4 Miserable Months Later

It has been almost 4 months since I found out about Steve's death. I didn't leave the apartment for a month, it was difficult to get out of bed. But I soon realized that he wouldn't want me to live this way, he died so I could live and that was exactly what I was going to do, live and never forget what he had done for me.

I have gone back to work and school, I thought I was finished, that they were going to fire and kick me out but after I told them I was going through a tragedy and they understood. I went back to counseling Emma almost a month ago, I only had a few sessions with her left, I was happy that her mother didn't give up on me. I am having a session with her now, we're playing cards.

"You beat me again! I swear I am not trying to let you win." I say, she laughs.

"I figured that out the last time we played cards, you were getting so mad." She continued to laugh.

"...Yeah, my friends stopped playing with me." I grinned, "How's school going?"

"Good, I made a few friends." She smiled.

"That's good." I also smile, "Your mom was telling me that she is dating someone."

"...Yeah," She could only say.

"Are you doing okay with that?" I ask her.

"...I guess." She answered quietly.

"Is it getting serious?"

"Yeah...he asked her to marry him...she said yes..." She was getting upset, I could tell she wasn't telling me something.

"Emma, you know you can talk to me." I say seriously as I stop playing to look at her.

"I know...I'm just scared..." She replied softly.

"Are you afraid he's going to turn out like your dad?" I ask.

"Yeah...What if he's also bad?" She said looking down, I take her hand so she would look at me.

"It's okay to feel that way...I did too." I reply.

"You did?" She asks me confused, "Didn't your mom die when you were little?"

"Yeah but...it took me a long time to trust people...I thought the exact same thing you are right now. I thought, how could I trust anybody?" I told her, I wasn't going to bring up my pasts boyfriends, this was about both of our fathers. "But...you have to trust people...not everyone is going to be like your dad."

"What made you start trusting people?" She asked me.

"...Someone special..." Is all I could say without getting emotional, "And this man that your mom is dating...he could be that special person for you...the father that you deserve and the husband your mom also deserves."

"We could actually be a family?"

"Yeah." I smile.

"Okay...I'll stop being mean to him..." I couldn't help but smirk remembering how mean I was to people, especially Steve when we first met.

"Good." I said with a grin.

"I knew someone helped you!"

"Sorry...at the time...I couldn't admit." I told her honestly.

"It's okay," She replied, "We only have a couple sessions left?" She asks me suddenly.

"Yeah...2 more." I reply.

"You think I'm ready?"

"Yes, especially after today." I tell her, she just smiles and gives me a nod, about 20 minutes later her mom and boyfriend come to pick her up, he seemed like a nice guy but of course I was always a bit worried, I was protective of my girl after all!

I go to work right after my session with Emma. I am pouring drinks when I see a familiar face walk in, it was Maria. She came to the bar quite a bit, she would stay for about an hour and just hang out with me and the girls, she was always trying to make me smile or laugh. She really had become a good friend.

"Hey," I shout through the music.

"Busy night?" She also shouts, I just nod.

"So how's the investigation going?" I ask.

"...I wish I could say good but...we haven't been able to find Ross at all." Maria tells me, "I have a feeling he's not in the states."

"You guys will find him." I reassure him.

"I don't know...it took Steve going to him and sacrificing himself to get evidence that he was Hydra...he could be anywhere."

"I still can't believe they let you hear the recording finally."

"It was about damn time." She responds as she takes a drink.

"Why did it take so long? You were never on the run." I asked.

"They said they were taking special precautions of anyone that use to work for Shield."

"How do you think he got it?" I asked delicately.

"I have no idea, it's not like Steve was savvy with phones." I couldn't help but giggle at that, I just remembered all the times he butt dialed me or didn't understand what lol was or had to go through step by step on how to set up his voicemail but my smile turned sad, "Sorry."

"No, it's okay...I like hearing stories about him."

"How are you doing?" She asked me.

"Good, I only have two sessions left with Emma."

"That's great, will you get anymore kids after this?"

"Most likely, they had me only have a couple of kids first, didn't want to overwhelm me." I explained.

"That makes sense." She replied, "You want to do something tonight? Sam, Natasha and I could take you out dancing or something "

"I wish I could but I am exhausted." I tell her.

"Fine be like that," She teased, "I better go." She bought her beer.

"I'll see you later." I said as she left the bar.

I wasn't lying when I said I was exhausted but I also sadly avoided seeing Natasha and Sam lately, it was tough to see them because it just made me think of Steve and it made it hard to move on but I did want them in my life...they were the only ones that could understand what I was going through. Sure neither Sam or Natasha had feelings for him like I did but they both dedicated their lives to serving with him, he was both of their best friends, for Sam it was like losing his wingman Riley all over again. But it was still hard to see them and I always felt guilty for turning them down but I couldn't help it.

I walked into my apartment from taking Luna to the vet, every few months she gets a shot in her hip to help with pain but because the shot is so strong they keep her overnight to make sure she took it well, she always turns out just fine. I walk into the bathroom and start to shower, while in there I feel a cold breeze in the air, I poke my head out of the shower but don't see anything but I had a bad feeling about something. I finish showering quickly, get dressed and walk out to the living room, I see that one of my windows is open, it's freezing out and it makes me shudder. I go over, look out the window and see someone staring at me. I quickly close my window and lock all my windows up and go to my front door to make sure that its locked, it is. I go back to the window and the man is gone. I turn off all the lights and am about to go back into my room when I feel someone grab me from behind, they put their hand over my mouth so I can't scream and holds my arms so I can't step away.

"Don't scream." He whispers in my ear.

This has to be the man that was outside my window, I step on his foot and elbow his gut. "Wait, I'm not trying..." He is about to say but I am not letting him talk. I turn around, I can't see his face at all. I am trying to punch him but he blocks it, I use the other hand and he blocks it. I kick him in the ribs and he grabs my leg at the thigh and when he grabs my leg I was able to land a blow to his face, he groans in pain and am about to hit him again but he grabs my arm and and pushes me against the wall while he still holds my leg and arm and his face catches the moonlight.

"Stop, I'm not trying to hurt you." He whispers as he stares at me dead in the eyes.

I am breathless and can't breathe. I can't believe what I am seeing, I am afraid this isn't real or its a dream. I stare into his piercing blue eyes.

"Steve? Is that you?" He drops my arm and leg and steps back just a little but, he looks confused.

I go to touch his face but he stops my hand, "Do I know you?"

Of course he's alive! I wouldn't kill Steve! But what is going on? Why doesn't he know her?