Stronger Than Me

Klaus observes Elena slipping on a mask as she greets her friends and family at the door. She's doing her best to play the good hostess and he can't stand it the inauthenticity of it. He stands in the corner of his own sitting room like a visitor, nursing a scotch with Elijah.

Her friends refuse to leave her alone even for a moment. They move in an unspoken rotation; Stefan brings her a tiny too-perfect finger sandwich, Bonnie holds her hand tightly as they walk around the room, and Damon manages to catch her each time it seems she's about to walk away from the group. Caroline is noticeably missing. They haven't had luck getting any information out of whoever is possessing her body and they can't risk losing a lead.

"They're acting as if she's going to break."

"They worry about their friend, Niklaus. I'm worried for her as well. Losing her aunt in this fashion. It's a substantial impact."

"She's tougher than they know. Elena is the face of resilience."

"That may be so, but that doesn't mean she has no need to be cared for from time to time."

"I know, Elijah. I'm the one who takes care of her." She catches him staring at her and gives him a real smile, peeking through her mask. It makes him want to go to her, rescue her from the fraudulent face she's presenting the world right now. Whatever she feels, he wants to see it. Wants her to be open with him.

He's considering taking her upstairs to hold her close, away from the noise, when Stefan approaches him, hands in his pocket.

"Hey ahh," Stefan hesitates, "I just wanted to say thank you for finding us, getting us out of there in time. I know Elena has become," he pauses to search for the word, "important to you. She is to me too. So, I just wanted to say how grateful I am."

It's amusing to have his old friend thank him this way. It almost makes Klaus want to restore his memories of their time in Chicago, but the past has no room in his future with Elena. "Of course, Stefan. I will always protect Elena." He knows it sounds like a challenge, because that's how he meant it.

"So will I."

"As long as that's all it is, protecting her."

"She's my friend, Klaus." Stefan is one of the few people who look more natural with a deeply furrowed brow than without, likely from years of being concerned about everyone around him.

"See to it that she remains just that, old friend," Klaus pats Stefan on the shoulder, leaving him standing there confused as he walks to Elena. He leads her away from Damon by her elbow and into the kitchen, where there are less people. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"I'm good," she replies and sighs when he gives her a disbelieving brow. "I'm exhausted. I know everyone is lingering because they are worried, but I really just want everyone to go home so I can sleep."

"That can be arranged. Say the word."

"Maybe in a little bit? I've given Ric a coffee so hopefully he sobers up soon. Either that or he and Grace are staying the night until he can drive home." Klaus cringes and Elena smooths out the harsh lines around his mouth.

"Certainly, let me know when you are ready for everyone to leave and I'll huff and puff."

"What if I gave you a signal?" she asks. "I'll yawn and cover my mouth with the back of my hand like this." She demonstrates for him and smiles when his lips twist into a smirk.

"Then that will be our signal," he says as his fingers trace her upper arm. He leans in and whispers, "It appears you have a request for an audience, love."

She turns and sees Bonnie wavering near the kitchen door. Klaus makes to leave and she reaches out for him, grabs him by the edge of his jacket. "Don't go too far?"

"I'll stay within earshot," he promises before he leaves them alone, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Elena, I'm so sorry about Jenna."

"Thank you, Bonnie." She smiles a little and they sit in silence for a moment while Elena gathers her courage. "Look, I need to say I'm sorry too."

"For what?"

"The day that Jenna came by, she said you had mentioned to her how sick I've been lately. She had come over with some breakfast and to keep me company." Bonnie looked stricken and Elena understood how it must sound to her friend. "No! No, Bonnie. Between that and not-Caroline calling to tell me all about what you hadn't actually found, I sort of realized something." She reaches out to grab Bonnie's hand, cupping it in a dual grip. "Normally, you would have called me to tell me if you'd found anything new. You would have come over to bring me breakfast and talk. But I've been keeping you at a distance ever since I came back."

"Yeah…you kind of shut me out unless we are surrounded by everyone else." Bonnie laughs a little, but Elena can tell it's the kind of laugh meant to hide a deeper emotion.

"I'm so sorry Bonnie. I never got over what happened back in January. I was mad, but I didn't want to be mad anymore so I pretended everything was fine."

"It wasn't."

"No, but I should have talked to you about it. It wasn't fair to pretend. Not with you. I should have been honest about how I was feeling."

"Do you want to talk about it now?" Bonnie generously offers.

"Honestly? Not really. It doesn't even seem important anymore and I wish I could take the time back so we could just be normal again. Is that possible?"

"I would love that. I really would, 'Lena." They meet in the middle, hugging each other fiercely. "I missed you so much. I know, I know. We saw each other every day, but it wasn't-"

"The same. I know. I missed you too, Bon."

Her friend pulls back enough to look at her and still hold her in her arms. "I see it now by the way. How much he cares about you. I didn't want to. I thought he would take you away from us, but I know that isn't true now. I wanted you to come back and have it feel like you'd never left, but that's not possible. It's different now, but not a bad different." Bonnie shakes her head slowly. "It was like with me and Damon. I didn't want to see it at first and then after enough time it became undeniable. You and Klaus? You're undeniable."

"Thank you." Elena pulls her back in, wishing they had been able to have this conversation weeks ago. "That actually means a lot to me."

Hours later, after the sun has set, the only people that remain are gathering in the library to share a drink. Before Ric can make his way into the room, Elena pulls him aside steeled for a tough conversation.

"I think you and Grace should stay here tonight."

"Oh no, Elena. It's fine. We can go home," he tries to dismiss her but his eyes are painfully red. If she got close enough, she could smell the alcohol on his skin.

"No, Ric. Not like this you can't. She has some of her things here and I've already put her to bed."

"Look I'll just stay for one drink and then we will be out of your hair."

"It's not a discussion. This is what's happening."

"Sounds like you're telling me what to do." She can tell she's upset him, hit some sensitive unseen part of his ego.

"Tonight? Yes, I am. Tonight, you are staying here with your daughter. She'll sleep in my room so I can wake up if she needs me. You'll sleep in a guest room and tomorrow when you've sobered up, then you can go home."

He stares at her, lip quivering. "I just miss her. That's all." The way his voice breaks as he looks away is the reason she's been so gentle with him.

"I know. We all do. I'm not judging you. I'm just looking out for my niece, okay?"

"This feels weird."

"Sure does. Look, I've got the monitor on me. She'll be fine. Go in there and have a drink with everyone. I've got her tonight. You'll get her for the rest of her life, right?"

Ric reaches out and grips her arm. "You kind of look like her, you know?"

"That's not possible, Ric, but thanks."

They walk into the room together, Ric splitting off to sit next to Damon and Bonnie. Stefan left hours ago to check on Caroline, hoping to find her temporarily Passenger-less. Elena takes a seat next to Klaus, who pulls her closer with a hand on her thigh. Elijah and Jeremy stand together, deep in conversation.

They all begin to share memories of Jenna and laugh. Jeremy loves recalling the times that Jenna chewed John out. Ric gets nostalgic and teary-eyed remembering their early dating days. Elena soaks it all in, enjoying listening to these memories. She is about to share one of her own when the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupts the group. Matt stands tentatively at the doorway, gripping his hands so tight the knuckles are white.

Jeremy moves, trying his best to block Matt from her view. "Hey, man. You should probably go," he insists in that soft way of his.

Matt looks up with desperate eyes. "I just want to see Elena, Jer. I need to apologize. I should have done something."

Klaus moves a protective arm in front of Elena, but she squeezes his knee and looks at him sharply. Damon hangs on to Ric while Bonnie gets up to stand next to Jeremy.

"Please, Jeremy. Let me see her?"

"I don't think that's the smartest idea, Matt. Today isn't the best day."

"No," she says, standing, "Let him say what he needs to say." Klaus stands up next to her, moving like a shadow at her back.

"Elena." Matt charges forward a little too aggressively, eliciting a low growl from Klaus. "I'm so sorry. I should have helped when I could."

"Yeah, you really should have." Her jaw is set, tone harsh and clipped.

"If I could take it all back, I would."

"All of it, Matt? Have you flipped sides again? Now you're fine with vampires? Caroline means something to you again?"

"Elena, please," he begs.

"No, Matt! Not everyone here knows that you were so ready to kill them that you left Jenna behind to comply with what Markos wanted. You let them take over this town! You can't pretend there isn't blood on your hands. You've been passively complicit in this. It's almost worse than if you'd actually done something."

"It's so hard to straddle the line of right and wrong in their world when I'm just human."

"So am I," she counters quickly.

"It's not the same Elena, you're sleeping with them."

"Are you saying that I can't have morals if I'm fucking one of them, Matt?"

"No, that's not it at all…" he trails off, unconvincingly.

Elena moves past her brother and Bonnie to stand face to face with Matt, reaching out and balling the front of his shirt in her fist. "I never want to see you here. I never want to see you again. If I could – right here, right now – I would rip your heart out myself the same way you ripped mine out by not saving her. Lucky for you, I can't," She lets him go, pushing him and he stumbles back. "Get the fuck out of here." She turns around to hide the tears welling up, walking back to Klaus who can't help but grin.

Jeremy ushers him out and Matt looks utterly crushed, his shoulders hanging so far down his hands threaten to drag along the ground. She can feel their eyes on her back, but she can't tell what they must be thinking of her. She looks up at Klaus, who nods and she turns back around to face the rest of the group, wiping at her cheeks.

"Klaus was right," she starts and he brings his hands up to her shoulders as he stands behind her. "I tried to handle this the only way I've ever handled anything. I tried to sacrifice myself. I tried to find another way that didn't involve people dying. It didn't work. It got Jenna killed. I got Jenna killed." She puts her hand up and continues. "I can't keep pretending that there are perfect ways to handle my problems. There is no perfect way to handle the Travelers."

Her friends are stunned and she thinks it's what she's saying, but it's the tableau of her saying it while Klaus stands behind her, massaging her shoulders with a proud smile.

"I keep letting my compassion get in the way, but I can't have compassion for everyone without putting the people I really love at risk," she continues. "I don't want to put anyone else in danger. I want to eliminate it entirely. I want war. I want Markos to feel everything I felt when he killed Jenna in front of me. I want to leave him with nothing, begging for me to kill him. And only when I'm satisfied, only then I'll give him what he wants."

Klaus can't stop touching her. She can feel his happiness like warm sunshine on her back even as she can see the discomfort from her friends in front of her. She reminds herself that they didn't have to watch Jenna die, unable to offer her any kind of comfort. They don't go to sleep every night seeing Markos's cold eyes staring back at them.

She focuses only on Markos. That singular goal takes up enough space in her head to push out her possible pregnancy, a concept she just can't think about right now.

It turns out that they didn't need any kind of signal for Klaus to kick everyone out. Her outburst with Matt was effective enough. After everyone awkwardly leaves, Elena says goodnight to Ric and sets the baby monitor on her nightstand. Even though Grace is asleep in her room, she doesn't want to take any chances.

Klaus comes up behind her as she's washing her face. He offers her a hand towel to dry off. "Elena, love." She leans down on the counter and he mirrors her, with his chin settling onto her shoulder. "Did you mean what you declared so powerfully tonight?"

"Yes, I did," she responds, watching him in the mirror.

He licks his lips and crowds her even more until there is no way to separate his body from hers. "That was the fire I've been trying to coax out of you." She watches his hands move, one at her waist and the other at her neck moving her to stand up against him. "I have a vision of us, Elena." Her eyes take them both in, standing there together, and then back to him. "I want to return to New Orleans with you."

"Craving some crawfish?" she jokes. Sometimes it makes her nervous when he gets serious like this.

"I intend to return to the city I built with the woman I love. I want to take it back and I want to do it with you by my side."

"Just you and me?"

"Well, and with an army of hybrids."

"You want to make hybrids? How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Since the night you unleashed my full potential," he says it as he strokes her neck with his thumb and she stares at the both of them together. He wants to conquer a city, rule it together and she knows that a baby has no place in that kind of life. She barely knows if she has a place in that world, but he looks so certain and convincing that any argument she could make would feel too flimsy. Her heart beats into her throat as he eats her alive just by looking at her.

She'd been able to convince herself last year that she was in control, but the more time she spends with him the harder it becomes to deny him everything he wants. She's losing pieces of herself and he's replacing them with bits of himself. But that's just one of several fires in her life and Elena isn't sure which one to put out first.

A/N: Thank you all for reading/reviewing! I have the next few chapters mapped out and I keep thinking "Gosh, remember when they were on the beach? Good times. Let's go back to the good times."