The Dawn of Autumn

by Forever without him

Alison DiLaurentis rules her town with a sharp tongue and an even sharper attitude. But she meets her match when Emily Fields, rebel with a cause rolls into town on her motorcycle and captures Alison's attention, and her heart. But there is more to Emily than meets the eye. Her mysterious past begins to bleed into her future, and it invokes Alison to go on the ride of her life.

45. The World Turned Upside Down

A/N: Sorry for the wait. I've been boxing with my inner critic. She a BEAST. This one is long. Lots of words. Prepare a snack to enjoy this lengthy flight. Here at Angsty Airlines we recognize that you have a choice in which writer you want to torture you and I thank you for choosing me.

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Chapter 45:

The World Turned Upside Down

Finding out that Courtney was alive had come as a complete shock to Emily. She had watched the life fade from her eyes on that rooftop. Her cold blue irises had once been filled with the burning fire of life, but as she lay dying in Emily's arms they had turned to ice. Emily distinctly remembered the instant her lips changed from pink to a lifeless bluish-grey. She remembered the exact moment the light had gone out inside of the blonde.

She had been helpless to stop her death from happening, or perhaps somewhere deep down she hadn't wanted to stop it. She hadn't known what to do once she realized Courtney was gone. She remembered feeling for a pulse and feeling nothing.

All hell broke loose shortly after that. After the nurses dragged her away she assumed they would be taking Courtney to the morgue. Or maybe they had to leave her there since it was a crime scene.

What Emily hadn't seen was them starting CPR and rushing her into the ER. While Emily reunited with her daughter and her family Courtney was two floors up with her chest cracked open.

The hospital had been so chaotic with police activity and reporters that it had been hours before Emily learned she was alive.

Her friends assumed she was dead, too. They saw the blood on Emily's clothes. They recognized the look in her eyes.

She'd refused to talk about what happened. The cops had tried to get her side of the story shortly before Veronica showed up. Emily's mom and dad had been speaking to Veronica on a call when the cops had come perusing the room.

It was Alison who chased them away. The chaos had startled Autumn, and her cries woke the sleeping dragon inside of Alison. That night a squirrelly little blonde had put the fear of God in the entire Rosewood police force.

The phrase, "Get the hell away from my family" had been uttered more than once. Pam told them to get lost in her own motherly way. Wayne had tried to keep the girls calm, but he'd been overpowered by estrogen.

There had been so much happening that no one took a moment to consider that Courtney had survived, and the information wasn't exactly public knowledge. The cops didn't mention it when they spoke to the girls.

Hanna had been the first person to find out. She'd been getting a refill of her coffee when she overheard two nurses talking about a trauma patient in surgery. From the conversation Hanna gathered that it was a young girl with a gunshot wound.

It was the words in surgery that almost made her drop her freshly brewed java. They only operated on people who were alive.

Even though Hanna knew they were talking about Courtney she refused to believe it. She set out to get proof, recruiting Mona to help her sneak a peek at the girl's chart.

There hadn't been much information for the hospital staff to go on, but the police had apparently filled in the blanks. The name Jane Doe had been replaced with the name Courtney. There was a note with a San Antonio area code confirming her identity.

Once Hanna knew for sure she'd rushed to find her friends. She had no idea how she was going to tell Emily that Courtney was still alive. The brunette was still in shock. She was still covered in Courtney's blood.

Hanna found Emily curled up in her bed, Autumn in her arms. She hadn't put her down since she'd gotten her back. Alison was down the hallway giving a police officer a piece of her mind.

Hanna stood in the doorway, frozen in place, unable to bring herself to say anything. All she'd been able to do was offer Emily a nervous smile. She had silently walked over to her bed and reached for her hand. When she saw the softness in Emily's eyes she decided she couldn't tell her. Not yet.

As Emily clung to the idea that it was over, Courtney clung to life, dead in almost every sense except…ironically…her beating heart.

Hanna sat on the secret until she thought she might explode. It wasn't until a nurse came to get Emily to get her stitched up that Hanna was able to catch Alison alone.

She had grabbed the blonde just as she was gathering her things.

"Ali, wait." Hanna had gently wrapped her hand around the blonde's bicep, pulling her aside.

It pissed Alison off. She shot Hanna a nasty look as she watched Emily disappearing with the baby. There was an angry fire in her eyes.

Alison didn't mean to be short with her, but they'd had a hell of a night, so her tone came out laced with venom,

"Can't this wait? I need to be with them…"

"Just…hold on…" Hanna watched to make sure Emily turned the corner with the nurses. "There's something I need to tell you."

"This better be important." The fact that Hanna was keeping her from Emily's side irritated her.

"It's about Courtney…"

"I don't give a shit about that stupid fucking dead bitch." After what she'd seen Courtney do to Autumn she'd been ready to push her off the roof.

"She's not dead." Hanna blurted it out, relief flooding her senses. She felt like she could breathe again, like a pressure valve had been released.

The tension returned as soon as she saw the look on Alison's face. The blonde's cheeks had turned a ghostly shade of white. She reached up and grasped Hanna's arm, gripping it tightly as if it was the only thing holding her up.

"What?" Alison shivered, but not because she was cold.

In Emily's perfect world she envisioned Courtney alive and getting help, but in Alison's perfect world she was dead and gone.

"What do you mean she's not dead? I saw her get shot in the chest."

"Well apparently there was no heart there." Hanna spit spitefully.

Usually, Alison was one to appreciate Hanna's brevity, but she was still trying to comprehend it.

"Why?"

"Excuse me?" Hanna tilted her head in confusion.

"Why is she alive?" It was then that Hanna saw the tears in Alison's eyes. "Why does she get to live after everything she's done?"

"I…" Hanna, ever the wordsmith, had no idea how to answer. "I don't know."

Alison's milky white cheeks flushed into a dark shade of red. Her eyes narrowed. She thought about all the times Courtney had had Emily at her mercy. She thought about how close she'd come to seeing Autumn fall prey to her, too.

She didn't remember moving across the room, but when she came to her senses she realized she was digging through Emily's father's belongings. She knew she wouldn't find his gun, but she was hoping to find something to finish what Nick's bullet had started. She was irrationally grasping, searching for something.

She felt a soft hand on her shoulder.

"Alison…" Hanna tried to stop her.

Alison jerked away from her touch.

"You weren't there!" She shrieked, spinning around and hissing at Hanna through her teeth. "You have no idea what we went through!"

Something wet and warm drizzled down her cheeks and she realized she was crying. She hadn't known she was internalizing so much. She hadn't known just how much she'd been affected by what had happened on top of the parking deck. She'd been trying to be strong for Emily, but her heart ached in a way that she knew only Emily could fix. She hated that she was breaking down in an empty room with Hanna Marin. She wanted her girlfriend.

"Okay." Hanna nodded, nervously licking her lips. "Okay." She repeated, unsure of what to do.

Alison rooted around in Wayne's coat pocket until she found a pocket knife. She pulled it out and flipped the blade open.

Hanna's eyes widened.

"What, are you going to stab her in the head when she's in recovery or something?"

Alison didn't want Courtney to make it to recovery.

"I'm going to do whatever I have to do to keep my family safe." She turned the knife over in her hand, observing the sharp metal.

"I understand that you're angry, but what you're talking about is murder. You can't protect your family from a jail cell."

Somewhere deep inside, Alison knew she was right. If Hanna Marin, queen of bad ideas, was telling her it was a bad idea, she needed to listen. But she was so angry. She couldn't fathom Courtney surviving after everything she'd done. She didn't deserve to live.

Alison refused to be afraid every time she rounded a corner. She couldn't go back to worrying about Emily every second of the day. She would never let Autumn get subjected to Courtney's special brand of torture.

She was thinking of ways to try and justify her actions. She was thinking about ways to get away with it.

Hanna was trying to talk some sense into her.

"Maybe…" Hanna hesitated, struggling with what to say, "…maybe this is a good thing." She reached for Alison's hand, lowering it as she tried to slip the knife away from her. Alison refused to let it go. "If that guy's murder goes to trial she can be a witness."

"She'll play brain-dead before she does anything to help us."

"She did save you. That's what you said, right? She took that bullet for you guys?" Hanna's fingers curled around the base of the blade.

Alison ripped her hand away, nearly slicing Hanna's arm in the process. Hanna yelped and jerked her arm back. She wanted to rip into Alison, but she knew the blonde wasn't thinking clearly.

"That doesn't matter!" Alison screamed. "None of that matters. What she did was unforgivable. She should be dead."

She angrily hurled the knife against the wall. It hit at an angle and then fell to the floor. Alison dug her fingers into her cheeks and groaned in frustration. Her fire was turning to ice, and it chilled her to the bone.

All she could feel was grief. The shock was wearing off. The mask protecting her pain dropped, and she whispered,

"She should be dead." Her jaw was trembling. "She's never going to get near Emily and Autumn again." Alison hissed, angrily smashing her hand against the wall. "NEVER! Do you hear me?"

"I hear you, Ali," she'd said softly.

The softness of Hanna's voice, the sincerity of it, reached something inside of Alison. Her shoulders slumped. Her lips trembled. She fell forward just as Hanna engulfed her in her arms. Her palm landed against Alison's back. She gently stroked between her shoulder blades.

"I hear you," she hugged her tightly.

Alison gripped Hanna's shirt with her fingertips as she sobbed. Hanna held her shivering body for several minutes while Alison let her frustration out.

When she felt like she had nothing left she pulled back and wiped her face. She stared, unblinking at Hanna. Never in a million years had she ever seen a scenario where she let herself be vulnerable in front of Hanna Marin. But she was so glad Hanna was there.

"It's not fair. It's not fair that Courtney tortured us, kidnapped our baby and tried to kill her and she STILL gets to live. She shouldn't be alive. She shouldn't…"

"Courtney is alive?"

The sound of Emily's voice had caused Alison's heart to cinch in her chest. She'd slowly turned around and noticed Emily standing in the doorway, clutching Autumn to her chest.

The words hadn't registered to Emily at first. She had heard what Alison said, but it didn't hit her all at once. Instead, it was like a bolt of lightning striking her, sending a prickling pain through her body. The lightning felt so real that she had to glance out the window to make sure it wasn't storming outside.

It took her a moment to realize that she'd come back to the room because she forgot Autumn's blanket. She didn't want her to get cold.

Now she was cold.

Courtney. Is. Alive.

The world turned on its axis.

Things changed the second she heard those words that night.

Slowly, the story of Courtney's survival came out.

After the doctors got Courtney's heart restarted and operated to remove the bullet they weren't sure she'd make it. If she did, they were certain she'd have brain deficiencies because her brain had been deprived of oxygen.

The bullet had shredded her chest to pieces. It had bounced off of a broken rib she'd gotten in the altercation with Alison. Ironically, the broken rib had been what saved her life. The bullet had punctured her lung instead of her heart. They'd had to remove a damaged section of the lung, but they were able to save her.

She'd been placed in a medically induced coma for two weeks. When they weened her off of the vent she didn't verbally respond to anything the doctors asked her.

Isaac had been giving Emily reports on how Courtney was doing with her recovery. During the first few weeks he had discovered a bunch of paperwork in Nick's name.

Nick had left his trust fund and all of his money in Courtney's name. It had been something he put together after his first meeting with his brother.

When she emerged from the coma nonverbal, the doctors had discussed her options with her family. They had recommended physical rehabilitation for her injuries. They also did a psychiatric evaluation on her and determined she would need psychiatric care.

Lawyers got involved once they realized she was awake. Spencer's mother was ruthless. She was ready to sue on behalf of Emily and Autumn. But after she saw the girl's mental state she spoke with Emily and asked if she wanted to go to court. She was certain that Courtney's lawyer would put in an insanity plea for her, and it would more than likely stick. The alternative was a psych hospital.

Emily was torn on what to do. She hated that it was her call. She thought about all the horrid things Courtney had done to her, but then she thought about the look on Courtney's face after she'd been shot.

Emily wanted nothing more than to get her the help she needed. She talked it over with Alison and Isaac.

She chose the hospitalization.

The doctors in Rosewood suggested an institution in New York. Nick's money bought her the best care in the world.

Emily always knew that Courtney suffered from delusions, but in addition to that she had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder, and OCD. It was a trifecta of terrible mental diseases.

Emily often wondered if Courtney was trapped in her own hell. She wondered if she was a bad person for being glad that Courtney was alive, that she was serving some kind of sentence for what she'd done. Death would have been more humane, but Emily didn't want her death on her conscience.

As she walked into Courtney's room the conversation she'd had with Isaac a few days prior flashed through her mind.

They'd made small talk about Autumn. He liked to sing her silly songs before they got into the harder discussions. After their weekly banter session the line had gotten really quiet.

Sometimes they didn't know what to say to one another. Isaac couldn't stand the thought of his sister putting Emily through hell for as long as they'd known one another. Emily couldn't stand the thought that his sister had nearly died to save her family.

"How is Courtney?" Emily had broken the silence.

"The doctors are happy with how she's doing. She's expressing herself through different mediums. Whatever that means." Sometimes he would zone out when the doctors talked to him.

"Still not talking?" Emily asked.

"She's the most stubborn brat in the entire world. I know she understands me when I visit her. I know she could answer if she wanted to. She is still playing the same stupid ass games. She's just changed the rules. I'm just glad she's somewhere where she can't hurt anyone anymore. I'm glad you got away…"

"That makes what I'm about to ask you really awkward," she'd laughed nervously. "I kind of need to see her."

"Is this a legal thing? Because the litigation is done and you don't have to see her anymore if you don't want to. I know that being in the same room with her isn't easy for you." He'd seen her rush out of the first legal hearing to puke in a garbage can outside the door. "I didn't think you'd ever care to see her again."

"It's complicated."

"Are you sure? You know I would never ask you to do this…"

"I know." Emily quietly replied. "It's something I need to do. For myself."

"I get it. It's like…a tumor. You can cut it out, but it takes a piece of you with it. And it can always come back." There was a pause and then, "I could go with you, but it might be better if it's just you."

"I think I have to do it alone."

"And Alison? What does she think about this?"

"We're driving up together, but she's not going with me," Emily answered. "This is for me," she'd nervously paced the living room floor. Alison had snapped her fingers to get her attention so she wouldn't walk into the table. "I need to talk to her."

"She won't talk back," he'd sounded unsure, like he was trying to read something he didn't understand.

"It's not about her," she'd sighed. She bit her lip. "I don't know how to put any of it into words. It's hard to explain."

"She's not still harassing you, is she?" He knew it was a stupid question the second he asked it.

"How would she be able to do that from the mental hospital?" Emily snorted dryly.

"I don't know. We both know she's cunning."

"She's also under constant surveillance."

There was a long pause. Something clicking on the other end. Isaac was playing with a pen, pressing the end of it against his thumb as the tip came out the other edge.

"This is really something you want to do?"

"Need." Emily corrected him. There was a difference. She sure as hell didn't want to see Courtney again.

The line was silent.

"Isaac? I'm starting to think you're not going to put me on the visitation log…"

"I will. Of course I will. I'm just worried she'll try to hurt you."

"I can hold my own."

"Yeah." He'd laughed. "I know. I'm the one who helped you tighten your boxing form." He still sounded worried. "I'll get something set up."

o ~ O ~ o

Two weeks later she was walking into Courtney's room overlooking the Hudson Bay in New York.

She wasn't sure how the blonde was going to react to seeing her. Emily had only seen her a few times since she came out of the coma. All for legal reasons.

Courtney's entire face had lit up in delight every time. She responded to Emily like she didn't respond to anyone else.

Courtney hadn't been expecting her. Her face twisted into an excited expression. Her eyes danced with joy, a brightness that her doctors rarely ever saw. A smile spread across her face.

She was in the middle of an art project. There was a large lump of clay that Courtney was molding into a person. It was supposed to be a mirror image of herself, but it didn't look anything like her.

In front of the clay mold there were several sketchpads. She was holding a large black crayon in her hand. Emily noticed the flat blunted tip. She didn't know that safety crayons existed, but it made sense that they wouldn't want to give her anything with a pointy end.

She stopped focusing on the crayon and her gaze wandered towards the blue eyes peering back at her.

Emily's breath hitched in her throat at the sight of her. She'd done her best not to look at her in the court proceedings, but from what she'd seen then Courtney had been small and frail. She'd lost a lot of weight in the hospital. She had been nothing but skin and bones in the court hearings.

She looked much better now. Her body had filled back out to its natural shape. She looked good. Healthy. Happy. Her hair was neatly trimmed and fell over her shoulders, riding down her back in long blonde waves. Her cheeks were full and sun-kissed. She apparently worked in the garden on the roof as part of her therapy. Isaac had told her about it.

It was strange to see her sitting there staring back her, alive and well.

Doctor Kingston, Wren, noticed Emily staring. He gently moved forward, angling himself between the two of them.

"Courtney, I see you've been working on your project. I hope you don't mind the interruption. You have a visitor." His soft British accent somehow made things less intense.

Courtney lowered her hand and flipped the page of her sketchbook over. She put a black crayon down against the table. Emily waited for her to lunge for her throat or to try and grope her. Those were usually her only forms of communication.

Courtney put her hands in her lap and calmly waited.

Emily had no idea what to say.

"I uh…I see you've been getting some sun." It sounded stupid to her when she said it out loud, but what else did you say to someone who tortured you?

When Courtney didn't respond, Wren tried to encourage the conversation.

"We had a nice chat with some marigolds this morning." Wren nodded at Courtney. "She loves to tend to the flowers. She can speak without speaking to them, isn't that right, Courtney?"

Courtney said nothing. She stared at him.

Wren clucked his tongue and shook his head with a sigh. He faced Emily.

"For a while she was functioning quite well and was a receptive and willing participant in her cognitive and behavioral therapy. She was showing slight signs of progress, but we seem to have hit a bit of a stalemate for some reason. She's shut down entirely."

"Yeah, she does that sometimes." Emily mumbled. Courtney was one of the most obstinate people she'd ever known.

"She reacts when your name is brought up in any capacity." Little lines of concentration formed on his face, crinkling his brow. "Her brother says you've been tracking her progress?"

"Yeah, we talk." Emily thought she saw the slightest bit of movement on Courtney's face. A flinch. Was it jealousy? Did she still believe she had a claim on her?

"He has spoken with me about the history you all share. Sounds quite extensive."

"Feels like we could write an encyclopedia on it." Emily nodded.

"I don't know about the word count, but if you get even one word to write in the book from her it will be quite the miracle." He faced Emily. "Are you certain you're comfortable here?"

"I'll be fine." Emily didn't want to think about it.

She didn't want to think about being left alone with Courtney. But for her to say what she needed to say...for Courtney to really hear her it needed to just be the two of them.

"Then I'll give you two some time. Eddie is here if you need anything." He faced Courtney. "Remember what we've discussed. Let's not throw away all your hard work."

Courtney smiled sweetly and nodded. It was jarring to see. Courtney hated being told what to do. She hated being controlled, but she was looking at him like a puppy in training, begging for a treat.

All that was missing was Wren cooing, "Who's a good girl?" and patting her head. He smiled at her as he walked out of the room.

As soon as Emily was alone with her she instinctively took a step back, waiting for Courtney to spring into action. The blonde peered at her with an innocent look in her eyes.

After a few minutes Emily took a step towards the chair across from her. She put her hand against the top of it. It was flimsy and soft.

She peered at it, wondering if it was dangerous for Courtney to have access to it. Her eyes darted towards the door. The panic subsided when she remembered the large orderly outside.

She waited for a reaction from Courtney.

Courtney smiled at Emily like everything was normal, like they were old friends. She batted her eyelashes and glanced at the chair, inviting her to sit down.

It was strange, the communication without any communication. Emily pulled the chair out, putting a little distance between it and the table. She sat down, never taking her eyes off of Courtney.

The room was so painfully quiet. She could hear someone singing down the hall. She could hear the dull sounds of cartoons on a TV coming from the other side of the wall.

Emily put her fingertips against the table and drummed them rhythmically.

"Isaac says you don't want to talk to anyone."

Nothing changed in Courtney's demeanor. She didn't move. She was still smiling. She was like a living doll, just staring.

"I don't…" Emily hesitated. "I don't know if you can hear me…if you're in there."

Holding eye contact with her was difficult. The only thing she could think about was the cold expressionless look the blonde would get on her face every time she tried to push her into doing things. There were times where her heart felt like it was going to stop cold when Courtney had her claws in her.

Now they were right back at the beginning.

She had her claws in her again. Only this time it wasn't physical.

The silence felt like an ominous impending danger. Courtney's creepy behavior made Emily uncomfortable. She wasn't quite sure where to look, so her eyes took in the room.

"This is…" Emily looked around the room. "It's a nice place. It's the top rated mental health care facility on the entire east coast. We…uh…" Emily cleared her throat. She was so fucking anxious, "We want you to get the best care possible."

Courtney finally budged. The smile faded from her face. She snorted and rolled her eyes, as if it was ridiculous that she needed babysitting.

It gave Emily a strange sense of comfort, because it was the Courtney she knew and not some watered down version of a lie.

"So, art, huh?" Emily glanced at the artwork on the table.

She'd never known Courtney to be interested in creating art. She couldn't tell what she was sculpting. She curiously leaned forward to see if she could get a better look at her drawings, but Courtney hovered over the book protectively. She had one of her arms curled around it, shielding it from Emily's view. Courtney flipped the book closed and Emily saw a brief flash of the cover. There was a quote on it.

"Art is the concrete representation of our most subtle feelings." -Agnes Martin

Courtney saw her looking and she scowled as she put her other arm on top of it.

Her cues were crystal clear, so Emily took the hint and backed off. It was obvious that Courtney didn't want Emily to see her interpretation of the innermost workings of her mind.

"Doctor Kingston says that you've been doing well. He wants you to participate in group more, but overall he says you were cooperating with your treatment up until a few days ago."

All she got in response was a blank stare. She blinked, staring right through Emily. Emily understood exactly what the doctor meant about how she'd shut down.

"Courtney," At the sound of Emily saying her name Courtney's mouth twitched into a smile, "You have to let them help you." She didn't want to care about her. But she did. "Please let them help you…"

Her heart was rapidly fluttering. She felt a bead of sweat against the back of her neck. There was a pulsing pressure in her head. She lowered her chin and pressed two fingers against the center of her forehead, trying to dull the ache.

What was she doing? She had a family. She had a life. A life free of Courtney and her torment. Her dad was right. She didn't owe Courtney or her parents anything. Even Isaac didn't want her to put herself in this situation.

She wanted to walk away, but she couldn't do that until she'd put everything to rest.

She'd gotten distracted. Even without saying a word, Courtney was still manipulating her. She hadn't come for Courtney. She'd come for herself.

"Do you remember what happened that night? What you did?"

Something in the blonde's expression changed. She furrowed her brow and curled her lips down, deep in thought. It was like she was trying to dig a memory out of her mess of a mind.

"Because I can't forget it." Emily saw that her words were reaching her. "You put my daughter in danger. I'll never forget that. I will never forget what you did to me…to my family."

Something flashed across Courtney's face. An emotion of some kind. It almost looked like guilt. But then Emily remembered that Courtney didn't know how to feel remorse. She didn't know how to feel anything.

Yet, not even her lack of empathy had stopped her from doing the right thing when Nick pulled the gun on them.

"I'll also never forget that you saved us," Emily said softly.

It wasn't an easy thing for her to talk about. The flashes of Courtney holding Autumn over the edge of the balcony was seared into her brain. The sound of the gun cracking in the air was in every loud noise that she heard.

Courtney's expression changed. The tightness in her mouth shifted into a tiny smile. Her eyes softened.

"I protected her," she'd said when she realized Autumn was safe.

Courtney had never known how to love anything in her entire life, but she had to have felt something that night to risk her life.

"I still don't know why you took that bullet for us, but you saved our lives." Of course, Courtney had been the one to put their lives in danger in the first place, but that didn't take away from the fact that she'd risked her life for them. "I still don't understand why you did it, but…"

She stopped talking when she saw Courtney moving. She pressed the tips of her toes against the floor, ready to spring up and bolt if she needed to.

Courtney laid her palm over the top of Emily's hand, peering at her innocently. Emily jumped, ready to jerk it away, but Courtney pulled her hand away first.

Consent.

She reached for a light brown crayon. She picked it up and then glanced at Emily. After a few seconds she put it down and picked up a lighter shade of brown. She gripped it in her fingers and observed it. She turned it over in her hands, looking for imperfections. She didn't find any blemishes. She looked at it in comparison to Emily's skin tone. It was nearly a perfect match. A perfect crayon for a perfect girl.

She slowly looked up at Emily. She reached for her hand, waiting for the brunette to pull away again. Emily narrowed her eyes in confusion, but she didn't pull away.

The blonde carefully picked up Emily's hand and turned it so that her palm was facing up. Emily's heart started hammering against her chest. She had a crazy vision of Courtney trying to jam the crayon through her hand.

But Courtney was gentle. With one hand she cupped the back of Emily's knuckles, holding it in the air. She gripped the crayon with the opposite hand, her pinky, ring finger, and middle finger curling around it. She turned her hand to the side and touched Emily's palm with her index finger.

Slowly, she started to trace something. Her fingertip was like a feather tickling Emily's skin. Emily watched her draw something several times before she realized that the two identical curves meeting at a point near her wrist was meant to be a heart.

"Oh." She glanced at Courtney. "A heart?"

Courtney smiled and nodded. She was close enough that she was able to get a whiff of the brunette's scent. She smelled like Alison. It was gross. Courtney wanted to punish her for it, but she knew better now.

She let out a quiet sigh and then gently put the bulky crayon in Emily's palm. She stared at the little lines in her skin before closing Emily's fingers around the crayon and letting her hand go.

She opened her sketchbook to a page of a greyscale picture of a forest in bloom. It didn't look anything like it would in nature. It was flat and dull and colorless. Courtney tore the page out of the book and pushed the image over towards the brunette.

She turned her attention back to the book, flipping to another page. She lowered her head and picked up another crayon and started drawing with it. She waited for Emily to follow suit, but Emily just stared at her in bewilderment.

Courtney lifted her hand and touched Emily's hand, which was still in the air. She tried to get Emily to lower it. She dipped her chin forward, her eyes darting to the trees on the paper.

"I don't understand." Emily frowned at the crayon in her hand.

Courtney curled her fingers around Emily's hand and guided it towards the paper. Emily stared at the unfinished image and then looked at the olive brown colored crayon in her hand. It unnerved her to see the colorless leaves. Did Courtney know that would bother her? Is that why she'd given it to her?

It felt wrong, a beautiful picture of nature without the vibrancy of life. She felt compelled to shade in what Courtney had missed…or had purposefully left out. Is that how Courtney saw the world?

She crouched lower, concentrating on the picture as she moved the crayon in broad strokes against the image.

Courtney watched her out of the corner of her eye, satisfied that Emily was filling in the void. That's what the brunette had always done. She had always fit the broken holes perfectly, connecting to her and creating something beautiful.

Courtney was the darkness. Emily was the light that painted colors in her world. They balanced each other.

It was only when Emily finished shading in the trees that she realized what the picture represented.

Autumn.

Emily felt a lump in her throat. Was Courtney trying to tell her something about her daughter? Was she threatening her?

The crayon slipped from her hand and bounced against the table.

"What the hell is this?" Emily jerked her head up and looked at Courtney. "Is this about Autumn?"

Courtney didn't move. She didn't nod or shake her head no.

A primal urge took over inside of the brunette, an urge to protect her daughter at all costs.

"You will never see her again. Over my dead body."

She expected Courtney to react, to lash out, but the blonde simply shook her head and twisted her lips into a perplexed expression.

Courtney reached for a smaller sketchpad and started flipping through the pages until she found the image she was looking for. She flipped it over, revealing the letters O and K in fancy calligraphy. She mimed frantically to the letters, trying desperately to explain something…to make Emily understand.

"Is she okay?"

She put the little sketchpad down and pushed Emily's crayon over to her again.

"No." Emily pushed it away. "This isn't a high school art class. If you want to say something, say it."

She was starting to get pissed off. Courtney could fool everyone else in the world, but Emily knew she could hear her. She knew she understood perfectly. Isaac was right. She was doing it on purpose.

"I didn't come here to play nice with you." Emily pushed herself to her feet, knocking the chair over.

Courtney mirrored her motions, watching her carefully.

"Did you mean any of it?" Emily asked. "All that stuff about loving me and wishing you could take it all back?"

Had it all been a lie? Another manipulation?

Courtney's lips twisted into an unreadable smirk.

"God, you haven't changed at all, have you?" She was stupid. She was so stupid. All the bullshit that Courtney had spouted to her on her deathbed swirled around in her head.

The thoughts wouldn't stop. Her hands shot to her temples in frustration and she gripped them roughly as though her head had split open and she had to hold it closed.

"What did you do to me?" Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

She wanted it to be over. She wanted to be able to breathe again. She wanted the nightmares to stop.

"I want you gone."

Courtney said nothing.

"You destroyed me." Emily growled, eyes dark in ire. "Is that what you wanted?"

Courtney still said nothing

"God damn it, Courtney!" Emily slammed her hand against the table, shaking the art supplies, knocking over the box of flat-tipped crayons. "Talk to me! You owe me that much!"

Courtney pursed her lips like she was about to say something, but then she smiled and cocked her head to the side like it was picture day in elementary school.

Emily lowered her head. Tears bit her eyes. She saw a slow blur of motion.

Courtney moved around the table. Emily warily watched as the blonde's palm moved towards her face.

Emily didn't have any time to react before it was against her cheek. Courtney cupped her face softly, her fingers brushing through her thick head of lustrous hair.

Emily huffed out a surprised breath. There was something different about Courtney's touch. Something soft. Kind.

She felt a mass in her throat.

She didn't want to react to the touch. But she did. Her body did.

Her cheeks flushed with color, and she hated herself because of it.

She took a deep breath, trying to hide the fact that she was shivering inside. She couldn't let Courtney see.

She let out a shaky breath.

"We're not supposed to be this close."

She tried to swallow the mass in her throat, but it was stuck. She couldn't seem to look away.

"You're not supposed to have physical contact with anyone. You're not supposed to touch me…"

Courtney's eyes were swirling with something that Emily couldn't pinpoint, an emotion that only existed for her.

"You have to let me go." Emily's voice came out far softer than she meant for it to.

Courtney's lip turned into a snarl. She ripped her hand away, a few loose strands of Emily's hair coming with it.

"It's not healthy. It never was. It's bad for you. For me. I…I can't let you keep haunting me. And you have to accept that I was never yours."

It sparked an irate huff from the blonde. Fury flew across Courtney's face.

Emily glared back at her, giving her back the exact same ire.

"Don't grunt at me like a fucking caveperson. I know you can talk." She held back the "you fucking bitch" that was on the tip of her tongue, but her tone said it all.

She looked at Courtney with her eyebrows curved, whittling three angry lines in her forehead.

Emily was convinced she knew what Courtney was doing. She knew it was an act to keep her out of prison. She was a master at playing the game. And Emily got sucked in every fucking time.

When she looked at Courtney all she could see was the jagged broken pieces of her past. Every insecurity that Courtney had ever preyed on came rushing back to her. When she was in the blonde's presence she was the girl she'd been before she broke out of her shell. Before the purple hair and the motorcycle. Before she dared to love so fiercely that she'd put her life on the line for her girlfriend and her child. And she would never go back to before.

She was done.

She took a deep breath and moved back, putting distance between them. Courtney looked at her in displeasure, but she didn't follow her.

"You know, I used to think there was something wrong with me." Emily knitted her brows together. "Every time you touched me I thought it was my fault….for feeling what I felt…for my body's reaction. I thought maybe it was something I was doing…some kind of signal that I was sending you or something."

Courtney clenched her teeth and scowled. Emily could practically hear her screaming that she wasn't like her…that she wasn't an "abomination".

"I didn't always pull away at first. And I never understood why." Emily's forehead crinkled in confusion as she dug through the memories she'd been trying to forget, but looking back on them now gave her a different perspective. "But I think I get it now. You were so sad. I could feel your pain…your desperation."

Courtney growled under her breath in objection, but it didn't faze Emily.

"I felt sorry for you. I let my sympathy blind me to what you really are." Emily lowered her voice. But it wasn't soft. It was quiet. Deadly.

She watched Courtney carefully. She watched her stance. She watched her hands and feet. She made sure she wasn't thinking about making a move. Because she was going to lay her ass out if she did.

"It's not your fault, Courtney. The way you feel is not your fault. It's how God made you. But I finally realized that it's not my responsibility to make you see that. It never was. You just made me think it was."

The girl had violated more than just her body. She'd violated her mind. And Emily had opened the door and let her in to do that. Now she understood that she had just as much power to close that door, too.

"The things you did are inexcusable. I understand that you're not in your right mind, but that's not an excuse. It doesn't make what you did to me okay. It doesn't make what you did to Alison…to Maya…to my dad…to my child okay. You tried to kill the people I love. You tortured us."

Courtney's shoulders drooped, her eyes darting away from Emily to the floor. It was almost as if she felt remorse.

"You didn't just try to take something from me physically. You tried to hurt me…mentally and emotionally. And you don't get to keep that control."

"The dreams are about control."

Doctor Sullivan had been right after all.

"I'm done," Emily said. "I came here today to tell you that. I came here to say goodbye."

Courtney slowly lifted her head, her eyes meeting Emily's. Her crystal blue eyes were glistening with tears. In the past it would have drawn Emily to her to comfort her, but Courtney didn't have that power anymore.

When Emily didn't do what she wanted Courtney snorted out an angry breath through her nose. She balled up her fists at her sides and took several strides towards her, but she stopped when she saw that Emily was refusing to back down.

She wasn't a scared little lamb anymore.

My sweet Emily.

She would always be her sweet sweet Emily.

Courtney stared at her through unblinking eyes as she slowly lowered herself back into the chair in front of the table. She calmly picked up the black crayon she'd had in her hand when Emily walked in. She stared at the paper in front of her, angrily pressing down with the crayon and making deep purposeful strides.

She was like a child stubbornly ignoring her.

Emily watched her for a few minutes. Letting her go should have come a lot easier for her, but it was akin to pulling down a barbed wire fence with her bare hands.

They had never been friends, much less lovers, but there was still an invisible force linking them together.

The extent of their relationship had been a lot like a puzzle that never made any sense. None of the pieces fit and she knew none of them fit, yet she would stare at those pieces for hours…days…years, just trying to make sense of the full picture.

For Courtney, it was the opposite. The puzzle that made no sense to Emily made perfect sense to her. She saw them as a perfect fit. She could see the ways that their broken bits fit together. Emily filled the empty areas in her puzzle. She made her complete.

As Emily watched Courtney immersing herself in her artwork she felt a sense of sorrow. Courtney had never been alive when it came to her heart. She was simply existing in a world she had created in her mind.

And so she grieved for Courtney. She grieved for a loss that had never truly happened, because while Courtney was still alive she wasn't living.

The overwhelming feeling of loss slowly poured out of her. For Courtney. For Isaac. For herself, and for the innocence that had been stolen from her.

She'd come to break the chains that had been weighing her down since the day Courtney had pinned her down and tried to hurt her the very first time.

Emily cleared her throat, trying to get Courtney's attention. She saw the top of her blonde head bobble. Courtney wavered, but she didn't look up.

Emily reached for the chair that had been knocked over. She bent down and picked it up. Then she pushed it back towards the table. The gentle motion of the chair striking the edge of the table finally drew Courtney's attention away from her art.

She looked up at Emily. There were tears in her eyes, but Emily wasn't deterred.

She cleared her throat again and then calmly proclaimed,

"I'm leaving now."

Courtney blinked, her eyes as cold and dead as they'd always been. She watched as Emily turned and took a step towards the door.

There was a finality in her statement. Even her walk was definitive. Decisive. She'd made up her mind. And it's not what Courtney had wanted.

She watched as Emily walked away, her back to her. It was bold. Emily turning her back on the blonde. It could only mean one thing. Emily wasn't in her control anymore.

Panic arose in her chest. She didn't want Emily to leave.

"Emily." It was the first word she'd said aloud since she woke up from the horrid sleep she'd been in for weeks in the hospital.

Her voice was dry and it crackled strangely, like someone had taken rice krispies and shoved them into her throat.

But the noise was unmistakable. The word was unmistakable. Months of silence and the first word she'd said was Emily's name.

Emily stopped in her tracks. Her neck snapped up and her spine curved strangely as her shoulders rolled forward. Her throat felt dry. She forgot how to breathe. Her hands started shaking.

She felt like bolting for the door and never looking back, but she was once again a fly caught in Courtney's dangerous deadly web.

She waited for more words to follow, but the room was completely silent.

Maybe she'd imagined it. Maybe she was hearing things.

She slowly turned around. Courtney was staring at the table.

"What did you say?" Emily asked.

Courtney looked up at her, a childlike expression in her eyes. She cocked her eyebrows and looked at Emily as if the question was ridiculous.

"Say it again." She dared her. Fucking say my name again and see what happens. She held her anger in. She knew it's what Courtney wanted. She liked it when Emily lashed out at her. Emily wasn't going to give her that satisfaction.

Courtney's confusion deepened. She stared at her as if to say "What are you talking about?"

"Courtney…" Emily almost took a step towards her, but she stopped herself.

She hadn't come all this way just to fall under her spell again. That's what Courtney was doing. She was desperately clinging to her because she knew she was losing her. She was playing with her again.

"I meant what I said. Every bit of it," Emily said calmly. "I'm not playing these games with you anymore. Do you get that? Do you understand what I'm telling you? This…" she motioned between them, "…is over. You're never going to see me again."

The quiet innocence was gone. A sulky child was staring back at Emily. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Emily, daring her to actually walk out the door.

She wouldn't…

But then Emily had turned around again. And she was walking…

Walking…

Walking…

She was at the door. She wasn't stopping.

A painful sensation clutched the inside of Courtney's chest. Her face was hot. Her eyes stung, but she couldn't cry. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She felt it, but she couldn't express it.

She knew it was because she was broken.

And only Emily knew how to fix her.

"Don't go," she said quietly, a whisper that Emily didn't hear.

Emily stopped long enough to glance over her shoulder, her eyes locking on steely bluish grey stones that had haunted her for years.

Looking directly into the window to a soul that wasn't there was hauntingly staggering in so many ways. Yet when Emily looked at the blonde all she felt was a strange aching sensation in her chest. After everything Courtney had done, how was it possible that she still had sympathy for her? How could her heart still break for her? Why the fuck did she care so much?

Doubts suddenly clouded her mind. Her thoughts were swirling around in her head. Had she been selfish in her actions?

Did I do the right thing coming here?

She looked into Courtney's eyes, and she saw their entire history. She saw the anger. The pain. The confusion. She saw the raw unadulterated hatred that burned in Courtney's gaze every time they were together. She remembered how Courtney made her feel. She remembered what Courtney had done to her.

Emily had always prided herself on finding the best in people. She tried to help people. She'd tried to help Courtney. But it was time for her to admit to herself that there were going to be people in her life that she couldn't help, especially not if it hurt her.

She had to let go.

She took one last look at the blonde.

"Goodbye, Courtney."

She took a breath and then walked through the threshold, severing the tether between them, taking what was left of Courtney's heart with her.

Courtney wanted to scream. She wanted to tear the room apart and set the building on fire. She had so many voices screaming inside of her, but she sat calmly at the table, staring at the stray pieces of Emily's hair that she'd caught between her fingers. She could still feel Emily's skin against hers.

She'd managed to snag several tendrils of her hair. She brought the strands of what she had left of Emily up to her nose and inhaled as she stared at the open door.

"Goodbye, Emily," she uttered quietly, a dark grin on her face.

She stared at the door, unmoving for several minutes. She counted steps in her head. She had counted the steps on her way in. It was 280 steps out to the waiting area. Another 140 to get out to the parking lot. Then Emily would probably have to walk about 40 or so to get to the guest parking area.

When she was certain that Emily was climbing into her car she nodded in satisfaction. Emily was safe. The baby was safe. And all she had to do was wait patiently.

Emily would come back. She always came back to her.

She lowered her head and started humming. She dragged the thick light brown crayon across a sketch sheet, filling in the shades of color on Emily's face. Her sketchbooks were lined with images of the brunette.

She dug the crayon into the paper harshly, thinking about the determined look on Emily's face. It was the same look Emily had when they were in bed together in her dreams.

The brunette's outburst had sent shivers up her spine. Courtney loved it when she took control.

She reached into her gown pocket and pulled out a small square piece of paper. She unfolded the edges and looked at the still image captured in time by a camera years ago. The worn photograph of them outside the church in San Antonio was all she had left of Emily.

Except…

She picked up the crayon that Emily had been using. She observed it, tilting her head curiously. She lifted it towards her nose, inhaling sharply. Through the pungent waxy aroma she could smell traces of the brunette. She gently pressed her lips against it, trying to taste her.

What she wouldn't give to taste her.

What she wouldn't give to feel her.

A grin slowly spread across her face.

She held the crayon close to her chest and sauntered over to her bed. She sat down on the edge of the mattress and rolled the thick crayon around in her hand. She lifted it towards her face and lightly traced it against her cheek, imagining it was Emily. She trailed the tip of it against her jaw, down the side of her neck, underneath the front of her gown, against her chest.

"Emily." She uttered.

Words were coming to her easier now for some reason.

She slid under the covers, her fingers and the crayon disappearing beneath them.

She closed her eyes and imagined Emily with her.

Hot skin.

Wet lips.

Skilled fingers.

Emily was above her, hovering, leaning down to kiss her. Courtney kissed her ear, lightly at first. Then she bit down, tugging on it, making Emily cry out. It made Emily retaliate roughly…just the way she liked it.

"Emily." She huffed again.

Courtney was in the midst of something amazing when a loud clattering noise and Eddie's voice shattered the illusion.

"Jesus Christ, Courtney." Eddie was by her bed, yanking the covers off and pulling her off the mattress. "What the hell are you doing?"

He reached for the crayon, but when he tried to take it away she screamed and lunged at him, biting into the flesh on his arm.

"Agh!" Eddie growled out. "Damn it!" He hissed under his breath. He yanked his arm free the second she let go. "I can't overlook this. I'm going to have to go to the infirmary." He shook his head, rubbing the bite on his arm. "Damn shame. All that progress. You were doing so well."

Courtney glared menacingly at him. She was like a wild animal. She backpeddled away from him, crayon still in hand. She cowered in the corner, refusing to let it go.

Eddie sighed.

"Just stay here, kid. I'm going to get the doc." He glanced at the teeth marks in his arm. "Don't hurt yourself." He looked at the crayon, his lip curling. "They're going to suspend your art privileges now. You know that, right?"

He'd seen a lot in his time working with mental health patients, but he was a little skeeved out by Courtney's actions. To Courtney's dismay, he gathered up the rest of the crayons. She watched him with a hateful glare, but she didn't move.

"No more funny business, okay?" Eddie glanced at her before walking towards the door, closing it behind her. She heard the locking mechanism click into place.

She gave it two minutes, counting the steps, making sure he was really gone. Then she walked over to her bed and calmly sat down against the edge of the mattress. She stared at the crayon in her hand. She brought it up to her lips to kiss it, then she reached underneath the mattress and felt around for the tiny slit she'd created weeks ago. They still hadn't found it. It's where she hid her favorite gems…her tokens that reminded her of Emily.

She quickly made her bed and then sat down on the edge, staring at the door, waiting.

That's where Dr. Kingston found her five minutes later.

She eyed him when he walked in. He had his "therapist" face on. Brows angled down, mouth puckered. Had Eddie told him what she was doing? Would he try to take Emily away? She would kill him if he did. She'd find a way.

Wren calmly grabbed a chair and pulled it over towards her. He had a notepad in his hands and a sleek black pen.

She could use that pen. Jam it in his neck. It would be messy. Blood would squirt out everywhere. She shifted on her bed, protectively sitting in front of the area that was hidden underneath the mattress. She inched forward, her eyes on his pen.

Wren noticed. He rubbed his temple and sighed.

"I don't want to have to get someone in here to physically restrain you, so I would advise you not to consider doing what you're thinking of doing."

She hated him. She hated that he was in her head.

She leaned back. He wrote something down.

"I've been told you are acting out."

Courtney defiantly crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Where's the crayon, Courtney?"

She lowered her chin and bared her teeth. There were flecks of brown in between them from where she'd been rubbing it against her mouth.

Wren shook his head and wrote something else down, probably assuming she'd eaten the writing utensil.

"This is not the direction I wanted to see you go." He scribbled on his notepad. "You've taken a giant step back here. I'm afraid that means we're going to put some very strict measures in place. You're no longer to see anyone aside from your treatment team. We'll make arrangements for you to see your family through weekly video sessions, if they're amenable."

He was going to keep Emily away from her. She felt like lunging for his throat. He stood up and turned the chair back towards the table before she had the chance. He was too smart to turn his back to her.

He glanced at the clay mold on the table. He didn't see a reflection of Courtney, but he didn't see Emily in it either. Courtney had made it ambiguous on purpose.

"I knew it was a mistake letting her come here."

She felt like jumping out of her skin. Her brain was on fire.

I'll fucking kill you, she thought.

Her mouth moved and a single word came out,

"No."

He almost dropped his notepad when he heard her scratchy rumbling voice.

"Say again?" He looked at her in surprise.

He'd spent months trying to get her to talk, and Emily had spent an hour with her and she was responding.

"I said no." She stayed perfectly calm, poised on her bed. "You don't get to make that choice for me. If I want to see her I will."

Emily. MY EMILY.

She glanced at the artwork sitting on the table across the room. She looked at the door. A jarring flash of Emily disappearing through it sent a sharp pain through her. She could actually feel her brain being pulled apart, tiny speckles of brain matter everywhere. It pulsed and throbbed like a beating heart. She could feel it sloshing around in her skull. It was heavy.

Black spots formed in her eyes. She wasn't afraid of the spots anymore. The darkness drew her in. It wrapped her in a comforting embrace. She allowed herself to pull her mind from her body.

Images clashed together in her head. Things that she didn't understand, like Emily writhing beneath her as their naked bodies slid together. Slamming into her hard with a strap on as Emily begged her to stop. Then slitting her throat when she fell over the edge of ecstasy.

When she looked back on their secret encounters she remembered the thrill she felt when Emily tried to stop her. It only made her want her more. She'd loved the way she felt. But she also hated how she felt. She looked at Emily and she wanted to make her suffer. She didn't understand how she could love her and hate her at the same time.

Cognitive dissonance.

She had always known there was something different about the way her brain worked. She saw other children smiling, and she could mimic it, but she had never once remembered having a feeling of happiness.

Her parents seemed to know something was wrong, too, but they ignored the signs, like when she killed her first animal. It had been a bird. She'd been throwing rocks at a nest with newly hatched robins. She enjoyed squeezing the life out of the babies when they fell to the ground. Her dad had caught her and sent her to her room without dessert that night. But that was all he'd done.

She spent a lot of her time in childhood wishing she was someone else, but on the surface she was narcissistic. She pretended to feel confident. It wasn't until Emily came along and smiled at her at swim practice that something stirred to life inside of her.

Her memories were hazy, but she had flashes of the times she'd made out with Emily. Those memories cut sharply to the heartbreak she'd felt after she moved away.

The flashes in her mind after that made no sense. One minute she was in San Antonio and the next she was in Rosewood rooting through Alison's closet, taking pictures of her clothes, of all the things she loved. She had no idea how she got there.

She was outside Emily's house.

She was in in DC, watching Maya toke up, shoving a needle in her neck.

She was in a bar.

She was in New York.

She was outside the Fields house.

She was inside Alison's closet, watching herself make love to Emily.

She was fingering herself and crying.

She was watching Emily having what looked like a miscarriage. Blood was everywhere.

She was in the hospital in her prom dress. Alison's prom dress. No, her prom dress.

Then she was back in San Antonio, back before Emily moved. She was shoving Emily against the lockers and trying to make love to her. She was in Emily's empty room trying to take her pants off.

She was in Rosewood, finishing what she started, making love to Emily in the middle of a blizzard. But the girl underneath Emily didn't have her face. She felt Emily's movements though. She was an ethereal presence leaving her body, forcing Alison out of hers. She was outside of herself. She had transcended. She could become Alison. She could be with Emily.

She didn't know what was real anymore. The memories she had that weren't hers were jumbled inside her head all the same, because she had connected to Emily in such a way that their souls touched.

She just needed Emily to see her for who she was. She had never wanted to hurt Alison. She was Alison. Emily just couldn't see that.

A gentle hand was on her face. But it wasn't Emily's. Dr. Kingston had placed his index finger underneath her eye, tugging down, shining a light directly against her pupil. He gently let her chin fall.

Her body had gone limp against the side of the bed. Her arms hung by her side. Her shoulders were slumped. Her head was down, her chin nearly to her chest.

Dr. Kingston had seen her go catatonic before, but he still hadn't gotten answers as to why.

"Courtney…"

The name brought the blonde back to life. When she looked back at him she was a totally different person. Even her body posture was different. She smiled sweetly at him.

"Alison." Her voice was hoarse, but her tone was airy and light.

"Beg pardon?"

"My name is Alison." She continued to smile at him patiently. "Would you tell my girlfriend and my daughter that I'm waiting for them?"

Dr. Kingston frowned at her.

"Your name is Courtney."

No. You're wrong.

She wanted to scream, but she couldn't.

Her brain was being dissected, cut into tiny little pieces.

He's wrong. Courtney is dead. I'm not Courtney. I'm Alison. Emily loves Alison. She loves me.

A red hot ball of anger curdled in her stomach. Why wasn't he listening to her? She didn't belong here.

"I'm afraid Emily isn't coming back…" He replied tentatively. "You have a lot to work on, and I…"

"Out." Courtney snarled.

"What?" He took a step back.

"Get out!" She yelled, leaping to her feet. "GET OUT!"

She screamed louder as she rushed at him. She grabbed a chair and picked it up, slinging it against the wall. It was flimsy plastic with a silicone covering, so it didn't do any damage.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!" Her voice was still hoarse, but the increase in volume was firm and direct.

"Perhaps we can have a talk when you're ready…" He reached for the door, pulling it shut.

Panic set in when she heard the lock mechanism click this time. She was trapped. She raced over and started beating on the door with her palms.

"LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT OF HERE! I'M NOT CRAZY!"

Why did people think she was crazy? Why didn't Emily get her out? They were supposed to be together. She was supposed to have walked out the door with her family.

"Help me! SOMEONE HELP ME! My name is Alison! Alison DiLaurentis! I don't belong in here!"

She let out a caterwauling moan that was so loud it echoed in the hallway.

"I WANT TO GO HOME!" She smacked the door for good measure. "I want to go home." She let out a silent sob and turned around, pressing her back against the door. "I don't belong here." Her voice slowly softened as she slid down towards the floor.

I'm in control.

"Emily, come back."

I loved you.

She stared at the clay mold she was still working on. She'd finish it today. Now that she had the final pieces of the puzzle.

She tilted her head back and smacked it against the door softly. She stared at the ceiling.

She had saved Emily's life, and the brunette couldn't even find it in her heart to repay the favor?

She was going to die in this hellhole. And it was all Emily Fields' fault. The brunette had done it to her again. She'd made her feel things. She'd made her love her. And now she was in hell. Emily was wrong. It wasn't natural. Her feelings were not natural. And nothing about Emily was natural.

I sacrificed everything for her. Courtney started wringing her hands together. After everything I've done for her and she just abandons me? That ungrateful bitch.

She twisted her fingers against her gown so roughly that it ripped.

She had to find a way out. And she would get rid of that stupid blonde girl once and forever. Then she could finally be with Emily.

She stared at the window, wondering if Emily knew just how much she loved her, and to what lengths she would go to in order to be with her.

This is not over.

She was once again a shell of a former human. She was a machine in control of a body. And she refused to stay trapped in hell any longer. She closed her eyes, took a breath, and let go.

Darkness.

She felt herself floating.

Emily. My Emily.

She was in Alison's body. She was with Emily.

o ~ O ~ o

Alison had been anxiously watching the clock for over an hour. Emily had told her to go get something to eat while she was waiting, but Alison had stubbornly refused to leave the parking lot.

She impatiently tapped her foot against the floorboard as she stared at the book on the dashboard. She'd brought it to pass the time. She hadn't read one word of it.

She had been fidgeting and looking at her phone every two minutes. It felt like the visit was taking an eternity.

When she heard her phone chime she sat up so quickly that she almost bashed her head on the car's ceiling. She felt herself deflating when she saw the text wasn't from Emily.

She stared at Isaac's name and contact photo, which was a picture of him quietly talking to Autumn. She had taken it at his first visit. Autumn looked insanely cute in it.

Seeing him being so soft with the baby made his presence in their life feel much less threatening. It also helped that he genuinely cared about all three of them. He even asked Alison how things were going with her from time to time.

She glanced at his text, which bore a stunning semblance to her own feelings.

Don't want to bug her while she's visiting. Everything ok?

It was a question she didn't have an answer to, and it was driving her crazy.

Idk. I was banned from going in.

I'm surprised you didn't put on a disguise and sneak in after her.

She'd actually thought about doing that. She furrowed her brow at the phone. Then she burst into laughter. He had only known her for a few months, but he already knew her very well.

It crossed my mind, but then I realized she'd be mad at me.

Yeah, having Em mad at you is like having a puppy being disappointed in you or something.

He painted a unique picture with words.

Another message from him popped up, this one more serious in tone.

Just give her some breathing room. This is a lot. It takes me a long time to decompress after I've been there.

Alison couldn't imagine what it was like for Isaac. She wasn't sure what she'd do if Jason had done the things Courtney had done. Would she still be able to love him?

Thanks. We'll see you in a little while.

He was spending the weekend there. He spent a lot of weekends there. He commuted from DC. He'd offered to treat them to some grub after Emily's visit with Courtney. Alison pulled up the screenshot of a little restaurant in the city he'd picked out for lunch.

Reservations are at 3, but I can move them if I need to. Or if you two decide it's too much and need some time alone I get that. Just let me know. Tell Em to text me. Or you text me. Just don't make me wait until Autumn is of texting age.

Lol. We'll let you know.

When her conversation with Isaac died she started to fidget again. She played a game on her phone and then scrolled through Insta to see what everyone was up to. It was so nice to have her social media back. Courtney didn't have access to any of it. She wasn't even allowed TV privileges.

She swiped through, seeing snapshots of her friends' lives.

Aria was at the beach with her family. She'd posted a boomerang photo of Mike tripping and landing face first in the sand.

Directly below that was a post from Mike, a video he'd taken of dousing his sister with a bucket of water while she was sunbathing. Aria screamed and lunged up off of her towel and threatened to kill him. That's why he'd been running.

Hanna had posted a cute selfie of herself and Caleb at some sort of outdoor concert.

Spencer had posted statistics about child sex trafficking, which was horrifying, but Alison forced herself to read it so she could be better informed to protect Autumn from all the monsters out there.

She scrolled until she got bored. Then she looked at the clock again.

She knew the importance of letting Emily have her space, but after an hour and a half she finally caved and sent Emily a text to check on her.

To her surprise Emily texted back telling her that she wasn't with Courtney anymore. She told Alison about a garden near the back entrance of the facility. She'd gone out to it to clear her head and lost track of time.

Want some company?

Alison made sure to tread lightly, giving Emily the chance to let her know if she needed to be alone.

Yes.

The response was short and sweet and all that the blonde needed to hear to rush off to find her. She paused long enough to scrutinize the text, just enough doubt in her mind that she had to ask,

Courtney didn't kill you and steal your phone, did she? This isn't a trap, right?

Would Courtney know about that thing you REALLY like for me to do to you in bed that we did last night?

Her cheeks flooded with heat. She was convinced. She quickly made her way around the building.

She found the small garden area. It wasn't connected to the building, but it was clearly made for visiting friends and family.

Emily was the only one there. Alison saw her sitting on a bench overlooking rows and rows of different colored roses. The brunette looked as beautiful as the day Alison had seen her moving boxes outside her house. As if she wasn't beautiful enough, the sun added a radiant glow to her naturally tan skin.

Emily's eyes were hidden behind her sunglasses, but Alison could tell by the creases at the top of her nose that she was thinking about something.

The brunette was staring at a bush of blooming lilies. Wren had mentioned that Courtney liked gardening. She tried to picture Courtney digging in the dirt, getting her manicured nails dirty. She cocked her head, curiously wondering if Courtney had cared for the flowers she was looking at.

Was the blonde capable of nurturing life? What kind of life might Courtney's child have had? Would she have been capable of loving the baby?

In a moment of lucidity on the parking deck roof Courtney certainly seemed to understand the innocence in Autumn's eyes. She had gone as far as to give her life for the newborn.

Emily stared at the burst of white lilies. She'd read that white flowers symbolized innocence and peace and were often given to people after the loss of a child. She found herself wondering if Courtney had planted them for her lost child.

There was a certain sense of serenity she felt that came with cautious optimism. Seeing the garden represented a fresh beginning. Maybe Courtney's new beginning would start with a single flower. Maybe the darkness in her soul had one speck of light.

She pulled her sunglasses off and put them on top of her head. She touched one of the flowers, holding it delicately between her fingers. She was so busy staring at the flowers that she didn't even see Alison approaching. She snapped out of her daze when the blonde sat down next to her.

Emily didn't utter a word as she turned towards her, a smile on her face. It was a smile for Alison and only for Alison. She touched the soft flesh on Alison's cheek with her palm and then leaned forward and kissed her.

Alison closed her eyes and hummed into the motion. She saw stars when Emily's lips moved against hers. Every time Emily touched her it made Alison feel exactly like she had the first time they'd kissed.

Emily pulled back, still smiling as she stroked Alison's face. Alison blinked, dumbfounded. She was lost in the brown and golden swirls in Emily's eyes.

"What was that for?"

"For being you." Emily reached for Alison's hand.

Alison stroked her knuckles.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Emily shook her head. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to put what she was feeling into words. The moments she'd shared with Courtney felt like something that should stay between the two of them.

"How do you feel?" Alison questioned.

Emily lifted her head, bathing in the warmth of the sun. The skies had started to clear. The air smelled crisper. It was as if she could smell the new dawn approaching. The other shoe that she'd been worried about coming down was never going to drop. Because it was really over.

The weight had been lifted.

"Free." Emily squeezed Alison's hand and then slowly lowered her head. "I feel free."

Alison took a moment to let Emily enjoy the solace of her newfound freedom. She leaned against her, pressing her shoulder against Emily's.

"Well, whatever shall we do with our newfound freedom?" She smiled at the brunette.

Her smile was one of the things that Emily loved the most about Alison. Even when she was scowling and spitting venom when they were younger Emily could always tell that there was a warm kind of love beneath her smile.

"Spend it with the most beautiful girl in the world."

"You better be talking about me, because if you have another hot chick on the side, I swear…" Alison worried at her lip with a smirk. "I am the beautiful girl, right?"

Emily chuckled.

"Yes, Alison. I only have eyes for you. It's always been that way." She lifted Alison's hand and kissed her knuckles. "You realize this is the first time we've had the day alone since Autumn was born?"

"What do you want to do?"

"Well, the practical part of me wants to curl up and sleep somewhere." Emily leaned back against the bench. The heat of the sun felt good against her skin. She put her arm over Alison's shoulder.

"I could get behind some power napping." Alison leaned against her body.

"How did we go from 18 to 30 overnight?" Emily shook her head with a laugh.

"I've heard that children age their parents rapidly."

"Not our child." Autumn was one of the calmest babies in the world.

Our child.

Alison was flooded with pride every time she heard the words.

"Isaac is convinced she got my temperament. He was apparently really colicky as a baby."

"I'd cry all night too if Courtney was my sister," she uttered under her breath. She froze when she realized she'd said it out loud. "Sorry."

"I'm not going to disintegrate into ashes if you say her name." Emily shrugged. "I came here today to let that part of my life go. She doesn't control me anymore."

"She never did." Alison reached up and pressed the tip of her index finger against Emily's lip, dragging it lightly against the edge of her mouth, tracing the curve of her smile. "No one can control you. Because you're the most fierce warrior I know. Even when the devil herself was trying to drag you down to hell you fought her every step of the way. You clawed your way out of her grasp. And you survived."

"Yeah." Emily smiled, tucking a tendril of Alison's hair behind her ear. "But I didn't do it alone. I met a really stubborn woman along the way determined to fight every battle with me. Scrappy little thing."

"Who are you calling scrappy?" Alison's jaw dropped mid-laugh. "If I recall correctly you threw the first punch in the cafeteria. I knew a winning right hook when I saw one."

"What do you even know about boxing?" Emily poked her in the ribs, teasing her.

"Everything you taught me." She leaned forward with accuracy, speed, and precision…and she kissed the tip of Emily's nose.

Emily retaliated with a swift kiss on her lips and a squeeze of the hand.

Their moment was interrupted by a jingling noise coming from Emily's pocket. She pulled her phone out to find a picture of her daughter grinning wildly. She had a cute pink beanie on her head and was wearing a half-smile on her face. She had a red teething ring in her hands that was in a blur of motion.

Her mother was slowly getting the hang of texting. She was trying to get better with technology for her granddaughter's sake.

The message attached had several heart-eye emojis followed by,

Someone is a little giggle machine today.

Emily smiled at the image. She twisted her phone so Alison could see.

"I should probably call to check on her." The picture of her baby was a reminder that it was the first time she'd left her alone for so long.

When she looked up she saw a sheepish look on Alison's face.

"What?" Emily asked.

"I already called," she said. "Twice. While you were in there. Your dad told me to stop acting like a worried old biddy." She paused and then frowned. "What's a biddy?"

"You would think that after so many years of being his daughter I would know how to speak 'Wanye Fields' but I have no idea." Emily laughed.

"He said she was fine."

Emily knew her parents could handle Autumn.

She called anyway. She couldn't help herself.

Her mother picked up after the first ring. Emily was surprised to see that she answered with the video on.

"Hey, honey." There was a slight edge of tension in her mom's voice. "How did it go?"

She still couldn't believe what Courtney had done to her child. Pam Fields was a God-fearing woman, but even she'd had a difficult time finding it in her heart to forgive Courtney's sins. She was a mother first. A Christian second. And the mother in her wanted to rip Courtney to shreds for hurting her baby girl. She referred to the 'crusades' section of the Bible for her wrath.

"It helped." Emily glanced at the garden. If hope could spring eternal in the darkness, it would start with the beauty of nature. "I'm good, mom," she said before her mother could launch into a worried rant. "How are things there? How is she?"

"Oh, she's a grandparent's dream." Her mother's tone was sugary and filled with pride. Just the fact that her daughter had given birth to such a wonderful little angel made every day brighter.

"Can you put her on?"

"Sure…let me…" Pam drew the phone close to her face, her brow furrowed in confusion. She didn't have a lot of practice with video calls yet. "Your father isn't here to help me with this. How do you do this…" There was a shuffling sound on the line followed by Pam saying a swear word and then immediately telling Autumn never to say that word.

Then the image flipped from her mother to the living room. The camera focused in on Autumn. She was laying in her bouncy chair, fingers in her mouth. Pam moved the camera closer to her.

Autumn gurgled and cooed, smiling to herself, unaware that all eyes were on her.

Emily cooed, "Hi baby" at the same moment that Alison called, "Autumn."

When she heard her mothers she perked up. Her eyes searched the area. She blinked several times and finally peered at the phone that Pam was holding in front of her.

"Hi." Emily waved with a huge smile on her face.

Autumn's lips twisted up, turning into a grin. She giggled. It was a sound that they would never tire of hearing.

Her eyes lit up in excitement as she kicked her arms and legs in response. She recognized their voices. She tightened her grip on her teething ring and let out a string of incoherent garbles.

Emily and Alison fell all over themselves as they talked to her. After a few minutes of pure joy Emily had to wave "bye, bye" because she knew they'd be late meeting Isaac otherwise.

"We've got to go. We're meeting Isaac for a late lunch," Emily said.

"How is he holding up?" Pam asked.

"It's tough. I think he's fighting a lot with his parents." Something Emily was glad she didn't have to worry about anymore. She'd found peace with her parents. It wasn't easy getting to that point, but that's where they were.

Isaac's parents barely acknowledged their daughter's existence. After she pulled through her surgery they had basically excommunicated her. They had found out the extent of her misdeeds and used their religion as a weapon, and moreover as an excuse to justify their disengagement. Her mother had not been the same since she collapsed at hearing the news that Courtney had been shot. Her father couldn't even look at her. Her parents hated her, but more than that they feared her.

Emily could understand not wanting anything to do with her, but there was something twisted about the fact that her own parents didn't want her. Parents were supposed to love their children unconditionally. Instead, they had abandoned her when she needed them most.

Isaac could have easily done the same, but Courtney knew he wouldn't. That's why she had him listed on her living will. In the end Courtney knew her brother would do the right thing. That's what made Isaac so drastically different from the rest of his family.

"He's really had a lot put on him at such an incredibly young age. And all without a support system…" She sighed.

"His grandparents are doing what they can," Emily said.

"Find out if there is anything we can do to help him." It didn't surprise Emily that her mother was extending kindness to him.

Pam hated the rest of his family, but she cared for Isaac, which was ironic considering he got Emily pregnant. Then again he was the only one innocent in the entire situation.

"I'll ask," Emily said.

"You two be careful." It was her mother's way of saying goodbye and to take care. Her baby being in the big city made her nervous.

"Take care of my baby. Give her lots and lots of smooches." Emily saw Alison crack a smile.

Alison loved to tease Emily when she got sentimental around Autumn. The brunette was still the same badass she was before she'd had Autumn. She still puffed her chest out if men looked at Alison a little too long. She still stood up for herself and her loved ones. But she was mush when it came to their daughter. It was endearing.

Emily liked to tease her right back, because the blonde was wrapped around Autumn's tiny little fingers.

After she hung up she glanced at Alison.

"Did you seriously say smooches?" Alison broke into laughter.

"You called her your teeny weeny wuvbug last night." Emily lifted her brows with a smile.

"I can't believe this is really our life now." Alison chuckled.

"It's a good life." Emily wrapped her arm around Alison, pulling her close.

Alison smiled at her.

"It really is."

It hadn't been an easy road, but the destination had been worth all the pain. Their life, their family, was worth waking up for every morning. They had been more blessed than they ever realized.

They had learned that the best family was their chosen family.

Isaac was one of those chosen few.

They were reminded how lucky they were to have Isaac in their lives when they sat down to eat lunch with him. He'd already pre-paid for the meal by putting a credit card down. Emily and Alison insisted they chip in. They did a dance back and forth before they caved and let him take care of it.

"Thank you for this. This is super nice of you." Emily smiled at Isaac as a waiter put their plates down on the table.

"Don't mention it." Isaac smiled back, sipping his soda through a straw. "So, how are things going with you two?"

He skipped talking about Courtney. He knew Emily would bring it up if she wanted to. He also didn't want what little time they had together to be tainted with the likes of his sister and her horrors.

"Staying busy." Emily chuckled. "Newborn plus job plus overeager grandparents blowing up my phone begging for daily photos."

"I bet they love her." Isaac leaned forward, plunking his elbows on the table.

"I think they love her more than they love me." Her parents were insane about Autumn. It was kind of cute.

"Grandparents have a special kind of love. That's just how it goes." A crease formed in his brow.

If it wasn't for his grandparents he wouldn't have any family he wanted to claim. They'd been a Godsend.

He cleared his throat, uncomfortable with the silence.

"How's the planning for Hollis going, Alison?" he asked. "You ready for the chaos of college?"

"Not much crazy to be had there." Alison played with a tater tot on her plate. She was thankful that Hollis was quiet. She needed quiet after the crazy senior year she'd had. "The campus is kind of small in comparison to Georgetown. How is it there Mr. Bigshot Football Star?"

She grinned at him. She playfully tossed a tot at him. He caught it with a laugh. She was slowly coming in to her own around him. The awkwardness was fading between them. It might have looked odd to an outsider, but their little family worked.

"Even though we haven't officially started, the team is already pretty close." He popped the tater tot in his mouth.

"You must have won them over with your giant dorky puppy dog charms." Emily teased.

Isaac gave her a sly wink and then clucked his tongue.

"You know it. When you got it, flaunt it." He leaned back in the booth and smiled. "I'm just clowning. Wish I could take the credit. But a certain little lady I have as my screensaver has all the guys wanting to be my friend."

Alison put her arm around Emily's waist, her eyes on Isaac,

"You can look, but don't touch."

"Ree-laaax." Isaac chuckled. "Check it." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed them the screen.

Autumn was his lockscreen. She was smiling a large toothless grin. Her eyes were bright and excited. Emily remembered taking the picture. She'd been making goofy faces at her.

"They're kind of in love with her. My running back's brother just had a baby, and one of the linemen is a couple of years older. He's got one on the way. And our best wide receiver has a baby sister he adores. We talk about them all the time."

"She's my lockscreen, too." Emily showed off the picture on her screen. It was a close up of Autumn in Alison's arms. Her eyes almost looked blue in the light.

"Same." Alison lifted her phone.

"She's a damn cute kid." Isaac put his phone down and grabbed several fries. He dipped them in some barbecue sauce and shoved them in his mouth. "So, Em…" He chewed, and Emily couldn't help but laugh. He was such a boy. "What you got going on? You still thinking about college?"

"I'm working full time now." Emily scraped some rice around on her plate. "Full benefits and everything. It's working out really well. I'm going to audit some classes. I'm interested in Hydrotherapy. I want to work with people. I want to help them."

The idea of rehabilitation therapy came to her when a girl at the gym hurt herself, but still wanted to exercise. Hydrotherapy seemed right up her alley. It combined several things that she loved. The pool, physical fitness, and helping people.

"That's awesome." Isaac took a bite of his burger. "How's Autumn doing with all these changes happening?"

Emily and Alison wore matching grins on their faces at the mention of their baby girl.

"She's great," Emily said. "She's getting bigger and cuter every day. The pictures and videos we send don't do her justice."

She reached for her phone again and started swiping through some of the newest photos. Her photo album was basically full, and it was all snapshots of her daughter.

"I was thinking about coming for a visit on Labor Day before classes start if you're cool with it." He twirled his straw around in his drink. He pressed his lips against the tip of it and blew softly, creating a variance of different sized bubbles.

Emily chuckled. It was hard to believe he'd fathered a child when he still played with his soda like he was five years old.

Before Emily could answer Alison piped in,

"You won't believe how much she's grown. She finally fits in the little football jersey you got her. I bet she'd love to show it off. She's such a little ham."

Autumn was very much a rockstar. Everyone who knew her could never get enough of her, and she knew it. She was such a little diva.

"I bet she'd love to see your face when it's not on a screen." Emily added. Though she did love their facetime calls.

"Straight up?" he asked.

"Nothing straight about us." Emily winked.

Isaac laughed sheepishly. He'd grown used to seeing her with Alison. It had taken him some time, but he'd come to terms with what they'd had, and he didn't regret any of it. Because Autumn was the best thing that had happened to all of them.

"She lives for your facetimes." Emily put her fork down. "She's always so happy and babbly after you've read Goodnight Moon to her."

Isaac did a bunch of voices, one of his dorkier qualities that had translated well in child-rearing.

He had gotten his soon-to-be teammates to sing her "the itsy bitsy spider", making it fun, of course, because her mother feared no spiders and he didn't want her to fear them either.

"You should come stay the weekend with us." Emily offered.

"I'd like that."

"We'd like it, too." Alison took a drink of her lemonade. "Free babysitting." She grinned. "Childcare is too expensive."

That got a roaring laugh from both Emily and Isaac.

They shared a lot of laughs as they finished their meal. Emily smiled along with them, though in the back of her mind she couldn't help but think about the reason she'd come to New York in the first place.

Courtney was a diminishing shadow slowly fading from her mind. Watching Isaac and Alison smile and joke around with each other was a cure for an ailment she didn't even know she had.

After they were done they walked out together. Emily and Isaac lingered behind Alison on the sidewalk.

"It was really good to see you, Em." He glanced at Alison sauntering towards the car. "Both of you."

"It was good to see you, too. I'm glad that we're friends again."

"We were never not friends." He smiled. "You're stuck with me, kid." He playfully tapped her jaw with his fist.

Emily laughed.

"You better watch out. I've got my spring back in my step." She grinned as she raised a fist.

"I give." He threw his hands up. "Don't beat me up. I promise to give you all my lunch money for the rest of my life."

Emily shook her head and let out a quiet chuckle.

"Actually, speaking of money…" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded white envelope. "I did something. For Autumn."

He shuffled on his feet. The playful banter had faded.

He handed her a bank statement.

"I know it's a little early and I know it's not much, but…I started her a savings account. It can be a college fund or whatever. I'm putting aside ten percent of each paycheck…"

"Isaac…"

"Before you tell me no I want you to know I'm not doing it because I feel like I have to. I want to. I know you said you don't want me to be a bank account, but that's not what this is. This is an investment in her future." He looked at the blonde standing by the car. "I know Alison is loaded, but I also know that you're too stubborn to take her family money. Your work ethic is something I admire, but you can't do this all on your own. It takes a village. Or…at least that's what they say."

"Thank you." She put the envelope in her pocket. She wasn't going to turn his generosity down.

He seemed surprised that she didn't fight it more. He relaxed.

"Yeah. No problem." His eyes darted to the ground, and for a few brief seconds Emily saw the same old bashful Isaac she'd known back in San Antonio, back before everything happened with Courtney.

Courtney had worked very hard to destroy the people in her life who loved her. Emily wasn't the only survivor. Isaac was, too.

"Hey, how are you?" Emily reached up to touch his shoulder, but pulled back at the last minute. Old habits were really hard to break.

"You just faced one of the hardest things in your life and you're asking me how I am?" He lifted his brows incredulously.

"You're allowed to have your feelings, too."

"What are these feelings you speak of?" He hid behind a smile. "Don't you know anything about boys? Us dudes just go around pretending everything is fine and then go beat the shit out of each other by way of sports."

"So…are you good or…"

"I'm super good." He put his fists against his sides and puffed his chest out, striking a fake superhero pose.

"Seriously, are you getting help?" Emily frowned at him, almost a motherly frown.

"Yeah." He dropped his hands, and the act, "I've got a shrink. He makes me say words and stuff." He shrugged uncomfortably.

Emily could tell he didn't want to say anything more, so she didn't pry. She just wanted to know he was taking care of himself.

"Good. I won't bother you about it anymore. But know that you can always talk to me." They'd both been in the direct line of fire on a hell of a battlefield.

"Thanks. The same goes for you." He rubbed his wrist, his fingers catching on his watch. He looked at the time.

"What else do you have on the Big City agenda today?" Emily questioned.

"I've got to make a pit stop to see Dr. Kingston, but after that I'm heading back to DC." He rubbed his head, huffing out a breath. It was going to be a long drive.

"You're not staying the weekend?"

"No. Doc thinks Courtney needs some solitude."

"Oh…" Emily swallowed hard. "Did something happen? Was it my visit?"

"No," he said quickly, flashing a hand as if to tell her to stop. He didn't want her to feel guilty. "No, not at all. Sometimes her treatment varies. I just roll with it."

"You're a good brother."

"God knows she doesn't make it easy." He rolled his eyes. "You doing okay?"

"I am."

"Good." He left it at that.

"We'll see you in a few weeks." Emily leaned forward and embraced him in a hug.

He stiffened up at first, thinking about how undeserving he was since he hadn't seen the truth about his sister sooner. But after a few seconds he melted into the embrace and hugged her back.

"Give the munchkin all my love."

"Text me when you get home so I know you got there safely."

Isaac snorted out a laugh.

"God, you really are a mom." He skipped backwards towards his rental car before she could punch his shoulder. He winked. "Catch you later!"

"Get back here so I can properly deck you for that!" Emily called.

But he was already diving into his car. She shook her head with a laugh as she walked towards Alison.

"He seems to be in good spirits." Alison was happy to see him smiling.

"He's Isaac." She didn't have to clarify her statement. He was just Isaac. He was her best friend. He was one of the strongest people she knew. She loved him.

"Think she'll get his resilience?" Alison looked at their daughter every day and wondered what she would inherit genetically from him. The more she got to know Isaac the more she liked him.

"She already has." Emily pulled the keys out of her pocket and pressed the unlock button on the key fob.

Finding parking had been a nightmare, but they'd lucked out and found a spot right in front of the restaurant.

She reached for the driver's side door and pulled it open just as Alison reached for the passenger side door. They climbed in.

"So." Emily put the key in the ignition and faced Alison.

"So." Alison replied back with a coy smile.

"We have the rest of the day to ourselves." Emily took Alison's hand in hers. "What do you want to do?"

Something about the way the brunette looked at her sent Alison soaring back into her past. She thought of the first time she'd been on the back of Emily's bike. She had been terrified in the beginning, but as they flew through town she was able to stop and appreciate the wind against her face, her arms strategically wrapped around Emily's body, her head nestled against Emily's back so intimately that it felt as though they'd been together for years.

She wanted Emily to feel as free as she felt that day. And she already had a plan set in motion to make it happen.

"I want to go home." She smiled.

"Then home we shall go." Emily turned the key in the ignition.

The drive back to Rosewood was much more relaxed than the drive out. Emily was finally at ease. She was very chatty.

Alison listened with a smile. She had a surprise waiting for her. She felt like she was going to burst, but she didn't want to spoil it.

She glanced at the text she'd gotten from Spencer nearly half an hour prior.

Toby and I are leaving now. Will get started soon.

Alison smiled at her phone. She reached over and put her hand on Emily's knee. The brunette peered away from the road long enough to look back at her and smile. She truly felt blessed.

o ~ O ~ o

When they got back to Rosewood Alison directed Emily where to go. She sent a quick text to Spencer when they were pulling on Main Street.

Almost Home.

Spencer sent a beautiful picture back.

Ready for you. Have fun.

After Emily parked the car they got out. Alison took her hand and eagerly dragged Emily into the woods. Emily couldn't help but laugh. She hadn't seen the blonde this excited about anything since Autumn was born.

She thought about the methodical way Alison had lured her out to the wishing well when she first got to town. She had been convinced Alison was going to kill her back then.

She looked at Alison with a smile,

"Finally taking me to finish the job you were going to start before you fell irresistibly in love with me?" Emily was trailing along behind her. She was admiring the scenery. The setting sun had set several little dancing shadows in motion as the trees swayed in the breeze.

"You just had to foil my evil dastardly plans with your charm, didn't you?" Alison grabbed her hand and twisted her arm underneath Emily's.

"I tamed the wild beasty." Emily gently pat her head.

Alison rolled her eyes with a laugh.

As they trekked up the hills Emily realized that Alison was taking her along the same trail they hiked the morning after she'd rescued her from the frat party. While Alison had been timid and afraid then, she was confident and assured now.

They hiked out to the ravine overlooking the little river that led to a special place that held a lot of meaning to them.

Once the trail to the Kissing Rock was in view Emily realized Alison had something planned.

"Ali, what did you do?" She stopped when they reached the small canyon separating the trail they were on from the one that led to the Kissing Rock.

"I'll give you one guess." She squeezed Emily's hand. "What do you say?" Alison grinned at her mischievously as she glanced at the gap between the canyons.

Emily had jumped with confidence all those months ago. She was never one to back down from a challenge. She wasn't going to back down now.

"We've come this far." Emily shrugged.

"Together?" Alison asked.

"Together." Emily nodded.

She wrapped her hand around Alison's tightly. They paced back together and then lunged over the canyon, their hands still linked.

When they landed on the other side they were surrounded by a sense of comfort and familiarity. Emily felt like they were chasing the ghosts of their past. It's exactly what the Kissing Rock stood for. Memories.

"You're not so prissy anymore, are ya?" Emily slipped her fingers into Alison's, just like the way she'd done that day.

"No, but you're still every bit as reckless." Alison bumped into her shoulder playfully. "But you told me you had my back, and I believed you."

"I've got you, Ali," she'd said after they jumped the cliff for the first time.

"I'll always have your back." Emily planted a chaste kiss against Alison's lips.

As they walked the winding trail to their destination that day came rushing back to Emily. She remembered sitting on the rock, slowly moving closer. She remembered the way Alison had touched her thigh and licked her lips. She remembered stroking the soft skin on Alison's cheek. She remembered their lips hovering, just waiting to touch. There had been a comfortable silence as they edged closer.

Alison had made her close her eyes, and that's when she'd first heard the whispers of the ghosts. Colors had exploded behind her eyelids. Her body had ached for Alison's touch.

"You feel it, don't you?" Alison had asked. "The ghosts…"

The kiss had been primal and needy, all rushed breaths and tongues clashing. Hearts racing. Bodies demanding more. Alison told her later that she kissed the way she lived.

"Free. Open. Brave."

The memory of that kiss opened doors dating back to their childhood. Emily had never stopped loving her. She never would. They'd loved each other when they were children and now they had a child together. It was wild.

When they got to the clearing Emily stopped in her tracks. The Kissing Rock was surrounded by flickering candles. In the center of it in front of the boulder there was a makeshift bed. Several thick comforters had been laid out on the ground. A bunch of pillows were at the head of the comforters. Spencer and Toby had really gone all out.

"How did you…" Emily faced Alison, speechless.

"With a little help from our friends." Alison held up her phone and showed the text exchange she'd had with Spencer.

Our friends. She loved saying our friends. Before Emily, she'd never had any real friends.

"I thought you might need a getaway after that trip." Alison smiled sweetly.

In a way, Alison's motives were selfish. She wanted the part of Emily that Courtney had stolen from her. But she'd also done it because she wanted Emily to forget about the old wounds she'd had to open up in order to face her monster. She wanted her to be okay. And she would bend over backwards to get her girl anything she needed. That included asking Spencer Hastings to set up a cot in the middle of the woods.

"You did this for me?"

"I would do anything for you."

Emily had given her a new start in life. She was so strong. So confident. And above all she had taken a chance and fallen in love with the bitchiest girl in town.

"The first time we came out here you told me that everything slows down when the seasons change…that we're forced to stop and take a breath." Alison gestured to the set-up. "I started a journey with you that day, and it's been the most incredible experience of my life. I love us. I love our journey, and I can't wait to see where it leads us next. But first…" Alison reached up and touched Emily's cheek. "You can breathe now, Em."

As soon as she said it, Emily felt herself exhale. It was more than just a breath. It was a breath she'd been holding in so long that she'd forgotten she was holding it.

"We've only got a few hours." Alison glanced at the purple trails of the sunset through the tops of the trees. "Let's make the most of it." She sat down on the comforter and peered up at her with a sultry smile.

She reached up with her hand, beckoning Emily to join her. Emily lowered herself to her knees, her lips finding Alison's. The comforters padded the hard ground below them. Emily eagerly leaned forward, but she misjudged the uneven ground. She lost her balance. The pillows gave them a soft place to land as they fell forward. Alison giggled when Emily toppled over on top of her.

"Are you falling for me?" Alison nipped at her lip playfully.

"Not with cheap corny lines like that." Emily uttered sarcastically.

Alison peered into Emily's eyes. Her beautiful blue irises were shimmering in the last light of day.

"You know you love me." Alison touched the side of her neck. She was warm from their hike.

"I do." Emily brushed her hair away from her face. "I really do."

A gentle breeze rolled through. In the silence it sounded like a thousand voices whispering a secret love song.

Just like the last time they'd visited, they could feel an urgent call…the ghosts of lovers past pushing them to do it.

Emily had an intense focus as she took control. She felt different. Lighter. As they gently expressed their love the world shifted. The Earth was moving beneath them, and they could feel it.

They got lost in each other for hours. Not just physically. They connected. They talked. They laid in silence. They held one another. They just existed.

They watched as the stars appeared in the sky.

o ~ O ~ o

Emily hadn't thought of Courtney once since they'd left New York, but 150 miles away Courtney was having visions of Emily that would get her expelled from church.

They hadn't found the crayon in the search, though they'd taken all of her other art supplies. They had let her keep the clay mold. She had pressed the thin hairs she'd plucked from Emily's head atop it before moving it towards her bed.

She peeled back the edge of the bedsheet, which had been tucked into her mattress. The sheets were tight and pristine, just the way she liked them. Not a wrinkle to be found.

She gently laid the bust down in her bed. She smiled at her as she peeled her gown off. She climbed in next to her, giggling, giddy with delight. It was the only way she knew how to feel anything. Emily was the only person in her life who made her feel.

She felt around underneath the mattress for the small slit she'd slid the crayon into and pulled it out.

She stroked the makeshift mannequin's head, closing her eyes and imagining Emily. She got lost in Emily's soft touches. She could feel her fingers. Fingers that were on someone else at that very moment, but she had no way of knowing that. And she didn't care.

She got lost in the smell…the touch…everything Emily. The brunette was beautiful. She finally made love to her, something she'd been wanting to do since the moment she first saw her smiling at her by the pool. Emily had always been too shy to go all the way with her. All Courtney had been able to do was touch her with her fingertips. She'd never forgotten what she felt like…how her body responded.

She closed her eyes and kissed the brunette. She could feel Emily's fingers taking her to new heights. She collapsed into bed next to her after it was over. She couldn't breathe. She was lost in a state of bliss she'd never felt before.

It was only when she heard the cries of their child that she moved away from the warm body she felt next to her.

The table next to her bed was gone. There was a bassinet in its place. She sat up against the edge of the bed, peering down curiously at the child she'd never had. She had the brightest eyes Courtney had ever seen.

"It's okay." Courtney softly touched the baby's cheek, wiping away a tear. "Shh, it's okay."

She reached for the baby, not comprehending that it was just a bundle of clothes. She held the clothing to her chest and rocked the child she saw in her arms.

"Shh. Shh, sweet baby." She smiled down at the infant. "She'll be ours soon."

She turned around and looked at the sleeping brunette next to her. She touched her face, her fingers dragging across the clay mold of Emily.

She pushed the newborn against her exposed chest, feeding a child that didn't exist with milk that didn't exist. She stroked her head, smiling at her.

Her smile was directed to an empty blanket in her arms.

They think I'm crazy. But they don't know. Emily knows. She knows everything about me. She is my everything. They'll see one day. They'll all see.

Emily would be back. They were connected. They were a family.

She would wait an eternity for the family she'd never have. But in her mind she'd always had them.

She closed her eyes. Emily was there, holding her as she rocked their daughter to sleep. In her mind a door was slowly drifting shut, shutting out the light...the reality.

She preferred the darkness. She thrived on it, because in the darkest parts of her mind Emily made it that much brighter. In her mind Emily wasn't with that other girl. That girl was nothing but a placeholder. Emily loved her. And that love was her saving grace. She was an angel. A miracle. Because she was the only person in the world who knew how to make someone without feelings feel love so very deeply that it hurt.

Courtney had never understood love. She wasn't sure she would have even loved her own child. She had imagined hurting Autumn in every possible way. But there was something familiar in her eyes. She had Emily's soul. And Emily's soul was a soul worth loving.

As she nursed her non-existent child she felt a warm pair of arms around her.

Emily.

The brunette kissed her cheek and laid her head against her bare shoulder.

Courtney stared out the window, looking at the stars.

The sky was dark.

o ~ O ~ o

Emily was looking at the exact same stars, but her world was a juxtaposition to Courtney's vision.

She saw the beauty in the night sky. The light, not the dark. She was so thankful that she was still able to see the good after everything Courtney had done.

She held a warm sweaty blonde in her arms. They were wrapped up in the comforters. Alison's head was against Emily's collar bone. Her palm was against her stomach. She loved touching Emily's stomach.

Emily had her arms wrapped tightly around Alison. They were such a natural fit.

"It's beautiful." Alison admired the vast endless nature of space.

"You're beautiful." Emily kissed the top of Alison's head.

Alison smiled and buried her cheek into Emily's skin. She pushed her lips against the thin delicate softness that she had come to know so well.

"Thank you for this." Emily trailed her fingers against Alison's pelvis. She kissed the dimple on her cheek.

"Thank you for showing me what real strength and real love look like."

Her response humbled Emily, because she'd always seen Alison as one of the strongest women she knew.

She pulled her closer, soaking in everything about the blonde. Somewhere between the chaos of moving from Texas and her pregnancy and all the shit they had been through Alison had become her focal point. Her center. Alison calmed her in ways that not even riding, swimming, and boxing calmed her. She had been a beacon of light without knowing just how bright she was.

Emily knew it was too soon to tell whether the demons in her head were gone for good, but she had a feeling that it was over. There was a sense of finality in her visit to Courtney. She replayed the visit in her mind several times. Each time the image of Courtney continued to flicker, slowly dissipating into nothing.

Courtney was nothing now. She didn't exist.

Emily sighed and looked up at the sky. Through the tops of the trees they could see the stars. They bathed her in serenity.

She tried to focus on each and every one, but she felt exhaustion setting in. The stars slowly turned into the black blanket of sky above them.

She blinked, her vision blurring.

Her body relaxed. Her mind was clear.

For the first time in a long time, she slept. She dreamed about Alison and Autumn. The haunting visions of Courtney were gone.

As Emily dreamed of the warmth of Alison's embrace, Courtney dreamed of herself in Alison's body. She snuggled the brunette next to her.

Consciousness was a very strange thing. Courtney preferred to live in her reality. And her reality was that if she couldn't have Emily then no one could. Emily was hers. Emily would always be hers. And she would do anything to make that happen. If that meant not existing in the world that Emily lived in, she would create her own.

The world existed with both of them in it, but they didn't live in the same reality. They didn't exist simultaneously. They couldn't. In a perfect world they were together. In a perfect world Emily belonged to her.

Mine.

Emily Fields is mine. Always and forever.

I'll have her one day.

She belongs to me.

Courtney let the darkness in. She let herself fade from her consciousness. She felt the heat of a thousand suns prickling her skin. It felt incredible. Emily melted into her. She was forged to her by fire.

The brunette was inside of her, in every way possible.

Hell wasn't so bad. Not with an angel by her side.

---

A/N: Shout out to the Kissing Rock scene in s7. This was a complicated chapter to write and edit, so thank you for the patience. I went back and forth on whether I wanted to keep the flashback to the hospital (it made it soooo much longer), but I thought the Hanna/Ali interaction was needed to come full circle with how far those two crazy kids have come.

I also did my best to find the balance between Courtney and Emily. Letting go was always an important part of the story for me. Writing Emily's confrontation with Courtney wasn't easy. Their entire relationship is so complex. Courtney's mind was also very complicated to express.

I hope the dark was balanced out by the light that is Alison/Emily (and a lil bit of Isaac being a dork). I promise you, there will be a lot more Emison in the final chapter. So get ready to turn the page…(in a week or two…).