We were all silent, just looking round at each other for a moment after Adam left.

"What should we do now?" Guthrie asked. His face was pale. "Should one of us go after them? Or go up and check on Hannah?"

"No," said Crane decidedly. "I think we should let everybody cool off for a while."

He pushed his chair back and stood up and started clearing the plates from the table.

"I'm not finished," Evan said flatly as Crane tried to whisk his plate away from under him. He started shovelling food into his mouth, his face a perfect storm.

"I'm finished," I told Crane. What had gone on had made me lose my appetite.

"Me too," Guthrie said.

"Good, you two can help me clear up then," Crane said.

Even though the dishwashing chart said it was Hannah and Crane on duty that evening, neither of us complained.

We cleared the table, mostly in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. I was still clearing the table when Crane started washing the dishes and instructed Guthrie to dry. Moments afterwards Evan finished eating and lay his plate on the side. He didn't look at any of us as he left, out the back door.

"He's probably going to see Diablo," Guthrie said into the silence.

When I'd finished clearing the table and putting everything next to the sink to be washed, I leaned against the counter next to the sink and asked Crane what he wanted me to do next.

"You okay?" he asked me. I knew it was his way of checking in on me after what had just happened.

I shrugged.

"Yea… you know."

Crane nodded.

"What about you, Guth?" he asked.

"I'm okay," Guthrie said quietly, drying the plate he was holding intently.

"Brian didn't mean anything he said," Crane said.

Guthrie didn't say anything, but I said flatly, "Yea, he did."

Crane's brow wrinkled in concern.

"No, Heidi he-"

"It's okay," I interrupted. "It's not a big deal. Can I go upstairs now? I've got a lot of homework to get through."

Crane shut off the tap and grabbed a dishtowel for his hands.

"I think we should talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about!" I insisted. "Brian's going through something just now. I'm not a little kid, I get it! Please can I go up, Crane? I've really do have so much work."

"Alright," Crane said quietly though I could tell he wasn't happy.

I went upstairs to my room and closed the door. I wondered if I should go and check if Hannah was okay. I felt a bit guilty; after all, I had encouraged her to confront Brian and look how it turned out. I don't know what I had expected though.

I didn't want to give it more thought, so I did get a start on my homework. Some people find it hard to concentrate when there are external factors happening in their lives, but I've always found school work a welcome distraction.

I think I'd only been working less than 20 minutes when there was a soft knock at my door. I hadn't even replied when Guthrie slipped into my room. He came and lay down on the spare bed in the room, the one that had used to be his when we were kids and had shared a room.

I really just wanted to get on with my work but I knew since he was coming to my room, he most likely wanted to talk so I put my pen down and swivelled in my chair to look at him.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yea…" he said. He was lying on his back, his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. "I knocked on Adam and Hannah's door but there was no answer. I wanted to see if she was okay, but maybe she's fallen asleep."

"Maybe," I said, although privately I thought there was no way Hannah was sleeping. It was likely she was either still seething with anger or tearful. Having witnessed Adam and Hannah showdowns in the past, I knew the only person who could talk to her at this point was Adam. The rest of us tended to stay out of their arguments.

Guthrie sighed.

"That was weird… what happened earlier between Hannah and Brian."

When I didn't offer anything in response, he turned his head to look at me.

"Don't you think?"

"I don't think it was weird… it was awkward, for sure. But I mean, Brian had it coming so.."

I shrugged.

Guthrie sat up, his brow wrinkled.

"I don't think Hannah was being too fair, to be honest."

"That's because you think Brian can do no wrong," I pointed out. I tried to keep my voice as neutral as possible, but Guthrie still reacted defensively. He sat up.

"I do not!"

He did. Guthrie worshipped Brian. He looked up to Adam too, but Brian for him was a hero. When we were 12, Brian had driven drunk and ended up in jail for 5 days. Guthrie had defended him to the hilt whereas I could definitely see where Adam was coming from.

Still, I didn't want to argue with Guthrie who I knew would dig his heels in, so I said, "Okay, sorry."

That placated him and he lay back down.

"What d'ya think's up with him?" he said. He was staring up at the ceiling again.

"You mean why he's drinking more and why he said what he said?" I asked.

Guthrie nodded.

I wouldn't wish what I'd been through earlier that year on anyone; it had been hell. But one good thing to come out of it is that it's given me more empathy. It's made me realise the complexity of people's feelings sometimes and how the truth of how people feel can be uncomfortable sometimes.

"I think Bri's freaked out because he's just had another kid landed on him when he wasn't expecting it," I said.

Guthrie turned his head to look at me again.

"But it's his kid!"

"Yea, I know, and you know I love her a lot, already. But maybe he feels trapped. Or out of control or something. I mean, he's just had another lifelong commitment sprung on him. Maybe he wasn't ready for it. Or maybe he had plans to spring free of this place now that you and me are getting older."

"Brian would never want to leave this place!" Guthrie protested. He looked appalled.

"How do you know?" I said.

"Because I do!"

"You don't know, Guth. And I don't know either. I'm just saying maybe that's how he feels."

"So you think that he's hated looking after us all this time?"

Guthrie was sitting on the edge of the bed now, rigidly, his whole body taut.

"I don't think he hated it," I said, carefully.

Guthrie was evidently hurt by what Brian had said. And to be honest, I was too. But I also understood it.

"He's been too nice for someone who hated it. Or if he did, then he'd hidden it really well. But put yourself in his shoes, and Adam's. One day your life is carefree and the next you're responsible for raising a boatload of kids and your life isn't yours anymore. Brian was one year older than we are now when the accident happened, Guthrie. Can you imagine that level of responsibility at our age? Coz I can't!"

Unexpectedly, Guthrie's eyes filled with tears. That's unusual for him.

"Do you think he resents us?" he whispered, and he looked really vulnerable. He wiped his tears away quickly with his sleeve.

My heart went out to him. Guthrie's very sensitive under all the bravado he puts on sometimes.

"No! No, Guth, not at all."

Privately though, I wouldn't have been surprised if he did, but that's not what Guthrie needed to hear. It would break him.

"Do you think Adam feels that way too?" he asked. I could tell how frightened he was.

"No," I said, assuredly. "I've asked him, and he told me he doesn't feel that way at all."

"You've asked him?" Guthrie said.

I nodded

"Yea. I asked him around the time we were getting back on track after I ran away."

"Oh… okay," Guthrie said. I could see his body starting to relax. He lay back down.

"What do you think's gonna happen?" he said.

"I dunno," I admitted. "Adam'll sort it, though. He always manages to sort everything."

I said it with more confidence than I felt.