Chapter 45: Pillow Talk

AN: I would like to make it absolutely clear that I do not and have never thought that Europe is a country. I have been to several different European countries on several different occasions. Moreover, I could not have gone through four full years of university while thinking that Europe is a country, especially not when I have studied the languages and histories of quite a few European countries. I was not aware that I had to be extremely explicit with my sentence construction to ensure that no one thought that I considered Europe to be a country. I am not an ignoramus, and do not assume that I am.

Love lies by Khalid and Normani

Haunted by the vision I'd had of my parents crying over the photograph of me, during the third week of January I got it into my head to sneak into the Divination classroom in search of other objects that might help me see more of my family's future. That bloody crystal ball I'd stolen hadn't done anything, and I was beginning to suspect that it was defective. It merely taunted me with its misty clouds, and if it could have, it would've stuck its tongue out at me like a petulant arsehole. I needed to switch it for a new one before it attacked me in the night.

While everyone was ensconced in the library studying or spending time with friends in their Common Room, I used my tiger ears and night vision to pad up to the North Tower and through the circular trapdoor into the stifling Divination classroom. The musty smell of long-forgotten books immediately hit my nose as my eyes took in the darkened classroom. Not needing to light a lamp or use lumos, I replaced the crystal ball that I'd stolen on a bookshelf before scouring the room for anything of use, trying my best not to knock over any of the small tables and pouffes.

I was rifling through a box near the professor's desk when I heard a noise at the trapdoor. Frantically searching for a hiding spot but finding none, I withdrew my wand and decided to simply hope for the best. As soon as the trapdoor opened and the figure emerged tall and proud, I was hit with a faint whiff of dog.

I tucked my wand back into my pocket and grumbled, "Jesus Christ, Sirius. Don't sneak up on me like that."

He flipped the trapdoor closed with a loud bang, not giving a single shit. He was a master troublemaker after all. "I thought I couldn't sneak up on you? With your hearing and all that."

"This is different. I can't smell or hear well through a trapdoor."

"You should really work on improving that then, kitten."

"Piss off, you silly dog."

His bark of laughter was the only response he needed.

I smiled. I wasn't truly angry with him. In fact, I liked having him around. Resuming my rifling, I said, "Did you track me down with the Map?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

He didn't immediately have an answer for that, and I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he walked the perimetre of the classroom, drawing aside the window curtains to look at the grounds and roofs far below. "You're not exactly in an inconspicuous location, kitten."

"I know. But you didn't have to come."

"Yeah, I didn't have to. But I wanted to. I'm the only one who knows… what you are and I reckon it's not a good sign for you to be here. What I mean is that I know you're here for a reason, Kersti. Probably because of some Seer shit you're dealing with."

I buried my face in a nearby box of broken teacups, pretending there was the answer to all of my grief and worries at the bottom.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he said quietly.

"Maybe."

"Fancy talking about it?"

"No, not really."

He sighed. "Okay, well, I knew you wouldn't want to. But I still think you should."

"I don't think I should," I replied, a petulant note slipping into my tone.

"And you think bottling it all up, pushing everyone away, going off on your own and never talking about it is going to help anyone, least of all yourself? Take a look at how that's been working for you recently, kitten."

I stood up in shock and looked across the room at Sirius, who was facing me resolutely with his hands in his pockets. "You're rather confrontational this evening, old man," I said.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're acting like Moony did in the beginning, so you're not fooling me, kitten."

"Oh," I said quietly.

"It was really hard seeing Moony doing that to himself when we all care about him so much. And it's hard for me, seeing you doing this to yourself."

"Oh," I said again, even quieter.

"Wasn't that the whole point of telling me, Kersti? So you can rely on someone for once? You said so yourself in the Prefects' Bath."

"I s'ppose so," I mumbled.

"So, what're you doing in here, kitten?"

"Returning a crystal ball I nicked and looking to nick another object to help me see more about my family's future."

He grinned. "Nice. Well, not about your family's future, but I had no idea you nicked things from the Divination classroom too."

"Isn't this a repeat of the past, old man?" I said with a twist to my lips.

"Apparently. Why're you trying to see more of your family's future?"

I sighed and walked over to him standing next to the window, avoiding his eyes by looking outside like he had. "I want to know if I made the right choice. I want to know if my grief is worth the better life that I gave them, if said grief ruining my life at least serves a higher purpose. I'm just trying to make sense of my mourning, to give it a purpose."

He studied me. "You think your life is being ruined now?"

"It feels like that sometimes."

"It's not always going to be this painful."

I splayed a hand against the window pane. "S'hard keeping that in mind in the thick of it."

"What can I do to help you, kitten?" he said quietly, taking my other hand in his. "Just tell me what I can do."

"I just don't want to think about it anymore."

"You want a distraction?"

"I'm sorry, that sounds bad. It's not like you're only a distraction to me, since you mean more to me than that, I—"

He planted a sloppy, Padfoot-esque kiss on my cheek, making me giggle. "I know what you mean. And I'm the best distraction." He let go of my hand to pull the Marauders' Map out of his robe pocket. Shooting me a grin, he unfolded it and tapped it with his wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

I moved to stand beside him so I could look at it too. "Are we going on another crusade against Avery?"

"Depends. Fancy that?"

"Nah, not really."

"Bloody hell, how can you even see details in this light?" he grumbled, squinting comically and bringing the Map within a hair's breadth from his face. I laughed, cast lumos, and he lowered it, watching me with bright eyes.

I smiled and looked back down at the parchment, holding my lit wand tip over it. "Got any other ideas, old man?"

"To suitably distract you? Well, there's always the classic—" He broke off to smack my arse.

I laughed and looked at the Map. "We can't go to your dormitory, since it's full," I said, pointing to the two dots of James and Lily already there by themselves. "But mine is empty."

"Yours it is, kitten," he said, folding the piece of parchment and tucking it back into his pocket with a wide smile.

It didn't take us long to race each other back to my dormitory. We got through the door and I guided him over to my bed, pushing him down onto it with a laugh.

"Wow, kitten," he said, grinning and tossing his shoes under the bed.

"I want some privacy, okay? In case one of my friends comes back while we're shagging." I kneeled on my bed facing away from him, drawing the curtains closed and casting a silencing charm with a flick of my wand.

Sirius sat up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling my back. "Why're your clothes still on, kitten?"

"You're impatient today," I said with a laugh, chucking my shoes onto the floor.

He paused his nuzzling to pull my outer robes off before throwing them onto the end of the bed. "I'm impatient because I can't get enough of you."

"I can tell," I said, lying back to shimmy out of my skirt.

Sirius shifted to watch me undress, helping me drag my tights and knickers down my legs. Pulling my jumper over my head, I lay down and started on the buttons of my uniform shirt. He smiled and ran a hand over my now-bare calf.

"What're you smiling at, old man?" I asked, throwing my tie onto the floor.

He looked up from caressing my legs. "You're just so perfect."

I flushed and slipped out of my uniform shirt and bra. Sitting up, I said, "Why're you still in your clothes?"

He grinned and his hands left my legs to start on his belt buckle. "I was just admiring the view."

I leaned over to start on his shirt buttons, and in my haste, I ripped several. "Fuck," I cursed, leaning over to kiss him.

"You're destroying my uniform, kitten," he whispered against my lips in between hot and needy kisses.

"I doubt you're too sad about it," I whispered back, slipping his shirt off his shoulders and chucking it disdainfully onto the floor as he rid himself of his remaining clothes.

His hands were on my waist, gripping me to him, lips nipping and sucking with such fervour that it made me groan. After all, there was nothing more satisfying than seeing how barmy I made him. He leaned forward and we fell back onto the bed, his body crushing me in the best way possible.

"Fuck," he groaned, mouth moving so quickly over my jaw, down my neck, sucking and leaving love-bites along the way.

I plunged a hand into his soft hair as his mouth moved farther down, travelling over the tender skin of my breasts which bore faint, yellowing bruise marks from his love-bites in the Prefects' Bath. Leaving a faint trail of wetness behind, he reached my right nipple and sucked on it hard, making me writhe and moan.

"Fuck!" I hissed in pleasure. "God, Sirius."

He growled something unintelligible into my skin and rolled his hips forward, his erection poking me.

I gripped his hair as my hips jerked up involuntarily. "Oh, my god," I groaned.

His answer was to place a flurry of open-mouthed kisses against my breast and reach a hand down between our bodies to rub my clit.

I panted and cried out, grateful that I'd cast that silencing charm.

"Fuck, kitten," he breathed against my wettened skin, the chilling sensation driving me wild.

I shivered in delight and squirmed. "Wait."

He looked up, concern in his grey eyes. "What is it?"

I smiled and stroked a thumb over his cheekbone. "My turn."

He grinned and pulled his body weight off me, shifting to lie back with his head on my pillow. I wanted to worship his body in the same way that he did to me, because I was in awe of him just as he was of me.

I started with his long legs, running my palms up the length of them before leaning down to kiss his shins and knees, tracing a finger over the outline of his bones. I stopped when I noticed a faded scar on his shin. "What's this from?" I asked, moving the pad of my finger along it.

"Fell off my motorbike when I was staying at Prongs's place after I ran away. I was still sort of learning how to ride it. Well, Prongs was driving it and I was in the sidecar. He dared me to stand up while he picked up speed."

"Crazy boys."

"I fell in a grassy ditch, so it could've been worse. Came out with twigs in my hair and leaves down my shorts."

I laughed and kissed the scar. "You're crazy, Sirius."

I moved farther up his legs, reverently kissing his thighs but avoiding his erection, making him groan.

"You're teasing me, kitten," he sighed.

I hummed into his skin in response, tracing my tongue over his hip bones. I took my time memorizing the feel of his abdomen, lips covering every inch of skin and paying homage to his pale beauty.

"Is this what I get for teasing you too much?" he groaned, burying a hand in my hair.

I giggled and nosed at his navel as if I were Stripes investigating him, like in the forest. "Maybe."

"You're ruthless, you know that?" he murmured.

"I know," I said. Catching him by surprise, I dipped the tip of my nose into his navel.

He barked with laughter, the muscles of his abdomen contracting. "Merlin's beard!" he got out between wheezes. I laughed and looked up, finding him already half-propped up on his elbows and watching me. He smiled. "Careful, I'm going to do that to you when you're least expecting it."

I wiggled my eyebrows. "I'd be surprised if you didn't."

"Is that a challenge?"

I grinned in response and leaned forward to kiss him fleetingly on the lips, before pushing him back down on the bed. "I'm not done yet, you silly dog."

"Help me, I'm afraid. There's a tiger sniffing me," he pretended to whimper.

I chuckled and dipped my head back down to kiss along his abdomen. When I'd memorized every inch of his smooth, pale skin there, I moved up to his chest, repeating the same religiously reverent process until he was sighing from the bliss. I switched my focus to his left arm. Making sure to take my time, I ran my fingers and palm over his shoulder and bicep, then moved lower to trace the curve of his elbow and the veins that stood up under the skin of his forearm. Following the wheeling, curving path of a vein downwards, I reached his left hand and paid it the same thorough, detailed attention as I had for the rest of him so far.

Drawing his hand into mine, I pressed my mouth to his palm. "Mmm, I do like your hands," I murmured. "But I really do adore the rest of you anyway." I stiffened, my body flashing hot with embarrassment that I'd let that slip. Hoping to distract him from what I'd just said, I kissed his fingertips, avoiding his gaze as the colour crept up my neck to my cheeks.

He let out a deep breath that he'd been holding in, his other hand caressing my thigh.

I repeated the same slow, loving exploration with his other hand. Over and over as I kissed his palm and knuckles, my words echoed in my head. With a rush of prickling heat that made me flush red, I realized that I was falling in love with him. And why wouldn't I be? I was completely enamoured with Sirius and at this point there was no way that I couldn't not fall in love with him, after everything that had happened to bring us closer together.

"Come here, kitten," he said hoarsely.

I raised my head and smiled. "Did you have something in mind?"

His lips twisted into a playful smirk. "Yeah, if you want to."

"I'm all ears."

He guided my body so that I was kneeling facing his feet, legs on either side of his head, my dripping cunt hovering inches above his mouth. I braced a hand next to his leg as he wrapped one arm around my thigh, using his other hand to draw a cursory finger along my slit.

Sirius leaned in to press kisses at the juncture of my thighs, making me shiver. "Mmm, kitten," he mumbled against my skin.

"I've never done this position before," I groaned, wrapping my hand around the base of his erection.

"I can guarantee you'll like it," he said, breath tickling my wetness, before he settled his mouth against me and I gasped.

I cursed under my breath before I dipped my head down to take him into my mouth, which made his hips jerk up involuntarily.

He focused on my clit with his lips and tongue, slipping a finger inside me while I moaned around him in my mouth, trying my best to concentrate on both getting him off while he was driving me insane with his warm lips, soft tongue, and deft fingers. He sucked on my clit, and my resulting cry was muffled as I took as much as I could of him without gagging. From the sheer newness of the position, it wasn't long before he had me coming on his face, my task of getting him off momentarily forgotten as my hips jerked and my legs clenched around his head.

I half-sighed, half-giggled as I leaned my forehead against his hip. "Sorry, forgot what I was doing there for a second."

He chuckled, the sound rumbling through me. "That means I did a good job."

Smiling, I resumed my task, and in a few minutes I had him coming in my mouth as he cursed and panted.

He nuzzled my inner thigh as he caught his breath. "Merlin, how's it so good every time with you?"

"Dunno. I've been wondering the same thing," I said, planting a last kiss on his abdomen before rolling off him.

He propped himself up on his elbows to watch me wiping dribbles of his cum from my chin at the end of the bed. Grinning, he said, "You're so bloody beautiful, Kersti. And I'm not just saying that because you gave me an amazing blowjob."

I smiled, my stomach flip-flopping. "I take it you liked it?"

He cocked an eyebrow, wiping remnants of me from his mouth with the back of his hand. "Do you even have to ask that?"

I shrugged and gave him a cheeky smile. "No, I just want to hear you say it."

He let out a bark of laughter before peeling back the covers and getting comfortable under them, patting the spot next to him. "Come here, kitten."

My laugh turned into a sigh of contentment as I buried myself under the duvet with him, the warmth of his body bleeding into mine as we tangled our limbs together. I pressed myself closer, burying my face in his chest, his arms wrapping around me. "Mmm, we should always cuddle under the covers after sex."

"That sounds lovely," he said, dropping a kiss on the top of my head and nuzzling my hair.

"So cozy," I murmured before pressing a kiss to his skin.

His chuckle rumbled through me, his fingers stroking over my arm. After a moment of comfortable silence, he said, "You know I'd hunt down Avery for you and squash him like a bug, yeah? Just say the word and I can do it. I know you don't need that extra stress in your life. Tell me if there's anything I can do for you, kitten."

I smiled and pressed kisses against his bare chest. "Thank you, Sirius. Simply spending time with you like this is all I need for the stress. You make me ridiculously happy and you always take my mind off my problems. I couldn't ask for more than that and I appreciate how much time you've been spending with me recently, I really do."

He hummed and kissed my hair. "You make me ridiculously happy too, Kersti."

"Really?" I asked quietly.

"Of course. Don't sound so surprised. I can't stop laughing and smiling like a bloody idiot when I'm around you. That's one of the things I missed most over the holidays: your jokes and teasing, and how you always make me laugh."

"I missed how you make me laugh over the holidays too. And I wanted you there to cheer me up. I reckon you would've liked having the hotel room to ourselves."

"You stayed in a hotel over the holidays?" he asked, drawing back to meet my eyes.

"Just after I obliviated them. I had to leave my house of course."

He smiled sadly before pulling me close once more. "I reckon I would've liked having a hotel room too. Lots of privacy to shag you."

I giggled and said, "And to talk."

"Mmm, that too. Merlin, Kersti," he breathed, stirring my hair. "I missed you so much over the holidays."

I curled closer to his warm body. "I missed you so much too. I reckon I took for granted seeing you nearly every day here."

"Me too."

"You've got no choice but to see me every day now, since I won't leave you alone."

He chuckled. "I never said I wanted you to leave me alone. In fact, I can't seem to spend enough time with you. It always leaves me wanting more, you know?"

"Yeah, I feel the same way."

He shifted slightly and nuzzled the top of my head, our legs intertwined. "Can I tell you more about my flat?"

"Sure. How come?"

He hesitated a moment too long for it to be convincing. "Oh, no reason."

I laughed against his skin. "That doesn't seem like something you'd do."

"What, telling you about my flat for no reason?"

"I suspect an ulterior motive."

He laughed and squeezed me to him. "I have no idea what you're talking about, kitten."

I drew back far enough to meet his eyes. "You're a sly, goofy dog."

He grinned, his head so close to mine on the pillow. "You like it, so it's not like I'm going to change."

"Guilty as charged."

His expression became thoughtfully serious. "My flat is in London, so it wouldn't be too far away from your family in Reading if you wanted to… stay with me and keep an eye on them."

I laid a hand on his cheek, moving my thumb back and forth over his cheekbones which I liked so much. "They're in Leeds now. I sent them north to keep them safer."

"Sorry, kitten," he whispered, squeezing my other hand under the duvet. "I should've known."

"S'okay. Not your fault," I mumbled.

Sensing my shift in mood, Sirius changed the subject. "I reckon Regulus is very different from your brother Magnus."

I hummed in agreement. "Besides the obvious difference in complexion and hair colour."

"Of course, kitten. For starters with me and Regulus, we were never that close. Maybe when we were really young, but Regulus was always the good pureblood son, so he was their favourite. Didn't help that my favourite cousin Andromeda started deviating from the pureblood agenda when she was young too, or 'showing signs of becoming a blood traitor' as Mother Dearest put it so beautifully," he said, the last part dripping with sarcasm.

"Is she your age?" I asked.

His grey eyes never left my face, seemingly ever vigilant that I would reject him. "No, she's six years older than me. Regulus and I spent quite a bit of time with Andy and her two raving-mad sisters when we were really little, but I haven't seen her since she got disowned. When her other two sisters, Bellatrix and Narcissa, started going on about the blood purism rot, Regulus would always look up to them. Even more so when he got older and started at Hogwarts. Merlin, I made quite the scene getting sorted into Gryffindor, but Regulus getting sorted into Slytherin at least partially smoothed things over for the reputation of the Blacks," he said with a derisive chuckle.

I remained quiet while Sirius looked up at the ceiling, gathering his thoughts. He cleared his throat and resumed. "Like I told you before, Regulus at least tried to intervene with Mother and Father Dearest, but he couldn't properly until he was older and had the presence and height to hold back my father. Sure, he's never been heartless and totally lacking his sanity and moral compass like bloody Bellatrix or my mother, so at least I felt like he partially had my back when I was in that shithole. But he never really understood why I had to run away. He got so whiny when I tried to tell him once. After that, I tried my best to convince him I'd been taking the piss when I'd mentioned running away from home. Of course, I never hinted at anything with my parents. I was just there one day, the next…" He gave me a pinched smile. "And the next I wasn't. Not like they missed me. They were probably happy to be rid of me."

"What about Regulus? Do you think he ever missed you?"

Sirius didn't say anything for a long moment, simply watching my face as he rubbed his thumb over my wrist under the sheets. "I dunno, kitten. It's hard to tell. We don't acknowledge each other any more this year in the castle than we did in previous years. It was always like that, even from the beginning, because of him being in Slytherin and being part of the blood purist crowd. Where I failed to uphold the traditions of the Black family, Regulus always succeeded. I mean, for Merlin's sake, he's even in Slug Club."

"I can see that," I said softly, cupping his jaw.

"Must have a great time talking about how the Blacks are so noble and ancient and pure and all that rot during those bloody parties they have," Sirius said, the caustic tone in his voice making my lips quirk into a smile. "I'd rather go bald than be caught at one of their club dinners."

"Me too."

"I felt bad for Prongs having to go with Evans to the Christmas party they have. But I reckon he could at least do a better job fitting in than I ever could. The Potters are considered to be blood traitors too, but I'm really the black sheep. Of course, Prongs knew better than to bring up Regulus being at the party when he came back to the dormitory. After I ran away, I told them all that as far as I was concerned, Regulus wasn't— and had never been— my brother, that the Marauders were my true brothers. Since then, they've never brought him up in conversation. Well, until you saw him at the platform."

I hummed in agreement, treasuring the feel of his skin under my thumb. "Thank you for telling me about Regulus, even though it's a tough subject for you."

He smiled and squeezed my other hand in his. "S'okay, kitten. I want to tell you. There's really so much I want to share with you."

I said hesitantly, "Like your flat?"

"Yeah. I just… I want to share everything with you. It's so hard for me to talk about my family and I never tell anyone about them, but I like telling you. I want to…" He swallowed, his haunting grey eyes scanning my face. "I want to share my life with you," he whispered.

I smiled and the beginnings of tears stung my eyes. "Sirius, I…"

"I'm not trying to force you or anything," he said quickly.

I smiled wider. "No, it's not that. Sirius, I just feel so lucky that you've told me about your family and that you've shared these parts of your life. And if you want to, I'd… I'd love to share my life with you," I whispered. "And I'm so glad that I've already begun telling you about my life, the one I hide from everyone else. There's no one I'd want to know more about me being a Seer than you."

He shifted closer, kissing me softly and slowly to express his feelings, instead of using words. Pulling away, he sighed and smiled. "You're something else, kitten. I wish I'd met you earlier than this year. But I reckon if I had, I would've fucked everything up."

"What do you mean?" I asked, propping myself up on an elbow to look down at him.

He shifted to look up at the indigo ceiling, running a hand through his hair. "Dunno, I reckon…" His lips twisted into a wry smile as he glanced over at me. "I wouldn't've continued shagging only you because I used to see that as a threat to my freedom and independence. And then I would've let this all go to waste."

"If it makes you feel better, I would've shut down any of your attempts to get into my trousers if you'd met me earlier. I wasn't in the right headspace for casually shagging anyone, not to mention that I was still a virgin."

He studied me. "Would you've wanted your first time to be with me?"

I shrugged. "Hard to say. I wasn't the same person in the summer when I first had sex as I am now."

"Yeah." He furrowed his eyebrows. "Can I ask you something, kitten?"

I smiled and stroked his cheekbone. "Yeah."

"What did you do during the holidays, after you obliviated them?"

I focused on my thumb moving back and forth over his cheek as I said, "I went to the hotel, like I said earlier. It was in London and I got there a few days before Christmas."

"What did you do by yourself for two weeks?"

"Visited Muggle museums, galleries, libraries. Or lay in bed in the hotel room, numb to it all. Just being a recluse, really. I went for a couple drives around London in my car. It was mostly a haze, except for when I dreamt of my parents and brother in their new life in Leeds. At least that was a happy dream, so it partially reassured and comforted me." I turned the question gently on him. "What did you do, old man?"

He smiled wryly. "Drank and smoked myself six feet under the table."

"Why?"

The smile slipped from his face as he looked up at me. "Because I was trying to drink away my feelings. I was so bothered when you didn't respond to my letter and I cursed myself for letting you get close enough to hurt me. I was rather angry and bitter during the holidays. Didn't help that Evans brought her Gryffindor friends over for New Year's Eve."

"I would've been there if I'd gotten the letter, yeah?" I said, brushing a dark strand of hair away from his forehead.

He nodded, grey eyes glued to mine. "I wanted you to be there so badly. And I had no idea I was being such a self-centered git, assuming the worst when you didn't write back. I do that, you know. Assume it's all a ploy to attack me. I get my hackles up before I can see sense."

"S'okay, Sirius. I reckon anyone who's been through what you have would be the same. You're just being defensive to keep yourself safe."

"I know, kitten," he murmured, lacing his fingers with mine and bringing our clasped hands to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. "But it makes me do bloody selfish things like yell at you outside the Great Hall when I first saw you again."

I dipped my head down to kiss him softly before lying down beside him. "S'okay, I forgive you."

He stirred my hair with a deep sigh. "I could show you my parents' house sometime, when we're back in London together."

My heart leapt at his words because he'd said "when," and not "if." I swallowed the emotional lump in my throat. "Really?"

"Well, not the inside. It's too warded for that. Not to mention the obvious: I don't fancy running into my parents."

"True. If you want to show me, then I'd like to see it."

He chuckled. "It's a date then. In July when you're visiting me at my flat, I'll take you to dingy old Grimmauld Place."

I froze as my heart raced. Prickling heat covered my body and my throat closed. "W-what?" I choked out.

"Grimmauld Place. That's the street it's on," he said calmly.

I sat bolt upright, clawing at my throat as if that would stop the panic from squeezing it in its fist. Needles of heat stabbed me everywhere and I tossed the covers back from my body, struggling to breath.

Sirius sat up quickly. "What's wrong?"

I clutched my head in my hands. "W-what's the address?" I got out between hyperventilating gasps.

He reached a hand out to comfort me. "Kersti, what—"

"The address!" I said with more force than I'd intended.

He withdrew his hand, looking at me in alarm. "Number… Number 12, Grimmauld Place."

A series of short breaths wracked my body as I hyperventilated, digging my fingers into my skull. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was so stupid. I'd dreamt of his family's home, which meant that he was the one whom I had been in love with in the future, the man I would lose. The tears burst from me like water behind a dam.

"Kitten." He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. "Kitten, what's wrong?" he whispered, planting soothing kisses on top of my head.

I cried into my hands.

He didn't say anything for a laboured moment, and then he asked, "Did you see Grimmauld Place in a dream?"

My tears were all the confirmation he needed.

"S'okay, kitten," he whispered against my hair. "I'm here. I know it's hard, but try to slow your breathing, okay?" He breathed slowly as an example. "Like this."

I matched my breaths with his, and to my surprise, it did calm me down. That, and Sirius's comforting arms around me. When my sobs and ragged breaths had stopped, I mumbled into my hands, "I'll be fine now if you want to go back to your dormitory."

He squeezed me tighter to his chest. "Do you want me to leave?"

I hesitated before I mumbled, "No."

"Then I'll stay. Besides, I want to stay, kitten. I don't feel good leaving you when you're so sad."

I had no words for that. This was Sirius's loyal side in action, and I adored it. I let him coax me into curling back up with him under the covers, his arm a warm weight over my side as he kissed away my tears.

"Fancy hearing more about Regulus?" he whispered, stroking the small of my back.

"Sure," I said into his chest.

"Anything in particular?"

I thought about that for a minute before I said, "What was it like with Regulus and your three female cousins when you were younger?"

"Give me a second to remember, kitten," he said, chuckling and holding me close, our legs tangled together. After a pause, he began. "It was fun if it were just me, Andy, and Regulus, but things always got difficult if Bellatrix was forced to be around us. Narcissa was alright if it were her and Andy only, since she'd mostly stay quiet in the corner. But I liked Andy the most because she was lively. Narcissa was always too withdrawn and stuck-up for me. Reckon she was too embarrassed to be seen with the likes of me, since I was four years younger than her. And this was of course before the Gryffindor grievance. One time, my parents decided to pay them a visit; my mother, Walburga, is their father's older sister, and my mother never even had to change her last name when she married. Their father Cygnus is the youngest, and then Uncle Alphard is in the middle. Though I know that he's been denounced posthumously for leaving the 'blood traitor' gold in his will."

"Posthumously? She sounds like she holds a grudge."

He chuckled. "Oh, you have no idea, kitten. She's a spiteful bitch."

"I'd like to see her try to pull the rug out from under Stripes."

"I'd pay to see that," he said, laughing and kissing the top of my head before continuing. "The problem with Bellatrix then was that she was eight years older than me, so you can imagine how much an already bossy and priggish twat like her would love to bully younger cousins. Andy did stand up to her, but that always caused screaming on Bellatrix's part. She's always been fond of throwing temper tantrums. Usually when it was the five of us together, me and Bellatrix would start fighting and then the parents would have to send us off to separate rooms. Thankfully she was older, so she wasn't around as much as Andy or even Narcissa. Their family lived in a massive manor, so Andy usually liked to play hide-and-seek, though I would always end up as the seeker while she and Regulus hid in the hardest spots to find. Merlin, Andy even hid up the chimney one time."

"What?" I said, laughing at that image.

"Yeah, she sort of braced her hands against the walls and got her feet up out of sight. But she started coughing from the soot and fell down into the fireplace. That really set her mother Druella off. The screaming was unbelievable. Of course, Druella locked Andy in her room for the rest of the day after screaming at her for Merlin-knows how long. My mum blamed me and grounded me for the next fortnight, but it was worth seeing Andy falling into the fireplace and rolling out onto the carpet covered in soot. That was when I was eight, so Andy was fourteen."

"So she'd be about twenty-four now?" I asked.

"Yeah. She had a daughter, Nymphadora Tonks, in 1973."

"Did you meet her daughter?"

"No. She was disowned at that point, and I was well on my way to the same 'punishment.' She never looked back after she ran off with a Muggleborn, Ted Tonks, though that was probably smart of her since her mother and father, and my parents by extension, pretended she'd never even existed."

I stroked a thumb over his jaw. "So your parents pretended you'd never existed after you ran away?"

His lips curled up in a sardonic smirk. "Yeah. Which is why, when we cornered Avery and Mulciber that time in the dungeons, he mentioned that my mum never mentions me anymore at the parties and social events the pureblood families host for others in their circle. I don't blame Andy for cutting all ties, but it would've been nice to at least write her letters."

"You could try finding her, I suppose?"

He hummed noncommittally and splayed his hand against my bare back, holding me close. "Regulus seems like he'd be the opposite kind of brother to Magnus."

"From what you've said, yeah. Magnus loves teasing and pestering me." I added with a laugh, "Like you."

"Oh, no, kitten. You caught me. Now I've got to admit I like teasing you. Oh, no," he joked.

I nuzzled his chest, smiling like a lovesick idiot. "You might like Magnus. You two might get along, with your love of teasing me. And you'd never get him to leave you alone if you showed him your motorbike. He can't wait to get his own car and start driving like me."

He chuckled and ran his foot up and down my calf.

"Can I ask you something about your mother, Sirius?" I whispered.

"Anything, kitten."

"Well, it's more about both of your parents."

"Ask away, Kersti."

"You've told me you hate them of course, and anyone can see why, knowing what you suffered from because of them. But I can't seem to understand it, how… how do you still have that tiny sliver of loyalty for them, as you told me in the Bath?"

"I've been asking myself the same thing for as long as I can remember, kitten. You know, sometimes… I curse myself for this, but sometimes I wish they could see all that I've accomplished, that I could finally make them proud. Some bloody irrational part of me wants their love, wants to do whatever it takes to have them care for me. But— and I know this is obvious— it's a very small part of me. I reckon it's the same for them. Even though Mother Dearest lives off pure spite and holds a grudge like no one else, and my father has always thought I was never good enough, I'd bet they still have the tiniest bit of love for me left in their hearts. Though I've tried to drown all my ties to them."

"It's sort of like me and my parents. Not that I'm trying to compare my good parents to yours or anything," I added quickly, "but that even though I'll likely never see them again, I'll always love them. Sorry, that was a stupid comparison. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or—"

Sirius chuckled and buried his face in my hair. "S'okay, kitten. I understand you."

We fell into a comfortable silence, both of us dozing all tangled up together, until I mumbled, "D'you mind if I turn over? Can't properly fall asleep like this."

He hummed in agreement and planted a last kiss on my head before untangling our limbs. We both rolled over, and I sighed when he got comfortable with his back flush against mine, moving a hand back to rest on my thigh.

"S'nice like this," I mumbled, eyes falling closed.

"Yeah," he said. "G'night, kitten."

"G'night, old man."

"Merlin, Kersti. You're going to be late for breakfast at this rate," Tess announced loudly, waking me in the morning.

"I'll come over and drag you out, yeah?" Lia said, laughing and walking to my four-poster bed, if the approaching footsteps were any indication.

I fumbled for my wand, reversed the silencing charm, and said quickly, "No, no! That's fine! I'm awake. I'll meet you down in the Great Hall."

"What're you doing in there?" Lia asked, laughing.

"You sleeping in the nude?" Tess said.

"No!" I said quickly, drawing the sheets up to hide Sirius, who was already fully awake and trying to muffle his laughter with his hands.

"I swear to Merlin, you'd better not be hiding a bloody boy in there," Tess said. "I was traumatized when I caught Em and Rafferty in her bed before the holidays."

"No, no boys in here," I announced loudly to drown out the muffled sounds of Sirius snickering under the covers.

"We'll see you down at breakfast, yeah?" Lia said.

"Yeah!" I said with disingenuous enthusiasm.

I waited until the door closed behind them before sighing. "Jesus!"

Sirius threw back the covers, grinning like a devil at me, his head resting expectantly on my stomach. "Nice, kitten."

"Yeah, you're the reason that was so awkward," I said, pinching his cheek.

He snaked a hand down and managed to pinch my bum. "I think it was well worth it, don't you?"

I smiled. "Of course I do, you silly dog." Sitting up in bed, I couldn't help but wince at the tension that had already managed to return to my neck and shoulders.

Sirius watched me trying in vain to stretch my muscles and said, "How come you're always stretching your neck and shoulders, kitten?"

"I seem to carry tension and stress there. And with my headaches," I said, massaging my fingers in circles on a knot.

"I can give you a massage."

"A sexy massage?"

He grinned and ran a hand through his hair, sitting up to face me. "Not that kind. Though I'm not opposed to sexy ones."

"I reckoned you'd like those kinds of massages."

"Yeah, but I also hate to see you so tense and uncomfortable." He grinned and patted the sheets in front of himself. "Come here, kitten."

I grinned and sat down in between his legs, sweeping my hair off my shoulders so that he could give me a proper one. He planted one very chaste kiss on the back of my neck before laying his hands on my shoulders and beginning to massage the tension out of them. I sighed and couldn't help the sounds of enjoyment that bubbled up from inside of me as he worked at the knotted muscles.

"You sound like I'm going down on you right now," he said, breath tickling the shell of my ear.

"Isn't this the equivalent for the body? It's getting head, but for the tense muscles."

He chuckled and pressed a flurry of kisses to my naked shoulders before he resumed his difficult task.

"Merlin, you weren't taking the piss about your tense shoulders," he said, long fingers working firmly at a particularly stubborn knot.

"I should invent a self-massaging charm."

"Yeah, you and Evans should. You two would come up with something in no time. Speaking of Evans, I'm assuming you're going to be there for her birthday celebration thing on Monday?"

"I think she mentioned that the other day to me. In the Gryffindor Common Room?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there."

"Good. I wouldn't let you not show up."

"And why's that?"

"Any reason to spend more time with you, kitten."

I smiled. "Thanks for massaging me, even though you didn't have to."

He leaned forward to kiss my cheek. "But I want to." He sighed when he'd finally worked the tension from my muscles. "Was that okay?"

I twisted around and caught him by surprise with a lingering kiss on the lips. "It was lovely, thank you. I really appreciate it."

He grinned, kissed me again, and then broke away from me to grab his trousers from beside him on the bed. "Anytime, kitten."

We slipped on our uniforms, which were very wrinkled from spending the night on the floor, and waited until the Common Room was empty, as shown on the Map, before creeping out of the dormitory and racing each other down to the Great Hall. I was loath to end our time together, but I knew that I'd see him again soon, not least because of Lily's upcoming birthday celebration.