—11 days later—
—Harry POV—
My eyes snapped open, and after a second, I realized I was in bed, with Draco by my side. I caught my breath in an attempt to calm down, vivid memories of the Dursley's in my mind.
Carefully, I left the bed, hopefully without waking Draco, and made my way to the bathroom. "Go- cupboard- stay- no meals." Once there, the first thing I did was close the door, and splash my face with cold water. My pulse was in my throat, and my head was pounding. I backed into the wall and sunk to the floor, breathing heavily."I'll flay you to within an inch of your life when the Mason's leave boy." I screwed my eyes shut in a weak attempt to ease the pain, but it only made my spinning head feel worse. My irregular breathing became a thing of minimal focus, as my tears choked me up threatening to fall. "I'm locking you up. ... You're never going back to that school... never... and if you try and magic yourself out—they'll expel you!" I put my hands to my head and hit it against the wall behind me, instantly regretting it. What if I wake Draco? I allowed myself to fall sideways onto the floor and curled into a ball. I inhaled sharply as my tears finally fell, letting out an audible gasp. I quickly covered my mouth. I don't want to wake him, he's been getting less sleep because of me. He deserves a night without my problems.
Why did I agree to meet with Dudley this Christmas? It's a trap. He's going to have Uncle Vernon strangle me. It's not like he's never tried to choke me before. Now I don't even need Uncle Vernon's help to feel like I'm suffocating. My mind lets me feel that all on my own. I eyed the sink, and the drawer right below it, knowing what sits in there. The blade I took back in London. Maybe it can help. Instead of letting tears flow I can let my blood flow. I'll release myself that way. Besides, it's silent. Draco won't be woken by me again. And I don't have to cry, like a stupid child. I told myself, reaching to open the drawer.
My fingers ran across the small blade sitting in the drawer. I grabbed it, closing the drawer silently, and sitting up against the wall. I brought a shaking hand to my left wrist, and dragged the blade slowly and lightly. Nothing happened except me feeling the touch of a cold blade for the first time in a month. my next swipe held more pressure, mostly to stop my shaking. It was as though each millimeter passed by the knife could be felt opening individually, forming a trail of broken skin where a rush of color led to beads of crimson. I sniffled, taking a beep breath. I felt relieved and open. I made another cut, followed by another, and another.
After becoming eerily calmed, and having red lines over old scars on both of my arms, I washed the blade and hid it again, before rinsing the blood off and dabbing my small slits with toilet paper, which I then promptly flushed down the toilet. I took another deep breath, grateful to have been able to calm down.
*knock knock*
My head snapped in the direction of the closed door next to me, and I began to panic. He'll see. The one night I sleep in short sleeves, and leave my wand in the bedroom. Fuck.
"Harry?" Whispered Draco through the door.
"Yeah. I'm finishing up." I whispered urgently, turning the sink on and rinsing my hands. After, I turned the light off and opened the door. He stared sleepily, I didn't move or speak.
"May I use the bathroom?" He asked expectantly. I snapped out of my panicked daze.
"Yeah. Yeah... Sorry." I said, moving out of the way. He closed the door behind me and I went back to the room, laying down in my original spot. After around 3 minutes, Draco came back. I turned onto my side, facing away from him.
"You looked like you were crying. Are you ok?" He asked.
"I wasn't crying." I told him, burying myself deeper into the blanket, feeling like he knew what I did.
"But are you okay?" I could feel his line of sight on the back of my head.
"Y- of course. I'm- just tired."
"Okay... goodnight."
"Goodnight." I told him. However, I didn't go back to sleep, remembering more.
I ran down the stairs two at a time, coming to an abrupt halt several steps from the bottom, as long experience had taughtmeto remain out of arm's reach ofUncle Vernon whenever possible.
I felt as if my head had been split in two; eyes streaming, I swayed, trying to focus on the street and spot the source of the noise, but I had barely gotten upright again when two large hands reached through the open window and closed tightly around my neck.
"Put — it — away!" Uncle Vernon snarled.
"Now! Before — anyone — sees!"
"Get — off — me!" I gasped, struggling to breathe. I kept trying to pry his fingers off of me with my left hand, my right firmly gripping my wand.
I shuddered, remembering that as one of the two times I'd accidentally electrocuted uncle Vernon, except that time, I knew about magic, and so did he. I felt an uncomfortable pit forming in my stomach, and suddenly everything felt cold. I turned my head and noticed Draco fell back to sleep, so I turned around and hugged him tightly, in need of comfort. He returned it. I felt my headache return, causing me to scrunch my face.
Soon, there was a feather-soft pair of lips placing a peck upon my forehead.
"Talk to me. What's wrong?" He whispered gently, with tiredness in his voice. I shook my head.
"It's okay..." I told him.
"Does it have to do with that letter you received today in the muggle mail? What was it about?"
"It's nothing important. My head just hurts a lot." I said, burying myself further into our hug, letting his warmth encase me.
"You know I'll be here for you during everything." He said, placing a small kiss on my temple. "Tell me when you're ready."
—
The next morning, I woke to Draco shaking me.
"Hey. We've all been up for a while... Come on, get up. You have to eat and take your medicine." I turned around and looked up at him for a second before turning onto my stomach and pulling the covers over my head, which were promptly yanked away. I made sure my arms were hidden.
"Let's go. The day has already started." He said as though he were a parent, I could sense him standing by the bed. I just knew his arms were crossed. I only groaned, finding the covers and covering myself again, wanting the comfort of soft warmth.
His demeanor changed when he realized I wasn't going to summon the energy to talk. Everything was heavy, weighing me down and keeping me with an overwhelming desire to do absolutely nothing.
"Are you doing okay?" He asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I didn't move or show any indication towards answering. I only hoped he'd get the message.
"I'll bring your medicine up..." he moved to get off of the bed, and before then, I moved my hand slightly and tapped on whatever part of him I landed on, signaling that I just want to stay laying down with him.
"Soon, okay? I need to take care of Scorpius."
I nodded slightly in understanding, and he left the room. I felt the heavy lull of time as my head spun, causing my perception of reality to swirl and blur. Draco came back with two pills and a glass of water.
"Here." He said while sitting down on the side of the bed again. I didn't move, feeling drained.
"Harry, you know I'm not leaving until you take it." I nodded minimally.
"What's wrong?" He said. I heard the clink of the glass on the nightstand.
"Harry..."
With all of the strength I could muster I spoke.
"I don't want to get up" Those 6 simple words sucked all of my energy from me, leaving an uncomfortable feeling in the center of my chest. There was a silence, everything spun around again.
"Today is one of those days..." he said in understanding. And for the third time today, a sharp pain came through to the front of my head. I squeezed my face in discomfort.
"The medicine will help you feel better, come on. You can lay back down after you take it." I flopped around and looked at him with a bothered expression. His expression was a pleading one. I slowly rose, feeling my heaviness attempt to push me down and the fuzziness in my brain swirl and settle to the bottom of my mind, before taking my meds, and taking a sip of water, carefully positioning my arms in a way so he couldn't see my new scars. The ones flooded with guilt from going behind his back and not telling him. I laid back down.
—
About an hour and a half later I decided to get up, feeling hungry. I rolled off the bed and left the room soundlessly, not wanting to bother anyone, and made my way to the kitchen, where Draco was leaning over a sheet of parchment, and Scorpius was staring intently at whatever Draco was writing.
"No. You have to remember to carry the one."
"But I already moved the one!"
"No you-" he took a deep breath in frustration, his head was in his hands and a pencil was in the other.
"You need to carry the four from here to here and THEN you carry the ONE from there to the hundreds place." Said Draco in an exasperated tone.
I decided to leave myself out of their discussion, still not feeling fully better from last night and this morning. I stepped over to the fridge, and Draco turned over.
"Hi. Are you hungry? There's leftover eggs from breakfast if you-"
"Yeah..." I said shyly. Feeling bad for interrupting.
He walked over to the microwave and pressed on the '30 seconds' button before turning to face me.
"Are you feeling better?" I nodded.
"Good. What was all that about the letter you received yesterd-"
"You didn't read it right?" He eyed me suspiciously after my remark.
"...no? Why?"
"It's just, stupid stuff..." I said. The microwave beeped. And Draco turned over to turn off the microwave and take out my plate.
"I could have prepared it... you didn't have to go through that." I said, my arms became slightly itchy and my chest tightened slightly.
"Oh please it was one button to press. You have to let me do some things for you, besides I really don't mind." He said while pulling out a fork from the drawer.
"You already do so much-" he put the plate in my hands and stared into my eyes.
"And I want to do more. Go ahead and eat." He said softly. I sat down by the kitchen counter and began eating small bits as my mind wandered.
I need to tell him what I did last night. But I would just be bothering him. What if he's ok with it? Of course he won't be ok with it. But what if he can help? What if he just gets mad? But he hasn't gotten mad. He told me to talk to him. But I didn't. He'd be disappointed, no, mad. I was tapping my fingers on the table in a rapid fashion and didn't realize that I'd stopped eating after 6 bites.
"Harry, are you ok?" Asked Draco, peering over from the parchment he'd been working on with Scorpius, who just looked over at me with no expression. I looked in his direction.
"Yeah. I think I'm going to return to the bedroom. Thank you for the food." I said, getting up and leaving the kitchen.
I took a deep breath, making my way to the room, entering and closing the door.
It's fine. Everything is fine. I told myself. It's ok. Nothing happened. Breathe.
Breathe.
I closed my eyes and focused on my surroundings. I need to tell him.