperately she'd clung to it during her childhood. It was her safe haven, her way of feeling comforted and less lonely. So, although he didn't agree with the idea of there being Gods out there, he respected that she did and kept his mouth shut.
"Thank you," Itachi murmured earnestly as they fussed over Aina and settling her down into her incubator once more. "Is Minori at risk also?"
The doctor who'd saved his daughter's life turned to face him, offering him a small, relieved smile. "So far, we haven't seen any signs of respiratory distress, but I assure you my team and I will personally be keeping a close eye on them both until Kamiko-sensei returns from the birthing suite."
He nodded thankfully, eyes straying to his defenceless children.
Similarly to Sakura, Itachi felt beyond useless to them in their greatest moment of need and it caused a deep ache to resound in his chest because they needed him and he couldn't do a damn thing. All he could really do was feed Sakura and keep her hydrated as she expressed as much milk for them as possible, and he'd never felt more helpless in his life because of it.
Approaching him with kind eyes, the doctor suggested, "It would be best if you stepped outside for about half an hour, Uchiha-san. We will need to perform a few extra tests on them both to get a confirmation, as well as fit Aina-chan with a feeding tube." Smiling faintly, she added, "I suggest trying to eat something, if you can. That way you can keep up your strength for your children – they're going to need it."
There wasn't much else that he could really offer them, was there?
"Can I…?"
Only when given the okay to do so did Itachi thoroughly wash and dry his hands and approach his children and because Aina was yet to be placed under the lights once more, he reached out, the feeling of her soft, soft skin comforting him somewhat.
It was agonising being mere feet away from them but being unable to touch them. Itachi wanted nothing more than to hold his children, to repeat the promises he'd made throughout Sakura's pregnancy of protecting them and loving them always.
"I will be back shortly," he promised them, heart aching as he could only place a hand to Minori's incubator.
Approaching him quietly, wary of interrupting, the doctor offered, "I can arrange for you both to hold Minori-chan, if you'd like? Then, once Aina-chan's jaundice has been treated, we can switch her to a different incubator, one with gaps in the sides so that you can touch her."
He could only nod thankfully, but just as the doctor moved to walk away, he requested softly, "Please allow me to be the one who tells Sakura about Aina being placed on a ventilator."
Discomfort and indecision showed on her features, the woman grimacing and glancing around the room at the busy midwives. "It is hospital policy that we deliver news to patients directly–"
"Then allow me to be there," he relented. "Sakura is… She needs to rest, both physically and mentally." Itachi sighed deeply, gaze returned to his children, heart lurching at the sight of them so helpless and fragile. Aina was much smaller than Minori, lost amongst the contraptions hooked onto or into her. "I understand that reporting changes to her immediately is imperative, but please understand that she suffers from mental illnesses, including forcibly throwing up when she is feeling stressed out or as though she's not in control."
She nodded in understanding and offered Itachi a small smile. "As I previously suggested: go and get something to eat, Uchiha-san. Then you can meet me in, say, thirty minutes and we will see if Haruno-san is awake. I'm afraid I can't delay it for too long."
Thirty minutes was better than nothing, Itachi accepted reluctantly. He'd rather it was left for a few hours to allow her to sleep some more, because he knew the moment Sakura received the news of Aina's dip in health, she would refuse to leave the NICU. However, Itachi also knew that he would never forgive himself if the worst happened and Sakura never got the chance to be with Aina one last–
No.
No.
Aina was going to pull through.
Almost on autopilot, Itachi made his way to the small kitchen area at the end of the unit. It was there for parents of premature babies, granting them a space to retreat to when it became too much, allowing them to help themselves to tea and biscuits or toast. Another benefit of it being there was to allow said parents to get to know other parents of premature babies, to support one another as they understood one another's struggles.
It was empty when he entered, eyes languidly drifting to the clock on the far wall, barely even registering that it was just scraping midnight. Food was the last thing on his mind, so he helped himself to the water in the cooler, sitting down in one of the seats opposite the clock, plastic cup of water untouched as it remained in his limp grasp, watching as the hands ticked by at a tortuous pace.
He was…
He was useless.
Throughout the labour, he'd been useless to Sakura, unable to remain there mentally no matter how intensely he'd fought to. Had it not been for Sasuke's presence and the unwavering support both he and the medical staff gave her, she would have been alone during the labour – mentally and emotionally, that was.
And now he was useless when it came to his children. They couldn't even change their diapers, couldn't feed them, couldn't clean them up or hold them. Until they were stronger, until they were capable of keeping warm and breathing normally by themselves, then they were to remain in their incubators.
One of very few points that kept them sane at that moment in time was their unusual birthweight. According to Kamiko, premature babies notoriously weighed worryingly low numbers along the lines of two, perhaps three pounds. Minori boasted almost six whole pounds (explaining a little as to why Sakura had struggled so greatly throughout the pregnancy and made him wonder what his birthweight would have been, had they reached full term), which was partly why he was doing so well compared to his sister, who weighed barely five. Itachi wasn't sure why there was such a gap between their weights, though suspected it had something to do with different placentas. He would have to question someone about it.
A sign informed Itachi that he was able to use his phone in the resting area, and simply to pass the time, he retrieved his, waiting patiently as it started up once more.
He had mixed feelings for the text awaiting him, the sight of his mother's unsaved number creating a dull ache in his chest.
Thank you for the picture, Itachi. It has made my night seeing my son with his children. I hope you are all doing well. I love you.
Placing his cup on the seat beside him, Itachi sighed and leaned forward, focusing intently on the text and wondering whether he should reply to it.
Part of him wanted to hold onto his anger, to use it as protection rather than opening himself up to being hurt by his parents again. Being disowned had… It hadn't hurt too greatly in the beginning, what with everything going on, but as time went on and after discovering they were pregnant, after already being so intensely in love with his children even before meeting them, it festered in his mind and he couldn't help but wonder: did they care at all? Was he merely a tool to his parents?
Sakura is recovering, he started the reply, only to frown deeply, jaw setting. It took a few more minutes for him to eventually type the rest, informing his mother, Minori is doing well and he is able to latch on and feed by himself, however, Aina is struggling and has been placed on a ventilator and a drip. They asked that I leave temporarily – I believe they are adding another tube to feed her with, as she could not sustain her latch.
Then, because he had forgotten to keep Shisui updated, Itachi quickly shot off another text, informing his cousin of the situation and following it up with the same picture that was sent to his mother.
The moment it struck half past twelve, he was turning off his phone and leaving the resting area, deciding he would check on his children one last time before meeting the doctor and going to Sakura's room.
The air was off, though and the emptiness of the unit was eerie.
Gut instinct had Itachi swiping a pen from the nurses' station, expression smoothing out as it was slipped up the sleeve of his shirt. He would have preferred a sharper object, but there was nothing else he could use, all potential weapons kept well out of reach of the public to reduce risks. A pen was doable. Just messier.
Something was definitely off.
Without breaking stride, Itachi focused intently on the door of his children's room, the sight of it left ajar when already, he'd noticed all medical staff ensuring it remained shut to keep the room warmer, causing a suffocating weight to settle in his gut and heart.
"Step away from them."
The voice belonged to Temari, he recognised immediately and unable to control his emotions any longer, Itachi stopped fighting them, allowing his anger to show as he entered the room.
It was the first midwife, Azarni, he recognised instantly, flanked by two strangers he hadn't seen before, the sight of the three of them crowded around his children with Azarni's hand hovering over the ventilator's power supply sickening Itachi. Opposite them stood Temari in full ANBU uniform, alerting him that there'd been an incident of some kind – that had to wait, however. Aina and Minori were his priority.
"What do you think you're doing?" he questioned blandly.
In response to his intrusion, Temari shifted her footing, allowing him to stand by her side and block the only exit from the room.
With a damning click, he locked the door to prevent outsiders disturbing them.
But he didn't stand by Temari. Showed absolutely no signs of working alongside her as he strode forward with long, purposeful strides. Even when he reached Azarni, he didn't stop, hand immediately finding her throat and guiding her backwards, away from the incubators, away from his babies, slamming her against the wall with a murderous glower that had her shuddering with fear, hands clawing at his wrist.
"P-Please–" she rasped tearfully.
"Please?" Itachi repeated darkly, uncaring for the two helpers who flaunted their choice of weapons. They unknowingly set his blood on fire as possibilities ran through his mind, showing Itachi all the ways they could have used the weapons on his children. Hand twitching, he squeezed tighter, Azarni's features flushing a deep shade of purple. "How can you beg for mercy when you were about to steal the lives of defenceless babies?"
The silence, despite it being his own doing, angered him further.
"My defenceless babies," he snarled.
Forgive me, Aina, Minori.
Blood trickled down his forearm from the desperate scratches of Azarni, but he couldn't feel the sting. Couldn't hear her gargled pleas for mercy.
Brandishing the pen he'd swiped, Itachi wasted no time in ramming it into her neck, chest heaving, eyes a fraction wider and remaining glued on hers even as the light faded from them and she grew limp in his hold.
"Uchiha," Temari alerted him, and he heard the sounds of desperation, the sounds of the others quickly realising they would not be walking away.
He tossed Azarni to the ground uncaringly, turning to face the two remaining with an unforgiving rage.
Much to his gratefulness, Temari did not intervene despite the fact he could easily pick up on her bloodlust, instead remaining in front of the door and allowing him the chance to finally do something for his children even though it should have been grossly unnecessary.
There was only one person that flashed through his mind when it came to attacking defenceless children, but rather than allowing the anxiety to take hold of him, Itachi used the sight of his tiny babies to fuel his determination and rage. He allowed their presence to motivate him to keep pushing forward.
Please forgive me for failing to protect you both from this side of me.
A/N - Sorry for the delay in updating - it's been a difficult few days for us. Thank you all for being so patient
I've got to admit, it was kinda fun writing different perspectives for this and I hope it answered some of the questions that you all have!