Chapter 44

Present

Kenzie was babbling excitedly in that nonsensical way she has when she just needs an outlet for all her emotions when I pulled the SUV into the driveway of my parents' house. It had been too long since we'd come for dinner. The changes in our routine and the fact that I was also trying to fit in dating without disrupting Kenzie's life too much meant that visiting them had fallen by the wayside, but given the week I'd had I could do with the comfort of my childhood home. And Kenzie was always up for time spent with the people she loved.

Unbuckling my seatbelt, I slid from behind the wheel, scanning the quiet suburban street for threats before tapping on the rear window to let Kenzie know it was safe for her to get out. It was the system we used whenever we were getting out of the car anywhere but the garage at home or at Rangeman. I knew that my life wasn't as fraught with shadows as Ranger's and Steph's was, but my job wasn't exactly to make friends with the people I sought out day to day, so it didn't hurt to have the extra measures in place. Especially since it wasn't uncommon for Steph and Kenzie to be seen in public together. None of the others thought it was overkill, so I felt it was justified.

I hadn't even dropped my hand from the window before Kenzie burst from the back door on the other side of the car, sprinting across the front lawn to the porch. "Knock, knock!" she cried, bounding up the stairs and pulling open the door and disappearing inside. "Hola, Abuela! Hola Bo-Bo!" I heard her greetings float out to me as I followed her at a more sedate pace. This was exactly the kind of distraction we needed.

By the time I made it to the kitchen, Mama and Dad were already loudly arguing over who's turn it was to hug their granddaughter. Mama appeared to be winning, since Kenzie had both her arms and legs wrapped around her and she was using a wooden spoon, still dripping with the sauce it had been stirring, to ward her husband off.

"You're getting sauce all over the floor, Mama," I pointed out, leaning against the counter, out of reach of love war waging on the other side.

She sent me a Manoso grin, her eyes twinkling as she thrust the spoon at Dad again. "I'm building a defensive moat around me and my little bean," she proclaimed. "I intend on keeping all the cuddles for myself this visit."

Dad just shook his head, plucking the spoon from Mama's hand and plopping it onto the counter in front of me, not caring about the mess it left there. "You'll end up slipping in it yourself, Lili," he admonished, holding his hand out expectantly toward me. Removed a rag from the basket beside me and pressed it into his hand. "And then you'll end up hurting yourself and my granddaughter."

"My granddaughter," Mama responded defiantly, wrapping her arms tighter around Kenzie and retreating around the island as Dad bent to start cleaning the puddle of sauce.

"Abuela, I have enough love for you and Bo-Bo," Kenzie assured her, grinning from ear to ear. "You don't have to try to steal Bo-Bo's share too."

"See?" Dad said. He straightened and tossed the rag aside. "That mean's it's my turn for hugs."

Mama kept backing away from him, all the way out of the kitchen into the hall. "I won't give her up without a fight," she announced once she was out of sight. Her statement was punctuated by the sound of her hurrying down the hall to the living room as Kenzie giggled over her should. Dad followed in a deliberately slow run to let them get away, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

Heaving a sigh, I let the familiar scent of Dad's favourite red sauce simmering on the stove fill my lungs and infuse my soul as Kenzie's giggles continued over my parents' play-bickering. Coming home had been a good idea. Not only was it a good distraction for Kenzie, but it gave me a chance to try and reset my own attitude. I needed this just as much as my daughter did. My mood invariably fed into hers, and it had shown in her behaviour as the week wore on, especially the last couple of days since the hair class – which was usually the highlight of our week – left me feeling like I'd been thrown into the middle of the ocean with nothing to keep me afloat.

Grace and I had gotten into the habit of texting or calling each other daily to check in and share small moments together, even if they were from a distance, but ever since our family date last Saturday her messages had seemed off. They were short, noncommittal, like she'd rather be doing something else. And she hadn't answered any of my calls. I knew it was possible that she was just busy and didn't have time to devote to longer messages or a phone conversation, but it didn't stop it from affecting my mood.

I thought it would all be cleared up Thursday night when we arrived at hair class. She'd apologise for being distant, explain that she was dealing with some stuff, maybe crack a joke about something or other and the tension coiling tighter and tighter in my gut would be broken. But it hadn't. She hadn't. She greeted us with a tight smile, and then avoided us as much as possible the rest of the night. Even at the end of class, when I'd sent Kenzie to help Lydia tidy up, and gone to talk to Grace like I usually did, she could barely meet my eyes even for the brief conversation she allowed to pass between us before she made excuses to duck away.

I'd tried to ask her if everything was all right. If I'd done something wrong. If this was because of the memories talking about her mom had brought up. But she wasn't receptive. If anything, the questions only made her agitated.

The tension coiled tighter, tugging at my heart, threatening to wind it onto the spool and crush it under the weight of the cables that kept everything inside me in their right places as I caved in on myself. Somehow this feeling was worse than anything Phoebe had ever put me through. At least with Phoebe I could usually figure out what was causing her attitude – most of the time she made it quite obvious by yelling the problem at me.

"They've barricaded themselves under a blanket," Dad sighed, interrupting my thoughts as he re-entered the kitchen. "I surrendered for now. We should- What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied, crossing to the cupboard to pull down four plates. "We should set the table."

Dad allowed me to silently grab out cutlery and napkins, piling them on top of the plates, and followed behind me as I carried it all into the dining room. He said nothing as he took the napkins and cutlery and we set to work, but his gaze was trained on me the entire time. I knew there was no way he was going to let me back out of the room without an explanation as to what was going on, but what I wasn't expecting was for him to announce my problem to me.

"You're having troubles with a woman," he said once the final fork was laid and we both standing empty handed at the end of the room furthest from the kitchen.

My eyes snapped up to meet his. "How did you guess?" I hadn't told them I was seeing anyone. The only people who knew were Bobby, Tank, Ranger and Steph, and fifty percent of that list wasn't in contact with my parents except at family gatherings and emergencies. Ranger wasn't the type to go flapping his lips about things that weren't his to tell, and Steph had been the subject of gossip often enough that she wouldn't go spreading it herself.

"Kenzie mentioned you both had a picnic with a woman last weekend," he explained, holding my gaze steadily, searching for something. "You haven't let a woman who isn't related to you that close to Kenzie since Phoebe. I figured she had to be special. And seeing your brooding expression just now I'm guessing something happened with her."

I hated that he could figure out so much about my life from such a small tidbit of information from my daughter, but I guess he wouldn't be my father if he couldn't see past all the defences I put up. "Her name is Grace," I sighed. He'd get it out of me sooner or later so I may as well save us both the time and energy and come clean. "I met her at Kenzie's dance recital. She was fixing the girls' hair backstage. And she invited us to the hair class she teaches on Thursday nights for Dads and their daughters. We've been dating for about a month now and it was going well, so I thought I'd see what it was like with her and Kenzie. I thought it was all good, but she left abruptly and has barely spoken to me since. Not even at class the other night."

"Did you try asking her what's wrong?" Dad asked.

I sent him a look that should have been familiar to him from my teenage years. It was a look that I'd carefully crafted to let him know that I didn't appreciate how idiotic his comment made me out to sound. "Yes, Dad, I did," I said with a mental eye roll. "She deflected and made excuses to escape the conversation. I may be out of practice at this whole dating thing, but I'm not completely socially inept."

"Sounds to me like she's still processing her feelings on whatever might have happened," he said. "I know when your mother is upset, she doesn't always know how to tell me about what's bothering her right away, especially if it's something I've done out of love that's inadvertently hurt or annoyed her. Give this Grace woman some time and space and maybe she'll come to you."

I nodded. "I hope so," I murmured.

Before Dad had a chance to switch gears and ask about my rules and how they applied in this situation, since I hadn't dated anyone since high school, Kenzie burst through the door hugging a bowl of salad. "Dinner's ready!" she announced. "Daddy, Abuela wants you to come get the potatoes."

"On my way," I assured her with a mock salute as I made my way back to the kitchen. Dad clapped me on the back in that reassuring way he had as I passed him, and I vowed to let him in on a few more details to ease his and Mama's minds before we went home this evening. They deserved that much from me after the all the angst I'd caused them over the years. Hopefully, he was right and Grace just needed time to process, because I wasn't sure how much more of this limbo I could take before I was driven to that damn punching bag in the gym. Dating was a lot harder than I remembered.