Inescapable Calamity

Zero days since the Last Death (Ten Deaths)

Jealous darkness enveloped him entirely. Obsessive shadows that desperately fought to impede his departure. That "gift" had wound up turning against it, the time of his ephemeral sojourn had already run out eons ago. Nevertheless, this was his first "visit" in a long time, and the jealous shadows longed for his eternal companionship. The "gift", the "blessing", was operating accordingly; there was nothing that could rescind his call to the world of the living.

Subaru felt how his body was being ripped from the dark claws of the entity that always watched him from a distance; a distance that could not simply be reduced to physical terms. The jealous shadows cried out in anger at his forced departure, however, they showed no intention of revoking that "gift". After all, the shadows only pleaded for love. A love that Subaru would never be able to reciprocate; after all, unmistakably what burned within him was wrath born of hatred...

"... What's your plan, Subaru-sama?" Suddenly, the somber world gave way altogether and Subaru abruptly regained all his senses. For an everlasting instant, Subaru did naught but stare into the existential void that was his spirit. With his vacant gaze fixed on one of the walls of the room, Subaru remained motionless, as if he were but a mere mannequin.

His body, mind and soul were out of sync, as if a portion of him had never left the world of shadows. However, that blurring effect lasted no more than a couple of seconds. Suddenly, the experiences of his "former life" caught up with his body, forcing him to bend over at the abdomen. Without resistance, vomit flowed out of his mouth, soaking the floor of what was once the workshop where he began his journey of reinvention.

Finding it impossible to stand on his two feet, Subaru fell to his knees and, with his hands placed on the floor, continued to expel all the contents of his stomach. He felt as if his life was escaping through his esophagus. A sharp pain coursed through his body, giving him a splitting migraine and terrible chills. His skin crawled with goose bumps and his hair stood on end; he was still able to feel the extreme pain of the fire consuming his life.

"Arrrrghhhh!" Letting out an agonizing howl, Subaru dropped onto his side, hugging his own frail body tightly. His heart was crumbling, and there was nothing that could stop it; piece by piece, he felt his being falling apart.

"Natsuki?!"

"Subaru-sama!"

"Hnk! Wha-?! S-Subaru!"

Three reactions took place sequentially, as if Subaru's violent reaction had caused the systematic fall of a row of dominoes. The first to respond to his piercing scream was Otto, who quickly, as fast as his legs would allow him, moved to Subaru's side, and then helped him to support himself with his thin arms. Thus preventing him from falling all the way into the sour lake that lay beneath his traumatized existence.

Utada strode forward, with the obvious intention of checking on his superior's condition, but then stopped suddenly. His pupils dilated sharply, and his whiskers quivered. His sharp gaze moved slowly to Subaru's head, which was jerking from side to side in adamant denial. Finally, his nose wrinkled, and an expression of utter disgust took shape on his face.

Leith, on the other hand, had finally been forced out of his shock; albeit only partially. With tears of fear gathering in his eyes, the craftsman watched as the one who had one day appeared at Otto's side and renewed his lost hopes was descending into fear and despair. Leith felt the need to help him, to support him with words of strength, he felt it blossoming in his chest. Yet the craftsman seemed incapable of satisfying that need. "I-I understand you..." He muttered, completely frozen in terror.

Leith truly understood, at least to some extent, Subaru's reaction. The news they had just received could rationally be deemed that disheartening. He didn't fully understand the reasons why Subaru had been overwhelmed in such a way, given that their circumstances were considerably different. However, neither could he ignore all that his friend had suffered during his stay with Anastasia Hoshin. I understand you all too well, Leith thought, yielding to the oppressive force of despair; failing to genuinely discern the magnitude of the black abyss that stretched into Subaru's heart.

And while Leith had easily empathized with Subaru's reaction, the opposite could be said of Utada. In his pupils glowed hatred and anger, feelings Subaru knew all too well. Had the black-haired young man been in a state of mental and emotional lucidity, perhaps he might have noticed the enraged gaze that was being directed at his being. The warrior's large hands tightened exceedingly, thus expelling the claws that were hidden under skin and flesh.

Utada took another step forward, but halted when he heard a pathetic whimper. It was Leith, whose tear-soaked face had frozen into an expression of utter horror. The warrior cast a scornful glance at the craftsman and refocused on the person he was supposed to be protecting; like a massive spring, anger welled up in his heart in gushes.

The scent that wafted from Subaru Natsuki was one that Utada would easily recognize anywhere; after all, it was quite familiar to him. The smell of death, the smell of despair, the smell of cruelty, the smell of viciousness; it was a smell that he could only relate to the most negative aspects. After all, it was the same smell given off by the group of sadistic evildoers operating under the name of the Witch Cult.

Utada took a step closer, and he could feel his muscles contracting aggressively. With his mind clouded by hatred and anger, Utada was unable to see Subaru as the vitally important asset to his boss that he was. After all, he had to get rid of that nauseating smell. That wasn't the first time he had smelled it on him. He had perceived it with a similar foul intensity once before, on Priestella.

At the time, though, he had opted to hold off and keep an eye on his behavior. Over time, the scent had largely abated, albeit after their group stay in Kararagi, it had come to fluctuate. Utada had waited patiently for the moment when Subaru Natsuki's true nature would be revealed. And now the unpleasant odor he gave off had regained the intensity it had possessed in Priestella, and it had done so exactly when the Witch Cult had decided to show itself. This could not be a mere coincidence.

That was definitely not the first time he perceived that stench being oozed by that pathetic human, but he would make sure it would be the last. The ground creaked due to the force the demi-human was imprinting on his steps, determined strides, unwavering gait. The ground shook perceptibly due to the force of his stride; however, the wrathful tremor was imperceptible to the only three individuals capable of noticing it.

"Natsuki! Natsuki, snap out of it! Snap out of it now! I know you're scared, but you've to get up! You know we can't stay here much longer!" Otto, was too focused on helping Subaru out of his state of shock, to notice the bodyguard's abnormal behavior.

The merchant moved as he squatted, unmindful of the vomit soaking his shoes, so that he could stand face to face with Subaru. A nervous but rational look was reflected in those tearful, vacant eyes. Subaru, feeling unconsciously betrayed by that look that he was unable to emulate, moved his face away from Otto's, grabbed his own hair tightly and began to pull it, seeking to escape from the pain that covered his body and clouded his mind.

"Hnk!" Subaru whined, as he felt his cheeks being grabbed tightly and was forced to look at that which he wished to escape directly in the eyes; determination.

Notwithstanding, Otto would not allow him to keep running away; escaping into his mind was not an option. "Pull yourself together Natsuki, you can't die here! We can't die! Today it's not for us to die! We have a project to manage to the bitter end! We have a world to change, don't we?! We've already started, so we cannot stop halfway!" Otto had finally found people he could call friends, he had finally forged firm bonds of friendship. Moreover, he had finally found a place in the world and an ambitious goal to pursue; Otto really felt excited about the future, and so he could not die there.

After being struck by his friend's lifesaving insistence, Subaru finally came to his senses, though only partially. His gaze scanned the room awkwardly, then settled on Otto's frightened and determined face. "I can't..." He muttered, struggling not to succumb completely to the sharp pain in his soul.

"You started this, Natsuki! Neither Leith nor I will be able to carry on with the Reinvention Project without you, nor will Anastasia Hoshin and her company! So take responsibility! You changed our lives, and now you're willing to force us to go back to who we were before that? As your colleague, and friend, I can't allow you to falter... You have goals to achieve, and a person to follow. Don't you, Natsuki? You want to continue by Anastasia-sama's side, don't you?"

"Anastasia?"

"Yes, Anastasia Hoshin, the woman you admire and follow so faithfully..." Otto paused to look carefully at Subaru, whose gaze was gradually regaining its sparkle of life, before continuing. "We've noticed, Natsuki; the way you talk about her. She's that important to you, right?"

"R-Right... But what's that got to do with-?"

"If it serves to get you to react, then I'm willing to use it, Natsuki." Otto replied frankly, standing up and looking down at him from above. "I won't let you waste your life. You've been through terrible situations and you've come through. I know Leith and I should have done more to support you, knowing how much you were affected by everything you underwent; however, we never found a way. But I'm tired of staying silent, I'm tired of you pushing us away from you, Natsuki. Come on, stand up and fight; let's fight together and survive this siege, this, your third calamity."

"I'm not sure I can, Otto..." Subaru replied, his gaze lowered. His knees and arms were shaking, and he was finding it difficult to remain kneeling on the ground; he was no longer prostrate, but he was no longer on his feet either; he still needed a final push that would reposition him in the middle of the path.

"You won't have to do it alone, so don't worry, if you think you won't be able to keep going, just say so; we'll help you." Otto then held out his hand, and Subaru could only see that option lying in front of him, the rest of the world did not exist.

Everything hurt him... His spirit had collapsed, and his heart had been reduced to ashes; he had died again. He had already assumed that something like this would happen at some point, but no matter how much he prepared himself mentally, dying was still an extremely traumatic event. Otto was right, though. His words were only echoing something that already existed within him, a resolve that he could not relinquish no matter how far he fell; he only needed to be reminded why he kept going, and Otto had done exactly that. Otto, who in many ways knew him like no one else...

"We'll suffer for it." Subaru stated.

"I know; we'll endure it together and then we'll carry on." That was the only answer it took for Subaru to get back on his feet. He had collapsed, and he had no time to pick up the ashes that were his heart and soul; still, he would have to keep going, trying and trying until he reached his goal; no matter what means he had to resort to.

"If so, we'll have to go to the castle. There we'll meet with Anastasia and the other candidates. Once there, we'll thoroughly analyze the situation and then decide on how to deal with the damned Witch Cult." Subaru said, looking first at Otto and then moving his gaze to the rest of his companions.

Utada then caught a glimpse of that determined look that was capable of changing destiny. For a moment, the warrior did not know how to proceed. It was then that his mind processed Subaru's words, and his claws instinctively retracted. His boss would not be pleased if he gave free rein to his wildest instincts at that moment. For now I'll wait, I'll be monitoring him more carefully than ever, and at the slightest sign of treachery I'll finish him off; he thought.

Everyone seemed ready to press on and deal with the dark future that lay ahead, all but one person. "My family..." Subaru had forgotten one factor of great importance.

Subaru had made the first mistake in that loop, and he was well aware of it. Thanks to the information he had gathered before his agonizing death by fire, he was now privy to the existence of two possible Sin Archbishops; he could not claim to be absolutely certain that they both were, but their defining characteristics undoubtedly made them stand out from the other witch cultists.

The first one was the crazed individual who, controlling strange translucent, almost transparent creatures, had managed to defeat Utada and had reduced both Otto and Leith to a pulp of flesh, blood and organs. The strength of the unknown creatures was overwhelming, and their singular appearance made them almost invisible, even in the light of the evening sun.

The second one, and Subaru found it necessary to stop and take a big breath of air at the thought of it, due to the painful memories that accompanied such an individual, was the eccentric woman with a bandaged body who had appeared in front of him with words of apology as a greeting and meek attitude. Her way of acting was extremely dangerous, considering that it was a façade with which she was hiding her sadistic intentions. In the blink of an eye, Subaru had been enveloped by her chain of fire and incinerated alive.

Barely resisting the nausea that welled up at the base of his stomach, Subaru continued to ruminate in his mind on the information he had gathered. He did not know the identity of both eccentric individuals; he had died before he could even ask them about it, after all. Although, Subaru, in an exercise of sincerity towards himself, admitted internally that he would never have been able to hold a congruent conversation with the pair of sadists. At the time he was too scared to even attempt it; he still did.

If he was there, walking in the middle of a marketplace of cannibalistic dishes, it was because Otto had managed to remind him why there was no option of giving up for him. He had goals to achieve, no matter how much of himself he lost on the way to them, no matter how many times he fell, no matter how many times he collapsed, he would manage to escape the endless cycles of death and carve out a fulfilling life in that world. He would keep picking himself up again and again, forcing himself to keep going, even if he had no feet with which to do so.

"I suppose I won't be able to do your bidding today, Anastasia; I'll have to push myself to my limit so that together we survived this damned game of fate. Even if it kills me, again and again..." Subaru whispered, his sorrowful gaze focused on his two bandaged arms. He hastily brought a hand to his mouth and prevented the vomit, which had once again threatened to come out, from reaching its target. After forcing back the thick, bitter liquid, Subaru whispered again. "I'll get some rest tomorrow, I promise..."

Subaru then proceeded with the analysis of the collected information. Taking into account the direction in which the signs of massacre were found, it was clear that his hypothesis had been correct; the Witch Cult was aiming to lay siege to the Royal Castle of Lugunica. If they intended to attack such an important and therefore protected place, then it would not be unreasonable to assume that more than two Sin Archbishops were in the capital.

The very idea alone caused an ominous shiver to run through Subaru's entire body. Especially, considering that he had faulted his logic and made that aforementioned gigantic mistake. Subaru, thanks to the use of the Return by Death, was aware of where the two alleged Sin Archbishops would be; the proper thing to do would be to avoid them and get to the castle as soon as possible.

This would be the right thing to do, the logical thing to do; however, Subaru had once again given in to his eternal weakness. Incapable of turning a deaf ear to Leith's pleas, he agreed to go to Leith's parents' house, even though he already knew what they would find upon arriving. A massacre, a twisted work of art that represented how corrupted the minds of its authors were.

There was nothing that could be done about it... Leith's house was located on the border between the commercial area and the slums, specifically in the southeastern section of the city; the place through which the Witch Cult had apparently entered. To make matters worse, his save-point was positioned a couple of minutes after Utada became aware of the attack; Subaru simply would not be able to do anything for Leith's family.

"Natsuki?" Suddenly, a worried whisper reached his ears. Subaru moved his head slightly and met Otto's pale face. "You look very pale, Natsu-"

"Bleerrrrrghhh!" Unable to keep retaining the vomit in his esophagus, Subaru leaned forward and let out what little semi-digested food still remained in his stomach. Otto quickly approached him, then placed his protective arm around his back to prevent him from falling to the ground.

Subaru truly hadn't had the time to assimilate it... Until that moment, when he had decided to analyze the information he collected before he died, Subaru finally understood what it all meant; his greatest fear had actually come to pass. The save-point of his "blessing and curse" had been placed at a time when it would be impossible for him to reverse a tragedy. Leith's family would not be saved, no matter how many times he lost his life and returned.

Gastric acid retches, like aftershocks of a devious earthquake, preceded the nauseating vomit. Otto, even though he was struggling to refrain from joining Subaru in repeating that unpleasant scene, continued to support him. Subaru, now that he was aware of that disheartening reality, gently pushed Otto away, to whom he nodded as their gazes met, indicating that "he was fine".

He could do nothing for Leith, and that would only make it more torturous to hear his anguished cry when, inevitably, considering the circumstances, he came upon the corpses of his family. For he could think of no way to dissuade Leith from personally corroborating their condition. There would be nothing he could do for him, and that was making him increasingly anxious; the very thought of something like that happening to Anastasia... He had to get to the castle as soon as possible.

"You realize this is all useless, don't you?" Subaru said, after wiping his lips with one of his bandaged arms. Otto looked at him sideways, expressionless, at which Subaru thought it pertinent to emphasize with his left hand what was surrounding them; Otto wagged his head mournfully.

Otto remained silent for a moment, before finally daring to speak. He too probably had his mind and heart completely clouded, and so needed to sort out his thoughts. "I know what you're talking about, Natsuki... But we can't do that to Leith, we have to allow him the chance to look for his family." He replied, trying hard not to break down emotionally just like Subaru. "And I know you'll think what I'm about to say is stupidly optimistic, but until we get there, we can't rush to conclusions; maybe they've managed to avoid this whole catastrophe."

They did not; Subaru was tempted to respond, though he refrained from doing so. Subaru, despite having personally witnessed the terrible future that was approaching, let himself be engulfed by Otto's unfounded optimism, as if it were quicksand gradually swallowing him up. Maybe I'm wrong, he thought. We left a little earlier than the previous time, so it could be that they haven't died yet; he forced himself to believe.

The death scene in the commercial district was exactly the same as the one they witnessed before dying at the hands of the cult, so there was no reason to believe that what happened at Leith's parents' house would be even the slightest bit different. Nevertheless, Subaru really did emotionally require that self-indulgent, pathetic faith.

Comprehending that Subaru would no longer urgently require his emotional support, Otto stepped away from him and cast a glance at Leith, who was silently leading the group through the ocean of sins that had once been the main marketplace of the southeastern part of Lugunica's commercial district. With a lifeless look plastered on his pale face, Leith Hendar was mentally incapacitated from processing the catastrophe that surrounded him in every way.

Until then, Otto had preferred not to intervene, thus giving his companion the space he felt he needed to begin to digest the sudden and regrettable events that were taking place. However, his conversation with Subaru had had the opposite effect to what he expected, at least as far as he himself was concerned.

Subaru had chosen to create a metaphorical shell around his head, an illusion, a lie. He had decided to have faith in an artifice of his mind, at least so that he would not wind up giving in to the logical concerns that arose in his heart and begged him to leave Leith's family for dead, and rescind from continuing to stray from his path to the castle, which would have been considerably safer so long as he avoided the eastern part of the commercial zone.

Subaru had decided to believe a lie because of Otto's foolishly naïve words. However, just as he had been affected by the merchant's words, the merchant himself had been affected by Subaru's pessimistic but realistic words; Otto was beginning to assume that the life of his craftsman friend's family had probably perished, just like the lives of all the people whose butchered corpses surrounded them.

Being encircled by such a grim scenario made it extremely difficult to have any kind of remotely positive thought. Like candlelight in a gloomy forest on a dark night of a new moon, the overwhelming darkness devoured the slightest bit of light that dared to oppose it. And Otto feared that when the shell Leith was using to protect his soul finally broke, his mind and heart would break along with it.

Leith might never be able to overcome the emotional impact of seeing his reason for living consumed by the flames of human cruelty. He would end up isolating himself in a mental cage, where he would not have to acknowledge or deal with the existence of the deep wounds left by the shock and subsequent traumas.

After seeing how Subaru had been gnawed away by bearing a slightly similar situation, Otto would not accept to stand idly by. Even if he was unable to find adequate words to help Leith, he would at least express his unconditional support through his presence and the warmth of life that emanated from it. This was how he had decided he would convey his message to him, the same message he had already conveyed to Subaru: "you are not alone, man."

Subaru, his heart constricted, watched silently as Otto slowly approached Leith and began to walk beside him, without uttering a word. The silence of death would not be tormented even by those renegades that sailed through its veins. Veins, an appropriate way to call the streets of the area they were traveling through; the rivers of blood marked the way to the endless tragedy that awaited them in the first of their destinations. Would death be the last?

Subaru then heard heavy footsteps approaching him. Tensely moving his head, he looked at the one who had relieved Otto; it was Utada, whose eyes glittered dangerously in the evening light. "Tell me something Subaru-sama..." The warrior requested him. "Yer reaction just now, and at Hendar-san's house, was it due to yer blessin' bein' triggered?"

Utada had asked him a concise and to the point question, a question that Subaru admittedly had been waiting for. The demi-human bodyguard was aware of his false "blessing" and possessed the necessary wit to come to such a conclusion; now all that was needed was confirmation from Subaru himself.

"Yes." Subaru replied, straightforwardly. There was no point in beating around the bush or wasting time rambling.

"Then could I ask 'bout the vision ya had?" Again, Utada had acted as Subaru had assumed he would. After all, it was to be expected that, after the activation of the false Divine Protection he had been born with had been confirmed, Utada would want to inquire about the future that had been presented to him in the vision.

"… Hell, Utada… Hell…" Subaru replied after tense seconds of contemplative silence.

"Did Hendar-san's family appear in your vision?" Utada questioned him, receiving a nod in reply. "Are they dead?" For a moment, Subaru hesitated to answer, but ultimately gave a second nod. "In that case, why're we wastin' our time goin' to that place?"

"Because I couldn't deny Leith from searching for his family..." Ashamed, Subaru lowered his head slightly.

"Subaru-sama, it's not for me to question your decisions, after all my job's to follow ya wherever ya go and protect ya, but I don't think takin' Hendar-san to the scene of the murder of his entire family is gonna help him in the slightest." Subaru knew Utada was right, Subaru was aware that he was not handling the situation in the best way, and yet he did not feel able to stop Leith to make him confront the terrible reality without him having to witness it with his own eyes.

"Maybe this time it'll fail, Utada..." Subaru claimed pathetically, clinging to the fragile illusion he had by choice imprisoned himself in. Just minutes could make a difference, that was something he needed to believe... "Or maybe a worthless sinner like myself simply can't stop someone like Leith from facing his fate..." He concluded, looking up and hastening his pace. Utada and Subaru's reasoning were aligned, both of them aiming at the castle that followed them parallel from the distance; however, he, with both hands placed over his ears, refused to listen.

Splash, resounded the crimson river, as the footsteps crossed it. The world of violence around them had only increased as they neared their destination, and the sound of the rivulets of blood beneath their feet was in crescendo. Finally, their gazes settled on the front of the semi-demolished wooden house, whose porch greeted its visitors with five pairs of crimson-tinted eyeballs, as if the door itself was suffering from the demonic work it concealed...

"Aaaaaaaaggghhhhh!" Leith's distraught, despairing scream finally reached his ears, shattering the shell and the illusion that made it up; the tragic death of Leith's family was inescapable, inevitable.

While Subaru was sinking in guilt and shame, Otto frightenedly approached the entrance to the house. However, before he fully crossed the threshold that would lead him into a twisted nightmarish world, he stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Subaru. The two exchanged silent glances, and Subaru was able to notice how his merchant friend's composure slowly crumbled. Subaru would not be accompanying him, Otto finally internalized that inescapable reality. Pallid, Otto turned around again and entered the house; to almost immediately return and fall to his knees on the porch, completely expelling the contents of his stomach.

"We must avoid that area..." Subaru muttered, pointing to the beeline path that would lead them to the castle. Utada, who all that time had been at his side, nodded silently, indicating understanding.

Subaru had realized that he could do nothing for his friends but watch them suffer as a world to which they had always been oblivious swallowed them alive. They had both been through some tribulations, but they had never faced the overwhelming abyss of death. He could no longer waste time with self-indulgent illusions, he had a hell to go through and a destination to reach.

And now that he had finally confirmed that Return by Death would not reverse the massacre of Leith's family, his urge to escape from the dangers lurking in the commercial district and the lower noble district had greatly increased. Now that he could no longer maintain the illusory shell over his head, he would have to face the cruel reality that not all fates were within his reach.

Anastasia's future danced in his hand, but would it do so forever? He needed to confirm Anastasia and Mimi's well-being, he needed to make sure that their lives, pasts, presents and futures had not strayed too far from his grasp; for the very idea that he had ceased to have control over Anastasia Hoshin's fate terrified him more than his own death.