A Change of Heart

They were one person.

It wasn't something he had said only to soothe her, trying to lessen the pain that she felt. He truly took it to be the case. All that they had suffered, for the most part, they had done so together, and this would be no different. It would take time for the grief to fade, and perhaps it never would completely. But he would be by her side through everything, to wipe away her tears and cry with her.

He felt the pain too. More so for Anna than for any dream of his own that had been dashed. He had never considered children being a part of his life until she had entered it. He had cherished the dream, it was true, and more dearly in the recent years that had passed. He knew in his heart that she would make the most wonderful mother. There would be nobody else that could come close. All the love that she held, the kindness and courage that she would pass on to their children, being that it was in the very fabric of her.

He would always put her first, his entire world.

He told her that he loved her and that nothing was her fault. It happened that way for some people. Nobody was to blame. In time he hoped that she would come to believe that. She was all that he needed, and her happiness was his greatest joy. It was going to take time, but he had more than enough of that. He had his arms to hold her and his shoulder for her to rest her head upon. He made her extra cups of tea and sought out the bigger slices of cake that Mrs Patmore laid on every now and then, especially when it was one of her favourites on the table. He kept his eyes on the listings of houses and inns, though he wouldn't go into the detail, not unless he imagined that it was perfect and they risked missing out if he said nothing.

None of this could replace what they had lost, of course it couldn't. The days would become brighter, he was sure of it.

It would take time, understanding and love. He might not have been a rich man but he was blessed with those things.

As well as being blessed with the most incredible person for his wife.

In his book, that made him the richest man alive.

The change since she had come back from London was really quite incredible. He didn't know what to put it down to, but he decided not to brood about it, seeing as it never did him much good. Whatever it was, it had brought back a real smile to her face, and he basked in the joy of it, the brightness that she exuded.

Nothing made him happier than seeing her look so light and carefree. He almost wanted to thank Lady Mary for deciding to take a trip on such a whim.

The show went well, and it was nice to have a morning out of the house and to be able to enjoy it together. It made him think again about what they might be able to do with a little business of their own, having their time to themselves. Anna had a smile for everyone, talking cheerfully, and he couldn't help but admire her, feeling warmth and pride swell up within him. He did need to take a leaf out of her book when it came to being social.

The rest of the day went quickly, the crisis of Miss Marigold thankfully resolved. It had a sobering effect on the household, and he worried that it might have impacted on Anna as an unwanted reminder of all that they still had to come to terms with. As it was she remained upbeat and tactile, seeking out his hand or touching his arm. She even ventured to brush her fingers against his thigh as they sat at the table after dinner, which made him wonder what she was up to. She only looked back at him with a half-bitten smile, but there was little mistaking the glimmer in her eyes.

"Whatever was in the water in London, I would rather like some of it," he remarked once he had lit the lamps.

"Silly beggar," she chuckled, standing close behind him, so close that he was a little startled when he turned round. "You'll have to ask his Lordship if he's got anything in mind."

"I doubt any trips further than York."

"Well, I won't complain about that." Her hand was just below his shoulder, trailing its way down his arm with keen, dancing fingertips. She didn't stifle her smile, not like when they were sitting in the servants' hall.

"I thought we might invite Mr Molesley and Miss Baxter to tea soon, to say a thank you of sorts. If Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes can spare them." He frowned when she replied with nothing more than an absent-minded 'hmm'. "Don't you think they will appreciate it?"

"Oh, I'm sure they would." She had edged almost right up to him, her fingertips making circles around the cotton that covered his elbow, and she looked coquettish as she gazed up at him. "But I was rather hoping that I'd have you all to myself for at least the next few weeks."

Her other hand had snaked up without him noticing, and had deftly undone the top two buttons of his shirt.

"Surely you wouldn't deny your wife of that unreserved pleasure, Mr Bates?"

He grinned at her tone and the way she stared at him, fire in such beautiful blue eyes. He put his own hand at the small of her back, pulling her closer to him and delighting as a giggle escaped her.

"I have no intention of that, Mrs Bates."