Fate that's Never within Reach
Zero Days since the Last Death (Ten Deaths)
Crimson wind blew over the desolate streets of Lugunica's commercial district, invading violently those desecrated homes ravaged by the terrible forces of the witch's worshippers, whose rooftops were dyed red by the evening sun. A bloody tinge had rained down on the capital in the form of the tears of the innocent, accentuating the deathly hue of the despicable work of the brutal cultists.
Just as the sun was slowly receding towards the horizon, thus attempting to escape from the stark scene of massacre that had taken place under its warm rays of life, a group of young people were fleeing swiftly from the markets of human flesh, in the opposite direction to the flow of the rivers of blood. Desperate strides and gasping breaths were the only sources of sound in the area, which was gradually recovering from the perpetual silence imposed by the Witch Cult.
Just as Subaru had instructed, he and his group were avoiding approaching the high-class area following the signs of massacre. Hurried footsteps over the pools of blood, clothes splattered with all kinds of bodily fluids, cold sweat on their necks. The group advanced cautiously through what had once been the proof of the flourishing of their efforts, and was now nothing more than enemy terrain.
Those markets where months ago the first products produced by the Hoshin Trading Company's section of the Reinvention Project had made their appearance, had now morphed into bloody graveyards where corpses were displayed for the enjoyment of lunatics and perverts. The battlefield that witnessed the battles between desperate customers to acquire the innovative products of the Hoshin Company, had witnessed the massacre of those who in life were its users.
Subaru was well aware that thinking about it would not prove productive in the least, however, getting his mind off those thoughts was proving to be a most arduous task. Memories of the woman with the purse and the wretched man clashing over the jar of mayonnaise were constantly flowing into his mind, as were fleeting recollections of his frantic visit to one of the markets that lay between the border of the nobles' district and the commercial district.
"It's in a market like this that it all started..." Muttered Subaru, looking at one of the wrecked fruit stalls lining the sidewalk.
The first instance he had returned to life after suffering his incipient, agonizing death, the death of broken promise, he had done so in front of a stall like that very one, which was now marred by sharp, blunt weapon impacts. A rough-faced man had greeted him each time he had failed, and his life had been extinguished. The appa-man who always stood behind his street stall, and who had once helped him set out on the path he now found himself desperately traversing.
It had been in such a market that his journey along that thorny path had begun. In a market like that... It was then that Subaru's train of thought stopped dead in its tracks. Both he and his companions were in a hurry to get out of the death zone that had spread throughout the eastern area of the shopping district, so they did not have the time to take a close look at the harrowing scenery around them.
Upon stepping into that market, with the sole purpose in mind of fulfilling the naïve wishes of his fellow craftsman and friend, Subaru found himself entrapped in his own mind, drowning in a dense swamp of fears and uncertainty. The two occasions when they used that market as a way to reach their first destination, the collapsed house of Leith's family, where they encountered the gruesome hellish scene that had tainted their minds and hearts, Subaru had overlooked the identity of that market as well as its location.
Without giving too much thought as to which way to go, since Leith had acted as their guide to his family's home, Subaru had pathetically ignored the environment around him. After all, he depended heavily on doing so to keep himself from becoming completely demoralized. The butchered corpses that served as repulsive decorations lined every corner of the marketplace, so it had been vital for Subaru not to pay attention to them.
Because of this, until now that he finally decided to analyze his surroundings more closely, he had realized that this market was indeed the same one in which his turbulent journey of death, return and reinvention had begun. With a lump forming in his stomach, Subaru gazed dejectedly at the debris strewn all over the sidewalk, among which hundreds of severed parts of unrecognizable bodies could be easily distinguished.
Was Kadomon amidst the rubble and countless corpses? He hated to admit it, but the most likely answer was that he was. And, to make that discouraging answer worse, to garnish it with even more despair, he could not redo anything that had transpired there with his pathetic curse disguised as a blessing. Once again, he was extremely limited by factors outside his control.
His ability was not his own, no matter how much he deluded himself into believing otherwise. Return by Death was a borrowed ability, that at any moment the one who cursed him with it could make the merciful decision to revoke it from him. Without it, Subaru would finally succeed in becoming the very epitome of incompetence. Subaru needed the Return by Death, it was the only valuable card he possessed in his deck.
At any moment, Return by Death could be rescinded, taken away from him and he would be left at the mercy of the terrible forces of fate that tormented him. Subaru had little to no information about his borrowed ability. Who had bestowed it upon him? For what purpose? Does it have a limit of uses? Does it have an expiration date? Questions like these had plagued him for the first few months after the breaking of his first promise in that world.
Nevertheless, his torturous death at the hands of Elsa in Priestella had completely changed his mindset when it came to thinking about Return by Death; after all, it was at that time that he began to sporadically fantasize about dying and never returning again. It would not even be a scandalous lie to claim that the real reason he feared death was because of the impending and traumatic return.
Still, completely lacking control over returning by death was one of the greatest disadvantages of his ability, second only to the traumatizing process of experiencing his death over and over again. Because of this, he was unable to decide on when, i.e. how long before his death, and where he would return; one of the sources of much of those nightmares that constantly plagued him whenever he dared to close his eyes.
Still, completely lacking control over death return was one of the biggest downsides to his ability, second only to the traumatizing process of experiencing his death over and over again. Because of this, he was unable to decide when and where he would return; one of the sources of much of those nightmares that constantly haunted him every time he dared to close his eyes.
The uncertain present of Kadomon, the gentle appa-man with the tough exterior, but warm core, and the tragic massacre of Leith's family, were two fates that had moved too far out of Subaru's grasp. An irrevocable event; an invariable fact; every fate that moves out of Subaru's reach will never be in his control again.
Due to the uncertain nature of his save-points, he could never be sure of recovering all that was lost in a tragedy. That was the hard truth that constantly afflicted Subaru. And the main reason why he was so eager to get to the castle. He needed to take Anastasia Hoshin's fate in his hand and protect it with his frail fist from the catastrophic veil of death that was vertiginously hovering over the Royal Capital...
Plop... Suddenly, Subaru heard a loud splash, provoked by his foot stepping in a deep pool of blood, and then silence reigned again. Stopping to inspect what had happened, Subaru scanned his surroundings with his gaze, looking for any anomalous signs. Ironically, the only anomaly he could detect was the lack of blood and corpse chunks, starting from the limit of that road. He had finally reached the end of the wave of death that was ravaging the commercial district.
His gaze met Otto's, who, as heretofore, was carrying Leith on his back. Both looked at each other in silence for several seconds, until they synchronously released a heavy sigh. Sweat and blood drenched them, and there was no sign that a smile could bloom on their faces; any seed of happiness that might have been sown before the Witch Cult's siege had withered away. However, an instinctive breath of relief washed over their bodies, as they had finally achieved one of their goals.
"We made it..." Otto declared, looking at the untouched houses stretching out before his eyes.
Upon leaving the old workshop, they had avoided encountering the Witch Cult by moving in a southerly and then easterly direction. And now that they had returned to a safe area of the city, it was completely clear to them that the area where Leith's house was located had already been devoured by the black maw of the cult.
Otto, just like Utada and Subaru, was evidently aware of what this implied. "We can't sit back and rest, at any moment they'd show up." Subaru reminded them. If the area located closer to the center of the capital had already been affected by the Witch Cult's siege, it was only a matter of time before the west of the city would be as well.
Otto nodded, staring dejectedly at one of the houses at the end of the crossroad. Subaru followed his gaze, only to come upon the pale faces of a boy and his mother. Both were behind a glass window, and were timidly monitoring the movement of the group of young strangers; they were clearly wary of Subaru, Otto, Leith and Utada.
Subaru wished he could have done something for these people, who by staying in their homes were doing nothing more than betting their lives against death itself, and with a minimal percentage of victory in their favor. But they had neither the time nor the ability to do anything to help them. Just as he had once abandoned Emilia, Felt and Old Man Rom, so many people in Priestella and Kyo, he would once again have to assume that his role was not that of a hero, and he could do no more than protect the few people he could reach with his feeble arms.
"Subaru-sama…?" Utada, who had been waiting for his next instruction, called out to him.
"We can't do a damn thing for them, so let's just keep going." Otto visibly did not take kindly to Subaru's remark, however, he refrained from voicing an opinion against it.
After all, as the merchant that he was, he understood that Subaru was simply prioritizing above all else that which was of greatest value to him and those who accompanied him. If they wished to preserve their lives, they had to forsake the helpless souls, who they were incapable of helping in a catastrophic context such as the one they were currently facing. That was how powerless they were.
Above all, they had to avoid attracting attention to themselves, that was something Subaru was well mindful of. When they had followed the trails of carnage, it had not taken them long to be located even though they had made an utmost effort to emit the least amount of noise. Their footsteps over the pools of blood and their agitated breaths had proven to be enough to attract the dangerous enemy that quickly exterminated them with overwhelming force; force that, in scale, placed Utada almost on the same level as Subaru, Otto and Leith.
Subaru had then prioritized to get as far away as possible from the besieged areas, in order to approach the castle from the west instead. Time would be sacrificed in order to carry out that strategy, but if he could avoid falling into the hands of the Witch Cult before reaching his destination at the top of the Royal Captial, then there was no other choice.
However, sacrificing time was extremely painful for Subaru, who longed to reach the Royal Castle as soon as possible; there he would find his muse, the woman who had become his most valuable ally in this world, his adored boss... Otto's words were still reverberating in his head. "We've noticed," he had said. Did he only refer to the admiration he felt towards Anastasia Hoshin?
Subaru was not entirely sure what his feelings for Anastasia Hoshin were, nor could he claim that the relationship between her and her knight was strictly professional. Julius had claimed that he harbored no romantic feelings for Anastasia, however, it would not be the first time he discovered the knight hiding his true emotions under that stubborn façade of the perfect knight.
Subaru had shared a deathbed with two women, both of whom had greatly influenced his life. Emilia, with whom he had only interacted on a few occasions, on the day of his arrival in this world and during the girl's stay at Anastasia's mansion, had significantly altered his destiny. Subaru was aware that breaking that promise affected him emotionally to a great extent. To renege on that cruel and naive promise had resulted in an enormous burden on his weak heart and his broken mind.
I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself , I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself I hate, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.
Those words had reverberated in his head from the moment he found it necessary to acknowledge his gigantic weakness. A weakness of mind, heart and spirit, which he had recently begun to completely accept. The day he was unable to end his own life in order to save that of Crusch Karsten and her entourage, was the day Subaru could truly accept, understand and internalize, frankly, just how overwhelming his weakness was. So as to finally start looking for ways to do something about it, without using pathetic excuses, such as his fears or traumas, to evade his responsibility.
So, he had asked Julius to allow him to accompany him during his furtive training, and unconsciously he had taken a step that for almost a year he had been unable to take. Perhaps, had it been someone more talented and resourceful, that would have been the beginning of his new life. But this was him, Natsuki Subaru, a wretched young man who lacked all kinds of resources; he had taken that step in vain, his weakness had remained almost exactly the same…
His inability to keep the promise he had made to Emilia during his first agonizing death had uncovered all the self-hatred and disgust he felt towards himself, it had made him fully aware of how much he despised himself from the bottom of his heart. Eventually he would have done it, it was only a matter of time before it happened, handing everything over to Reinhard Van Astrea and running away had only hastened the process.
Emilia had been the small rock that fell into the lake that was his life, generating ripples that gradually turned into huge waves that swept away the faux calm of his spirit. A single idea had kept him afloat, an illusory source of hope for a loser like himself; his knowledge that could be considered futuristic in that fantasy world in which in the blink of an eye he had come to appear.
Nobody here will just know me as my father's son, Subaru had thought. However, the path he had thought would lead him to glory would not be an easy one to travel. Should he have settled for modest local success? Was it even wrong to yearn for success? Anastasia Hoshin, the second woman with whom he had shared a deathbed, came into Subaru's life when he was beginning to feel he was losing his way again; that was why he had so readily accepted her business proposal, because in her, he saw a person with the qualities he lacked and someone who might lead him to his very own, longed-for happy ending.
In many ways, he had been flatly wrong; and yet, he really could not bring himself to say that he regretted meeting this woman. Anastasia Hoshin, what were his true feelings for her? Did he love her? He could not yet say for sure, nevertheless, the very thought of having to walk the rest of the thorny path he had decided to follow, without her presence, was extremely daunting and disheartening.
He was pathetic, after all. A man like him, groveling in filth, longing to be by the side of the woman he admired. For her, for her, for her, for her, for her, for her, for her... A brave man would do it for justice, his family or the helpless; a haughty, proud man would do it for himself; but he was neither. A "NEET" otaku, that's what he was. What else could you expect from someone like him? A little self-serving kindness on the part of the greedy lady had been enough for him to end up trapped in her orbit.
Anastasia cared for her belongings, Anastasia cherished that which brought her profit. Subaru could consider himself both. And nevertheless, Anastasia had made him feel truly appreciated for the first time in his life. No one in his entire life had ever shown so much interest in his pathetic, worthless existence, only Anastasia and those around her had come to truly appreciate him.
Subaru genuinely did not care if there were ulterior motives behind the affection he had received; the warmth he had been given had been enough to motivate him to keep fighting. Anastasia Hoshin had granted him something he had wanted from the moment he realized how far out of his reach it was to continue imitating his father, and he was not willing to give it up. Anastasia Hoshin had granted him her recognition without knowing about the existence of Natsuki Kenichi; Natsuki Subaru, he, was recognized by Anastasia Hoshin.
He could sort out what his feelings for her were after he had surpassed that ordeal of death. Because at that moment it did not really matter whether he loved her or not, only that without her he would no longer be able to deal with the cruel games of fate. Without Anastasia Hoshin, he would finally be left without a reason to keep fighting; he would finally lose all his worth, as well as his stolen ideas and the Reinvention Project. For her, for Anastasia, the woman who found worth in him, he would endure as many deaths as needed. For her, he would use his own life as if it were a betting chip; always avoiding losing it stupidly in order to honor the promise he had made her; to keep fighting until he gave his last breath...
"Natsuki..." Suddenly, a call interrupted Subaru's thoughts, who was mentally strengthening his resolve once again. Resolve that, like an old shirt, was completely patched and mended by every occasion in which his determination had been sapped by the traumatic events that gnawed at his spirit.
"Huh?" Subaru mumbled, turning to Otto and urging him to tell him what he had interrupted his internal monologue for, the purpose of which was to prevent a possible imminent death from bringing him back to his knees, once again.
"I think we've already gotten far enough away from the area ravaged by the Witch Cult, and we shouldn't be too far from the entrance of the upper-class district, so I'd like you to tell me about the vision you had." Otto who, prior to that day's events, possessed little information regarding Subaru's fake Divine Protection, nervously asked about what it had shown Subaru about the near future.
That he had asked him that question had not been strange to Subaru, who rather felt that his merchant friend had been slow to pose it. After all, though without going into detail, Subaru, just as he had done in the former workshop before his death at the hands of the bandaged cultist, used his false blessing to substantiate the making of one of his decisions.
On this occasion, he had used it to justify telling Leith to take a considerably longer way to his family's home than they would have originally intended to take. However, due to the circumstances, he had refrained from talking about the alleged vision. That Otto wanted to know in more detail about what lay ahead for them was completely understandable. As it was also understandable that Utada, who was walking several meters behind them, silently approached them.
Smiling wryly, Subaru cleared his throat; after all, he was about to take advantage of one of the byproducts of his lie. One of the reasons he had chosen to use such an artifice to conceal the Return by Death in the first place. To reveal information obtained before his death without incurring taboo breaking or losing what little credibility he had. His lie, ironically, facilitated the veracity of his words.
"If we had followed the trail of destruction, we'd have eventually ended up running into two alleged Sin Archbishops..." Subaru revealed, causing a shiver to run down Otto's back and Utada's brindle fur to stand on end. Subaru paused slightly to let his companions digest the information they just received and then continued. "After that, nothing we'd have done would have been of any use, our death certainly would've been assured."
Such a claim had succeeded in causing the blood to drain completely from Otto's face, which seemed to be debating between consciousness and unconsciousness. Utada, on the other hand, although having refrained from speaking, clearly wished to discuss what his superior had stated. An obnoxious wrathful grimace manifested itself on Utada's face, giving Subaru the uncomfortable feeling that he would abruptly attack him.
However, after a moment, the usual gesture of disinterest returned to his face; Utada, knowing the fake nature of Subaru's false blessing, was unable to refute any of his statements about the future to come. Anastasia Hoshin trusted Subaru Natsuki, therefore, Utada, despite maintaining strong suspicions towards him, felt obliged to respect her word as long as Subaru did not commit an act worthy of a fitting death sentence.
Moreover, Utada was not the "musclebrain" warrior that some members of the Fang of Iron and Anastasia Hoshin's faction considered him to be. While he was not an outstandingly resourceful fighter, he was above average. The powerful demi-human with tiger-like features stood out among his fellow mercenaries for his impressive discipline, which made him c capable of masterfully executing both joint working as well as teamwork.
For exactly the same reason, Utada quickly discarded his emotions and internally accepted that he could never stand up to and defeat a Sin Archbishop, entities that only warriors of the highest class could face on equal terms. If Subaru Natsuki was not employing a ruse, and his vision of the future was truthful, then his course of action had been the correct one; to avoid confronting the Sin Archbishops of the Witch Cult was vital to arrive alive at the Royal Castle.
However, despite arriving at that conclusion, Utada observed Subaru with suspicion. The unpleasant odor given off by his body could easily be mistaken for that of the Sin Archbishops themselves. The mercenary wanted to believe in what his keen eyes had seen over the months, he wanted to believe in this boy who strove daily to fulfill his duties quietly, while using his free time to train his body.
Subaru Natsuki had never conducted himself in a particularly suspicious manner, however, Utada could not disregard that a ploy normally used by cultists was to hide in society itself, playing roles as healers, merchants or artisans, waiting passively for the moment when one of their leaders would order them to slit the throat of the very society into which they were integrated. Utada could not afford to trust Subaru Natsuki completely.
"Alleged Sin Archbishops?" The first to question Subaru regarding what he had said concerning his false vision was a nervous Otto, overtaking Utada, who was deep in thought as he stared intently at Subaru.
"Yeah... You'd know better than me that the identity of most of them is unknown, except for Greed, so I couldn't determine with complete certainty whether they were archbishops or not. But those two definitely stood out from the rest of the witch cultists." Subaru said, his gaze fixed on the castle that towered over the rooftops of the houses around them.
"W-were they the ones who… murdered… us… in your vision?" Otto asked him, having serious trouble speaking due to the unfathomable terror that had taken over his body, causing his bones to shake violently.
"They're. So if we run into one of them... run for it. Run with all your strength, without looking back."
"There's nothing wrong with running away when you're completely overmatched, so I agree with you..." Otto muttered, slightly regaining his courage. "Still, if it meant abandoning you, then I'd rather not."
Subaru suddenly stopped his swift strides, his gaze still fixed on the silhouette of the castle towering above his longing eyes. Otto, noticing this, stopped beside him, and Utada likewise did so, however, he remained a meter away from the trio; although Leith was completely absent as far as his mind was concerned. Otto and Utada waited in silence for Subaru to speak, with tension pulsing in every muscle of their bodies.
"I'm really glad to call you my friend, Otto. I truly hope we both manage to survive this cursed game of fate…" And letting those words hanging in the air, Subaru resumed his run towards the castle.
On Otto's face, expressionless for a few moments due to the surprise, a faint smile laden with nostalgia and melancholy was drawn. Letting out a small laugh that sounded "Heh", Otto also resumed the dangerous journey through the desolate streets of the capital, following closely behind Subaru and Utada, who unlike him, had not been moved by Subaru's words and therefore had not wasted valuable seconds in reacting to them.
The blowing of the wind carried the frightened whispers of the survivors of the great massacre of the capital, who like cornered prey awaited hidden in the darkest corners of their own homes. The extent of the rivers of blood was greater with each passing second, and it was only a matter of time before the canvas that was the Royal Captial would finally glow crimson in all its splendor.
With a sigh of relief escaping through his throat, Otto watched over his shoulder as the first of the mansions in the nobles' district receded away from him.; a brick wall with a wide arc-shaped entrance, and a tollbooth at its base, served as a boundary. They had finally entered the last stretch of their journey before reaching their destination, they had finally begun to leave the first mansions behind them.
Otto, whose gaze was trained to the south as he moved northward, could not help but shift his eyes to Leith's pale face. His craftsman friend was still completely detached from the world. The only evidence that argued for Leith's life was his steady breathing, which made Otto's shoulder a patch of warm moisture, as opposed to the rest of his icy, shivering body.
Glancing sideways at Leith, Otto made sure not to let the path of fine rocks he found himself walking along completely out of his field of vision. It was when his ear was enveloped by one of the ignorantly calm sighs of Leith, who had chosen to shut himself away in his own mind, that Otto finally realized that the terrifying absolute silence that had enveloped part of the commercial area had returned; no, that silence was much more terrifying, as it was even capable of absorbing any sound that was uttered in the area.
"Nat-" Otto had been about to warn Subaru in regard to it, when another sound beat him to it; one that had overcome the absolute silence with the force of a supernatural entity.
"ARRRRRRGGHHHH!" It was a shriek, a shriek uttered from the very depths of hell. A scream of utter horror, anguish, despair and suffering, which had been able to curdle the blood of everyone present, successfully managing to stop their desperate escape towards the castle.
"Kahahahaha! Yes, yes! That's what you creatures of putrid flesh should sound like, learn from his example, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha." However, what preceded such a bellow of agony and suffering was a voice devoid of all kindness, which cruelly mocked the one who had uttered such an expression of pain. "Pitifully, it seems that this insect's vigor was only enough for that spectacular bellowing worthy of its bestial nature, so I'll no longer be able to amuse myself with him... Therefore, which of you, meat creatures, will volunteer to be this lovely lady's pet?" Meters away from them, hidden by some bushes, was a square, and in the center of it, smiled sadistically the incarnation of perversion.