Notes:
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, or any of the characters from the manga and/or anime. Everyone else is mine :)
Hello everyone! I hope that wherever you are, you are safe and well.
Here is an extra-long chapter for you to enjoy!
A gentle knock at the door roused Kagome from her sleep. She was sweating, her breasts were heaving, and she was taking huge gulps of air, on the brink of hyperventilating. That had been one of the most vivid dreams she'd had thus far. Her mind was reeling. Had Kikyo wanted the baby? Had she given it up to protect it from Onigumo? Kagome couldn't quite tell.
Another knock sounded at the door. She pushed Kikyo and Onigumo out of her mind for a moment, trying to focus on this current moment in time, in her life. She looked down at the pup in her arms, still sleeping, and struggled to get to her feet. The pup couldn't weigh more than eight or nine pounds; why was every move with the pup so freaking hard?
Grunting, she pushed herself to her feet and shuffled out of the chair towards the door. She grabbed a hat from the basket in the genkan and expertly covered her daughter's head with one hand, gently so Morika didn't even stir. Kagome then opened the door slowly.
"Suzuki-sensei!" she exclaimed in a whisper.
"Higurashi-kun," she said, surprised at Kagome's disheveled appearance. "Are you all right?"
Kagome stepped aside to allow her coach into the genkan. Suzuki-sensei removed her shoes and slipped on some slippers she'd brought. "I'm fine," Kagome said, a little shortly. "Just a bad dream. I'm exhausted," she added quickly when her coach made a sympathetic sound.
Suzuki-sensei slipped an affectionate arm around Kagome. "Let's get you back to the couch," she said, concerned. "Can I get you anything?"
"A glass of water, please," Kagome said gratefully, sinking onto the couch and adjusting the baby in her arms.
Suzuki-sensei went to the kitchen; Kagome could hear her rumagining around in the cabinets, then opening and closing the refrigerator to get fresh water. She returned to the living room and gave Kagome the glass; Kagome took it gratefully and drank slowly, enjoying the feel of the cool water on her throat.
Once it was clear that Kagome was settled, Suzuki-sensei sat in the chair across of her former student. "How are you?" she asked. "Because I've got to be honest, you don't look great."
Kagome laughed hollowly. "Childbirth and nursing will do that to you."
"So do you regret it?" Suzuki-sensei asked, her eyes narrowing slightly.
Kagome looked down at her pup and smiled. "Not a chance," she said softly, running her finger down the bridge of Morika's nose. Suzuki-sensei smiled a little, in spite of herself.
"Where is your husband?" she asked next.
"Yash is at school, finishing the last of his exams," Kagome replied. "I'm taking all my exams online. My professors are flexible, but only to some extent. I've got to get everything done by Monday."
"That's so soon!" Suzuki-sensei exclaimed. "Will you need help?"
"No, Yash will be done with school, and he'll have some time off before he goes back to work for his brother," Kagome said. "We'll have a chance to be together and bond as a family. We haven't had much time to do that lately. Right after she was born, exams started, and Yash has been on campus almost everyday studying and taking exams. He didn't want to distract me or make me jealous."
"Jealous?" Kagome heard the surprise in Suzuki-sensei's voice.
"Sure," Kagome replied easily. "Jealous that he doesn't have a baby attached to him half the day, and he has the freedom and the ability to take his exams on campus. When he's here, he wants to be fully here and fully engaged, not worrying about fitting in the studying."
"But don't you feel like he's abandoning you for his schoolwork?" Suzuki-sensei pressed.
Kagome paused on that question. "Maybe a little," she said honestly. "But if he were here and studying, it would be driving me crazy, because it's so hard for me to study. And I actually get more done if he's out of the house during the day, and then comes home and takes over on dad duty for a few hours." She chuckled. "It makes me more focused, I guess?"
Suzuki-sensei was silent for a long time. Kagome rocked Morika gently in her arms; the pup loved to sleep all day and be up all night. They were going to have to work on that…what was it called? Circadian rhythm.
"You seemed disoriented when I arrived, Higurashi-kun," Suzuki-sensei finally said. "Is the lack of sleep getting to you? Is there something I can do to help?"
Kagome smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Suzuki-sensei; I had a bad dream while I was napping," she replied. "It threw me a little. But I promise to take you up on that offer if I ever need it."
They sat for a few more minutes, chatting about the kyudo club and making a plan for Kagome's training once the midwife gave her the all-clear. She couldn't wait to get a bow in her hands again.
The front door opened slowly; Kagome jumped and Suzuki-sensei made to rise.
"It's just me, Kagome-sama," said Hideaki, his hands raised in defense.
Suzuki-sensei sat back down and Kagome breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hideaki," said Kagome, surprised, "why are you here?"
"Inuyasha-sa…Inuyasha is running late," Hideaki said, remembering this time to curb his use of the honorific in the presence of their human friend. "He asked me to come by and check on you, but I see you are doing just fine."
"I should be going, anyway," said Suzuki-sensei, standing. "We have a meet tomorrow and I need to prepare."
Kagome made to stand too, but Suzuki-sensei waved her back down. "I'll check in with you soon, Higurashi-kun. Take care of that adorable baby. And I meant what I said; if you need someone to watch her while you shower or nap, I'm happy to help."
Kagome nodded her head. "Thank you, Suzuki-sensei," she said warmly. She really meant it.
"I'll see you soon," Suzuki-sensei said, heading to the door. She nodded at Hideaki and then left, closing the door gently behind her.
Hideaki took Suzuki-sensei's place in the chair. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
Kagome looked down at the pup. "She's doing great." Kagome laughed, but that turned into a sob. "Me, not so much."
Hideaki rose from the chair and joined her on the sofa, putting a comforting arm around her. She took several shuddering breaths, as though trying to not cry. When she had regained her sense of self, she looked at Hideaki. "How much do you know about my dreams?" she asked him.
"Only what the Lord of the West has told me, which honestly isn't much," he admitted. "Something about Kikyo?"
Kagome nodded. "She was…intimate…with Onigumo. She was pregnant." Hideaki's eyes grew wide, but he maintained his composure, although perhaps squeezing Kagome's shoulders a bit tighter. "There are some things I haven't told Inuyasha yet," she said. "I've struggled pretty consistently with what to tell him. The first time I told him about the dreams, I thought he was going to break down completely. If I hadn't been pregnant, I think he would have left me, even though we're mated." Her breath grew tight again; Hideaki rubbed her shoulders and sat beside her, quiet.
"I am sorry you are bearing this burden alone, Kagome-sama," he said finally. "But you know you have to tell him."
"I do," she said immediately. "I'm just afraid that he might…"
"Hurt you?" Hideaki supplied.
"Hurt himself," she responded. "Not me. Not Morika. Never us."
"I see." Hideaki rose and paced, his feet making no noise on the tatami floor. Kagome rocked Morika, willing her to stay asleep until the conversation was at least a little less tense.
"You have to tell him, Kagome-sama," Hideaki repeated after pacing for a few moments.
"I know," she said.
"If you would like someone to be with you…"
"I'll call Sesshomaru."
Hideaki's eyes grew wide.
Kagome smiled sadly. "He has been a huge help, surprisingly. He managed Inuyasha when I told him that Kikyo and Onigumo were intimate, remember? He can do it again. I appreciate your offer, though."
Hideaki grew thoughtful again. "What if I were to help you in another way?" Kagome looked at him curiously. "What if we worked on meditation again? Maybe that would help you find some peace so you could sleep at night? It might help with the visions? We did it in the hospital those few times, and the practice didn't seem to affect you negatively. I think it's time we start your training again regularly, even if it's just meditation for now."
Kagome thought for a moment, her hand gently caressing the sleeping pup in her arms. "I would need someone to watch Morika for me."
"I'll bring Sayua or Asuka or Oba-sama with me," Hideaki said immediately. "Or your mother. There are plenty of people who would be willing to watch her for an hour."
Kagome suddenly smiled. "It would be good to start practicing again," she mused. "Make me feel a little bit more like myself."
Hideaki sat back down beside her and looked her full in the face. He looked so much like his father that Kagome felt an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. "You are yourself, Kagome-sama," he said kindly. "Just…you have a new part to yourself that you must get used to. And you will. It'll just take time, that's all."
Kagome felt tears welling up in her eyes. She sniffed and did the best she could to keep from bursting into tears. She could sense Hideaki's aura growing panicked. "You didn't say anything wrong," she said, the tears falling despite her best efforts. "There are times when I…forget who I am." She looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you for helping me remember that I'm still me, not just a diaper-changing cow who never sleeps."
Hideaki put his arm around her shoulders again and squeezed her affectionately. "I don't think anyone would ever describe you that way, Kagome-sama," he replied. "So don't think of yourself like that." He paused. "I know I don't have pups, so I'm not exactly one to speak on the matter, but…from what I hear, it does get better."
Kagome choked back a sob as a laugh. "And when does that happen?"
Hideaki shrugged. "It took twenty years for things to get better with Asuka, sooo…"
Now she laughed for real. The pup in her arms mewled and opened her golden brown eyes. She started rooting around in Kagome's chest.
"I think it's feeding time, Nephew," Kagome said, her tears gone and her face shining with happiness again.
"And on that note, I take my leave," he said, rising. "I'll be back tomorrow, okay? I'll bring one of the ladies of the House of the West with me…or the Lord of the East herself."
"Hideaki," Kagome called as he turned to go. He stopped and looked back at her. "Why don't you and Sayua have any children? You've been mated a long time, no?"
Hideaki frowned. "My mate and I have not always agreed on when the best time would be to have children," he said carefully. Kagome sensed there was more to the story. "And now that she is the Lord of the East, it may be even harder for her to make the transiton to motherhood. But," he added wistfully, "there is always time."
"You come from a big family," Kagome said, "and I'm sure that you'd like a big family of your own."
"What I want isn't always necessarily what will happen," he answered. "I love my mate with everything that I am. I would give my life for her in an instant. I went into this knowing that children may or may not be part of the deal." He paused. "We can't help who we love, Kagome-sama."
"No," said Kagome, "we can't."
He leaned over to kiss her cheek, and to kiss the pup on her head. The pup recognized his scent and mewed for him to hold her.
"Will you?" Kagome asked. "Before she eats?"
Hideaki obliged and took the pup from her mother's arms. He held her tenderly; Kagome's heart bloomed at the picture they made. In her mind she imagined Miroku holding her pup, and she felt a gush of warmth at the sight of her old friend's son doing what she wished Miroku'd had the ability to do himself. Morika purred in her cousin's arms and settled back down, eyeing him comfortably.
Kagome rose. "I'm going to run to the bathroom to freshen up," she said, seizing the opportunity. "You'll be all right for five minutes, right?"
"So it would seem," Hideaki murmured, as completely taken with his baby cousin as she was with him. Kagome used that moment to slip away, use the toilet, and splash some cold water on her face. She looked in the mirror and felt much more like herself.
"Oi, Kagome!" came a shout from the living room. She sighed. She never got a moment's peace.
Kagome went back into the living room, only to see Inuyasha huffing and puffing at the sight of his pup in another man's arms. "What the fuck is the fucking monk doing holding my pup?" he demanded.
Kagome rolled her eyes at him. "Calm down, Inuyasha," she said impatiently. "Hideaki came to check on me, like you asked, I will add. We talked, the pup scented him and wanted to be near him. I took the opportunity to wash myself up a little so I feel more human and less like a giant cow."
At that Inuyasha stopped his complaining. He saw his wife, leaning in the doorframe, her face puffy, her eyes exhausted, and her body slumped. She was carrying so much weight on her shoulders, and here he was, adding to the burden, instead of being grateful the monk was there to help her.
Kagome smiled wearily and took the pup from Hideaki. "Thanks so much for stopping by," she said, "and for watching Morika so I could freshen up."
Hideaki nodded, getting her meaning. "I'll see you soon, Kagome-sama," he replied, and scooted past Inuyasha into the genkan, where he got his shoes and then slipped out.
Kagome sat on the couch and held Morika, preparing to feed her. Inuyasha rushed into the nursery to get the feeding pillow; he arranged Morika on it as Kagome unsnapped her nursing bra and pushed the little mewling mouth onto her nipple. It was painful and exhilarating.
Inuyasha nestled in beside his mate and pup on the couch. He ruffled Kagome's hair, then inhaled her scent. She was so tired, her body was drooping at every step. He laid his head on her shoulder; he felt her relax at the contact. Together they sat, watching their pup nurse, for a good while. Kagome switched the pup from one nipple to the other, Morika continuing to suck greedily away.
When at last Morika dozed off, still attached to Kagome's breast, Kagome stuck a finger between the pup's latch and her nipple. With a soft pop, the pup disengaged and cuddled into her mother's chest, snoring lightly.
Inuyasha watched as Kagome quietly fixed her top and rocked their pup. "I know I say this all the time, but how did I get so fucking lucky, mate?" He turned his face up to hers and kissed her gently.
"I'm just glad you're here, Inuyasha," Kagome said tiredly. He sat up so she could lean against him, the pup in her arms, his arms resting around them both.
Inuyasha could have stayed like this forever. He loved scenting his mate and his pup, feeling their bodies pressed close to him, like they were a strong little family. That was why he was immediately concerned when Kagome's scent turned from content to nervous.
"Mate?" he asked.
Kagome turned her head to look up at him. "I can't hide anything from you, can I?" she sighed. "Here, let me up." He moved his arms and gave her a little nudge to help her stand. She put the pup in the napper Inuyasha had purchased so they didn't have to hold her constantly (or trek back and forth between the nursery and the living room), covered her with a blanket, then took out her phone. Inuyasha saw her fiddling with it for a moment, then she left it on the chabudai and returned to the sofa, allowing him to envelop her in his arms.
"Hopefully she will sleep," Kagome murmured, laying her head on his chest. She would much rather lay there and listen to his heartbeat than have to tell him what was on her mind.
"Tell me what's you're thinking about, mate," Inuyasha said gently, burying his face in her hair and nuzzling her softly.
"The night before Morika was born, when my water broke, I was having a dream."
"About Kikyo?" She didn't even need to tell him; he already knew that much.
She nodded, her face hidden in his shirt. "She was going to see Onigumo. She was leaving him to go stay at another village to care for some villagers, or so she said. She even left Kaede with the headman's family. She had gone to Onigumo to say goodbye."
"But you don't think that's what's she was doing," he finished for her.
"I know it wasn't." Her voice was a whisper.
It took all of Inuyasha's control and power to keep himself together. "Tell me, koi," he whispered back, "what did you see?"
"Kikyo was…pregnant." The last word was so soft Inuyasha even barely heard it.
And in fact, he wasn't sure he had heard her correctly. "I'm sorry; what?"
"Don't make me say it again, please." He could smell her tears and feel the wetness they were leaving on his t-shirt.
"You're—you're sure."
She nodded imperceptibly against his chest.
He growled, but not at her; he couldn't help it.
"How do you know for sure, mate?" His voice was gruff, but not cruel.
"Today, I had another vision," came her muffled voice. "I saw her. She was…breastfeeding the baby. She was in a strange hut. She asked the woman who was caring for them to take the baby, that she didn't want it, and that it would only cause her trouble. She said—she said she was afraid of the father." Kagome said the last bit in a rush.
"What happened to the baby?" Now his voice was low and rough.
"I don't—I don't know, mate," she whispered honestly.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" He whispered hoarsely. "How the fuck can you not know? Wasn't that part of your vision?"
"Only that the woman agreed to make arrangements," Kagome said softly.
Inuyasha hefted Kagome off his lap and began to pace, his feet falling silent on the tatami. Kagome remained on the couch, curled up, afraid of how he might respond.
Inuyasha paced back and forth, pulling at his hair, throwing out a string of curses under his breath. How could this be true? If what Kagome was saying was true, what did that mean for him? For his love for Kikyo? Had it all just been a lie? Had he really known her at all, if she'd borne a child before they'd met?
A knock at the door drew their attention. Inuyasha strode to the door and flung it open. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he hissed.
Sesshomaru glided lightly into the genkan and slipped off his shoes. "This Sesshomaru wanted to check on all of you," he said simply.
"Some fucking time for you to show up," Inuyasha grumbled. He continued to pace. Sesshomaru saw Kagome's tear-streaked face and Inuyasha's consternation, and guessed why he'd been summoned.
"Has the miko had another vision?" he asked.
Inuyasha stopped pacing long enough to nod once.
"And I take it the information revealed was…troubling?"
Inuyasha whirled around. "Are you fucking kidding me right now, Sess?" Inuyasha growled.
"Inuyasha," murmured Kagome.
"No," he said, "I get to say this."
"The pup, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru intoned. "Your mate is asking that you not wake your pup."
"Huh?" Inuyasha looked at the napper, where his pup slept peacefully, as though he were seeing it for the first time. Seeing Morika brought him back to himself a little. He shook his head, trying to collect himself.
"Your pup, Inuyasha." Sesshomaru's voice was firm as he repeated his words.
"Inuyasha," whispered Kagome. "Please."
"She was pregnant," Inuyasha said shortly. "She was pregnant with that bastard's pup."
Kagome and Sesshomaru exchanged a look over Inuyasha's head.
"And?" Sesshomaru said, careful not to reveal what he already knew.
"And she had the baby," Kagome said listlessly from her place on the couch. "She had the baby, and she gave it up."
Sesshomaru was slient for a long time. Inuyasha stopped pacing and went to look at his pup, watching her sleep. Kagome watched him watch the pup, feelings of love and terror and worry overwhelming her postpartum senses. The tears would not stop falling.
Finally, Sesshomaru spoke. "Where did the dead miko have the child, Kagome?"
Kagome started at his use of her name—it always managed to catch her by surprise. "I—I don't know," she admitted. "It wasn't the village. She left to have the baby somewhere else."
"Do you know anything about the village, miko?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Nothing," Kagome replied. "Nothing except…the woman who helped Kikyo…her name was Imamoto-san." She looked up at Sesshomaru. "Why do you want to know?"
"This Sesshomaru is curious, that is all," Sesshomaru said, his voice holding its typical neutral tone.
"Fuck off, Sess," said Inuyasha savagely.
"Inuyasha…" began Kagome.
"No, mate," interrupted Inuyasha. "Why does he get to stick his nose in this, anyway?"
"Because he's your brother, mate," said Kagome, her voice soft but harsh. "Because he's done a lot for us. He's earned our trust, and he's earned your respect."
Inuyasha's mouth opened and closed repeatedly; he couldn't deny what she said.
Kagome stood and put her arms around her mate; he allowed her to do so. His arms encircled her, and he buried his face in her hair.
"This Sesshomaru would advise you to leave the past where it is, miko, little brother," said Sesshomaru. "The dead miko has been nothing but pain for you both. This newest development is perhaps the worst of all. But you have each other, and you would do well to remember that." He nodded to Kagome. "Miko."
Kagome looked up at him. "Yes?"
"This Sesshomaru understands that his son-in-law wishes to help you with meditation again."
"Like hell that's going to happen right now—"
"—and this Sesshomaru agrees with the monk," Sesshomaru continued, ignoring his brother's protests. "It may give you peace of mind, miko. He will be here tomorrow, with help."
"Thank you, Sesshomaru," breathed Kagome. Inuyasha went to protest, but he felt how the promise of training eased his mate's mind and soul. He gripped her tighter in his arms.
"Again, remember that you have each other," Sesshomaru repeated. Then, with one flick of his wrist, he was gone.
Inuyasha and Kagome looked at each other, their eyes searching each other out. Inuyasha's eyes were dark, angry, and fearful; Kagome's were desperate and full of love. She reached up and pressed her lips tentatively to his. For a dreadful second, he stayed stiff against her touch. Then, he collapsed into her, his lips crushing hers, full of all the anger and love and sadness and devotion he felt in that moment.
She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "It's okay, anata," she said softly. "I've got you." The pup began to mewl from her napper. Kagome smiled softly. "We've both got you."
Inuyasha retrieved the pup from her napper and held her in one arm, Kagome in the other. His heart was full of so many things in that moment it was impossible to express all that was in it. Instead, he kissed his pup between her tiny dark ears, and then he kissed his wife in the same spot on her head.
"I know," he said. "Thank you."
The sunlight shone faintly through the sudare in Inuyasha and Kagome's bedroom, casting a soft glow across their mattress and onto the tatami floor. Inuyasha lay awake, his mate beside him, their pup between them, both fast asleep. Fuck, he loved watching them sleep. If only the reason for their late dozing wasn't him.
It had been a rough night. The pup sensed Kagome's sadness, and Inuyasha's anger, and had a hard time settling down. Kagome ended up nursing Morika most of the night, and when the pup wasn't nursing, Inuyasha took over so Kagome could get at least a little sleep.
Even though she wasn't fully vocalizing yet, Inuyasha could tell the pup was angry with him. Her little eyes tracked him carefully, letting out tiny mewls of dissatisfaction whenever he held her. He tried to calm her, to say he was sorry for upsetting her mother, but Morika was stubborn, even at just a few weeks old. So the little time Inuyasha spent with his pup that night was her grunting and twisting in his arms, while he rocked her gently and whispered words of love and sweetness.
Overall, he felt like shit.
Towards morning, Kagome had given up sitting in the recliner with the pup and just took her to bed. She nursed laying on her side, the pup suckling greedily as usual, until they both fell asleep from the exhaustion. At that point, Inuyasha felt comfortable joining them in bed, but he made no effort to sleep, opting instead to watch his mate and pup sleep, finally peaceful, after a night of hell caused by him.
Over the past twelve hours or so, Inuyasha had thought a lot about what Sesshomaru had said before he left. Of course Inuyasha knew he was the fucking luckiest guy in the world to have found Kagome. She loved him—all of him—and had mated and married him (once before the government, and once before the gods). She'd borne him a perfect pup. She was strong, and fiercely protective of those she loved. Which was why it made sense that she would try so hard to hide her visions from him. And how did he repay that love and protection? By punching holes in their bedroom walls; by almost going full youkai on her (looking back, he was so fucking grateful Sesshomaru had been there to protect her); and last night, by getting lost in his own feelings (again) without any concern for hers or the pup's.
He knew in his heart of hearts he had to let Kikyo go. And on the surface, and maybe even a little bit further down, he'd done that. But each of those visions Kagome had seemed to cut right through his core, vicious and searing as a paper cut. He'd mourned Kikyo, and he'd accepted the place she would always hold in his heart. But learning about her life before they met? This was some kind of new fresh hell, and it had kept him from fully enjoying what should have been the happiest time of his life.
Inuyasha sighed and looked down at his sleeping pup, running his hand gently over her tiny ears. She was so goddamn perfect, and he loved her so much he thought his fucking heart would burst. He once thought he had loved Kikyo; Kagome had shown him what love really was. And now, looking at his pup, he knew how to direct that love. He just wished that he had the ability to give her all the love that he felt for her in his heart, but Kikyo was (once again) getting in the way of that. He needed to find a way to fully, completely, move on, so that these visions wouldn't continue to cloud his judgement and get in the way of his love for his little family.
His eyes then fell on his mate. He whined silently at the sight of the dark circles under her eyes, at her ragged breathing, at her tangled hair. He knew the early days of motherhood weren't easy on anyone, but he felt like Kagome'd had it especially hard, between the visions and a grumpy, erratic hanyou mate, and the normal adjustments one has to make to parenthood.
He moved his hand from his pup to his mate, brushing some stray hairs out of Kagome's face. "I'm gonna make it all up to you, koi," he whispered. "Hopefully sooner rather than later."
At the feel of his hand Kagome opened her eyes. She saw him watching her and smiled. He brought his hand down to caress her cheek and she nuzzled his hand.
"Did you sleep, Inuyasha?" she asked in a voice still thick and drowsy.
Inuyasha felt a hitch in his breath. "How could I, 'Gome?" he replied.
She smiled and moved to kiss his hand; his chest rumbled pleasantly at the contact.
"You need to stop blaming yourself, mate," she mumbled sleepily into his hand. "I love you, no matter what." She opened her eyes fully and looked up at him, her brown eyes warm and inviting.
"Keh."
"And whatever you're feeling, you need to tell me, so that we can get through it together, okay? I don't like you keeping your feelings bottled up, even if it's anger."
Inuyasha forced out a quiet laugh. "Mate, I hardly think the problem is that I'm keeping my feelings bottled up."
"That's not what I mean." Kagome's voice was quiet. Inuyasha looked at her, surprised.
"I think you haven't been fully honest with me about Kikyo," she said, just as quiet.
Now his eyebrows were shooting up into his hair.
"You say you are over her, and that you love only me," she continued, just as quietly so as to not wake up the pup. "But yet look at how you've acted since my visions started." She paused. "Like a jealous lover."
That one went right through his gut. Inuyasha's ears flattened.
"But if you would just talk to me," she pleaded, "and tell me that you may have mourned her, and you might love me and only me now, but that my visions are bringing some unresolved feelings to the surface, it…it might…it might help." At his silence, she kept talking, her voice taking on a panicked edge. "And for the record, I don't love you any less, or feel any less secure in your love for me." He sighed and ran his thumb over her cheek. "It's been a huge shock for all of us," she continued, "but most of all for you. Or maybe you need to talk to someone who's not me. Like Mama. Or your brother. Or Hideaki."
"Like fucking hell I'll talk to the monk or my brother," he growled.
"Then someone, Inuyasha," Kagome begged, "because what if I have another vision, and you can't take it, and you lose control?"
"You're afraid I'll hurt you." Now he got it.
"No, anata," she said tenderly, now sitting up and leaning over the pup to run her hands through his hair, landing at his ears and massaging them gently. "Never me. I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself."
Inuyasha felt a rush of love for his mate like he'd never felt before. And at that exact moment, the pup began twisting and turning fitfully, her mouth opening and closing as she came into consciousness. Her golden brown eyes opening, she looked up at her mother and father, who gazed down at her with love.
"Good morning, little one," cooed Kagome, tickling the pup with the pad of her finger.
"Good morning, pup," echoed Inuyasha gruffly, reaching down so the pup could grasp her finger in her hand. He suddenly felt another rush of emotions as the pup's hand fully encircled his finger. He looked at Kagome, eyes glistening.
"We're your here and now, Inuyasha," Kagome said, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, too.
"I know," he said hoarsely, cupping her face with his other hand and stroking her cheek gently. "And I want to do my best to live in this moment, and in every moment, with you, and with our pup. Hopefully she's the first of many."
Kagome couldn't help it; the tears came fast and hard, and Inuyasha scooped up the pup with one hand and pulled his wife into his lap with the other. She tilted her face up to his and he kissed her, soft and tender, full of need and longing and love. He felt her tears on his face through this kiss, and his heart felt as though it would burst: from sadness or joy, he wasn't sure which. Sad that he'd made her cry. Happy that he'd made her cry. Sad that he kept putting her through this shit. Happy that they'd made it through everything together.
When she broke the kiss, he leaned in and began to lick away the tears that remained. Kagome closed her eyes and sighed. The pup relaxed in her father's arms; she could tell that everything was all right again.
Notes:
Inuyasha and Kagome seem to have come out of this crisis of feelings stronger than ever. Next up: some fluff and love as they celebrate their one-year wedding anniversary :3 Thanks so much to all of you for continuing to read, and stay safe!