Prompt: Birth
Characters: America, England
Notes: I was going to write something serious, contemplative, and nostalgic for Shakespeare's birthday. Then I wrote this instead. I feel like it's kinda half-assed, but I'm posting it anyway because I need to learn to embrace the chaos of making mistakes.
(Also, I know there's a "birthday" prompt, but I've been saving that one.)
FFN is stupid and won't let me include links, unfortunately. If you go to YouTube and type in "Reduced Shakespeare Company histories" or just "RSC histories," you should be able to find the video referenced in this fic.
Hey dude check this out
Everyone, especially England, knew to be wary of those texts from America. Ever since he'd nearly given Italy a heart attack by sending him a picture of pasta topped with Cheez Whiz, few nations would look at America's texts without sitting down first.
Fortunately, England happened to be lying down already when America messaged him. Unfortunately, this was because he had been fast asleep. It was just after eight in London, putting New York smack dab in the middle of the night. That wasn't a good sign. America's texts could be weird at all hours, but especially so at three in the morning.
And so, after a single glance, England shoved his phone beneath his pillow and went back to sleep. He wasn't dealing with this right now. No way.
But of course, the text was still there when he woke up about an hour later, and it would continue to be there no matter how late he slept in. Reluctantly, England retrieved his phone and opened his messages with a worried frown.
After his poorly punctuated greeting, America had sent a link to a YouTube video, along with the following:
Bc it's Shakespeare's bday, right
Look I remembered this year
Aren't you impressed
Anyway I thought you'd appreciate this
England sighed. There were many things wrong with this situation, but he had to correct one in particular before proceeding to the others.
Shakespeare's birthday was yesterday, America.
He'd barely sent the message when three blinking dots appeared on his screen.
Well for me it's still the 23rd bc I haven't gone to bed yet
That's not how that works, England thought, but not wanting to get sucked into an argument first thing in the morning, he kept that comment to himself.
Anyway, America added, you should watch the vid. It'll totally make your day
England knew better than to open the link. He absolutely knew better. And yet for some reason, he found himself opening it anyway. Perhaps he did so not to humor America but to indulge his own perverse curiosity (which had never betrayed him before). Besides, the title of the video was "RSC: the Histories," and the only RSC England knew was the Royal Shakespeare Company. Could it be that America had finally developed good taste?
As the first few seconds of the video made clear, the answer was a resounding no.
Three men in white shirts, baggy shorts, tights, and Converse were standing on a stage. One of them appeared to be holding some sort of fake crown. Abruptly, they began running around and talking over one another so frantically that England couldn't make out a word. Then, the man in black tights shouted, "Let's get macho," and everything became horrifyingly clear.
These fools were portraying Shakespeare's histories as an American football game, with the English crown as the ball. While two of the actors portrayed different monarchs from the plays, a third narrated the action. The entire thing was an anachronistic mess—didn't they know King John lived a full two centuries before Richard II? And why, oh why, was King Lear involved?
The worst part, though, was that England couldn't make himself look away. He kept watching, mouth agape, as the train wreck of a skit continued hurtling down the tracks of idiocy. When it was over, he stared off into the distance for a full minute before returning to his texts.
I don't even know where to begin, he typed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. What had he done to deserve this?
Naturally, America was still awake and apparently glued to his phone, proving England's suspicion that God had decided to mess with him that morning.
Ikr!? It's so awesome. They have a ton of other videos too, lemme find them real quick
And with that, England decided he would keep his phone in "do not disturb" mode for the rest of the day, lest America finally succeed in driving him insane.
But maybe later, he'd watch one more video. Just one. Just because he wanted to chew America out again, and certainly not because he secretly found the skit amusing. He had good taste, after all.
The ending is somewhat inspired by the recent strip in which England eats America's food and enjoys it. Talk about a plot twist, lol.