Sorry for the long wait! The new semester completely caught up with me and I simply had no time to write.
Chapter 45 – Ohana means Family
Ahsoka had silently returned to her room, not really wanting to talk about what had happened, but all the more lost in thought. She knew that sooner or later she should talk to Master Kenobi.
Dropping onto the almost too comfortable mattress, she had her arms crossed over her face, trying to find her inner peace. First Zygerria, now the separatists here in the camp. Ahsoka felt useless. She didn't know where her place was in all of this. The longer Anakin was gone, the more she realized how much she missed him. He wasn't just her master. No, a brother.
Although the Jedi never embraced the concept of a family, she wished all the more to know what it felt like to grow up in such an environment. That is, with a father and a mother. With siblings. She had been too young when the Jedi had taken her to remember her parents.
Not for the first time lately, she wondered what it would be like to return home. Would her parents recognize her? Receive her openly? Were they even still alive? Somehow that thought unsettled her even more, making her curl herself up tightly on her side.
That is, until the beeping sound ripped her out of her spiral of thoughts. She had almost forgotten that she had the commlink. With lightning speed, she jumped from the bed and scrambled to get the device into her hand. For a second, she thought about answering the call herself but then she just snatched it up from its place and hurriedly left her room to search Master Obi-Wan.
Rather unjedi-like, she stumbled out into the living room, where she met Padme sitting at the dining table with Leia. The senator threw her a small smile, which Ahsoka returned as she approached the two.
"Have you seen Master Kenobi?" she asked, waving the flashing commlink in her hand.
"Ehh, I think they're both still outside but I think you should..."
Ahsoka didn't hear the rest, instead she was already halfway through the back door.
"Master, here's..." she began before acknowledging the scene before her eyes. Satine and Obi-Wan were standing directly in front of each other, hands intertwined, and it was more than clear that they had been kissing just moments before Ahsoka had interrupted them. A range of emotions crossed the face of her grandmaster. For the most part, he seemed a little taken off guard by her sudden appearance, but at the same time there was that honest smile on his lips that Ahsoka hadn't seen in so long. And somehow that was exactly what made her falter. With everything that had happened, she had not seen Master Kenobi smile again. Neither of them had been happy in a long time. "... There's a call from Coruscant."
"What timing," Obi-Wan huffed, letting the commlink float over to him from Ahsoka's hand with a flick of his wrist. Still smirking, Satine retreated.
"We'd best leave you to it then," she said, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, whereupon he just raised an eyebrow with a mischievous grin.
Then Satine stepped over to her and put her hand between her shoulder blades, pushing her back toward the house. "Come on, let's go inside."
Perplexed, Ahsoka simply followed her. "What did I just see...?" she muttered, watching the Duchess from the side with large eyes.
Of course, she had seen Anakin and Padme kiss each other more often than not, but still, her grandmaster was a whole new dimension. The man had always been well reversed, but perhaps he had just been more careful about showing his relationships than her own master.
Both women stepped back into the kitchen where Padme was still sitting, barely containing her laugh.
"I warned you," the woman grinned, looking at her, before turning to Satine, "Am I right? Did he do it?"
Satine nodded delighted. "He did. It took some convincing from my part but yes… Obi-Wan proposed to me. We're getting married."
It felt like an eternity since she first heard about her grandmaster's plans. And somehow the whole thing had seemed so surreal to her. Which it still did. Nevertheless, Ahsoka was glad to hear it.
"Congratulations," she said, visibly elated, "Somewhere I thought he'd never ask."
Satine laughed and gave her a quick hug. "I'm not surprised you knew about it. But I thought he would never dare too. I can't blame him though; he's had a lot on his mind lately."
The padawan snorted but then turned serious again. "I think that's an understatement. He didn't have the ring for you, didn't he?"
Her eyebrows furrowing in confusion, Satine looked at her. "How did you know that? I wasn't aware he already had one."
Ahsoka shifted nervously from one foot onto the other. She actually wasn't supposed to know that. Master Kenobi had never shown her or Anakin the ring. The curiosity just had gotten the better of her.
"Well… he did. But please don't tell him I know about that," her gaze flicked between the two, "To be honest, I found out by accident... After he was in a coma, Anakin and I cleaned up his apartment a bit - and that's when I found the little box. I was curious and looked inside."
She swallowed. "The ring was beautiful. I'm sure you would have loved it."
Satine's expression softened. "It was lost when the temple burnt down, wasn't it?"
"Yes." Another reminder that they had nothing but the clothing on their backs left.
Apparently noticing her tinge of sadness, a hand landed softly on her shoulder. Satine had crouched down in front of her. "Hey, it's alright. We'll get through this."
She wasn't really convinced by that. The odds were against them. And it didn't seem like they would get backup anytime soon. "I hope so," she mumbled quietly.
"How about we prepare some food? I think all of us need a decent meal for once," Padme suggested from her place on the table.
"That's a great idea," said Satine, "You want to help? Maybe that helps clearing your mind a bit."
"Sure." Ahsoka didn't know what to do otherwise. She definitely needed the distraction. Quietly, she sat down on the table and busied herself with chopping the vegetables Padme handed her.
After a while, they decided to share some stories with each other and Ahsoka began to relax, even laughing every now and then. The mood was light and it was a welcoming break from the things that had been happening.
An hour later, the stew they had prepared stood cooking on the stove.
"Dinner will be ready soon," said Satine, stirring a spoon in the pot, "Does anyone go tell Obi-Wan?"
"I'll go," Ahsoka quickly answered. Maybe that was her chance to accept the offer to talk that he had made to her before.
She slipped out the back door again, expecting to find the man here on the porch steps. But here he was not. Her eyes needed a moment to adjust to the darkness. Only the moon was shallowly illuminating the forest floor, but it was enough for her to make out the footprints in the muddy ground.
'Where had he gone now?' she thought to herself as she began to follow the tracks.
Obi-Wan must have gone quite a distance. The tracks kept getting lost in the undergrowth and Ahsoka began to worry that she would never find him. Until her Montrals picked up a faint sound in the distance. It sounded like the splash of water. Following the new clue, the Padawan climbed over a few fallen tree trunks until she came upon a clearing with a small lake. To her relief, Master Kenobi was here. The Jedi sat on the shore, skipping stones across the water's surface, unaware of her presence.
"Nice place you found here," she said as she approached him from behind, a slight smile on her lips. Her Grandmaster's head snapped around and he quickly wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. Ahsoka stopped her approach as she looked up into his face. The smile from earlier was gone. And obviously he had been crying. She couldn't remember ever seeing Master Kenobi cry. Worried, she tilted her head and approached him slowly. "Everything okay?"
'Stupid question,' she chided herself, shortly after the words had left her mouth.
He turned his head away again and stared onto the lake. "No, nothing's alright," his voice sounded hoarse.
Still, unsure of what to do, Ahsoka stood frozen at her spot. "What happened?", she asked cautiously.
Obi-Wan shifted on his spot on the ground and his face twisted into a sad grimace. "You can sit down... Only if you want to, of course."
Hesitating for a moment, she wondered if she was prepared for what he was going to tell her. Tentatively, Ahsoka sat down next to him, her eyes never leaving his face.
"I take it your contact didn't have good news from Coruscant?"
"In fact, it was not Quinlan I spoke with... but Master Windu. He told me that they were stuck underground below the Temple, along with some younglings."
His expression grew even dimmer as he spoke. "When they escaped the temple… they saw Anakin."
Obi-Wan pressed his eyes closed and shook his head. "He was… not himself. Palpatine is in his head. I fear what happens if we are not able to get him back."
He didn't need to elaborate on what Anakin had probably done. Ahsoka could imagine it. A cold shiver ran down her spine and a sinking feeling spread through her stomach.
"That's not all, is it?"
"No." His answer was quiet and curt, so Ahsoka forced herself to look him in the eye again. They reflected grief and pain.
"…Plo is dead," he whispered, his voice breaking, "I'm so sorry, Ahsoka."
No. Not him. Master Koon had always been there for her. The gentle Kel'Dor had brought her to the temple back then and had been a person she could confide in uninhibitedly. When she didn't want to talk to Anakin or Obi-Wan about her problems. Or just couldn't. He could not simply be dead. Somehow, she had always thought of him as a kind of father. A family she was never meant to have.
A sob escaped her throat, and Ahsoka could no longer contain herself. Tears ran down her cheeks, leaving wet trails on her shirt. Through bleary eyes she stared at the water surface in front of her. She felt lost. She didn't know where she belonged.
"You're not alone. I hope you know that." Obi-Wan's voice broke through the silence and as Ahsoka turned to look at him again, she noticed that his eyes were as equally wet as hers.
Sniffing, Ahsoka tried to gather her wits again. She failed miserably. Instead of answering, she nodded meekly.
Her grandmaster still seemed unsure about what to do until he suddenly lifted his arm.
"Come here," he said softly and it took Ahsoka a moment to realize that he was offering a hug.
She could not remember him ever doing this before.
After Ahsoka got past her initial shock, she shuffled closer to him and let her head drop against his shoulder while his arm looped around her. A comfortable warmth settled around her.
"Thanks," she mumbled quietly while she let her gaze wander to the starless sky. The endless darkness somehow was intimidating and fascinating at the same time.
They sat in silence for a while, each of them lost in their own thoughts.
"For me, Master Koon was like the father I never had", she blurted out after some time, "I can't believe he's supposed to be gone forever."
"I know." The hand on her arm gave her a gentle squeeze. "We imagine that he is one with the Force now, but that doesn't make letting go any easier… After Qui-Gon died many people told me that it will get better with the time – but that's a lie. You only learn to move on somehow."
"Were you two close? You and Master Koon?"
He huffed melancholically. "Yes, we were good friends… And he was one of the few people who trusted me to train Anakin. I think if it wasn't for him, they would have taken him away from me and assigned him to another master."
"I can't envision him having someone else by his side to guide him…", she trailed off, thinking about the things they had experienced together. It was insane that she had actually only known them for only a few years; and yet it felt like they had always been a part of her life.
"There's still something on your mind", Obi-Wan simply stated, after she had become silent for several moments.
Sighing, she let herself slump a little.
"Do you ever think about going home?", she asked quietly, "To your birth family, I mean."
Ahsoka twisted her head on his shoulder, watching his silhouette in the moonlight. His greying strands of hair on his temples were shimmering, letting him look even older than he actually was.
He didn't meet her gaze but kept staring ahead into the nothingness. "When I was your age, I thought about that a lot," he sighed, "I understand the urge to just leave everything behind. No one will force you to stay, Ahsoka."
She bit her lips and kneaded her fingers. "I don't know what I want. Since all this happened… I feel lost, master. Out of place... I mean", she paused for a moment, searching for words, "if Anakin returns, he certainly will spend time with his own children. I just can't see where there is a place for a padawan of an order that no longer exists."
His face showed a little sorrow and disappointment, but it wasn't directed at her but himself. "Do you really think we would just drop you? Even if," he faltered, as if the following was difficult for him, "Even if there will never again be a Jedi Order as it had existed before. The Force will always be there. And if it is your wish, we will finish your training... Anakin will always stand by you. As will I. There's a place for you with us, you just have to decide what you want - and no one can take that away from you."
Ahsoka mulled over his words. "When all this is over… will you return to your duty as a jedi?"
This time he turned to face her. "I don't know to be honest. But I think I'll stay with Satine. I let her wait long enough."
"I still think Padme and Satine must have nerves of steel to keep up with you two," she voiced her first thought.
He laughed dryly in response, but a small smile appeared on his lips. "Ouch."
Ahsoka just shrugged and threw him a smile herself. At the beginning of her training, she would never have dared to say such a thing. Back then, she had always seen Master Kenobi as a strict and authoritarian person, someone not to be trifled with. Looking back, she did not know how she had gained this impression. Over the years, she had learned that underneath the shell of the Jedi Master and General, there was also just a person trying to do his best.
"I actually came to tell you that dinner is ready," she smirked.
"Well, let's get back then. There's also something you all should know." Her Grandmaster withdrew his arm and stretched briefly before heaving himself to his feet.
Before they turned to leave Ahsoka stopped him. "Master?", she asked a little unsure, lagging a few steps behind him.
Obi-Wan turned around again, a worried expression drawn on his face. "What is it?"
"Well, I thought…," she dug the toe of her shoe into the dirt, "Can we do something for Master Koon? To say goodbye, I mean."
"Sure," his expression softened, "Do you have anything special in mind yet?"
"No, but I'll think of something."
Obi-Wan nodded, then beckoned her to join him. "Come on, let's not keep them waiting any longer."
Ahsoka caught up to him and together they made their way back to the cabin.
At dinner, Obi-Wan shared the rest of the information with them. The fact that Rex's chip was broken had caught Ahsoka particularly off guard. Inside her, the hope spread that she would see the captain again.
She watched as the Jedi Master stirred his stew, deep in thought. "Mace told me that a certain part of the chip had been destroyed..." he looked up and let his gaze roam the group, "And that it might be possible to free the other clones if we can destroy the chips specifically from the outside."
Padme seemed to ponder his words. "And how are we going to do that?"
Obi-Wan shrugged. "That's exactly the point. I have no idea. I only know one person who would be able to construct something like that."
Ahsoka exchanged glances with Padme and Satine, all knowing exactly who he meant. "Anakin."
"Yes," his voice grew silent and a strange expression crossed his face, as if a bad memory resurfaced, "It's only a matter of time before Anakin finds the children. And then he will be coming for all of us. With Palpatine in his head we can't count on him remembering any of us like he did before. From experience… I know that he won't hesitate to kill me."
"You're saying that we need to prepare ourselves to fight him."
"Indeed," Obi-Wan closed his eyes, "And if we fail to get him back, than I fear all of this will be lost for good."
We're heading towards the end of this story, I don't know how many chapters are left but I'm planning on finishing up soon. By the way, to those who might be wondering about my other story 'Blinded': Yes, I will continue that!
Anyway, enjoy reading and see you on the next chapter!