44.
Turn And Face The Strange…
With Shizuru's keen strategic mind, and her flare for presentation, it wasn't long before Haruka was cleared not only legally, but also in the court of public opinion. Haruka had no direct oversight of her ex-husband's department at the company, and it was quickly revealed that documents supposedly signed by her weren't even in her handwriting.
Then her ex's philandering came to light. Haruka was portrayed as a hardworking woman who had been betrayed and wronged by a duplicitous snake.
Haruka herself stayed out of the public eye. Her pregnancy was proving to be difficult for her.
"The problem is that you never really learned how to relax," Natsuki said to Haruka as they arrived at a day spa together.
"Yeah, yeah."
Natsuki chuckled, "You haven't been reading Bushido, have you. Calm mind, Suzushiro. Calm mind."
Haruka frowned deeply, "Fujino is the one with the calm mind. And that damned little serene smile that makes you think she knows what's going on, even when she doesn't."
"Shizuru wound herself into so many emotional knots that she was ready to burn everything to the ground, once," Natsuki pointed out, "The fake smile doesn't do her much good when she's not actually calm. But you? You're so high strung, it's a wonder you haven't had a heart attack at your age.
"Listen, you've got to stop trying to see your life as a competition to outdo Shizuru. Because the Shizuru you're trying to show up isn't real. She's an illusion in your head that you created, and it's precisely because of that that she's able to win all the time. It's like the monkey who thought he was reaching for the moon, only to find out it was the reflection in the pond."
"And what makes you such an expert?" Haruka huffed.
"On winning? Dumb luck. I'm well off financially because of money my Dad gave me, careful investments in stocks, and I just happened to write a few books that the public actually liked. Dumb luck. All of it. The books might not have sold. My stocks could have come crashing to the ground. Dad might not have ever given me that money. So, when it comes to success, I blindly stumble my way through it.
"But there's one thing, precisely one, that I am definitely an expert in, and that's Shizuru Fujino. And you keep trying to beat her, but it's not going to happen, because the person you're trying to beat isn't really the person there."
Haruka sighed, "Seems like nothing I thought I saw was real."
"If you're referring to your ex-husband, don't feel too bad. Like Shizuru said, you were hardly the only person he fooled."
"So, how do you deal with Fujino's frustrating ways?" Haruka asked.
Natsuki laid back in a deck chair, enjoying the warm air, though she was careful to stay out of direct sunlight, being pregnant and all, "Me? Mostly blushing, stammering, kisses at regular intervals, and the occasional roll in the hay. But I'm going to hazard that those aren't methods you're going to want to try, yourself."
Haruka gave her a mirthless laugh, "Heh. At this point? It couldn't hurt. It's not like anything else I've done has worked out."
Natsuki looked over the edge of her sunglasses at Haruka, "There's something you're not telling me."
Haruka sighed, patting her pregnant belly, "I was happy when I found out I was going to be a Mom. But…I never really enjoyed the physical side of my relationship. And I thought, at the time, that it was just me. I mean, I know what I was like in high school. I was very much a…"
"Tyrant?" Natsuki offered.
"Puritan," Haruka retorted, "And I thought that maybe I just…that the physical part of being with someone just didn't interest me.
"I mean, with my now ex-husband, there was a mental stimulation. We enjoyed lots of the same books, movies, the like. We were both competitive. We kept each other sharp. Or so I thought. But when it came time for…sex…I just wasn't into it. And I heard that was normal for some people. But I wonder now, if it was my body trying to warn me that he was bad for me. He had kids with three other women, after all, and they definitely came about before this one.
"But then, when I felt anything at all, one face, just one, would pop up in my mind…"
"Yukino," Natsuki said. It wasn't a question.
"Yeah," Haruka started crying, "And I messed it up. I messed it up so bad…And now, she's with someone else, and…"
"She's not," Natsuki sighed. She'd hoped this would never come up, but now she was going to have to tell Suzushiro.
"What do you mean?"
"Yukino called me last night, after she saw the news about you and your now ex-husband. And I asked her about Ryuunosuke. Well, it didn't last a year."
"They're divorced?" Haruka blinked.
"As you've pointed out about my own relationship with Shizuru, they weren't legally married to begin with. And it turns out it's very easy to walk out on someone when there are no lawyers involved or papers to sign."
"What happened?" Haruka asked, "Did I mess it up? Did Ryuunosuke see how I came to Yukino's defense at the ceremony and it started a rift? Or…"
"Ryuunosuke is all kinds of messed up from her childhood," Natsuki shook her head, "She could be an honorary HiME, for all the crap she's been through. Her Mom died. Her Dad decided to raise her as a son, and then got her engaged to a boy who was raised as a girl. She's been trying to figure herself out for a long, long time. She thought she'd figured it own when she met Yukino. Turns out…she was wrong. And Yukino wound up along. Ryuunosuke wanted to be all girl, but she's not sure how. And she decided that she couldn't be in a relationship with a girl after all, if she wanted to be a normal girl herself. But she still, from what Yukino tells me, is utterly mortified of being with a guy. So…fun stuff."
Haruka listened, nodding, then sighed, "I want to go to her, to comfort her. As a friend. But…if I'm honest with myself, I just want Yukino for myself."
Natsuki blinked, "Okay, are you telling me, that you, Haruka Suzushiro, who once called me 'filthy' for getting kissed in my sleep by another girl, are now conceding that you are, in fact, in love with another girl, yourself?"
"Yeah," Haruka looked down.
"Okay, but…"
"But I can't go to her. Yukino is vulnerable. She's in a bad place right now. I'd be taking advantage of her feelings. And she'd see right through it and hate me."
"Hello, pot, this is kettle. Check the mirror," Natsuki shook her head, "You're on the rebound and vulnerable too, right now."
Part of Natsuki's irritation was that she'd heard that exact sentiment from Yukino on the phone the night before. Fortunately, for all parties involved, Natsuki was not an idiot.
"H-Haruka?" the timid voice called from behind her.
"Yukino?" Haruka sat up, turning quickly, and then realized that it was a bad idea to do that while pregant. She dizzily sat down again hard on her rump, though fortunately, still on the deck chair.
Natsuki stood up, patting the deck chair, "Yukino, you can take my seat. I imagine you two are going to want some time to talk."
"Damned delinquent," Haruka muttered at Natsuki walked off, then turned to Yukino, "How much did you hear?"
"Pretty much everything, Haruka," Yukino sat down, facing her old school friend.
"I'm…sorry it didn't work out between you and Ryuunosuke."
"Yeah, same for you," Yukino sighed.
"I'm sorry Kuga tricked you into coming here," Haruka said, "I'll properly christen her later."
Yukino blinked, then started laughing, "'Chastise', Haruka. And I think you did that one on purpose. You didn't do anything like that while talking to Kuga."
"I couldn't rely on you anymore," Haruka said, "You'd gone away. And I understood why. They did some tests. It's a neurological disorder, similar to aphasia, though I didn't have to have a stroke to get it. There's medicine that helps, but it's not a hundred percent. Seeing you again, for example, caused me to remiss to that state."
"Revert. I get it."
"I wish you hadn't gone away," Haruka looked down again, "But…I understand why you did. I'd…rather solidly rejected you, hadn't I?"
"That wasn't it. I…I was still your friend, Haruka. Because you said I could be. But…there was no one and nothing for me here. So, I went off on my own to find something I could call mine. Turns out, there wasn't anything."
"Well, I wouldn't mind if you stayed a bit," Haruka smiled, "I…could use a good friend after everything. Someone who knew me better than I know myself, in fact."
"I don't know if I can, Haruka…"
Haruka sighed, "I guess not. It was a selfish request on my part, I suppose. To hope that you'd still care about a person like me after all this time."
"Haruka…don't you get it? I still want you. I always will. That's why nothing has worked out for me! Because I keep picking people who, in the end, I know won't measure up to you! But I can't have any chance of moving past that if I've still got you around?"
"And what if I told you there wasn't any need to move past it anymore?" Haruka said.
Yukino shook her head, "You're just saying that."
"Am I? I don't know, myself, Yukino. I spent so long trying to deny it. Do you know why it is that I envy Fujino so damned much?"
Yukino blinked.
"It's because…to some degree…she was able to be more honest with herself about what she was than I ever could!" Haruka sobbed, "I couldn't let anyone see. Not her. Not you. Not ME! I couldn't let ME see what I was. And if I really have lost you, Yukino, then I paid too high a price for my stupid pride!
"I had to be perfect! I had to be the ideal person so that I could defeat her. You think I didn't know what Fujino was, from the start? The way she fawned over Kuga, the way she teased her? Everyone knew. Did she really think getting footrubs from Kanzaki had me fooled? She never once looked at him with those bewitching eyes the same way she looked at Kuga. But I kept my mouth shut, until you spoke up that night, and I was so angry at her, that I finally decided to tell her I knew all about the elephant in the room. And I was unfair to Kuga at the time, but it was because I wanted to poke at Fujino's wounds while they were raw.
"Because it was the only way I could deny that about myself."
"Haruka…it's…it's not good for the baby if you're upset!" Yukino rushed to her side, "You have to calm down!"
"What's the point, Yukino? I've lost. I'm not perfect. I'm not even able to compete with Fujino, anymore, because she could admit, in the end, that she was who she was, and I…I…."
She felt Yukino's arms around her, "You just did, Haruka."
Haruka blinked, "Eh?"
"You told me, now."
"But…I've still lost you. You said…"
Yukino smiled gently, "Well, a woman has the right to change her mind, doesn't she?"
"Yukino, I feel really stupid asking this, but…I'm not very experienced. Would you…would you kiss me?"
The kiss was gentle, and soft, Yukino being mindful of Haruka's swollen baby belly. And at that moment, for the first time in forever, Haruka felt the tension and stress and ire of everything in her body let go, and she was at peace.
888888
Four young women sat around a quiet table in the back room of a very exclusive restaurant. Shizuru Fujinio and Natsuki Kuga sat on one side, Haruka Suzushiro and Yukino Kikukawa on the other.
"The four of us together brings back memories," Shizuru smiled warmly.
"Shizuru," Natsuki giggled, "You promised to be serious."
"Ara, Ara, but Natsuki keeps me honest," Shizuru grinned, "But tonight is a celebration, after all. We're calling it the 'Finally Haruka and Yukino realize they're perfect for each other' Celebration. Or, perhaps, 'About Time.'"
Haruka grinned, "Oh, yeah, like you were so sure."
"Well, admittedly, I wasn't. Haruka had clung to her guns for so long, I was beginning to doubt my own senses. Ikezu, Haruka."
"Well, since two of us are very pregnant," Natsuki sighed, "We're going to have to settle for tea or water. But bring on the food!"
Haruka sighed, shaking her head, "I still say you two are doing this backwards. Kuga isn't the one who should be pregnant."
"Ara, but look how adorably she glows when she is," Shizuru leaned her elbows on the table, putting her hands on her cheeks.
Natsuki looked down at her belly, "Your Okasan is a troublesome creature, Sachiko. Truly."
"Ikezu."
Natsuki sighed contentedly, "Ah, that's more like it."